Thawing An Icy Wife

A reader reaches out to the Chateau Lordship,

I could use your help. Actually, this is probably more in Athol’s domain, but his answer wouldn’t be as entertaining as yours and he might be kind of judgmental.

More judgmental than this blog? Impossible.

Two years ago I caught my wife of four years having an affair. At the time, I knew nothing of game… I was a Beta schlub. It was my broken-hearted “what do I do now” that led me to your website, which of course changed my life. I forgot about my self-pity and hit the gym. Then I bought some new clothes. I learned to play the guitar. Now when my wife mentions her former lover (she has contact with him through her job several times a year) the contempt for him is evident in her voice. Things between us are far, far better than I expected they would be at this point. But… (you knew there was a but, didn’t you?) there’s still something not quite right. Our sex is frequent but only “pretty good.” She is always willing to “put out,” but it’s, well, putting out. She doesn’t have the enthusiasm for my cock that she had when we were first together.

Sounds suspiciously like sedative sex — that is, the obligatory, unexciting sex that married women offer as Damegeld to their gelded provider husbands during the three weeks the wives aren’t ovulating. The purpose of this dreary sex is not to sate her desire but to soothe her husband’s anxiety and keep his cashmoney coming. It’s the “give the dog a bone” life history strategy.

I probably would have been happy with our sex life, but for one thing: I got a girlfriend.

:applause:

And the sex with my girlfriend makes me realize just what is lacking in the sex with my wife.

Self-reporting surveys (wink, wink GSSers, u know I luv youze no-homo-ly) which purport to show that married men get more sex than single men miss two very important confounding factors: the quality of that sex, and the variety of sex partners. Single men may have less regular sex than married men, but when the (alpha) single men do have sex, it’s volcanic. And a new adventure every time. Because no matter how much you love your wife, there will come a time when her snatch loses its sheen. This is the curse and blessing of being a (non-manboobed) man: never satisfied, always conquering. Or dreaming about conquering.

My GF, unlike my wife, is very enthusiastic. She swallows my cock like she’s starving. She fucks me like it’s the last fuck she’s ever going to get.

You are the alpha male to your girlfriend, and the beta male to your wife. More proof, as if any more was needed, that beta maleness and alpha maleness are largely contextual, and that marriage inexorably betatizes even the most alpha of men.

Maybe I should just be happy.

Take the honey and fun.

Have ‘duty sex’ with my wife, and fuck my girlfriend for fun.

Does that sound so bad? Traditionally, there was a tacit social expectation that husbands would avail themselves of sexual outlets in the downward spiraling years of their wive’s attractiveness, but that they would remain loyal and duty-bound to their wives regardless.

But it occurs to me that a little preselection and dread might ignite a fire in my wife’s pussy.

Like a boss.

I’m trying to figure out how to plant the idea in my wife’s mind that I might be having an affair.

You won’t need to plant any ideas of your threatening omnipresent desirability if your affair has been going on long enough. Even given a total lack of hard evidence, most wives have spidey-sense that guides them to the correct conclusion about cheating husbands. She will smell it on you, notice it in your gait, and hear it in the renewed firmness… of your voice. Not to mention, a husband getting his sack drained on the side generally doesn’t have much left over to service his contemptibly familiar wife. Ask yourself first if it’s *your* apathy that’s the cause of your uninspired marital sex life. If it is, and you sincerely want to reinvigorate your marriage, then you should think about dumping the mistress.

But if your wife is the one dragging her feet into the bedroom, then a program of dread will help enliven her lust. Dread is supposed to be a feint, a rope-a-dope. It’s not supposed to be a flare for a team of divorce lawyers. If you are actually balls deep in an affair, drawing attention to your second life is not what I would call a smart marital move. Not in this day and age.

Of course, since I am actually having an affair, I have to walk a fine line.

Yours is a strange scenario. Most men I know who are cheating on their lovers don’t need to go the extra mile to provoke anxiety and doubt about their fidelity. It’s all they can do to keep their affairs under wraps, and their primary partners in the dark. The dread is self-evident.

I want to give her enough of a suspicion to light a fire under her, but not so much that she hires a private investigator or starts hacking my email accounts. I want her to feel a bit of suspicion, without her actually getting enough evidence to confirm the suspicion.

Ok, I’ll give you some advice. But know that you’re flirting with distaster. Have you forgotten that there’s a third party involved? Your mistress might not stay wisely silent. Women have a devious tendency to “oopsie, I said something I shouldn’t have.” You can open the can of dreadworms but just make sure to cover your tracks. Your wife and your lover should not know anything important about each other, and should never be in the same zip code together. You wanna deal with bunny broilers?

What say you? Is this something that can be done? Or should I just be happy with wifely “duty sex” and wild girlfriend sex?

Readers will note that for purposes of discussion, I assumed this email was sincere. There is certainly a strong whiff of the troll about it, but it’s useful as a lesson for other men who are reading who may be in similar circumstance and aren’t lying about it.

Here’s my advice:

1. Track your wife’s ovulation cycle. (Won’t work if she’s on the Pill.)

You can learn a few things by doing this. Is her sex drive revved up with you during that glorious one week when her egg sojourns and she craves the cock? Then the rest of the time she might just feel anxious about her marriage, but at least she still feels raw attraction for you. You should consider that it’s a lack of your beta male reassurance that’s responsible for her withdrawal.

Worse, is she colder than usual during her ovulation? Then her attraction is waning, and she’s probably thinking about other men. You need to pump up the alpha.

2. If her sexual iciness is a result of her weakening attraction rather than her strengthening anxiety, then a dollop of dread will do the trick. “Accidentally” leave an email or IM account open, so that she will stumble across an anonymous message which you will hand craft to send from a dummy email account to sound like it’s from a woman who’s flirting with you, but who hasn’t yet received a reply or encouragement from you. If you’re worried about her hiring an investigator, then preempt her doubt. Don’t wait for your wife to confront you about the message. When you get home, exclaim, “Oh look at that, I left my email open. I bet you got an eyeful honey! Yep, you did. Any suggestions for dealing with a co-worker who’s got the hots for me? This chick won’t take no for an answer.”

3. The objective is to maintain your innocence while stoking your wife’s insecurity. This means the hints must be extremely subtle, (unless your wife is clinically retarded). A fan favorite is calling her from a busy place that has a lot of young women giggling in the background.

4. Don’t bother entangling your real mistress in this subterfuge. Too risky. But if you decide you want to taunt divorce theft, try an indentation of a condom on your wallet, sans condom. Or a tucked-away business card from your mistress (strictly business, you see). Or you can go the full Don Draper and take your wife to a social event where you know your mistress will be in attendance. Flaunt your wife, flirt with your mistress across trays of hor d’oeuvres. There’s just something very manfully satisfying about manipulating a quasi-harem in this way and cheating discovery.

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The Most Dangerous Word: Love

Reread the title of this post. Love is not the most dangerous emotion. (That would be pride, followed closely by jealousy.) Love is the most dangerous word.

How so?

Because the word is pregnant with so much covert meaning. Because its utterance can mean the end, or the beginning, of a romantic adventure that spans years or decades.

Examine the multitude of ways the word can be spoken, intended and interpreted within a romantic context.

- A beta male (or beta female) speaking it incessantly in hopes of convincing or guilt-tripping an ambivalent partner to commit more deeply to the relationship.

- An alpha male (or alpha female, but typically less often encountered) declaring his love in hopes of convincing himself that his fading feelings are a mirage.

- An alpha female perfunctorily burping the word at her beta provider boyfriend during the one week of her monthly cycle when she finds the thought of sex with him repulsive.

- A normally aloof and emotionally distant alpha male or alpha female using it unexpectedly as an expression of repressed guilt for cheating or thinking about cheating.

- A beta male exclaiming love to the heavens, blind to any lack of reciprocation from the woman he loves, because he is overjoyed with his own ecstasy.

- A beta male never saying the word because he is afraid it will drive away the woman he loves. If he is thinking this, his intuition is probably true.

- Two lovers wrestling as one, ejaculating the word in a climax of sincere, unfiltered, honest passion.

- A beta female saying it to an alpha male during post-coital cuddles, misconstruing his lust energy for love energy.

- An omega male professing love to his couch crease knowing his feelings can’t be repudiated.

Recall Poon Commandments I, V and VI.

Don’t proclaim your love first. Give your woman that honor.

Don’t whore your joy. Women love higher status men, and one condition of higher status is a temperate eagerness and gratitude.

Don’t give away your emotional store. A woman appreciates a man who understands her need for anticipation and slow discovery.

A few broadly applicable suggestions for beta males and how to tame the most dangerous word would be these:

When you feel like declaring your love, stop, take a mental breath, and save it for another time.

When you declare your love, check yourself, and don’t say it again. Once is more than enough.

When your declared love has gone unanswered, don’t push for resolution, explanation or emotional deliverance, however much you want your fears allayed. Ignore the momentary rejection and bide your time. Some women will reply in kind days or weeks or even months later. If she doesn’t, you have your red flag. Start thinking about escape and renewal.

Don’t drop the love bomb immediately after you’ve dropped your jizzbomb. Women never — NEVER — believe the word to be sincerely expressed in a post-bangal glow. At best, she’ll be abstractly flattered. At worst, she’ll conflate your insistent love with your desperate lust for her body, and conclude your horniness guides your emotions. You will be weakened in her judgment as a result.

Here is my advice to alpha males regarding the use of the L word:

You will have to remind yourself to say it once in a blue moon. When you do, make sure it’s at the most inappropriate (i.e., in public) or unexpected (i.e., while she’s standing at the kitchen sink) times. She will swoon forever.

All cocky and no sincerity makes Jack a predictable boy. Either be passionate and real, or admit that you don’t really love your woman like you think you do.

If you are saying it a lot after sex, you are probably trying to convince yourself of feelings you don’t have. Enlarge your harem, and thereby reduce the amount of time spent on each lover. Absence breeds aphrodisia.

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Putting Game Theory Into Practice: Judge Dread Edition

Do you know what turns a woman on? Dread. Delicious dread that you might be frolicking with another filly. Or that you aren’t quite yet wholly committed to your beloved.

Feh! These are just words. Le Chateau is a house of wise and learned repute, but nothing enlightens like putting theory into practice and watching with supreme satisfaction a woman’s love explode in Pollockspray across her emotional canvas exactly as predicted. Commenter dicipres recounts:

I wanted to share something that happened to me yesterday which is relevant to game and that you might find interesting…

Yesterday afternoon an attractive co-worker sent me a VERY flirty email. My wife was at the computer just as the email came in, read it first and started to ask questions about the co-worker etc and became a little angry.

Few hours later, after the kids went to sleep, she calmed down and we went to bed.

About an hour after, we had the hottest dirtiest sex we ever made, even as singles before we had children.

Basically, dread/pre-selection caused the best sex we ever had in our relationship, and this happened while we both are tired from the long day and when our 8 months child is sleeping in her crib in our bedroom, 3 ft from our bed (which usually prevents my wife from being 100% calm and relaxed).

So yeah, Dread/pre-selection works.

People who say the teachings of game and the crimson art of applied charisma have nothing to offer men are either hermits or willfully blind faith-based betas yearning for psychological emollient. Yes, brave snarky skeptics, there you stand, smart but sad, tethered to the granite of your cherished conventionality, nobly enduring your frump marriages to your frump wives as your frump genitals wither from disuse and boredom. Those of us who have lived a day know better.

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Top Ten Signs Your Relationship Is Healthy

1. You admire and flirt with other women, but don’t plot to bed them.

If you as a healthy man aren’t admiring attractive women other than your girlfriend, you are depressed and your relationship will suffer. If you are actively figuring out ways to cheat, your monogamous relationship is unsatisfying.

2. She has photos of you and her together in her work cubicle.

It’s so natural for a woman to advertise her relationship status with a committed boyfriend that a conspicuous lack of photos of her boyfriend is strong circumstantial evidence she wishes to hide him from public knowledge and signal to other men that she is available for sexcapades. A man who doesn’t display relationship photos doesn’t necessarily signal dissatisfaction with his girlfriend, because men on average feel less compulsion than do women to engage in such ritual displays.

3. When you go away on a trip by yourself, she worries about your faithfulness.

If instead of her worrying about you, you worry about what she’ll do with her brief spell of freedom, your relationship is unhealthy.

4. The sex is rarely planned.

If you ever catch yourself or your girlfriend saying, “Let’s make tonight a special night”, you have been served notice that your relationship is heading for sickly grounds.

5. She still cares if you remember birthdays and anniversaries.

Aloofness is sexy on a man. Aloofness is the kiss of relationship death on a woman. A woman who has stopped caring for signs of emotional commitment is a woman mentally checked out and fantasizing about a new relationship.

6. Blowjobs are frequently a prelude to coitus.

You can directly track relationship health by the decline in frequency of blowjobs. Each unit decrease in peak monthly blowjob allotment corresponds to a one month decrease in relationship length (unless obviated by threat of divorce theft).

7. You haven’t spent inordinate time waxing nostalgic about shared memories.

Healthy relationships are like a locomotive: powerful, unstoppable, graceful in their precise engineering, motoring to lands unknown. Nostalgia for past romantic achievements is a tacit admission of present romantic stagnation. Save the nostalgia for old age when there’s no threat of upgrade to a more exciting partner.

8. She’s lost her enthusiasm for girls’ nights out.

A woman deeply in love feels less urge to hang out with her single girl friends. She now finds them dispiriting and a bit pathetic. In contrast, a woman dissatisfied with her relationship can’t wait to join the yentas for mimosas. Men, too, enjoy time with their buddies, but use it more as a pressure valve to blow off steam that accumulates in the natural course of monogamous obligation.

9. She’s stopped kissing her cat on the mouth (and other similar pet-loving gestures taken to the clownish extreme) and now treats her pets as they really are — animals, not furry humans.

You might think this is a frivolous signal of relationship health, but intemperate female anthropomorphic intimacy is pregnant with suppressed emotional turmoil.

10. She wants your unsheathed penis inside her.

A woman who prefers you raw dog is a woman who is unafraid to take risks with you. She trusts you, loves you, and wants you to receive as much as, or even more pleasure than, she receives.

***

Generally speaking, once a woman is in a relationship she will grant you a margin of beta male error, which means you can be more beta with a girlfriend or wife than you can be with a girl you have just started dating. The width of this margin of beta male error varies commensurate to the intensity of preexisting love she feels for you, and any cultural and genetic factors related to her local surrounding sexual marketplace and her ethnic or racial background, (e.g.: women from more chaotic non-Western countries better appreciate the stability and security that doting beta males offer).

But this is a warning, not an excuse for men in relationships to rest on their beta laurels, for all women, even the loving Slavs, have their breaking points for male weakness and clinginess, beyond which their tolerance drops precipitously. If you sincerely love your girlfriend or wife and you find your relationship beginning to sour, the answer is not, typically, more beta male reassurance game, but more exciting sexy alpha game. The broad contours of women’s desire are universal, even if the details on close examination differ; nearly every woman in the world (except weird biological experiments gone horribly wrong) is a sexually and romantically dichotomous creature, drawn both to the strong, supportive provider and the dominant, aloof challenge.

Your mission in life as a man seeking to maximize his happiness is to appeal to these dueling instincts in women, embrace the entanglement for all its life-affirming exhilaration, and relish the blessings of womanly love. The rest is commentary.

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Beta Female Relationship Whoring

Reader MrJohn writes:

I didn’t know where else to talk to someone about this thing I’ve witnessed, so why not here. Valentine is really a great holiday to spot the betas of the world. Here’s a beta from Sweden. All seen on Facebook. The girl (24) and the guy (about 28) has been dating for about a half year. The past months she’s openly called him ‘hubby’ on FB, although they are not engaged. She’s pretty much unemployed and has definitely gained a lot of weight lately. I don’t wanna post pictures of her, but she’s a solid 6. He looks a bit feminine, bordering on gay with his facial expressions. He works his ass off to please her. The typical Swedish guy I guess.

Looking at her page, she has been posting almost every hour of the valentines evening. And at mid-night she’s summing up the evening: (Yeah updating Facebook before giving him sex or any other trivial activity)

“Last pics to summarise our night  saw this movie here, got 15 roses of my favourite colours, three course dinner and finished the day with slow dance in our living room. I have such a wonderful man. Thank you (name). Love you with all my heart and hopefully 80 more years of this to come <3″

- attached are photos of them together in restaurants, with roses and all that.

I feel sick somehow. Am I just too sensitive? Perhaps this is the way to do valentines?

What has sickened you, gentleman reader, is the phenomenon of the beta female engaged in the act of relationship whoring.

You are right to retch, for beta female relationship whoring (BFRW, sounded out “Beef Raw”) is among the most transparent of ego-stroking ploys utilized by undesirable or marginally desirable women. You really want to call them out but, hey, polite society and all. That’s why we have this blog; so you can say what’s on your mind with the kind of freedom that nowadays only naive, small children or cantankerous old farts get to enjoy.

Women of questionable sexual worth who have “snagged” men of higher value, however precariously, are frequently susceptible to feeling urges to advertise on the flimsiest pretexts the undying love their loosely committed boyfriends have for them.

The reason the beta female feels this urge is because such overblown advertising of her relationship strength (as defined by the extent to which the man caught up in her shenanigans lavishes her with gifts and paeans to her awesomeness) serves multiple evolutionary purposes:

1. It signals her fidelity to her one-foot-in-one-foot-out boyfriend. Many men will settle for women less pretty than their ideal if those women compensate by offering implied (paternity) guarantees of present and future faithfulness.

2. It warns away female poachers. If her boyfriend is moveable product, there is a good chance he will bolt at the first sign of interest from a hotter girl. Women love taken men, but their predilection to act on that evil female instinct may be suppressed if the girlfriend of the desired man can fool her hotter competition into thinking he only has eyes for her.

3. It stroketh thine ego. A girl with a well-lubed ego is a happier girl who will be a more congenial girlfriend. (Congeniality nullified if happy ego results in ice cream aided fattitude.)

4. It is social oxytocin (or proxy oxytocin). The hormonally-charged bonding that naturally occurs in the early stages of a relationship can be synthesized quicker by ruses to project the relationship to a point in the future when it would presumably be stronger and more committed. Players use a modification of this strategy to speed up the time to sex, called time compression, time distortion, or future pacing.

5. If the girl is a bit prettier than average, say a 6 or 7, and on the wall side of 25, the beta female relationship whoring strategy could just as easily function for her as a self-regulating mechanism which “tricks” her into feeling stronger love for her boyfriend than she might in actuality feel, thus hindering any impulse she might have to trade up and risk a sure thing. Women have a more powerful “trading up” urge than do men, and this instinct can get them in trouble if they don’t have the self-discipline to know when they have a good thing and act accordingly.

Relationship whoring is essentially a technique employed by lower quality females for discouraging the competition and for encouraging the fence-sitting boyfriend to discard his fantasy of scouring the field for a hotter replacement. It can also serve to push a woman closer to a beta boyfriend so that she does not ruin herself on a perpetual hunt for commitment from an elusive alpha male.

If you doubt the efficacy of this strategy, here’s a thought experiment. Tell me, as a man, given two women of equal facial and body attractiveness, would you find it harder to dump or cheat on a woman who was emotionally distant and giving little indication she was interested in an LTR, or harder to dump or cheat on a woman who professed your mutual love to the world and tacitly confessed her utter devotion to you?

I mean, unlike me, assume you are a non-sociopath in the above thought experiment.

You may ask why one does not nearly as often witness this vile practice of BFRW from hot girls, or from very ugly girls.

Well, in the first case, hot girls have more options. They are thus less likely within any given relationship to feel as urgent a need to restrict their own choices by advertising their status as taken women. They are also less apt to feel insecurity about their boyfriends’ levels of commitment, (men are way more willing to stick around and invest if the lady is a champ), and they are less afraid of competition. (The threat of competition that would arise by dating a desirable alpha male is counteracted by the reduced threat of competition from being better looking than most of her female peers.)

In the second case, uglier girls (4s and under) don’t resort so much to the BFRW strategy because they don’t generally date men who are of sufficient sexual market value to entice female interlopers. The ugly girl is with a low value man, and nobody wants either of them, least of all themselves, despite the alacrity to which they resign themselves to their moribund romantic fate.

Middling girls are the ones who most benefit from BEEF RAW. Facebook is filled with 5s, 6s and 7s promoting pics of their candlelit Valentines dinners with herbish boyfriends looking for all the world like they’d rather be gunning down starships in an MMO.

What’s especially revealing about the BFRW subculture is that a man can indirectly appraise his own SMV by his inclusion or absence from BFRW antics. If your girlfriend has posted pics of you and her in all manner of romantic obsequiousness, you are probably a beta male with just enough SMV to avoid involuntary celibacy. If, in contrast, your girlfriend admirably restrains herself from the lure of online attention whoring and shouting your abject devotion to the heart of the world, you are probably an alpha male dating a good-looking lady of character. Hang up your player vestments, because…….. hahaha, who am I kidding!? You were gaming in your mama’s womb (stealing her resources) and you’ll be gaming till your last breath leaves you.

So, no, reader, this is not the way to do Valentine’s Day, unless you are a beta who doesn’t mind putting up with suffocating female crap and scaring away hotter girls who might be future conquests. Just get her a Skittles bag, enjoy her everlasting love, and be happy you aren’t getting pushed off-course your program to maintain relationship limbo in perpetuity.

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Female Infidelity Red Flags

The corn&porn arm of the MSM is catching up with CH teachings. A woman has written an article about female infidelity warning signs, (supposedly culled from women who have cheated on their partners), and the information sounds suspiciously similar to earlier Chateau Heartiste red flags for women who are high infidelity risks. For instance:

MSM fem entity:

Sign No. 1: She accuses her man of cheating. This common sign is an attempt to divert the guilt away from herself, and to project her dishonest behavior onto her partner.

Ministry of PoonandGrabass CH:

She asks you how many women you’ve slept with or accuses you of being a player. One word: projection.

MSM fem entity:

Sign No. 2: She starts dolling herself up. If a woman suddenly starts taking hours to get ready for places like the gym or the grocery store, then there may be someone she’s trying to impress.

CH:

She undertakes beautification projects. [A] girl who suddenly begins an exercise program or wearing carefully applied makeup or buying new sexy cocktail dresses is prepping herself for a return to the market.

MSM fem entity:

Sign No. 3: She tells her husband she needs space.

CH:

Chances of re-notch success are much lower once she has verbalized her need for space, but with proper post-relationship game you can improve your odds dramatically.

MSM fem entity:

Sign No. 4: She drops hints that she’s not happy.

CH:

A woman is honed like a machine to be a first responder to relationship crisis. She uses her intuition to pick out subtle nicks in the relationship armor that could grow to chasms if left untended. [...] Women therefore have evolved an exquisite sense for sniffing out warning signs that a man is losing interest, or that his love, and hence his commitment, is cooling. Women therefore have evolved an exquisite sense for sniffing out warning signs that a man is losing interest, or that his love, and hence his commitment, is cooling.

MSM fem entity:

Sign No. 5: She has a new BFF her partner has never met. For starters, this new “friend” may not even be a girl at all. The friend could also be a single gal pal looking for a wing woman… and sometimes a woman is all too eager to go along for the ride.

CH:

She has a lot of slutty friends. Ye shall know her by her support group.

MSM fem entity:

Sign No. 6: She changes her plans… at midnight. If she consistently ends up staying out all night, then it’s time to question her loyalty.

CH:

This red flag is so obvious — hey, my girlfriend/wife is out again at midnight without me! — that I don’t need to dig through the CH archives to find a record of this blog stating the same thing.

MSM fem entity:

Sign No. 7: Someone else thinks she’s cheating. “I knew someone who had firsthand knowledge my girlfriend was cheating,” Mark says. “But I believed her when she said it was a lie, because nobody wants to believe the worst, no matter how obvious it may be.”

CH:

This is a milder version of catching her in flagrante delicto, *when it’s from a third party*. But there’s the rub. Many of your girlfriend’s or wife’s friends will not be your friends. If you hear something that suggests your wife’s infidelity from an oblivious sidewalk grocer, you should take the accusation seriously. If you hear it from her BFF who secretly hates you (or loves you), default to skepticism.

MSM fem entity:

Sign No. 8: She has a sudden increased interest in her partner’s whereabouts. A woman carrying on an affair needs to cover her bases. If she starts wanting to know her man’s plans for the day, especially when she’s supposedly at work or otherwise busy, then she could be making plans of her own.

CH:

This is pretty good advice for an MSM fem entity, but its accuracy as a warning sign depends a great deal on who’s downlow-ing whom. A wife will show increased interest in her spouse’s whereabouts if she suspects *him* of cheating, too. So if you are a faithful dude, and your wife is suddenly asking a lot of questions about your schedule while sounding like she’s pretending to ask in a spontaneous manner, as if it “just popped into her head”, then you may have something to worry about.

MSM fem entity:

Sign No. 9: She gives excuses to not have sex.

CH:

[W]e now know the number one dead giveaway that your wife or girlfriend is about to cheat on you:

Is she withdrawing sex during days 10-16 of her monthly cycle? Then you, my friend, are about to be betrayed.

If you hear from your woman “I have a headache” any time during her peak fertility, she has either cheated on you, is thinking about cheating on you, or is getting sufficiently turned off by your burgeoning betaness that cheating will soon become an option in the calculation of her moral universe.

MSM fem entity:

Sign No. 10: She’s checked out. If another man is meeting a woman’s emotional needs, then she will lose her enthusiasm in her current relationship, even when it comes to things like arguing.

CH:

[M]en are capable of fucking more than one woman concurrently without losing that loving feeling for any one of them. Women, in contrast, tend to have to fall out of love with their man before they can comfortably move on to fucking another man.

So, did this MSM fem entity plagiarize CH, or is it just a coincidence that there happens to exist in the world a woman who can speak as truthfully as the lordship of Chateau Heartiste?

Ps You have to love the spate of articles in recent years about cheating women. Is this a subject that would have been broached so explicitly in any putatively mainstream outlet fifty years ago? Either the culture has become less queasy about parading in print the true nature of women, or more women are cheating and the need to discuss the topic has reached critical mass, or both. Whatever the reason for the trend, it doesn’t do much for American women’s marriageability.

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Declining Intimacy Vs Declining Attraction

An anonymous reader asks:

Le Cheatau in an LTR, what are the signs of a lack of rapport vs a lack of attraction?

Declining rapport can occur while the attraction remains strong, but declining attraction rarely occurs while rapport remains strong. To put it another way, within the context of a relationship, and particularly from the woman’s vantage point, rapport cannot exist without attraction, but attraction can exist without rapport.

(Note that declining rapport can be a function of either the man’s or the woman’s withdrawal, and that the originator matters for the course of action necessary to remedy it.)

When a woman is VERY attracted to her boyfriend, it will seem to her as if there is never enough rapport between them. If rapport DOES start to decline, she will paradoxically feel MORE attracted to him. This is her biology’s way of channeling her emotions toward the pursuit of bringing him “back into the fold”. (Double entendre intended.)

If a woman is losing attraction for her boyfriend (these things happen all the time), she will also lose her desire to maintain rapport with him. When a woman has stopped making efforts at rapport, there is nothing a man can do to reinitiate rapport except through reestablishing his attractiveness to her. The attraction MUST PRECEDE the rapport. Any supplicating efforts to “force rapport” will only result in her losing more attraction for him, and the cycle becomes a negative feedback loop ending in house celibacy (for him, only).

Men think intimacy means physical closeness garnished with pillow talk, but women have a different frame of reference. Intimacy to women means pillow talk garnished with physical closeness. (A general rule that breaks down at the margins, or during the ovulatory window in a woman’s monthly fertility cycle.) Rapport is intimacy in woman-world, so when rapport declines (as measured by frequency, intensity, or both) women start to fret about the stability of their relationships. Men don’t notice as much when rapport declines, as long as the sex is still on tap; to men, less chit chat in the bedroom is a sign of progress. But the reality is that less chit chat usually follows less sex, as most women are incapable of experiencing a closing off of the one without a closing off of the other.

The take-home message for men is that a woman’s declining attraction is more crucial to guard against than is her declining rapport. Low levels of rapport can be quickly mitigated. Just talk to her more, and show a soft side. But lowered levels of attraction cannot be fixed by more rapport, a “solution” so reflexively beloved by cloying betabots that will only make the problem worse. For that, you need to amp the alpha, and re-certify your worth as a challenging man with options.

From an aerial perspective, female lack of rapport is synonymous with female lack of attraction. So when you, as a man, are looking for signs of declining rapport in your girlfriend, you are essentially looking also for signs of declining attraction. But the two deleterious female LTR states have some differences worth highlighting. This is especially true in relationships where the woman reluctantly feels a growing realization that her boyfriend, whom she nevertheless loves very much, will not be there for her over the long term, and doesn’t share her goals.

The signs you should watch for include:

Lack of Rapport

She’s stopped asking you questions. (Women in love question everything, all the time. They are never fully reassured, and their hamsters like it that way.)

She still fucks you, but doesn’t want to cuddle afterwards.

She’s stopped sharing details of her day.

She tentatively broaches topics, as if she’s afraid you won’t reciprocate and she has to test the waters first.

She’s stopped nagging you entirely, or she’s begun nagging you way too much. (There is a minimal amount of nagging in a healthy LTR. Too little, she’s lost interest in fixing your idiosyncrasies; too much, she’s lost the ability or will to connect with you emotionally and behave like a girl who values your desires as a man.)

She’s dropped you as a sounding board in favor of her male eunuch orbiters, female friends, and best gay boyfriends.

She’s stopped discussing future plans with you, preferring instead to chat about trivialities and laugh away her unease.

She perfunctorily agrees with everything you declare because she’s no longer motivated to “hash it out” or “understand each other”.

In contrast to the above, everything she declares seems crafted to be maximally antagonistic to your beliefs and values.

She punctuates every other conversation with a variant of these: “We just don’t see eye to eye anymore” and “You don’t get me like you used to”.

You decide to talk about your relationship, and she eagerly extends it to a five hour marathon discussion.

She is unusually silent during long moments of physical closeness.

She cries a lot for no particular reason.

Lack of Attraction

She’s stopped having sex with you. (A woman can feel an erosion of attraction before she stops fucking you, but the time between her heart shutting down and her vagina shutting down is typically very short.)

She’s begun flirting more with waiters, bartenders and guy friends when you go out together.

She negs you, except that her negs are more backhanded than complimentary, and not meant to put you in the mood.

She scoffs at your idle musings.

She’ll take any excuse to denigrate you.

She looks bored. Especially when you talk.

She winces when you touch her.

She no longer initiates any physical contact. You must do all the work, and it feels like more work than ever.

She’s begun showering her cat with an excessive amount of sloppy affection, while you sit on the sofa wondering if you need to purr and poop in a box to get her to love you like that.

Remember when she used to punch you affectionately? Now she punches you for real.

You try to talk about your relationship, and she hastily changes the subject.

You buy her a gift. She looks at you with pity in her eyes.

She found your browser porn history. She doesn’t care.

You start to feel like the woman in the relationship. Even worse: she’s started to feel like the man.

*****

As you can see, there’s a lot of overlap and similarity between a woman’s declining rapport and her declining attraction. The most obvious distinction is the providing or withholding of sex by her. So, really, if you want a shortcut for determining the health of your LTR, just pay attention to how often and how vigorously she puts out. You won’t be led astray feeling for the tingle of the Telltale Twat.

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Confronting Vs Ignoring A Manipulative Girlfriend

I-dawg writes:

Good stuff, man. I can’t tell you how much easier your blog and a rough knowledge of Game in general has made my dating life. Here’s a question for you though: how do you handle a steady girlfriend who wants to hang out with one of her now-married Ex’s (and his wife) from ‘back in the day’? It doesn’t sit right with me, but she keeps pestering me about it. Unfortunately, my stripper-ex has moved 1000 miles away and gotten married herself, so I can’t just agree-and-amplify by hanging out with her.

First, it’s almost always bad news when a girlfriend wants to “hang out” with an ex “from back in the day”, regardless of her ex’s current relationship status. You may as well start visualizing his cock sliding in and out of her right now.

You can take this to the bank: A girlfriend who want to hang out with an ex does so for only two reasons.

1. She wants to fuck her ex.

2. She is manipulating you for fun and profit.

Either way, it’s a red flag that your relationship is sailing for rocky shoals.

Don’t think for a minute that just because your GF candidly tells you of her idea to see her ex means that she isn’t thinking of fucking him. Quite the opposite; girls will usually drop bombs like that to alleviate the guilt they feel from harboring illicit thoughts of infidelity. It’s a major hamster rationalization that sounds something like this in their pretty little heads:

HAMSTER VESSEL: I can’t stop thinking about my ex.

HAMSTER: If you do something about it, it won’t be your fault if you warn your boyfriend first.

HAMSTER VESSEL: If I warn him, he’ll dump me! Or act clingy and beta and that is a huge turn-off I can’t abide if I want to marry and divorce him someday.

HAMSTER: What are you worried about? You’re just thinking about hanging out with your ex.

HAMSTER VESSEL: Yeah, hanging out! It’s his fault if he gets insecure about that.

HAMSTER: Now you’re getting it. And, hey, while your talking to me, can you pass me an aspirin? This spinning is giving me a headache.

My advice, friend, is to test the waters for which emotion is motivating her actionable offense against you. Is she really daydreaming about her ex, or is there something amiss in your relationship that is causing her to lash out like a mischievous impette? If the former, you should dump her first so that you can glide out of her life with that all-powerful hand which will give you a confidence boost for future pickups. If the latter, you have the luxury of deciding whether you want to play along and devise tactics which will reel her back into your orbit, or fuck with her head before delivering the sayonara shiv.

To determine where she is coming from, I suggest initiating the “instill dread” protocol. Do you detect whiffs of jealousy? Does she seem bothered by your flirting with her sister? Do your “late nights” at work get her worked up? Or does she seem blasé about your machinations? You could also call her bluff, but, as you said, counter her oh-so-innocent offer with your own suggestion for you to see your ex. “Funny you say that… my ex is in town and she emailed me to get together for lunch. I suppose we’re both cool with this, then?” Watch for facial tics that reveal she isn’t cool with that bargain.

The nuclear option is to straight up deliver an ultimatum. “If you see your ex, our relationship is over. These terms are non-negotiable.” If she’s bluffing, she’ll recant her suggestion. If not, she’ll act annoyed and say something like “we’ll talk again when you’ve calmed down.” If she was thinking about leaving you anyhow, she’ll just use your ultimatum as the excuse that she needs to dump you free of guilt.

Many men will be tempted to confront an unruly girlfriend who asserts her desire to see her ex-boyfriend. Confrontation is the useful strategy in some cases, but it’s not what I consider a go-to option. Confrontation can just as likely blow up in your face as smooth over problems. Cavalierly ignoring a manipulative girlfriend can be useful in measured doses, but as a strategy tends to diminishing returns the longer she knows you or the deeper any problems — like her roaring cuntery — fester.

The best strategy is structured, and builds upon itself as the circumstances warrant: start with a calculated amusement and teasing, coupled with a distant and condescending regard of her offer, followed by active steps to screen her motivations, and then finally a bold statement of your intolerance for her shit if it need come to that.

Whatever you do, don’t do beta. That means, no “aww, honey, let’s talk about this”, no “do you not love me?”, no “what did I do wrong?”, no “what do I need to do to make it better between us?”, no “why do you want to see your ex?”, no “do you still love him?”, no begging, no pleading, no supplicating, no butthurtness, no white knighting (“i’ll kill the guy!”), no manboobery (“but i thought he was a jerk to you last time you dated?”), no uber-manboobery (“i’m a card-carrying feminist! isn’t that what you wanted??!?”), and no promises to love her fitter, happier, more productively.

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Economic Game Theory Support For Male Relationship Coyness

A reader with an active mind sends along his proposition, based on the principles of economic game theory, that men should never pursue relationships, even if they ultimately want a relationship or benefit from a relationship.

Conclusion: a man should only pursue commitment-free sex, even if he benefits from a relationship. This is especially true if he approaches or chases.

The famous Pascal Wager suggests everyone should believe in God since atheism costs the same as faith, but only believers share in upside. Technically, this sort of approach is known as game theory, which is ironic since we’re talking about game. In economics and politics, game theory is used to make decisions with uncertain information.

In a simple world, a guy has a partner, or he doesn’t and he’s looking for commitment or he’s not. Therefore, he’s faced with decision A, B, C, or D. These decisions roughly correspond to what the seduction community calls frames.

Based on conventional wisdom, a woman should prefer a guy with decision A, over a guy with decision B, over a guy with decision C, over a guy with a decision D. Guy A is a single guy looking to be a family man, what more can women want? Guy B, C, D all seem like players, but at least guy B will give her the comfort of a relationship, or said differently, going from one alpha to another. There’s no apparent upside to guy D.

That said, if each guy adopts the above frame, what does it say about each man’s dating outlook?

• guy A: he’s offering commitment, which means he expects less attractive choices in the future (girl conclusion: he should aim lower than me)
• guy B: he is incapable of commitment
• guy C: he expects to at least date girls like me, yet it is uncertain if he can date anyone better than me
• guy D: he’s been preselected, and it is certain his current girl is better than me (girl conclusion: I’m not in his league)

Guy B is an interesting case, but I don’t rate him highly since guy B communicates to the woman he’s incapable of commitment, which I think reduces his long-term upside. Women want to extract commitment from a worthy man, but she knows she can’t get it from guy B. That said, he’s better than desperate guy A.

I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with chasing or approaching if the guy only has sex on his mind. It seems chasing becomes counter-productive when a relationship is the goal. It’s not clear what this framework says about direct vs indirect game, but it would seem guy D would naturally communicates via indirect game whereas guy C would have the option of direct or indirect game. I would also think guy D is limited to don’t chase game.

• guy C: indirect or direct game; chase or don’t chase game
• guy D: indirect only; don’t chase game only

If guy D is the highest value guy, the only way you’ll look like him is if you use a combination of indirect-don’t chase game. That said, guy C will have a higher notch count. Guy D will be able to do more with his girls than guy C will, physically and emotionally.

You can also simulate a “seek no commitment” outlook by treating the woman poorly.

An excellent analysis which backs up not only the personal observations and experiences of your humble Chateau hosts, but also the science which is slowly unraveling the mystery of why the most marketable chicks dig aloof jerks.

You could call this economic game theory analysis Relationship Coyness Game. The female analogue of male relationship coyness game is sexual coyness game. A man should be as insufferably, exquisitely coy about his relationship intentions as the typical woman is insufferably, exquisitely coy about her sexual intentions. A man who follows this protocol brings balance to the force; a man who jettisons his duty to answer female sexual coyness with equal relationship coyness is a feeble manboob who has made love more often to couch creases than to women.

If this game theoretic analysis has merit, then the indirect approach with muted intentions coupled with a studied aloofness to furthering the progress of any resulting relationship is the ideal strategy for most men who wish to make themselves as desirable as possible to the maximum number of high value (read: hot) women, given the constraints placed on them by their objective status or genetic endowment and the availability of any serious male competition.

And, in support of the game theory take on seduction, the women I have dated who have been the most exasperatingly, head over heels, obsessed with me have been those women I dragged my feet with the most. In contrast, the women I went out of my way to assure them of my relationship intentions were those women who perplexingly (to me, at the time) assumed the role of the foot-dragging man.

If you, as a man of stout penis, DO NOT seek a relationship, you gain nothing, and possibly hurt your chances, if you tell women that you are interested in a relationship, or if you behave as if your goal is a committed relationship. You are better off aligning your behavior with your true intentions.

If you, as a man of stout heart, DO seek a relationship, you STILL gain nothing, and possibly hurt your chances, if you act with the intention of committing long-term to the women you wish to bed. You are better off behaving exactly as the no-commitment-man above, and basically concealing your relationship intentions. This strategy will invoke a paradox of the female mind, wherein any relationship is more likely to develop under auspices of uncertainty and male coyness that are so thrilling to women’s senses and so fulfilling to women’s hypergamous desires for high(er) value mates.

Best case scenario for men who can’t help but fawn over women with promises of commitment and marriage is that their supplication will not push the girl away. But neither will it draw her much closer, at least not during the critical beginning stages of the dating trajectory. The most likely scenario is that she will come to devalue the man who readily promises the one treasure he has to offer at his disposal: male commitment. And once he is devalued in her mind, it’s a few short hamster rationalizations to suffering the indignity of getting his niceguy ass dumped for being “too nice”.

So far, so good. But… I think where this game theoretic analysis breaks down is at the extremes. For instance, a man who is much higher value than the woman he wishes to meet, or the woman he is already fucking, can afford to liberally promise vows of commitment. His revealed commitment intentions will allay a lower value woman’s feelings of inadequacy. Furthermore, a woman in such an arrangement feels no exigency to “chase” an aloof man as practical proof of his alpha male worth, because the higher status of her partner is so obvious to her. Of course, this just begs the question of why a high value man would bother settling for dating much lower value women. I guess some guys don’t mind lower quality sex if it means zero headaches and drama.

I wonder what mood-affiliated economist Cheap Chalupas thinks of all this? And then I wonder why I love taunting that guy so much.

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Marriage Vs LTRs

Let’s compare two men.

Man 1 abjures marriage. He grows older moving from one long term relationship to another, experiencing relative instability in his love life but also the thrill of the hunt and the popping freshness of pussy varietals. As he ages, the number of women who are willing to abide his no-marriage clause shrinks, as does the youthful quality of the women. But he partly compensates for this inevitability with tight game and a charming, devil-may-care attitude, which allows him to punch above his weight well into his dotage. He has no heirs that he knows of, and for some reason this does not bother him as much as people tell him it should, but the fact that he is not bothered does bother him. He wonders, often now that the years ahead of him are far fewer than the years behind him, if one of those women he loved was one to hold to the exclusion of all others. At the end, he wheezes his last with memories of hundreds, perhaps thousands, of women — of their loving ministrations and tender caresses and fleeting intimacies between window blind shafts of sunlight — dancing through his head, and in the company of a nebulous regret that refuses to dislodge.

Man 2 abjures bachelorhood. He marries at 30 after a trio of lukewarm short term relationships, and because he is a good man (or, more likely, because he is a man of middling status and dull personality with limited options in the sexual market which alleviates any threats of temptation against his virtue) he never cheats and puts his heart into pleasing his wife, who, because of her biology, inexorably grows less interested in sex with him, as her own attractiveness subsides in accord with her fattening waistline. He is healthy and content, all things considered, and he grows old fondly remembering his wife as she was many years ago, sexy and slender and whimsical, while the allure of her pussy — the only pussy he has seen and felt in twenty years — gradually diminishes, until the time comes he would rather caress pretty strangers with his eyes than caress his wife with his hands. He has two children, of whom he is very proud and loves very much, but still their existence does not relieve the gnawing that grips him in the chest when he thinks of love, and desire, that left him long ago. At the end, he wheezes his last in the company of his old wife’s tears and clouded eyes, and he drifts off to forever with memories he wished he had, and memories so distant they have receded to mere imagination.

Now… ask yourself: Which of these two men had it better?

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