You’ve met a girl, hit it off, and banged her. A week later, you bang her again, but this time she says she has to go for good because, and though she feels bad about covering it up, she’s actually in a relationship. You, being the intrepid pussy hound you are, understand that her “relationship” is creaking like an old attic. With the right words you have a chance of stealing her away.
After she mentions the boyfriend, replying with which of the following will give you the best odds of banging her again:
a) “It’s good that you’ve found your one true love. People can sometimes search forever and never find that person who opens them up to explore all the possibilities. I’m sure when you see him your heart still races… he sparks your passion… you feel electricity every time he touches you… that is a great feeling… to know you have that with someone who really REALLY loves you… and you really love in return.”
b) “I can tell by the look in your eyes and the tone of your voice you’re not into this guy. This is crazy, I know, but I’m going to guess that you feel you should be with someone else… now, with me… I never stay in relationships for convenience. Do you know what I mean? There is too little time in this world to waste it on someone you don’t love. You can do better. Forget about him and just be here with me.”
c) “Boyfriend?? Drop the zero and get with the hero, babe!”
d) “Boyfriend? That’s cool. Bring him along! He can buy us drinks.”
Steal her away??? Wait you’re giving up a painfree extraction method in favor of keeping some cheating bitch?
I see you as the Unabomber of PUA’s. Brilliant and deadly, but ultimately, a little f-in crazy.
Funny post.
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If by ‘steal her away’ you meant ‘keep getting it’ then it would be something like choice a, but shorter and to the point to emphasize the silence after you say it as she wavers back and forth on her man.
But word, Jack, no cheaters.
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i would take a shit on her chest.
if she goes back to her BF, no big loss.
if she stays, golden.
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I agree with the above, once she’s proven to cheat once, she will do it again. I’ve lived this experience and went with something along the lines of D
Her: (puzzled look on face) “This is serious” Pause and Angry Expression “You don’t take anything serious at all”
Me: “I’m being serious, I would prefer if he bought me drinks”
Her: “I’m leaving” Starts walking to door
Me: “Take it easy, give me a call in a week”
Her: “So you are interested in me?! I’m just confused on what to do”
Me: “Well, Life is full of tough decisions, some tougher than others, some positive some negative, but that’s the point of living right?”
She continued to babble a little longer left, we hooked up 2 more times, she broke up with her BF, tried to BF me and then I ditched her. Saw her a few months later, and she said while she enjoyed my company she was shocked and upset that she had broken up with her BF for me only for me to be not interested. I pointed out I never asked her to do that, and constantly maintained that I was just living by the moment. She tried again to make me feel guilty, I brushed it aside, she called me an asshole, and that was the end of that.
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“You can’t turn a ho into a housewife”
The only true statement in life
The last words I said to my newborn son before I walked out on him three years ago back in Texas
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She just told you that she thinks of you as second-rate, not even worthy of honesty up front. Or she’s lying. Either way, she doesn’t think much of you beyond the one-night of fun. It sounds like she thinks of you as sexually attractive but somehow flawed as a long term prospect.
You need to parry the blow to your dignity that she is trying to level. In her move, however, she has also opened up herself to a blow to her dignity. A is weak. B responds somewhat, but it’s still too beggy. C sounds like false bravado. D is the answer because it both parry’s the assault (the implied “you’re not good enough” parried with “like I give a crap what you think?!”) and deals a counterpunch to her ego and a probably mortal blow to her relationship. How does it accomplish those last things? The way she set up the let down, it sounds like she feels she’s somehow being discrete and adult, when, actually, she’s cheating, and everyone knows cheating girls are kinda low and immature. Second, she sounds like she feels like she’s not really wronging her current relationship man, because, like, he doesn’t know about it. She’s probably undense enough to realize putting the three of you together might not be the best idea for her current guy’s ego, feelings, psych, so, by inviting her to bring him and joking that he can buy the drinks, you merely imply instead of expressly state that she has ALREADY made a sap out of the guy (cuckholded him). She’ll probably respond with a bit of anger, which you should probably laugh off. She’ll realize that you wouldn’t put up with such nonsense, and she’ll respect you for it. Begging won’t get this one back.
On second thought, maybe it’s B? D might just make her feel like a slut, she’ll associate you with that feeling, resent you for it, and avoid you. Yeah, it’s B. B gives her an out. “I just didn’t love him….” And she’ll try to win your love. In her terms, there’s definitely a spark there with you. Plus you’ve taken the lead; you’ve offered guidance, leadership. Stay with me, I understand, everything will be ok. It’s not begging. It’s an offer. Plus the I never stay for convenience line is actually quite virtuous advice. ‘Course it’s a lie….
Yeah, I’m going with B.
How did I do?
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D. Who cares if she feels like a slut? She is. I feel bad for the poor guy.
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Trick question. “Steal away” implies that you want to make her yours for some kind of long-term relationship. But why would you want to get into a relationship beyond fuck-buddy with a cheater? That’s like stealing a broken television. (Assuming that’s what you mean by “steal away.” If not, you may need to recast the question).
If all you mean is “how should you respond to keep sleeping with her?” it’s A or D. Choice B is too needy — you’re saying that you have a lot invested in her decision, which implies neediness, which in turn makes you unattractive. Choice C is contemptible on its face; any line uttered by Vanilla Ice can safely be disregarded for use when speaking to women.
D is probably your best bet, as it demonstrates your value by implying that you don’t really care one way or the other, and further, that you would not feel threatened by being out with the boyfriend because you’re obviously the more desirable man. It may be too much for certain girls to handle, however — a lot depends on the delivery in this case.
Choice A is likely a bit wordy, but it has the effect, through its images of passion, sparks, and so on, of making her think if she really does have those things in her relationship. Then she will rationalize that she must not, or else she wouldn’t have cheated with you — you, who just gave her that passion and those sparks. Still
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It depends on how smart she is.
If she’s bright, go with choice A, if your desire is to BOTH get her to break up with her boyfriend AND feel as humiliated as humanly possible. She’ll pick up on the patronizing tone/inherent sarcasm, but simultaneously be unable to deny that she’s missing out on the things you’ve mentioned in her current “relationship.” She loses twice.
If she’s dumb as a post, you’d go with D. She’ll laugh, perhaps nervously – but laughing is better than leaving, and has a much higher incidence of leading to another blowjob.
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i agree with ms taggert… depends entirely on the girl..
xoxo
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D. for shizzle
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I’d caution against A) and B) because shit like that will turn you into a cuddle bitch. Do you really want to send the message that it’s OK for her to talk about her BF/exBF in any capacity?? She’ll stop banging you, turn you into her confidant, and start banging the next guy who throws a drink in her face and/or cupchecks her at the bar. And having banged girls with boyfriends (where I knew her BF and she knew I knew she had a BF), there’s nothing worse than post-coital-boyfriend-talk. If I just got done jackhammering you, why do you think I care about your boyfriend? Time for a subject change and/or round 6.
I disagree with Dagney — the idea is to keep it on your (the guy’s) terms, not hers. The intelligence of a woman never comes into play when dealing with relationships. Smart women make ridiculous decisions all the time, as I’m sure everyone has seen. That being said, D) will keep it on your terms and make your intentions clear — it’d be cool to keep banging her, and her boyfriend is insignificant to you.
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D. That is psy ops at its best, but then you might run into the situation that instantExcitement had.
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Choice A is just plain ‘ole insincere. No chick is going to fall for that one.
Choice B is arrogant and presumptuous.
Choice C is obviously just dumb.
Choice D would amuse me if it were delivered by a guy who understood that I was blowing him off and was trying to laugh the whole thing off. Actually, Choice D is just amusing, period.
I’m not sure if D is really yet right, however.
Therefore, I’m going with…Choice E: Please try again.
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When presented with this situation (she lived w/ her bf, so a bit more extreme), I went with choice (d).
Two weeks later he’s moving out (and this idiot girl thought I would be her bf at that point).
Anyway. (a) is too wordy (for me) (b) is for pussies (it’s you qualifying to her (I’m great! Choose me!)) (c) begs for her approval (“lose him and get with me!” even stated as a command, that’s weak).
(d) or (a) would work. Choose whichever fits your style better.
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Hey Pretty: Here’s the thing, you THINK you’re just blowing him off, when you’re really just blowing him. If you wanted to get rid of him, you would simply not respond to phone calls, or tell him over the phone. Telling him in person may seem like it’s the more mature thing to do but how mature and socially conscience are you if you slept with me a few times, while cheating on your boyfriend. It was obviously a calculated move, one time sure people make mistakes, but once it happens again, we both know that you’re just going to do whatever makes you happy immediately.
So while you may laugh at choice D, and I prefer that to angry or confusion, you’re still turned on because you figured by saying this, that I would drop to my knees and beg you to stay, and give you either power or my dignity. By me saying I don’t really care what you do, nor do I care about your BF, you suddenly are put on the defensive when you least expect it. This of course is the intent, because you now have to justify to yourself that either:
A. (My preferred Choice) Cheating is ok, especially when it’s with a guy like me.
B. (Most Likely to Happen)Cheating is bad, but I’m obviously more secure than said BF, so you should date me
C. (The really rare one) That I’m a huge asshole and you made a terrible decision and you never want to see me again, thus accepting full blame.
Now it’s really easy to say C, but how many women actually do that?
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I would approach this problem differently.
First, you know she’s either lying to you to get rid of you because she doesn’t really like you (maybe the sex was bad, maybe she doesn’t like your choice in shoes or the way you drool while eating… it’s always something)… or, she’s telling the truth, which means she cheated and is blackmailable.
So you calmly try to determine which one of the above is true. Try to find out as much as possible about this girl — her circle of friends, colleagues, etc. It shouldn’t be too hard to ascertain if she really has a boyfriend.
If it turns out she doesn’t really have a boyfriend, then you know exactly where you stand. She lied and you don’t want to have anything further to do with her.
If she does have a boyfriend, you determine his identity and either email or phone him with the details of what happened, telling him that she never mentioned that she had a boyfriend when she had sex with you.
You needn’t actually pull all the levers of outright blackmail. Just sharing this information with the boyfriend will give you the satisfaction that you’ve given this cunt her due.
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E. None of the above. Why would you ever want to bang a cheating two-timer when there is so much other trim to be had that does not involve a psychology degree to wade through?
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intrepid pussy hound
“Pussy” is a tragically obsolete term, as it implies the existence of hair :(((((
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peter, you’re so retro with the hair thing, would you turn down an otherwise perfect woman because she lacked bush?
in all honesty, a lot of hair just makes me (and most modern women) feel gross.
your fetish, and its repeated appearance on this blog is just hilarious.
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peter what’s your deal?
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reggie got it.
the answer is A and, sometimes, D.
remember that she has already slept with you. this is not a question of what to say when you first meet a girl and she mentions her BF. this is after she has surrendered her loins to you.
answer A will paradoxically remind her of all the love she’s NOT feeling with her current BF. it’s a devious psychological trick. if you want to steal a girl away from her BF and make her a regular in your stable, you should stick with A. it has always worked for me.
answer B is forcing her to agree with you rather than question her own feelings. it’s needy and coercive. avoid it unless she is so attracted to you that being this direct won’t repulse her.
answer C is goofy. chicks don’t dig goofy.
answer D is perfect if it is a girl you have just met. it says “i don’t care” in the right way. if she is someone you’ve already banged, then saying D might work to get her to sleep with you again, but it won’t make her leave her BF for you. for that, you need a little more wordiness.
another good thing to say to “i have a boyfriend”:
“that’s ok, so does my girlfriend!”
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“that’s ok, so does my girlfriend!”
BAM!
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“Bang, Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)” You reminded me of an old Cher song.
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