Beta Of The Month: Asexual Purgatory

There are apparently asexuals among us. They claim they have no interest in sex, and it’s not a psychological coping mechanism for involuntary celibacy. Jenni is one of the estimated 1% of people in the UK who identify themselves as asexual. Asexuality is described as an orientation, unlike celibacy which is a choice. “People say ‘well if [...]

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2009 Beta Of The Year Winner!

After a year of collecting reader submissions for the most nauseating example of sack shriveling betatude the world over, a Beta of the Year ”winner” has finally been announced! Based on popular vote, the winner of the 2009 BOTY is….. Conor, the facsimile of a man who allowed a woman to walk all over him, bought [...]

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The 2009 Beta Of The Year Vote

The twelve ignominious betas for each month of 2009 have been declared by popular vote and now it is time for you, the readers, to vote for a final winner from among those twelve for the Beta of the Year contest. Consider carefully the candidates below before casting your vote for the one man to [...]

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December 2009 Beta Of The Month

The final candidate of 2009! Tomorrow we reveal the contest for the Beta of the Year. Last month’s winner, by a healthy margin, was a cuckold who asked his cheating girlfriend on a call-in radio program how he could “make her love him more”. She told him, in essence, to grow a pair, but he proved [...]

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November 2009 Beta Of The Month

We’re getting near the end of the year when the final beta — the One Beta to rule them all — is voted upon for inclusion into the pussywhipped Hall of Infamy. Last month’s winner, sent in by reader waysa, was the Croatian tennis “pro” (loosely defined) who begged and pleaded not just for sex, [...]

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October 2009 Beta Of The Month

Gentlemen, grab your cat o’ nine tails because we’re in for another round of beta lashings. Deliver these betas from their trespasses and lead them not unto self-constructed torment. Sweet, sweet deliverance. It was a tight race, but the winner by a plurality of the September 2009 BOTM was the sad sack husband who is [...]

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September 2009 Beta Of The Month

Esteemed members of the Chateau, we have our first four-way Beta of the Month Battle. These “men”, and I use the term loosely, are doozies. First, the winner of the August 2009 BOTM, by the biggest margin yet recorded for BOTM, was wealthy WASP (white anglo-saxon pud) caricature Topper, who graciously inquired of the European aristocrat boning [...]

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August 2009 Beta Of The Month

The crack team of Chateau Beta of the Month researchers took a couple weeks off, so the August 2009 BOTM is tardy. Or fashionably late, if you prefer the reframe. The winner of the July 2009 BOTM, by a wide margin, was Travis D’arby, the SWPL self-parody who can’t figure out why his wife has so [...]

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July 2009 Beta Of The Month

I had to slog through a lot of reader submissions to choose two candidates for the July 2009 BOTM. How much am I getting paid for this again? First, the winner of the June 2009 BOTM was Ryan Stokes, the Australian billionaire media heir who hitched himself to a world class cunt and couldn’t find the [...]

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June 2009 Beta Of The Month

June coughed up a bevy of magnificent betas! There were so many good choices, I’ve expanded this month’s voting to a three-way contest. Before we get to the reader submitted June candidates, it’s time to announce the May 2009 BOTM winner: Congratulations, Edmund Andrews, reporter for the New York Beta Times (AKA “All The Lies That’re Fit [...]

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