A reader forwarded this email as an example of what not to say to a girl whom you “admire from afar”.
I’ve attached an email sent to one of my co-workers from a former co-worker who had the reputation of being ‘creepy’ towards most of the women in my office.
Anyway, I thought you’d get a kick out of this tripe.
Fw: U light up a room.
Hey – sorry if you catch me starring at you from time to time. I bet that it’s probably uncomfortable. You are very beautiful and continue to evolutionize your look at times so drastically that it;s intriguing. It also reveals the many levels, the rainbow of emotions within you. Most people have a collage of personalities that make them up into an individual, but struggle in finding a good, fun, kind balance between them. You are bless to be able to have such a capacity to be you and enjoy it. You are special. I have been around for a minute now (38 years) and seen and been in many adverse and awesome situations. Through it all I have met many people and few ( a handful) have I ever felt like expressing what my spirit tells me to remind you of.
Today you look so Q, you can easily be thought off as a 23 year old. No harm intended in my comments young lady – it’s just that you light up a room. I also choose to e-mail you, rather than verbally tell you because I truly do not wish to make you uncomfortable, and if I do [name redacted] – all you have to do is let me know and I will never comment again.
Anyhoo – you place a smile in my heart and I am just trying to place a smile in your face. There are folks with toxic attitudes around us at times do not get contaminated by them – instead – edify them.
That’s one ugly mess. I nominate this yearning missive for inclusion into the Omega/Beta Hall of Shame. It’s a sterling representative of the genre.
A brief analysis of the points in the email at which the writer crossed the creep threshold are in order. Sometimes, it helps to spell these things out for the short bus contingent.
U light up a room.
Poetically flattering a woman you have not had one date with is like getting LOW VALUE MALE tattooed on your forehead. Because that’s how (modern) women are going to perceive your gallant efforts at a love connection.
“Hi, Jenny! You look really pretty.”
“Hi, Low Value Male! I can deduce by your forehead tattoo that your compliment is expected and honorably consistent with your low ranking on the male totem pole.”
“So you’re saying I have a chance?”
“Turn that LMV into an HMV, and we’ll talk!”
Also, there’s a beta and an alpha way to ignore punctuation. If your first word in an email is “U”, you’re starting off on the wrong foot. Generally, aloof alpha punctuation — where periods and capital letters are dropped in favor of mysterious cut-off sentences — is best reserved for text messages. Doing the same in email risks making you look like a remedial class teenager.
If he had begun his email with this, and ended it with this, he would have been on much firmer ground.
sorry if you catch me starring at you from time to time.
If you’re a desperate omega, the last thing you want to do is draw attention to your stalkerish omegatude. (This email is so bad, it better qualifies as the effortlust of an omega male than the tentative mincing of a beta.)
I bet that it’s probably uncomfortable.
A cool, funny chick would write back, “You bet correctly, sir!”
You are very beautiful and continue to evolutionize your look at times so drastically that it;s intriguing.
Great example of a mediocrity straining to sound smoother and smarter than he is. Paging Oswald Bates…
It also reveals the many levels, the rainbow of emotions within you.
You know when girls are down for this “I can appreciate all your levels” bullshit? When they have already been fucked by you at least 150 times. If you’re trying to make an impression on a girl by implying that you’re different than all the other guys who can’t see the real person inside of her, the time to do that is when it actually means something; like when it’s one year into a relationship and she’s still struggling to get you to agree on exclusivity. Also, no man should ever use the word “rainbow”, unless it’s to ridicule another man using the word “rainbow”. In today’s rapidly degenerating culture, the word too easily conjures scenes of bronies mutually fellating each other in a giant ponyjerk. With velvety plush headgear on.
You are bless to be able to have such a capacity to be you and enjoy it.
This is anti-game. He’s basically excused her from the burden of treating him kindly, let alone as a sexual prospect.
You are special.
When you’re in a hole, the first thing you do is stop digging. This guy’s gunning for China.
I have been around for a minute now (38 years) and seen and been in many adverse and awesome situations.
Worst DHV ever.
Through it all I have met many people and few ( a handful) have I ever felt like expressing what my spirit tells me to remind you of.
What’s going through the girl’s head when she reads this: “He feels inspired to pour his heart out to me because he gets a chub every time he sees me over the cubicle walls?”
Well, that’s not actually what goes through her head. It’s more like this: “Creep, creep, creeper, creep. Ew.” Which amounts to saying the same thing as above.
No harm intended in my comments young lady -
If you’re an older man hitting on a younger woman, the LAST thing you want to call her is “young lady”. Epic omega fail. And if you truly intend no harm, the last thing you want to say is that you intend no harm. There’s that rule in advertising that simply mentioning a negative is enough to plant it in a customer’s head and associate it with your product/personhood.
I also choose to e-mail you, rather than verbally tell you because I truly do not wish to make you uncomfortable
A seduction without discomfort is called idle chit chat. All seductions must contain a stirring of discomfort. Otherwise, every lame omega and beta male with sensitivity to spare and teardrops on command will be able to swoop femme fatales with ease.
all you have to do is let me know and I will never comment again.
Attainably attractive girls who have experience dealing with the fumbling come-ons of betas know this isn’t true. The minute a loser says he will “never comment/call/write again”, the girl knows he will do just that. Which is why girls will rarely reply to these sorts of queries; it only encourages the loser. (I once knew of a total omega male in high school who got a rejection message delivered personally from the girl friend of a girl he had a crush on for two years. The sad sack proceeded to pursue the girl for two more years, hoping to get a clarification.)
you place a smile in my heart and I am just trying to place a smile in your face.
Let’s run this line through the Alpha Reformulator (a device which alters dorky beta droolings into coolbreeze alpha charmbullets): “my heart was smiling thinking about you until you microwaved that noxious curry lunch. thanks for killing the romance i was about to lay down on your day.”
There are folks with toxic attitudes around us
aka jerks who always take the girls.
at times do not get contaminated by them – instead – edify them.
What happens when a dumbass tries for profound and winds up writing gibberish.
No emoticons! What’s an emoticon doing in this email when I told you no EMOTICONS EVER!
and, oh dear lord, he added the o-nose. I bet he thinks women fart anime characters.
You know what would’ve been funny? And less beta? If he had signed off deliberately misspelling “ciao” as “chow”. Unfortunately, his stupidity is of the unintentional variety.
Well, I hope that expedition through the thickets of the omega male psychological landscape was as painful for you as it was for me. Lessons learned:
1. Guys like this make it easy for guys with game.
2. There are shadowy realms beyond which even my considerable powers of instruction cannot penetrate. Introducing a lost cause like this dude to game will only provoke a defensive reaction and further turtling into his self-perpetuating misery. I think we all know a few guys who fall into that category.
I imagine every female reader who read that email had the word “creep” flash through her head. It’s a catch-all term that women generally use to describe men who exhibit the characteristics, mannerisms, self-negating attitude and social retardation that typically accompany involuntary celibacy and a lack of facility navigating the psychological peculiarities of women. Men need not necessarily be intrinsically low value to get slapped with the creep label; a man who could get lots of attention from women, but who evinces the attitude of the needy creep (much to the chagrin of the women who win an audience with him), is thrown into the same untouchables pile as our forlorn emailer inducted into the Chateau Hall of Beta Shame.
In short, “creeper” = “needy beta”. The slang may change, but the nature stays the same.