I don’t normally feel bad when I have to reject a woman, but this time I did. I had a deaf woman come onto me in writing. She stared at me hard from a few feet away, and I stared back, which in hindsight was a mistake because she didn’t meet my minimum attractiveness threshold. I should have done the right thing and looked away in mild disapproval, but her flagrant violation of American girl flirting norms with the extended eyeplay piqued my curiosity.
She tapped my arm and handed me a small notepad and a pen. On the pad were written some words in red ink, the color of love. She wanted me to write something in reply. I have reproduced the gist of our ensuing notepad conversation.
Her: Hi.
Me: Hi back.
Her: I’m from San Diego. Where are you from?
Me: {lame opener. another girl with no game.} I’m from XX.
Her: What do you think of this bar? It seems snobby. (she turns her nose up with her finger.)
Me: It is. We’re all hipster snobs here.
Her: (laughs without actually making the laughing noise.) I think u r 2 cute.
At this point I realize I have led her on and need to find a way to extricate myself before I waste more time entertaining a woman I am not interested in banging. But she is persistent, and her disability has prevented me from cutting off our written communication abruptly.
Me: Thx.
Her: Do you live around here?
Me: Yes.
Her: I’m staying with my two friends over there. They live nearby.
I looked where she was pointing and saw two attractive girls signing each other, then kissing. (!) Sensing what was going through my mind, my deaf woman quickly scratched out a note.
Her: They are girlfriends and don’t sleep with guys. They approve of you.
Me: They have good taste.
Meanwhile, this guy is loudly telling me to write down a request for a threesome and anal sex and to draw a sketch of a blowjob in her pad. The girls can’t read lips so even though they are standing right there they suspect nothing.
Her: I’m only in town for this weekend then I go back to San Diego. Would you like to come back to my place?
Me: I’ve sorta been dating a girl for a month who I like and I’d feel guilty about it.
This excuse was partially true. I was seeing a girl for a month and I did like her, but I wouldn’t feel guilty enjoying an easy one night stand with another woman.
Her: That’s OK. I have a boyfriend in San Diego.
I looked at the notepad with knitted brow. I didn’t know what to write. She grabbed it back.
Her: I’m only here for this weekend then I’m back home forever. You’re completely free after that. What do you say?
Her handwriting was getting sloppier.
Me: I really like this girl I’m dating. You’re great, but it wouldn’t be fair to her.
She glanced back at her two lesbian friends and they exchanged a few frantic hand signs. There was no subtlety. Although I can’t read sign language, it was easy to see her friends wanted her to wrap it up so they could go home and scissor. They even made the universal scissor sign with their fingers. Horny deaf woman gave it one last shot.
Her: You’ll never meet another woman like me.
Me: That’s true. (weak smile)
Her: This is your chance to sleep with a deaf woman.
Suddenly I was intrigued. Despite my many adventures, I don’t have a deaf girl notch. I decided to reconsider her offer. Her body was tight and lean — definitely fit enough to arouse me if it was attached to a different face. I squinted my eyes to see if it improved her looks. It was too dark in the bar. I needed better lighting for a final binding assessment. I leaned over to write my response in the notepad by a candle nearby and motioned for her to lean toward me to read what I wrote, hoping to get a good look at her face in the illumination of the candlelight.
Disappointment. She had the beginnings of jowls and regrettable crows’ feet. There was just too much age for me to put the hard work in to passively let her close the deal and rape me back at her friends’ place. Had she been only one point higher on the 1 to 10 facial scale, I would’ve gone for it. Having sex with a deaf woman is the kind of thing I would tell my grandkids as they sat in my lap.
Me: I would if things were different. But no.
Her: Really? You won’t meet many other deaf women.
Me: I know, but I can’t.
Her: OK. It was great to meet you.
A long lingering hug followed. She would use this hug later to masturbate.
It was too bad. I’m left to wonder if deaf women make funny moans at the moment of orgasmic release. And to think, no post-coital chit chat. Nothing but golden silence.
Deaf……and dumb. I can’t believe how cheap women make themselves in order to get laid.
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that is a tough one, the tight body would have probably closed it for me. just make her buy you two drinks and it would’ve been fine. oh and maybe a lunch bag at cvs. 🙂
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Man,
It was easily one of the funniest nights of 2008.
1.The temptation to not make a pelvic thrust/ spanking motion was way too great.
2.Writing the question, “Do you anal” would have easily been the greatest moment in deaf pick up history!!!!
Never has a hornier deaf woman existed…. You and your damn crow’s feet!
Now it looks like I might have to tell the story of hitting on the hot lesbian bartender with her live in girlfriend.
P.S
Always remember the great saying, “handicapped bitches can get it too”
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man, this story had me laughin’ my ass off, thanks for the tale! that sucks that she wasn’t pretty enough in the face, drat! you could have nailed a deaf woman, that’d would have been awesome! Oh well, maybe you’ll come across another horny deaf chick to bang someday who meets all the qualifications.
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Out of all the stuff you wrote, this is the line that got me:
“Her: They are girlfriends and don’t sleep with guys. They approve of you.”
What does this mean? Deaf lesbians normally not approve of men, but they approve in this case?
Usually lesbianism is a turnon, but something about this whole scenario and that statement is creepy.
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“In the Company of Men”?
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LOL!
Too funny.
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Witness!
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[…] feats even more amazing! Don’t believe he’s incredible yet? Check out his first VIDEO p (0 clicks) Deaf Woman Tries To Pick Me UpI don’t normally feel bad when I have to reject a woman, but this ti… The Problem with Advertising on Social Networks[Originally posted by Spike on Brains on Fire.] I […]
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true story. and while i don’t usually penalize women on the basis of their being less attractive, i would have permanently labeled you desperate had i watched you go through with that. (not because she was deaf, but because she looked way too old for [even] you.)
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Boring.
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#11 is clearly one of the deaf girls bc this is one of the funnier things I’ve read in a while…
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As to your question about whether deaf people moan funny when having sex? Yes. My friend used to live in a dorm half filled with deaf kids, and when they used to hook up you’d hear the moaning all through the walls. They actually moan during sex the same way they talk. And pretty loudly too. When I visited him you’d hear all these crazy moans going through the halls like a haunted house.
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^ hahaha
haunted house
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You’re such a softie, roissy. I could squish you with hugs and put little bunny ears on you, you are that cute.
‘Having sex with a deaf woman is the kind of thing I would tell my grandkids as they sat in my lap.’ AWWW. That’s going to be the cheesy ending of the Ultimate All American movie in the next coming years, I’m betting!
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Wait, roissy, you mentioned something about girls having game. I thought you concluded it was utterly and completely irrelevant and unnecessary to a woman? She can’t pull with game, can she? I understand personality factors being taken into consideration if you’re looking for a relationship…
eh, just found it odd you mentioned it.
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I think Tucker Max wrote a story about this in his beer in hell book. Apparently they make some inhuman groaning noise at the moment of climax.
What a waste of a potentially phenomenal story. Still entertaining though.
I just wonder what the deaf girl was saying when she demanded her friends take her out to a bar.
Something like: come on! I want to get laid!
I can’t believe how cheap women make themselves in order to get laid.
Let’s hear you say that if you were in her situation, with her looks.
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17 J. Smith
I would pray I would never be desperate for sex under any circumstances. To each her own, as the saying goes.
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You should’ve gone it, done once in my early 20’s with early 30’s totally deaf woman. Had to use my mobile to write out words till i got to her place at which time the note pad come out. Sex was good but my hand would have been less sore if i hada just tossed off!
Oh and she sounded sorta like a wounded German soldier with their belt done up to tight crying on the battle field?
Not one i think of if in need of quick relief though but was well worth it, if my friends had of seen me i wouldn’t have lived it down though.
The Huss
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You could have just done a Christian Troy and put a paper bag over her head. Fuck’s sake, what a wasted opportunity!
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I’ve seen a porn flick where this stud is banging a deaf chick, deaf chicks make the weirdest sounds ever.
It’s like a retard kid being shocked by a taser, while having a vibrator plugged in his ass at the same time (don’t ask me how I came up with that analogy).
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First of all, you are so dumb and bloody stupid!!!
How much do you know about deaf people?!
1: Obviously the deaf woman’s English is not as good as ‘hearing’ person’s English skills and would you wonder why? Because sign language is her first language and with that comes their own grammar and their own structures and she has her own culture. Same said for French women who cannot speak English.
2: The deaf woman (and deaf men) are often blunt, because they are not aware of subtlety or ‘beating around the bush’ and also not aware they are being blunt and sometimes, socially inappropiate.
3: However in many ways a deaf person have sex, there are plenty of pathetically hopless guys who are hearing and definetely doesn’t pass with top marks.
4: It doesn’t matter what kind of disability people have, they WILL find a way around it, whether is is dating, having sex or working on their careers, none of this is a joke.
5: Not ALL deaf women are like that, that is generalising. Does that mean EVERY men are huge dickheads like you guys?? What happens to the nice ones? You cannot speak for them.
5: Guys who makes fun of deaf girls, they are bullies.
I pretty much am guessing, are no fun in bed either.
6: Ignorance breeds even more ignorance. Shame on you.
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I agree with ‘S’ this shows how ‘normal’ people see deaf people as freaks sometimes just because they can’t all talk clearly. Blatant disrespect and if I met you I would more than slap you in the face.
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Every man dreams of a mute girlfriend. That alone would have clinched this one for me. Want to shut her up? Throw out all the notepads in the house.
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