Standing in the last minute Valentine’s Day checkout line at the supermarket with twenty other men carrying roses, cards and chocolates, I paid for my one economy sized bottle of grape seed massage oil. They eyed my purchase curiously.
Suckers.
***
Behold the world’s funniest (and most bitingly insightful) new blog:
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/
If you are a blue state status whore, you will get uncomfortable reading this blog.
I agree 100% with the #56 Lawyers entry.
Yeah, but nothing tops this for idiocy:
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That blog is a definite classic. And definitely true.
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I like this regarding #57:
“Even though most disputes can be resolved through reason, unselfishness, and / or a google search, white people would prefer to take things to court or have something in writing.”
I solve a great deal of my personal problems with a google search.
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That’s better. 🙂
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Hell that is a great site!
“Please note that when around white people, that it is social suicide to admit or state that you don’t have a regular lawyer.”
Too funny.
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I am a bleeding heart L-word and I find that site offensive.
Just kidding. It’s great. White people like to lie in blogs’ comments sections.
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How about this treasure trove, #11 Asian Girls.
“Please note that this is one area where white women are exempt from, but they should be exempt from other things such as voting and participation in Division 1 sports. ”
Awesome.
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They should have added to the asian girls thing: “This white phenomenon has notably upset asian males, who see their mate choice diminish in proportion to the white male increase. But as Asian males are not fundamentally linked to any of the traditional victim groups white people pander too, nobody cares.’
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i didn’t think roissy would like 41.
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i didn’t think roissy would like 41.
i’d be ashamed of my indie music status whoring if it wasn’t a means to an end for scoring white people pussy.
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My Fav was the Prius post:
“Some white people decide to pull the ultimate move. Prius, Apple Sticker on the back, iPod rocking, and Democratic Candidate bumper sticker. Unstoppable!”
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Roissy….
DOUBLE TRUE!!!!
My indie mix tapes have gotten me more white vaj than a Whole Foods store
GOTCHA!
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Hilarious blog. It needs an entry on The Office. My white coworkers discuss it the way most people discuss American Idol.
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I also think it needs and entry for Judd Apatow. White people love them some Judd
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If you all despise white liberal urban culture so much, there’s always Des Moines, Iowa. I’m sure that would be a blast.
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“All white people are born with a singular mission in life in order to pass from regular whitehood into ultra-whitehood. Much like how Muslims have to visit Mecca, all white people must eventually renovate a house before they can be complete.”
This blog couldn’t be more perfect.
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“i’d be ashamed of my indie music status whoring if it wasn’t a means to an end for scoring white people pussy.”
true. i once actually attempted to like joanna newsom. i strained and strained, listened and listened, and ultimately failed… the status switch in my brain made me do this.
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white liberal urban culture so much, there’s always Des Moines, Iowa. I’m sure that would be a blast.
Ironically I know a brain surgeon in Iowa. He seemed a bit rather overworked to know much about the culture there.
Southern white culture is quite something else. They eat squirrels!
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Grape seed?!
And thanks for the linkage.
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Roi–
Props for being man enough to admit that there’s no shame in celebrating Feb. 14th with an upscale lubricant and your dominant hand. Perhaps your self-loving confession will help put the “I” back in Valentine’s Day.
Insolubly yours,
Nikita
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The other guys in the checkout line probably just assumed you were gay. I mean, you did identify a specific type of massage oil.
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i think you should write about this
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I was thinking they’d run out of shit after 100 or so, but I don’t think so. I mean, the whole Western world is centered around things White people like.
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sigur ros are the uberwhite band, but they’re still really good. but their concerts, jesus. i went to one and it was the most pretentious tripefest i’ve ever fucking seen, a synthesis of everything that site talks about, people standing around drinking fair trade coffee, smoking whatever in that faggy manner, bins emblazoned with the word RECYCLE, opening sets where the discussion revolved around the evils of george bush. at the end of the night around 30 people were actually sitting around some random, poncho wearing fuck who was strumming simon and garfunkel, ‘lielalie, lielalielalielielalie, lielalie!’ ridiculous.
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I’m not sure it’s so much a list of white people’s traits as it’s a list of Yuppie, or Urban Liberal, or Jewish, or Metrosexual traits.
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I think sarcasm should go under annoying stuff white people like. White people today think sarcasm, which is just really passive aggressive behavior for wimps who want to insult someone but wants the option of being able to pretend they were joking just in case the offended person wants to fight. White people reward sarcasm to ridiculous degrees. Even their comedy…Colbert Show and Daily Show are nothing but two guy being sarcastic…that is, just saying the opposite of what they really mean in a smug, condescending way…and they get hailed with words like “genius” “powerful” “thought provoking,” “speaking truth to power” “provocative”…..it’s FUCKING SARCASM. My 13 year old niece and her friends do it all day. It’s not a sign of comedic genius, and it’s really unattractive on fey, liberal, middle aged white men. Eat some red meat and grow some balls.
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T. – lol. comment of the month. the worst offenders of sarcasm overuse are the goth and emo dudes, and you can see why — they wouldn’t be able to fight their way out of a paper bag in case their sarcasm was taken at face value.
also, a lot of beta guys use sarcasm as a substitute for good game. they think it makes them edgy and badass.
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I have a general question and want an honest white male opinion. If your girlfriend was mad at you for a very good reason and told you to “go to hell”, would that turn you on or off? My Italian boyfriend got scared and ran off never to be seen again; even though I apologized shortly thereafter. He wouldn’t even speak to me. And that was after 3 months of what I thought was an awesome good thing. Great sex, good times and I treated him like a king. He seemed very satisfied with everything.
Sometimes I think only a black man could handle my temper. Or maybe my ex is just an Italian mamas boy who can’t handle a real woman’s temper. Am very confused about this! I cannot find a white man who is man enough for me, so am considering dating black men. I want to be able to express a little anger once in while and I get over it quickly so don’t understand what the fear is all about.
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Could be cultural, Greta. In some cultures certain kinds of insults are taken much more seriously than others: any kind of comparison to an animal, for example, is I believe taken as a particularly gross insult in Arab cultures. I don’t know – but it’s possible that “go to hell” is one of those things that is never said in Italy without serious intent to insult, not just as a throwaway angry comment, the way it is in English-language cultures.
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29 alias clio, thanks for that! In my family to tell someone to “shut up” was like “fuck you”. That may have been the case with him. Also in his culture, a lot of touching takes place. I used to think it meant he really loved me because in my family touching was a no-no. Come to find out, with Italians, it actually means very little. My M.O now is to take it slow…very slow, very, very, very slow. Someone who pressures you is sending up a “I’m needy” red flag. Either they’re needy for sex or needy for attention, or just plain needy.
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Yes, Greta – as you suggest, it may even be a person’s own family-culture that leads him to find a particular word or phrase insulting. We said “shut up” rather often in my family and no one meant any serious insult by it. On the other hand, to give someone the “silent treatment”, by refusing to answer or speak when you were angry, was considered deeply offensive. Sulking of any kind, in fact, was forbidden.
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#69- complaining about how hard it is to be white and rich
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greta, if a Finnish guy got upset about something as silly as “go to hell”, they’d be permanently stuck visiting Asian prostitutes. Hell, my MOM tells me to “go to hell” (and many other things which would definitely creep out foreigners).
Italians being touchy-feely mama’s boys are Italians being Italians.
Every black man I’ve ever met here has been a pathetic wimp who kept crying about all the “racism” (meaning that they ran into regular Finnish directness and were unable to get that it’s just the way we speak), always babbling about how their precious feelings have been hurt by some stuff no straight Finnish guy would’ve ever noticed. Fuck, our women are less touchy and irrational than black men.
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There are getting to be too many layers of ironic self-hatred in this blog for me to follow. Roissy has a liberal metrosexual lifestyle…but just to get pussy!…hates all other metrosexuals…hates girls who give it up to metrosexuals…hates girls who give it up at all…but lives to get girls to give it up…sarcastic all the time…but hates sarcasm…obsesses over ass-fucking…but hates gays and is terrified of transvestites…writes an ultra-white blog…links to sites about how urban white people are full of shit. It might all make sense somehow, but it’s hard to untangle.
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Greta, when women think they’ve intimidated a man the truth is often that the woman has become annoying and the man just doesn’t want to deal with them any more. Have you become annoying?
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I appreciate all the responses to my question. It’s really helping me get clarity as I’ve been suffering with this for some time now.
31 alias clio, I have to agree. The silent treatment is the worst possible type of aggression in that it’s highly personal. My aggression is more ‘goal oriented’ you might say. My goal was not to destroy communication, but to simply express my great displeasure at a particular behavior of his. Three weeks later when I finally just called him at work, he admitted I was completely justified in my anger, but “didn’t know what to say”. Is that bullshit, or what? On the contrary, he knew that giving me the silent treatment would be by far the most hurtful thing he could do. This was also after he had been reading relationship books to try to deal with his inability to handle conflict of any kind. That should have been a red flag to me, I guess! Looking back…you know…red flags were ignored.
33 jaakkeli, I love you! Where can I find a Finnish man? Haha. Seriously, I seem to get on so well with Europeans in general, but I must say my Italian woman friend is a bit much. She’s an extremely self-absorbed drama queen, and has driven her husband and children crazy. Her friends love her because of her passion, but it would be a nightmare being in her immediate family. She glorifies her emotionality and demonizes her husband who is very low key.
35 mq, annoying was not the case here as far as I can see, but can appreciate your question. I’m the kind of woman who never nags, gives my man lots of space to do his thing as I’m very busy with mine. I’m not insecure or needy, so can’t imagine how I might have been annoying.
Speaking of annoying; he’s moved on with an insecure, needy, child like woman, who from her body language is a real clinger. But then he’s insecure too. He cannot be without someone idealizing him for five minutes. As the only male child in his Italian family, he was worshipped. His new woman is extremely passive; a ‘wounded bird’ type. In fact after six months of dating they’re engaged! It’s the ultimate revenge!
Hmmmm…..now to find a nice Finnish man. 😀 I agree with your viewpoint on the blacks. Thanks for setting me straight. In fact I almost dated a gorgeous black man about a year ago, and man was he touchy. I should know better.
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Actually, Des Moines is pretty cool, and there are some really pretty girls there, and stuff is cheap compared to DC. Ever been there? It’s remarkable how many guys from the coasts knock midwestern cities without any basis for comparison.
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37: I’m from the midwest. Midwestern girls can be very hot, intelligent, cool, fun, accomplished, loyal, honest, sincere, beautiful, modern, creative, ….. shall I go on? I know many California/midwestern couples actually. They seem to balance each other out. People from the coasts can be so arrogant thinking they’re the be all and end all of human existence. Yawn. Arrogance is so fucking boring.
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You guys have misunderstood me. Certainly, there are many good things about the midwest.
I doubt you could argue, however, that midwestern cities (outside of liberal ones ie Chicago and Denver) would not be nearly as accommodating to the nihilistic lifestyle promoted here.
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mq, a true human being is full of contradictions, it’s healthy. i am, i contain multitudes! only lefties and religious people make one overarching opinion the be-all and end-all of existence.
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34 mq, AGREED. Roissy is not exactly role model material.
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39 gozer
“I doubt you could argue, however, that midwestern cities (outside of liberal ones ie Chicago and Denver) would not be nearly as accommodating to the nihilistic lifestyle promoted here.”
Agreed. Even though many of their beliefs are admittedly obsolete. It’s the case here too, of course. I’m on the left coast. My friends from Wisconsin are more modern than many here. But then, they’re young.
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There are getting to be too many layers of ironic self-hatred in this blog for me to follow.
Interesting… a commenter on the Stuff White People Like blog wrote:
Reminded me of the comment mq made, and made me giggle.
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#18 pretty much sums it up….”AWARENESS”.
Perhaps it will be a good thing if the economy goes south for awhile. All this liberal yuppy bullshit will be (somewhat) purged. FUCK IT…..VOTE FOR OBAMA!!!!!!!!!!!
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Gozer,
You’re probably right about the lifestyle thing (although a lot of midwestern cities are more “decadent” than one might think). I guess Midwesterners get put down so much, we get a little defensive. Sorry if I misunderstood your comment…
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