Liveblogging American Idol

9:12PM – is it me or does no one speak grammatical english anymore? sometimes i have to remind myself how overflowing with the bounty of stupidity most of humanity is. 

9:14PM – girl in pink dress looks 10 years older than her age. plunging neckline ineffective on such a small bosom. next!

9:16PM – interesting how the judges listen to the auditioners with their left ears turned towards them. i’ve read that the left ear picks up musical tones better than the right ear, which is better at spoken words.

9:18PM – old bald queen singing. at least, he better hope he’s a queen cause no woman will have him.

9:20PM – whoa. super smoking hot little minx. you’re going to my bedroom! decent voice. -5 points for the dopey extra long sleeves covering her hands. like beauty, a good singing voice is mostly a genetic blessing. this girl is a walking billboard for low mutational load.

9:28PM – retarded nerdboy dresses as sci-fi nerdgirl. over to you, triumph!

9:30PM – creepy love song for paula dude. it’s a put-on. i like it. “peter faulk her”. haha! what a goob.

9:33PM – another cute girl. looks like a slender scarlett johansson. nice rack. put her through.

9:39PM – commercial for ‘moment of truth’ tv show. i’d be unstoppable on that show. “do you think fat people are repuls…” “yes.”

9:40PM – when the background music changes to melodic acoustic guitar that means a good singer is coming up.

9:41PM – 9:40PM observation confirmed.

9:49PM – bitter star wars girl is up. proof that being 24 and thin is not a guaranteed golden ticket to hotness. of course at age 44 she’s gonna be a chieftain warpig. she’s from CT. figures. in general girls from new england are uglier than girls from other parts of the country.

9:54PM – hot blonde. you’re going to hollywood!

9:54:30PM – oh wait, two kids? hollywood rescinded.

9:56PM – “seacrest short!”