Reader Mailbag: First Things First Edition

Email #1: A confused reader seeks advice on passing a putative shit test from a younger woman.

I have been trying to get this 23 year old and I am 38. I thought I had developed a good rapport w/ her and it seemed I had. I probably still make the mistake of being on the side of too nice. [ed: your gut instinct is usually right] Things were looking pretty good (I thought) and then she said that she had a boy story for me. I said, so tell me. [ed: high risk invitation to get LJBFed] She said it was a long story, and she did not have time, as she was just leaving work. My instinct said, fuck this, then and there. Why say this and then not talk? [ed: because it was a shit test you failed] However, I visited her the next day @ her work. [ed: why did you reward a recalcitrant girl with your company? and go out of your way to do it? you really lowered your value with this move]

Her short was, Her, a 23 yr old college grad found out that college professor in her dept, age 31 that she was recently “dating,” had an older girl over. 23 year old shows up @ his place. Then, later, 31 yr old professor shows up @ her apartment @ 4am and says he cares for/loves her. After telling me this story, I said, I am 38 and know how guys work like the back of my hand and the situation is exactly what it seems. [ed: you're falling right into her frame. why do you want to be a girl's romance counselor on how to handle badboys?] I then said, I want to talk to you about a situation too.  So, I said can I get your # and call & talk to you. She said, I am not really comfortable with that and don’ think it would be a good idea. WTF? [ed: wtf? i'll tell you wtf. she lost whatever interest was previously there.]

I was going to lay my intentions on the line honestly, objectively, but not needy. [ed: laying intentions on the line is beta and needy. ultimatums and heartfelt confessions don't work on girls you aren't already fucking] If she wanted to take a go fine, if not fine, I just wanted to tell her b/c life is short and happening now. [ed: girls never just "want you to tell them" your feelings of lust. they want you to flirt with plausible deniability. that is the way of the outcome independent man] I want to retaliate so bad and show her. [ed: ugh. so bad. so beta. she smelled it on you.] I used to get that “floaty and electric static feeling” around her, now that feeling has turned an “irritating white noise like feeling”. [ed: that's called sexual frustration] Please help me get some face back. [ed: face back for what? for you not eliciting enough desire in her so that she wants to fuck you? i don't see that she did anything to you that would merit a face-saving plan of attack. your best vengeance is to tighten up your game, meet a new girl, and parade her in front of this girl who rejected you] She can tell me about all about her story, and then is uncomfortable with me calling her. [ed: dude... that's what desirable chicks DO to hapless betas. only now, in the end, do you understand] WTF? Please advise.

Please read the editorial comments above. You don’t need advice. You need a soul adjustment. Your whole mentality oozes the repellent slurry of the needy beta. I’m not at all surprised she didn’t give you what you wanted.

Look, if you’re 38 and focusing on 23 year olds, you’ll have to do much better than this. Girls expect older men to be wiser in the ways of womanhood. That’s one of the main attractiveness drivers of the older man to younger women. It’s guys like you that really motivate me to put out a book so I don’t have to keep repeating the same axioms and game advice.

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Email #2 is from a reader who wonders where he stands with a girl giving indicators that she’s open to cheating.

I was hoping you could help me analyze a situation.

I met a girl at a coffee shop today. Objectively she’s about an 8. But I live in Bozeman Montana. The dearth of local talent makes that a 9-10 relative to what else is available.

We chatted for maybe an hour. She was plently flirty, and every time I put a compliance test out there she eagerly responded. For example I’d pause conversation for a minute or two and she’d re-initiate. After a story about back surgery I told her to stand up and turn around so I could see the scar. Followed by pulling down the back of her dress to see all of it. You get the general idea.

But maybe 10 minutes into the convo (before I started getting all this compliance) I was telling a story about when I was stationed in Germany. She told me that her boyfriend was currently stationed at the same base. I wasn’t sure if I believed he existed just yet (he does) but I also wasn’t actively hitting on her, so I took that as a sign to stay indirect.

Being a former military man myself, I’m not about to steal another soldier’s girl. But I also wasn’t about to give up for a boyfriend that may or may not exist in real life. So I kept talking. She never said anything explicitly (nor would I expect her to) but I got the impression that the distance was taking a toll on their relationship and I figured it was gonna end in the next few months.

As I was leaving, I handed her my laptop and told her to add me on Facebook. Admittedly not a good idea if you’re trying for immediate sex… but I can afford to wait a few months for their “relationship” to come to its inevitable implosion.

Here’s where things got really weird. She did add me. Then she told me that I’d find out anyways on her facebook… but she lied about the boyfriend. He’s actually her fiancee but she doesn’t wear a ring because she doesn’t like getting asked about being 19 and engaged.

I laughed, and told her if I was trying to get into her pants I would have stopped talking to her after she mentioned the boyfriend. (thinking this might have been a mistake). However she then gave me a kiss, and went back to her seat as I was leaving.

My read is that she’s willing to cheat on her fiancee (although I’m not), but she wants me to pursue her aggressively to make that happen. I think we’re probably headed for the friend zone and she’s destined for female wingman status.  Is that the same thing you see?

Before attending to this man’s particular game needs, allow me a moment of reflection on the current state of our culture:

It’s a bad sign for civilization when girls start feeling social pressure to hide their engagement rings from fear of being ostracized for getting married too young, or from a hidden desire to cheat on the down low. You could probably track a culture’s ascent and decline by the rate of engagement ring concealment.

All right, back to the business at hand. I think your read is correct, although there is a chance she was just enjoying your illicit flirty attention with no interest beyond that. The Facebook add is interesting. I don’t know too many engaged girls who would risk that kind of exposure by adding a potential lover, unless they didn’t see themselves actually going through with the tryst.

Your disqualification (when you said you wouldn’t continue talking to her after finding out about her BF) was probably neutral in its effect, and maybe even worked in your favor. I wouldn’t make too much out of that. The rest of your game seems pretty tight. Anyhow, this girl sounds like an attention whore. If you pursue aggressively, you have a shot at defiling her more than she’s already defiled herself. But will you be able to sleep at night, knowing you abetted the whoreishness of a girl engaged to a fellow soldier stationed overseas? I don’t ask this question lightly. I’ve been in your situation, and I’ve had a few pangs of guilt. But just a few. And they pass quickly.

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Email #3 is from reader “Maverick” who wants to know if girls always push for a no-sex date or series of no-sex dates after a one night stand or fling.

Thanks for the awesome site. It has gotten me laid with dozen hotties [ed: not two dozen? i'm losing my touch] and has completely changed my outlook on women (for the better, I hope – or at least for the real). It helped me choose the bachelor life and for the past 3 years have been the happiest for me. [ed: confirmed bachelors have never been happier than right now in this moment of time] However I noticed an emerging pattern. About half of the girls I laid, or maybe talked to for a while but then “forgot” about and later reunited, essentially wanted sexless dates. It’s almost as if they feel guilty for putting out and now want some sort of commitment right away. It pisses me off. I don’t mind doing things with girls outside the bedroom, but I have needs too and because getting laid is so easy now, I’ve been a little spoiled. It’s a recurring theme too. Let’s say I hung out with girl X for a month or two, very casually, then lost contact. Initiated contact again a few months later. She comes over, we hang out, however she wants commitment, or at least “no sex tonight”. Huh? How do I get around this? Or is it just one of those facts I have to accept? A girl with some nice fake ones who pulled this exact stunt on me last night is sleeping in my bed right now :/

Yes, what you are describing is colloquially known as “putting the dick back in the box”. Girls will do this — that is, they will begin to play hard-to-get — for two reasons: 1. they see you as boyfriend material and 2. they feel slutty for having slept with you, but still like you. You see, despite the protestations of feminists and the slut pride crowd to the contrary, girls subconsciously know their sluttitude is unattractive to men worth cornering into relationships. So they will pull back and guard the vagina to fool the man into thinking they would make good, faithful wives and mothers. But experienced men know better.

The way to get around this peculiar female instinct is to follow classic anti-slut defense game strategy. Agree with the girl, without really agreeing with her. That is, verbally assent to her pull back, while physically continuing to push for sex. If you get resistance the whole way, try a freeze-out, where you calmly and without a trace of spite, simply turn your back and occupy yourself with some other interest, like a video game or a book.

Whatever you do, NEVER let one of these pullback girls get the better of you. That means no sexless cuddling with them and no admittance to your bed without putting out. If necessary, tell an inordinately obstinate cocktease to leave your place so that you can get some decent shut-eye.

Maxim #29: Once a girl knows she can get sexless intimacy from you, she will curse you with that for as long as you allow it to happen.

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Email #4: A reader has a question about figuring out the timing of a girl’s ovulation cycle to tailor the appropriate degree of game response.

21-year old dude from Canada. Long time reader. Doubtless you’ve changed my life for the better. Your blog is easily my favourite (on the whole wide internets, dread/love being favourite posts). I find your writing style inspiring.

Anyway, trying to figure this (re: subject) out for the first time with the current main girl, from one of your posts in jan of this year. What I’m confused about is exactly how to apply it once you get an approximation for when she’s on the rag. Can you get ovulation it to more precise than ’7-12′ days after she’s off it? Is the effect of ovulation going to peak on a certain day?  From what I have (she just got on the pill, so effects will be muted, depends largely on the girl of course), she reports being more consistent (3 days on the rag, 13-16 June and 14-17 July, she expects the same august). For what it’s worth, she’s what one might call ‘shy’, has never done anal (‘saving it for marriage’ of course), so instead of convincing her, I’m introducing it under the radar or what have you and doing this to get a range of dates to try setting the mood and have it be an enjoyable, organic sexual experience for her. Advice along those lines would be much appreciated as well.

Perhaps a biologist better informed about these sorts of things could chime in here? From what I know, women can get pregnant throughout their fertility window, but the odds go way up during the two days or so that the egg is in transit, which falls toward the end of that week-long window. I don’t know if you can time her ovulation to better than 7-12 days after she’s done flooding her pants with her bloody stigmata.

I do like where your head is, though. If you’re going to do anal on a girl, the best time is during her ovulation, when her tingles will be oscillating most vigorously for the mass migration of your mass member. Anal sex is the demand of the cocky asshole alpha male, so you’d want to introduce this exhilarating aspect of your sexuality to her while she’s most receptive to it.

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Email #5: A reader who requested anonymity asked what he should do about male friends ogling his woman.

Thanks to your blog I was able to have a girlfriend, it used to be girlfriend(s) but academia got in the way and I lost the other 2. [ed: fuck academia!]

Anyways I am kind of new to the blog, I have only been following your blog for a year now so I am not sure if you covered this already; but how does one handle “male friends”? Of course my girlfriend is a pretty one and she gets attention from other men wanting to take her out and stuff. I understand that women needs orbiters, but should I continue my iron grip on my rule that she can’t hang out with them? How should I do this without looking like I see these men as a threat to my alphadom?

Male friends who hit on your girlfriend are no male friends at all. Doing so violates a man pact, and frees you to treat them like you would any male interloper who was a stranger to you.

Of course, you can tackle this unpleasantness by forbidding your girlfriend from fraternizing with your friends, but this is as liable to push her into their arms as it is to lock her down in your orbit. You ever see what kids do when their parents absolutely forbid them a sweet treat or a certain toy? They want it more than ever! At least with kids you can lock them in the basement. Can’t do that with a girlfriend.

A better way is, first, to refrain from perceiving flirtatious banter between your GF and your male friends where there may not be any; and, second, if you are convinced the flirty banter is real and not a figment of your insecurities, to play a little reverse psychology.

You: “Joe can’t keep his eyes off you!”

Her: “Joe’s not flirting with me!”

You: “Come to think of it, you two would make an adorable couple, like two puppy dogs begging for love.”

Her: “I would never date Joe.”

Joe: [chastened] “Never?”

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Email #6: A reader (troll alert) poses a supposed paradox.

Why do girls get off on attention from beta’s, be it in real life or online dating? I get repulsed when a fat chick hits on me and actually feel worse that she thinks she’s in my league. Why don’t women feel the same?

Women do get repulsed when betas hit on them. But they don’t get repulsed when betas shower them with harmless compliments or listen like good eunuchs to their boring complaints about their badboy lovers. Plus, fat chicks are INSTANTLY repulsive to men, because men are visually oriented; in contrast, beta males are not instantly repulsive to women, because women are attitudinally oriented. It takes a little more effort from the typical beta male to thoroughly repulse a woman. There’s your answer.

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Email #7: Testosteroney goodness.

Regarding your high t girls article.

I’m currently dating a weird specimen. She has man feature in her face (chin, jaw and facial hair) and manly shoulders. Yet she has also very feminine traits (very nice, wide hips and round ass, soft smooth beautiful skin, pulpeous lips, nice round breasts).

Could she be a high T and high oestrogene girl at the same time and whats your take on these girls?

As realtalkers will tell you, genetics and biology aren’t deterministic; they’re probabilistic. The girl with the manjaw and broad shoulders has a higher chance than the average girl of evincing male psychological traits, but it isn’t necessarily so. There’s nothing in the kingdom of biomechanics that precludes a manjawed girl from also possessing womanly hips and a feminine disposition.

We are only just beginning to unravel the blueprint of the human mind, so don’t expect pat answers that explain the origins of these sorts of accurate observational generalizations about men and women. We are still at the nexus of theory and evidence, and there’s bound to be shifting along this fault line for decades to come. Once we have pat answers, though, expect the reengineering to begin in earnest.

My own speculation is that it is possible for women to have both a high T hormonal profile and a highly feminine brain. Often, as I suspect is the case with sex changers, the mind and the body are at war with each other, having taken different paths due to some unusual prenatal hormonal or genetic broth. Thus, we see in the state of nature rare cases of feminine-looking women with manly desires and personalities and characteristics, and vice versa. But the rare cases do not refute the generalizations. In fact, they bolster them.

I’ll tell you something… if you enjoy lots and LOTS of aggressive, bed-shaking sex, you can’t go wrong with a feminine-looking girl who has been blessed (cursed?) with a male mind. Until she cheats on you.

ps “pulpeous lips”. lol.

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Reader Mailbag: Options = Instability

Reader Ramon asks:

So I’m chatting with my current stripper of the quarter and I ask her, “why do chicks dig jerks?”. Her take: “they grow out of it”.

Background On this girl – 28, divorcee, cock carousel until 24, fun but with interesting phobias. I’d call her a 6-7.

What’s your take on her comment?

I actually do think that girls “grow out” of digging jerks. Unfortunately for the niceguys of the world, that growth doesn’t occur until the late 20s for the typical woman, and later than that for very pretty (highly estrogenic) or very delusional (also highly estrogenic) women. So while women may grow out of digging jerks, men don’t “grow into” digging cougars. The niceguy, as always, is left with second-best (or one-thousandth worst).

Also, it’s important to define what we mean by “grow out of”. The definition is fluid depending on the options available to the woman who is claiming to be over jerks. A 28 year old, rode hard and tossed away wet, neurotic divorcée stripper — a chick who has likely opened her wormhole to a fleet of interstellar assholes — is going to have been so psychologically drill-pressed by her history of disappointments trying to nail down jerks for long term commitment that she may very well begin to gravitate to the sensitive ministrations of relatively doting men.

But then it won’t take more than a few weeks with a niceguy to remind her how much she viscerally desires the wrong kind of man.

So, what I’m getting at is this: a woman who has “grown out of” dating jerks is a woman who is too old, too crazy or grown too fat to appeal to the unruly jerks who truly excite her. Her limited options dictate her claimed preferences. Which is another way of saying she’s settling for niceguys. That’s an explanation of the thinking process of your aging stripper. Now, this is not the whole story; I suspect that age-related decreasing estrogen levels, coupled with a subconscious reappraisal of SMV caused by failure to either capture the attention of sexy jerks or to keep them around for very long, WILL objectively alter a woman’s dating preferences to some degree. Women do have two competing mating algorithms clashing for dominance within their psyches: the desire for fun sexytime and the desire for comforting providertime. When she is young and at her desirable prime, her sexytime id holds more of her cortical territory. When she is older and beginning to fade into sexual obsolescence, her providertime id battles back and claims victories, hoisting its banner of sour grapes.

tp;dc (too precise, didn’t comprehend): The hottest chicks dig the biggest jerks. Less attractive chicks dig jerks too, but can’t get them, so they pretend they don’t like them. Older women will be easier for niceguys to pick up. A minority of cute, young chicks genuinely adore niceguys, but there are too few of them to go around to satisfy the innumerable niceguy demand for them.

PS Beware the stripper who says she’s over assholes. You will be tempted to throw her a compliment or a cuddle, thinking she has illuminated the way to her poosay. You will be rebuffed. Your working assumption should be that any chick who claims to be over jerks is not over them at all, and has probably dated more jerks than girls who admit they like jerks.

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Anon pleads (probably too late):

Prom season is approaching. Any related game advice for the younger crowd? I know high school isn’t representative of the “real” dating/hookup scene, but there are similarities. Any tips?

Smile mischievously, and pin the corsage directly over her boob. Not kidding. Worked for me. If corsages are out, have two flutes and a bottle of champagne waiting for her in your car (or the limo, if the driver is down with underage drinking). Dance with another girl, and make sure your date sees it. Smoke outside, come back in reeking of it. Keep a flask of bourbon and a condom in your jacket pocket, and be sure the outline of the condom shows through. And, as always, remember that this is the time of life when girls’ asses will never be tighter; take post-coital pictures for a masturbation photo album when you are elderly! God, I love good, old-fashioned American traditions.

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Rhett wonders:

I was wondering if a girl says she loves you way too early , would this be considered beta bait? I haven’t spent much time with this chick, i banged her the first night i met her and twice since discounting sex iv only spent about ten hours with her.

Not necessarily. Read her face when she says it. You should be able to tell the difference between a sincere expulsion of loving tribute to your alphaness and an insincere shit test. However, do note that EVEN IF her “I love you” is sincere, it could still serve as a subconscious shit test for her, in that if you answer “I love you too” right back, you could unknowingly give her way too much hand so soon in your new relationship. Since you’ve only spent ten hours with her, I suggest a cocky reply is in order. Make a finger gun and wink at her while saying “Right back atcha.” Gauge her response. Does she giggle? You nailed it. Does she seem on the verge of tears? Wrap her up in a hug and tell her you love spending time with her, and you can’t wait to see where it leads.

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B. writes:

Have you seen the new HBO show ‘Girls’?  Writtten by a young woman who is also the star, the series starts with a young woman’s life bottoming out:

1. Parents cut off her income
2. Loses her internship at a publishing house
3. Boyfriend loves her too much

I’m serious.  To describe the nightmare situation for a young woman today, she shows a girl whose boyfriend never stops being nice to her.  And her friend even makes fun of her for it.

Thanks for making my life better,
B.

No, I haven’t seen it, but I may have to, since it’s been the talk of the town lately, and besides, there have been claims that the chick writer(s?) has cribbed a lot of ideas off of Le Chateau Heartiste. Hence, the supposed realism of the show. I’ll save an analysis for a future post.

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Customer Service writes about a game tactic which involves pretending to be your ex-girlfriend to make prospects jealous and, hence, horny for your deviant love:

I moved back in with my parents and I started lying about my living situation because too many vaginas sealed up.

I started telling girls that I lived with my ex girlfriend and couldn’t move out because she was still in love with me.  Ergo sex at the girls’ places.  Bingo. Proceed.

However, I need a way to keep my leads warm so I tried this exchange on two cold girls [where I] pretend my ex gf finds my phone.

… out of the blue, after regular texting game …

me:  ”hey, how do we know each other”

… silence or no response …

me: 2 mins later, “where did we meet”

… by this point the girls start to clue in that it’s not me on the other end and they’ll reply with something short ….

me:  ”this is Tim’s ex girlfriend, i want you to know that I am still in love with him, stay away from him, he doesn’t love you”

… the one girl I used this line on responded by saying OK…

me: (to both girls) “did you sleep with him?”

… I didn’t bang these girls, one responded with a smiley face and the other cold lead said, “he’s your ex now, so relax”,  NOT ONE GIRL DENIED SEX.

What do you think of this game tactic?  I haven’t decided how to follow up with this scenario.

Wow. All’s I gotta say is, this is gold, Jerry! That is, it’s gold for finding out how manipulative and devious girls can be when their jealousy is incited by a bit of the ol’ ultrapreselection. I assume, since you didn’t mention it, that you hadn’t slept with these two girls you were texting while impersonating your ex-gf; therefore, the fact that neither one denied make-believe sex with you says two things about the female id:

1. they love the idea of being the “other woman”, and

2. they are DTF.

Chicks come born with a preinstalled harem mentality which can be triggered the moment they realize they are in the company of a man who keeps the company of multiple women. The typical woman is psychologically equipped to transition into concubinage with an alpha male if her buttons are pushed in the right order. Your “impersonating ex-gf” game tactic appears to have done that. It’s a total mindfuck, and for that, I award you:

Le Chateau Heartiste VIP (Very Important Player) entry to the Scarlet Room. (Bring cat-o’-nine tails.)

But how about your game tactic as a means of getting closer to sex with your prey? It’s gets a little trickier here, because you’ll have to be careful about slipping up and tipping your hand. But you’ve got valuable inside info on your two prospects; the image of having sex with you has been self-planted in their heads, and you come to them a proven commodity: the man whose ex-gf is so crazy jealous in love with him she stalks his phone for interlopers. To put it bluntly, you come pre-DHVed.

I suggest the next time you want to meet either of them, ignore what went down when you were stealing the identity of your fake ex-gf and proceed as if everything is normal. Wait for them to bring it up. When they do, say something like “Yeah, my ex is nuts. Thinks we’re still gonna get back together. Gotta put a lock on my phone.”

PS I wouldn’t say you can’t move out because your ex is still in love with you. That doesn’t sound plausible. Explain instead that you and your ex split the rent and it makes sense financially for you to live together for a little while longer, until you’re sure she has her life in order and can afford her own place. This fake explanation has the added benefit of hitting that “protector of loved ones” button that all girls possess.

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A Testament To The Power Of Game

Reader Sidewinder writes the following:

Last night I banged the highest quality girl to date. 21, petite, model, easily orgasmic…somewhere in that 8-9.5 range where any difference in rating is merely a matter of opinion. I’m a 35 year old attorney, recently divorced, 2 kids, balding, medium height, slender build…pretty fucking average.

I won’t waste your time with the entire seduction (which took 2 months, yet the 7 hour rule still held). I am fairly confident that last night would not have happened without the knowledge I have gained from reading your blog. This girl threw shit tests at me on a near daily basis for over a month. And when I passed all the tests and had near flawless rapport with her on 2 dates, she wouldn’t even kiss me at the end of the date (even though there was a lot of touching, hand-holding, etc.). She flaked on one date, and rejected me on another date request. So what changed? What were the keys to success?

1.        Persistent frame maintenance. I never whined, complained, asked, pleaded… I always acted congruent with the reality that I am a high-value male worthy of her sexual interest. While it was never said, she knew that “let’s just be friends” would not be an acceptable way of dealing with me. And I always moved forward, never afraid to tease, touch, flirt. No attempt to backtrack to try to avoid a rejection or give myself an out.

2.       Negs. Even though she is very attractive, she has a warm approachable personality, so I calibrated to a teasing form of negging. No cutting negs, except as described below at 5.

3.       Freeze out. After a month of flirting, dates, but no sex, I stopped giving her attention. This drove her crazy and resulted in increased texts and emails from her.

4.       Gamed other girls. While freezing her out, I continued talking to other girls, banging one of them. She didn’t know about this, but this bird in the hand mentality gave me strong inner game in dealing with the hotter girl.

5.       Destroyed/preempted her ultimate shit test – while I was ignoring her, she sent the following beta bait: “A girl hit me last night. I don’t know what to do”. I completely ignored this. This pissed her off and she demanded to talk a couple days later. I told her at the last minute she could come out and meet me at a restaurant I was already at after work (a greasy hole in the wall that she had previously told me she hated). She shows up, pissed to even be there and started fishing for emotional support which I ignored. Then she tried to guilt trip me about not being a caring person and listed all the ways I’m “not as great as you think you are.” At that point, having banged the other girl the night before, I didn’t give a shit so I told her the truth: I didn’t respond to her text because her “girl fight” was embarrassing for her, not something she should broadcast or that I would ever be involved with. I told her she needed to grow the fuck up. She looked at the wine in her hand and thought about throwing it on me, but instead got up, yelled at me and stomped out of the place. But she really didn’t leave…she waited outside for me to come out…we ended up having a good conversation. She wanted to come over but I told her I was tired.

6.       The days following this, she turned a complete 180. Pleasant, accommodating, openly interested in hanging out. Last night she came over, with her overnight stuff (I didn’t invite her to spend the night), watched a movie, no drama whatsoever, sex after a fair degree of last minute resistance and she stayed over. But it was good resistance, the “I don’t want to fuck this up with you” kind of resistance.

While we were laying in bed after sex, she was talking about why she wanted to be with me and she said “You are really honest with me, even when I don’t want to hear it. No guy is ever honest with me. They just tell me what they think I want to hear.” I know you don’t put a lot of stock into what women have to say about game, or what they think they want, but this girl is very intelligent and self-aware.

Unbelievable how difficult this was, though. It was like trying to land a marlin in a kayak, or break a wild horse. And odds are good I’ll slip up or get out-gunned eventually by a higher quality guy. But I’m fairly confident I would never have even got my first drink with her prior to finding this blog, much less navigating the minefield she laid out.

Some men found Fortune 500 companies. Some men split the atom. I help guys get laid with hot babes. Ask yourself, who’s really bringing more happiness into the world?

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Reader Mailbag: Chump A Hump Edition

Do women engage in the female version of pump and dump? A reader describes:

I learned something new: the pity date. It’s when the girl relents and goes out with a guy she has no attraction for. It’s the female version of pump and dump. Alphas go out with girls they don’t care for, but at least get sex out of it. There’s no sex on a pity date.

I’ve known plenty of women who went on dates with guys they never seriously entertained as sexual prospects. You pick up lots of insight into the female condition when you become part of their in-group, either through massive social proof or long-term dating of one of their friends. And, yes, women do the equivalent of the male pump and dump; they will date “practice men” for their nonsexual attention, just like they will string along beta orbiters for their emotional support. Women who date unwitting suckers and have no intention of banging them — call it ‘chump a hump’, or ‘stroke a dope’ — are typically women who haven’t dated in a long while, are horribly narcissistic, and need a man to dote on them. Most women at most times, though, won’t date men under false pretenses. There’s too much risk to a woman, both in lost time and unpredictable male reaction, to make that kind of investment with no promise of romantic fulfillment.

***

A reader wonders about game saturation.

Will playing the White-Knight ever become optimum strategy with women?
Consider that the concepts of Game/Being a cocky jerk are pretty well known among most healthy 20-35 year old guys; will the ‘edge’ that Game theoretically provides be eroded over time?

My purpose in life is to trade the financial markets and parley a small amount of money in to a fortune. When a given strategy is employed by the masses, any edge that it may once have provided is destroyed… running counter to the crowd might actually present the greatest opportunity.

White knighting is not a totally hopeless beta male strategy. Some tomboys and fully inculcated feminists appreciate it and will reward these men with the honor of licking their clits. A woman who has been dumped by one too many asshole boyfriends will sometimes veer wildly into the arms of a heavily emoting mangina and reward his months of “being there for her” with a gentle moment of anhedonic intimacy, which quickly reminds her how much she misses the less gallant ministrations of jerks. And of course, women past their primes or never in their primes — fugs, fatties, cougars, single moms — who can’t get a sexy man to commit to them to save their lives, will respond to their limited sexual marketplace options by opening up to the possibilities of dating herbly betas. This is why 35 year old tubbos are the most insistent about not dating jerks; they are the women least able to secure a jerk’s attention.

As far as game losing its theoretical edge, it won’t happen. Sure, a few benumbed routines or negs which have made the rounds will occasionally incite backlash from a hottie, but the theory and general strategy of game will never get old, much the same way a pretty face, perky tits, and firm, round ass will never get old with men. When innate, largely immutable sexual desire is properly satisfied, it never seeks inferior means of satisfaction.

***

This reader wants to know the limitations of vulnerability game.

I was a shy, nerdy kid who got picked on in junior high. I’m 33 now and am not carrying any baggage from those days, but would you tell a woman you were dating about your nerdy past, even if you’re over it?

On one hand, I would think that bringing it up and joking about it demonstrates confidence she would find attractive. But a lot of women spend their lives endlessly recreating their teenage dramas, and nobody wants to think they got stuck with the class geek. Thoughts?

If I were a guy with a nerdy past, I would bring it up only if there was an opportunity to capitalize on it, such as the scenario where easing a girl’s insecurity about my unattainability were an issue. To be honest, the best game resides in talking about (or acting in) the present and the future. Discussions about the past tend to get bogged down in beta sentimentality and quickly become boring for the girl since she wasn’t there with you when all those things happened.

Comfort building does normally require some talk about your past, and verbally demonstrating higher value through stories is tough without resorting to past experiences. A good way to contextualize your nerdy past to maximize its attractiveness potential is to frame it so that you are a worldly, sexually experienced adult man who fondly recalls his clumsy puppy crushes and how little you knew about women then that you know now:

“It’s funny, but even though I know so much about love now, there was a time when I had no wisdom about women. I was kind of nerdy and would have these awkward puppy crushes on the beautiful popular girls — while totally ignoring all the nerd girls who liked me! — and bravely go up to them saying the stupidest things. A part of me misses that time of life when I was innocent and naive. Now I know too much.” [HEAVY SIGH]

I would avoid talking at all about the bullies who picked on you in high school. That’s just own-goal DLV, man. No need to go down that road.

***

Help is on the way!

Any techniques or maneuvers that will allow me to pull or bag some cougars/milfs? im clueless as to if the general rules of game apply when trying to get with women that are atleast 10 years older than me. Im 21 by the way.

Yes. Show up.

Hahahaha! I keel myself!

What’s that, you say? That’s not the answer you were looking for? Ok. A more serious reply.

Women generally don’t like to date younger men, although the more romantically miserable of them do occasionally entertain the idea of fucking them. Women are wired to desire male status, and older male age is one component of that status. However, a certain type of highly-charged, libidinous, high T cougar wholly in love with her former glory will relish the deflowering of a younger man. As Ben Franklin admonished a younger male acquaintance: “and lastly, they are so grateful!”

So, some ground rules.

1. Be confident. Contrary to popular perception, an older woman does not want to feel like a mother hand-holding a stuttering dweeb. She wants to be desired and pursued by a horny man.

2. Run the same game on older women as you do on younger women (with one minor exception). A woman’s sexuality doesn’t radically change with the advent of years. Does a man’s penis change with years to bestir for ugly women? No.

3. Realize that older women, no matter how much they protest, subconsciously know that their value has diminished. This makes them less judgmental of your errors and more open to less-than-ideal romantic possibilities. Constantly remind yourself of this and you will have no trouble keeping your confidence high around them.

4. The one exception is that older women are less tolerant of asshole game, inconsiderate behavior, or player vibes. Not because they don’t desire these things in men, but because they know that such men are almost unattainable for them and least likely to commit in any form to them. As a woman ages, she tends to become more accepting of beta male behavior. Buy an older woman a drink and, unlike her younger competition, she just might reward you with her… ahem… vigorously hewn vulva.

5. Under no circumstances should you bring up the age difference. Act like it means nothing to you. If she brings it up, reframe. Tell her she’s actually a bit young compared to the women you normally see. She’ll know it’s a lie but she’ll eat it up nonetheless. Lie to me, I promise I’ll believe…

***

Picking up the hostess with the mostess.

I have been reading the blog for awhile now and firmly believe it’s the best out there. Great work!

There is a situation at a restaurant near my house that is of concern. This restaurant is within walking distance of my house, so my roommates and I frequent often. I recently met at hostess/drink running girl. The first time I met her (as she was walking by with drinks), she smiled, I immediately opened her, we had nice/short platonic conversation. She had to go run drinks out (she said she would be right back) but I wasn’t going to stay and wait so that was that.

A week later we are back in the restaurant and she is working the hostess stand. I go up (pretending to forget her name) and start another conversation. This one is longer and more personal. She is asking me a lot of personal questions. The conversation ends when a customer comes up and asks for a ‘to go order.’ She again says that she will be back, I again leave.

2 weeks later we are back at the same restaurant eating dinner (we are known regulars there, so I am stalking). She brings out our drinks to the table and says hi. We finish up eating, pay the bill and begin exiting. I told my friend to meet me outside. I went up the girl and told her:

Me: ‘I want to see you outside of this place’
Her: ’I have a boyfriend’
Me: ‘I have a girlfriend’
Her: ‘I’ll be right back’ (at this point, I am pretty frustrated with her flightiness but I’ll wait for a sec since I see that she is delivering drinks and will be right back)

She straight back over.

Me: ‘You cant have friends?’
Her: ‘Keep coming in and we will see what happens’

That was it. Haven’t been back in since. I don’t want to orbit this girl but I definitely know that she is interested, boyfriend or not. I cant really avoid the place because they have great food/drinks and my roommates always want to go. I know getting familiar with the help at restaurants is the way to go (I’ve been successful in the past) but I am sorta unsure with this one. Any advice would be much appreciated.

I like the boldness of your final push and the reframe of her BF aversion, but I think there was too much platonic chit chat on previous days you talked to her, and the boldness might have come across incongruent to her, like a last ditch effort when all else has failed. Your game here comes perilously close to “Surprise! I have a penis!” anti-game.

Leaving aside for the moment that she actually has a boyfriend (a claim that is either belied when she titillated you with her suggestion to “keep coming in and we’ll see what happens”, or evidence of her poor, cockteaser character), I think she has put you in a spot where every time you go back you will be perceived as dancing to her tune. Not the stuff great seductions are made of.

My advice to you would be to ignore her the next time you’re in her restaurant. She sounds like the type of girl who likes to flirt with men and fill them with hope. To neutralize that, make her hamster go warp speed. Go out of your way to flirt with another girl or another waitress so that she sees it. Bring a date there, or a female friend willing to act as your pivot.

If you wish to be more direct than that, you could attempt to reengage her on terms more favorable to a sexual outcome. “I’m afraid I have to take back my offer. My mom said I’m not allowed to date waitresses.”

Of course, she really could be down to fuck, but I’d only be able to know if that’s the case for sure by observing her body language as she’s interacting with you.

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Reader Mailbag: Oh Poppa I’m In Fear For My Life Edition

Email #1: Daddy issues and the beta son

I grew up with alot of women around me and no father, which makes it harder for me to be an ass to women but at the same time im able to detect alot of bullshit and dodge it ever so elegantly, im pretty sure there are some studies on this, maybe write something about that? lack of male figure in growing up??

This is a difficult subject simply because it’s so hard to disentangle confounding variables in any causal relationship between parental influence (or lack of influence) and the future betatude of sons. What we do know: the bastard spawn of single moms grow up with lower chances at a successful life and higher chances of dysfunction. Now whether this is primarily because biological father absence causes kids to fail at life, or because the deadweight of single moms are genetically prone to failure, or a mix of both, is open for debate. In that spirit of caution, I’ll rely on my bird’s-eye-view impressions of father-son dynamics:

- A boy who grows up in a female-centric, fatherless home is most likely to burst forth from his rotted, disfigured chrysalis a self-destructive omega male. Too much female influence will render him utterly unprepared to acknowledge real female nature. He won’t learn from his mistakes, and he’ll suffer from the bad advice of his mother and sisters. That said, there is a minority of these robbed boys who grow into thugs and ruffians, treating women like shit and learning the dangerous lesson (dangerous for society that is) that chicks dig jerks, so why not give ‘em more of what they crave. These boy usually wind up behind WaWa huffing paint.

- A boy who grows up with a cowardly beta father — the kind of father who bends to the will of the mother every time — will either learn to mimic his father’s ineptitude with women, or he will be so thoroughly repulsed by his father’s weakness that he veers in the opposite direction. My observation is that most boys with beta fathers grow into betas themselves. Nature, nurture, take your pick; result is the same.

- Boys who grow up with faithful, strong alpha fathers typically become alpha themselves, but a minority react to their fathers’ overbearing presence and unreachable standard by turning to the fap side of mincing betatude as a sort of protest lifestyle to rationalize their failing vis a vis their fathers’ success.

- Boys who grow up with asshole-ish, abusive, unfaithful alpha fathers don’t fall far from the tree when it’s their turn to navigate the mating market. However, a minority of these boys grow up totally renouncing their masculinity because they suffered under the burden of their fathers’ masculine intensity. Shrieking feminist manginas are birthed from this type of family cauldron more often than you’d think.

The reader says that growing up in a female-centric family has allowed him to detect typical female bullshit and dodge it when he sees it coming. I don’t disbelieve his personal experience, but in reality I don’t see many fatherless sons in female-run families learning the ropes about women. It seems to be more often the case that the boy immersed in a female world has the ball juice squeezed out of him, as mom and sis and aunt try to mold him into a caricature of what they think women want instead of what women really like.

***

Email #2: Realtalk

I’m going to all CPAC with my video camera. Since I take inspiration from your blog, I figured I’d ask you if there were any questions/topics you or the readers wanted me to ask the speakers attendees.

If you DO post this to the blog, please don’t use my name…but if I post the video on youtube everyone would know who I am anyway. Eh..

I’ll assume that CPAC is the acronym for “Conservative Political Action Conference”. Any readers want to take a stab at this? Could be interesting to compile a list of Chateau-influenced questions to dispense at a moment’s notice during any political conference or book signing. At the very least, it would be funny to see speakers frozen with fear trying to answer questions that deviate from the usual banal script.

How about this: “Why do you think the elites who control national discourse are so adamant about importing a second underclass?”

Or: “Alternate sexual outlets lower the incidence of rape. Isn’t this a good reason to legalize prostitution?”

Or: “Isn’t it time we get the government out of the business of subsidizing academia?”

***

Email #3: Hindbrain über alles

OK, Dr. Evolutionary Sociobiologist, WHY?

1. Because women who have had kids have fulfilled their prime directive.

2. Because men become more beta and domesticated within the comfy confines of a relationship.

3. Because older women have lower sex drives.

That should about cover it.

***

Email #4: If it was that easy, everyone would do it

I’m a 21 year old male. I have considered the possibility of starting a career in fucking girls on the side while I study. I’d get sex from at least average looking young girls (I can choose my clients) and get payed. I wouldn’t have many clients or get any serious dough, but everything is a plus.

The only negative thing I can think of is how boys and girls would react to this if they got to know. Would I ever be able to get pussy from a girl if she knew I had worked as a “man whore”?

What would be the best possible use of words to describe male prostitution? Any advice regarding this topic is appreciated.

This email recalls a study I once read in which attractive men and women approached college-aged members of the opposite sex and asked if they wanted to fuck. Something like 99.9% of the women declined, and three quarters of the men readily agreed to the terms. A starker contrast of the biological differences between the sexes would be hard to find.

Getting from “the possibility of starting a career as a paid gigolo” to “actually having a career as a paid gigolo” is a challenge not to be underestimated. If the stories are true, most gigolos are physically fit gay men who service middle-aged housewives for cash and prizes. Sound like a fun lifestyle? Yeah, I suppose it could be if you ameliorate the disgust of boffing undesirables by having a hot girlfriend waiting at home for you after a long day’s work. But if you think that your job will be mostly getting paid in regular installments by hot young chicks of your choosing for the privilege of bouncing up and down on your cock, well… let’s just say your game would have to be tighter than a virgin’s rusty starfish to pull that off.

But I’m a generous man, so for the purposes of this post, I’ll take you at your word that you can pull this fantasy lifestyle no problem and that you aren’t a troll. To answer your questions, “boys and girls” would react with equal parts envy, consternation and curiosity. That’s a good combination of reactions to elicit from peers if banging and high social status are your goals. And not only would you still be able to pull pussy if word got out about your manwhoring, but you’d pull more than ever. As long as it wasn’t discovered you were a manwhore to rich elderly widows.

The best way to describe your job as a gigolo to potential dates is like this: “I bring happiness and joy to lonely housewives who have forgotten what it’s like to be loved and adored by a man.” Pass the Kleenex.

***

Email #5: Don’t leave us hanging

Just so you know, I ended up fucking Kristanna Loken, despite the fact that she just got engaged. If you want to know the story, let me know.

Why bother asking this question when you already know the answer? Of course, the readership would like to know how you bagged Kristanna Loken.*

*Judgment of trollery suspended until response received and plausibility analyzed.

***

Email #6: Hardcore asshole texting

Here’s a text message exchange between me (41) and a gold-digging girl (27, former “9″ but now a “7″ heading downward) who I struck out with and wrote off a month ago.  How would you critique my reaction?  You can publish it; I opened this e-mail account only to send this message.

Da fuck. I laughed reading this. It reads like an exasperated parent humoring a retarded child. There’s a game lesson there.

I’m confused about something, though. Did this emailer strike out before or after this text exchange? I’m trying to figure out if this text was successful in bringing her back into the fold, or if this is why he struck out with her. It seems from the nature of the texts that they have some familiarity with each other.

Anyhow, on a scale of effectiveness, I grade this text exchange a B-. It’s adequately cocky and dismissive, but the teasing comes across a little too strong-armed, almost nasty. The asshole needs to be leavened with a little more amused humor so that he doesn’t risk pushing her away by seeming unattainable or spiteful.

Also, and this is a relevant complaint, the ending of the text exchange sounds try-hard. Pushy. He lost his flirty edge there at the end. Yeah, he’s being cocky, but he’s also pushing harder for some kind of sexual resolution, and she isn’t biting. In fact, his barely concealed motive and slight vibe of anti-flirty gloominess (“I don’t love anyone at this hour”) triggers a series of shit tests from her (“ok, sorry! goodnite!”, “ok, tell her u need a bj!”, “yeah!”) which he does not properly handle. These last replies by her are not indicative of a woman in chaser mode; she is clearly back in the chased mode, and that is not a good mode for a girl to be in if you want to bang her.

The power trajectory shifted after his “I don’t love anyone at this hour” text. A better reply to her would have been:

TARDGIRL: So u don’t love me anymore? I was dreamin bout u baby!

HIM: I bet you were.

This opens the conversation up for more flirting and a possible fuck close.

Here’s a good rule of thumb about texting girls: your replies should get shorter, not longer, as the text conversation length increases. This way, you make it seem like you are investing less into the interaction as time passes, and she is investing more. The person who invests less receives more sexual dividends. In the emailer’s case, his text replies start off short (good) and end up longer than the girl’s (bad). It leaves the impression of frantically struggling at the end for that hail mary pass at sex.

But perhaps I’m splitting hairs. As text exchanges go, this one is better than 99% of the shit that betas mire themselves in. One shouldn’t let perfection be the enemy of good. If the emailer is reading, let us know if you managed to bang this mentally challenged chick. And if she swallowed.

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Reader Mailbag: Surfeit Of Flushed Nethers Edition

This was a good selection of reader questions, mostly because the questions were short and to the point. Lesson: If you want your question featured in CH’s ‘Reader Mailbag’, you’ll have a better shot if it’s tidily under one paragraph in length. (No run-on sentences, please.)

Email #1

Can you talk about circumcision and your thoughts on its effects on the male brain?  My theory is that circumcised men jerk off less and are therefore more productive whereas guys with foreskins have an easy time jerking off (never need to use lube).  I’d love your thoughts on this and possible correlating the decline of America to the decline of American male circumcision.

Circumcision is a barbaric practice, a close cousin of clitoridectomy. Civilized peoples should outlaw it. Instead, it continues to be de rigueur in large swaths of the population. The arguments for it are nonsensical.

1. “It doesn’t affect sexual pleasure”

Yes, it does. The foreskin is loaded with nerve endings and is ranked the most pleasurable part of the penis by men who still have it intact. Removal of the foreskin even reduces women’s sexual pleasure during intercourse.

2. “Circumcision reduces the chance of infection, particularly AIDS”

The persistence of this myth is belied by the available evidence. Even among gay men, for whom circumcision is most recommended as a protection against AIDS and other STDs, the evidence is scant that circumcision provides a protective benefit. Think about this from an evolutionary perspective for a second: if intact foreskin was a high risk for infection, how did it ever evolve? Clearly, the foreskin is not the bogieman some faint-hearted doctors would have you believe.

3. “Women think an uncircumcised penis looks ugly”

First, what women think of the aesthetics of the penis is all over the map. I have heard a thousand different opinions on this subject from women. Second, what does it matter what chicks think of your dong’s look? I’m sure some African tribal chieftains somewhere think girls’ vaginas look ugly with all that labia and clit in the way, so they cut it off. Does that make it right?

The reader does introduce a compelling puzzle. Circumcision likely reduces the sensitivity of the penis head (glans) because the head is exposed to the elements and other sorts of friction on a continual basis, which it would not be if it were sheathed behind foreskin. So it’s interesting to muse whether circumcised men masturbate less than intact men who are more sensitive to every movement their penises make. If so, it could be plausibly argued, as this reader does, that circumcised men divert more of their energies to non-sexual productive pursuits that benefit society.

We’ll call this the Chateau Heartiste® Theory of Circumcision and Civilizational Progress™.

Email #2

I was wondering what your views are about guys that are below average height? How do they overcome the heightist attitude 99% of all women have. One is automatically disqualified as an attractive guy or romantic interest because of shorter stature.

I am 5″8 myself. This might not sound really short, but I live in the Netherlands. The average male height here is over six feet.

Thanks, love your posts.

How do short guys overcome women’s bias for taller men? Hit on shorter women than themselves.

I’m not really kidding. Target selection is an important part of pickup. Screening girls for likelihood of falling under your charms is smart game. If you find yourself surrounded by tall men, go somewhere else.

Of course, it goes without saying that even a handicap like shortness can be overcome with game, but it will be harder for you than it would be for a taller man. Not that I should have to regale you with anecdotes to prove my point, but one of the greatest players I’ve ever known was an unusually short man topping out at around 5’4″. One of his keys to success? He avoided nightclubs where tall men would tower over him, and focused on online pickups. Also, perfect your alpha body language; little things can go a long way to influencing women to overlook your shortness.

By the way, 5’8″ is not that short in the USA. I believe the average male height here is 5’9″, so you would not be working from any major disadvantage if you moved out of the Netherlands. But the Dutch are the tallest people in the world, so your height will be relatively runty there. I suggest a trip to a Congolese pygmy tribe to boost your ego and jumpstart your game. I hope you like chicks who can helicopter and rest a case of beer on their buttocks while standing.

Email #3

Dear Chateau,

With deep and abiding respect, I humbly ask for some help. I am overweight and poor. I think it is the overweight that gets to women more. I simply cannot get a date. I do not have women in my social circle currently, and dating sites are dead to me. I do not wish to be burdened with another man’s devil spawn, so I stay away from the single moms. I am 26 and still a virgin. If you can help me in any other way than berating my sorry ass on your website please let me know. I would be willing to pay you for your time and effort, as much as my paltry salary allows.

Salut,

Lonely Chubby Man

Dear LCM,

Good news! Your fatness is hurting your love life more than your poverty, but luckily, slimming down is easier than cashing up. I’ll keep it simple: squat, deadlift, bench and work your core three times per week, 30 minutes each session. Run wind sprints every other day in the park until you are out of breath. Reduce your grain and sugar intake by 70%. Substitute with more meat, fish, nuts, berries and vegetables. You should also consider avoiding beer. For the love of god, stay the fuck away from soda.

Nest step: read Le Chateau archives. You will find plenty of game advice, as well as links to other game resources, here. Learning game is as important as, maybe more important than, carving the fat from your obese frame.

Do these two things and I guarantee you will see improvement in your interactions with girls. If you can’t, or won’t, follow these recommendations, then get comfortable living out your years in grinding celibacy. Your willpower depends a lot on how much you truly value getting your dick wet. You’d be surprised how many men value food, sloth, laziness and self-pitying despair more than sexual pleasure with cute chicks.

26 is still young. You have plenty of time to right your ship. Remind yourself of this every day. Better yet, imagine a CH proprietor barking it to you like a constipated drill sergeant. Live one-on-ones are generally avoided by the staff, but if the price is right…

Email #4 (wall of text alert)

Hello, Thanks for your insight on game. Been reading the site the last few weeks. Im 21 girlfriend 20. I went alpha on my girlfriend, agreed and amplified all her shit tests when she wanted to ‘talk’ about how we’d been shaky lately. She got mad saying i dont care about her and that she was going to give a new guy a chance.

One of her texts: “As much as i want you i realize I really dont need you. The beautiful difference bw wants and needs. I’m striving to get over you. It’ll be a challenge but someone will treasure me”. She went on texting me things like this, i replied with lol and told her to send me a sexy picture, basically ignoring her long texts. She then texted “Ask ur other girlfriends for a pic. I’m sure theres a waiting list. Im going to actually give this new guy a chance. This is me being honest. I know you dont give a fuck but no need to hide it.”

i replied with another lol and said i was waiting on the picture. She didnt reply 3 days later(my birthday) she texts me “happy birthday!”. I dont respond, she calls a few hours later saying she wasnt sure if i got her text and wished me happy birthday. I said aloofly ok thanks. She nervously said ok thats all and i hang up.

Then that night she texts me some bs about my mom being funny on facebook “Your mom is soo funny”. I havent replied to it… Overall i think she reacted to my new non caring behavior by threatening me with all her long emotional texts to see if i would bitch up and say sorry like i have for the past 2 years. Im a tall good looking guy and handled our relationship well until recently when i stumbled across this site and realized why she began to withdraw from me a little. Personally i think shes waiting for me to come around and say sorry and try to get in her new graces but i really dont know how to take it from here. How should i reply to these texts? Also i remember reading that when a girl professes how much shes over you and wants to move on shes never been more into you…

So with that said, if ive been playing it right, she’ll come around and say shes made a mistake and that she wants things to be like before and what not. In which case id act aloof, and that its no big deal. Maybe even milk it a little and make her feel real bad. But im thinking it may take a few more days because shes not use to this uncaring reaction out of me. Once she realizes im serious she’ll hopefully be back. What do you think?

How long have you been seeing your “girlfriend”. If she’s saying she wants to “give a new guy a chance” after only two weeks with you, then I think you are dealing with a crazy attention whore slut you’d be better off excising from your life. You can bet pretty good money that when a chick says she wants to give a new guy a chance, she’s already giving a new guy a chance.

I consider words like that from a girlfriend to be either incredibly transparent, blunt force shit tests, or confessions of infidelity. In your case, based on follow-up emails and texts she sent you, it sounds like she’s shit testing and fishing for a jealous reaction from you. She needs to see indicators of commitment (IOC), which you are not giving her.

Her reactions to your aloof alpha game tell me that your replies were on the money. She’s chasing you, and that’s always the better relationship dynamic than the other way around. She doesn’t want to show her hand, though, so she lamely tried to conceal her interest and growing urgency by contacting you through plausibly deniable third parties, as she did when she referenced your mother and, to a lesser extent, your birthday.

(Question for the betas reading: Be honest, how may of you guys tried to reestablish contact with exes by sending them little reminders on their birthdays? Yeah, you tooled yourselves. I hope your dick shrinks when you think on those low points in your lives.)

HOWEVER, I do think you overplayed your hand a bit. All aloof, all the time, makes Jack an unreachable boy. A woman needs to see *some* desire from her man. There’s no need for you to apologize for anything, or to even mention this whole sorry episode in any capacity. Just reach out to her and meet her like you did when times were good. Make some token efforts at beta vulnerability. Deep conversations, eye gazing, a surprise purchase of some small bauble… it doesn’t take much to allay a girl’s fears that you are irrevocably drifting away from her.

Making *her* feel bad for the growing distance is a particularly powerful technique that I would advise only experts at female emotional tinkering should attempt. If you can do that without angering her, go for it. Example: “I’ve been thinking about us lately… (pause)… and your attitude has really made me wonder… (pause)… I dunno, I guess I needed some time to think by myself.”

I’m sure she realizes you’re serious, so you should ease up on the aloofness now. Begin taking the lead again. Let us know how it goes.

Email #5 (from a girl)

I’ve followed your blog for about a year now, and having observed my guy friends and evaluated my own life up till now, I can say that I agree with about 98% of your writing. but I feel like there’s a bit of a conundrum for your average 6/7s; you say alphas are attracted to femininity and girls who “don’t play games”. but 6/7s are often overlooked if the only qualities they possess are such.

also, of course, understandably no guy wants to be chased, as it is fundamentally unfeminine for a girl to chase a man… BUT, for a 6/7 is it possible that initiating the flirting (even with sexual overtones) would actually be productive by subtly seeming more open? I kind of got this from your Betty (9) vs Rachel (7) post.

so do you think 6/7s should initially be more flirty than their hotter friends to at least attract attention, and if not, how do you propose they (attempt to) set themselves above hotter women?

First of all, guys *do* like to be chased. The caveat is that they like it in small doses early on (just enough to let him know that his efforts are not wasted), and in larger doses as a relationship develops (so that his anxieties that you might be a cuckold risk are laid to rest). You are correct, though, in assuming that a girl who chases too much will be undervalued by men as a potential girlfriend and overvalued as a potential one night stand.

6s and 7s pass the cute threshold. If you are a 6 or a 7, you can easily get a solid beta boyfriend as long as your standards aren’t ridiculously inflated and you have the wisdom to know that settling is usually a better option than resigning yourself to pump and dump singleness. Too many women with their useless libtard degrees, $45K HR jobs and muffin tops think they are hot shit who shouldn’t ever have to settle, and these are the kinds of women who end up at 39 like Katie Bolick wondering why they are childless and ignored by the men who used to dump inglorious fucks in them when they were younger hotter tighter.

Good news! You do not sound like one of those women. The very fact that you write here seeking advice suggests that you have a head on your shoulders.

Flirting is a fine art that some women naturally excel at, while other women need to learn from their elders and peers. A 6/7 will be overshadowed by hotter girls, which she can combat in one of three ways:

1. Flirting more openly, as you said

2. Being nicer and more approachable than the hotter girls

3. Studiously avoiding those places where hot women congregate

Number 3 is self-explanatory. Classrooms and house parties are your friend. Nightclubs are not, unless you want an NSA hookup.

Friendly girls with kind demeanors will attract betas like flies to honey. (I would drop the idea that you are going to snag an alpha male for any long term commitment. You should focus on those betas who show sparks of alpha playfulness.) A beta is typically intimidated by 8s and 9s, and put off by their shit tests, so he will gravitate to women more within his purview who don’t give him a hard time. A friendly, non-shit testing 7 with a slender figure is like the holy grail to 70% of the world’s men.

Coyness is a form of flirting, and men love it. But the line between coyness and conspicuous sluttiness is easier to cross than you might think. If you are going to go the “sex it up” route to attract male attention, you had better know what you’re doing. A skirt too short or an eye play too lascivious, and you will get beset by alphas who only see you as a low cost, investment free sexual experiment waiting to happen.

Licking the lips, finger tracing a cocktail glass, crossing and uncrossing legs, smiling a lot, playing with your hair, bright red lipstick, sexy hipster stockings, saying “hi” first, good posture that thrusts the tits outward, high heels that hoist the ass upward, innocent touches on his forearm when he says something interesting… all these flirty expressions are tools of the trade that women over millennia have wielded to capture men’s interest.

I could go on but a full compendium of flirty tricks of the female trade would require a separate post. Bottom line: You aren’t going to outcompete 8s and 9s for alpha male commitment, but you can outcompete 6s and 7s for greater beta commitment. And, if the stars are aligned, you might even best the occasional 8 who has her eyes set on a beta male. A lot of greater betas with options will choose the less stressful, less hot girl for long term love because they don’t have the game nor the guts to keep a hotter girl than they are accustomed to in line.

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A Girl’s Dilemma: The Appreciating Asset Boyfriend

A foreign girl [country of residence redacted to protect privacy], cute but not so pretty that she would elicit crippling approach anxiety from the average beta, writes the following:

Hi,

I’m writing to ask for advice – I’m sure you get this a lot, but I will be truly grateful for any form of response. I’ll be as succinct as I can.

I’m [early 20s], [non-American], and a very happy girlfriend of an alpha. I met him [a number of] years ago and it was pretty much love at first sight, he was not like all other men who seem like children compared to him. I’ve been chasing him for two years but he was always involved or interested in other girls. We were always good friends but even after I told him I loved him he said he didn’t see me that way, even though we had slept together a couple times.

But now we are together and I’ve never been happier. When I think about other men I’ve slept with I feel disgust and I didn’t like it (I thought I was one of those girls who just couldn’t enjoy sex) [ed: a lot of female "libido problems" would disappear if such women started fucking alphas. this is something the feminist and therapist lobbies will never tell you] and I somehow always ended up in charge. When my boyfriend is dominant, I feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

He was always smart and very intelligent but lacked motivation. But since we started dating, he seems very focused on studying (we are in the same [graduate level] course), getting better [occupational field] qualifications (he’s even enrolled me for the same [credentials] he’s pursuing) and finding a high paying job. I can’t say I object, but I feel like I should be doing the same for him.

I gave up smoking to pay for gym equipment and membership (although he said he’ll pay for both, since it’s a gift to himself) and started putting more work into studying, but I feel like it’s not enough. He jokes that he loves me the way I am unless I gain weight, which I would never do. I try to engage in his hobbies (he occasionally likes [male-oriented hobby], which incidentally I do too). But is there anything else I can do to keep him pleased with me? Do you know if some gym classes (like yoga or pilates) are better for making girls more attractive quicker?

I attach a picture. I know my nose is quite big and my chin is too manly [ed: her nose is big, but her chin and jawline are not too manly], but I cannot afford plastic surgery and my boyfriend says I’m still too young to even think about it.

Anything you write will be very helpful, I really don’t want and can’t afford to lose him and go back to either being alone or dating boys or macho idiots.

I write to you because my friends are not objective – your writing is harsh, but usually right to the point without the sugarcoating. And, well, my girlfriends have no experience with men like my boyfriend.

Thank you in advance, I really hope you will find the time to help a girl become a better woman.

Best wishes,

[Anon]

Before I, or the more helpful commenters, can give you the answers you need, it’s important to understand the dynamics of your relationship with your alpha boyfriend. Having no personal experience with you or the way you and your boyfriend behave together, all we can go on is what you wrote in your email, and your attached photo. For instance, I have to assume your boyfriend really is the alpha you claim he is. And I have to assume you are as happy with him as you say you are. Without those assumptions, I can’t offer any advice that isn’t tainted in its premises, and therefore useless. Your honesty, then, is assumed for purposes of discussion.

Right off the bat, I will make a prediction that your relationship with him won’t last. I know it shakes you to the core to hear this, but your history with him leads me to this conclusion. I wish I could tell you otherwise, and I hope I’m wrong because you write like a sweet girl. And, no, my prediction has nothing to do with your looks (though if he is an alpha male with numerous options in the dating market, I should warn you that, despite your cuteness and slimness, your looks are probably not competitive enough with the sorts of girls he could conceivably attract).

The warning sign for impending relationship fracture is the two years you spent “chasing him” while he was banging other girls. This is the action of a man who is not wholly enamored of your feminine charms. It may seem a contradiction to you because you read this blog and know that it counsels men to reconstruct the seduction process so that the girl does the chasing, (and we can see how well it worked on you), but there are differences between game and genuine apathy. This boyfriend of yours likely falls in the latter category.

Now I’m going to tackle your other admission against interest: your boyfriend’s focused pursuit to raise his status since he began formally (i.e., exclusively) dating you.

When men get into comfortable relationships, what normally happens is a slackening of the masculine drive to excel. There is even scientific evidence for this; after marriage, men in a variety of occupations — science, math, business — experience a reduction in their productive output. The most parsimonious explanation for this phenomenon is that once a man has landed a woman and codified it with a marriage contract or a commitment to date exclusively, the fire in his belly slowly burns out because he no longer feels a compulsion to impress potential mates.

But in your relationship, your boyfriend has done the opposite; he has stepped up his striving for personal achievement and, consequently, higher male status. Should he succeed, he will be more attractive to more women with better looks. This is bad news for you, because… say it with me…

OPTIONS = INSTABILITY.

There are two main reasons why a man would suddenly become motivated to excellence after he starts dating a girl (and before they have had any children together).

Reason #1: He has shot out of his league.

That is, he is equal or lower value than the girl, and this subconscious recognition fills him with anxiety. He can’t believe he is dating such a prize female, so he works extra hard to keep her around.

Reason #2: He has settled.

Sometimes a man decides to settle for a girl who is less attractive than the kinds of girls he could get if he put a little effort into it. Men normally do this because they lack confidence, game, or energy to pursue higher quality prospects, or they have settled because the girl is a low maintenance rebound from a previously painful breakup. What then happens is that these men feel trapped in their less-than-ideal relationships, and become motivated to improve themselves so that they can leave the relationship without enduring too much celibate downtime between the comforts of the ex’s pussy and any future pussy. It’s the “monkey swinging from branch to branch” theory of relationship management.

My conclusion — and I really do hate bringing you this news, but I suspect it’s something you knew all along or you wouldn’t have written this blog in desperation seeking advice — is that your boyfriend falls into category #2, based on the information you have divulged about your history with him.

Your dilemma showcases the inherent tension in all male-female couplings: a woman’s sexual market value will nearly ALWAYS depreciate after her early 20s, while a man’s sexual market value can conceivably appreciate for DECADES more. This tension underlies the mechanics of almost every jot and tittle of our feelings when desire overcomes us. It is the poison pill slipped into the chalice of delight.

Since I fear your relationship with your boyfriend is doomed, I suggest you enjoy the remaining time you have with him to the fullest, but keep an eye out for replacement suitors. Don’t dismiss men out of hand because you “have a boyfriend”; think about practicing your dormant flirting skills, even if you don’t intend any interaction to lead anywhere.

If… IF… I am wrong about the dynamics of your relationship (and this possibility does exist), and your boyfriend does truly love you and want to be with you and only you for a long time, there are a few things you can do to reinforce his attraction for you.

1. Get a nose job. You’re not too young for rhinoplasty. I don’t know why your boyfriend is telling you that, unless it’s to make you feel better. You can easily boost your attractiveness rating by a half to a full point with a smaller nose.
2. Don’t ever gain weight. You’re doing well on that score.
3. Since you’re already slim, you can improve your body by toning it up. This means weightlifting. Hit the gym and do squats, presses, and triceps exercises. Don’t worry about “becoming too muscly”. That’s just an excuse fat and lazy girls use to avoid the weights. No woman becomes too big from weightlifting unless she takes steroids or works out seven days a week and eats like a pig.
4. All the girls I see going and coming from a local strength yoga class have the most beautifully righteous asses I have bore witness to on any women. I suggest you join a strength yoga class. The cause and effect may be backwards, but it’s worth the membership if there’s a chance you will achieve an ass like that.
5. Stop supplicating to your boyfriend. A lesson in basic human psychology is in order. The more you act like a sycophant — abiding his every trivial wish, excessively lavishing love and unearned praise on him, pretending to enjoy all his hobbies — the more he will begin to believe you are unworthy of his commitment, particularly since you do not bring incredible beauty to the table. You need an inner game correction. Make (small) demands of him, temper your flattery, have your own hobbies. Play a little hard-to-get. Be coy, not slavish. Be sexy, not slutty. Be feminine, not desperate. You may even want to flirt with other men and try to make your boyfriend jealous. Don’t overdo this, though. If he’s as alpha as you say he is, he’ll have no trouble upping the jealousy ante with his own flirtations.

Men who have good game will play hot-cold-hot-cold with women because it builds attraction. Men with experience know that playing a male version of hard-to-get is catnip to women’s sexual psyches. Women are especially vulnerable to this sort of seductive manipulation, because it is essentially a co-opting of their own devious courtship tactics.

Women naturally tease, feint and misdirect because it is in their nature to do so; such behavior helps screen the unflappable alpha males from the bewildered betas. Men do not naturally tease because all their screening is done within seconds of seeing a girl; her beauty, or lack of it, is comprehended instantly.

But once a woman falls in love, as you have done, she surrenders all possession of the faculties which served her well during the courtship dance. A woman in love is a woman stripped of all her armor; she is exposed. You are exposed. Your emotional nakedness prances around every word you write like a frantic sprite.

It is possible for a woman to keep a beta male slavishly devoted to her by pushing him away and pulling him back with enticements of sexual or emotional gratification. Ironically, the very success of such manipulation renders the beta male more unattractive, resulting in a self-defeating loop for the woman. You should not worry that pulling away from your boyfriend will make him unattractive, but you should worry that too much manipulation will drive him away. While male manipulation of this sort is highly effective on all women, the equivalent female manipulation is much less effective on the most desirable men, the alpha males. An alpha male will simply exercise his many options to secure replacement women should his current lover become too burdensome or wrapped up in gamesmanship.

However, the avoidance of sycophancy is not the same as cunning gamesmanship. I suggest you take a step away from your alpha boyfriend and give him mental room to appreciate your worth. Right now, from all appearances, you are suffocating him. Your actions are working against your interest. Check yourself.

*cracks knuckles, leans back with hands behind head* Where else will you find this valuable advice for free? You can thank me by emailing nudie pics of yourself. Please do not Americanize your facial expressions.

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The Benefit Of Losing Your Cool (Sometimes)

A reader asks:

I got mad at my girlfriend of a year earlier today for something she did, and after I was cooled off I talked to her about it and everything’s good now, but at one point she said “this is why you’re scary sometimes…these rash reactions and the leaping to conclusions…” and I’m not sure if that’s to be taken as a good thing or a bad thing? Could you give your opinion on this?

A good thing. Unpredictability and volatility are male attractiveness traits, in measured doses. (Too much of either and she’ll begin to devalue you as someone who has no state control.) Losing your cool — as long as you do it infrequently — will keep a woman on her toes and her hamster at full throttle, which translates to long-lasting desire for your attention and love. And rumblestick.

Women’s greatest horniness lies in anxiety.

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Game Trumps Looks

File under: “Give me five minutes to talk away my ugly face and I can bed a hard 10.” -Voltaire. A reader (kept anonymous for obvious reasons) emails:

I started reading your blog about a week ago after my girlfriend chewed me up and spit me out like the beta I am. I knew about Game before but figured there was no reason to apply it on her. Obviously a mistake. No one would believe the shit she put me through…except the readers of your blog. That’s not why I’m writing, though. You’ve heard it a thousand times.

I wanted to relate this:

Today I am meeting with a girl on my group for a group project. I’m leading this thing but, christ, no real alpha would lower himself to leading a group project. They never do, in my experience. It’s a low status activity, so I just try to keep everyone on task and make sure we show up in class with something worth half a shit.

Anyway, through dint of scheduling I have to meet with this girl alone instead of with the four other people. I figure I might as well start practicing high status behavior so, when I noticed I was going to be early, I decided to hang around the quad until I was a couple minutes late. When I walk through the door I notice, potentially for the first time, that she is a fucking ten if there ever was one. 19 yrs, tight, flawless skin with just enough tan, full c breasts, beautiful symmetrical exotic features that sing, and the kind of wavy brunette hair that any girl outside of a pantene spot would literally kill for. Me: short, freckles, red hair, glasses, slim but doughy and pale, and 28 years of betadom to back it all up. Not terribly disciplined. Socially shy, but like most betas dominant when there is real work to do. I run and physically I’m a…4-5? On a good day. In the interests of full disclosure, I have some small scabs on my arms from skin picking, a lovely anxiety habit. Just a few but it’s the most unattractive thing ever. It’s harder to quit than smoking. On the plus side, I recently grew a beard to hide my weak chin. So let’s say that today I’m a 4.

But in spite of all this I said to myself: I am not scared of this girl. When she started talking about her many ‘accomplishments’ like her job, or her high status family (prof dad), or her many ap credits… I refused to compliment her. I actually pitied her, since it seems likely that she’s high achieving and will become a professional lady or something similar that makes her unhappy and prices her out of the marriage market.

She started twisting her hair. It was a little anxiety habit–kind of like my skin picking, except cute and girly and not destructive. In the past I would have just said to myself: hair twisting is nothing compared to the shit you do to yourself. But…I thought maybe it might be fun to neg her. “I should grow out my hair,” I said, “so I can twist it.” She apologized about her hair twisting. She started apologizing about all kinds of stuff, actually. She drank too much coffee and was really jittery. She had a ‘long day’ filled with her many accomplishments in life and her brain was ‘fried’. I told her she only had to keep it together for another hour and a half. She cracked her joints and I smiled and looked at her. She demured and I chuckled and mentioned that, when I was young, someone told me that would ruin my joints. But that ‘probably isn’t true. People tell kids lots of things.” Plenty of eye contact. Didn’t cross my legs in a girly way like I always do.

I wasn’t exactly making no mistakes here. I didn’t touch her. I accidentally spoke frankly about my chances for grad school. I asked about her wavy hair, figuring it HAD to be a perm or something. “Is your hair naturally curly?” I asked. It was, in fact, naturally curly and beautiful like Aphrodite’s might be if she were a brunette. “Not as curly as mine.” I responded, trying to ameliorate a body-directed compliment but accidentally calling attention to my curly red hair, a bit of a deficiency. Double mistake. I told her that I found her spanish fluency impressive–which I did, having struggled to learn a language myself. I thought that was bad at the time, but in retrospect complimenting beautiful women on their intellectual achievements isn’t as bad as complimenting them on their hair.

We did some practice runs of the presentation. I was a much, much better speaker than she was. By the time we were ready to leave she was giggling and falling all over herself. All bubbly smiles and eye contact and apologies.  Was she trying to DHV…to ME? Did she really just forget how impressive she was on every level: her perfect body, her high class, her raw intelligence? Could she not see that I am a bit of a classical loser, which is practically an image I’ve embraced and cultivated like she has being beautiful and smart? I was just…dumbfounded. I am awful at is reading female body language–you can’t understand a language without studying it or being immersed–so I don’t know if she was attracted to me or merely not repulsed by me, but I don’t believe I’ve ever been alone in a room with a ten for that long without it ending in cool businesslike contempt. I’ll ask her out to coffee and we’ll find out, I guess.

So thanks for saving my confidence and helping me start to heal my terrible breakup. Keep up the good work. It’s been eye opening.

The biggest difference between men and women in the dating market? A man can talk away his ugly face. A woman cannot. The reader is learning this valuable lesson, and like others before him who have trod the same path of game knowledge, he almost cannot believe the girl’s reaction he sees with his own eyes.

All the negs and teasing employed by this emailer were excellent: not too obviously insulting, with just the right amount of sting. I especially liked when he told her to “try to keep it together for an hour and a half”. Commanding, insouciant, fearless, funny. Chick crack, iow.

Pitying a woman, or lamenting her childishness and naivete, are actually very good frames to have when dealing with hot chicks. This frame is supercilious without being spiteful or hateful. A haughty disdain leavened with bemusement is a character trait that women find irresistible in men. It is the hallmark of alpha males. You could almost call it charisma.

But, unfortunately, I predict this emailer will not ask her out for coffee. (And, helpful tip, you should be taking a girl out for alcoholic beverages if possible, instead of coffee. You don’t want coffee to mentally stimulate her recall of her 463 bullet point checklist.) That “I guess” toward the end of his missive is a dead giveaway of untamed betatude. You guess? No, sir, you don’t guess. You reach down, cradle your gargantuan balls with lovingkindness, and gently coo to them “Thing 1? Thing 2? I’m letting you out of your cage again. Try not to get me in too much trouble.”

Footnote: “Not as curly as mine” was not a mistake. It was, in fact, quite an effective compliment-neutering counterattack. Remember, when you call attention to a possible flaw in a woman’s appearance or style that inadvertently highlights one of your own flaws, she’ll be too busy vaingloriously fretting to even notice what the hell flaw of yours you were concerned about. Or if she does notice and shit tests you over it, it will only serve as convenient conversational springboard to demonstrate your cool-as-fuck bona fides.

Anyhow, glad this blog is helping your dating life. Now you can stop bolding the words loser and glasses. It’s killing your inner resolve. A bolded word is a window to the id.

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Reader Mailbag: Fast Times Edition

Email #1 is from a high school student who calls himself Inexperienced Gamer:

I found your blog a few months back and I loved it.  If any site has given me good advice, this is it.

I saw your ‘first experience with game‘ post a few weeks ago and it kind of struck a chord with me.  There’s this girl I went to school with a very long time ago, after which I left the school.  Now we’re in high school again, and she’s definitely raised her market value.

It’s clear that she’s into me, but I’m not in any of her classes (no chance, I’m AP) and any cross-curricular activities.  My question is, how can I approach (in a setting like this that isn’t, say, a nightclub or bar) without coming off as too forward?

First, I love it that Chateau-popularized concepts like “sexual market value” are infiltrating the high school halls. We’ve come a long way from passing notes and innocently day-dreaming about kissing the cute girl who sits in the front row.

Second, what is this “too forward” crap? You’ve gotta bust a move to get the girl. They aren’t just going to float into your lap. Man, I can remember my earliest years as a stripling seducer when I let a few juicy high school chicks go because I frittered away time thinking about how to arrange the perfect rendezvous with heavenly lights and trumpeting angels heralding my approach instead of walking up and talking.

AP classes tells me you are at the stage where you pride yourself on being smarter than most of your fellow students. You’re probably a little nerdy. Cold approaching fills you with apprehension. Amiright? Well, you’ll have to get over that. If you don’t share classes or activities, you’ve got options to meet her between classes or at the local hangout spot after school. Do you skate or anything like that? Do stuff outdoors where there’s a good chance she’ll stroll by with her friends. From there, it’s just a matter of accusing her of being a skateboard groupie. Find out what groups she’s in and arrange it so that you’re somewhere in the vicinity. It helps if she sees you chatting with other girls.

Your options are limitless. Don’t overthink it. Most important thing is to JUST SAY SOMETHING. Nod in her direction and say “Hey, come here.” There is a 99.9% chance she’ll come. Whatever you do, don’t fall back on the crutch of texting to hint at your feelings. That’s weak sauce.

***

Email #2:

Big time fan of the truths exposed on this website, I’m currently facing an interesting challenge and could use the advice of a super-alpha in negotiating new territory.

This may seem superfluous, but I feel a quick synopsis of back story will help. I began with natural alpha qualities, but devolved to full on beta-dom after my parents had an ugly divorce and my highschool girlfriend dumped me (for being too beta). I exiled myself across the country for two years, and was contemplating ending it all when all old friend contacted me out of the blue to tell me about Roosh’s book Bang. I realized all of my problems resulted from being a Beta and having extremely poor inner game. I returned home and began living with my estranged alpha father (think Charlie Sheen light) and began revamping my personality while returning to my old practices of tearing through women and not caring of what other think of me.

Recently I found a woman who is different, and with the increasing levels of disclosure I feel as though more and more of the old beta is coming out inadvertently regardless of how conscious I am of it. While I commonly make her go get me a beer after sex, respond to requests to put the seat down with “fuck off”, and the only PDA I show is the occasional hug or hard slap on the ass I feel like I’m slipping. Outside of behaviors like these combined with approaching more women on nights off and being extremely aloof what can one do to continue as a true alpha? How exactly does one balance the beta and the alpha when in a relationship?

I appreciate any thoughts you have on the matter.

A good woman will test a man’s alpha resolve. Intense romantic feelings will play havoc with your game if you don’t know how to manage your emotions. (Most younger guys don’t.) If you remind yourself of this, you’ll get better at catching yourself when you slip into beta behavior.

Some of your actions seem a little over the top, however. Almost like caricatures of alpha behavior. Telling a girl to “fuck off” when she asks you to put down the toilet seat is unnecessarily harsh, unless I’m misreading the tone in which you say it. Remember: amused mastery is the zen-like state you should aim for. Better to tease her when the toilet seat issue comes up with something like “Would you like a frilly toilet seat cover to go with that request, your highness?”

But you may be dating a hardcore asshole lover, in which case a regularly scheduled “fuck off” is entirely appropriate and useful. On the other hand, you may be trolling all of us with your email. For the moment, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. Once a relationship is solidified (usually after three months) you can afford some beta slippage. Girls do need to see signs of tenderness and commitment from men they are dating, after all. This is especially true if she’s acting like she’s in an exclusive relationship with you. So stop worrying and just don’t do anything egregious, like drop on bended knee.

***

Email #3:

what’s the best reply to this shit test
“you just wanna get me drunk so you can take advantage of me.”

I replied with “yeah, i heard you’re easy”

Not a good reply. That’s a good way to trigger her anti-slut defenses. Better:

“My advantage… or yours?”

***

Email #4 is from “Joe”:

I was born a beta. Several months ago, I discovered ‘game’ and your blog – since then I’ve made a conscious effort to become alpha. (I’m definitely not the finished article yet, but I’ll get there.)

If you wouldn’t mind helping a brother out, I’d really appreciate your advice on something. Here’s the backstory…

Sarah (HB8) and I have been friends for 18 months (we attend the same university in [redacted]). After seeing me apply what you teach on your blog, she started to like me. When she told me she liked me, I pretended I wasn’t sure about dating her (acting aloof)… then, a few days later, I arranged a date. This was back in November.

During the Christmas break (4 weeks), we only saw each other once… it was New Years and she couldn’t keep her hands off me. However, when I next saw her she acted very cold, and we broke-up shortly after.

Anyway, we hooked-up again in February and have been seeing each other ever since.

Now the Easter holidays have started and I won’t see her for another 3 weeks. In order to keep her sexually interested (unlike last time),what would your advice be with regarding to texting and calling her over the holidays?

Looking back, I acted too beta over the Christmas holidays, which is party why she was cold towards me. (For every two texts she sent me, I was sending three. And just thinking about some of the cheesey stuff I texted her makes me cringe inside!)

If it helps you, attached to this email is 3 weeks worth of text messages between me and Sarah. (I know there’s room for improvement. Reading through, it’s clear I still need to beat the shit out of the beta in me. But, hopefully, there’s enough alpha to show I’m learning from you and your blog.)

If you want to use some of my texts on the blog, you can – just edit the wording so the texts convey the same message without being a word-for-word replica.

You can be brutally honest in your feedback.

Thanks for any advice you can offer me,

- Joe.

P.S. She’s a 20-year-old virgin. We’ve done ‘everything but’ and last time we hooked-up, she was ready for sex… very stupidly, I had no condoms in my jacket. When we start fully sleeping together (hopefully next time I see her), she’ll probably fall in love with me and I want to give her the gift of being the best, most-alpha boyfriend she ever has.

Sudden cold shoulders are caused by one of four things, in descending order of likelihood:

1. She met someone else.

2. She thinks you’ve become beta.

3. You made her feel slutty, and the time apart exacerbated the awkwardness.

4. She’s weirdly religious.

In your case, you mention that you acted beta over the Christmas holidays, so let’s assume that was the case. You’re back together and she’s going away for another three weeks. You want to know how to prevent a repeat of the break-up drama that happened after the New Years make-out.

I suspect you are correct about your betaness, because I read through the text exchanges you had with this chick, and it’s clear to me you made yourself too available to her. Your texts are too long-winded, filled with too many Xs and Os, and too many emoticons. You nearly always end the text exchange instead of letting a little mystery linger by allowing her to have the last text.

This is a girl who’s already broken up with you once, and you two have only been dating since February. Plus, (and most relevantly), YOU HAVEN’T BANGED HER YET. Therefore, it’s too soon to litter her inbox with winks and kissy-kissy XXs at the end of every text you send her. It smacks of clinginess. Give her room to miss you, to think about you. I wouldn’t even bother texting her more than a couple of times over the holidays. Let her fret a bit about what you may be doing with your free time away from her. When you do text her, keep it much shorter than you’ve been doing. Don’t be curt, but don’t be effusive either. A short, snappy joke, or a sly sexual reference is all you need. When she responds, try to refrain from replying, unless you must.

She may be a genuinely nice girl who loves you in all your glorious betatude, but that’s not the way to bet. Check yourself, governor.

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