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Archive for the ‘Alpha’ Category

That’s how it’s done. Suit up. Chin up. Eyes straight. Smirk like you own the joint. Or you’re about to get one over on someone you hate.

As a commenter noted, Perry’s mug shot reminded him of someone else.

It’s almost as if there are universal, cosmic rules governing (heh) what facial expressions humans perceive to be recognizably alpha, (or beta. cf: john scalzi).

When you’re an alpha male, all the world’s a studio shot.

Since we’re on the subject of alpha male mug shots:

I detect a nascent smirk and arched eyebrow. But what really ties the alpha together is the T-shirt. Yes, that’s a graphic of his own previous mug shot on his shirt. Recursive jerkboy game.

CH discussion of politicians’ body language does not necessarily imply partisan support or disapproval. So don’t litter the comments section with political yammering.

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GIRL: “Are you gay?”

MAN:

Perfection is rarely seen so clearly in the wild.

Sending this pic to a frisky filly may not guarantee the bang, but goddamn will it leave a smile on your face. And likely on hers, too.

PS And here’s the worst — and also the funniest — reply to any girl’s obnoxious question:

IF A GIRL EVER SAID THAT TO ME I WOULD END HER LIFE BY PUMMELING HER WITH SOME RIGHTEOUS FISTS OF EXTREMELY MASCULINE FURY THEN WHILE SHE WAS LYING ON THE FLOOR IN A PILE OF HER OWN BLOOD I WOULD PUT A BUN IN HER OVEN. FOR CLARITY, I MEAN THAT I WOULD LITERALLY STUFF A BREAD ROLL UP HER VAGINA. THEN I WOULD WATCH SOME TOM CRUISE MOVIES. BE CAREFUL NOT TO BE CONSUMED BY THE DARKNESS

h/t yeahokcool. This may be the first time ALL CAPS wasn’t overkill.

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If you should understand one thing about niceguy beta male behavior, it’s this: A little goes a long way, especially if it’s opposed by an anti-beta force.

A lot of men are constitutional romantics, and enjoy lavishing pretty women with displays of beta piety. This is a dangerous compulsion to have, as such behavior left unchecked will sour a woman’s love more surely than it will earn her loyal affection.

So if it’s a compulsion you must indulge, you need to a) limit its scope and frequency and b) bracket instances of it with the general demeanor of its opposite; namely, alpha male conceit.

Commenter English Dude passes along a personal observation that illustrates how a man can afford a beta margin of error.

As daft as this is, [jerkboy entitlement] allows the meanest guys to be pretty beta, or completely braindead in other ways too.

Sat behind a couple on the bus the other day, the guy was one of the typical “arseholes” in my area, (average height, early 20s braindead, drug dealer, could hardly string a sentence together besides “U wanna fite? I’ll bang u out” sorta stuff), on the bus with his gf. She was pretty attractive, not as much to me but other people would consider her “hot” etc.

He’d obviously done something wrong as I saw him giving her a pink glittery “I’m sorry” card, curious I peeked over to see what was inside as she was holding it open while reading.

“To my dearest prettiest princess, I’m so so sorry for what I have dun and I promise I will never do it to u ever again

I luv u with all my heart and u will always be my princess forever if u will have me. Lots of luv [guy's name] xxxxxxxxxxx”

Paraphrasing a bit there and I’m sure it had more “sorrys” and “princess” in that, but it almost made me feel sick at how wimpy it was heh. No idea what he’d done, probably cheated or something. She read it and looked a bit embarrassed but said ok and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

The next month I saw them still together, he was shouting at and hitting her (in public), as well as trying to fight anyone else in the vicinity. Seem them since too, still together..

I completely realise and understand that if I did something like that (not that I would), it would be shown off to ALL her friends (probably put on facebook too) to be laughed at, then I’d end up dumped the next day in whatever rottenest way she could conjure heh.

Sometimes you get trolls and/or knaves coming to this outpost of love to vociferously declaim anecdotes about this one guy they saw who “acted like a total beta pussboy yet still got the girl”. Of the ones who aren’t lying about what they saw, you can bet that a good many of these stories were observed by our intrepid beta defenders missing any vital context. They saw a man nauseatingly profess his love for his girlfriend, but they didn’t see all the other times he behaved more like the chav in English Dude’s slice of life above.

Without that crucial alpha male context, you can’t know that beta male antics are what got the girl.

Maybe then it won’t come as a surprise to know that it’s not uncommon for the most egregious beta male supplication to issue from the hardened husks of some really unsavory alpha males. That alpha male love is a wicked concoction of fury, caprice, selfishness, thoughtlessness, and occasional heady romantic abandon. It works, because beta ballads tend to be appreciated more by girls when they’re rare and unexpected events rather than daily rituals.

What about the opposite ratio? Are beta males who drop stealth alpha bombs attractive to girls? Well, they’re certainly more attractive than all beta-all the time autobots. But the vajmagic (it’s vagical!) doesn’t work quite the same way as majority alpha-minority beta. One, girls will more conspicuously forgive the incongruence of an alpha wolf donning beta wool than they will the incongruence of a beta boob slipping into an alpha push-up bra. The tuning fork of female desire vibrates primarily for “arseholes”, which means that if a beta male doesn’t evince some degree of alpha attitude during the opening salvos it’s probable that the girl’s asexual impression of him will solidify and close off any romantic avenues.

If you’re curious what an all beta-all the time autobot sounds like, here’s an animated confessional of a beta male orbiter with a chronic case of one-itis who started beta, stayed beta, and finished beta, tragically true to the beta male credo that predictability is the hobgoblin of emasculated minds.

You can increase your behavioral beta male margin of error by, in most ways and at most times, acting behaviorally alpha. The more alpha you are, the larger your beta margin of error when you backslide, intentionally or accidentally.

One thing you’ll observe about charismatic jerkboys… when they “go beta”, they do it differently than actual betas. Their sappy romanticism tends to be more self-centered and entitled — “you’ll always be my princess” “we’ll be together forever, and I’ll show you the end of the rainbow” — rather than pleading or appeasing. At the heart of the alpha’s (temporary) beta male capitulation is a throbbing male entitlement that chicks love.

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Reader IHTG forwarded this funny gif of a dude teasing a girl right up to the line of sexual harassment, holding his frame, and then defusing the tension with yet more teasing. Any formal context is missing (which is obviously true for short gifs), but you can figure it out by everyone’s facial expression.

This is a nice little demonstration of the cocky/funny alpha male attitude.

The (one-sided) courtship opens with the male’s exaggerated pose of neediness requesting acknowledgement from the female.

The female responds with a “who, me?” gesture, as most women would to a man brazenly beckoning for them. The rarity of such a thing among the males of the genus westernius Manboobii is what provokes the submissive female auto-response.

The courtship enters the “shock and awe” stage, when the alpha male “air swats” the female’s buttocks.

Now that the pair are fully engaged with one another, the female expresses anger and indignation toward the alpha male for his surprise advance on her posterior. In lioness terms, she evades the male lion’s mounting and wheels around to make a threat display. But we all know how this ends.

The alpha male does not appease the female nor attempt a reconciliation. Instead, he grins sociably, points at the female as if to declare her facial expression the height of comedy, and faces the crowd of onlookers to enlist their support and preempt any move by the female to ostracize him.

Turning back to the female (her hands perched on her hips waiting for his apologia), he extends a handshake of friendship to defuse the escalating sexual tension, only to once again befuddle and arouse the female by pulling his hand away from her just at the moment she prepares to accept his peace offering.

Finally, the courtship reaches the apogee of its first phase, when the alpha male’s cocky antics elicit a smile and a flurry of lighthearted punches from the female, who has been awakened to a state of sexual receptivity and has begun the second phase of the courtship where she “presents” to the alpha male for a continuation of their mating ritual.

In related news, Elliot Rodger never faked out a girl with a phony handshake.

 

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Moments Of Alpha

Continuing with our series, I relate an episode. In an ornery mood made worse by my need to take public transit and the usual company that entails, two girls — one cute, the other chubby — giggled while repeatedly glancing in my direction.

I was stretched lengthwise, tiredly in my seat, appraising the two gossips through bored half-lids. The chubby one suddenly leaned forward and pointed at my feet.

“Nice clown socks.”

On any other day I would have gamely smiled at this distaff insouciance, and prepared an amiable springboard for a few minutes of distracting banter about the sexual allure of clowns. But that day I was a foul-tempered beast with a thousand yard serial killer stare.

“Thanks. Nice clown face.”

The chubster fell backwards in her seat, wide-eyed and slack-jawed. Her cute friend slowly grinned and glistened in the eyes, a telltale sign she glistened elsewhere. I slipped the shiv in further.

“I mean, if we’re gonna share opinions about total strangers.”

It was a thin crowd, so the sound barrier of our repartee was largely confined to our immediate meatspace; nevertheless, an older woman and a younger man overheard, and both chuckled.

I wasn’t sure, but I could have sworn the cute friend inched away from her chubby compatriot, just a little, but just enough to reveal the repulsion of chubby’s defeat and the pull of my jerkboyishness.

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Moments Of Alpha

“Moments of Alpha” is a new series at Chateau Heartiste. Each post will feature a captured moment in time when a man exhibited unmistakable alpha male behavior that is a turn-on for women. The moments of alpha will run the entire spectrum of sexy masculinity, from the extreme that shocks to the subtle that seduces.

The purpose of Moments of Alpha is to reveal, through repeated exposure, the mysterious oscillations of the alpha male’s subconscious, and to ingest through this syncopation of illumination a mental template that can be incorporated into one’s own subconscious, so that the behavioral profile of men who do well with women will osmotically transfer to the attentive reader.

It is NOT a bullet point list of alpha male tactics to mimic. I can already hear some whiny feeb littering the comments. “But I tried this moment of alpha and the girl didn’t open her legs on cue! What went wrong!?” If mimicry is your goal, you will have missed the point entirely. This isn’t a memorization exercise. Think of it instead as a meditation exercise. Moments of Alpha is a strange universe to the uninitiated man, and you are here to immerse yourself in its vastness and perplexity.

Our first MOA is from Hedonism Bot, who writes,

I had a roommate who was a total natural. One of his slampieces came over (I had never seen him be nice to her) and I buzzed her in. She came in blabbing on her phone and when the roommate went to talk to her, she gave him the one minute sign. His eyes widened then he tackled her to the floor and slapped the phone out of her hand. I laughed and left to go on about my business. I found the next day not too long after I left he fisted her on the living room floor and she was “loving it”.

I have not, before or since, seen such a display firsthand.

Extremism in the pursuit of pussy is no vice. No doubt many species of the weaker beta males shuddered at the thought of tackling a girl and slapping away her phone. Doubtless, too, they shuddered harder thinking of the orgasmic perversion this unleashed in her.

Meditate for a while on this. and welcome with open mind and yearning heart the next Moment of Alpha.

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the cat gives me tingles.

She sounds relieved that there’s finally an alpha male in her marriage to whom she can submit. The job was apparently open…

Woman up front, man in back, just the way she likes it.

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