I arrived at a Halloween party with a mixed group. We stood and talked and laughed, enjoyed compliments from drunk strangers on our costumes, and ogled competing costumes, particularly the skimpy ones. A man dressed as a 1980s glam rocker strode over to our group, standing tall and confident. He asked a question, pointedly addressing one of the girls with us, and then cracked a joke. She giggled. Ten minutes later, after he had successfully immersed himself in the flow of our conversation, the girl who giggled held up a camera in the direction of her girl friend while yelling at him over the noise of the music to join her for a photo together.
Add then, like Peter disowning Jesus, she was denied three times. And it was his cock crowing.
But first, a bit of background. The girl at the heart of this chronicle of game is not a playette. Not a slut. Not an ingenue. Not an attention whore. She is extroverted, but in a good way, soaking up the company of friends and having a knack for making people feel good about themselves. She listens as well as she talks. She hardly ever curses. She doesn’t have a reputation for sleeping around. She’s been single for a year, but that’s because her last breakup was difficult and now she tests the dating pool with one toe. She is cute, not hot. An inarguable 7. She is a professional in a female-oriented field. She’s a good girl, and more than that, a good person.
Not the kind of girl you’d think would fall for a common game tactic? Think again.
The first of her photo requests was basically ignored by glam rocker guy. He looked up at her after she asked, smiled warmly, then swiveled his head to glance around the room, returning to our group to make a comment to another one of us. She implored a second time, her voice rising in pitch. He didn’t even look at her this time, instead keeping his attention focused on one of her friends. The third time she asked him, furiously waggling her camera at arm’s length in front of her girl friend, she was practically screaming to be heard over the crowd, her face reddening and the tumult in her voice signaling desperation. This final request was answered when he performed a stone cold backturn on her. Not with any hint of disgust, mind you. It was all done so nonchalantly and indifferently that she could be forgiven for thinking he just hadn’t seen or heard her hysterics.
His third disavowal so cratered her self-assurance and social control that her mouth closed abruptly, stricken silence overcame her, and she stared at his back with wide eyes for an interminable few seconds while he watched the crowd swarm by. The whole episode was caught on videotape… the video recorder of my mind, that is.
He finally disappeared through the maze of costumed partiers. Camera girl looked dejected. It would have been hard to judge how much he had affected her were it not for the couple of times she asked where he had gone off to. But the proof came when her face lit right up when he later rejoined our group, and she feverishly interjected to monopolize conversation time with him. Regrettably for him, he learned that she was not a good-to-go girl, and to her everlasting despair she found him at the close of the night canoodling with a slutty blonde. I’ve no doubt that if he had asked for her number, she would have thrown it at him.
There is something to be said for blithely ignoring a girl to flip the script and get her chasing you. Of course, ignoring a girl before you have made any sort of impression is not going to impact her consciousness in any way. You’ll just be one among a horde of mediocrities breathing the air around her. Glam rock guy first made his impression, hooking her interest, then answered the call of her compliance test with a masterful backturn. A mighty backturn so impersonal and unmistakeable that she could not drive him out of her mind for the bulk of the night.
When a woman begins setting up compliance tests — aka hoops — for you to jump through, know that you are making progress seducing her.
When you refrain from jumping through her hoops, know that you have ratcheted up her arousal.
When you give her the backturn after her repeated attempts to coerce compliance from you, know that you have seduced her mind. You’ve created a disturbance in the force. A rift to a parallel universe has opened. Now she will feel an urge to seduce you.
It’s yours to lose after that.