From this story:
I’ll start.
“King Kong swats at a cheap tipper.”
-
Pages
Twitter Updates
- @JayMan471 I hunt the hunters. Who do you think are the hunters now? Joyously mocked preachers? Or snarky libs captaining the media empire? 18 hours ago
- @UnendImprov The body may travel, but the mind remains anchored. 18 hours ago
- @JayMan471 Look, the shitlibs control the horizontal and the vertical. Your "they do too" morality matters not when only one side is armed. 21 hours ago
- RT @ahm: @JayMan471 @AnonymooseRex @heartiste Give that guy his own daily TV show and we'll be even. 21 hours ago
- @JayMan471 Don't be a phonyfuck diplomat. % of nonsense, shitlibs vastly outgun deranged preachers. PS The reptile shitlib was serious too. 21 hours ago
- @JayMan471 Let's keep it realer and less non sequitur-ish. Did I say somewhere gays cause hurricanes? Did I conflate gays with IRS threats? 21 hours ago
Recent Comments
Gracian on How To Handle Self-Deprecating… Gracian on How To Handle Self-Deprecating… Anonymous on How To Handle Self-Deprecating… Scharlach on Comment Of The Week Holden Caulfield on How To Handle Self-Deprecating… Subway Masturbator on An Alpha Daddy’s Letter… Patriarch on An Alpha Daddy’s Letter… Patriarch on An Alpha Daddy’s Letter… Patriarch on An Alpha Daddy’s Letter… Patriarch on How To Handle Self-Deprecating… Top Posts
- How To Handle Self-Deprecating Fatties
- An Alpha Daddy's Letter To His Little Girl (About Her Future Husband)
- It's A Trap!
- Comment Of The Week
- The Sixteen Commandments Of Poon
- How To Get A Girl To Send Nudes Of Herself
- Confident A-Hole Game
- Gay Boyfriend
- Dating Market Value Test For Men
- It's Easy To Identify A Slut
Categories
Shallow Hal 2: Electric Boogaloo
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For my next trick I will fill two toilets with one poop…
I’m too sexy for this shirt, so sexy it hurts…..
“American municipal building codes among most demanding in the world, new studies show.”
A harpooned whale.
Putting the load in “load bearing column.”
That’s a strong pole!
“Black guy dies, goes directly to heaven”
[Heartiste: So racisss, but so lol.]
BEST Caption EVER
it even brought
The Spookimen
Back
inb4 the rooshmens arrival and their subsequent onslaught of the typical american woman
“First round of men brought to New York’s first Sexuality Sensitivity Reeducaton Center experience the rapturous enlightenment of socially progressive female objectification. Enthusiastic dancers were overjoyed as the locally procured men were respectful and quiet, a notable change from other nights at the tavern. The owner was also delighted with the spectacle, and noted that alcohol sales were triple what he would take in on a regular night.
Activist security, armed only with sarcastic commentary and social scorn, are busy collecting another round of registrants for this Friday’s show. Moves are afoot to make attendance mandatory for all males over the age of 21.”
coming soon to a slutwalk near you
NICE! LOL.
“I _am_ America!”
Fatty issues.
“Halloween at the fire department”
Fear: No longer the only thing you need to fear.
Harrr, matey!
“Once thought to be a fictional metal, adamantium alloy creates stripper pole that can support even the heaviest aspiring entertainers”
It was only after Stay Puft switched to HFCS, that Ms. Stay-Puft started working at the Chubby Bunny Ranch
BMI: A Dummies’ Guide to Determining Whether or Not it’s Exploitation
[Heartiste: Good one. "Exploitation" is really just feminist code for "anything that gives straight men pleasure".]
“In this picture, the subject demonstrates her unusual grip-strength.”
“9 Die in Building Collapse After Pole Proved to be Load-Bearing Structure”
Objectify This!
Please?
Headline: Recession forces Michelin man into career change
This picture really eats the cake
My favorite by far.
Lulu demonstrates a real life oxymoron.
Sad,deluded woman tries desperately to imagine that she’s capable of eliciting sexual desire. Fails, dies in crushing loneliness.
The blogesses of feministing break down and try and land some boyfriends.
CERN scientists have also discovered small fluctuations in the gravitational constant – mainly affecting vast swaths of North America.
My dances are so good, they register on the Richter scale.
18+ WARNING: bizarre medical condition content
Redressing Black Rage: A Radical Proposal for Slavery Reparations
“Prole” dancer.
Gross…
The last pair of shoes that Al Bundy sold before his suicide.
A+
The Chafe Heard ‘Round The World
“A Pole bears the full weight of Germany’s newest weapon of mass destruction.”
Recession forces Michelin man into career change
LOLOLOLOLOLOL
LMAO!
“Cachalots: is there anything they can’t do?”
“This is just a demo for my strip aerobics”
“I’m just doing this to pay for my twinkies”
keep your shirt on… pls
“With patriarchy being crushed into defeat, Amanda Marcotte is free to be herself.”
Classic.
That is funny, Hanover is a microdot in Maryland, about the size of the megamall it houses, a pimple next to BWI. Makes me wonder if there’s a strip club near the airport that delights in tormenting the bewildered businessmen that surely arrive seeking some erotic delights after a long flight, only to be slowly tortured to death while being forced to watch lulu, and then being consumed by vampires, like Maryland’s own sad version of From Dusk to Dawn. My advice: Go to Duclaws instead, the beer is good and they won’t kill you, and the secretarial pool is strong.
It’s especially merciful of the host to have spared us the image of her on her back with her fupa blopping down into her face. And damn, Gorby is tearing it up.
Yep: he has discovered a raison d’etre.
Marylanders applaud
yes, but how tall is she?
Whale trail.
Finally putting conspiracy theories to rest, photographic evidence reveals truth about what brought down 7 world trade center.
“Fat girl fat girl, whatcha gonna do…whatcha gonna do when we run from you…”
No muff too tough. We harpoon at noon.
“Buffalo escapes from zoo”.
“Al Qaeda combines terror camps and fat camps to develop new mechanism for inducing building collapse”
“She fell off the pole once in March 2011. Japan has never been the same.”
“A vanguard of the feminist movement, this brave woman is constantly breaking glass ceilings… and floors, and furniture…”
Prohibitionists report that recent data suggests stripping is no longer acting as a soft entry to prostitution for new showgirls.
“Searching for materials strong enough to use in a space elevator, NASA stress-tests a promising new find.”
#OCCUPY STRIPPER POLE
“This is a club that will live in infamy.”
Fire Marshall suggests weight limit for strip clubs after 4 alarm fire.
“I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill her with a terrible resolve.”
Scientists discover: Pole dancing not a good weight loss workout.
“We’ll need to reinforce that pole soon”.
Look out below!!!
“Got leg ribbons?”
The Incredible Bulk
Local Slutwalk Demonstration commandeered Baby Dolls today in a protest called: Take back the Pole.
…take the load off annie,,.. take the load for free,… take the load off annie….Annd, aaaand aaaaaaaaaand.. you put the load right on me~
See a Pole dance.
Theory of Gravity Disproven
I believe I can fly…
high five
at first glance, I thought she was wearing sweat pants….
Free Willy Pole Dance Edition
Crouching Cellulite, Hidden Wires
“Neutrino speed anomaly resolved – failure to correct for curvature of spacetime caused by organic gravity well.”
Body Type: Average
more like athletic. look at those moves.
The pole is glad it’s inanimate.
I got nothing. That image drains all desire and leaves me speechless and unmotivated to create.
“My name is Whale. Tokyo Sex-Whale.”
“Bua ha haaa. Little to they know I’m the owner of the Pussy Ranch! Bua ha ha ha haaaa”
Stripper who works for food and rarely leaves pole says “Toss it here!”
Call me Maelish.
Public service message: “And this is your brain on drugs”
The only thing missing is… CONFETTI!!!
This is what a feminist looks like.
Best of all!
The winner!
Scientists discover species of stripper thought extinct. Breeding program fails.
“I know it’s not sexual attention. But it’s attention!”
LOL good one
“Osmium alloys such as osmiridium are very hard and, along with other platinum group metals, are used in the tips of fountain pens, instrument pivots, electrical contacts, and in this case, high yield stripper poles.”
Rapist operant conditioning chamber number 1.
“I just want someone to love me for who I am”
The only pole she ever gets
At the sword swallower’s convention: advanced gag reflex training.
Damn! look at that. How in the hell did she get that job?
“This is for all the jerks who said they’d never touch me with a ten foot pole!”
At the strippers reunion, it was easy to tell who got married.
Haha Classic!
your one-liners have a “Far Side” quality, dude
“Miss Bubble Butt” contestant speaks English as a second language. Confuses “bubble” for “balloon”.
Slutwalk 2: This Time It’s Poledancing
The all-consuming fear of every young little firepole, the night before the quality control exam…
You can’t buy entertainment like that.
For the love of GOD… Please tell me you can’t buy entertainment like that…
“Shove over, it’s my turn. I’m tired being behind the blowjob curtain!”
“Reality is a social construct. Accept my reality!” says girl living in her own reality.
“You’re gonna need a bigger pole.”
Golf clap. Well-played, sir.
“It’s not the years, honey, it’s the tonnage.”
Well, how about THAT: You CAN teach an old manatee new tricks!
“No! Stay away from me! I don’t want to visit the cat food factory!”
Feminist attempts to disprove laws of attraction and gravity.
“You can’t handle a strong independent woman”
“Nope…”
neither can floor!
Win!
“Get her some brown rice, vegetables, and a bottle of Evian.”
New event added to the Special Olympics
Niche marketing attempt fails
Meanwhile, in Bizzaro-world, Heartiste prepares to unleash his neg, refrains from observing redbush dance to DHV.
2020: Worlds thinnest stripper
Oh, how the Truth does hurt…
Good one’s Xsplat!
Newly enacted anti-discrimination law has widespread effects
Because men are attracted to confidence!
They said I could be anything….So I became a flag
lol!
Will Dance For Food
In Soviet Russia, stripper tip you.
Vlad the Impaler would not have missed.
My brother’s view of his empowered wife expressing herself, as he prepares himself for his upcoming interracial cuckolding.
Clean your eyes with this.
America’s got talent…and a rock hard boner.
That was cool. It would have been cooler naked.
That looks really difficult.
For once my libido is not totally in the way of appreciating talent.
News 11 Exclusive: Jessica Simpson gives it “one last shot”
Russian stripper at age 35.
You have no idea what you’re talking about.
True. In Russia, fat woman doesn’t ride Pole. Pole rides fat woman.
Caption:- “Disappointed, Showanda found that she could not eat the pole”
Nancy Pelosi’s Dirt on Newt Gingrich Revealed!
She-beast eats entire fire station.
Forced to do their rounds.
I feel really sorry for that pole ‘she’ is straddling…
DELUSION
Just because you feel sexy does not mean you are
or
POLE DANCING
It isn’t meant for fat hoes
“The camera really does add a few pounds.”
Alternatively,
“Artist’s projection of the thinnest woman in America, circa 2030.”
This is what happens when you let your fiancee plan your bachelor party.
“I touch myself with a ten-foot pole (because no one else will…)”
Ahoy captain, thar be poon on the harpoon
Does this pole make my ass look fat?
no your ass makes your ass look fat
Where’s her boyfriend – that nerdy little guy Kermit?
TMZ was beaten to the Lindsay Lohan Playboy cover, so it revenged itself with Rosie O’Donnell’s bachelorette party.
Red t-shirts: separating me from *complete* blindness since 2 seconds ago.
Mary So Round
Candy Barr
“Come on guys, I’m only getting paid $2.13 an hour.”
Hey Egon, where’s Venkman, he’s back.
At least you can save money and tip her with twinkies.
Ridley Scott reviels new monster in Alien prequel
At Vorteck Industries, our quality-control specialists test our firepoles under the harshest conditions imaginable.
Obama’s Monica Lewinsky.
The last pair of shoes that Al Bundy sold before his suicide.
Al Bundy.
He stood up for all of us!
1 harpoon short of a lifetime supply of clean-burning lamp oil.
“Pete’s Stripper Poles – No One Makes Them Tougher!”
“Feminista falls while trying to fuck pole, Earth tilts (photo tilted 90-degrees anti-clockwise to redress balance)”
Does my bum look big in these stretch shorts?
That’s the ugliest looking fireman I’ve ever seen!
or
Finally found Lardass Hogan a girlfriend!
Walpurga found out the hard way that “more surface to bury tips” does not necessarily equate “more tips”.
There is a market for everything. Literally.
Please tell me that the guy in the background is only watching this to get into the pants of the chick to his right.
First feminist fire station opens in Chicago, aims to show women firefighters equally capable.
“I’m big and in charge! Now give me your money, boys!”
Crash Test Dummy
There’s cake on the ceiling
“Paging Captain Ahab!”
Get me down from here!!!!!!!!
Help! My beef curtains got stuck to the pole!
“This pole dance is NOT an invitation to RAPE ME!”
…and that’s when we realized Rearden Metal could handle any caboose.
Oh, bravo! Atlas Shuddered.
I’m not heavy, I’m big-boned.
But… will it bend?!
Who you gonna call?
Ghostbusters!
We warned her those magnets weren’t candy, but she wouldn’t listen.
Through various different challanges of testing the latest materials our annual steel industry meeting has come to the final stage.
The picture say’s it all! (A picture is worth a 1000 words)
That pole is an engineering marvel.
Even the audience is in admiration of this feat of engineering excellence.
Structural engineer responsible for such design, name please..
Female delusion and self-entitlement at it’s finest.
Should I thank Facebook, or her beta-orbiter’s?
Even King Kong’s balls would shrivel into oblivion like that of slug under a salt storm!
Made possible by Titanium. The worlds strongest metal.
“Don’t throw nasty bucks at me. I want a sammich, motherfucker!”
Latest American Trend: Bernakefied Thighs Up In The Polls At Beta Frequented Strip Clubs
Haha, this reminds me one incident I saw – in Tempe, AZ there is a bar called Whip, they have a stripper pole secured only by a heavy base. A fat girl started dancing on the pole (quite a sight, in a bad way) and, of course, she knocks over the pole and falls. Everybody laughs, Next time I visit they put a small sign “No fat chicks please” in front of it. Hope it’s still there, although it would surprise me. Anyways, I think that bar deserves a CH award for community service.
‘You asked me once,’ said O’Brien, ‘what was in Room 101. I told you that you knew the answer already. Everyone knows it. The thing that is in Room 101 is the worst thing in the world.’
http://www.george-orwell.org/1984/21.html
“Ohhhhh, the humanatee!!!!”
Will work for Twonkies
Twinkies**
“Shame”, RIP.
At “Brothers Strip Club” we also have a wide selection of fried chicken, malt liquor, grape drink and macaroni and cheese.
Watchu waitin fo’
This is what feminist victory looks like.
Well, I WAS thin – that is, before we unionized.
Rock Bottom
If you are paying for this, you’re there.
or
DESPERATION
You know you’re there when you’re paying for this.
This is what equality looks like.
Self Esteem: When you lover yourself just the way you are.
Headline: “Turbo Swine splits from spit after haywire truss breaks”.
Oh, the humanatee.
The only club that uses a forklift to deliver lap dances…
Forget tipping dollars throw donuts…
“Come back when pigs can climb poles… Oh, w8…”
Being overweight is a major risk factor for cancer in women:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-16031149
Making it thunder in the Champagne Room at Wal-Mart
The new album cover for Panic! at the Strip Club
Swingers 4: Lap Dance Apocalypse
The inaugural test of the little-known precursor to the Large Hadron Collider located behind the Shoney’s in Marmet, WV, circa 2006
“PATRONS: Tips are appreciated. If arm becomes lodged between dancer and g-string, wave other hand and assistance will be provided. Motorboating is strictly at the patron’s own risk and neither management nor employees will be responsible for customer extraction. Thank you for patronizing The Feedhouse” — Mgmt
Putting the Size in Strippersize
Cirque du Soleil en Enfer
Stage music: Eat The Pain Away by Peaches Melba
Scientists at Large Holidron Colldier discover particle with infinite mass.
Black man dies, reincarnated as stripper pole.
Wackowski brothers reveal central character in new laws-of-physics bending thriller, The Femimatrix.
New toy! Just in time for Christmas…The amazing Inflato-Feminist. From ‘hot’ to ‘not’ in just seconds. Batteries not included.
Scientist discover how to inflate strippers with helium so it´s easier for them to reach the top of the pole
Amerrrrica… FUCK YEAH!
“I’m working my way through chef school. Honest.”
H.R. Geiger’s wife Martha makes her first social appearance.
She’s static, it’s the club what is spinning.
Everyone agreed- there was just something missing in the new American flag, especially when it fluttered in the breeze.
“Those two women behind me are SOOOOO jealous!!!”
Club collapses killing all due to mysterious failure of load bearing columns.
“We test our Cr-Mo alloy steel tubes to the most rigorous standards.”
Earth’s magnetic field suddenly reverses polarity
This is what is sounds like…when a pole cries.
first casualty of the jihad on fat girls.
“Welcome to America.”
“…the day pigs could fly.”
Many African tribes believe that if you eat a rhinoceros’ penis, you will become strong and virile like rhinoceros. The same applies to lots of animals. Fatso has successfully applied this theory. She ate a stripper.
There is something wrong with her eyes, that is not the ocean.