I don’t lower the boom or pull the band-aid off quickly. In potentially high drama situations, I simply don’t trust a lot of the girls I dump to not come at me with a carved wooden swordfish. (It’s happened.) Nor do I break up like a beta through text or email. Nope, I just let it fade. Taking the easy way out has its virtues. No muss, no fuss.
So I kind of let the end sneak up on her. I gradually see her less. Whenever she wants to do something I say “Sure… I guess.” I don’t return calls promptly. I make a big production of NOT being chivalrous. I spend even less money on her than I normally do. Eventually, a whole week goes by where I haven’t seen her, or more than a day passes before I’ve returned a call, or she gets hit in the ass by a revolving door that I’ve barreled through first, or I’ve started recycling my “free date” options where I get to do the things I wanted to do anyhow (like sample all the Fenders in Guitar Center) and she gets to be a spectator. It’s at this point that she scratches her head and wonders “Wow, I think we’re broken up. What just happened?”
That’s my MO. I’ll know I have succeeded when I can get the girl to ask herself “What just happened?”
What just happened is you have crossed paths with the poonhound.
“…like sample all the Fenders in Guitar Center”
You mean to tell me that this kind of stuff counts as a date? That’s awesome.
LikeLike
that’s annoying. i always get the up front “i thought you were someone else when i met you” or “i’m not going to get into anything serious”
i mean come on, how long do you “date” these girls for? and what does “date” mean? cause in ny dating sometimes means seeing each other once or maybe twice a week. that’s not “dating” in my book.
LikeLike
This kind of break up is the most cruel. Girls are left hanging on not really knowing what went on. I’d rather hear “I know you’re not the one for me” than the scenario you describe above.
If you must do the drawn out “fade out” thing, at least tell her at the end that’s it over. Closure is important.
LikeLike
I agree with the prior comments. If you’ve been seeing her for any length of time, you should be more direct about breaking up with her. This “fade out” approach is more Beta than a text or e-mail breakup.
Worried that she’ll be a drama queen and make a scene? Well, that’s too bad. Sometimes you have to take risks.
LikeLike
Besides, drama queen scenes make for fun stories later!
… for example, I’ve had a heavy porcelain figurine thrown at me, missing my head by less than an inch. Good times.
LikeLike
Here’s a Roissy-esque rampant overgeneralization, but here we go:
Nothing makes women go absolutely bonkers like the fade-out. We always have to know and understand what’s going on, because otherwise we go batshit crazy. Ignore this advice at your peril. The fade-out can be hazardous to your health.
LikeLike
What? You’re missing prime pick up opportunities via the triangle. Take her out to the club and shamelessly flirt with other girls. Her jealousy will reel the other girls in that much faster because a lot of girls can’t resist being the “chosen one.” She’ll know it’s over when you leave with someone else.
LikeLike
Your posts in 2008 appear to have lost a little bit of that elegance you so often used to eviscerate cultural conventions.
Are you breaking up with your audience?
LikeLike
How about being more selective about the women you date, thereby lessening the number of high-drama situations? A woman who values her dignity certainly won’t bother to let you know whether she cares that you’ve lost interest.
Then you get to be direct and forthright… which will leave her longing for your integrity-filled ways.
LikeLike
i want to go out to bmore for a second date. any ideas?
LikeLike
“I spend even less money on her than I normally do.”
That’s a very funny sentence!
LikeLike
This is what VK called “The Irish Goodbye.” I used to be guilty of it all the time, but for some reason once I hit 30 it suddenly filled me with guilt. Now I look back at all the girls I pulled the Irish Goodbye on and I feel bad about it. Sometimes I even feel like pulling a “My Name Is Earl” and tracking them down and clearing my conscience. Nah.
LikeLike
the fade-out lets me milk sexytime longer.
rina – i agree that for real dating (as opposed to the casual stuff) once or twice a week is not good enough. every two days is more like it. then you move in together and shop for throw pillows!
LikeLike
Nope, I just let it fade.
If we are talking about normal women, then this just sounds like a way to make her break up with you first and feel like the superior person in the process. The person who gives the official verbal break up is the person who gets the satisfaction of feeling like and identifying as the rejector.
And if you are talking about strategically breaking up with outright psychos, I don’t see how a ‘fade’ strategy would incite their psychoticness any less than a direct breakup.
It actually sounds like a good way to nurture yourself a stalker… sabotaging and threatening your dates, and slashing the tires on your car.
LikeLike
Great. There are always two choices. Step up or step down and you’re choosing to step down over and over is no big surprise to any of us here. May surprise your girlfriends, but that is truly their problem as you well know. Carry on, you sexy little devil!!
LikeLike
I have a theory that the majority of break-ups fit into one of four categories: (1) Guy does the fade out; (2) Guy give the Girl a “talk”; (3) Girl does the fade out; (4) Girl gives the Guy a “talk.” I have exerienced all one of these types of break-ups, and I have come to the conclusion that when it comes to casual dating, the fade out is the preferred method. If you haven’t conclusively established that you are in a relationship or if you have only gone on a few dates (less than 5), than I really don’t see the need for a long drawn out conversation about why you are breaking up. Most of the time the dumper is not completely honest about why they are ending things– they will say something like “I don’t know what I want right now,” “I am not looking for anything serious,” “I have too much going on in my life right now,” etc. etc. I can remember in years gone past analyzing statements like this that I have heard from guys, and then only a few months later, it dawned on me that they just weren’t that into me, when I was using the exact same ones on guys that I was breaking up with. I think that if you are going to give somebody “the talk,” you should at least own up to the fact that you just don’t think you are right for each other and that you just aren’t really that into the relationship.
LikeLike
12: Mr. T: “Sometimes I even feel like pulling a “My Name Is Earl” and tracking them down and clearing my conscience. Nah.”
They may like you for it. You may help them regain some of their faith in man kind. But only do it if it makes YOU feel better and that’s good enough reason to do anything. Obviously it still bothers you. Nice that you grew up and are paying more attention to that little inner voice that directs you to your highest purpose.
LikeLike
13 roissy: “the fade-out lets me milk sexytime longer.”
And we all know how desperate you are for THAT.
LikeLike
“What just happened is you have crossed paths with The Roissy.”
That’s great. I would only change one thing. “The Roissy” to “The Passive-Aggressive”.
LikeLike
This is totally lame. Just break up with her. Believe me, she’ll be crushed at worst, but then she’ll get over it (you).
LikeLike
you should at least own up to the fact that you just don’t think you are right for each other and that you just aren’t really that into the relationship.
The excuses are polite ways to let someone down, you should know what they mean. Do you go up to a host of a boring party and tell him or her that the party is boring, or do you say that you’re tired and have to go home?
LikeLike
I will only speak for women, but judging by the number of hours most women spend analyzing the things men say to them, and the number of dating books out there (NOTE: “He’s Just Not That Into You”) I think that its safe to say that there are ALOT of women out there who do not understand the cryptic messages men are giving them.
LikeLike
there are ALOT of women out there who do not understand the cryptic messages men are giving them.
i had breakfast with my friend a few days ago and she told me that it’s really hard to know when a guy is playing you. They say all these things that make it seem like they’re obsessed with us. I wanted to slap her. I was like “WOMAN! The ones that really like you are the ones who are slightly nervous in your company, rather than the super confident ones.” She had no idea.
LikeLike
I think women are actually even better at the fade out than men. They may be less aware that its happening………..but as soon you feel it might be happening……its fucking happening. Best way to counter it, for a guy is to start your own fade out process. Kind of like a back burn to a forest fire. Your only chance to stop it.
LikeLike
“I simply don’t trust a lot of the girls I dump to not come at me with a carved wooden swordfish.”
You are truly paranoid and of course attract frightening situations. Nothing is more scary than a woman to a passive-aggressive and rightfully so.
LikeLike
Got to agree with the other posters, this is a pretty weak move if the girl is someone you’ve been seeing on anything more than a casual basis. Playing the “game” is one thing, but treating women like crap and acting the coward is another.
Serious break-ups should be handled like a man, and that requires allowing her to keep her dignity. Do it at her place so she’s not awkwardly forced to hail a cab or ask you for a ride back (not after sex either), be direct and to the point but not needlessly harsh, and don’t stick around for more than a half hour after breaking the news.
Doing it this way also keeps open the possibility that she won’t eventually come to see you as an asshole loser, and might even hook up with you again, should rapprochement be in the works.
LikeLike
Try intentionally going all beta – it doesn’t take much, not surprisingly, and she’ll head the other way. Fast.
It’s kind of entertaining to watch how deeply, quickly, and efficiently attraction can be crushed.
I’m still amazed by how hard-wired the stimuli-response mechanism is, and it’s neat to watch the switch flip from positive to negative live, in real time, right before your eyes.
And she gets to walk away feeling like she did the dumping.
You’re entertained, and she feels superior. Win-win.
LikeLike
27 JT “it’s neat to watch the switch flip from positive to negative live”
Oh please grow up, will you? Oh, never mind.
26 Aex “Playing the “game” is one thing, but treating women like crap and acting the coward is another.”
You got me coming and going here. Am I missing something or does “game” not = head fuck? If “game” is so innocent, why call it “game”? I could use some “ammunition”, go out into “the field”, use my feminine allure and charms, “target” a rich man, get him to spend wads of cash on me, not put out and dump him quickly or do the fade out after the bills were paid. Oh, but that’s different. That’s not “game” that’s much worse? Really? I have a lot needs as far as getting my bills paid over here.
You know, we could be making this earth a nice place to live; instead there’s crap like this to deal with. It’s not that complicated, is it? Today is as good a day as any to start being authentic. Do you want to fake it forever? You won’t even know how to NOT fake it after awhile.
LikeLike
LOL
LikeLike
Betas are the new alphas. Alpha rule is coming to an end. Women are no longer looking exclusively for alphas anymore.
LikeLike
Roissy, how the hell do you not have hordes of stalkers.. ?
That seems the logical conclusion to this method. Maybe you’ve had luck with your picks.
I’m just quite blatantly not understanding how you make it work. There’s more to it, perhaps from how you choose the girls and the dynamic of the ‘relationship’.
LikeLike
31 B: Roissy’s so-called luck may be running out. Who knows what his life is actually like? Heaven, hell, limbo, or purgatory?
LikeLike
Uh Sara why are you so damn bitter? Just get over yourself and move on with life. Feeding this negative feedback loop isn’t going to help you. Read the Power of Now if you must, it might help you.
Game is just a convenient label, because it is a game. The mating process is supposed to be fun. It isn’t some contrived set of military maneuvers against, “them.” Don’t mistake Roissy’s self amusement for manipulation, women have their own minds to decide with and whether to tolerate the bullshit. If a woman gets so attached to a man that she needs him to complete him then she is coming from a place of neediness and betaness (CHODE). Being beta for a woman is just as bad as it is for men. You don’t need anyone or anything to complete you. You are already complete. Oh and please cut the oxytocin, dopamine bullshit. Brain chemistry is important, but it only affects us to the extent that we let it. Otherwise there would be hords of depressed women out there (oh wait there are and there is a multi billion dollar industry built around people being kids instead of adults). Not that legitimate depression doesn’t exist.
One more thing: Game isn’t about swirly twirly routines. Roissy just happens to like Mystery Method (I have no idea why other than it was the first company aside from NLP master Ross Jeffries speed seduction company). Game is about removing filters that prevent you from being a cool guy.
LikeLike
^ If you say so.
LikeLike
BTW Mr. 33 Anonymous, I don’t take myself nearly as seriously as you think. At least not at the moment. If I’ve struck a nerve, what can I say? Join the club? I’ve read many many many many many books. Many very much like “The Power of Now”. I have a great sense of humor and laugh many times every single day. Perhaps I should post some jokes or dirty limericks. l I love the fact that we have freedom of speech and expression in this country.
Roissy and I have attracted each other. Yes, it’s true. We have asked for each other!! Else I would not be here, being a royal pain in his and your ass. I find your commentary interesting and amusing. You cannot make me or anything go away by attempting to push it away. There is no assertion in the universe, only attraction. Perhaps you could learn something if your mind were more open. Being here is providing a great outlet. I feel much better, thank you. I’m enjoying myself, so why not just enjoy yourself too?
LikeLike
Fade outs are the worst. Everyone knows “the talk” is less than honest, but at least it’s polite and respectful. Perhaps you’ll have to sit through a couple of scenes-but on the bright side, at least you’ll have better and more interesting material to blog about.
LikeLike
Tried this system and it works.
http://alphamalesystem.com/?hop=starsigns
LikeLike
I don’t know. Your method seems a little callous. Or maybe it’s just your attitude.
LikeLike
Pickup techniques from a WOMAN!! Awesome.
http://www.guygetsgirl.com/index.php?hop=starsigns
LikeLike
Anonymous 37 and 39 is a spamming piece of shit.
LikeLike
I don’t understand, as JT said, why going opposite won’t work. Fade out will confuse and upset the hell out of a girl.
But going Beta with the insecurity and clinginess will make a girl want to do the dumping. The only problem is that it may hurt chances for post-breakup hookup, but if the beta is only limited to a certain portion of time and the guy returns to alpha and shows positive personality traits to the girl AFTER the breakup, she’ll regain the attraction WITHOUT the negative heartbreak association. Everyone wins, no?
Simple. Figure out what a girl likes a guy for: fashion, humor, looks, money. And simply no longer demonstrate those qualities to her. Love is conditional.
LikeLike
You’ve got to be kidding. That’s neither Beta nor Alpha-that’s just being an unfeeling, cold fished wuss. Do this often enough and you’ll severely limit your dating pool.
LikeLike
42, uberfrau. Thank you. Finally someone here with some intelligence.
LikeLike
Sara, come on. You’re only saying she’s intelligent because she agrees with you. Not that she’s wrong, of course, but the people you’re arguing with, including Roissy, obviously have some smarts. Denying that just makes you look petulant and weakens your own position.
The appropriateness of the fade-out depends on the nature of the relationship and the amount of time it’s been going on. Anything less than a month is fair game for a fade-out. Beyond that, if you’ve established a fuck-buddy arrangement, the fade-out is also appropriate, no matter the amount of time passed — provided it’s been explicitly discussed at some point. If you think she’s a fuck-buddy and she thinks she’s your girlfriend, she’s going to be hurt.
In a committed, serious dating situation — which I don’t think Roissy was describing (or necessarily even has had as far as we know) — an official breakup is called for. The party doing the breaking up should go to the other party’s house, deliver the news gently but firmly, do some verbal comforting if necessary, and get the fuck out. Do not respond to any calls, texts, or emails unless they have to do with getting back belongings or something equally concrete. If they’re calling to discuss “the relationship” or “the situation,” that’s no good.
The tricky ones are in the gray areas. What if you’ve been seeing a girl a couple of times a week for three months, during which time you’ve determined that you’ll never be able to really love her, but she’s getting pretty attached? You have to play those situations by ear and be prepared for some messiness.
LikeLike
44 Reggie: Don’t have much time to respond to this now, but
“…makes you look petulant and weakens your own position.”
I AM petulant and don’t really HAVE a position to defend unlike most of the posters here. In fact I have no image to defend whatsoever.
Gotta go, a fun outing is calling me and a beautiful rainy day.
LikeLike
44 Reggie:
“…the people you’re arguing with, including Roissy, obviously have some smarts.”
There’s a big difference between smarts and intelligence. A brief explanation:
“Intellect collects information: it is a memory system. Intelligence needs no information: it goes through a TRANSformation. Intellect goes through ready-made answers. Intellectuals are parrots–they don’t have their own understanding.
The intelligent person lives moment to moment, not through borrowed answers; he has no ready-made answers. An intelligent person will make his life in such a way that it will have a poetry of spontaneity, of love, of joy. It is YOUR life, and if you are not kind enough to yOURSELF, who is going to be kind to you?
And whatsoever you call I.Q., the intelligent quotient, has nothing to do with intelligence. It is a memory quotient-it is M.Q.! Memory is nothing to brag about–a computer can have a memory and it has a better memory.”
Intellect is useful of course, but don’t be a slave to it.
O.K. now bash away whoever wants to. Call this mindless drivel. Unsubstantiated nonsense, illogical idiocy, airy fairy thinking. Call it wrong!! Accuse me of not living by it. What do I care about being right or doing right all the time? I’m not going to pretend to be without major flaws.
LikeLike
33 Anon: I agree with you as far as women should not need a man to complete them. Neediness is a turn off in either sex. But about choosing to be effected by hormones? Yes, there is a certain leeway, but within limits. Women ARE more effected by oxytocin. A man can ignore the effects of oxytocin, but it’s much harder for a woman to. There’s nothing wrong with NOT ignoring it either,is there? It’s an individual choice. We can’t completely ignore our biology. We’re not machines. How much choice do you have as far as how testosterone effects you?
LikeLike
breakups will never be easy. maybe *you* have a preference, but that’s al it is, a preference. short of some pill that would make someone forget they ever knew you, fading away is about as gentle as it gets.
closure smosure; think there’s some magic words that would give ms perpetual rant some closure ? i wish there were and then maybe she would closure her mouth.
LikeLike
This is pretty much the easiest way to stave off the inevitable crying, keying of the car, or in Roissy’s case – direct physical violence.
Also (and I’m sure Roissy has used this to good advantage) it’s one of the best way’s to ensure you can hook up with her again in a time of need.
Nothing like leaving a girl wondering what she did wrong and desperate for closure to set up that “dry spell” bang down the road. . . It’s almost like letting it slip to one of her gf’s that she wasn’t that good in bed or seemed inexperienced, a lot of girls will obsess about “proving” themselves, and guarantee at least an encore.
It’s pretty much a dick move though, and VERY beta unless done with full, manipulative intent for future nookie.
LikeLike
49 FnC: “It’s pretty much a dick move though, and VERY beta unless done with full, manipulative intent for future nookie.”
Sorry FnC but you are one sick fucker.
48 cjm: You’re not a fast learner, are you?
LikeLike
CJM: I’m baaaack! Just want to ask if maybe you’d prefer the perverted “logic” of the twisted FnC to my “perpetual rant”? Perhaps he could be your new role model. hehe. I’m amazed that people are allowed to roam freely.
LikeLike
People like that, I mean. Good God, he’s a freak!!
LikeLike
Sara, nice attempt at a reframe of what I said, but you just further prove my point. Stop being so damn bitter about game. Sounds like you are jealous that your woman kind has lost the control over a lot of men they once had. You may have read a lot of books, but you have obviously not internalized a single one, since you still have all these deep emotional problems that you feel the need to vent about and lash out here on Roissy’s blog. So don’t give me that I don’t care BS because you obviously do. If you truly don’t care though, then I am extremely happy for you. My post wasn’t meant to push your buttons, I was just trying to break things down for you so you could leave behind some of the bitterness. 🙂
LikeLike
Fuck Roissy why the fuck does the smiley face have to look so evil.
LikeLike
“Sounds like you are jealous that your woman kind has lost the control over a lot of men they once had.”
Hmmm….interesting extrapolation. WRONG!!!
“feel the need to vent about and lash out here on Roissy’s blog.”
Where’s the tissues? Poor Roissy!
“Don’t give me that I don’t care BS because you obviously do.”
I concede on this point to some degree.
“I was just trying to break things down for you so you could leave behind some of the bitterness.”
Is that you, CJM, er anonymous? Very nice of you, but perhaps I’m just not quite ready to let go of the bitterness? It has a nice bite to it. 😀
Gee, I did not mean to offend anyone.
LikeLike
Now isn’t this more exciting than some of the intellectual garbage that gets dished out here regularly? I enjoy a good fisticuffs now and then. Hey, if you weren’t in agreement-but also in denial-about some of the things I’ve said, I guarantee they would not piss you off.
LikeLike
Ridiculous! Just break up with her, silly.
LikeLike
Don’t waste her time! Be respectful. R-E-S-P-E-C-T is what everyone wants. You’re dissing her. What goes around comes around. Treat others the way you want to be treated. You guys analyze things way, way too much. Save your brain power for fixing your car or something!!
LikeLike
” gets hit in the ass by a revolving door that I’ve barreled through first.”
Am sure glad I’m not dating YOU!!
LikeLike
😉
LikeLike
Sigh, no Sara I’m not CJM. Let go of the feeling of bitterness, the only reason you like it is because it is familiar. It’s hard to change, but do so for your own wellbeing, you’ll be much happier for it. Good luck. : ) [insert smiley that isn’t evil looking]
LikeLike
61 anon; How can I possibly find fault with such well meaning and altruistic sentiments? “Let go of your bitterness, Sara.” “Change for your own wellbeing, Sara.” “You’ll be much happier, Sara.” “Listen to me, Sara!” (insert evil looking smiley face)
I think you must be an Enneagram type 1 or 2.
LikeLike
Like The Game, The Style Diaries showcases the attribute that sets Strauss apart from other self-help writers: his desire to question and critique his own self-help program, even as he enjoys its over-the-top rewards. As he puts it, “I hurt people’s feelings, made bad choices, took unhealthy risks, missed important opportunities, and committed irreversible blunders. I also had some amazing sex. And therein lies the conflict.” His stories of bizarre and troubling romantic conquests must be read to be believed.
LikeLike
sara just has no real life to attend to and spends the majority of her time on Roissy’s blog, waxing poetic about how smart she is and how roissy is such a misogynist.
I suspect she is overweight and has cats.
LikeLike
and obviously since she has admitted to being divorced twice, no man in the real world can stand her.
seems that translates to the virtual world as well, no?
If I remember correctly, men usually don’t like cantankerous bitter shrews…
LikeLike
64, 65; not overweight, one cat. Here is an excerpt from an email from one of my male friends yesterday.
“Thanks so much My bestest friend gotta alota love for ya honey.”
and another today. Short but sweet. “how are you doin hun?”
Both happen to be much younger than I. In fact I have so many younger male friends who love me. They would do anything for me. You have no idea how much I am loved by the opposite sex. The difference is, these are real authentic beautiful giving men, who respect women and would never in a million years even visit a site such as this. They would ask me why I was wasting time here.
I find it so amusing that you just cannot stand the thought that I might be anything other than a shrewish man hating frigid dried up bitch! Well you are so wrong but continue with your fantasy if it makes you happy.
LikeLike
65, “and obviously since she has admitted to being divorced twice, no man in the real world can stand her.” Though I don’t have contact with my first husband he did in fact want me back and admitted that he deserved me leaving him. My second husband (the father of my daughter) still loves me. He’s remarried and I have nothing but respect for him. Even his mother and I remained great friends and she knew that I had to divorce him. It was a wake up call for him and the best thing.
But we’ve gotten off topic. I just really think so much of the “seduction community” tactics, gaming and this particularly passive aggressive method of breaking up is very immature and just so much manipulative bullshit. If you just look at men who have been living that lifestyle for long periods of time (Jack Nicholson), Mystery, etc. and you want to aspire to that, go ahead. Personally, I think they’re pathetic. At least in the case of Jack Nicholson, a very famous womanizer, no woman in her right mind will feel deceived.
LikeLike
When a guy pulls this type of break up on me I end up thinking he’s an asshole, not an alpha. I think a lot of guys believe they’re “saving a woman’s feelings” by allowing her to think he’s an asshole when they break up with her. What it really is….people prefer the drama. Normal respectful behavior doesn’t have juice.
LikeLike
Ah, there is your mistake. I never said it made me happy to think that you are a frigid unattractive shrew. And way to use emails from male FRIENDS, I repeat FRIENDS, as validation of your attractiveness to the other sex. Do these guys want to fuck you? No, they’re FRIENDS and so they either are not attracted to you, or they’re not available to you. Either way, their confirmation of you being the BEST is not relevant. Nice try though. Also, I just don’t see what you get out of being so johnny on the spot with the comments, it’s like an obsession with you, you are by far, the MOST prolific commenter on Roissy’s blog and you always repsond, which leads me to think you’re a troll who sits by your computer seeking approval all day and all night. Which of course if you were an attractive woman, you would have no interest in doing, because, oh I don’t know, you’d be out having a life, rather than always refuting roissy and his posts, which if you had half a brain or common sense or even a sense of irony, you’d realize that probably are 85% motivated to incense reactions from women like you and betas. Do you really think that Roissy believes even half of his own shit? No, of course not, he’s an educated intelligent man who knows how to write to an audience, and how to stir the pot. Yes, he probably has great “game” but I doubt that he’s so one dimensional in person. And he believes in love, however begrudgingly he admits it, so obviously he’s not a vapid beta posing as an alpha.
I am sure you’ll respond to this comment too, but I am not sure if I care enough to come back and read it.
LikeLike
[…] January 7, 2008 After class tomorrow, I’m expecting some light will be dawned upon what I can only assume is a fade-out. A fade-out, according to Roissy in DC is THE way to break-up. See his article here: How I Break Up With Girls « Roissy in DC. […]
LikeLike
69, “Do these guys want to fuck you? No, they’re FRIENDS and so they either are not attracted to you, or they’re not available to you.”
The only reason these guys are “only” friends is because I will NOT fuck them! One is separated from his wife and is a business partner, the other is way too young but I know without a doubt he would fuck me. You make so many assumptions in your post it’s astounding. Yeah, there’s a lot going on with me right now emotionally and mentally. I’m admittedly not datable at this time. (But I had an amazing dream last night which may indicate I’m getting ready) My job requires sitting at the computer a lot and I have a Mac with great response time and an active mind. I love to get into the nitty gritty of life, relationships, sex (love sex) and I’m very opinionated and “response”-able. No trolls over here though I’m behaving a bit troll like, I admit. But of course you won’t be back to read this response because you are so much the opposite and have such a fascinating life and would find it beneath you to respond. Uh.. Sure. kisses….
LikeLike
Sara, I wish you’d stop proving yourself. Don’t worry about how many guys out there want to sleep with you, and don’t bring that on to this blog. Because really, why do you need to show off to these people?
It’s a lot more fun to toss verbal water balloons in all directions and laugh your ass off.
LikeLike
72, Shannon: Call me daft, but I fail to understand exactly why, what I use blogging for, makes any difference to you. Sometimes I may take things a bit too seriously for some people’s tastes but bottom line…it’s a blog. May I suggest that your need to “parent” might benefit from some self examination? Maybe it’s just your nature to tell people what they should (your super ego talking) or should not say in general, but it’s my nature to say whatever the hell I feel like. It’s one nice thing about blogging, is it not? Free speech and all that. If I want some parental advice I will call my mother. ;D
Do you like my new moniker? CJM crowned me with it. I love it!!
LikeLike
My need to parent is only surpassed by your need to bring self-help claptrap into every friggin’ post. It makes a difference to me because it’s sucking the fun out of the comments section.
Here’s a longer version of what I was trying to say. You write this post over and over:
“No! I’m not a hideous shrew! In fact, I’m really hot and awesome and let me list all the guys that want to fuck me! Some are younger, some are older, some are tall, some are short. Wooo! And let me tell you all about the foursomes I’ve had and how incredibly fuckable I am!”
When the boys on here are calling you ugly, they’re baiting you and pulling your pigtails. They WANT you to respond and have a fit. Nobody really wants you to prove your fuckability. It gets almost as old as Gannon’s perpetual love of 19-year-olds.
I’ve been called hideous once or twice around here, and I don’t really argue that point. It’s entirely possible that mirrors and boys have been lying to me for all these years.
Free speech is a wonderful thing, but it ain’t a free pass. Please stop posting the same essay over and over, as it is, I usually just skim past what you write.
LikeLike
74, Shannon: Whoa, I really hit a sore spot.
“They WANT you to respond and have a fit.”
Yes, I know that about men. They want attention and negative attention is way better than none. So I gave them what they want, but was not actually having a fit. 😀 It was more like a happy face.
“I usually just skim past what you write.”
Good move. What do I care? I skim past a lot of comments too. Are you having a bad hormone day? Mine have been up and down all over the map.
LikeLike
anon 69: I’m 5’4″ and weigh 118 lbs. 34C. My only point (Shannon) in bringing this up is because certain men here seem to think that a woman with my particular opinions just has to be a hideous hag. I don’t think it’s in their best interest to believe that.
LikeLike
And, MPR, my point is that by constantly proving yourself to these guys you’re just diminishing your own position.
I mean, hell, I’m 5’2″, 105…oh, wait, who cares?
LikeLike
77 Shannon. I think many people over rate the importance of HAVING a position. Not that I have zero interest in having one. Honestly I’m here to enjoy myself bottom line. And NO ONE can diminish me except myself. If someone else does, I’m letting them push the remote and I’m reacting and it happens, not that I like it. “Enjoying” myself means different things on different days. One day it may be venting, another day spreading some love, another day raunchy disclosure, another day humor, another day defending someone, another day trashing someone or something, or just expressing my opinion.
I have no other purpose in life and I think if we were honest we’d have to admit that we do anything and everything because we think in the doing, thinking, having, being, we will feel good or better. That goes for everyone from Albert Einstein to the trash collector. I don’t care about being right 1/10th as much as I do about feeling good or better as the case may be. I have no image to defend and find it very freeing.
5’2″ and 105? You’re the same size as my daughter. So you see? I care!
LikeLike
I don’t think I’m capable of proving my position or arguing my position, but still think it’s valid. Does it have to be proven? Who can prove an opinion? Am only willing to put so much effort into it. In some ways I think I just like to shake things up, create a little chaos, things are not that certain, black and white, there are gray areas to explore, different ways of looking at things.. My mind is too active sometimes.
Am feeling better about my man issues though. Sorry….too long again, huh? Luckily no one but me and you are reading this anymore.
LikeLike
Sara – “Good God, he’s a freak!” HAHAHA, that’s priceless, since (whether it’s true or not) you’ve spent this entire comment process setting yourself up as a bitter, undateable “has-been” who has nothing better to do than stalk Roissy . . .
perhaps Roissy is one of those friends that you wish wanted to fuck you?? It’s ok if so. . .
I’m flattered that you think I should be anybody’s new role model – however, for the record, I’m happily married, and not pulling any of this shit personally (past issues and “roissy-like” behavior notwithstanding). . . In fact, my wife posts with me, and pretty much agrees with my sentiments.
We’re not ADVOCATING this behavior, simply commenting on the effectiveness.
LikeLike
#69 commenter here, so yeah, I came back just to see how Sara spun herself into another rant, and for your information, sara, actually, I am a woman too, so if I’m pulling your pigtails, it’s because I know your kind of woman. And your weird attempts at validation through this blog (did you really post your height, weight and bra size???) are hilarious.
LikeLike
Mr. FnC & Ms. Anonymous: Fellow Ranters. Welcome.
“…who has nothing better to do than stalk Roissy”
So you have nothing better to do than stalk Roissy stalkers? Gotcha there!
So you were just fooling in your previous post…being sarcastic? HAHAHAHA!!! Good for you. What a relief. Perhaps an emoticon would have alerted me.
81, anon. “And your weird attempts at validation through this blog (did you really post your height, weight and bra size???) are hilarious.”
Yeah, it’s actually true!!! I find it interesting that you think I’m “validating’ myself. That whole “you’re only trying to validate yourself” stuff cracks me up. And if it made you laugh too; well then we’re both laughing and what could be better than that?
It’s always fun to stop by Roissy’s for a good laugh.
Guess I really misunderstood. And you’re a woman? I never would have guessed. Yawn.
LikeLike
Boring, boring, boring.
LikeLike
wow, a lot to catch up on after Christmas break, Sara’s at it again! Tell me, hunny, if you’re not validating then what are you doing, hmmmmm??? It certainly seems that you’re always proving yourself, as Shannon said, or justifying that you’re still “fuckable.”
Also, it really does seem like you sit here all day… just hitting the refresh button, whereas the other anonymous commenter and fNc comment once a day, no???
How old are you anyways, 40?
I am interested actually, you’re divorced twice, and have a daughter who appears to be the build of at least a teenager?
Don’t you have better things to do, like read your AARP magazine?? And buy depends??
By Roissy’s logic, you’re WAY past your prime. Have you taken his test???
LikeLike
So New Anonymous misspells “commenter” too? You’re fucking hilarious!! refresh.
LikeLike
O.K. so it’s not misspelled but you two are the only posters using that word. You’ll never convince me you’re not the same person. You apparently need a life as much as I do. Good luck. “New Anonymous” indeed. We’re both funny. 😀 And stupid.
LikeLike
and what is the most correct term for someone who comments?
a commenter…
and sorry no, not the same.
LikeLike
P.S. You will never piss me off. The only reason I was pissed in the first place is because I thought your original post was serious. There are after all assholes like that in this world and for personal reasons I was feeling sensitive about it. So what? I mean really. If I want to get pissed off I’ll DECIDE to but there is no way in hell you’re going to MAKE me pissed. I just don’t take myself that seriously. Which is why I’m just amused that you keep trying. I’m over here listening to music (LCD Soundsystem-Tribulations) doing paperwork…..blah, blah, blah. Shouldn’t you two be fucking or something?
LikeLike
P.S. We have more in common than you think. Neither will submit so we should agree to a toss up.
LikeLike
AARP: I don’t have any health insurance at all. Don’t need it.
Depends: Keigels take care of that.
You’re scraping the barrel here. Notice how you’re doing all the insulting and I’m just countering it? Vent on if it makes you feel better. I would but am not currently in need of it.
LikeLike
O.K. I’ll be the bigger person here and surrender. Your superiority has been proven.
LikeLike
These guys will suck in any girl who tries to stay sane. It’s their M.O., after all (Just like all scammers. It’s a classic manipulation technique, nothing new). There’s a trick to getting around them though:
If’ you’re a woman on this board, IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE. Don’t justify it, “I am an eight, I am a high-six.” Whatevs. The guys don’t care how they look. It’s all about what they do with they have. They’re actually rather proud of being unattractive and still convincing women to sleep with them.
So take away their power to judge you for this. They don’t get to decide how much you matter based on your BMI. Who the hell do they think they are, trying to respond to your arguments with, “Yeah, well you’re ugly/have cats/menstruate.” Who cares if you were? Does that automatically make you wrong?
Reframe the argument to see what they are actually offering, instead of trying to defend yourself. Make them justify their right to judge you. These guys all think they’re really smart, but the best argument they can come up with is, “You have cats…” That’s some serious grade-school level crap.
The guys making these pathetic accusations (it’s a blog – no one can see you, dorks) are relying on the idea that no woman wants to be unattractive to men. But if they can’t come up with a better argument than the ones on this board, who cares what they think is attractive? I could have eight stomach rolls, and no one will ever know. That doesn’t mean I’m wrong when I make a statement. And I don’t have to justify my stomach, or lack of it, or my pet choices, or lack of same, to some dork who thinks the world owes him sex because he needs it SO much.
LikeLike
93 I get your point dizzy8. Thanks for bringing some sanity to this post. I found their attempts so amusing…..very entertaining. Hardly worth expending any amount of real brain power on it in my opinion. Like I said, if it makes them feel better to insult me….. Anyway, thanks for the great comments. I truly do NOT give a crap what they think of me. I hope at least that much is obvious. I do enjoy a good scrap now and then, though!
LikeLike
This is an interesting blog about the ‘fade’ break up. Interesting comments here, too, altho I am disappointed to see the communication breakdown towards the end.
I googled ‘the fade break up’ because apparently I have just had one and didn’t know it. I have never had one before and so it really threw me. It’s really not a very nice thing to do and it seems like – as many people pointed out above – it takes a certain kind of person to do it.
The blogger is really funny and I like his posts; hard to know if he is really serious or not but he still has good posts. I appreciate his insight into why he does it. I guess it makes sense on some level.
I was epescially glad to see both men and women agreeing that after a while an intimate relationship deserves a proper breakup and not a poor excuse of a non-response. That is very cowardly and hurtful, well – disrespectful really.
LikeLike
I need help…
I’ve tried these:
-ignoring her phone calls, and tell her my phone is dead because it got wet (i already have a replacement but i keep telling her i still don’t have one)
-barely talking to her on msn…
-the last time we saw each other was like 2 weeks ago…
-i’ve talked to her a couple of times saying what i dont like about her, i try to be as straightforward as possible… if its cruel, then it is.. but i told her stuff like that she sometimes acts like a little girl (which is true)
-i ignored her because i wanted to watch the Magic vs. Lakers game 😉
and yeah.. little stuff like that, but she still keeps on going… the fact that i want us to break up has NEVER passed her mind… and im really tired.. i just turned 17, i dont wanna be tied to a relationship all summer. when we talk we can spend like 45 minutes on the phone saying NOTHING!! aaaggh!! its just frustrating.
im trying to play online, and she just keeps on calling.. im a real gamer kid soo.. but im not those types of nerdy.. im an athletic gamer, really… i’ve been playing soccer for 9 years so. 😉 anyways, H-E-L-P!!!
LikeLike