Reader Wrecked ‘Em requests a bit of the ol’ ultrawisdom of the crowd.
Question for the crowd:
A friend (really) just discovered that his annoying but excessively hot girlfriend is cheating on him. I’ve said for a while that she has “round heels” (falls on her back easily when given attention – she’s big ego, low self-esteem). They’ve been in a 3-year relationship. She doesn’t know he knows. He has plenty of options, so a hard next is a no-brainer, but as a social experiment we’re trying to decide what the most brutal drop would be, with the constraint that it has to be almost no effort on his part. It’s come down to:
a) a call of the form:
him: don’t ever speak to me again.
her: What did I do?
him: You know what you did. *click*
b) drop all contact and let her figure out that she’s been dumped.
He has the self-control and the next-babe-on-tap options to never contact her again. Opinons, suggestions?
Vengeance is as natural as love, and sweeter still. But life is short, women are numerous, and the cock waits for no one. There will be those, like YaReally…
Simply walk away. There’s no reason to torture or punish her…she already punished herself by losing access to his cock, she just hasn’t realized it yet.
…who argue the sensible response so that time and energy are spared for more fruitful pursuits, and then there will be those, like gunslingergregi…
beat her at about half the power you would a dude
…who advocate more extreme measures of retaliation which make a mockery of sensibility.
But we here at CH prefer a response that is neither eminently sensible nor sloppily extreme. Our favored method for exacting delicious vengeance on a cheating whore is more devious in design, and therefore more likely to strike the pain illimitable into the heart of a whore’s sperm-shellacked, shaft-scarred soul.
If the only two revenge options are as presented by Wrecked ‘Em, then Option B — total radio silence — is the better choice. Option A: Calling a whore out is never as satisfying for a man as it sounds on paper (or in one’s head). The danger with the call-out option is the risk of unintentionally revealing, through either uncontrollable voice quakes or injured body language, a grievous blow to his solar plexus that will more likely arouse pity than humiliation in his intended target.
On the other hand, the problem with Option B is the absence of a wonderful front row view of the aftermath of vengeful carnage. A whore has her ego crushed; if no one hears her lament or sees her pain, did she really suffer? In truth, a woman who is cheating all the time would not very much miss the sap boyfriend she was cheating on, nor very much evaluate his direct accusations and insults with furrowed-brow concern.
No, no gentlemen of cultivated honor, the perfect gift to give an unfaithful tramp is scorched ego, salted id psychological destruction that will have her reaching for the blade and slicing lengthwise.
The CH-approved Sweet Vengeance Program involves four main components, broadly arranged under the following categories:
1. preselection jealousy
2. well poisoning
3. skank PR
4. the truly perverse
Step 1, preselection jealousy.
There’s one thing that drives every woman crazy, even the most cold-hearted whore, and that’s the thought that her man is having a dalliance with another woman. The man with options is the man loved by women. Inciting jealousy will awaken long-lost feelings of vulnerability and submission in a cheater because she will not be able to resist the primal pull of your preselection.
There are many ways to provoke preselection jealously. Flirt with other women in front of her. Get “caught” on a date with another girl. As per the advice by commenter Thwack, get a female friend to “accidentally” call her number asking for you. Instruct her to hang up as soon as she is questioned by the whore about her relation to you.
Another way to provoke jealousy is by placing “badboy discoverables” around the house. She doesn’t know that you (and by “you” I’m referring to your friend) know about her cheating. Therefore, presumably, sex is still on the table. Makes sure it stays that way for the time being until your plan is fully under way. Bras, panties and earrings from “other women”, strategically located under pillows or on bedside tables so that they are easily found during the act of intimacy, will provide the most exhilarating comic relief as the whore is forced to simultaneously reconcile her orgasmic pleasure with her red-hot rage at your betrayal. Make sure to keep knives well out of reach.
Step 2, well poisoning.
Drive a wedge between her and her whore enabling girl friends and the lover to whom she’s about to monkey swing. Fire up the rumor mill. Are you on speaking terms with any of her friends? Then tell them that you and your whore have been experiencing a rough go of it lately, but you’re trying to make it work out (you want to be a sympathetic character in this play), and part of that is being totally honest with everyone you and her know. Inform them that you were sadly made aware that your whore had a fling, or a make-out in a bar, with X friend’s boyfriend or Y friend’s husband, and that she really didn’t mean anything by it, she was just lashing out at you. Tell them not to take it personally and that they should continue being friends with her because she needs the support. If subterfuge is the order of the day, perhaps hint, ever so innocently, that you didn’t know your girlfriend and X’s boyfriend were such good friends and were hanging out at lounge Y after work. Pretend to be relieved that you can trust your girlfriend so completely.
If you can get a hold of her lover, tell him you know about their tryst, and that it’s totally cool because you have an open relationship with her. You and her have a “friends with benefits” arrangement and you’re fine with her seeing him. No man, not even the most inveterate cad, likes to know he is fucking the town orifice.
Step 3, skank PR.
The killing blow. Collect any sex photos you have of the whore. If you don’t have any, set up a hidden video camera in your room and film your next love session with her. You need to get some photos of her with a cock dangling between her crossed eyes; preferably your cock, but any will do in a pinch. Bonus points if you can scrounge up a pic of a black cock in her face. Send the pic to her parents with a note saying “You raised your daughter well.” Send anonymous pics to her friends, asking if they knew she was always this much fun. If you know the dude she is cheating with, send the sex pic to him, anonymously, with a note attached that says “Glad you’re comfortable sharing.”
If you are a computer hacker, or you know the whore’s social media passwords, get online and send out a few tweets or FB updates posing as her informing the world of the good time “you” had on your dates with men X, Y and/or Z. Better still, send the tweets to whichever guy she happens to be boffing, and include her girl friends or family members in the recipients.
Step 4, the truly perverse.
How sick of mind are you? A lot? You might then prefer to venture into Step 4, where monsters roam. Acquire personal details –names, numbers, etc — of the relevant parties. Have a female accomplice pose as a nurse calling from a clinic to inform your whore that a man named X (the dude she is cheating with) came in to be tested and was diagnosed with syphilis, gonorrhea or, if you really want to run with this, the HIVvy. He mentioned her name and the clinic, in its duty as a responsible medical provider, would like her to come in and be tested for any potential STDs he may have passed onto her. Your accomplice must be a good actress to pull this off. You may have to grease her palm a bit to inspire her thespian dreams. Be present for the phone call and watch as your loving cheating girlfriend’s face grows pale; savor the moment before asking, in your most sympathetic voice, if anything is the matter. Enjoy the spectacle of whatever explanation she scrambles to piece together to give you.
You can do one, two, three or all four of the above recommended tactics against a sinning cheater. You will be richly rewarded with the kind of inner peace and happy fulfillment that only revenge, served cold and shivved deep, can provide.
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