VK recently wrote about “bunning up” (“settling down” for you old skool types) before the long cold winter drives the cuties indoors with their Netflix and Jenga slumber parties. And it’s true — guys have a window of opportunity beween August and Thanksgiving to land a steady girl. For reasons science hasn’t yet figured out, most breakups happen in August, usually precipitated by the women, who then go on a fall shopping spree for a new beau. This is your opportunity to strike. There is a crackle and sizzle in the autumn air as the girls radiate that “please just don’t fuck this up and you can have me” vibe. The last thing they want is to be alone during the holidays.
A good rule of thumb is to bring your A game before the temps drop into the 30s. Once the deep chill hides everyone under layers of wool and couples start appearing with their hands in each others’ pockets you’ll find your pickings slim. But there is one glaring exception. Perhaps the greatest pickup night of the year, yes even better than Halloween or New Years Eve, is Christmas Eve.
There won’t be many girls out on Christmas Eve but that won’t matter because the one or two you meet (and they will usually be by themselves lamenting their singlehood with a captive bartender) are out for one reason — to get swept off their feet by a guy who will take their minds off their misery. Meet a reasonably attractive girl on Christmas Eve and if your game is minimally competent you are virtually guaranteed to close the deal that night.
The key is to not make it seem like you are two lonely souls destined to cross paths in a grungy hole in the wall. That shit only works in the movies. The reality is that it ruins her fantasy to meet a guy who is just as much a loser in love as she is. So play up the angle that you have so many family obligations this holiday season you just needed a break from it all and a strong drink in a warm bar sounded perfect. Tell her you never expected to meet anyone as cool as her out on a night like this.
Running game on a lone wolf means you can segue into rapport building quicker than normal. A minute to spark attraction is all you’ll need. Once her eyes are sparkling, move her over to a couch in a dark corner, ask her if she’d like to learn something about herself, and run a few psychological quizzes on her. Then, lower your lids and your tone of voice and summon the sexual animal in you. Christmas pheromones.
The last time I did this we left the bar at 9 since they closed early. We bought a six pack of Michelob Light at the local Chinese take-out which is open year-round. Since all the bars were closed and I deemed it too soon to head back to my place, we found a streetlamp and cracked open a few beers in the cold night air. Not a single car drove by. The city was quiet. The context and atmosphere did half my work for me.
That shit only works in the movies.
A whole discussion can be devoted to this: what movie cliche works in real life, kind-of works, or is an outright lie.
Movie cliche: the guy blasting Peter Gabriel’s “In your Eyes” on his boombox outside of the girl’s window at night gets the girl.
Real Life: friggin’ stalker gets a citation for disturbing the peace.
Seriously though, why would you be alone on Christmas Eve in the first place? Give your penis a rest for one night and remember the other kinds of relationships that life has to offer– like, say, family. Or maybe friends.
let me tell you about my mother… BLAM!
hey, family and friends are great. but they can’t offer me anything close to what a woman who loves me can offer.
Nikita,
Kill that noise. I already have seat reservations. Ima be at Dan’s at the bar with my janks already hanging out the zipper just waiting for the first chick that comes in. Now if you want to stop by for a drink…
Some years back a co-worker of mine went to a Jewish singles’ dance on Christmas Day and ended up in a steady relationship. They might even have gotten married, though I moved on to another job and lost track.
And the funny thing is, he wasn’t even Jewish.
Christmas Eve is the ultimate time to pick up Jewish women. I’m surprised you missed this one, Roissy.
To lure them, just pretend you support Hillary, strongly support gay rights, and think Sarah Silverman is “hilarious.” Oh, and you have to say that government should run people’s lives when it comes to what they eat or who they can “hate” (in terms of speech) but as soon as it comes to abortion, then government needs to get out of people’s lives. Oh, and mention how much sympathy you have for eating disorders, OCD and depression.
roiss- i hate to point out the obvious, but a girl you meet in a bar on christmas eve who helps you finish a six pack of mickey light under a streetlamp does not qualify as a woman who loves you. then again, i suppose love is relative.
vk- if i have to endure one more night at dan’s where you sidle up to me at the bar and ask me if i think it’s a jack daniels mini or your junk poking me in the leg… i swear, boy. i’ve had about enough of your little stir stick.
its gold jerry, gold!
Why do women dump their loser boyfriends as summer ends? Getting pregnant in August means you will deliver in plentiful May. That sort of thing probably makes Mother Nature smile.
“under a streetlamp does not qualify as a woman who loves you”
I don’t think he is looking for love. Men distinguish love and sex, which is difficult for most women.
Gannon-
roissy: “hey, family and friends are great. but they can’t offer me anything close to what a woman who loves me can offer.”
i distinguish between referenced posts and original ones, which is difficult for most dumbasses.
Common pretty, don’t be mad at me.
a charming dumbass easily redeems himself.
Picking up people on Christmas Eve has tones of desperation that you just cannot shake off. Sorry –this entry gets three growls and a hiss.
the artist formerly known as nikita:
a six pack of mickey light under a streetlamp does not qualify as a woman who loves you.
i’m using a liberal definition of love in this instance.
Picking up people on Christmas Eve has tones of desperation that you just cannot shake off
I thought Roissy had this contingency covered:
“So play up the angle that you have so many family obligations this holiday season you just needed a break from it all and a strong drink in a warm bar sounded perfect. “
Picking up people on Christmas Eve has tones of desperation that you just cannot shake off
i am nothing if not an opportunist.
anyhow, it beats tripping over kids’ toys and listening to christmas carolers.
if a six pack under a streetlamp is liberal love, i can only imagine your idea of a socialist romance: a shared 40 of olde english behind a dumpster?
(p.s. while it may be true that nothing compares 2 U, that was actually an accident. i’m hereby reclaiming my former title.)
I met my husband on Christmas Eve when I was 15 years old. I’m sure it was unintentional on his part, but he swept me completely off my feet. When Valentine’s came around, all I could do was write his name over and over again my notebook while pouting that I could not consummate my love.
It must be written in a woman’s genes. I can’t help but feel romantic toward the holiday season. Even though I wasn’t born in this country, a few years of indoctrination from early childhood made me completely smitten with the Christmas decorations, soft, glittering lights and the concept of snuggling up to someone for warmth while the snow falls quietly outside.
Hmm. All too opportunistic, indeed.
I met my husband on Christmas Eve when I was 15 years old. I’m sure it was unintentional on his part, but he swept me completely off my feet. When Valentine’s came around, all I could do was write his name over and over again my notebook while pouting that I could not consummate my love.
That’s not strange at all Hope. Women by nature fall in love the strongest when they are around 13 to 22, a lot of times with somewhat older guys (3 to 12 years older). This is the bonding that leads to lifelong marriage and love. Later bondings will likely never be that strong. Once a woman has dated multiple partners and is in her late twenties it’s likely that the following marriage will end in divorce. She has been accostumed to change partners every two years or so and isn’t capable to love as stongly as in her nubile years.
The fact that you could not express your love then proves that the law is unjust. I just love women like you from more traditional upbringings.
the artist formerly known as the artist formerly known as nikita:
a shared 40 of olde english behind a dumpster?
please woman, i am a man of stealth and taste. nothing less than a dog-eared copy of das kapital and a towering oath to the workers’ revolution while rolling around semi-naked on the white house ellipse with my hot little marxist minx.
i leave the dumpster dalliances for the green party chicks.
hope radiated:
When Valentine’s came around, all I could do was write his name over and over again my notebook
that’s sweet.
hope, you write like an attractive woman.
Hope do you have a left slant??? Just asking
Gannon, in the US, divorce is actually MORE likely if the woman marries before age 25.
To get back to the post, I have this entertaining mental picture of Roissy, trolling the bars in a three-piece swinger suit and a Santa hat.
ohhh, i see! you meant “liberal” in a good way!
p.s. “a man of stealth and taste” — nice turn of phrase, lucifer.
nikita, i think i love you.
Gannon, in the US, divorce is actually MORE likely if the woman marries before age 25.
That is only because younger women tend to marry men their age or only 2 years older, who can’t yet support her. The ideal husband for a sixteen year old wife would be a 24 to 28 year old man, not an 18 year old boy.
Man, just thinking about this scene makes me lonely. This post really explains alot…
“Since all the bars were closed and I deemed it too soon to head back to my place…”
Swear to god, you have just touched on the very hardest part of letting a guy call the shots. They always wait until it’s late, the bar is closed or the friends have dissipated and you’re both drunk and tired. When this is contrary to creating the best environment for good sex. So here a girl is, torn between just wanting to get him home already while everyone is still fresh; and letting the guy do his guy thing which she knows will not actually be in his best interest though it weirds him out that she is “coming on so strong.” Weirded out = no repeat action.
Maybe I just want impossible things.
How do you pronounce Roissy btw.
How do you pronounce Roissy btw.
stud.
pronounced as it is spelled in english, the language of ownage.
pronounced hwa-SEE in its native tongue french.
Pronounced “rwassy”, like “Rwanda”. Or “errwassy”, if you want to be precise.
I don’t know about going out Christmas Eve…but Thanksgiving Eve is a different animal. Now considered one of the big party nights of the year, this is always crazy with people reuniting with friends from high school and college at bars and it’s a pretty good chance to get laid by that girl who wouldn’t give you the time of day 10 years ago. I won’t drink too much though, I don’t wanna be hungover for turkey.
cheers, shadi!
now i read this…
interesting….
Roissy, love your blog. I’m sorry it took me so long to find it. Three things:
1. You talked about running game as a lone wolf. Can you do a post on this, or provide links to somebody who does?
2. You should do a post on movie cliches and what works and doesn’t work.
3. You should watch old movies for inspirations on how to act. I’ve found the James Bond movies with Sean Connery are great. I would also recommend Cary Grant movies and classics such as Casablanca or Gone with the Wind (Rhett Butler is a bad arse Alpha).
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