In relation to yesterday’s post, there are three main reasons why a girl would withhold sex from her bf/husband. Two of these reasons signal deep trouble with the health of the relationship.
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she’s trying to manipulate him with vagina power.
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she’s lost attraction for him.
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she’s genuinely not in the mood due to sickness or injury.
If you suspect #1 is happening to you, you need to make a last stand for your manhood. No wavering. Any buckling on your part and you have opened a Clamdora’s Box of perpetual bartering for her sex in exchange for your obeisance. Live free or be domesticated.
If #2 is the reason (being observant will help you notice this before it’s too late), then either attempt to outmaneuver her and restrengthen her attraction for you, or bail before your pride is in tatters. Writing her love poems is not an effective counterattack.
Only #3 can be safely taken at face value. But make sure she’s being sincere. “Headaches” don’t count. In fact, orgasms have been shown to alleviate a woman’s headache. If she pulls the headache routine on you, then every time she asks you a favor you can do the same.
“Can you help me fold laundry?”
“Not tonight honey, I have a headache.”
The only time you can excuse her for not servicing your manly needs is when she’s injured or violently ill. Emphasis on “violently”. Projectile vomiting is a legitimate excuse from sex duty. So is chemotherapy. And third trimester pregnancy. (OK, that last one was really an excuse for men.) Hip surgery absolves her of sex, but not blowjobs. The flu… no, unless it’s Asian bird flu. Car accident? Only if the airbag deployed. If she’s feeling self-conscious about “feminine odors” tell her your nose is stuffed up and do her with your head positioned as far away as possible from her privates.
Like an employer gives you sick days, have a sick leave plan for the girl you’re dating. Two days per year should suffice. There’s no accrual rate on this plan. She either uses them or loses them at the end of each year. If she uses more than two days per year you have the right to terminate the relationship contract for poor job performance.
cute.
now what if she’s pissed off at you for a loooong time and her vagina is just not going to be able to get going? is that under #2?
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To a healthy feminine woman; sex=commitment. Giving her body indicates a varying level of commitment to him. If she’s not having sex with a man for an extended amount of time, she’s expressing a lack of commitment. She may have an affair, she may simmer with resentment, she may masturbate and find excuses to sleep in a separate room, she may obsess over the kids, develop real or imagined health problems, hang out with her friends venting and gossiping…. Bottom line, she’s no longer committed. I’m amazed at how long some men can endure a sexless relationship and are even more amazed at their shock when the wife ends up filing for divorce. Since approx. 40% of people never get married anymore, this scenario plays out in long term relationship.
As far as WHY she’s no longer wanting sex? Speaking from experience, if a woman feels a lack of emotional connection, sex feels “dirty” and insulting. Yes, we know men cannot relate to that. But isn’t that why men are attracted to women? Viva La Difference’?
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In response to #2, the declining interest level, I must say that I subscribe to the philosophy of Doc Love: once interest level falls below 50%, it’s near impossible to raise it back up to an acceptable level. This is one of the big differences between guys and gals. If your woman’s interest level has fallen that low, unless she’s really something special I think you should save the monumental effort required to raise it back to acceptable levels and instead work on a fresh start with a new chick.
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4. she’s genuinely not in the mood due to working all day then doing all the housework.
5. she’s genuinely not in the mood due to the fact she has needs that aren’t being met either. The relationship isn’t just about you.
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I mean Roissy’s #2 point, not the #2 comment.
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#3, I think Doc Love is a bit of a self-defeating creep, but agree somewhat with his 50% rule. It takes an act of God to get a woman to be turned back on to a man, she’s firmly turned off by.
In my opinion Doc Love advice is no different from the creepy “Rules” book that’s so popular. Just more brainless consumer fodder that sells a lot of books and promises to offer “happiness” but fails to deliver.
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You’re missing a few legitimate reasons:
– She’s having an affair (as Juanita pointed out)
OR
– She’s lost confidence in her sex appeal. A woman that can’t feel confident naked will be hesitant to get naked.
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she’s genuinely not in the mood due to working all day then doing all the housework.
being tired is no excuse. all a woman needs to do is lay there and accept his thrustings.
true love!
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She’s having an affair
file this under reason #2.
A woman that can’t feel confident naked will be hesitant to get naked.
lame.
if her bf’s got a boner, she has no reason to doubt her sex appeal.
any chick with crippling self-esteem issues that get in the way of sexytime should be dumped forthwith.
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Nearly everyone SHOULD enjoy frequent mind blowing sex, but if not frequent, then infrequent mind blowing sex. Sometimes women really do get too busy, tired, stressed, ill, moody, bloated, etc. If you can see that the woman simply needs to be thrown down and fucked to within an inch of her life, that’s what you gotta do. Alpha’s know when NOT to take no for an answer. Face it, you need all the finely tuned instinct and intuition you can get when it comes to keeping the mind blowing sex coming with the bitch of your dreams, but it’s worth it, right? Either that, or you just having to keep starting over with a new bitch every time.
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“Alpha’s know when NOT to take no for an answer.”
With deepest apologies to Virgle Kent….
That’s called rape.
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That’s called rape.
But yet, Shannon, what of the woman who says no due to sheer laziness, and she’s ravaged by her lover and becomes orgasmic due to his overpowering manliness?
Again illustrates the conflict between respecting women and making women horny.
No sometimes means “not yet” or “try harder”. And that’s the truth. Never listen to a woman’s words. Pay attention to what she really is saying.
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John Smith, we’ve all seen Gone With the Wind.
It’s an issue of being assertive vs. being a jerk who doesn’t consider his wife/girlfriend’s feelings. If your girl is saying she doesn’t feel well, isn’t interested, etc, and you press the point, you’re just adding to the seething resentment she has that caused her to lose sexual interest in the first place.
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I’ll be honest. There are times when a headache is an impediment to sexy time with the gf but her younger sister’s vagina always seems to remedy that.
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roissy – with all your expertise on relationships, what does it take to make a woman happy?
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13, Rape is never sexy or conducive to anything remotely positive. I’m talking about having the ability to discern between a real no and a knee jerk bitchiness no. From personal experience, there have been times I was PMSing or feeling otherwise hormonally bitchy when I KNEW a good screwing is what would make me feel much better, but the bitchiness itself prevented me from asserting myself. A catch 22 you might say.
A man who really loved me, and was unintimidated would know that strongly asserting some sexual healing would be beneficial to both of us. If you have a lot of chemistry to begin with, it’s a very smart move, because then you will assure it will KEEP going. Fear of a woman’s moods (or women in general) kills attraction. Of course if she is REALLY not into it, any man who feels at all like “raping” her, is out of his mind! It’s a fine line perhaps, but he will know the difference, unless he truly IS an animal! After he’s given it to her real good, and she looks up at him with appreciative tears in her eyes, he’ll know it was worth the risk. Men are turned on by high estrogen women; yes? So danger and risk comes with the territory and the rewards are comparable.
Here’s something you may not have heard before. I had a conversation with a very happily married woman a few years back, who said that when she and her husband had arguments that seemed to go nowhere, she would say, “Let’s just go have sex.” Apparently he never argued with THAT.
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being tired is no excuse. all a woman needs to do is lay there and accept his thrustings.
You have low standards. A mix of baby oil and lotion and my right hand make for a better sex partner.
Of course, maybe we all betas should outsource their sexual needs to robots and masturbation, and leave the real women to the alpha men who the only ones capable of stimulating them sexually.
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OMG people, I didn’t even have to wait till coment 50 you guys started earlier than normal.
um Double Rape
roll eyes now
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To respond to Roissy’s comment 8,
I prefer if they lay on their tummy and let me get to twork, nah mean?
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I’m glad that Doc Love finally came up on this blog.
I disagree that he’s any kind of a creep (although his style can be grating). If you’re OK with Roissy, then you should be fine with Doc Love. He differs from the seduction community in that he focuses on teaching men to have happy long-term relationships rather than to seduce women for one-night stands.
“Writing her love poems is not an effective counterattack.”
This is exactly the kind of bon mot that put Roissy’s blog in a higher league! When’s Maxim gonna call you?
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“all a woman needs to do is lay there and accept his thrustings.”
Sure, because nothing’s
creepiersexier than being treated like an inanimate object. Or a corpse.Invest in a RealDoll
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VK, at least I offered a preemptive apology.
Hey Gannon, do the young girls go frigid?
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4. She has horrible cramps due to her period or cyst ruptures or anything related to something medical down below.
Any kind of debilitating lower body pain is a reason a woman wouldn’t want sex.
It is just blatantly physically painful….I guess that would be “injury”.
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Here’s a tear jerker for you guys: Was friends with a woman who was very good looking, petite, well groomed, flirtatious, outgoing,…a real catch. She had a goal: Get married and have kids before the age of 25. Her target was a very handsome alpha and a great catch himself; smart, built, loyal, etc. It turned out he was the only man in all her life that could bring her to orgasm, the reason being she was molested by her uncle and was in fact very fucked up where sex was concerned.
She got married, immediately went off the pill, got pregnant and had 3 kids in about 4 years. It put their marriage under a huge amount of stress (I baby sat while they went to marriage counseling) and it wasn’t long after they were married that she lost all interest in having sex. She said her vagina had about as much sensitivity as her elbow. So her husband, who wanted sex EVERY night, and INSISTED on it whether she wanted it or not, was needless to say very frustrated. She refused to get any therapy and her attitude was, it’s his problem.
I feel that under different circumstances he would’ve been a very healthy alpha male, but was reduced to an unhealthy alpha male. He’s stayed with her for the kids, I think. I’d take him in a heartbeat. Sex EVERY night? Heaven.
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Thought experiment 2: remember that she has already slept with you. this is not a question of what to say when you first meet a girl and she mentions her BF. –> What do u say to the latter?
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I remove my jeans but trip over them …cause I still got my shoes on.
But I turn it into a sexy dance.
Next thing you know I’m down to just my socks and you know when I’m down to just my socks what time it is.
it’s time for business.
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15 TracyLord: Am not Roissy, but I am a feminine woman. You can’t make a woman happy. The best you can do is notice whether she’s happy or not and CARE about her emotional state. She equates your caring with respect. It doesn’t mean you necessarily have a clue how to make her happy if she’s sad. You can try, but your caring is enough. I know it seems impossibly simple. Too simple to be true, but believe me it’s true. If she wants to vent, let her vent. It simply means that she needs to empty herself of crap. It’s like holding a trash can for her. When it’s full, there will be room for you to exist in her world. Women are happiest when they’re empty of crap.
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Interesting
Why men and women find longer legs more attractive
http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2008/jan/17/humanbehaviour.psychology
long live long legs
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Thanks to Miik this is where the thread turns to a subject completely unrelated to the discussion. Damn, we covered rape too early. This is like shooting your load just as your girl asks for anal for the first time. C’mon folks, pace yourselves.
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This is like shooting your load just as your girl asks for anal for the first time.
I think that’s the one thing I regret. Not fucking that Canadian woman in the ass when she asked for it. Now I’ll never get that chance since 99% of all women hate anal sex (and vaginal sex).
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P.S. To 27: And when she’s good and empty she’ll be begging you to fill her with your hot creamy goodness.
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The story in #24 is a perfect example of why a lot of guys don’t want to get married. Not because they want to have the option of leaving at the slightest whim — although that is the case for some men, of course — but because if you find yourself trapped in a sexless marriage, there is no recourse for you save divorce, which will cost you half of your belongings and most likely custody of your children, since refusing to have sex is not considered by the courts to be a harmful act like, say, having an affair would be.
Which brings us to point two: If you go outside the marriage for relief without her permission — which she is free to rescind or change her mind about — you’re in even worse straits in terms of the judgment of the divorce court. There’s no option that’s not going to cost you money or make you go crazy due to the lack of sex.
Now, the dynamic between a couple in an unmarried long-term relationship is different. She knows that the law is much fuzzier in terms of division of assets, alimony, and child support when an unmarried couple splits, so she is at least aware that should he leave because of the lack of sex, she’s going to have a much tougher time getting access to the man’s money and belongings. In theory, this gives her motivation to satisfy his sexual needs.
If the wife in #24 were a compassionate person, she would recognize her husband’s unhappiness — remember, this is a man she allegedly loves — and takes steps to remedy it, either by sleeping with him or, if she can’t bring herself to do that, giving him permission to get sex elsewhere. Otherwise, she is simply being cruel. This arrangement could work until the children are old enough to emotionally handle their parents divorce, which is much more likely to be amicable if the husband has had his needs addressed. If she doesn’t do this — and let’s face it, she won’t, along with 99% of other women — the marriage will curdle into resentment completely, making the inevitable divorce all the more vicious.
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I’m new to this blog…are rape accusations a common occurence? By Shannon in particular?
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T, that was actually my first rape accusation. Think of me and Virgle Kent as those two old guys in the balcony on The Muppet Show.
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32, Reggie. Regarding #24, the woman actually did allow her husband to have sex with her regularly, but she never, ever enjoyed it. In fact she disliked it and said she could easily go the rest of her life without sex and not be bothered in the least. She did love him, as far as her definition goes, and he was a great provider and father. I saw it as her basically forcing him into a mild form of rape (not unlike being molested by her uncle?) by giving in but never enjoying it. I felt sorry for him, actually, even though he was technically having sex with her on a regular basis. I mean, wouldn’t that fuck with your head, knowing that while you’re having sex, your woman is decidedly turned off? Or could that be a turn on in some perverse way?
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Yikes. That woman is just plain crazy. I assume he didn’t know about these issues prior to the marriage, because otherwise he has no excuse for not running like she’d just shown him the collection of meticulously mounted baby-doll heads she keeps under her bed.
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36, Yeah, I agree. I knew them well and I tried to encourage her to get therapy. She just refused to see the problem. I encouraged her to expose her uncle’s molestation and she refused that too, even though he has two daughters. She orchestrated and manipulated the marriage, the kids, everything. I would have taken her husband in a heartbeat; but now? I don’t know. Like you said, he should have said he would leave her if she didn’t at least get some therapy. I lost track of them; mainly because I found the situation too disturbing, plus I was very attracted to him. He was definitely not a cheater, but she entertained the idea. Imagine that! No interest in sex but wants to cheat? Crazy woman.
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tracylordofsurmise:
roissy – with all your expertise on relationships, what does it take to make a woman happy?
not worrying about what it takes to make a woman happy.
and squirting orgasms.
finefantastic:
I remove my jeans but trip over them …cause I still got my shoes on.
But I turn it into a sexy dance.
Next thing you know I’m down to just my socks and you know when I’m down to just my socks what time it is.
it’s time for business.
perfect. flight of the finefantastics. 😉
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She may also not to want to have sex with you because she realised how fat/disgusting/bad at it you are/how annoying you are when you’re being beta, spineless & unambitious. And how she cannot control this desire to torture the hell out of you, simply because you will take it (or is that just my own psychotic tendency?).
But of course she’s in denial either because of ‘love’, ‘investing too much in the relationship’ or… something.
I can’t imagine refusing sex to a partner I’ve been genuinely attracted to. All it should really take is a tiny amount of work on his part if I’m not initially the mood… I reckon most women have a turn-on button you can invariably press; you just have to find it.
Urgh, it’s revolting to use sex as a tool, really. I remember reading chick lit books (hey, I was young. Others drank themselves to oblivion, I read chick lit) wherein this was used… always portrayed as a disgusting relationship, usually featuring money-hungry madwomen. But life’s not a chick lit book.
Human behaviour’s just so damn incomprehensible.
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not worrying about what it takes to make a woman happy.
and squirting orgasms.
this is why i love you roissy. you serve a purpose in today’s social order. women need guys like you. i love guys like you. players are the equivalent to prostitutes or strippers. we go to you to get the job done. without all the complications of falling in love.
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is roissy the “lovah” type? he seems too smart… but then again that’s the criteria on which i discern b/w short term vs. long term potential, and other women discern differently
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tracylordofblindeyes:
without all the complications of falling in love.
not worrying about what it takes to make a woman happy is as relevant to winning her love as it is to winning her body.
rina:
is roissy the “lovah” type?
foshizzle.
but lovah encompasses a great swath of character traits. for instance, i love being in a relationship with a great girl.
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My ex husband did a bait and switch on me after we were married. We were very sexual before marriage. Sex every night, coed showers, midnight rendezvous in the kitchen, etc. After we were married he changed completely. Turned out he had major issues about money. All the work had to be done before play and the work was never done. Yes, the warning signs were there before marriage. Aren’t they always?
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Roissy and many of the guys here are really hoping for a woman to inspire them to fall in love. But the truth is when you’re good and ready, you’ll meet a woman and all the bells and whistles will go off and you’ll feel instantly “at home” and she will too. It will happen in an instant. A deep recognition that you won’t understand or be able to explain. Anything short of that, you’ll be analyzing and talking yourself into or out of. When you’re ready, it will find you when you’re not even looking for it.
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@soulrider: even if a guy gets inspired, what makes him deserving? to get love the you wish, you have to be able to provide it yourself. even in the market of love, the same scales of economy exist.
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45. “Deserving” doesn’t enter into it. We have a false idea of needing to earn what’s good in life. It’s a matter of being in alignment with your desire. When two who are in alignment with their heart’s desire meet the one who matches it; nothing can keep them apart.
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you could also try smoking da herb with your partner if you want to get into the soul. no sex necessary. that’s how i came to all of my realizations sooner rather than later, for good or bad.
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@soulrider: have you found your soulmate? if so, how do you know this person is your soulmate? the one constant i have observed in the relationships i admire and wish to emulate is the lack of selfishness. in fact each partner lives for the other. but if you have a different formula, please share. enlighten us all.
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48. Have not met my “soul mate” (and in fact there may be more than one), but I know he IS out there and it’s just a matter of us lining up with each other at the right time. Am not ready yet. As I’ve said, when we are both ready, all the universe will orchestrate our meeting. You said “lack of selfishness” and I say a much higher level of self-ishness. Perhaps we’re talking about the same thing.
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48. This is going to sound really weird, but I can’t make it sound any less weird. Do you believe truth is stranger than fiction? Is life itself an indescribable mystery? We have ALL created our life mates as a result of our positive and negative experiences here, and our evolved selves are already enjoying them. It’s just a matter of us slipping into or aligning with our evolved selves.
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@Shannon
You asked me if younger women (girls) go frigid.
Well, not really, in my experience when younger girls don’t want you anymore (and that happens, since they are more volatile than their older counterparts) they simply end the relationship and hook up with another dude. So no, they don’t go frigid but simply kick your ass, and the relationship sometimes only lasts 2-3 months.
But I suspect that a significant portion of women (10-20%) simply don’t enjoy sex that much and are frigid or semifrigid by nature, but the mayority of women 80-90% greatly enjoy sex.
One difference which is important when having sex is if the woman already had children. Women who didn’t had children tend to have tighter pussies which does make the sex more pleasurable. Another reason not to date single mothers.
Younger women and specially childless women have tighter snatches, which is an advantage, tighter snatches equal more rubbing and more pleasure.
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One difference which is important when having sex is if the woman already had children. Women who didn’t had children tend to have tighter pussies which does make the sex more pleasurable. Another reason not to date single mothers.
Younger women and specially childless women have tighter snatches
I’m very suspicious of that. It sounds urban-legendish to me.
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soulrider’s been reading her mysticism books! 🙂
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I’m very suspicious of that. It sounds urban-legendish to me.
Not at all. Some women who have decided not to have more children decide to reconstruct their vagina by a surgeon. There are surgeons in the US who specialize on reconstructing tight snatches and even virginity for younger women from traditional backgrounds.
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51 52: There’s a tightening up surgery that women can have performed. My doctor recommended it as an add on to my hysterectomy. Highly recommended. I also recommend kiegel exercises and taking breaks from sex. I find I tighten up even more after a bit of a hiatus. A loose snatch will indicate someone else has been there recently and a tight one makes a man feel like he’s the first, and they love that feeling!
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But I suspect that a significant portion of women (10-20%) simply don’t enjoy sex that much and are frigid or semifrigid by nature, but the mayority of women 80-90% greatly enjoy sex.
I suspect that the inverse is true, and that 80-90% of women don’t enjoy sex with beta males. Your numbers only make sense if the sex is restricted to alpha males.
If women were sexual, they’d wear slutty clothes and act in a slutty manner. They would look and act like porn stars to attract male partners.
Younger women and specially childless women have tighter snatches, which is an advantage, tighter snatches equal more rubbing and more pleasure.
Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of marrying these young women? After two or three children, her vagina will be “loose” and loose sensation thus decreasing sexual pleasure and increasing the chance that the husband will cheat on her with an even younger woman.
And no, I’m not going to force my wife to get vaginal reconstructive surgery, or any other surgery. It’s rather shallow. If I want a fake titted woman with all sorts of procedures, I’ll find one who has done the work already and does it for herself. I am not going to build a woman to meet my shallow, greedy sexual urges.
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“And no, I’m not going to force my wife to get vaginal reconstructive surgery, or any other surgery. It’s rather shallow. If I want a fake titted woman with all sorts of procedures”
I’m generaly not a fan of plastic surgery, and definitively hate fake boobs. botox and so on. The tightening of the vagina after several childbirths is definitivelty a good idea however. I once had sex with an older woman who had several babies, and the sensation just isn’t the same.
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A widow, by the way….
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53, rinaface: Not so much books as CDs and direct teaching from those in a position to know.
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The tightening of the vagina after several childbirths is definitivelty a good idea however.
The anti-patriarchal side of me can’t handle that. It’s as if we have to mold and conform women continually to meet the sexual desires and pleasures of men. OTOH, I’m a hypocrite because I watch porn with women big fake breasts, piercings, high heels, tattoos, and fake blonde hair which are all designed to please the male viewer.
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56 David: I find distinguishing between so-called alphas and betas is getting more and more difficult. There’s a dangerous perception that very masculine looking men are alphas, and less masculine looking men are betas. The line is getting more blurred. The ones perceived as betas, may in fact be more alpha in the true sense of the word. The misperceived alpha may in reality be a very scared little boy who hides behind a false bravado. Have experienced this myself with highly negative consequences. Often a man who has the ability to make a woman feel “safe” is one who is quite destructive and fearful in his dealings with women. An alpha is more than a man who makes your hormones rise at the sight of him. An alpha is a force for good in the world on many levels, AND a passionate lover.
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So Gannon, did penetrating Grandma seem like you were throwing a pencil down a hallway? Just askin cause I’ve never fucked an old lady before.
“It’s as if we have to mold and conform women continually to meet the sexual desires and pleasures of men. ”
David, this is a man’s world.
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So Gannon, did penetrating Grandma seem like you were throwing a pencil down a hallway? Just askin cause I’ve never fucked an old lady before.
To Gannon, an “older” woman is 21 years old.
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anonymous here: I’ve given myself a name to make it easier. DF and anyone else interested; if you’d like any feedback from an older woman you can ask me. Am probably the oldest poster here, at 54. BTW I love being 54 and I’m sure I will love being 86. Thank God my self image is not based on the viewpoints of older women expressed here! Just for your information; most older women would find the idea of having sex with a man 20 or more years younger just as unappetizing.
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She was still relatively young, early thirties, but already had several children…, and yeah, definitively a difference compared to women who haven’t had children. But yeah, still pretty good looking
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The linked vagina power video is hilarious though frighteningly accurate. Am curious, roissy, if the men she describes are in your estimation alpha or beta. I think there needs to be a 3rd category: parasite. Since parasites feed on the weak, strength is the only defense.
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Am curious, roissy, if the men she describes are in your estimation alpha or beta.
good rule of thumb: any man that makes a woman upset enough to yap at length on cable access about his penis ejaculating all in her brain is probably an alpha.
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^ From Wiki:
“In social animals, the alpha male or alpha female is the individual in the community whom the others follow and defer to. Where one male and one female fulfill this role, they are referred to as the alpha pair.”
Is this your definition too? If so, would the alpha female be the one who’s estrogenic mucous entered into the brain of the male?
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Check out this link: “The Absurdity of Feminism”
http://pages.prodigy.net/krtq73aa/delusion.htm
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The truth about marriage and the female sex drive:
“I was perfectly happy to wash dishes, clean floors, bring flowers, go dancing, etc when my wife and I were having sex basically every day, in all ways and every variation. But somehow, after we got married, sex once a day turned into sex once a week and then every two weeks, and the “variations” turned into standard missionary. Oddly, my interest in washing dishes, cleaning floors, bringing flowers and going dancing declined in direct proportion to the amount and inventiveness of the sex we were having.”
http://meganmcardle.theatlantic.com/archives/2008/01/marriage_minded.php#comment-1184691
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70: How is this the truth? We don’t know what was going on in the hearts and minds of the couple involved. We can only pretend and he of course has the agenda of wanting to appear blameless and without responsibility. Don’t we all want to appear that way when things go wrong??
Well….some more than others.
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