Ah, HBDers. They get a bad rap as autistic nerdlings. But, you know what, Rainman didn’t miss a toothpick. That’s more than can be said for emotional equalists who make up toothpicks where none exist, and pretend that the toothpicks in front of them are actually thumbtacks. The latest support for human biodiversity theory comes to us from a guarded location deep in politically incorrect kingdom, where offense reigns supreme, censors are routed, and outraged pussies are mercilessly mocked until they slice lengthwise.
What’s the latest news you can self-abuse? Penis size differs by ethnicity and race.
The average British man’s penis is apparently 5.5in when erect – coming ahead of the French at 5.3in, Australians (5.2in), Americans (5.1in) and Irish (5in).
And it towers over the average manhood in North and South Korea – the smallest in the study at a mere 3.8 in.
But British men do not have a great deal to shout about in the trouser stakes – coming only 78th out of 113 nationalities covered in the study.
The men of Africa’s Republic of Congo are best equipped of all at 7.1 in.
The study isn’t without its critics, who contend the methodology is wanting. But it is a preliminary stab at a forbidden subject that pretty much confirms what all of us slyly notice in pornos and at the gym locker. Black dudes are packing and Asian dudes are sprouting. White dudes are in the middle.
Average penis size by country:
Republic of Congo, 7.1 [ed: show-er... and grower?]
South Africa 6
New Zealand 5.5
Ireland 5 [leprechauns!]
South Korea 3.8
North Korea 3.8 [but their women's pussies are tight like balloon knot, so it doesn't matter... until they emigrate to non-asian countries.]
Penises are like the story of Goldicocks and the Three Bears.
Big Black Bear’s cock is sexy but uncivilized. It tears Goldicocks up, leaving her a quivering mass of orgasmic release and STDs.
Androgynous Asian Bear’s cock is unstimulating but loyal. It barely makes a dent in Goldicocks’ cavernous vagina, but it sticks around to see the kids (aka “grays”) through 35 years of post-graduate schooling, and eventually goes on to rule the world with their half-asian bear, half-jewish home invader progeny.
Wan and Woolly White Bear’s cock is juuuuust right. Sexy enough for Goldicocks to feel like her cave is properly explored, but included with some safety gear and a home mortgage.
On a less serious note, readers may wonder why racial and ethnic penis size differences exist in the first place. Random genetic drift? An evolutionary adaptation along for the ride because it was hitched to some unrelated genetic variant that improved survival&reproduction? Sexual selection? Lynn has offered his theories, and I’ve heard of others. The most plausible theories boil down to these two:
- Women in warmer r-selection societies (where kids are pumped out early and often and fathers are mostly absent and not needed to help raise the kids) choose men who are flashier, sexier and sizier. Literally. It’s hot out, you’ve got your cock out, and women are staring at your package next to a bunch of other guys’ packages. The women don’t care so much about your fidelity or your paycheck from coding Facebook apps; first things first, they want that massive dong.
- Men in r-selection societies need bigger penises to dig down deep and scoop out competitor male sperm, said sperm which is in there because the women are really slutty and/or unfaithful. Men in highly k-selected societies, like Japan, don’t need huge dongs because their women aren’t always on the prowl for side action sexytime. A small hoohah helper does the trick.
If you’ve got other theories for population group penis size discrepancies, let’s hear them. The more interesting angle to this is the intra-European size difference. Why are the Irish smaller than the Germans? Why are Swedes so relatively hyooge? Background noise? Or is something else going on here? Something… so distasteful to polite society, that not even whispers escape the mouths of crime thinkers?