To praise, or not to praise? “seeking truth” asks:
The transition from sleeping often with women of assorted beauty and quality, over the past 8 years, to recently establishing a longer-term serious relationship with what I consider quite a valuable women is an interesting dilemma. Clearly there are long-term issues to excessively praising a woman, as constant exposure to praise will naturally lead one to lower the value of praising party, through over-exposure. However, when one is happy it is easy and natural to express the reasons for ones happiness. What is the balance?
What is your take on the long-term potential of a relationship strategy that involves praise for a woman’s strong points – Fun loving, Funny, Quick, Smart, Loving, Affectionate, and Attractive in large helpings of each, with a somewhat raunchy, nasty, perverted objectification of her as a sex object required to submit/please, along with occasional reminders of how successful and easy it has been to create hook-up situations?
For example, saying i love you and the same breath telling her to practice stretching so she can be manipulated for an easier pounding during an upcoming trip. Does the sexual objectification offset the Betazoid aspects of praise?
I am finding the application of game interesting and looking to better understand its various implementations to sort out a comfortable role for it in relationships.
Here are three key seduction maxims to live by.
Better to err on the side of too much boldness than too little.
Better to err on the side of too much assholery than not enough.
Better to err on the side of too little praise than too much.
Do you know what happens to guys who cravenly praise their girlfriends day in and day out? They get dumped. Or tossed into sexual solitary confinement. Or taken for granted, if they’re lucky.
Do you know what happens to guys who are stingy with their praise? They get more sex than they can handle. They also get some drama, but… would you rather deal with drama or getting dumped?
I hope this lesson has reached home. Man, I have known guys who:
1. never complimented their GFs’ looks
2. never complimented their GFs’ smarts
3. never complimented their GFs’ personalities
but who had their GFs wrapped around their fingers. Even funnier, their GFs complimented *them* all the time, and all they answered in return was a head nod or a “you bet”. Isn’t love grand?
Now this doesn’t mean you have to go ice cold aloof ninja to sustain a loving relationship. As men, when we love a woman, we feel urges to compliment her. It’s a natural by-product of wanting to sex her hot bod with extreme defilement. And, it makes us feel good to throw her a bone of flattery. But betas completely surrender themselves to this urge, and it costs them. Alphas channel this urge, and it pays dividends. The Goldilock’s Principle is definitely in play. Allow me to open a window into a woman’s head, so you can see how your praise is received by her subterranean neuronal rhythms.
Excessive praise ===> “I can do better than him”
No praise ===> “He doesn’t love me”
Just the right kind and amount of praise ===> “I love him”
The first one will corrupt your LTR. The second one will corrode your LTR, but only after a very long time has passed. The third one will feed her hamster juuuuust enough pellets to keep her wondering, guessing, loving, and desiring.
There is a flattery balance to strike that won’t DLV yourself, and here are some guidelines to reaching that balance:
1. Never praise your girlfriend from a position of weakness.
There’s no worse time to lavish your woman with compliments than when she’s giving you the cold shoulder. But, men being men and unable to comprehend the maddening illogic of the female mind, that’s usually the time when they can’t stop praising their girlfriends. She’s snapping at you? Butter her up! She’s withholding sex? Ring up the excessive compliments! She’s being a raging bitch? Tell her how great she is! And then plead forgiveness of your sins!
Lord almighty, is this what the church of white knightery teaches men nowadays? You couldn’t do more harm to your cause had you tucked your junk between your legs, kneeled and begged her to touch your pee pee from behind.
The absolute WORST time to flatter your girl is when she is making your life miserable. Why would you reward bad behavior? Make like the pussy whisperer and train your woman not to crap in your face. Betas have no game except cloying flattery and “”"supportiveness”"”, so their instinct is to turn to that in times of turmoil and layer it on thick as can be. And you know the gruesome results of that: the woman feels even more repulsed by his presence.
No, when you praise or compliment or act supportive, ALWAYS do it from a position of strength. If you’re wondering when that is, it’s when she’s fawning over you, or begging you to irrigate her furrow as you brush your dick tauntingly across her pink eggplant, or singing your praises to her friends, or just generally acting like a sweet, feminine woman in your company.
2. Never be consistent in how, or how often, you flatter your girlfriend.
Two predictable compliments a day, like a doctor’s order, is going to get tiring real fast. She should never know when you might deign to make her feel loved. And she should never hear the same damn turn of phrase every day either. The best times to praise your girl are when she least expects it, and that is usually when something else is happening and her attention is distracted from “you and her”. I like to toss out a compliment when she’s just dribbled food onto her blouse, or whisper a loving bon mot in her ear as she’s trying on clothes in front of the mirror. Unpredictability is as arousing to women as full firm tits are to men. Which leads to…
Maxim #55: The training of the woman distills to this essence: Punish her bad behavior consistently, reward her good behavior intermittently.
Enjoy your vagina deluge.
3. Flatter her in public.
You know what really flutters a girl’s heart? When you say something nice about her in front of her friends. That’s a relationship boost and a social status boost in one. Nonsexual public praise is the safer bet, but sexual public praise, if done right, can make her heart explode.
4. Praise those things about her that will redound to your benefit.
Sure, it’s easy to lapse into praising a woman’s most obviously enticing features, like her eyes or luscious lips. But she has little control over those advantages she enjoys. But if you praise her attractive behavior… “I love they way you’re so affectionate. It’s really sexy and so rare to find in a woman nowadays”… you encourage more of that positive behavior from her in the future.
Similarly, if you go the physical route, praising your girl’s ass will have the most impact when she just got back from the gym. She’ll want to keep going to the gym to earn more of that praise.
5. Use adjectives.
Chicks dig the adjective. Lots of them. Nice eyes? Meh. Orbs of liquid blue allure? Plow me! Caveat: Lawyercunts tend to balk at adjectives, because they are unfeminine and have incipient clit dicks. Just tell them you’re gonna rape them in two, and watch their love pour forth.
6. Always substitute nonverbal praise for verbal praise when you can.
Pinching her ass and smiling is more effective than telling her she has a great ass.
7. Substitute “we” for “you” in your compliments, when you can.
It’s the difference between putting her on a pedestal, and leaving a spot for her on your pedestal.
8. Romantic contrast is king.
If you always tell your girl “you’re so pretty”, she will expect the same endearment next time. If you always tell your girl “you’re ass is so righteous I’m gonna fill it with my religion”, she will expect the same perversion next time. But if you sweetly woo her “I love the way we kiss” as you’re leaving for work in the morning, and then hoarsely whisper to her “your ass is so hot my dick wants to wear it as a sombrero” when you return in the evening, she’ll have two orgasms, one for her and one for her hamster. Squeak!
9. Rarity is the glow of clits.
If you get a great reaction from your flattery, don’t beat it to death. Stop, drop and change the subject. You’d be amazed how many betas will sabotage their brief moments of glory by returning over and over to the same well. Any sort of praise of a woman ought to be, by natural habit and sincere discernment, a rare and welcomed thing. Most men have the problem of overestimating the right amount of praise. The right amount is much less than men think. If I had to estimate, one week between compliments is a good rough number to shoot for within an established LTR. Whatever number, it should never be more than the number of compliments *she* lavishes on you. Abide the Golden Ratio (see the 16 Commandments at the top of the blog). Note: raunchy talk is technically not praise, so you can raunch it up often without worrying about DLVing yourself, though it’s a good idea to dish that out irregularly, for the same reasons you would be spare in your nonsexual flattery.
10. Finally, praise feminine qualities, not masculine qualities.
Do you want to turn your sweet petunia into a proud feminist with a jagged fault line running straight through her soul? Then why are you complimenting her “ambition”? Men with no clue often think women want to hear what they would like to hear. No. Women want to hear that you acknowledge and love their unique gifts — their femininity, their generosity, their softness, their sexiness. It’s similar to how men get tired of hearing their women praise their “muscles”. Ladies, you really want to strike the gooey center of your man’s heart? Tell him you love how he commands a room. Bam. You’ve just won an extra 30 seconds of lovemaking.
I hope this clears the matter for you. Compliments are garnishes, not the main dish. Nobody wants to eat a full plate of parsley. And remember, disapproving of her flaws is as crucial to LTR management as offering praise of her… talents. More crucial, I’d say, because a missed compliment won’t lower your value like a missed reprimand will.