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When a woman in your company verbalizes her stray thoughts about sex, for whatever purpose, you can be sure that your odds of sex with her that night have risen significantly.

Reader Arbiter recounts,

Off topic: yesterday I stayed at a girl’s place, someone I had been seeing every now and then earlier this year, but hadn’t seen now for several months. So this was a restart of the booty calling.

So, while we were sitting in the couch watching Britain’s Got Talent videos on her laptop, and doing some other stuff, she told me “No sex this first time, okay?”
“Okay,” I said, naturally with no intention of sticking to that. But she got to do her no-slut thing. Then it wasn’t her fault when I went for it in bed later.

The thing is, I was actually thinking of CH wisdom about how “When a girl says ‘no sex tonight’ on a date, she is thinking of having sex with you.” I would have done the same thing anyway, but it was a reminder that you’re not out in deep water if you’re going for it in that situation.

For those who say that “this is all theory, you can’t think of it all in real life”, it’s like driving a car: You make the theory part of your own style. You practice and practice until following the theory in practice comes natural and requires little thought.

Yes, a girl who warns you, in so many words, “no sex tonight” at any time during a date (or quasi-date) is far more likely to have sex with you that night than a girl who doesn’t say anything about sex while on a date with her. Once desire is inflamed in a woman, a precious egg-protection mental protocol initiates a sequence of courtship flanking maneuvers that obstruct any clean pathways to her egg, including self-sabotage pathways. A woman prefers not to make it easy for womb raiders, or for herself. One of many sleights of white matter hamster she will perform to satisfy her self-perception (some of it grounded in biological reality) of high sexual worth is the preemptive rebuke. If she has announced her modesty, then anything she might do later would be a clear violation of her modesty boundaries, and thus not her fault.

Women only speak in these riddles when motivated by unmistakably hot feelings. A woman will never utter the cautionary phrase “no sex tonight” unless thoughts of sex tonight had already set up camp in her electric ham.

If you ever hear this from a girl you’re dating, the correct response is “OK”, followed by unspoken dismissal of her pretend boundaries. She wants reassurance before she releases herself to you. What she doesn’t want is you to take her words to heart and retreat from the fight.

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I’m not sure if the subject of women complimenting men has been covered before at CH, but it’s worth revisiting even so. Reader NorthWestBest asks,

I was wondering how you would accept compliments from a woman? When a woman says, “you’re cute” or “nice shorts, are those new?” or some other bullshit like that, what should I say back in order for her to have the most desirable image for myself. Ill let you know I have no lack of confidence, I will say what ever comes to my mind, but I was hoping you had something clutch to say (you usually do). Also this is just for casual at school interactions where I’m not trying to pick here up (at this specific time) but I’m definitely trying to form a desirable image for future interactions. Also if convenient you should post some more articles on things to say/do with little amounts of time, because I’m in high school and as you probably know already, you don’t have very much one on one time with the women, or a lot of time at all. So thanks in advance if you respond to this.

The CH lesson is always, ALWAYS, supremacy of attitude over execution. If you possess the alpha attitude, the sexy words will fall into place.

Given that axiom, the right attitude to have when a girl compliments you is: yeah, I get this a lot. Act like you’ve heard it before. If you act instead like an excited boy who can’t believe his ears, then the girl will retroactively wonder if you were worth her compliment.

In my experience, the best way to accept compliments from women is

“Thanks”

I’m not being glib. That is often the best response to a girl complimenting you. Say it calmly without effusive gratitude. A flash of smile is the perfect accessory.

That’s how a confident man would respond to being complimented by a woman. He wouldn’t self-efface or doubt the girl’s sincerity or argue with her opinion. A simple ‘thanks’ goes a long way to avoiding any impression that you’re parched for female flattery.

If the context is one in which gaming her is possible, and you want to enrich the conversation beyond ‘thanks’, then you could tease her.

SWEET TEEN GIRL: “nice shorts, are those new?”

HIGH SCHOOL HO MAGNET: “sure. don’t forget to check them out from the back.” [turn around like you're modeling your butt for her]

Teasing is fun and girls just wanna have fun. Good teasing, like the above, has an element of ‘assuming the sale’. Chicks dig pre-sold men.

UPDATE

As a commenter mentioned, don’t lob a return compliment after a girl compliments you. Girls love men who can accept their compliments without feeling an obligation to answer in kind. Betas tend to do this a lot, because they aren’t comfortably narcissistic enough to accept flattery without feeling unworthy of it.

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Overcoming A Bad First Impression

You meet a girl. She’s pretty, so you feel yourself tightening up, and your brain revving hot. You speak, trying hard to say something witty. Big mistake. You say something awkwardly tone deaf that pulls everyone nearby out of the conversational flow. You cringe inwardly and are sure it’s noticeable outwardly. This makes it worse. Anything you say now will be even stupider and more charmless, pinched through the contracting voicebox of your amygdala.

You’ve made a bad first impression. For most men (read: beta males), this would mean the hopeful romance was deep-sixed. It’s hard to change a woman’s first impression, and just as hard to change your reflexive withdrawal when you become aware you’ve messed up.

But, it’s not impossible. Bad first impressions can be overcome. The technique itself is easy, even if the mental hurdle to accept the technique into your life is high.

A reader pleads,

Love your posts. In the near future, can you please address how to overcome the initial first impression which was bad? Most of what you says makes sense but stigma of previous reputation of nerd/geek/loser,etc. can negate any learned experience. This post can be of tremendous value because it’s not always convenient to change venues.
Thanks.
Mr.B

Recovering from a bad first impression is a two-step process:

1. Ignore it
2. Plow

To give an example of what I mean, think of a natural you know from your life. The “What Would A Natural Do?” rule applies here.

Naturals aren’t always on; sometimes they too say stupid or incongruous things. We can’t all be Chateau lords. If you know or have known some naturals, and spent a decent amount of time in their company, you’ll recall a few missteps they made. And you’ll recall how they responded. Often, from what I see, the natural recovers from a self-inflicted social miscue with a potent dose of nonchalance.

Basically, act like nothing you said or did went afoul of social etiquette. Remember: OVERCONFIDENCE IS KING in the realm of quivering vaginas. What does an entitled, narcissistic, self-regarding, overconfident, jerkboy natural beloved by women everywhere do when he bumbles? I’m sorry, do you think he notices or cares when he bumbles? He doesn’t. Or, if he notices his faux pas, he acts like he doesn’t notice it. He registers no perceptible shame, no clumsy self-acknowledgement, no reddening cheeks, no stiff retreat from the social matrix. He just plows ahead to bless the world with his next gilded thought.

And girls respond universally to that kind of quasi-sociopathic practiced unconcern with one’s perceived impression: Curiosity greased by their mental Bartholin’s glands.

This isn’t the only way to overcome a bad first impression, but it is the preferred method of 4 out of 5 naturals. Mild self-referential humor is another effective tactic. Making light of one’s own social mistake, if pulled off with a competent mien of amused detachment, will release the awkward tension and allow those present to laugh along with you, which is a powerful “social leader” DHV.

“Yup, I just said something nerdy. If you can’t handle it, the cooler guys are over there.” [point to a nerd herd]

Disqualification plus savvy acknowledgement of social realities is chicknip.

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Women, especially pretty young things, possess a natural entitlement that is the psychological effluvium of being the sex with more reproductive value. Men who step in line with this natural female entitlement (I’m looking at you white knights) are usually rewarded with NOSEX. But men who assume the mantle of female entitlement for themselves are irresistible by their rarity. Flipping the biological script is outrageous and novel; the entitled man demands a woman’s rapt appraisal.

Reservoir Tip writes,

One shit test keeps coming my way, mainly on tinder, and I’m curious how you guys would handle it.

I’ll be getting a girl to come over, and at the last minute she’ll throw out,

“How do I know you’re worth it?”

This is a classic Female Entitlement Syndrome Shit Test (FESST). It’s more common among marginally attractive girls, lower class girls, and stridently unfeminine lawyercunts who feel a need to convince themselves of their own desirability. Very pretty women will rarely rear up on you with claws so starkly bared, because they are content with an inner confidence that comes from knowing they have nothing to prove. The residual reproductive value of a 19 year old HB10 is conspicuous from its beginnings as a speck on the horizon; the same cannot be said of a vigorously twerking, clear and present 33 year old Bindi HB5.

Stealing a woman’s natural entitlement is easier than it may first seem.

GIRL: How do I know you’re worth it?

GÖTTERDÄMMERHUNG: I’m talking to you, right.

The above is a subtle steal. The neophyte beta male, feeling the weight of his newborn bristly balls, might reply “You’re talking to me, right?”, thinking that this was a clever retort to her challenge. But the alpha male knows better; any acquiescence to a woman’s frame is failure, no matter how cleverly garbed. Her frame must be destroyed, utterly. “I’m talking to you, right” (note the jettisoned question mark) assumes the sale. It’s a bit of wordplay that connotes the man’s higher value by tacitly reminding the girl she’s the one invested in keeping this conversation going.

(True or not, it doesn’t matter. What matters is massaged perception.)

Here’s another example of stealing a woman’s natural entitlement and muddling the pulp out of her frame.

GIRL: How do I know you’re worth it?

RAGNARCOCK: Charm school wasn’t my thing either.

Watch for the follow-up defensive crouch where pussy waterfalls are sprayed in fine mists over jungle canopies. The wording is crucial. You don’t want to mow her down tongue-guns a-blazing. It’s better to leave a little room for her to laugh it off with face-saving denials. Setting yourself up as an ally in oafishness creates that elusive “connection” that pickup artists know is the longest and most fruitful side quest on the road to sex.

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Eric Barker, a guy CH has linked to several times over the years because of his outstanding work compiling data-rich studies into the workings of the sexual market, has a new article in The Week titled ‘The Science of Sex: 4 Harsh Truths About Dating and Mating’.

The four harsh truths he lists and thoroughly corroborates with links to scientific studies will be very familiar to regular CH readers, as they all vindicate a number of Heartistian field observations of the flesh and blood dating world where men and women collide in hopeful union.

1) Those things we say we hate actually make us more attracted to people.

When someone plays hot-cold, keeps you guessing, makes you constantly uncertain?

Yeah, that makes you even more attracted:

Participants in the uncertain condition were most attracted to the men — even more attracted than were participants who were told that the men liked them a lot. Uncertain participants reported thinking about the men the most, and this increased their attraction toward the men.

Never listen to what a woman says; watch what she does. You ever wonder why women complain about equivocal men, when you yourself and every man you know are niceguys who never lead women on or play head games with women? Wonder no more. Women complain about these kinds of men because these are the men women choose to date and screw. They’re like children who complain about the sugar rush from eating lots of candy.

2) Yes, guys are pretty shallow.

The stereotypes are true: men want sex more than women and, yeah, guys are more likely to hit on girls with big boobs.

Men dig beauty.
Chicks dig power.
The rest is hamster nibbles.

3) Women can be quite dastardly too.

The science of sex tells us that the romantic comedies lie. Sex is an area where nice guys do finish last:

In one survey of men, Trapnell and Meston (1996) found that nice guys who were modest, agreeable, and unselfish were disadvantaged in sexual relationships. Men who were manipulative, arrogant, calculating, and sly were more sexually active and had a greater variety of sexual experiences and a greater number of sex partners. [Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy]

Women are very often attracted to bad boys like James Bond. In fact, research shows young women sometimes prefer out-and-out jerks:

In the end, young women may continue to claim that they find certain qualities in a “good guy” nice guy as highly desirable and that they want to be in a committed relationship with one man as their ultimate goal, but, at the same time, they seem content to spend “the meantime and in-between-time” going out with fun/sexy guys who may or may not turn into “jerks.”

For every Ray Rice who knocks a loving wife out, there’s a loving wife who chose to be with a Ray Rice. It takes two to tango. Someone tell that to Rod Dreher and Ross Douthat.

4) Little of the above will be changing anytime soon.

This is the science of sex, not the culture of it. Most, if not all, of these things are true around the world.

In a study of over 1000 participants in three dozen cultures it was consistently found that men are focused on looks and women on status:

Several standard sex differences replicated across cultures, including women’s greater valuation of social status and men’s greater valuation of physical attractiveness. [Personality and Individual Differences]

But we grow out of it, right? Nope.

Our tastes do not mature as we get older:

Findings suggest that although emerging adults believe that their peers’ mating desires change systematically over time, emerging adults’ self-reported mating desires vary little with age.

Unlike most other human attributes, the sexual preferences of men and women are remarkably uniform across the earth. Which makes sense. The sexual market is the one market to rule them all.

And we pretty much want the same thing throughout our lives, which must cause an amazing amount of pain for aging feminist beauties who are no longer able to cash in their prize assets for their hearts’ desire.

To recap:

Women say one thing but do another.

Male ambiguity, coyness, overconfidence and entitlement are sexy.

Men value female looks far above all other considerations.

Women value male social status above male looks.

Niceguys finish last.

Sexual desire is immutable.

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GIF Game

Withering dismissal is antagonistic and thus arousing to cantankerous women. Now that we have at our disposal forms of courtship communication that were unavailable to our forefathers, the seductive power at our fingertips, and for so little investment, is astonishing. Nonverbal GIF game might be the apotheosis of this modern condensed badinage.

A reader writes,

The perfect text response to a woman who is really trying to give you her best bitch act. Just the image, nothing else. It works.

If you’re the kind of man who overthinks how to reply to a bitchy (aka flirty) woman, then have a few of these GIFs in your arsenal to deploy when your brain starts whirring too white and nerdy. A woman who may be your future sex partner doesn’t want an exegesis on your compatibility; she wants fun. That’s just what girls want.

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Self-Acknowledgement Game

Self-Acknowledgement Game — the art of verbalizing the technique and timeline of your seduction to a woman as it’s happening — has a storied pedigree here at the Chateau. A skilled practitioner can perform miracles with Self-Acknowledgement Game, because it’s at once flirty, edgy, jerkish, charming, and all while maintaining just enough running narrative emotional distance to avoid triggering a girl’s anti-slut defense or bitch shield.

Commenter Thoroughbred writes,

In the category of taking social risks, I’ve been using an opener for awhile now that works like dynamite because it’s so straightforward: “Hi… Wanna flirt and talk about sex?” At a minimum it gets a laugh just about every time, and most of the time it gets an enthusiastic “Sure!”.

The reason “Hi. Wanna flirt and talk about sex?” is so potent an opener is not because it’s direct, but rather because, despite the apparent directness of the message, it’s obviously humorous and therefore ambiguous in intent. And you know how chicks dig that tantalizing ambiguity.

I will say, though, that self-acknowledgement game probably works best if you’ve first gotten some minimal signal from a woman to approach. Otherwise, cold approaching inattentive girls with this line will come across more like an apocalypse opener.

And I wouldn’t try it on mixed groups. SAG is better for weeknight, one-on-one situations.

Thoroughbred continues with another anecdote that is more representative of cocky, preemptive disqualification game.

Tried another one recently that was pushing the limit and I was amazed at how well it worked. I had a good buzz on with just a bit of psilocybin in my system which always brings out the caveman in me for some reason. Don’t know if I would have tried this stone cold sober, but I’ll be damned if it didn’t work.

Sitting talking to a friend at the bar and a drunk 8 sits down next to me. We’re minding our own business, she’s loud and obnoxious. I’m taking up maximum space at the bar (actually have my feet up on the bar and leaning back on the bar stool) and giving her no attention. Catch her eye and she says “You’re a typical douchebag player aren’t you?”

Me: “That’s Mr. Douchebag to you.”

Her: “That’s what I thought. You don’t even deny it.”

Me (with a smirk): “Nope… And you obviously have no manners. I know your type. Rich little daddy’s girl who always got everything she ever wanted. You need to be disciplined.”

Her (Contemptuously): “Oh really… Who’s going to discipline me? You?

Me (Leaning in and whispering in her ear): “I’m out of your league sweetheart, but if you’d really like, I’d be happy to bend you over my knee and spank that pale little ass of yours until it leaves big red hand prints.” Her mouth drops open.

I turn around and start talking to my friend again and feel a tap on my shoulder. Turn back to her and she says “Will you dance with me?”

I couldn’t believe it.

The progression of male incredulity about female sexual nature:

Stage 1: “I don’t believe it.”

Stage 2: “I couldn’t believe it!”

Stage 3: “I’m beginning to believe it.”

Stage Player: “Wasn’t it always obvious?”

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