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A reader suffered a grievous insult to his dignity when a man caressed his face and recommended masturbation as an alternative to competing in the sexual market.

So here’s my situation … There’s this girl that I like.

The prologue of every beta male lament ever.

I’ve liked her for over 3 years, and made out with her when her and her ex (now current boyfriend) broke up. This guy left her and started seeing her sister for 5 months, yeah he’s that big of a douche bag, and he’s not even that good looking!! See attached pic. (That’s his profile pic on Facebook..)

Verified.

I’ve tried to AMOG this guy using the information on your site, I’ve tried in school and I’ve tried at clubs. He’s literally patted my cheek and told me to “go jerk off” right in front of her!

Physical contact with the face is a thermobaric dominance move. He may as well have been taking you from behind to the roars of the approving crowd. This dude is a Nimitz class AMOG.

And she doesn’t say anything!

Of course she doesn’t. Her tongue is trapped in a cognitive dissonance dimension where her estrogenic tingles for the douchebag and her oxytocinic pity for your debasement drive her to catatonia.

She just says sorry then asks him to be nicer to her friends, which he shrugs off!

He shrugs it off because he knows her words mean nothing when her vagina is saying something else.

This guys an asshole and doesn’t deserve her at all!

The epilogue of every beta male lament ever.

I’ve tried talking with her secretly and telling her he’s an ass and that she deserves some one better, even if it isn’t me!

Are you pulling our legs?

He didn’t get her a birthday or a Christmas present, and on their anniversary he tried to convince her to have a threesome with her sister!

Didn’t even bother with the bag of Skittles. Alpha.

She stormed off, to my house ;) unfortunately couldn’t get any, she was too rattelted up, and he went off to her house, where her sister was! This guys not an alpha, he’s an ass hole!

For all practical purposes, one and the same.

I hired a professional “PUA” in [Canadian city] to help me out we went to the club they were at and [XXXX] (the mPUA) approached her at the bar and within a minute one of [XXXX]‘s (the douche bag) friends was all over [the mPUA] telling him to “fuck off – she’s taken”. [The mPUA] tried to AMOG his friend by tapping his shoulder and trying to continue conversation and he got punched in the face! I’ve never seen this animalistic behavior before between grown men! How do I AMOG this guy!?

Now that I’ve read through the entire email, I’m 99% certain it’s a variety of troll known as the exaggeratum ad absurdum troll, the intent of the troll being to discredit game blogs by trapping them in long-winded debates about the merits of this or that tactic for dealing with a fabricated crisis.

It’s a good bet none of this stuff ever happened. So why publish it? Because it’s funny. More importantly, because far out on the asshole curve there really do exist men like the guy in this reader’s fantasy story, who will tool you horribly in front of a girl, say by patting your face and telling you to fuck off. You won’t meet these kinds of guys often (if ever), but it doesn’t hurt to be prepared should you have the misfortune of crossing paths with one of them. It therefore behooves the reading audience to use such troll attempts as a springboard into wider discussion about how to handle AMOG antagonists who love to humiliate lesser men in public.

Let’s get the crux of the matter out of the way. If a man malevolently touches your face, that’s grounds to sock him. No question about it. A demeaning face pat is the G-rated equivalent of a cock slap against your cheek. You reply with a hammer blow to his gut or nose. This goes whether a girl is present or not.

If, by some chance, the fighting force is too weak in you to muster it at the moment it’s most justified, then you can try the “agree & amplify” technique for disarming brazen AMOGs. A dude pats your cheek, you look at the girls, then back at him, and say, “Was that like a signal for gay sex? Because I have to tell you, I don’t roll that way.” Or, “You can’t stop thinking about my cock, can you? Don’t worry, I won’t judge. My cock is unforgettable.”

If you really want to fuck with the AMOG, ask him within earshot of everyone what it’s like to date sisters, at the same time. Then direct some of your artillery at the girls themselves, to implicate them in the AMOG’s assholery. Tell the girls you’re really impressed with their willingness to share a man, that it’s very 21st century and open-minded. If you think this is a step too far, recall that the AMOG (allegedly) punched a PUA in the face. (Some readers may get a thrill up their legs about that little detail, but let’s try to empathize with the beta here. He’s the one who wrote for assistance.)

In the meantime, reader/troll, go find a new social group and next the girl. She’s obviously cunt over heels for this lunkhead, so let her be with her Chris Brown. It’s a good life strategy to avoid getting entangled with girls who helplessly swoon for ragebots, if for no other reason than the increased likelihood one of her exes will come back to take what he thinks is his, and his problems become your problems.

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A reader promised to donate if his game-related question was answered. That’s one way to perk the overlord’s ears.

I’ve returned with another question.  If you answer it, I’ll donate $50 to your site.

Partly perked.

My preferred game is day game.  While day-game master Krausser seems to hit up touristy/shopping areas for his work, I live in a city with a large college campus and use that.  There are ample young hot women here, but I feel it’s a difficult to get the same-day dates/f-closes because I’m hitting on many of them between classes.

Therefore, I can accumulate tons of numbers during the day and often leave the girls with a warm feeling because of my charisma and bold charm.

Before the coolstorybro.txt crowd chimes in, remember that chicks dig overconfident men. So let’s at least give this guy points for lying with good intentions.

And while I can escalate some of these numbers to dates via text, there’s one test I’ve had difficulty surpassing: girls who demand my last name before going out.  I understand that girls are programmed to try to disqualify men, and I see this is an attempt to do so by using my full name to stalk me on the internet for disqualification material.  Unfortunately, a simple search of my name will bring up that I worked for a company that many women may view as a disqualifier.

RSD? RNC? Brothel? Center for Immigration Studies? PornTube? Animal testing lab? Men’s Rights Advocacy Group? Rockstar Games? The Church?

The tactics I’ve used previously are telling them I’ll give it to them when I see them on the date, which I’ve noticed sounds sketchy in their minds, and calling them out as being “creepy stalkers.”

It’s not so much that it sounds creepy, but that it sounds like a lame ruse to get the girl to go out on a date. Although it does sound creepy, too. But then not any creepier than it sounds to ask a man she just met for his last name.

Your feedback would be appreciated.  Posted below is a recent example of such an interaction with a girl who demonstrated interest, but I couldn’t hit because of the last name game.

Her: “What’s your last name?”

Me: “Trying to stalk me”

This tactic is well and good, and can serve in a pinch, but nowadays chicks are so freaking socially awkward and guarded that implicit disqualifications don’t even cut the mustard. By socially awkward, I mean it’s just downright weird and borderline aggressive to ask a guy his last name before the sound waves from the “hello” have dissipated. She may as well ask for his college transcript while she’s at it.

A better reply would pursue that theme of her social awkwardness:

Her: “What’s your last name?”

You: “You were raised in a barn, weren’t you?”

Tingles are birthed in the defensive crouch, so you should have replies at the ready which force her to account for her weird behavior. If you’re wondering why calling a girl a stalker isn’t as effective a counter-measure as taking a dump on her social graces, know that in the state of nature men are more prone to the destructive kind of stalker behavior than are women. Therefore, hitting that “casual stalker” angle against a hard-nosed bitch won’t rattle her as much as docking her points for speaking like a low class Walmartian. You’ve got to find your foe’s thermal exhaust port if you want to leave an impression that lasts.

Her: “Just answer my question ;)”

You didn’t say if this was a text-based or a face-to-face convo? No matter, the vibe is the same: cunty. You really should take the gloves off when you’re dealing with a woman who asks direct, probing questions in an aggressive male-like manner. Women with this bad habit act like this because they’ve been burned by cad lovers and are therefore emotional basketcases and likely candidates to have cluster B personality disorder, or they have manjaws that can carve ice statues and clits that can double as laparoscopes. Luckily, most chicks aren’t like this. Was she a lawyer, by any chance?

Me: “I’ll tell you tomorrow when I see you ;)”

I get what you’re doing here, but the Assume The Sale redirect won’t work on a bitch in full bitch mode. You’re gonna have to go mano-a-womano. She doesn’t sound flirty, she sounds combative.  Being flirty in response won’t defuse an aggro combatgrrl. You need to fire a bunker buster at her hardened perimeter defense.

Her: “Sorry that’s not happening. You randomly walk up to me but won’t tell me who you are.  I don’t play that way”

Giveaway. She’s played that way; that’s why she feels a pressing need to tell some random guy she just met that she doesn’t play that way. She definitely has a past littered with the detritus of assholes who burned her good and hot. You’re just getting caught in her delayed return fire.

Me: “That’s cool.  I like human interaction.  Not looking for more internet stalkers”

You bowed out here. It was a respectable bow-out that certainly did no harm to your dignity. There was an opportunity to keep this thing going, but it would have required a bolder move. Suggestion:

You: [lie] “My name is von Robespierre. Now… say my name.”

The bitch comes off like a M1 tankskank. A load of double buckshot asshole game to her face is just the systems crash she needs.

Her: “I’m about to go out with you.  Do you even go here?”

This blurb of hers seems out of place in the context of the conversation you have posted so far. Is it a typo?

More internet stalkers?  I’m sorry but I’m a girl and I have to be careful. I like human interaction too but it’s only fair I know more about a random person. I need to know I’m not about to be stalked by some complete stranger who won’t tell me anything about himself”

She won’t flirt, she talks like a corporate mission statement, she’s got a single-minded focus on a (for now) unimportant personal detail about you, and she co-opted your stalker accusation and used it against you. Conclusion: No Fun Girl With Issues. Abort Mission.

(Alternate conclusion: You’re trolling the CH readership. In which case you get points for leading us on until the end of the post. Cocktease!)

I’m surprised you hung in this long. She must be eminently boffable, that is, until she opens her mouth. If she’s still an option, try the suggestions above. Better yet, don’t reply at all. Leave her huffing hamster fumes, wondering why you won’t come out and play her idiotic game of cuntupsmanship.

On a less glib note, you might want to work on your attraction game. If girls are routinely responding to you in this interrogative fashion within seconds of approaching them, you’re probably acting weirdly and pinging their shady character radar. A mysterious charming cad identity is great until you overdo it and set off alarm bells. This is why low energy, aloof alpha game is sometimes less effective in the beginning stage of a pickup with a random girl; that low energy is more apt to be misconstrued by a girl who has never met you as the deliberate affect of someone who doesn’t have much to say otherwise, (or who has to stay silent because he’s a subpar conversationalist).

Day game and street game are especially sensitive to the downsides of mysterious cool cat posturing, because a cold daytime approach 1. is inherently more discombobulating to women than would be nighttime approaches in expected places, like bars, and 2. requires greater verbal investment to capture and hold the woman’s attention. You aren’t sitting on a couch in a hip lounge, beckoning tipsy girls with your curled finger; you’re walking up to them on the street sober as a reformed minister and taking them out of their mindless daily rhythms. The dark, brooding stranger with a mysterious past act isn’t going to fly in that environment. It’s plausible that a condition of this sort of approach is that you be ready for probing questions from girls wondering who you are and why you’re bold enough to hit on them in the broad daylight when every other man has their eyeballs glued to an iPhone.

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mas00 inquires,

Need some CH readers help. Been going out sarge’n by myself lately. I never do this, trying to throw myself into my fears. I’m 30 so time is not on my side.

Unless you look unusually prematurely old, time is most certainly on your side. Most men hit their *physical* sexual attractiveness peak in their mid 30s (as long as they don’t get soft and pudgy). Men can sustain their *attitudinal* sexual attractiveness well past their 30s and into late middle age. The point of this reminder is to wake you from falling into very bad and confidence sapping feelings of self-doubt. Chicks most certainly do not dig self-doubting Thomases.

I met this Hawaiian girl at a bike festival with her gay friend(guy). She had an amazing body, big ass HB 7.5. face was alright nothing amazing. We all talked for a bit, I got her number about 10 minutes into the convo. She gave me a free token for a beer/basically bought me a beer and told me I had “nice eyes”.

I’m just gonna assume she’s not an industry worker.

Anyways they were leaving and asked if I came alone I said yea I was gonna meet someone but they bailed.

Fibbing is always better than DLVing. (Demonstrating lower value.) Don’t tell a girl that your friends “bailed”. Tell her you bailed on them to chat up new people.

She said come with us to the street fair you aren’t doing anything.

An in-demand man is always doing something. She’s already trying to box you into a beta corner. This is an example of a mild form of shit test that many women will utilize without really being aware that they’re doing so.

I told her there was a party later and she and her friend should come and I was going to hang around. (bad move right??).

Not necessarily. Manufactured scarcity can be alluring. And you want to avoid following a girl around like an affection starved puppy. But if she’s really showing interest in you, it’s better to push for more time together than to retreat from the playing field by promising to meet at a later time. To put it simply, if the road is opening up to you, hit the gas. Don’t park and wait for a tow.

I thought I could ride out my high and stay approaching.. I guess this is a good lesson in know when to close the day?

Right. The point of approaching is fucking. Not more approaching.

I text her later on that day

Me- ” hit me up if you want to come to the party”
her- “ok for sure”.

Never heard from her.

Could be any number of reasons why she went cold. But I’d start with your phrasing. Don’t write “…if you want to come to the party”. That’s pleading for her company. Instead, state “come to the party at X. see you there.” AAS. Always. Assume. The Sale.

1 day later I text her around 10:30 am a funny meme that has samuel L jackson from Pulp Fiction pointing a gun and say “morning mother fucker”

If she was a friendly guy you just met would you be sending him funny memes the very next day? No? Then you shouldn’t be sending them to a girl you just met. Remember, dude, you hardly know her and you have better things to do. Why would you waste time trying to cheer up a girl you talked to for a few minutes, unless you were some needy beta desperate for a love connection?

Listen, girls can SMELL value on a man from twelve parsecs. They can sense it like you can visually tell the difference in nanometers between the right and left boobs.

nothing all day, until 10:30 I text her again..

me- I owe you a beer unless you handed out free beers to every guy who approached you

So far the texting ratio is decidedly not in your favor. You’ve sent three texts to her one text. Look up at the Jumbotron. Are you proud of your works, Oxymandias?

a day later

her- “haha so they all owe me beer”

She texted you A DAY LATER. This dynamic should be the other way around.

How should I attack this?

Lost cause. You’ve shown her nothing of worth except “nice eyes”, and that plus a buck will get you a cheap coffee and an afternoon fap. You want my sincere advice how to attack this? Go nuclear. Text back:

slut

Just like that. No punctuation, no nothing. Only The Asshole Force can save you now.

I feel like I had the upper hand

You never had the upper hand. Do you think a girl’s compliments mean anything? Attention whores toss out glib flattery like candy in order to stoke the chase in their suitors. Girls don’t mean it when they say shit like “nice eyes” in the way that men mean it when they say the same to women. The only evidence that a girl means anything noteworthy is her parting vagina welcoming your Mosaic staff.

but I didn’t move to another venue and now somehow the power dynamic has switched?

Your critical error was your lack of leaving any sort of impression on her. A venue change may have helped, but only in the sense that it would have prolonged the window of opportunity for you to salvage this mess.

While with her I ran into some random people I knew we talked for a while and I thought that showed I had value.

Depends what kind of random people they were. Nerds and fat chicks? Then you lowered your value. Cool cats like yer humble host CH? Value overload.

I’m a bit unsure of what route to take this.. Any help greatly appreciated. I want to smash this one.

You want to smash this one. She knows this. This is why you will not smash.

I can give you little. The lead is cold. Ice cold. Try non sequitur text game. That might do something. Otherwise, accept your momentary defeat and take the lesson to heart for the next girl you want to smash. Don’t worry, there will be plenty of them.

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The first subject reader from last week’s Reader Mailbag has responded with an update about his situation involving his Asian girlfriend and her doctor colleague she said was hitting on her. All three were going to be in attendance at an upcoming party, and the potential for some kind of confrontation was high.

Hi guys,

I’m #1, the guy dating the Asian chick who wrote to the Chateau. Thanks to the proprietors and the readers for their help, was most useful.

So Friday night was interesting, when we show up this other guy’s there, I split from my girl to say hi to some friends and see him make a beeline for her, at which point she promptly turns her back on him, one of her other friends (an acquaintance of mine) intervenes and appears to tell him to back off. She heads straight back to me and complains about the ‘creep from work’ hitting on her again.

At this point I’m nigh on certain that she’s not attracted to him, and a little later I introduce myself to this suitor and assertively ask “if hitting on taken women is part of his Hippocratic Oath” (credit to the Chateau). [ed: *preen*] Within seconds it becomes clear why my lover finds this man repulsive – as soon as I corner him and speak these words, he wilts. His body language reeks of intimidation and he stammers out apologies before giving me, my lover and our friends a wide berth for the rest of the night. Just goes to show that even if a man has looks and professional success, he needs the alpha male attitude to go with them.

Later that night she whispers “thanks for taking care of that creep, I heard you scared the shit out of him.” One weekend of rampant sex, home-cooked meals and all round adoration later and seems she’s wrapped around my finger more tightly than ever.

My interpretation of why she disclosed his advances to me: partially to make me jealous and an indirect request for my intervention. Regarding the confusion about blue collar/white collar terminology – I’m from the UK and unfamiliar with this Americanism, ‘white collar’ would be a better description of my profession.

P.S. When I first started reading this blog I thought so much of it was utter bullshit, nevertheless thought I’d might as well try and it and absolutely everything works. Case in point, flirting with a few other girls at this party who I know are into me, one year ago I thought this would make anyone I was dating pissed, uh uh, all the competition seems to do is produce gina tingles. Fuck having wasted 25 years as a blue piller, god bless the day I swallowed the red pill.
-Alex.

Well played, sir, and may the god of biomechanics be ever at your side, (or at least until your reproductive career is over).

It sounds from your update that your girlfriend was following CH reasons #1 and #2. She wanted a touch of drama by inciting jealousy, and a touch of reassurance by inciting signals of commitment from you, usually in the form of a “let’s you and him fight” white knight-ish intervention between her and her illicit pursuer, if necessary.

Those interventions can be tricky; they are high risk, high reward opportunities, and if done properly will cause ginas to explode in a meteor shower of tingles. But if executed poorly, a woman’s admiration will quickly turn to disappointment, even disgust.

The white knight reflex is often misdeployed by toolbags, but it is occasionally called for; one occasion is when your girlfriend is being aggressively pursued by another man who knows she is taken, and has the gall to pursue her in your presence. So I’d say you were justified in confronting the doctor. Once you have probable cause, the next hurdle is to intervene in a cool-headed way. Save the raging chimpouts for the meatheads guarding their tramp stamped whorems. No chick with even a modicum of classy femininity will appreciate a chimpout at some SWPL soiree. If you overreact, you tool yourself. Jealous overreaction is as much a tell of neediness and insecurity as is retiring self-defeatism.

Your handling of the doctor was perfect. I told you most of them are pussies and a pinpoint jab is all you’d need to cut him at the knees.

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A concerned reader with self-confidence issues writes,

Background – I became game-aware around a year ago, currently seeing this Asian chick for the last 4 months, exclusive for the last 2. To be frank, she’s out of my league – she’s a 7, 8 on a good day, works as a doctor and very feminine. I’m a 5-6 with a blue-collar office job although there’s lots of potential for growth. She pretty much does everything I want, cooks, cleans, strips naked and blows me without even asking, so on and so forth.

She recently told me about a guy from work (another doctor, to be fair he’s good-looking 8ish) who’s been hitting on her (verified from a 3rd party), he asked her out, she told him about me and declined but nevertheless he’s continuing to push his luck. Now she’s declined him 3 or 4 times now but he doesn’t get the message, a few questions:

Is her telling me about this a sign that she’s got nothing to hide from me, or an attempt to make me jealous?

When she first brought it up it did bother me but I acted nonchalant and gave her tips for flirting with guys. How should I act towards her if she brings this up again?

I’ll be at a party with her in a couple of weeks and he’ll be there, if he starts hitting on her in my presence, what is the appropriate response?

There are three reasons a woman you are banging would tell you about other men expressing interest in her:

1. DRAMA. Like all women, she enjoys periodic injections of relationship drama, and will manufacture that drama herself if none is forthcoming. This female-centric need for scene will be felt more acutely if she holds a subconscious suspicion that she can do better than you. The greater the perceived SMV (sexual market value) differential, the more she will create drama or welcome drama when it’s available free of charge.

Your waifu lover may be stirring the acid brine of jealousy to gauge your response for its alphaness. If this is the case, your first response was a good one. You brushed it off with a precision-guided Agree & Amplify tingle bomb. I would continue with this strategy until it becomes obvious that she’s no longer semi-kidding, at which point you turn steely-eyed on a dime and tell her “You’re making yourself look really unattractive to me right now. You sure you want to keep going like this?”

2. FISHING FOR REASSURANCE. If your girlfriend’s SMV is lower than yours, she may engage in feeble jealousy tactics as a means of enticing you to reassure her of her sexual worth. She figures if she can embed even a tiny seed of doubt in your mind about her desirability on the open market and her willingness to exercise her options, you will react by offering her higher quality signals of commitment. This does not sound like the motivation of your girlfriend, if your SMV assessments are accurate.

3. GUILT RELIEF. This motive is the worst of the three, because it forecloses any possibility of saving the relationship without sacrificing your manly dignity. (That is, you can go along to get along, but she’ll always hold it against you.) A woman who is thinking about cheating, or who is in fact already cheating, will, if this is her frame of mind, release to you a sanitized and redacted dossier of her secret lover and their private tryst, with the hope that by talking with you about her affair (or wished-for-affair) in however tangential a manner, (say, by “casually” informing you of this other guy who keeps hitting on her), her guilt will be alleviated.

The whole charade is, of course, on giant hamster rationalization that serves as a psychological emollient and accountability scrubber which removes from her any agency for her actions. Having thus dropped these “obvious clues” (as she will come to believe her manipulative utterances), she can then rationalize to herself that you “must know” what’s going on, she practically told you everything, so therefore she’s not really hiding anything from you. You simply choose to be passive about it.

My guess, from the facts you tell us, is that, unfortunately, #3 is operational. Asian chicks are more materially status conscious than white chicks, so the discreet attentions of a fellow doctor will mean more to the Asian girl, even if you are a stone cold alpha at home with her. But I’m not ready to commit to this judgment. It could also be that she gets grief from her family for being with you instead of a doctor/lawyer/hedge funder, and this is her way of working out her resentment of her family’s expectations.

Go to the party, watch their interaction closely (but from a plausibly disinterested distance). While they’re talking, look and listen for those tells that all women have when they are getting slammed on the side — the twinkling eyes, the hair self-tousling, the lip licking, the stream of questioning, the dangling shoe heel, the heaving bosom (adjusted to Asian specifications), the unbroken eye contact — and add it all up at the end of the night.

That last tell, the unbroken eye contact, is a dead giveaway when you are part of a three-way conversation with her and the presumed lover. Ask her a question, and watch to see if her eyes gravitate to yours, and if her eyes flit back to him as she is responding to you. Remember that, unlike for most men, it’s very difficult for the typical woman to manage two lovers in her life simultaneously. If she’s in a heated situation with both lovers present, she will reveal, primarily through body cues, a natural tendency to want to “shut out” one of the lovers from the dynamic. Breaking eye contact is a powerful cue that a shutting out is in progress.

Should your suspicions be suitably confirmed, plan your dignified escape, if necessary. Or continue to use her as a cum receptacle until such time that your feigned ignorance of her infidelity isn’t any longer tenable.

It should go without saying that all of this, the entire party scenario, should happen while you are flirting with other women there, under the fiery gaze of your consternated girlfriend. If you will play this dangerous game of furtive liaisons, silent accusations, and re-accusations, you don’t enter the battlefield unarmed, at the mercy of your conniving lover. You must have some hand, and the fastest way to get hand is to burnish the attention of other women.

Should something truly magnificent develop, like doctorboy blatantly hits on your girl within your ear- and eyeshot, then more forceful action is called for, whether direct or indirect confrontation. If indirect, let the indiscreet moment pass, then corner him in private and menacingly ask him if hitting on taken women is part of his Hippocratic Oath. If direct, smile widely, approach, and ask him if he’s ready to buy you a drink too, since you come as a package deal with your girlfriend.

Most doctors are pussies, so this tactic should sufficiently cow him. Bonus: Waifu will be swinging from the chandelier to impale herself on you later that night.

******

Found and then lost to the interminable friendzone, a reader wants to know how to bring a hot babe back into the labial unfolding,

As a loyal reader of your blog I am looking for some advice. I’d appreciate your time since this is a matter of great importance for me.

Background

I am 37 years old but most people guess 29-30. I am a bit overweight but not in an untrained ugly way (I used to train a lot before).

I would guess that women’s impression of me is a cocky funny teddy bear with some sex appeal and with some alphaness in the mix. I have my own business and make good money.

There is this girl, 21 years old, a solid 10 with tall lean body, silicon tits and green eyes.. Her older brother is a friend of mine (not so close though). Her ex bf (he was 28 and she was 17 when they hooked up) is my brother’s wife’s cousin (not that I care, but she does).

I have known her for 3-4 years but never gave her any attention at all. She told me recently that she always thought of me as a cool guy.

About 2 months ago, me, her, and a bunch of friends spent holidays in a cabin, and for some reason it clicked between us. We started dating in secret (because of the ties) and the secrecy was very important for her (afraid of bad reputation).

We had a great time for 1 month, with great sex every night at my place. I made sure she came every time and she told me she had the best sex of her life with me.

Usually my game is very solid. The girls I fuck are always really good looking. But this one is so beautiful that I just lost the game and became total beta around her.

This of course led to her being cocky and acting really badly. Also the pressure of her being constant worried that our friends would find out was a burden. I also moved in with 2 friends so after that she did not sleep over at all because of the secret thing.

So after 2 weeks of turbulence and constant fighting where I was a total betaidiot and lost my temper and calm (I mean I fucked up about every point of the sixteen commandment of poon, and I tell you, my game is super solid normally) she told me she felt more like we were friends and didn’t want to have sex anymore.

It was a wake-up call and I told her that I felt the same way because of her bad behavior in recent weeks but we could hang out. She was really glad since she was worried that I would not want to see her more.

Last Saturday was my birthday. The plan was originally for us to be 5 guys with 5 girls and she would sleep over. But after the “talk” I invited 10 more girls, amongst them 2 girls she knows I’d like to fuck and 1 she knows I fucked a week before I hooked up with her.

All night I gave my other girls a lot of attention and in the club I hang out with my last fuck. She told my friend something about how i did not give her any attention and ran after my other girls.

She went home around three after being super annoyed all night, and I took home my last fuck and fucked her all night.

The day after she came by and hung out with me and my 2 flatmates, ate some pizza and watched a movie, behaving much better than she had been for weeks.

I was friendly to her, but kept my distance and in the middle of the movie excused myself to go to sleep. At that time she also went home.

Question

So, my question is obviously how to get back inside the panties again.

A friend with strong game told me I should not see her as friends at all, at least 2 weeks in order for her to miss me. Then I should see her alone and try to pick her up again. He told me that if we hang out as friends, then that will be the case and never go back to passion.

I could also hang with her as friends, but be nonchalant and try to game my way back. The friend that she spoke to all night at the club told me that he picked up jealousy and that she still had strong feelings for me. He could be wrong though.

Please give me the blueprint here and I promise that I will keep my game even after getting her back.

I will make a sizable donation the next day after I have her in my bed again.

Keep up the good work and please let me know as soon as possible since I am a bit lost here.

Fuck that was long. The attitude you should have is described here. Keep a friendly distance, but be sure to keep a distance. Don’t act resentful about it. The few times you see her, act like a casual friend who never had any sex with her, and never intends to. This ambiguity is what really fucks with a woman’s self-percevied value, and she will respond, if she is like most women, by thinking about you in a sexual way again. Your friend is right. You need at least two weeks of total radio silence before you even think about speaking to her, or being around her. Turn off your phone, so that if she texts you, you won’t get them right away, and you’ll reply hours or even days later.

Two to three weeks, then reengage. And by reengage, I mean game her as if it’s the very first time. Pretend like you don’t have a history with her. If she brings it up, go full-bore cocky. Playfully accuse her of ruining the mood. Ask her when she became such a downer. The trick there is that what you say doesn’t even have to logically proceed from her assumption of your history together. She says, “I thought you just wanted to be friends?”, and you say, “Have you always been a total buzzkill?” Physically escalate like your memory has been wiped clean and she’s just some new chick to you with whom there’s no unsavory LJBF past. I call this Memento Game.

******

A reader asks about Older Man Game (OMG!),

Would love to see an article or articles about Game for older men – both married and divorced/separated.  I realize now I have been a complete and total beta/white-knight for my entire adult life. I finally realized it at the ripe old age of 59 when I started reading the Manosphere such as this site.  Some of my past beta behavior now makes me cringe when I think of it.

Now at 60, am I too old to get Game? (I’d say I look 45, in good shape, with hair, and successful.) Do I assume that it is too late for me and accept my fate? What age range should we be looking for and where should I meet them? I certainly don’t want to be one of those sad old dudes hanging around clubs trying to chat up 20-somethings. If you feel like tackling the subject of Game for older men I am sure many others besides me would appreciate it.

Simple answer to your question, in the form of a Socratic question: Are you too old to lift? To learn? To live? No? Then you’re not too old to get game.

First things first. At 60, no matter how tight your game, it will be tougher to pull 20 year old babes than if you were 30, or even 40. But game, like most self-improvement endeavors, doesn’t work that way. It’s not an either-or proposition. “Either I get 20 year olds, or I’m stuck with gross 60 year old women.” No, it’s a *better* proposition. With game, you can do better than most 60 year old men and reasonably shoot for women 15 to 20 years younger than yourself. Now a 40 year old woman might not be a spring chicken, but she’s a hell of a lot more bangable than she will be when she’s 60. Unless you’re into GILF porn. yeech.

There are plenty of posts in the archives devoted to older man game. Here’s one of them. My immediate suggestion: Clubs are out, except for speakeasies that cater to an older crowd. I happen to know a few older, and in-shape, gents who met their much younger girlfriends at various athletic events. Try to corner a market where your status and knowledge and experience are valued more than your rapidly degrading fast-twitch muscle fibers and drinking ability. Conventions, art expos, socialite parties, business seminars, etc. If you’re a boss, you should consider the secretary route. It’s a tried and true method that drives feminists batty.

******

A reader naively asks,

How long can I deny my wife sex before she’ll cheat on me?

A long time if she’s ugly. Isn’t that the reason you’re denying her sex in the first place?

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This one comes from “Roger Rabbit”,

So you guys have your opinions and all.  Is this like a website just for trolling? What’s with all the anger? because i cant figure out who gives enough of a shit about fat chicks, omega males, or anything else presented here to create a whole site about it.  You don’t respond to anyone that challenges you with anything more than a fuck-off or “you must be a fat chick/omega male/feminist bitch” – take your pick.  Which is fine, that’s your right as the alpha male gorilla, chest-beating idiots you are.  But it’s so ridiculous I think it’s gotta be just a place for you to troll.  Are you actually like 12?  That’s rhetorical. By the way, I’m sure you already guessed it, but I am a 520 pound white chick with a dark mustache, slimy stinky cheese growing in my fat folds because I can’t bathe properly, hairy arms, legs, & pits because – well for obvious reasons.  I’m so pathetic I let my dog lick my cunt and clean the curdled scum nestled in my fat folds while I eat cheese puffs, smoke, and look at porn of gorgeous 18 year old girls I will never look like and can never have.  As a favor to you and everyone who knows me (that’s not many people) I think I will try to end my miserable existence later on tonight.  No thanks necessary.  I can imagine your appreciation even as I type.  Thank the good lord for survival of the fittest.  Oh before I die, I’d like to leave you with this idea – why not start fat camps but when us fatties get there, you shame us and over feed us and insult us while torturing our fat-asses in the most sadistic ways you can come up with.  Almost like concentration camps.  Instead of the gas chamber, lead us to a room promising a huge buffet, then force us to eat to death.  Keep up the good work on this site, encouraging all of us disgusting low-lifes in whatever form we take to off ourselves and therein paving the way for the rise of your super breed of men and women.  Better save a few of us though, just so you’ll have someone to kick around.

You ever notice how deeply unaware the equalist losers in life appear to be to their own psychological projection? It’s similar to how the first commenter to drop the n-word in a thread about a racially-charged news story is often a leftoid saying “Yeah, you wingnuts want to off the niggers and spics, just come out and say it.”  The id revealed, indeed.

For the record, “Roger Rabbit”, fatties and other assorted misfits who know their place aren’t the primary designated targets of CH’s very special lessons. It’s the loser apologists and degenerate freak mafia claiming the equal worth of medusas, monsters and manboobs who earn the privilege of serving as voodoo dolls to poke with pins and laugh at as they twist convulsively from searing psyche pain. Twisting which you have illustrated quite spectacularly here, for the sadistic pleasure of all reading.

So, yes, CH will continue making an example of you and your ilk to serve as a warning for the others who might get it in their heads to propagandize equalist bullshit that makes the world an uglier, fatter, gloomier place.

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What do you do when what you thought was a sure thing decides to play the game for keeps? A reader bemoans,

I fucked up. HB5.5 in my residency program wanted to fuck during orientation (last year). I brushed it off. However, I didn’t realize that this is fucking SF and the girls here are terrible. Got drunk with some other residents, gave her a call and said I wanted to bang. She’s playing it cool….too cool because I thought I was doing her a favor by throwing her a bone. Not sure if she over wanting the dick or playing hard to get. Cannot think of a respectable way out of this one, especially since word could get out to the rest of the group. In this particular group, reputation and status are extremely important. I don’t really care if I lose face with her.

HB 5.5. This is veering dangerously close to plain jane with stalker potential territory. The truly ugly girls know they don’t have a shot, and don’t bother obsessing over a crumb of attention they know isn’t going to materialize into a full man sandwich. But those girls who are right on the cusp of attractiveness — the 5.5s, for example — they can spin a smattering of alpha male attention into a fantasy world of romantic delusion.

Anyhow, lemme just quickly explain what’s going on this girl’s head. She knows from past experience your interest level isn’t high, and your recent motivation is drink and (probably) a dry spell. But her attraction for you is still strong, so she’s erecting a false bravado (aka female coyness) to ease her anti-slut conscience and maybe allow her the luxury of imagining she can raise your buying temperature by making you chase her a little.

You can play this game and achieve the bang by simply demonstrating some attainability that wasn’t there before, but that means a few dates with a 5.5 that will feel like wasted hours of your life once you’ve Jackson Pollacked her crevice. Also, you’ve got to keep in mind that your drunken pleading for sex lowered your relative value. The fastest way to give a girl hand is to confess in a moment of truth serum-y weakness that you need to get laid with her. So now you’ve got to tango with her like you would with a better looking woman, simply because you constructed a history with her that did your SMV no good.

If you want a way out, bang or no bang, my advice is to stop looking for a way out. Instead, ignore her and take some time off from what sounds like a very insular group to meet out-group women. The best ways out are sometimes found through ways into new women.

******

Reader #2 wishes to entertain us all.

hey  this is a poem i just wrote.

I read your site diligently.

So here it is.  Let me know what you think.

Here are the musings.
Of a sane man.
Argue they-n man
Large oracular, spectacular
vernacular. With back to her.
See me smackin’ her.
Take that from her

I am a cool, guy
Lost not frost. Shocked
we’re not talked.

there once was a lad named heartiste
whose rod was as wide as its reach
the throngs they be mirin
the panties retirin
and the wombs did accede to the breach

- excerpt from “Plato’s Republic”

******

The Rude Word of Game will infiltrate every kind of relationship, as reader #3 testifies,

Hello Heartiste,

I’m a 21 year old male who took the red pill a year ago. Recently, I have started trying to spread the teachings to family and friends who I think would be the most receptive, and have even gotten my (lifelong favorite) uncle on board with smashing the Cathedral.

However, my mother is very different, and I’m not sure what to do about her. She’s a perfect candidate for postmarital spinsterhood. She’s 41. She is fit and healthy, but aging has obviously not benefited her looks. She divorced from my father (her initiation) 6 years ago. She works at an investment firm, in what is essentially human resources. She lives alone in her own house and has it ornamented with typical feminine feel-good kitsch, such as the sign that says “Somewhere someone is looking for exactly what you have to offer.” Yes, it makes me die a little bit inside too.

Based on snippets of her own personal life that she’s told me, I have made the unsurprising inference, considering her post-Wall status, that she finds herself in an unsatisfactory dating situation; all the men she dates are either not attractive to her or, if attractive, they won’t give her the time of day. I understand what is obviously going on but that she isn’t going to see, being steeped in Eat Pray Love go-get-em grrrl culture as she is since her birth. An apt illustration: I saw that she had purchased Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In for her woman’s book club.

As she is my own mother, and despite it being more or less just desserts for divorcing my father (who is, we might say, embarrassingly beta), I am still troubled that she’s floundering in this situation, under the delusion that she stands a good chance of nabbing a man that both cares about her and she finds attractive. It is likely only a matter of time before she happens upon the manosphere (I blog under my own name, and I cover red pill topics) and sees what is to be said about her situation. My questions are these: How can I let her know about her situation? What can I do if/when she finds out, and especially if it occurs through my own writings? What can I expect for how this will change our relationship or my relationship with my family in general?

Call me old-fashioned, but I think referring to your mother and the wall in the same sentence is bad form. I guess that’s the kinder, gentler, thousand points of love Heartiste talking.

Your mother is in desperate straits, and is grasping for ego-assuaging platitudes as is the wont of the weaker, sheltered sex when their fading beauty betrays them to the mercy of an obtrusive, cruel sexual market reality. If she’s reading that vile trash “Lean In”, then she’s too far gone to benefit from the cleansing power of realtalk.

To your pertinent questions:

Are you really going to inform your mother that she’s a sexual has-been who must learn to settle if she ever wants to be with a man again? True or not, I’m guessing you don’t have the psychopathic stones to do that to her. However, CH does! So if she comes across this blog post, perhaps a light bulb will flicker and, allowing for a few weeks of tear-dreanched pillow theatrics and longing stares at pill bottles, will rouse herself to acceptance of inalterable circumstance and tackle with renewed seriousness a search for men who are reasonably within her sphere of SMV synchronization.

Buuuut I wouldn’t hold my breath. Settling is not something that comes easily to women, at any age.

Your mission, should you choose to inject it, is deliberate avoidance of any kind of feelgood pablum that will put a band-aid on your mom’s psychic wounds but leave them festering underneath. Your refusal to console her should be a loud enough message to her that you don’t suffer her unjustified entitlement gladly. If her best interest is really in your heart, use family and friends lifelines to locate and instigate liaisons between your mom and older, beta gentlemen she might reject under her past dating protocol but are in fact good matches for her according to universal laws of romantic compatibility. It sounds like your mom desires a bit of the ol’ funtime badboy, so if you know a man, late 50s to 60ish, with a heart of gold who rides motorcycles and has been in a brawl or two, he might be your winning ticket. Be warned you may have to dip down into the prole classes to find this man, given the effete state of SWPL-class men these days.

******

Email #4 comes from a girly girl,

I love your blog, even though it makes me wince sometimes (I’m a girl—I suppose the truth hurts). You probably don’t bother giving advice to women,

Untrue. A foul calumny!

but I’m compelled to try anyway because the female oriented relationship blogs are so awful.

True. A factual calumny.

I don’t know where else to go. Earlier this year I was involved with this guy from my hometown for a few months. I would see him when I went to visit my parents. He is a very alpha guy and I got attached to him fast. He eventually broke it off saying he didn’t want a LTR.

The three month mark is typically the hour of doom when alpha males uninterested in getting tied down break it off with girls.

When I told him I would likely be moving back to my hometown permanently (for job reasons, not for him)  he said, great.. when you’re back we’ll see where we are. I was a little hurt but I could see where he was coming from.

Aloof asshole off the starboard bow.

We’ve been keeping in touch by text since then, pretty much daily.

How long are his texts? Be honest.

Occasional phone calls. He is a classic alpha texter, infuriatingly short responses, careless spelling and punctuation, randomly drops out of conversations. Seriously, you could put him up on your blog as an example of alpha texting.

I should have read ahead!

Except for one thing– he will initiate if he hasn’t heard from me. I am not a crazy girl text terrorist, and when he goes off radar I’m pretty good at leaving him alone, but I always get the “what’s going on” text from him in a day or two if he hasn’t heard from me.

This is a good sign. He’s thinking about you. Or, less charitably, he doesn’t have another girl in his life to distract him.

He’s not into sexual banter but he likes to tease me about nonsexual things (I’m a klutz, I’m too gullible, etc.).

Cooties game.

He’s told me some surprisingly personal stuff too.

Vulnerability game.

So I am moving back home next week and I just heard (not from him) that he’s seeing someone now. I’m so sad about this.  I am crazy attracted to this guy and I know it sounds stupid, but I feel like we got a little closer through our “text friendship” these last few months.

It’s not stupid. As a human being, you project your sensibilities onto the opposite sex. As a woman, you value emotional connection more than sexual connection. So “text friendships” naturally mean a lot more to you than they do to him. But this deep state knowledge means you no longer have an excuse to persist in your happy delusions. You have to look reality square, and adjust accordingly.

I really like him. I want to start seeing him for real after I move…. and I was hoping he wanted that too. My friends  say he’s already rejected me for a RL and if I want to revive things I have to go no-contact for a while so he misses me.

Your friends are on the right track, even if their reasoning is flawed. Better still, start seeing other men, and make sure it hits the grapevine. This radio silence strategy won’t work as well for you as it would for a man, but it will work a little.

They say I was too available, even if it was by text… this is the classic female-blogger “rules” advice, as you probably know.

It’s not your availability that was the problem; it’s the OTHER WOMAN’s availability that’s the problem.

So I have a couple questions, and I know you’ll give me the truth:  (1) Can I assume he’s still somewhat interested, since he stayed in touch?

Yes, but it’s a threadbare assumption. If the other girl is better looking (tough pill to swallow for you, I know, but you have to face up to this possibility if you want a way forward), then his interest has plummeted because he’s getting what he wants. Not much you can do under that circumstance unless you’re down for a casual sideshow fling, or by some miracle the other girl turns out to be a psycho and he begins to miss your comparatively calming presence. Many men will keep up contact with past flames because they are practicing the age-old tactic of hedging their bets. See: Poon Commandment VII.

(2) Would being aloof and unavailable have ANY effect at all here, particularly if he’s seeing someone?

Probably not, if the looks differential between you and the other woman is significant. If, however, you and the other girl are equally pretty, then a disappearing act punctuated by occasional tacit reminders of your allure might help keep his interest at a slow burn.

Would anything help?

Dress hot when you’re around him. Be seen getting hit on by other men. Get in better shape (if there’s room for improvement). Fire up the rumor mill that you’re seeing someone. Master the feminine art of ambiguity (an art co-opted by male seducers) and curtness in your texts and conversations with him; don’t be nasty, be inscrutable. Be nice, but be taciturn, even business-like. You want him thinking you have options, and that you may be exercising those options, and that his company, while pleasing, doesn’t rock your world like it used to.

This is the best advice I can give you, and I give it with the warning that you shouldn’t expect much. The nature of male and female sexual dynamics precludes the possibility that the advice which works so well for men will work equally well for women. And another warning: Even should the advice “work” — that is, the other girl splits with him and he tumbles into bed with you — know that you will be second-best in his eyes if the other girl inspired harder, longer, thicker boners in him. I hate to get crude with such an earnest woman as yourself, but it’s necessary to illuminate the foundation of muck that supports the dreamy romantic idylls we all have a penchant for building around our egos.

If it matters, you can assume I’m hotter than the girl he’s seeing and that he does have a reputation for being playerish– although he has had several long term relationships.

I will take your word. If this is so, my advice above should work quite well. You may want to signal a little more attainability than what I have implied above, if you are really a better specimen than his current lover. Given his player predilection, he should respond reflexively to girl game that stings his narcissism.

We’re about the same on the attractiveness scale; we both have options.

Is this attractiveness scale a looks-based one? If so, you should understand that men are judged by more criteria than their looks. If he’s a player, he’s charming. And the ladies love a charming rascal. So although you have punched in the numbers and run an algorithm that tells you his looks and your looks roughly match, the romantic reality can be skewed in his favor and to the benefit of raising his value above yours because his charm and mannerism can net him attention from higher value women that his looks alone can’t (at least for any kind of relationship longer than a night).

I know you’re busy and must get a million emails, but any advice or commentary would be really appreciated. Thanks!

One final thought. Some men, particularly those seeking long-term relationships, will settle for women a little less hot than what those men could get, or have historically gotten, in part as a defense mechanism against getting dumped or getting drama, in part because they perceive a slightly less physically intimidating woman a better bet as a loyal partner in long-time love. If this is the operative psychology in your scenario, then he may have, to borrow a well-worn and extremely irritating phrase from platitude-land, “moved on”.

Or: The dude might be in love. Best leave him to his happiness.

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1. A reader wants to know if he blew himself out of the water.

Background
Her 18 (7)
Me late 20′s (7.5)

We have been studying alone together for the past few weeks both at school and her parents house. (Non dorm college). She send various signs of interest (ex: when working on her computer I accidently clicked on the show background button and it showed a picture of her in a bikini, not her normal background). On the other hand she always mentions her boyfriend who dorms in a different state. I got annoyed with it and showed her a pic of my gf (8.5). we are by Boston

Text follow later that day

Me: let’s work on blah blah next week
Me: also I’m really offended you thought I was middle eastern
Her: my mom thought you were middle eastern too (wide eye smiley)
Me: I’m getting you both glasses!
Me: show your mom this (pic of my European passport) [ed: nicely timed DHV]
Her: I will
Her: were you born there?
Me: let’s talk about it over coffee or something, easier than texting
Her: true
*i never text back

Was it weak to ask via text when I knew I would see her next week?

Mistake to show gf pic and ask to hang out same day? To forward for one young and innocent?

Mistake to send pic of passport? Trying to hard to win her approval? What would you have done instead?

To your first question: Was it weak to ask over text instead of in person? Yes, you could make a case for lameness, particularly since you and her have been, and would continue to be, in the same room together for a few weeks. But this mistake is just a yellow flag, not an own goal.

To your second question: It’s only a mistake to mention your girlfriend if it’s clear to your intended target you’re doing so in reaction to a perceived slight or disappointment. In your case, it sounds like that’s what happened. Luckily, your girlfriend is hot, so your study partner’s “preselected by quality women” algorithmic alpha male detector fired off. I would say this move was a wash in terms of any advantage or disadvantage it gave you.

To your third question: There’s no such thing as being “too forward” with a girl as long as your forward motion is executed with finesse. Recall Poon Commandment XIII:

Err on the side of too much boldness, rather than too little.

If you’re going to make a pick-up mistake, make a mistake while moving toward sex, instead of away from sex.

To your fourth and fifth questions: No, and no. You had an open to DHV with the passport without sounding try-hard.

To your sixth question: I would have texted her again after her last reply. If there is any part of this exchange where you own-goaled, it’s the part when you didn’t follow-up your tacit promise to get her out for coffee. The study room dynamic is sapping the romantic energy between you and her because it’s going on too long without forward progress. You were on the right track with your thought to move her into a different context. After she replied “true”, all you had to write back was “k, X place at X time.”

Ya know, there is seductive aloofness that entrances girls, and there is the overwrought aloofness that men who are suddenly afraid of success will resort to as a mechanism for avoiding the pain of a rejection that heretofore only exists in their heads.

tl;dr Bust a move.

***

2. A reader has sprog on the nog.

So I’ve ‘taken the red pill’, learnt game, agree with you on everything about not getting married etc.

However, I can’t seem to shake my desire to have children. To me, it seems like one of the most worthwhile things you do can with a life is to have kids. Maybe it’s because my parents did an incredible job raising my siblings and I, but I just feel like it’s a legacy I want to create.

How do you come to terms with this (assuming you share the same view)? Is marriage ESSENTIAL for having, and properly raising children? Do you believe you can do so without marriage (seen as I adamantly want to avoid it)? Or do you just not share my same desire?

Is marriage essential for having children? :lol: :lol: :lol: What do you think this is, 1950s America? You can be in prison and still pop out four upstanding citizens if you have a way with words and the low impulse control that chicks lurv.

But maybe you’re the kind of would-be father who actually wants to be around his kids, and impart his wisdom so that they may grow up proud and strong and become net tax payers to support the kids of the kinds of fathers and mothers who don’t much care about imparting wisdom to their womb spewage. Maybe you had the misfortune of being genetically cursed with a K-selected psychology in an increasingly r-selected world.

r-selected world
r-selected world
r-selected world girl
(li-ving in an r-selected world
we are li-ving in an r-selected world)

If kid quality is your Job 1, then yeah get married. It’s good for the children. Marry young, marry hot, marry tight. And marry chaste. (Not you. Her.) But if marriage is not your bag (and who could blame you?), you can get the same child-raising, K-assuaging, father-amazing benefits by having kids within a committed, cohabiting relationship. It works for Sweden. Well, it works for Sweden’s historical native people, at any rate. There’s nothing magical about signing on the dotted line that will alter the properties of your character, other than the disincentive magic of divorce theft. But if that’s what you need to keep your lover or yourself in line, perhaps she’s not the one you should be considering for the mother of your children.

***

3. Reader can’t believe the Pavlovian call-response of modern women.

I think this world is coming to an end. I was chatting to this girl on a dating site. I opened her by being polite and respectful, because she was from a southern country and I thought she was traditional.

She basically brushed me off by telling me I’m ugly.

Next day I make another profile and find her. My profile had nothing special at all, my picture was even uglier than the previous one. First words I open her with : you’re fat. Guess what? She was all nice and flirty with me.

Wtf is going on? Has feminism even reached the corners of all sounthern latin countries now? This is ridiculous.

I’m not a fan of the “insult as substitute for fine-tuned neg” game, but even I’m occasionally amazed at how often a shot of straight-up asshole works on women. If you’re ever stuck on a recalcitrant Westernized girl, and it’s going nowhere fast, just call her fat. It beats doing the same beta suck-up routine and expecting different results.

***

4. A reader has ideas in his head that might be counter-productive.

I would love your feedback on this-

Some brief background- I’m a recovering beta (with the soul of an alpha but duped by societal pressures, etc. to being a beta)- I was in a relationship for 11 years (was married for 7 of those years). For job purposes I moved to Paris France while my wife stayed in the US, with the plan being for her to move here after a year. She cheated on me during that year, and we broke up soon after she moved here (she still had to spend a year here as she had already committed work-wise to doing it).

Absence makes the heart grow fonder… up to a point. Extended absence makes the heart go wander. Especially if that heart is desired by a lot of other hearts in the sexual market.

This was 2.5 years ago, I was a different man then than I am now. I’m better off because of the divorce (which I never had the balls to do myself then). I’m going to visit home in a couple of weeks. Part of me wants to track this guy down (I know what city he lives in and a few people he knows, and presumably could do it) and beat the shit out of him, just to prove something about my manhood.

Whenever you feel this feel, just remember that your ex-wife represented one-half of the parties involved in the adultery. Beating the shit out of this dude, if it gets back to her, will only enable her to avoid blame for her own part in her disloyalty.

Part of the reason is that if he is still with my ex-wife (I feel like they may be- all I know is he visited her in Europe at least once while she was there for a year after we split) I just want her to know that I did that- not with any attempt or interest to win her back or anything.

I really recommend against this. You want to get back at your cheating whore of a whore’s whore ex-wife? Date a hotter babe and make sure the ex sees you together with her. That will impact her psyche a thousand times more than downwind news that you brawled with her boyfriend.

Do you think this is worth the effort- (tracking down and beating the shit out of the guy who fucked my ex-wife while I was with her) – in what it means to me in being a mostly alpha guy? Or is it more alpha for me to live my life and forget about them?

A good way to judge your frame of mind in these situations is to ask yourself, “If my ex was suddenly aroused by my display of alpha after trouncing the guy she cheated with while we were together, and she made it clear she wanted me back, would I gladly accept the opportunity?” If you answer “yes”, then you don’t have the right (aka alpha) frame of mind.

More generally this is a question I struggle with in my life at the moment. I know that I do care about how people remember me- but to what extent should I expend energy towards affecting the memories of me from people in my past, compared to spending energy on my bright future in general?

I think you already know the answer to your question.

***

5. This reader has a request for analysis of his text game.

Got a girl’s number on the street through using the “put your number in my phone” routine I saw on your site. Waited four days, and texted her to meet up, and tried to operate as I thought Chateau would advocate. Was wondering if you could evaluate my textual interaction to get her out. [Names changed to protect the devious.]

Monday., April 22, 4:08pm
Me: Hey Katie, we should go out this week. -Brad from X last Thursday

4:30pm
Her: Alright, so you definitely caught me off guard, and I’m not going to lie I was pretty flattered. I’m sorry, I just didn’t get a chance to tell you that I have a boyfriend.

This was a golden opportunity to use any number of “I have a boyfriend” neutralizing replies.

7:27pm
Her: I really am sorry, I do admire your confidence :/

Tuesday, April 23 11:17am
Me: U seem like an independent person who can hang with who u want. Let’s meet up tomorrow.

The problem with waiting a day to respond to a girl who dropped an “IHAB” on you is that you risk coming off like a guy who got blindsided by her revelation and needed a day to compose himself. You shoulda replied soon after. That said, this is a decent rescue of a text exchange heading south out of the gate.

11:42am
Her: But you hardly know me not to mention I think that wouldn’t be the greatest idea seeing as that would be shady on my part.

12:33pm
Her: And what could you get out of going out with a girl who has a boyfriend?

The good: She texted you back immediately, and texted twice in a row. There’s some interest.

The bad: She mentioned the boyfriend again. She might not be bluffing.

The opportunity: When a girl mentions her boyfriend a bit too frequently, it sometimes is a tell that she harbors illicit fantasies and is leaning on the “boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend” chant to strengthen her resolve in the face of temptation, or to excuse herself of any responsibility should she HAPPEN to succumb to another man’s seductive charm. You know, the ol’ “But I told him I had a boyfriend, so anything that happens between us will be his fault” hamster rationalization.

1:23pm
Me: I won’t judge u, Katie. (Particular bar) tomorrow at 8

I don’t like this response. Too straight and by the book. You’re playing into her frame, i.e., you’re tacitly agreeing with her that it would be shady for her to meet with you. Better to have replied playfully, For example:

Her:  And what could you get out of going out with a girl who has a boyfriend?

You: A free drink.

1:29pm
Her: Well I’m not sure what this has to do with my independence but I can’t meet you especially when I don’t even know you, Brad.

Ok, she’s interested. She’s begging for you to give her the flimsy excuse she needs to come out and see you.

3:21pm
Me: U know u can, Katie, and should. Come get to know me tomorrow. Don’t cheat yourself.

Game by assertion? I like the “don’t cheat yourself” line, but this reply is veering dangerously into begging territory. You’re totally in chasing mode. I dunno. It’s not my style. Anyone else want to chime in here? YaReally? I’ll give you points for boldness and directness, though. That may be enough.

Wednesday April 24, 12:02am
Her: I just don’t even know what to say anymore to be honest

As long as a girl is still replying, the game is still on.

11:52am
Me: Say you’ll see me tonight ;)

This kind of earnest charm works better face to face, where you can soften the sappy edge with a smirk. In text, you risk sounding desperate, even with the ameliorating smilie.

12:31pm
Her: Do girls just not say no to you very often or something?

She’s stiiiiiiillllll replying.

2:24pm
Me: Other girls have nothing to do with me and u

Ok, so you’re basically running battering ram game. Nothing wrong with that. It can work well on girls who had an initial reservoir of romantic interest.

2:28pm
I don’t even know your full name, and my name is spelled “Katy” by the way haha.

Did you misspell her name on purpose the whole time? If so, kudos, sir.

4:13pm
Me: Duly noted, Katy. I’ll be sure to give u my last name right when we meet up tonight

This is becoming too insistent. You need more cocky playfulness. All I see is you chasing 100% and her being chased 100%. For instance, there was an opportunity here to fuck around with the “wrong name” conversational subthread. Instead of “Duly noted, Katy”, you could have replied “Duly noted, Qaaytee”.

7:43pm
Me: U on way, katy?

I know the Chateau recommends Zero Punctuation, but honestly it looks kind of stupid when a man uses “U” in place of “you”.

7:45pm
Her: No I’m not haha I’m studying I don’t believe I told you I was going

Aaaand…. failure to launch.

7:47pm
Me: Gay

The “gay” response is better at the start of trouble, not ten days later.

7:50pm
Her: Not gay it’s a Wednesday night

She’s just using you for shits and giggles now. Abandon ship.

My next move was to abandon her, but if she contacts me, wait a long time to respond and somehow fit in the “because I don’t want to get you pregnant” line. Your opinion?

“if she contacts me”. That “if” is a big if. You’re thinking twelve chess moves ahead when she hasn’t even moved her pawn E2 to E4. There might be a way to turn this around and somehow convince her to go out with you, but I think you’ll have an easier time recruiting a new girl for a date. And it sounds like that kind of perspective is what you need.

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A reader with an urgent family emergency has turned to the Chateau for help.

I have been reading your site for many years now and thank you for all of the wisdom you have shared. Your blog has improved my life in many ways, and I humbly ask your advice now to convince my brother that he is about to make a terrible mistake.

My brother is the pride of the family – went to a top school undergrad, graduated med school last year, and is now on his way to becoming a surgeon. He is a well-adjusted, mature man who has had a couple of long term relationships in the past and possesses above average intellect, physical, and social skills.

For the past 6 months he has been dating an unemployed divorcee who is 8 years older (he’s 28, she’s 36). This summer he will be moving across the country for his next rotation and they have decided that she will also move and live together with him. She has no social network in the region and even if she finds a job will be relying almost entirely on him financially, emotionally, etc. Not surprisingly she has been pushing him for a ring and a baby, and he seems to be happily going along with this.

My parents and extended family are distraught. We have all tried to reason with him but to no avail. You and your esteemed commentators can all see the train wreck that will occur if my cousin decides to marry and start a family with this woman.

My question to you is this: how can I talk him out of it?

Nervously Poolside,
Dr. No

This reader’s brother needs an intervention. A strong, powergut propelled, three pats on the back intervention. The best teachable moments are those which sock the nascent quisling in the face with a blistering infographic:

The graph is via GLPiggy. As you can see, more women have sex before age 25, but after that the dynamic flips and it’s men who enjoy the edge in sexual pleasure. The why is simple: women are most desirable when young. Men are most desirable when older, and continue staying desirable well into middle age. The underlying why is even simpler: Female attractiveness is almost entirely a function of their physical beauty. Male attractiveness is a function of multiple causes, including status, power, charm, looks and social dominance.

This is CH 101, aka Life 101, aka Feminist Soul Implosion 101.

So tell your brother it makes no sense to marry a woman eight years older than himself when he has the SMV goods RIGHT NOW to land a hotter, tighter, younger babe without divorce baggage, said baggage which itself is strong evidence she will divorce again. And on top of that, his SMV will only increase for another ten, perhaps twenty years, while hers, if she is the typical woman following the usual senescence track, will have a date with the wall of sexual expiration just about the time his appeal is maxing out.

That’s a recipe for marital failure. It makes no sense for him to hitch his cart to this gimp horse, unless….

she’s hot.

I mean, balls tingling, cock leaping hot.

You left this out of your description of her. Be honest, how hot is she? A hard 10? And not just for her age? Because if that’s the case, (however unlikely), many would find it difficult to dissuade him from experiencing the kind of glorious transcendental passion that most men can only crave from the sidelines of their gloomy masturbatoria.

You see, a man falls in love with a woman’s beauty. He does not fall in love with her smarts, her job, her credentials, her family connections, her employability, her future time orientation, or her ability to stand against the patriarchy or avoid the pitfalls of divorce.

Her beauty inspires his devotion, his lust, his love, his tenderness, his protectiveness, his delirium. Once inspired, he begins the journey of discovering all those other little things about her that seem now to him so powerfully alluring. Her beauty is the buttering ram that slides open doors to aspects of her subtler being that are joyously and post hoc-ally embraced by him as motivating reasons for his ardor.

Save this man, yes.

But save him from what? Himself? Or your family’s concern with appearances?

I ask with all sincerity. Because you need to be sure that you will act in your brother’s best interest. If he’s a man of solid self-possession who happens to be truly, deeply, crazily in love, leave him be. If he’s a beta who is clinging to what he imagines is a lifeline from a fate of grinding loneliness, then by all means get in his face.

Show him this blog. Let him sponge up the message that is both necessarily hateful and nourishing.

Slyly introduce finer specimens of femaledom into his life. Let him smell their intoxicating aroma.

Employ the carrot and the stick, the coax and the shame. In time, if he is not completely lost to the forces of self-doubt so preciously cultivated by our feminism glorified society, he will find his footing.

Preferably in the bed of a 22 year old stripper.

UPDATE

An astute commenter has noted that the reader requesting advice referred to the man in question as his brother, and then as his cousin. This may indeed be a troll email.

Nevertheless, the message stands. Trolls can often serve as useful springboards to discuss larger matters which do impact the lives of many men.

UPDATE 2

From original emailer,

My sincere gratitude for your post.

The cousin is a typo, he is my brother and this is a very real situation.

The woman in question is not hot at all, though not ugly – clearly post wall looking to latch on to a provider. 5 at best.

We are acting in his best interest as we can all see what will happen a few years down the road as your readers have already noted. He is more the latter than the former in terms of self possession vs beta – our working theory is that he fell headlong into this because he was in a new city working brutal hours without close friends around.

I am staging an intervention imminently and will keep you posted. The red pill will be hard for him to swallow but its better to go down swinging.

Just inform him that there are hot 21 year old women he can meet just about anywhere who would swoon for his surgeon swagger. Once he knows that, tell him he needs game. Direct him to the resources at this blog. Rudimentary game is all it should take for a whole world of young, exquisite pussy to blossom before his eyes. It sounds like the beta is strong in this fellow, so his shift in attitude from a scarcity mentality to an abundance mentality will need to be swift and sure. Good news: the shift will fully reflect his real opportunity.

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A reader reaches out to the Chateau Lordship,

I could use your help. Actually, this is probably more in Athol’s domain, but his answer wouldn’t be as entertaining as yours and he might be kind of judgmental.

More judgmental than this blog? Impossible.

Two years ago I caught my wife of four years having an affair. At the time, I knew nothing of game… I was a Beta schlub. It was my broken-hearted “what do I do now” that led me to your website, which of course changed my life. I forgot about my self-pity and hit the gym. Then I bought some new clothes. I learned to play the guitar. Now when my wife mentions her former lover (she has contact with him through her job several times a year) the contempt for him is evident in her voice. Things between us are far, far better than I expected they would be at this point. But… (you knew there was a but, didn’t you?) there’s still something not quite right. Our sex is frequent but only “pretty good.” She is always willing to “put out,” but it’s, well, putting out. She doesn’t have the enthusiasm for my cock that she had when we were first together.

Sounds suspiciously like sedative sex — that is, the obligatory, unexciting sex that married women offer as Damegeld to their gelded provider husbands during the three weeks the wives aren’t ovulating. The purpose of this dreary sex is not to sate her desire but to soothe her husband’s anxiety and keep his cashmoney coming. It’s the “give the dog a bone” life history strategy.

I probably would have been happy with our sex life, but for one thing: I got a girlfriend.

:applause: :cool:

And the sex with my girlfriend makes me realize just what is lacking in the sex with my wife.

Self-reporting surveys (wink, wink GSSers, u know I luv youze no-homo-ly) which purport to show that married men get more sex than single men miss two very important confounding factors: the quality of that sex, and the variety of sex partners. Single men may have less regular sex than married men, but when the (alpha) single men do have sex, it’s volcanic. And a new adventure every time. Because no matter how much you love your wife, there will come a time when her snatch loses its sheen. This is the curse and blessing of being a (non-manboobed) man: never satisfied, always conquering. Or dreaming about conquering.

My GF, unlike my wife, is very enthusiastic. She swallows my cock like she’s starving. She fucks me like it’s the last fuck she’s ever going to get.

You are the alpha male to your girlfriend, and the beta male to your wife. More proof, as if any more was needed, that beta maleness and alpha maleness are largely contextual, and that marriage inexorably betatizes even the most alpha of men.

Maybe I should just be happy.

Take the honey and fun.

Have ‘duty sex’ with my wife, and fuck my girlfriend for fun.

Does that sound so bad? Traditionally, there was a tacit social expectation that husbands would avail themselves of sexual outlets in the downward spiraling years of their wive’s attractiveness, but that they would remain loyal and duty-bound to their wives regardless.

But it occurs to me that a little preselection and dread might ignite a fire in my wife’s pussy.

Like a boss.

I’m trying to figure out how to plant the idea in my wife’s mind that I might be having an affair.

You won’t need to plant any ideas of your threatening omnipresent desirability if your affair has been going on long enough. Even given a total lack of hard evidence, most wives have spidey-sense that guides them to the correct conclusion about cheating husbands. She will smell it on you, notice it in your gait, and hear it in the renewed firmness… of your voice. Not to mention, a husband getting his sack drained on the side generally doesn’t have much left over to service his contemptibly familiar wife. Ask yourself first if it’s *your* apathy that’s the cause of your uninspired marital sex life. If it is, and you sincerely want to reinvigorate your marriage, then you should think about dumping the mistress.

But if your wife is the one dragging her feet into the bedroom, then a program of dread will help enliven her lust. Dread is supposed to be a feint, a rope-a-dope. It’s not supposed to be a flare for a team of divorce lawyers. If you are actually balls deep in an affair, drawing attention to your second life is not what I would call a smart marital move. Not in this day and age.

Of course, since I am actually having an affair, I have to walk a fine line.

Yours is a strange scenario. Most men I know who are cheating on their lovers don’t need to go the extra mile to provoke anxiety and doubt about their fidelity. It’s all they can do to keep their affairs under wraps, and their primary partners in the dark. The dread is self-evident.

I want to give her enough of a suspicion to light a fire under her, but not so much that she hires a private investigator or starts hacking my email accounts. I want her to feel a bit of suspicion, without her actually getting enough evidence to confirm the suspicion.

Ok, I’ll give you some advice. But know that you’re flirting with distaster. Have you forgotten that there’s a third party involved? Your mistress might not stay wisely silent. Women have a devious tendency to “oopsie, I said something I shouldn’t have.” You can open the can of dreadworms but just make sure to cover your tracks. Your wife and your lover should not know anything important about each other, and should never be in the same zip code together. You wanna deal with bunny broilers?

What say you? Is this something that can be done? Or should I just be happy with wifely “duty sex” and wild girlfriend sex?

Readers will note that for purposes of discussion, I assumed this email was sincere. There is certainly a strong whiff of the troll about it, but it’s useful as a lesson for other men who are reading who may be in similar circumstance and aren’t lying about it.

Here’s my advice:

1. Track your wife’s ovulation cycle. (Won’t work if she’s on the Pill.)

You can learn a few things by doing this. Is her sex drive revved up with you during that glorious one week when her egg sojourns and she craves the cock? Then the rest of the time she might just feel anxious about her marriage, but at least she still feels raw attraction for you. You should consider that it’s a lack of your beta male reassurance that’s responsible for her withdrawal.

Worse, is she colder than usual during her ovulation? Then her attraction is waning, and she’s probably thinking about other men. You need to pump up the alpha.

2. If her sexual iciness is a result of her weakening attraction rather than her strengthening anxiety, then a dollop of dread will do the trick. “Accidentally” leave an email or IM account open, so that she will stumble across an anonymous message which you will hand craft to send from a dummy email account to sound like it’s from a woman who’s flirting with you, but who hasn’t yet received a reply or encouragement from you. If you’re worried about her hiring an investigator, then preempt her doubt. Don’t wait for your wife to confront you about the message. When you get home, exclaim, “Oh look at that, I left my email open. I bet you got an eyeful honey! Yep, you did. Any suggestions for dealing with a co-worker who’s got the hots for me? This chick won’t take no for an answer.”

3. The objective is to maintain your innocence while stoking your wife’s insecurity. This means the hints must be extremely subtle, (unless your wife is clinically retarded). A fan favorite is calling her from a busy place that has a lot of young women giggling in the background.

4. Don’t bother entangling your real mistress in this subterfuge. Too risky. But if you decide you want to taunt divorce theft, try an indentation of a condom on your wallet, sans condom. Or a tucked-away business card from your mistress (strictly business, you see). Or you can go the full Don Draper and take your wife to a social event where you know your mistress will be in attendance. Flaunt your wife, flirt with your mistress across trays of hor d’oeuvres. There’s just something very manfully satisfying about manipulating a quasi-harem in this way and cheating discovery.

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