Friday Funnies

This hamsterbation on Jizzebel is a couple years old now but it may have broken an all-time record for number of CH readers who forwarded it requesting a satisfying takedown. All you have to do is read the title to know you are about to enter… The Hamster Zone. (At this point you visualize a hamster wheel spinning through outer space.)

What kind of guy does a girl who looks like Lena Dunham ‘deserve’?

What kind of apex predator can turn down sinking his teeth into that juicy bait?

The “””article””” is about that insipid show Girls (has it fallen off the air yet?) and specifically about the episode when lumpy moocow Lena Dunham’s character gets into a relationship with an older, handsome doctor.

Yeah, try to contain your credulity.

Apparently, feminists are offended (what else is new?) that some viewers have expressed the doubleplusungood opinion that Dump-ham didn’t deserve the blind good doctor.

As Will Munny said to Little Bill before shooting him dead: “Deserve’s got nothin’ to do with it.”

No woman, or man, “deserves” a certain class of lover. Anyone who says that (and it’s mostly women who say stuff like this) is intoning a palliative for her bruised ego. Everyone has a value on the sexual market, and if you want better choices of partners you have to work to make yourself more valuable.

asdf comments:

The key takeaway from this Girls episode is no matter how much of a loser a woman is she can sleep with top quality men simply by lowering the price enough.

Not really. Girls is unrealistic. A fantasy itch for Lena. IRL, a 4 like Dunham doesn’t get sex from handsome doctors, let alone commitment. There is this meme floating around the omegasphere that all kinds of ugly and fat and old and thunderously-thighed women can get sex from alpha males at the drop of a hat, but that is a fevered concoction badly extrapolating from a loose interpretation of the functioning of the dating market. Men, especially White men, and particularly popular White men, do discriminate when choosing which women they will bang, and their discrimination will become more intense, violating all sorts of EEOC laws, when considering a woman as a long-term girlfriend or wife prospect.

Lena Dunham is repulsive to most men with options, and she will be passed over by those men for sex with prettier women, even if it means the men pay a higher price in energy and time devoted to the pursuit of prettier girls. The only way the Lenas of the world can compete with better women is by slashing their prices so low that they are practically giving away their LSMV pussies. And a bargain bin price drop is no guarantee of sex for the bottom 10-20% of women who are so gross to look at that most of them won’t get any man’s attention, let alone an alpha male’s, with their legs wide open and a neon red vacancy sign pointing at their crotches.

This is a sexual market reality that trips up a lot of bitter men who have a weird need to imagine women have it incredibly easy and men must do all the lovelorn suffering. The dregs of womanhood will suffer incel spells, and longer insol spells, although the frequency of dry spells and the duration of each dry spell will be generally less frequent and shorter for women than they will be for men of equal low mate value.

Another sex-based distinction is that women will better tolerate periods of sexlessness than will men, while men will better tolerate periods of lovelessness than will women (as long as the lovelessness is substituted with casual sex).

Now this is not to say that women, ON AVERAGE, don’t have an easier time than do men getting sex when they need it. While both men and women are discriminating in their mate and marital choices, women can afford to be more discriminating pre-sex, because the average woman’s sex is worth more than the average man’s sex. But that’s where a lot of men and women have their perspectives skewed — a man’s worth to women is not his sex so much as it is his *commitment* and *survival utility*. The woman who can extract commitment from an alpha male is a winner. The woman who can only get pumped and dumped by desperate goons is a loser. And she knows it.

So, no, the Lean Dunhams of the world are not getting banged out by high status docs, and they certainly aren’t getting proposals from them. Instead, the Lena Dunhams are dumpster diving with dirty, socially maladroit, dull, whiny milquetoasts.

And deserve’s got nothin’ to do with it.

This is sickening. Here we are, 2015 USA, and principled religious objectors are being tossed into jail over refusing to sanction deviance. The American Pilgrims escaped religious persecution to settle a new land and spark the creation of a great and free nation.

The irony is too rich for words.

A reader alerted the CH audience to an excellent write-up by a seduction forum member, The Thin Man, titled “Woman’s 3 Fantasy Archetypes“. The archetypes the author describes specifically refer to “fantasy sexual scenarios”, but they sound similar to the femme fatale personality archetypes discussed here at the Chateau.

By understanding women’s archetypical sexual fantasies, and by identifying which fantasy animates a particular woman, a man can tailor his seduction sales pitch to better match a woman’s deepest desires.

Archetype 1) Pretty Pretty Princess- In the PPP scenario the woman’s desire is to be transformed by her sexual connection to a powerful man. The most common and foundational version of this sexual scenario is the Cinderella Fairy Tail. Cinderella is a scullery maid whose inner secret class and beauty are revealed through a super natural Fairy God Mother make over and a romantic evening with a good looking, rich and powerful man… Kissing and magic shoe shopping transform her into a princess.

The transformative archetype is why the part of Pretty Woman where Richard Gere buys the dresses for Julia Roberts, is so sexy to women… She is transformed from a prostitute, with a secret heart of gold, into an elegant socialite, who is so exquisitely sensitive that she cries at Italian operas! […]

The PPP is most attracted to highly self-developed men, because she literally wants to lose herself in your world. If she is whisked away on your horse, motorcycle, pirate ship, or limo… She must put herself in your hands, change her cloths hair and manners to match your world… This mean what happens next is up to you, she is rendered open and compliant. Because the Pretty Princes is aroused by the emotional rush of the giving over her self-transformation to a man, she is the most vulnerable of the three archetypes…The Princes does not risk her body, she risks her identity.

The PPP female fantasy archetype is held by women who most desire extreme sexual/personality polarity in their relatonships. They want to feel 100% woman with a man, and to achieve this they will execute a few feints in the opposite direction to test your fortitude to stay in the hunt and bend her to your will. Leading, giving directions, making demands, creating scenarios, emphasizing sex differences, and role playing are all effective seduction and romance techniques on the PPP girl.

The Amazonian Alpha and The Gold-digger are the two types of women most susceptible to cultivating PPP fantasies. These two female archetypes, each strong in their very non-feminist, but exceedingly feminine ways, are the women who crave a man stronger than them with whom they can finally feel 100% the woman they want to be.

Archetype 2 Over Come with Passion- The 3 sexist words in the English language to an OCP are… It Just Happened… Passion women have a lot to say and unlike the girly purr of a Pretty Princes, it tends to be pretty declarative, “We just could not help ourselves and tore each other’s cloths off… We were like animals…I could not help it… I never do anything like this…We were in public… Other people might have seen… We are practically strangers… Oh god this is so fucking HOT…”

Passion woman require the strongest masculine frame from you because their sexual scenario is about letting go of their inhibitions, they are aroused by transgression and risk. She is a little frightened by the intensity of her own desire and what she might do to satisfy it. She needs to trust you with that. This is why the OCP seduction is all about passing shit tests and trading barbed comments. Each time she tests your frame and it stands up, it increases the sexual tension. She needs a man that can handle her emotion/passion who is strong and trustworthy enough for her to be able to let go of her controlled social veneer and let her true animalistic passion out.

The OCP fantasy girl is likely an Eternal Ingenue. This type is charming, psychologically manipulative, often quite pretty, and occasionally slutty (while expertly concealing her sluttiness to less experienced men). The Thin Man is right about this girl: She is a master of the shit test and beta bait, and won’t relent qualifying you, which will usually trip up betas. The Eternal Ingenue is always seeking the “perfect romance”, and this is why she exhibits a predilection for fantasies involving passionate escalation that fills her with hope her search for the ideal lover could be over.

If you balk at grabbing girls and violently kissing them at unauthorized moments, then you will fail with the OCP ingenue.

Archetype 3 Submission Fantasy- Many woman have a variety of submissive fantasy scenarios, but whether they are imagining bondage, rape, coercion, discipline, being a pet animal, or spanked like a naughty school girl, all submissive fantasy has one thing in common. She is not in charge… And so does not have to be responsible for the sex act… I am not a dirty like that, he made me do it… I was tied up…and uh… I loved it.

Submission women have found a loop hole that removes their ASD. How can I be being slutty if I was handcuffed to the bed… For many woman their innate sexual resistance is at war with their desire. Their sub conscious fixes the problem with scenarios where their volition in the sex act is somehow compromised. This is the key to Submission woman… They are not fundamentally about the spankings or the handcuffs or the rough sex… although it is likely they will enjoy some or all of these things; Submission Women fundamentally crave being told what to do. The way to tease out submission fantasy is to tell her to do something and see how she reacts. I usualy start with, “ Sit here… and let me look at you,” said with a strong contained sexual state and a closed mouth smile.

Ah, the submission fantasy. All women have submission fantasies, to a lesser or greater degree, but some women craft their identity around them. The candidate archetype most likely to have submission fantasies is the Waif/Neurotic.

The Waif Neurotic is dangerous because she is emotionally manipulative through use of her vulnerability and commitment avoidance. A vulnerable, pretty girl playing hard to get is kryptonite to naive men. She is a master at the art of the push-pull, capable of driving men insane with her opacity and her mixed messages. For this reason, game tactics that “flip the script” work quite well on her.

The Waif-Neurotic often has submission fantasies because she craves what she hardly every experiences: a cocky, aloof man who won’t fall for her shit and who won’t beg her for signs of reciprocal romance. All she knows is that men dance to her tune, and she would kill for a challenge once in a while. In the act of submitting to a ZFG man she finds release from her romantic ennui, and for the first time in her life falls in love… with no psy ops strings attached.


Agent X adds,

An interesting follow-up would be the proclivities of these archetypes to cheating….and how to keep her faithful in a relationship.  Number 2, in particular, seems like a thrill junkie that is eventually going to end up in bed with the mailman unless that addiction to “ooooh..what am I even doing??” isn’t satisfied by some kind of risky/public sex life.

Number 1 would seem to be safe as long as Prince Even More Charming didn’t come along, but I suppose that’s basic hypergamy.  However, since her fantasy involves transformation and some kind of “story”, it would seem she’d be far less likely to slink into the bar broom closet with Chad on a business trip.

Number 3 seems to be the least naturally inclined to cheating.  A basic level of frame would seem to keep her happily in her place submitting to her man.

Overall, Number 2 seems to be the one least likely to remain faithful long term.  If your game involves relatively young divorcees or naughty housewives, it would seem your playbook is simplified a bit.  I-Don’t-Know-What-We’re-Doing Game.

Yes, #2 — the OCP (Overcome by Passion) woman — is the greatest infidelity risk.

Here’s a serviceable CH Maxim (that would be less salient for men with game):

Maxim #31: The faster a woman falls into bed, the faster she’ll fall into another bed.

When (psychologically healthy, retained survival instinct) White America has nightmares about a demographic tsunami of illegal aliens swamping their electoral prerogative and ruining their cultural, aesthetic, economic, and environmental heritage, Mexicans usually come to mind. But that’s a woefully incomplete picture of the massive and worldwide scale of the immigration invasion to America’s, and Europe’s, White homelands.

The immigration invasion and (so far) bloodlessly genocidal extirpation of Whites from their own countries has its origins in many foreign non-White lands. This map shows the countries of origin of the second most populous immigrant groups leeching living in each US state:

A lot of Phillippinas, Chinese, subcontinental Indians, and, emerging as the next big wave to (re)settle Minnesota, Africans.

Here’s an illegal immigrant country-of-origin map for the year 2012, created from US Dept of Homeland Security statistics.

Not even Whyte. Look at that big fat goose egg representing any immigrants coming from Europe. This is nothing less than total displacement of one race by other races, and it doesn’t matter if the displacement is “illegal”, since the powers that be consider such legalistic fictions to be mere technicalities on the path to a New World GloboCorpBorg.

Are you a PUA hoping that the huddled masses will bring a few huddled hotties your way? Think again.

Sorry, no immigrant Poon Paradise here. Open Borders is Closed Beavers. Unless grandmas make you horny.

In 2013, Mexico was overtaken by both China and India as a source of new invaders to America. Emotionally-barren spergs rejoice at the arrival of our Oriental high IQ overlords, but the rest of us know the score: Increased corruption, nepotism, low trust, social disconnection, and the loss of the myriad intangibles that comprise a culture and make it livable for the founding people who were the creators of that culture.

Is an Asian Future really better than a Mexican Future in America? Eh, I’m not so sure about that. I am sure that a White Future for, shock!, Whites would be best, but for some reason that position is considered beyond the pale of settled discussion by the Puppeteers and the hordes of pants-wetting escapees from the funny farm.

Depressing post. I’ll end it on a high note. Here’s what a beautiful Walled World would look like:

Background on the above map. It’s basically a map depicting border walls around territories where 73% of the world’s income exists. Or: it’s a map of the White World (and honorary Whites, the Japanese) walling off the non-White hinterlands.

A suspiciously unified voice of whiny snark is heard over the Realtalk. “But you can’t just build a wall. A wall won’t do anything to stop the Vibrancy Enrichment!”

Really, now? Tell that to the Israelis. Their wall is working so well that news of it must be ignored by the American Hivemind, lest her own people get the same idea.

According to the most recent quarterly figures published by the Population, Immigration and Borders Authority, 36 people have been caught trying to enter [Israel’s] southern border since January.

It’s an incredible drop after 10,440 were caught in 2012, 17,298 in 2011 and 14,715 in 2010. In the years before that, the numbers were lower but still in the thousands.

Walls work, and construction costs are more than paid for in a few years time.

The fence along the Israel-Egypt border built over several years cost an estimated $377 million, according to the Times of Israel. The Algemeiner reported that the main section of the fence – a 143-mile stretch – took two years to build.

$377 million is chump change to our bloated US government. The US spends over $12 billion on bilingual education programs alone. Even scaling up to the length of the US-Mexico border, it’s clear that cost of construction would be more than worth it in savings down the road.


Related to the subject of this post, reader Steely Dan writes about the reality of interracial dating.

I’ve been talking about the interracial-dating disparity for years. Nobody ever wanted to listen. The number of white women who date inter-racially compared to the number of white men who do in my area is quite significant. People always told me that “it doesn’t affect me” and I shouldn’t care. But it does affect all white males. The number of single white males in my area is much larger than the number of single white females.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what an abundance of single men does to a man’s chances to find a woman. There’s a reason men don’t like to go to parties where it’s mostly other men. Hell, even on mainstream websites like Yahoo, they often list Best cities for Single Men, based solely on the male/female ratio of the population. Often the cities that are best for single men only have a higher female population by a few percentage points.

Considering that, just how does one not expect the number of white women in inter-racial relationships not to affect that? On top of that, consider all of the illegal immigration. The vast majority of illegal immigrants are male. This country is turning into a sausage fest.

And who wants to live in a sausage fest.

It’s not quite the case that the “vast” majority of immigrants to the US are male, but it is a majority. And in the sexual market, all it takes is a small population size skew in the direction of one sex or the other to have profound effects on the dating culture.

Maybe The Trumpening should hit the Sausage Fest angle of immigration hard? If he talks about how immigrants are mostly men and are turning the whole country into a sword fight, I bet he’d clean up with the beta male demo. Then he could segue into how most of the immigrant men are nowags, street shitters, and stoop laborer child rapists, and clean up the White women vote.

Email #1

Reader Salta experiences sky rockets in flight… posterior delight.

In other news…
My gf was blowing me and she playfully suggested sticking her finger up my asshole; I obviously refused. Is this a subtle, subconscious shit test checking for effeminateness?

Is your girlfriend Asian? Waifus for some reason love SURPRIZE BUTTPLAY. I don’t know if it’s because a lot of Asian women know that the prostate is an erogenous zone and capable of being stimulated during sex, or because Asian women eagerly take any opportunity to fly their kink flag and throw off the Chinese finger cuffs of the modest model minority.

Regardless, your gf’s peripatetic pointer is less a (literal) shit test of your effeminacy than it is a palimpsest of her twisted libido. It’s also quite possible that she discovered the “technique” watching porn or, less benignly, she picked it up from a former lover. Don’t overthink it. Just relax and let her introduce you the the homosex gateway plug.


Email #2

Lurking Gorilla suffers a penalty of boyfrienddom that bedevils many men. (What a wonderful time the pre-phone era must have been for men, who could simply walk out of the prairie home to get away from the snapper chatter.)

Can I get your advice on something, Heartiste? You are my single most trusted source of reality-based insight on distaff matters. How do you deal with a girlfriend who wants to yap your ear off on the phone every night?

She gets hurt, upset and pissy when she doesn’t get to talk to me for 20-30 minutes on the phone each day. I see her 3-4 times a week, and the other nights she wants to talk, talk, talk, talk, despite the various texts I send her throughout the day and the strong hints that I dislike long talks on the phone. This is the only thing that annoys me about her. She’s otherwise not needy at all. Maybe I need to just sack up and get over it?

I feel your pain. Understand that the phone is a girlfriend’s means of testing your commitment to the relationship, and this is more true now that actually talking on the phone has largely been replaced by texting and ichatting.

She wants reassurance that you’ve got both feet in, and your willingness to stay on the line for a half hour every day is solid proof her program to beta-tize you is yielding fruit.

Funny thing, most men don’t like talking on the phone with girls because 1. most girls are fairly boring (talk about stuff that doesn’t interest men) and 2. we like to gaze at the girl’s pretty face and arousing body as she speaks, which fortifies us for the boredom about to commence.

This is why the PHONE GAB SHIT TEST is such a powerful tool to reassure (or warn) women about their boyfriends’ inclination to commit. If a man can stand to gab with his girl on the phone for a half hour every day without the motivating pleasure of her physical form to fill him with saintly patience, then she knows he is BREAKING BETA and well on the way to forswearing all alternative pussy for hers alone.

(For many reasons, including this one, texting has been a dating market boon for men.)

Anyhow, you need to train her like you would train a youthfully rambunctious and disobedient dog who nonetheless loves you deeply. (Read the seminal post on this topic.) You have to start taking steps away from the daily phone gab. Not all at once, mind. That might scare her into crazygirl theatrics or worse. Pull back gradually. Don’t answer her call once or twice a week. Call her back either much later or the next day. At first, have a crib sheet of excuses handy to get off the phone; later, as she’s getting accustomed to your early exits, just announce you have to go and leave it at that, promptly hanging up before she has a chance to protest.

Stay true to the woman-training formula: Punish immediately, reward intermittently. As you guide her to your preferred female behavior, get in the habit of cutting her off every time she starts to ramble, and once in a while compliment her for her brevity of communication.


Email #3

A (non-technical) wounded warrior would like to know how best to frame his scar for maximum pussy-tingling impact.

I’ve got a question – I’ll donate $20 for your answer. I recently read your Wounded Warrior Post.

I’ve got a rather large scar on my stomach. I have it because I was born 89 days early, due to my intestines rupturing in the womb, though the doctors and my parents didn’t know at the time. My father made the decision to perform surgery on me as opposed to waiting it out seeing what happened.

They cut my mother open, took me out, cut me open, took some things out, put some things in, and sewed me back up. Because of the operation, I don’t have an inferior vena cava (but I have lots of smaller veins doing the same job).

Here’s a picture:


My question is – how would you tell the story of my scar?

Yeah, I’d forget about telling the real story. That will elicit sympathy moans from women, but not tingle moans.

Yet, you don’t want a backstory so outlandish that it conflicts with your personality. Plus, the bigger the lie and the more details you need command over, the harder it will be to keep the story straight in your head.

You need to maintain some time-appropriate distance between your injury and the present day. Don’t tell girls you got it last week. I’d probably try something like, “Skateboarding accident in high school, got it while showing off for a girl. Now I know better. I let girls show off for me.”

If you don’t want to lie, you can reframe the actual story into something less clinical. “I was a bad birth, caused my mother lots of pain as she says. I guess I haven’t changed all that much.”

I invite readers to suggest alternate stories.


Email #4

This reader is ready for a safari.

i was wondering, If a white man made a dating profile on blackpeoplemeet.com would women get offended or would they be like “oh this guy doesn’t give a shit about the rules, that’s alpha as fuck tingles tingles tingles.

what do you think?

Both. Taking offense and tingles are mutually inclusive. Naturally, a lot of the black women will think you’re trolling, so you’ll need to drop more “sincerity” game than you would normally use on white chicks. For example, “If I can’t put a beer on a girl’s ass when she’s standing up I don’t wanna know her.”


Email #5

H-man asks,

How do you deal with a woman that flirts with another man in your presence after you have entered comfort with her?

You aren’t in “comfort stage” if she’s flirting with another man.

I met this young girl – senior in college. I’m 26 and successful professional. I approached her and her friend early in the night and they joined me in a trivia team (it was trivia night at the bar, they didn’t know).

We had a great time and my girl started getting tipsy. The other friend left while I assured them both I’d take care of my girl. We spent time at the bar talking about all kinds of things. Her confusion with life and whatnot, she started tearing up a bit. I went in for the kiss and and she kissed but turned away but kept letting me reach her lips.

Sounds like you jumped into rapport too soon, before you had enough attraction. Did you qualify her, tease her, neg her, playfully push her away, flirt with other girls in her company?

When we transitioned to a different part of the bar she latched onto the first guy she saw. I’m way more attractive than him I know it was all from her making me jealous.

Well, maybe. It could also be that she found the other man more enticing and decided it was time to end the fun with you before your expectations got too high.

She started playing with his hair and he was surprised but just went with it. About 5 minutes of this nonsense I told I’m going home (I had mentioned it earlier, I was trying to pull her home). In her excitement playing with the other guy she said “okay go”. So I just left.

Wondering how to nip this type of behavior in the bud next time.

Ok, what we have here is one of two scenarios:

An immature attention whore who DOES like you and thinks that the way to arouse you to action is by making you jealous (women are dumb, #3,496 in a series) OR

A femme fatale who enjoyed your emotional tamponing and lustful stares but had no intention of following through with her putative end of the deal.

In future, you nip this behavior in the bud by avoiding premature capitulation to “talking about all kinds of things” with a girl before you have challenged her to prove her worth to you. Please consult the archives by doing a search for “game techniques”, “qualification”, “teasing”, and “push-pull”.

Also, don’t rely on drunkenness to gauge a girl’s attraction for you. Many girls will flirt ostentatiously when drunk, but will pull back when their flirting is reciprocated a little too strongly.


Email #6

Benson wants to know how best to trim some hedges.

I would like some feedback on this approach.

I picked my brother up from the rental car place today. There was a cute blonde girl working the desk, so I decided to try for a number. She reciprocated my teasing while she filled out some paperwork, even upping the ante a little, I’d say.

Did you lap her flirting up like a hungry chump, or did you push her off a little and accuse her of watching too many rom-coms? A lot of men think that any flirting from a girl is pretext to flirt back with a hundred time the firepower, but flirting is really about engaging and disengaging in a symphony of plausible deniability.

So after she finished helping my brother, I pulled out my phone and said,

“Put your number in there.”

Her: “Why?”

“So I can text and call you.”

Her: “I have a boyfriend.”

“I won’t tell him.”

I’m not a fan of this reply. It puts frontmost in her mind the illicit nature of her interaction with you, which will trigger her ASD (anti-slut defense). Should’ve tried this instead.

Her: “But I will, and he’ll get mad that I’m texting you, and I don’t want him to get mad at you because you’re nice.”

“Call it planning for the future,” I said as I set my phone down in front of her and pointed at the key pad.

She stared at my phone for a second, look up and said, “I can’t, but I appreciate it.”

It’s sound a little dry when I type it out, but the exchange was playful. She also said most guys wouldn’t ask for a number, and it was cool that I tried. But I didn’t hit the right buttons, so tell me what I could have done better.

There are a lot of “I have a boyfriend” neutralizers of varying effectiveness. In your case, Benson, it seems like there just wasn’t sufficient time for an attraction to develop from your back-and-forth (and were her coworkers or other customers within earshot?) and, most importantly, she really could have had a boyfriend whom she loved, and her resistance was genuine.

At least she was nice in her rejection, assuring you that your romantic interest really did liven her day. A nice girl with empathy? Yeah, the odds went up that she really has a boyfriend she doesn’t want to leave.

America, Then And Now



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