It’s often the man who gets blamed for bad sex.
He came too fast.
He didn’t make me come.
He forgot about foreplay.
He wouldn’t go down on me.
In and out, roll off. That was it.
He never kisses me during sex.
All he knew was one position — doggy style.
Women can be bad lays too, but when it’s the man’s fault there are two possible reasons for it. One, he was inexperienced. Women usually blame all bad sex on the inexperience and ineptitude of the man. This is a comforting thought for them, but the reality is that virginal incompetence accounts for very few poor sexual encounters. For every virgin clumsily popping his cherry there are 10,000 men with extensive sexual histories enjoying a romp in the sack. The second, and by far more frequent, reason for bad sex is that the woman wasn’t pretty enough to stimulate the man to answer the call of duty with enthusiasm. This reason — uninspired sex caused by female ugliness — is understandably disturbing for women to contemplate. There will never be a situation where one girl says to the other “He’s horrible in bed because you’re kinda gross-looking.”
If a woman wants an attentive lover she has to learn to settle so that whichever man she sleeps with is grateful to be there. Only this will guarantee lavish devotion to her sexual needs.
Betas who have managed the trick of getting laid regularly never veer off the path of least resistance. They are satisfied with subpar sex from girls who don’t push their limits. A man of discerning taste should make it a rule to pursue the choicest ass. He knows that phoning in unexciting sex with marginal girls will have a negative effect on his bedroom skills. His thrusting muscles will atrophy and his staying power will grow weak. His tepid loads will barely reach escape velocity. His knack for finding the location of the G spot will disappear. Soon, he will forget what it takes to drive a woman into ecstasy.
Then when the time comes to perform with a quality babe, he’ll stumble into his role unprepared and unsure of his abilities, like a declawed house cat abandoned to the wild.
Easy sex with mediocre girls also risks damaging a man’s self-confidence (though not as badly as involuntary celibacy would). He will begin to wonder if this is the best he can do. As an analogy, if you spend a few hours learning to play one simple song on a guitar and then play only that song over and over for months, you’ll slowly lose pride in your accomplishment.
Seducing a beautiful woman ensures you’ll give her maximum attention to detail in bed. The way to be a sex god is to have sex with women who motivate you to be a sex god. You’d be surprised at the depravity you’re capable of with the right girl. The hottest girl I ever slept with couldn’t stand up for an hour afterwards.
Keep yourself in fighting form. Let the betas hunt wounded prey. Alphas hunt the hunters.
so true. this is one of the things i’ve really learned from this blog. can you believe, it never even crossed my mind that hotter women = better sex. i always assumed, along with the great unwashed, that it was all about ‘chemistry’, mood etc. but it is not. it’s all about how hot the girl is.
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“He’s horrible in bed because you’re kinda gross-looking.”
OH. MOTHER. FUCKING. SNAP!!!!!!!!!
I’m laughing so hard I can’t feel my face!
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+1 for the hot bitches over the ugly ones. The score is now infinity+1 to 0 if you’re keeping score at home.
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They all look the same upside down.
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If a female friend ever complains about their sex lives, I give them the same advice, change it up by either doing things you normally wouldn’t consider, or by spending the next 3 months at the gym, and even if it doesn’t work with this guy, you can be sure the practice you put in with him will make all the difference with the next.
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I’ve been thinking a lot about these two issues (women being bad in bed, and me being disinterested / bad in bed) a lot, and I’m happy to see that you posted about it! I’m trying to repress my Beta tendencies, but am admittedly still living the Beta life. I’ve been in a year long sexless slump and lately my attitude has been that I could take it or leave it. Upon mulling over this post, I realize that every women I’ve been with was both a dead fish in bed and sort of fugly looking. Yeah, there were a couple of butterfaces in there with bangin’ bodies, but all in all I’ve never fucked a hot chick.
On that note – pancakeboy’s sole 2008 resolution is: fuck a hot chick!
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the oft-repeated claim, mostly by women but also by some men with beta issues, that the primary drive for men’s unstoppable lust to score only the hottest girls is to boost their ego by being seen in public with arm candy.
Funnily enough, I had a crazy woman say this to me recently:
There are crazy women who really do say and think these things. I never would have thought before this venom was turned on me. Maybe I’m too insulated by my lack of a female circle of friends. It would seem that I need to talk to women more to find these precious gems of information.
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Hope, I love me some crazy ladies. I once had a woman come up to me and call me a “skinny little bitch”…in a bathroom. Women are weird, you heard it here first.
Roissy, it must be comforting to know that whatever happens in life, it’s always the woman’s fault.
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it must be comforting to know that whatever happens in life, it’s always the woman’s fault.
Change that line to “Whatever happens in life, it’s always others’ fault,” and you have a rather nice and popular philosophy.
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Shannon,
Has any guy ever called you a skinny little bitch in bed during the throws of passion…… then punched you in the face?
I mean would you be up for that, wait what?
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VK, I think you might be my soulmate (except for the part where I’m off the market).
I would totally NOT be up for that, though. Too much potential for serious injury, and a friend of mine is an ER nurse at the nearest hospital to me. If he had to patch me up, I’d NEVER live that one down.
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Hope – You definitely need to spend more time with random people, because random means they won’t care to hurt your feelings, and there are a TON of crazy people. They add a lot of flavor to your life.
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Was discussing something along these lines with a friend yesterday who was complaining about hormone issues; excess fertility, PMS, dissatisfaction with birth control methods. The pill makes her bitchier and naturally puts her man under stress too. Typical complaints for high estrogen women, but of course they’re also the ones men want to fuck most often–hot bitches. Let’s face it; most hot women are also bitchy at times, hence the fear that many alpha’s AND betas feel in their attempts to bed one. But the rewards are so great. If you pick a plain or even homely woman your life will be peaceful but never passionate. I say choose to not only bed a beautiful woman, but fall in love with her too. The moments of heaven will be worth the inevitable hell. Just remember that sexy bitches still have soft hearts that can be broken and sometimes are even more sensitive than their sisters who may not experience the intense upside and downside of passion. And they can get jaded and hard hearted if they’ve been used too often & not taken seriously as long term intimate partners.
Anyway you look at it, inspiration is better than motivation. After experiencing 10’s on the hotness scale, you may decide that 8’s are better long term, unless you’re a 10 on the alpha scale.
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I read on that Roosh guy’s blog that he hasn’t gone down on a woman in several years. Is that because he’s only been pulling unattractive girls that don’t inspire him to please them in bed? That’s probably not the best advertising for his book.
For my part, I always make the effort even if the woman isn’t spectacularly attractive. Here’s why: Because sometimes those women have spectacularly attractive friends. The better you are in bed, the more likely the woman you’re sleeping with will brag to her friends about it, which will pique their curiosity. And curiosity kills the pussy.
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Reggie: I agree with your curiosity part, but I believe that going down on a woman is much more intimate than sex, and I generally prefer to leave that out until I’m dating her or at least have seen her a few times. Years between seems a bit much, but I think that the #1 thing you see amongst guys who know how to get girls, (Players, Alphas, PUAs Etc) is that they have a definitive code of beliefs and they don’t drift far from that code. It’s also true with most successful business leaders. You have to stick by your convictions otherwise you’re a fraud, and if going down is a no-no, then it should remain a no-no.
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I like Reggie’s sentiment. Regardless of why, he’s in there doing his best under all duress. That’s a horse that can run on any track.
Yeah what happened to you get back what you put in. I call it bringing stuff to the party. Sometimes you can’t just show up and expect it to be the time of your life. Sometimes you have to help the party along or else why would they need you there.
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what if the woman is too hot? then he comes too fast! that’s bad sex too, no?
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then he comes too fast! that’s bad sex too, no?
Nothing to stop them from doing it a few more times. That new love stay in bed all day glow is neat.
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That new love stay in bed all day glow is neat.
oh Hope…indeed, INDEED! 🙂
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IE, sticking by your convictions is pointless — even damaging — when those convictions are wrong. Seriously, look at what you’re suggesting: that, first, not going down should be part of some rigid system of belief, and second, that the mere existence of that system demands that it be respected. Neither of those premises stand up to much scrutiny.
I can understand, though, a reluctance to go down until a relationship is a ways farther along. Of course, that means that you’re understanding if a girl doesn’t want to go down on you until the relationship has gotten more serious, right?
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Roissy, it must be comforting to know that whatever happens in life, it’s always the woman’s fault.
if there is any blame to dispense, it’s the betas who won’t step out of their comfort zones to try and nail better looking chicks who would inspire them to majestic performances under the sheets. ugly women aren’t at fault because they can’t do anything about their unfortunate condition.
what if the woman is too hot? then he comes too fast!
i recommend the double thickness sensitivity-numbing condoms for just such occasions.
and if she’s hot enough the time to refill the tank will be considerably shorter.
Seriously, look at what you’re suggesting: that, first, not going down should be part of some rigid system of belief
there are three scenarios where i wouldn’t go down.
1. i catch even the faintest whiff of unpleasant feminine odor.
2. a lush canopy of pubic hair (trim that thatch!)
3. she doesn’t meet my threshold of hotness. (8s and above will usually receive the loving clit flicks of my nimble tongue on the first night.)
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It’s interesting to note that when I say that I’m holding out for hot women, I’m ridiculed by the commenters here, but when Roissy says to do it, he’s held up as a deity.
1. i catch even the faintest whiff of unpleasant feminine odor.
2. a lush canopy of pubic hair (trim that thatch!)
Oddly, I agree with you. I trim my pubic hair, and I wash that area thouroughly which according to what some girls have said makes me rare amongst men in having a unit that doesn’t reek…
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The best device on the market for bush trimming is the Silk Epil. Achieving the manicured look and feel requires the correct professional tool. Highly recommended; particularly if your ethnicity is hairy.
Have never known a man who trims his pubes. I wonder if David Beckham trims his pubes? I could picture that.
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David A., you never say you’re holding out for hot women – you always say that you’re resigned to never finding one who’s interested in you, so you’ll stick to imaginary porn-ladies. That’s what people find strange. Oh, and the fact that the porn-ladies who appeal to you have a somewhat transgendered look.
BTW, Roissy, has it occurred to you that women might feel the same? That handsome men might affect us the way beautiful women affect you?
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you never say you’re holding out for hot women – you always say that you’re resigned to never finding one who’s interested in you, so you’ll stick to imaginary porn-ladies. That’s what people find strange. Oh, and the fact that the porn-ladies who appeal to you have a somewhat transgendered look.
I’ve concluded that hot women are best, and I should hold out for them, but I’ve also concluded that since those women have options, they have no reason to date me right now when they can find a better man, or some guy like Roissy. Simply put, hot girls don’t fuck nerds, so it doesn’t make sense to invest effort in trying to meet and attract them when I can spend that time and money doing things that are fun for me.
As for the porn stars that I like, they tend to be top heavy, but also ass heavy as well. The heavy makeup may reek of transvestites, but the heavy makeup, nails, high heels, and slutty clothing scream sex to me. It’s a woman who wants sex and displays herself in a way to get what she wants. For some reason, subconscously, I think that women really wanted sex, they’d act and dress that way, but there’s all sorts of conflicting issues both socially and self imposed that simply prevent that from happening in the real world.
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Trimming the janks is a must, nothing is more inconvenient than a girl that dies from asphyxiating on your pubes while she’s sucking your balls.
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the heavy makeup, nails, high heels, and slutty clothing scream sex to me. It’s a woman who wants sex and displays herself in a way to get what she wants.
Some women who need to wear zero makeup and still look gorgeous, i.e. “natural beauties,” and they are also much-coveted. This is why a lot of men tend to go after younger looking women, because they generally need less makeup to look beautiful.
Some men find the types of women in porn nasty and skanky. I honestly think it’s the imprinting at work, and the Pavlovian effect of porn consumption and conditioning. Not that there’s anything wrong with any of it, but a woman screaming sex indiscriminately can be a turn-off, just as a man who’s desperate for it is also a turn-off.
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[ital]there are three scenarios where i wouldn’t go down.[/ital]
I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t have standards, just that it’s sort of weird to reject the practice entirely as part of some kind of pseudo-ethical code.
[ital]Have never known a man who trims his pubes.[/ital]
There are two functional reasons to do so. First, it prevents hairs on the shaft from getting caught in the condom during sex; second, it makes your unit look bigger.
Fortunately, I only need to do it for the first reason.
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Whoops. My tag-style is apparently weak.
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there are three scenarios where i wouldn’t go down …
2. a lush canopy of pubic hair (trim that thatch!)
Ridiculous. A glorious natural pelt is, well, glorious.
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Have never known a man who trims his pubes. I wonder if David Beckham trims his pubes? I could picture that.
Seriously? I trim mine, and I suspect that many other men do as well. They probably just don’t bring it up!
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DF,
Sucking balls was so 07. I’m all about getting some taint love in 08, nah mean…. Leave em with a dingle on their upper lip so later you can get a coco pebbles kiss
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If I might be allowed to digress from the much more fun topic of pubis grooming, tongue dipping, dingle berries, and the like, to do a little self indulgent personal aside. Please allow me this one tiresome confession. Have raised the ire of a number of men who for obvious reasons were affronted by my hostility. Well, I finally figured it out and it was the FnC post that put me over the edge and into a greater understanding.
“Nothing like leaving a girl wondering what she did wrong and desperate for closure to set up that “dry spell” bang down the road. . . It’s pretty much a dick move though, and VERY beta unless done with full, manipulative intent for future nookie.”
It finally hit me. Per usual I could not get sanity saving closure, so yesterday I declared the relationship officially DEAD, and informed him in a phone message and a huge weight has been lifted. You know….like when the body can’t be found and the wife wants the social security money? HUGE relief. Anyway it works for me and my sense of humor and equilibrium are back.
32 Virgle: Ball sucking? Do you have any tips on that because I’ve never felt confident in that department. Looking forward to it, trimmed or not, hold the coco pebbles.
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Some women who need to wear zero makeup and still look gorgeous, i.e. “natural beauties,” and they are also much-coveted.
I’ve seen these women, and while they’re beautiful, they simply lack any sexual appeal for me. They look “normal”, and thus, I can’t imagine them in any sexual form at all.
Some men find the types of women in porn nasty and skanky. I honestly think it’s the imprinting at work, and the Pavlovian effect of porn consumption and conditioning.
Those men are obviously broken and secretly gay!
I think that it may be heavy porn consumption at work, but I’ve always found these hyper sexualized women more attractive than their normal counterparts even before I found porn.
but a woman screaming sex indiscriminately can be a turn-off
If we’re both enjoying it, why should it be a problem? I just don’t see how it can be a turnoff. Sex is always good. 🙂
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Are you really serious about the ball sucking? Then might I suggest containing the balls first. With one hand palm down and thumb pointing down, slide your index and thumb fingers around to make a ring around the sack above the boys. (you can use the other hand to lift the balls away from the body if it make it easier to slide your fingers under.) If the boys are loose you can pull down a little with your hand which will tighten the ball skin and make it one nice package. It’s easy after that.
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VK,
Oh hell no! I got that covered in ’06 with a chain smoking trashy hipster chick and her half puerto rican, half chinese girlfriend. Balls and taint. Remember that? The menthol was very soothing.
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i only make love.
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I think I have been lucky with all my lovers of the past (and current) in that they have all been keen to satisfy me both orally (which I do not even care that much about) and sexually (which I do care about).
I think if you are inspired about sex yourself (and you turn on your partner physically and visually), you will often get inspired sex in return.
Men that enjoy women and sex and not just sex tend to be the best lovers. If you truly love the female form and feminine wiles and all that jazz…then you will probably express that while in bed with a woman that embodies all that you desire.
I agree.
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It seems that I’m a beta because I’m guilty of greatly enjoying sex with average women. That my partners were in their teens or in their early twenties helps a lot. There ain’t no such thing as an ungly teen girl.
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Nonsense. When the sex is bad, it is invariably the man’s fault. He was too rushed, or inept, or just didn’t care. I’m a pretty hot chick so I know what I’m talking about.
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35 Lisa, Nice!! Don’t know why I never thought of that. Sometimes the most obvious things…. Can’t wait to try. My question for the men is, do they really enjoy it, is it ever painful if done improperly, etc. Some men simply won’t tell you what they don’t like, but will usually tell you what they do.
Appreciate the reminder of the importance of a taut bod so am putting the rubber to the road for some chilly morning exercise. Will be buffed and completely out of my slump by the spring when the flowers and hormones are rising. I’ve been born again sista!!!
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Does the scenario ever exist where a really hot girl will just SUCK in bed? If so, does that turn you off sufficiently to create sex that would be more like sex with a 5 or 6, or since she’s hot, does that just not matter?
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Knew you could do it hunny bunny.
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There ain’t no such thing as an ungly teen girl.
Wow, you’re lucky. I’ve seen plenty of ugly teen girls.
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“There ain’t no such thing as an ungly teen girl.
Wow, you’re lucky. I’ve seen plenty of ugly teen girls.”
Well, as long as they are not too obese pretty much all teen girls are appealing. On the contrary, at around 40 maybe only 1/3 of women are still appealing, even if Peter says the contrary.
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Funny posting, funny comments. Two quick things?
1) Back in my dating days I sometimes found that the hottest-looking chicks were the worst lays. They just weren’t into it much, while many “merely” good-looking or OK-looking girls often were.
Now, maybe the hot girls were looking at me and feeling disappointed or something, and that accounted for it. But I got another impression, which was that girls who look really-really ultra-fab … Well, that’s often the beginning and end of it. There they are, they look great, and maybe they’ll reward you by letting you have your way with them in bed. But damned if they were, y’know, going to be very lively about it.
Meanwhile, girls whose looks were more in the real-world spectrum often had enthusiasm, poetry, appreciation, emotions — all that fun stuff.
Anyway, if you enjoy jerking off over an ideal image, then maybe the out-of-it beautiful girl is your thing, though I was always tempted to say, “Y’know, if all I want is a beautiful girl-image, I could do better with my magazine collection.” But if you want to enjoy a little partner-dancing, if you know what I mean, then what you want is a girl who’s pretty enough and who’s genuinely into fucking.
Sad to say, but my impression was that, while there are tons of people who love feeling hot and desirable, and getting off is almost always fun, the number of people who genuinely love fucking (in other words, really sharing a surfboard with another person) is really rather small.
2) As for the sex being “bad” or something … It sounds like y’all might still be stuck in an old trap, namely letting the girl decide whether the sex is bad or good, according to whether she got off or not.
Sigh: guys, don’t let this happen. The sex is “good” if you had a nice time and “bad” if you didn’t. As for whether she had a nice time — well, she’s more responsible for that than you are.
If she wasn’t in the right mood, if she’s having trouble going for the gusto — I mean, no reason not to be sympathetic, helpful, patient, appreciative, etc. But if you’re all those things and she’s still having trouble, it ain’t your fault. What on earth is she doing, going through with a fuck if she isn’t into it? She owes you an apology, not vice versa.
Great old joke: “How do you make a woman come?” Answer: “Who cares?”
I mean, it isn’t totally true, of course. But you’ve gotta have a bit of that attitude in the back of your mind. Whether or not she comes is up to her, not to you. Being appreciative of her, and mindful of your own mood and your own needs, and alert to the moment — you can’t (and no one can, really) do more than that. So don’t even try.
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Another reason to pursue the best you can is that once that becomes known — maybe you walk around together on a date, or word-of-mouth spreads, etc. — the “safety school” ones will automatically take a liking to you. Whereas if you pursue the latter, the mega-hotties won’t start paying you attention — or if they do, they’ll just think you’re a wimp who lacks ambition.
Side comment: another reason to hit on tall girls. Whether they dig you or not, it’s enough that they respond positively, laugh, giggle, etc. Just broadcasting the signal to anyone who can see (and anyone she can talk to about the incident) that you’ve got enough balls and self-comfort / confidence to hit on tall girls is worth it. The ones closer to your height will notice this, and you’ll be bumped up the scale in their eyes.
Obviously doesn’t work if the tall girl would look bored, uncomfortable, etc., if you hit on her.
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47, agnostic: I beg to differ. There’s nothing like women to attract women. Better to date an average looking woman and have a good time. Who knows, you may find one you really like and develop a great friendship if nothing else. I think it’s great when a guy has women friends and any woman who is too insecure to deal with it should be avoided.
42: Basically a 10 should be not only hot looking but also amazing in bed, else she should be given a lower rating. It’s like if the trailer is great, but the movie sucks, you’re obviously not going to recommend it. Keep in mind also the old saying “familiarity breeds contempt” and even the most beautiful woman in the world can turn ugly in your eyes, if that’s all she has going for her.
Whoever said midwestern girls/women are not hot, I take umbrage to. Midwestern girls and women can be very hot and uninhibited. In fact when visiting there years ago, I was taken by how wild the girls (and guys) seemed in general compared to the west coast girls (and guys) who are so much into preening and posing.
And LISA: Thank you, my dear. Here’s a big kiss for you and a little tongue if it pleases you.
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[…] DON’T date a man better looking than what you can reasonably expect to get if you want to have any chance of impressing him in bed. […]
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[…] dreams stalk them with visions of empty children’s playpens, or they will suck it up and learn to settle for the unexciting beta lapdog with the advanced degree in domestic engineering. A few will choose […]
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