Body Men Vs Face Men

If a man is presented with a choice between a butterface (ugly face, hot body, everything “but her face”) and a myspace angle (cute face, ugly body), his decision will depend in part on whether he’s down for a short-term fling or if he’s seeking a long-term lover.

The reason for this is not hard to figure out upon reflection: the prime directive is to survive and reproduce, and that means, for men, getting seed into womb (or wombs, as the opportunity may present). A man with pump and dumps on his mind will shift focus to girls with highly fertile bodies, placing less emphasis on their faces. His dividing rod will target women with 0.7 WHRs, 17-23 BMIs, fruitfully ripening in the age range of 22-29. Since he’s not planning on investing much time or energy in his little red curvette, he doesn’t sweat the worry of romantically gazing into the limpid eyes of a plain jane year after year.

A man who is more K-selected, i.e., more NW European white or East Asian (ain’t I a steenker!), feels a cosmic pull toward hitching himself to a woman for the long term so that his few kids have a shot to thrive in a resource-restricted environment. It’s the quality over quantity strategy. To this man, a woman’s facial prettiness matters, a lot. He’s gotta look at her and provide for her for a long time, and he won’t be much inspired to do either if her face isn’t intoxicating. The body is still important (fat chicks left out in cold again, news at 11), but now the contours of her face have become a crucial determinant of her acceptability as a mate. His dividing rod will be recalibrated toward younger women — ages late adolescence to mid-20s — with large, expressive eyes, small chins and jaws, and exquisitely molded subcutaneous fat deposits.

This is the theory. In practice, such choices rarely come up, because there is a strong correlation between a woman’s facial prettiness and her body attractiveness. When a rift between body and face does occur in the same woman, it is typically a butterface. Homely-faced women with slender boffable bodies are more common than pretty-faced women with unappealing bodies. Fat chicks stir the needle a little toward myspace anglers, but just a little, because it doesn’t take much weight gain until a girl’s face begins to display the deformity that is evident in her body. Another example of the myspace angler is the masculinized woman with a striking model-esque face tethered to a curveless body built for spiking volleyballs.

Another point worth making is that men, regardless of their mating strategies, will only choose between butterfaces and myspace anglers when they HAVE to choose. Most men, given a free choice, will choose women who are blessed with both. Plotting cads and plodding dads will both choose the woman who has it all, face and body (and yeah, personality too, I guess) if such a woman is a real prospect.

Originally, this post was meant as conjecture, based on observation and hunch. But to my surprise, there are ♥♥♥STUDIES♥♥♥ available for perusal which have looked into the issue of male preference for female body versus female face and how that preference might change depending on a man’s mating strategy. These studies, naturally, confirm CH hunches, as they almost always do, because it’s hard to be disproven by SCIENCE when you simply keep your eyes open to watch how the world works.

PS The Area Code Rating System is a handy method for efficiently categorizing your dates by their bangability and relationship worthiness. If you regularly hook up with 000s, might I suggest you lay off the absinthe?

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Have Guitar, Will Tingle

Once again, science has come around to ♥♥♥♥vindicating♥♥♥♥ folk wisdom and Chateau teachings. This installment of SCIENCE ♥s GAME explores the subtle tricks of perception that mimicking a high social status man can play on women. A recent study found that the mere act of lugging around a guitar case will significantly improve a man’s odds of getting a number close from a woman.

This experiment tested the assumption that music plays a role in sexual selection. Three hundred young women were solicited in the street for their phone number by a young male confederate who held either a guitar case or a sports bag in his hands or had no bag at all. Results showed that holding a guitar case was associated with greater compliance to the request, thus suggesting that musical practice is associated with sexual selection. [...]

What happened was that when he wasn’t holding anything he got a number 14% of the time. The sports bag, though, put women off and dropped his average to just 9%.

It was the guitar case that did the trick, bumping up his chances to 31%. Not bad at all considering he was approaching random strangers in the street.

So no matter what you look like, what job you have, how much money you make, or how stylishly you’re dressed, you can arouse more women by demonstrating higher value with an empty guitar case and signaling (falsely, if necessary) that you are a shredder of six strings and snatch.

Female hypergamy don’t give a shit for acceptable signals of male mate value. Female hypergamy don’t give a shit about societally approved male accomplishment. All female hypergamy cares about is that a man *IS* higher status — and thus more socially and psychologically dominant — than herself, regardless of the measurably objective or amorphously subjective nature of that status.

The game lesson here, beside the obvious one — carry a guitar case — should be easily comprehended: adopt the trappings and the behavior of the high status, socially and sexually preselected, dominant male and you, too, will see your romance life improve by 100%. Or better.

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The One Instance Saying Sorry To A Girl Is Helpful

When a girl snarkily accuses you, in so many words, of coming onto her. For example:

GIRL: If you think I’m going home with you…

YOU: Nope, wasn’t thinking it. Sorry to disappoint you.

AAS. A, Always. A, Assume. S, the Sale. Always assume the sale.

Chicks dig guys who are (over)confident of their product.

There is one exception to the above rule: An accusatory girl who is showing by her lip-licking, hair-twirling and heel-dangling that she actually would like you to come onto her. You may then accept her accusation not as a shit test, but as an invitation to increase the voltage.

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How To Treat A Beautiful Woman Like A Plain Woman

This post could just as relevantly be titled “When Beta Males Miraculously Get It Right.”

Before we get to the “how”, we should answer the “why” of treating a beautiful woman like a plain woman. Recall Poon Commandment X:

X. Ignore her beauty

The man who trains his mind to subdue the reward centers of his brain when reflecting upon a beautiful female face will magically transform his interactions with women. His apprehension and self-consciousness will melt away, paving the path for more honest and self-possessed interactions with the objects of his desire. This is one reason why the greatest lotharios drown in more love than they can handle — through positive experiences with so many beautiful women they lose their awe of beauty and, in turn, their powerlessness under its spell. It will help you acquire the right frame of mind to stop using the words hot, cute, gorgeous, or beautiful to describe girls who turn you on. Instead, say to yourself “she’s interesting” or “she might be worth getting to know”. Never compliment a girl on her looks, especially not a girl you aren’t fucking. Turn off that part of your brain that wants to put them on pedestals. Further advanced training to reach this state of unawed Zen transcendence is to sleep with many MANY attractive women (try to avoid sleeping with a lot of ugly women if you don’t want to regress). Soon, a Jedi lover you will be.

Beautiful women LOVE LOVE LOVE to be treated by men as if they are plain-looking women. Beautiful women love this treatment because it serves as evidence that the man who treats them this way is an alpha male who has such an easy time getting laid with other beautiful women that he doesn’t feel any need to impress them. He can “just be himself”.

A beautiful woman writes off a man seeking her approval almost as quickly as a man writes off an ugly woman flirting with him.

Now that you know the “why”, here’s the “how”:

As stated above, never compliment beautiful women on their looks, and never think of them in terms of their looks. But these are small tricks of brain, fore and hind, that pale in comparison to the effectiveness of treating beautiful women PLAYFULLY, like they’re bratty little girls with cooties.

Next time you’re out, try to find some beta males with their homely girlfriends. You won’t have to search for long. Observe them in the wild for a bit, and you’ll notice something. More than a handful of those beta males act charmingly ALPHA with their plain janes. For some mysterious, magical reason, these betas are able to relax like an alpha boss, and tease their bland girlfriends until the girls are giggling and smiling.

These betas, in other words, are contextually alpha. Does that mean they’re alpha males? No. For that, they’d need to be as carefree and reckless and cocky with cute girls as they are with their homely halves. As it stands, the betas are merely accidental alphas.

But this is where you can learn something from a cool beans beta. Watch how he acts with the fugs, and act that way with the babes. It’s a naturally aloof attitude coupled with playful behavior. The aloof attitude has been discussed at CH many times, so here we’ll focus on those playful tactics that win girls over, (and incidentally raise your sexual market value vis-á-vis hers, nourishing her vagina to full bloom).

Playfulness Tactics

- the “stop hitting yourself” game
- surprise kicking her in the butt as you walk side by side
- making over-the-top phony facial expressions indicating rapt attention or wide-eyed curiosity
- cutting in front of her in lines
- jumping in a puddle to get her wet
- asking if she’d like another ten ice cream bars
- composing a ridiculously inane poem for her, and delivering it with stentorian gravitas
- putting her hand on your arm, and then accusing her of raping you
- grabbing her purse and hanging it from a branch high in a tree
- going in for the kiss with BBQ sauce all over your face
- taking it the extra step and smearing her face
- the “say everything she says” game (gets annoying delightfully fast)
- making fun of her insatiable horniness (this is projecting women’s own teasing preferences back onto them)
- the “stay on your side” game
- putting something in her hair (try to do it without her noticing until later)
- “there’s something on your shirt” ruse
- indian burns
- making a loud noise every time she tries to say something (“what? speak up I can’t hear you!”)
- mishearing everything she says (“you want me to dump on a whore?”, “NO I WANT YOU TO RUN TO THE STORE!”)
- unctuous flattery (“that’s brilliant! you’re a genius. I am SO awestruck and humbled right now. wow just wow.”)
- pretending to be impressed by her (“I just can’t believe… you… me… here like this… I think I’m going to faint, can I have your autograph? I think I just soiled myself. HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL this is the greatest day of my life!!!”)
- pretending to push her into traffic, the ocean, a pool, a port-a-johnny
- the escalating “what?” game
- staring contests
- staring contests with funny faces
- a game of tag (if she doesn’t immediately run after you, act as if she’s going to tag you at an opportune moment and dart out of the way every time she gets near)

If you find this hard to do with hot girls, that’s because you’re imbuing their beauty with too much importance. You think a hot girl is more likely than a plain girl to dismiss your childish antics, and this thinking causes you to walk on eggshells when in their company. But the opposite is true. Hot girls love to be teased and taunted and patronized. They love it because they rarely get it.

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Nauseating Beta Male ODA

Sitting near me, facing away, was a frumpily dressed woman. To her side stood her boyfriend (or husband, couldn’t see the hands for ring verification), who was carrying two backpacks in one arm and had his other arm resting on his woman’s shoulders. He leaned over and kissed the top of her head.

A minute later, he did it again. Less than a minute after that, his lips once again anointed the top of her head. Then the head pecks came like a rain, one drop kiss after another.  peck… peck… peck  A wave of nausea overcame me as his peckings reached a crescendo and he began to resemble a chicken plucking seeds from her hair. Finally, I couldna take it no more, and had to evacuate the scene of herbage.

Why do some men do this? Is it for the benefit of their girlfriends? She seemed to be tolerating him well enough, but such egregiously obsequious displays of affection (ODA) have got to be a turn-off for women. In public, it’s worse; a woman can better endure her betaboy’s chimp-like grooming rituals in the privacy of home, where she does not experience the double revulsion that would be the case in public where it’s easy to suspect he’s slobbering all over her to advertise to the world how lucky he is to have her. Or to ward off better men from stealing his hard-won concubine.

If it’s meant as a warning to other men to keep their distance… believe me, dude, it won’t work on any man seriously considering a run for your “prize”. All it would take is one moment alone with your beloved and an innocent offer of a napkin to help “clean up the saliva” from the top of her head, and it’s off to the races.

There’s an alpha way and a beta way to do PDA. Firm ass, boob or crotch grabs, neck sniffs, erotic ear whisperings or hiney slaps are examples of alpha males staking their territory. Head peckings are beta. Why don’t you just pick lint off her exquisite princess robes while you’re at it?

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How To Screw With A Cheating Whore

Reader Wrecked ‘Em requests a bit of the ol’ ultrawisdom of the crowd.

Question for the crowd:

A friend (really) just discovered that his annoying but excessively hot girlfriend is cheating on him. I’ve said for a while that she has “round heels” (falls on her back easily when given attention – she’s big ego, low self-esteem). They’ve been in a 3-year relationship. She doesn’t know he knows. He has plenty of options, so a hard next is a no-brainer, but as a social experiment we’re trying to decide what the most brutal drop would be, with the constraint that it has to be almost no effort on his part. It’s come down to:

a) a call of the form:

him: don’t ever speak to me again.
her: What did I do?
him: You know what you did. *click*

b) drop all contact and let her figure out that she’s been dumped.

He has the self-control and the next-babe-on-tap options to never contact her again. Opinons, suggestions?

Vengeance is as natural as love, and sweeter still. But life is short, women are numerous, and the cock waits for no one. There will be those, like YaReally…

Simply walk away. There’s no reason to torture or punish her…she already punished herself by losing access to his cock, she just hasn’t realized it yet.

…who argue the sensible response so that time and energy are spared for more fruitful pursuits, and then there will be those, like gunslingergregi…

beat her at about half the power you would a dude

…who advocate more extreme measures of retaliation which make a mockery of sensibility.

But we here at CH prefer a response that is neither eminently sensible nor sloppily extreme. Our favored method for exacting delicious vengeance on a cheating whore is more devious in design, and therefore more likely to strike the pain illimitable into the heart of a whore’s sperm-shellacked, shaft-scarred soul.

If the only two revenge options are as presented by Wrecked ‘Em, then Option B — total radio silence — is the better choice. Option A: Calling a whore out is never as satisfying for a man as it sounds on paper (or in one’s head). The danger with the call-out option is the risk of unintentionally revealing, through either uncontrollable voice quakes or injured body language, a grievous blow to his solar plexus that will more likely arouse pity than humiliation in his intended target.

On the other hand, the problem with Option B is the absence of a wonderful front row view of the aftermath of vengeful carnage. A whore has her ego crushed; if no one hears her lament or sees her pain, did she really suffer? In truth, a woman who is cheating all the time would not very much miss the sap boyfriend she was cheating on, nor very much evaluate his direct accusations and insults with furrowed-brow concern.

No, no gentlemen of cultivated honor, the perfect gift to give an unfaithful tramp is scorched ego, salted id psychological destruction that will have her reaching for the blade and slicing lengthwise.

The CH-approved Sweet Vengeance Program involves four main components, broadly arranged under the following categories:

1. preselection jealousy
2. well poisoning
3. skank PR
4. the truly perverse

Step 1, preselection jealousy.

There’s one thing that drives every woman crazy, even the most cold-hearted whore, and that’s the thought that her man is having a dalliance with another woman. The man with options is the man loved by women. Inciting jealousy will awaken long-lost feelings of vulnerability and submission in a cheater because she will not be able to resist the primal pull of your preselection.

There are many ways to provoke preselection jealously. Flirt with other women in front of her. Get “caught” on a date with another girl. As per the advice by commenter Thwack, get a female friend to “accidentally” call her number asking for you. Instruct her to hang up as soon as she is questioned by the whore about her relation to you.

Another way to provoke jealousy is by placing “badboy discoverables” around the house. She doesn’t know that you (and by “you” I’m referring to your friend) know about her cheating. Therefore, presumably, sex is still on the table. Makes sure it stays that way for the time being until your plan is fully under way. Bras, panties and earrings from “other women”, strategically located under pillows or on bedside tables so that they are easily found during the act of intimacy, will provide the most exhilarating comic relief as the whore is forced to simultaneously reconcile her orgasmic pleasure with her red-hot rage at your betrayal. Make sure to keep knives well out of reach.

Step 2, well poisoning.

Drive a wedge between her and her whore enabling girl friends and the lover to whom she’s about to monkey swing. Fire up the rumor mill. Are you on speaking terms with any of her friends? Then tell them that you and your whore have been experiencing a rough go of it lately, but you’re trying to make it work out (you want to be a sympathetic character in this play), and part of that is being totally honest with everyone you and her know. Inform them that you were sadly made aware that your whore had a fling, or a make-out in a bar, with X friend’s boyfriend or Y friend’s husband, and that she really didn’t mean anything by it, she was just lashing out at you. Tell them not to take it personally and that they should continue being friends with her because she needs the support. If subterfuge is the order of the day, perhaps hint, ever so innocently, that you didn’t know your girlfriend and X’s boyfriend were such good friends and were hanging out at lounge Y after work. Pretend to be relieved that you can trust your girlfriend so completely.

If you can get a hold of her lover, tell him you know about their tryst, and that it’s totally cool because you have an open relationship with her. You and her have a “friends with benefits” arrangement and you’re fine with her seeing him. No man, not even the most inveterate cad, likes to know he is fucking the town orifice.

Step 3, skank PR.

The killing blow. Collect any sex photos you have of the whore. If you don’t have any, set up a hidden video camera in your room and film your next love session with her. You need to get some photos of her with a cock dangling between her crossed eyes; preferably your cock, but any will do in a pinch. Bonus points if you can scrounge up a pic of a black cock in her face. Send the pic to her parents with a note saying “You raised your daughter well.” Send anonymous pics to her friends, asking if they knew she was always this much fun. If you know the dude she is cheating with, send the sex pic to him, anonymously, with a note attached that says “Glad you’re comfortable sharing.”

If you are a computer hacker, or you know the whore’s social media passwords, get online and send out a few tweets or FB updates posing as her informing the world of the good time “you” had on your dates with men X, Y and/or Z. Better still, send the tweets to whichever guy she happens to be boffing, and include her girl friends or family members in the recipients.

Step 4, the truly perverse.

How sick of mind are you? A lot? You might then prefer to venture into Step 4, where monsters roam. Acquire personal details –names, numbers, etc — of the relevant parties. Have a female accomplice pose as a nurse calling from a clinic to inform your whore that a man named X (the dude she is cheating with) came in to be tested and was diagnosed with syphilis, gonorrhea or, if you really want to run with this, the HIVvy. He mentioned her name and the clinic, in its duty as a responsible medical provider, would like her to come in and be tested for any potential STDs he may have passed onto her. Your accomplice must be a good actress to pull this off. You may have to grease her palm a bit to inspire her thespian dreams. Be present for the phone call and watch as your loving cheating girlfriend’s face grows pale; savor the moment before asking, in your most sympathetic voice, if anything is the matter. Enjoy the spectacle of whatever explanation she scrambles to piece together to give you.

You can do one, two, three or all four of the above recommended tactics against a sinning cheater. You will be richly rewarded with the kind of inner peace and happy fulfillment that only revenge, served cold and shivved deep, can provide.

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Top Ten Signs Your Relationship Is Healthy

1. You admire and flirt with other women, but don’t plot to bed them.

If you as a healthy man aren’t admiring attractive women other than your girlfriend, you are depressed and your relationship will suffer. If you are actively figuring out ways to cheat, your monogamous relationship is unsatisfying.

2. She has photos of you and her together in her work cubicle.

It’s so natural for a woman to advertise her relationship status with a committed boyfriend that a conspicuous lack of photos of her boyfriend is strong circumstantial evidence she wishes to hide him from public knowledge and signal to other men that she is available for sexcapades. A man who doesn’t display relationship photos doesn’t necessarily signal dissatisfaction with his girlfriend, because men on average feel less compulsion than do women to engage in such ritual displays.

3. When you go away on a trip by yourself, she worries about your faithfulness.

If instead of her worrying about you, you worry about what she’ll do with her brief spell of freedom, your relationship is unhealthy.

4. The sex is rarely planned.

If you ever catch yourself or your girlfriend saying, “Let’s make tonight a special night”, you have been served notice that your relationship is heading for sickly grounds.

5. She still cares if you remember birthdays and anniversaries.

Aloofness is sexy on a man. Aloofness is the kiss of relationship death on a woman. A woman who has stopped caring for signs of emotional commitment is a woman mentally checked out and fantasizing about a new relationship.

6. Blowjobs are frequently a prelude to coitus.

You can directly track relationship health by the decline in frequency of blowjobs. Each unit decrease in peak monthly blowjob allotment corresponds to a one month decrease in relationship length (unless obviated by threat of divorce theft).

7. You haven’t spent inordinate time waxing nostalgic about shared memories.

Healthy relationships are like a locomotive: powerful, unstoppable, graceful in their precise engineering, motoring to lands unknown. Nostalgia for past romantic achievements is a tacit admission of present romantic stagnation. Save the nostalgia for old age when there’s no threat of upgrade to a more exciting partner.

8. She’s lost her enthusiasm for girls’ nights out.

A woman deeply in love feels less urge to hang out with her single girl friends. She now finds them dispiriting and a bit pathetic. In contrast, a woman dissatisfied with her relationship can’t wait to join the yentas for mimosas. Men, too, enjoy time with their buddies, but use it more as a pressure valve to blow off steam that accumulates in the natural course of monogamous obligation.

9. She’s stopped kissing her cat on the mouth (and other similar pet-loving gestures taken to the clownish extreme) and now treats her pets as they really are — animals, not furry humans.

You might think this is a frivolous signal of relationship health, but intemperate female anthropomorphic intimacy is pregnant with suppressed emotional turmoil.

10. She wants your unsheathed penis inside her.

A woman who prefers you raw dog is a woman who is unafraid to take risks with you. She trusts you, loves you, and wants you to receive as much as, or even more pleasure than, she receives.

***

Generally speaking, once a woman is in a relationship she will grant you a margin of beta male error, which means you can be more beta with a girlfriend or wife than you can be with a girl you have just started dating. The width of this margin of beta male error varies commensurate to the intensity of preexisting love she feels for you, and any cultural and genetic factors related to her local surrounding sexual marketplace and her ethnic or racial background, (e.g.: women from more chaotic non-Western countries better appreciate the stability and security that doting beta males offer).

But this is a warning, not an excuse for men in relationships to rest on their beta laurels, for all women, even the loving Slavs, have their breaking points for male weakness and clinginess, beyond which their tolerance drops precipitously. If you sincerely love your girlfriend or wife and you find your relationship beginning to sour, the answer is not, typically, more beta male reassurance game, but more exciting sexy alpha game. The broad contours of women’s desire are universal, even if the details on close examination differ; nearly every woman in the world (except weird biological experiments gone horribly wrong) is a sexually and romantically dichotomous creature, drawn both to the strong, supportive provider and the dominant, aloof challenge.

Your mission in life as a man seeking to maximize his happiness is to appeal to these dueling instincts in women, embrace the entanglement for all its life-affirming exhilaration, and relish the blessings of womanly love. The rest is commentary.

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The Wrong Way To Get Out Of The Friendzone

For those men who think they can talk their way out of the friendzone and into the poosy zone, here’s a cautionary reminder from a reader who let it all hang out with a girl who had only known him as a lovable, asexual emotional whore:

I attempted to get out the friendzone and admitted my feelings to my friend. She has been busy addressing personal issues i.e. things “not going her way” or “bad stuff happening all at once.” She has reminded on two occasions via text that she wants to talk and “has not forgotten about me.” In the back of my head I have accepted I will most likely be rejected. To add insult to injury, I know, through mutual friends, she has been entertaining out of town girlfriends and attended a couple of social gatherings (i.e. dinner and a pool party).

When she does decide to talk how do I react? Do I “punish” her for ignoring me? If so, how do I play that card? Or is there an alternative?

Getting out of the friendzone is no easy task, especially if you have never been anything to the girl but a friend with advanced commiseration ability. Many men can tolerate only so much denial of their sexual needs by oblivious girls using them for emotional bonding before the breaking point is reached whereupon the man foolishly decides bracing candor is an effective course of action to turn that girl buddy into a passionate lover.

It never is. Admitting your feelings to a girl buddy is an extinction level fail that will harden her disgust at the thought of you as a sexual partner. If you have a hard time fathoming the fail here, imagine a morbidly obese woman who has been a friend of yours for years suddenly shoving her bratwurst tongue down your throat in a moment of unrestrained lust.

Failure #2: Not recognizing female hamster rationalizations as evidence of discomfort with your desire. When a girl says “Bad stuff is happening all at once”, or “I need some time to myself”, what she is really saying is “Bad stuff with you is happening all at once” and “I need some time with a sexy alpha male.” She’s pushing away from you, my friend. You aren’t just failing to make her attracted to you, you’re actually making things worse.

Failure #3: Thinking you can still win her over. When you have gone too far down the path of sackless betatude, almost anything you do will enhance her status and diminish yours. You care too much, and she knows that. A man who cares is a man who is denied love. Your efforts, such as they are, will only be perceived by her as confirmation of your poor mate quality.

The way to play this game is to act like you aren’t playing at all. First, get it out of your head that she nurses a lingering attraction for you. She despises you. Nothing but pity and contempt for you lingers in her head. She will not ever “see the light and come around”. Second, don’t make the mistake of thinking a calculated reversal of your emotional availability is the antidote to her lack of attraction. You cannot shift your behavior on a dime and expect there to be no blowback. If you become cold and distant, she will simply assume you are butthurt by her rejection of you.

“When she does decide to talk how do I react?”

Bad frame. She isn’t going to decide to talk to you, and your job in life isn’t to react to whatever awesome nonsense spills from her lips. How about this better frame: “If I decide to talk to her it will be because I’m bored.”

“Do I “punish” her for ignoring me?”

She is nothing of importance to you. Why would you punish a nothing for acting like a nothing? If she contacts you, treat her like you would any insignificant entity in your life: neutrally, until she proves otherwise by behaving either pleasantly or condescendingly.

“If so, how do I play that card?”

Let’s say she calls or texts you, “Hey, what’s up! I told you I haven’t forgotten about you, my bestest guy friend in the whole world!” Are you supposed to grovel to this? Show gratitude for bestowing you with her attention? Punish her for ignoring you? Get hysterical with loving pleas for deeper intimacy? Go ahead, do any of that. And then hear how quickly the conversation goes south. No, the way to play this card is with AMUSED MASTERY. What a funny bird to be talking like this to you, as if you’ve been breathlessly anticipating her call for weeks! She is so weird. And a little stalkerish. You are amused by women’s hyperbolic drama when you know what uneventful lives they really lead. You reply, “Wow, you’re weird. Thinking about me the whole time?”

“Or is there an alternative?”

You are the friend, and she is in your friendzone. You are the alpha male, and she is a contestant for a slot in your harem. You are the doer, the creator, the lover, and she is the appreciator of your masculine vitality, the very vitality that women everywhere secretly envy and wish for themselves. That means, she exists to entertain you. She will enjoy your time when you have time to spare. She is your toy, not the other way around.

Remember this. Now you have inner game. You have the attitude. The attitude will infuse your arteries like rivulets of mutant DNA, transforming you from needy beta to alluring alpha. She’s a strange duck, so full of herself, but you’ll play along. You like to have fun. So you tease her. And you taunt her. And you dismiss her when she tries to angle you as the eunuch lump she used to dump all her gripes on. “So let me tell you about this guy who…” Sssshhhh… be quiet, socially awkward attention whore penguin. Did you know you have funny looking feet? What’s that? Still blabbering about this other guy? Thanks for the medical update on the condition of your vagina. So hot, so attractive. No wonder you’re still single.

Do you see, reader? Have you been darkly enlightened? Then go forth, and recreate. And return here when you have something uplifting to tell us all.

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The Settling Order Of Men With Limited Options

How do men with constrained options choose which women deserve their commitment and emotional and resource treasure? There’s a hierarchy to the order of settling for Men Without Options (M-WOs) and Men With Limited Options (M-LOs), but before we get to that, we need to clarify our premises so that we can better understand the settling hierarchy. A man with limitless sexual market options — aka a man who has his pick of the kitty litter aka a super alpha — wants and desires the same thing that a man with no options wants and desires; specifically, a young woman with a pretty face, a slender hourglass-shaped body and a feminine, becoming temperament.

The only difference between the piss-stained homeless bum and the captain of industry is the ability of each to fulfill his shared desire for young, slender babes. That’s it. The desires are the same but the fulfillment of those desires varies wildly from man to man.

Any fat chick who tells you that her repulsive condition is Ok because at least fat men will always be there for her misunderstands the nature of the sexual market. Fat men without compensating male attractiveness traits will only be there for her because they have no other choice; expand (heh) the fat man’s options through, say, wealth or game or wit or social status cues, and his reluctance to settle for fat chicks rises in proportion to his increasing options among thinner, sexier women.

Thus, the hierarchy of settling that describes men with options is not very interesting. It would be a short ranking that starts and ends at “young, hot, tight, sweet”. At the very top of the alpha male heap, there is no settling at all. A few super alphas have practically unlimited choice in women, and their cornucuntia could not be exhausted given one hundred lifetimes of skirt-chasing.

At the bottom end of the male SMV scale, the omega males and dick dregs lurk. Their settling order, too, would be a short ranking: it would begin and end at “take whatever female filth will have me”. A few are lucky to have internet connections and porn outlets, in which case the living flesh vaginas of obese monstrosities, toothless methheads and prognathic missing links can’t compete with remote digital simulacra and chafed fap hands.

As with the super alphas, the hierarchy of settling that describes men with no options is also not very interesting.

But what about the rest of menkind? How do the remaining 80% of men — men who are bound by involuntary restrictions lenient and punitive on their dating choices — decide how far down the female attractiveness ladder they’re willing to descend? What is the settling order of the masses of beta males who aren’t particularly attractive nor unattractive to women, but who struggle to acquire the kind of stimulating pussy they really want?

Legend

Hot = pretty face (objectively measurable, highly correlated with youth, 8-10 on looks scale)
Pretty = minor flaws (6-7 on looks scale)
Plain = medium flaws (4-5 on looks scale)
Ugly = major flaws (2-3 on looks scale)
Fugly = extinction level flaws (0-1 on looks scale)
Slender = hourglass figure, 17-22 BMI, 0.65-0.75 waist-hip ratio
Bangable = 23-24 BMI, 0.65-0.75 WHR
Chubby = 25-26 BMI, 0.75-0.80 BMI
Fat = 27-28 BMI, 0.75-0.80 WHR
Shaneequa = Same as Fat, except more hourglass, fat sits in rump, hips and pendulous tits
Sausage = Same as Fat, except more cylindrical, 0.80+ WHR
Formless Blob = 29+ BMI, WHR irrelevant at such sizes
Young = 15-25 (18-25 under existing legal constraints)
Less young = 26-30
Not So Young = 30-35
Older = 36-40
Old = 41-50
Expired = 50+ (invisible to men with options, last resort for men without options)
Sweet = feminine disposition (empathetic, nurturing, kind, generous, employed in female-oriented profession)
Sassy = femininity salted with sarcasm and insecurity
Dull = lacking in any discernible personality
Self-Centered = attention whore
Caustic = Angry, humorless, bitter, nasty
Man-Like = Aggressive, ambitious, cutting humor, selfish, slutty, employed in male-oriented field
N/A = Not applicable

Settling Order Of Men With Limited Options

1. Hot/Slender/Young/Sweet

Most of these girls are scooped up by alpha males. For a night, at least.

2. Hot/Bangable/Young/Sassy

Hotness and youth still exert the most influence on a man’s requirements in a lover, but the tier of men (lesser alpha) who must make some small concessions to snag a hot, young lover will generally accept in their women a few extra pounds and a little more annoying sassiness.

3. Pretty/Slender/Young/Sweet

Facial hotness is so crucial to a woman’s dating success that when men have to sacrifice a little bit of facial beauty in their lovers, they tend to tighten up their standards for the other three attractive female traits. Here we find the greater betas who are dating young 6s and 7s with very nice bodies and wonderful personalities.

4. Pretty/Bangable/Young/Sassy

Again, greater beta males and some lesser alphas populate this settling group. You’ll notice that the requirement for youth hasn’t yet budged a day past 25 years old. Men will choose youth and beauty before perfect bodily dimensions and heavenly femininity, particularly when LTRs are under consideration. (This post is primarily focused on LTRs, which is the romantic arrangement to which “settling” usually refers.)

5. Pretty/Bangable/Less Young/Sassy or Dull

Now we enter the realm of real sacrifice. Here you’ll find your established “good catch” beta males who must make painful concessions to achieve love with a pretty girl with a decent body. The first major concessions are usually age and personality — most men are willing to put up with annoying personality quirks and an upward age adjustment to enjoy the scenery of a pretty face and curvaceous, taut physique.

6. Pretty/Chubby/Less Young/Man-Like

What, chubby girls can be pretty?!? No. Most girls with naturally pretty faces who are twenty or more pounds overweight will have concealed whatever prettiness was there under a layer of blubber . The common refrain from desperate mothers trying to marry off their slacker sons — “but she has a such a pretty face” — is often a dead giveaway that the girl in question is a fatso. That said, there are very exceptional girls who can manage twenty extra pounds and keep a pretty face suitable for excellent blowjobs because the fat accumulates in places hidden by clothes. The slightly better than average beta male with something going on for himself will be forced into this settling category. He’ll take the extra pounds (can’t really be helped in modern America what with 70% of women obese or overweight), less sprightly upper range of youthfulness, and less sparkling personalities for a shot at a girl with a face that can inspire unbidden boners.

7. Plain/Chubby/Not So Young/Self-Centered

Welcome to beta male hell. Dear Average American Man, this is your life.

8. Ugly/Bangable/Not So Young or Older/Caustic

Here are your butterfaces. Broken beta divorcees sink to this level of settling. Very horny and indiscriminate alpha males (see: roids, teenage boys) will occasionally slum it with these ladies, but never consider them for LTRs.

9. Plain/Shaneequa/Not So Young/Caustic

See #7. Substitute black beta male for white beta male.

10. Ugly/Fat/Not So Young/Sweet

A man who has to settle for a fat chick is a lesser beta male, or an extremely depressed and unconfident beta male. He will try to get a fat chick who at least treats him like a king.

11. Ugly/Sausage/Older/Dull

Say goodbye to even a semblance of a human female shape.

12. Fugly/Formless Blob/Young or Less Young/Sweet

Some men must have youthful lovers, no matter what, because there is at least a chance their seed will find fertile ground, even if the ground is a patchwork of tar pits, quicksand, bulging calderas and deep sea trenches. Here you will find those skeezy losers who prey on impressionable young fatties with willing mouths.

13. Ugly/Fat/Old/N/A (sweetness is not possible for these women)

This is the omega male wheelhouse. The walking deadmen in this group would welcome a crossbow bolt to the head.

14. Fugly/Formless Blob/Expired/Man-Like

Why are you bothering? A furries outfit with a spooge valve would feel, and look, better.

***

So there you have it. The fourteen-step settling order, from A to O.

Executive summary: Men will yield on feminine personality and a few extra pounds to get youthful and beautiful lovers, but the acceptable threshold for extra weight is met far more quickly than is the acceptable threshold for an unfeminine personality. A hot, young woman with a lawyerly in-your-face personality and with ten extra pounds distributed in a pleasing manner on her ass, thighs and tits is still more desirable than an older pretty woman with a perfect body and perfect disposition. But once the hot young babe starts to accumulate more than ten extra pounds, the older woman begins to look better and better as an LTR alternative.

Of course, past a certain age, weight, ugliness, or mannish disposition the choices become so dispiriting that men are hardly able to summon the motivation to lift a finger and pick out one grotesquerie from another.

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How To Keep A Stripper Enamored Of You

A reader asks,

Hey there, thanks for your wisdom, was a self deluded beta, and since I took the red pill been trying and getting to fake an alphatude. Just gamed 2 strippers, slept with both, one got jelous, but now I am sleeping with a very hot stripper, I think Im doing ok, but how do I treat her to keep me on her head and ruin her for other guys? Im still dating other women, but I want to keep this one, she is a very high 8 maybe a 9.

so in other words how can I keep laying this girl for a long time?

Treat her like absolute garbage. Serious, yo. I’ve yet to meet or hear of a stripper who did not keep coming back to a certified asshole for more of his special lessons in love. Personally, I have treated strippers I was fucking with more disdain and cruelty than any other woman… and they were hooked.

Consider strippers to represent the far right tail of a bell curve of women distributed by the strength of their desire for assholes, jerks and douchebags. At the far left, you have your good Christian girls with low sex drives, low impulsivity, and an inordinate fear of dying alone, childless. These women will occasionally tingle when they watch Edward get all broody in a Twilight movie, but in real life they will stick with their plush beta providers and relieve their itch for edgier guys in pulp romance novels aka female porn.

In the middle, you have most women. They like their moments of tender intimacy punctuated with Discovery Channel sex, have dated a number of badboys, have rejected a number of niceguys, like to be lied to, have had their hearts broken by men they still love, pine for that musician who always showed up late to dates and once “forgot” to invite her to his after show party, have had multiple roaring orgasms with men who told them to shut the fuck up, once caught a lover they thought “was the one” in flagrante delicto, and sort of like it when a guy doesn’t answer their texts right away, but at the end of the day (and near the end of their prime fertility years) they will settle down with a caring, dependable beta provider who remembers birthdays and anniversaries and then pop out a couple of kids with him. 1% of the kids will not be the beta’s.

At the right side of the asshole-loving curve, you find your girls who get off on being psychologically tormented by aloof men who are always one foot in, one foot out in any relationship. These are the girls who actually *seek out* the idiosyncratic charms of assholes and deadbeats and cheaters, and who, in fact, will quickly get bored with men who aren’t sufficiently dismissive of them. Niceguys have no chance with these girls. Many of these women — 20-30% of the total eligible female population — have daddy issues or a history of dating assholes or a penchant for wildly swinging from one alpha male to the next, but there are plenty of exceptions. For instance, I once had a fling with a stripper who lived with her married parents in apparent familial harmony. They often made her lunches to take to “work”, (although I doubted she told them what line of work she was in).

The further right on the curve you go, the more abuse the women crave, culminating in those women who secretly get off being hit by their lovers, and always race back to them for post-beatdown sex. In this dreadfully toxic pool swim your Rihannas and that chick who married the killer of her twin sister.

And waaaaay out there on the right tail is that stripper you, dear reader, are trying to keep around for the long haul.

Good luck!

But I can see why you have asked for help. Chewy, Pillsbury herblings with frump wives comfortably wrapped in the security blankets of boring marriages will balk, but the hottest babes are disproportionately found at the right tail of the asshole-loving curve. This is why learning the Way of the Jerk is a life path most men who have been shown the light strive to follow.

If you were to superimpose the female asshole-loving curve on the male crazy chick-loving curve, you would find that the female curve sits well to the right of the male curve. Or, men are less interested in dating the analogue of the asshole that women love. What men *are* interested in dating are hot chicks, and, regrettably, many of those hot chicks are just the kinds of women who swoon for JERKBOY CHARISMA.

Back to your quandary.

First, you are doing things right by your stripper girl. Dating two strippers at once is just the sort of drama they need to keep feeling that lovin’ feeling. It’s practically an asshole badge stitched to your jacket that says “Vaginas may now open for business”.

Second, forget about keeping this girl for the long haul. The moment you act like you’re trying to keep her around, she will lose interest and fly the coop. If you keep her on tenterhooks, in a constant state of dread, and only very VERY rarely hit her up with some beta reassurance game (“Here ya go, babe, you’ve had a tough week, so I got you this cheese stick”), you have a shot to enjoy her ripe but strangely discolored fruit for a couple of years that thousands of other men have seen. Or until she ODs.

Third, beware any stinky beta bait she will toss at you. Strippers have exquisitely fine-tuned senses for the slightest whiff of betatude. If you cave, even a little, she’s gone. Strippers will do things like ask you to light a cig for them, and if you comply, she’s eyeing up the dude across the room. They will try to dump their problems on you (and strippers have a lot of problems), but all it will take is one minute of indulging her whining and she’ll have an excuse to bail on your next night together faster than you can say “Shit, I shoulda told her to shut the fuck up instead”.

Fourth, supply her. Got blow? Then you got stripper blowing you for as long as your supply is steady.

Fifth, mark your calendar. If you can keep a stripper in your orbit for a year, it’s time to update your strategy. Strippers rarely last in relationships longer than a couple of years. Most stripper “relationships” are kaput after a few months. They also date mostly beady-eyed, beetle-browed assholes or the manager of their club. Because of this, many strippers subconsciously desire, after enough time getting burned by sexy thugs, a bit of the old beta provider comfort food. If you have strung her along for a year, consider doing something nice for her. Now don’t go crazy! A simple favor to drive her home from work, or a small purchase such as a T-shirt which displays the terraced outline of her fake tits, or perhaps a home-cooked meal of mac and cheese, are all it takes to warm the shriveled, dark heart pumping life to her glorious orifice.

Sixth, be Ok with her line of work. Don’t try to “rescue” strippers. It never works. They don’t want to be rescued. If you try, she will misconstrue that as a desire for a deeper, more loving, more committed relationship, and she will run. So if the thought of greasy men ogling your lover’s vagina hole gives you the willies, I suggest you go to book clubs to meet girls.

I hope this helps. Ideally, you would bang the shit out of a parade of hot strippers until they have hit the wall (age 25), leaving them used up husks of former human females, and then settle down in domestic bliss with a good girl who never had a monster bug STD or popped her tittie out for a random dude to admire. Then you have a solid, tight, swole marriage to a loyal wife PLUS great stories to tell your sons and grandsons. That’s the plan, anyhow.

You’ll notice that the graph only includes girls aged 18 to 30. There’s a reason for this. Most women older than 30 have lost their taste for assholes. They still tingle for them, but they don’t go batshit insane for their attentions, and they start to feel a strong need for betaboys and their gentle, cotton swab comfortableness. Part of this change in attitude is introspection brought on by the approaching wall; a single woman of maturity doesn’t have time to waste on assholes who are likely to love her and leave her. Partly it’s brought on by her own cratering SMV; assholes have more options in the sexual market and they typically cash in for younger, hotter, tighter lovers. You might say that an older woman’s assertions that she no longer cares for jerks is akin to a sour grape fruit salad rapidly spoiling.

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