For the men:
How soon after meeting your girlfriend is it OK to fart in front of her?
a. third date
b. two weeks
c. one month
d. one year
How soon after meeting your 20 year old, ballet dancer, former Urban Outfitters model girlfriend is it OK to fart in front of her?
a. one month
b. six months
c. 2 years
d. never. hold your farts in until you die of an intestinal embolism.
How soon after meeting your Rubenesque girlfriend is it OK to fart in front of her?
a. first date
b. five minutes
c. 30 seconds
d. every time she starts to talk, eat, bend over, or undress.
For the ladies:
How soon after meeting your boyfriend is it OK to wear oversized knee-length t-shirts to bed?
a. never
b. never
c. never
d. all the time if you’re featured on FUPA Hunter.
I’d say only after marriage, with respect to the men’s questions. The only exception is if she has farted (queefing doesn’t count) in front of you, then you may cut the occasional cheese.
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It’s never okay to fart in front of your girlfriend or boyfriend. In my opinion, at least.
Another question:
how soon is it okay to start delaying leg shaving for too long?
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Another question:
how soon is it okay to start delaying leg shaving for too long?
Who cares? It’s only another form of women’s shaving that concerns me.
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Another form, peter? Wow what a racy comment. You sound like a douchebag. For the record, a girl can slack on her legs after 2 months
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“How soon after meeting your boyfriend is it OK to wear oversized knee-length t-shirts to bed?”
“a. never
b. never
c. never
d. all the time if you’re featured on FUPA Hunter.”
HA HA HA HAA HAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! Once again, hilarious, thanks for the laughs, man.
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leg shaving is key as well as the “other” shaving.
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Few things are more luscious than a thick, luxuriant, glorious natural pelt. Yum!
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A person who has a pronounced problem with excess gas is not datable until they solve their problem. I recommend a Candida test. Had the problem myself and it once that was gone, so was the embarrassing gas. One can also tell how refined a person is depending on how they react to another’s flatulence. Do they make a big issue out of it, or simply open a window, light a candle..some incense, and smile? If one can fart freely around another without horrifying embarrassment, one may then consider it safe to have sex with said individual. It’s all about trust….at least from most women’s perspective.
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ew, the answer to the slacking on leg shaving is never, just like the answer to the t-shirt question is always “never”. why not just sleep naked?
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I agree with #9.
Never, ever, ever slack on leg shaving. In fact I am a fanatic on hair removal in general. Women who are fastidious only when they’re dating? They’re probably the types who get fat and let themselves go in other ways after the man is “secured”. To be avoided at all costs.
Also agree on the baggy T-shirt question. If you want to “bag” a man, stay away from wearing baggy T-shirts to bed. The exception would be wearing one of HIS lightly soiled aromatic T-shirts to bed if he’s not personally available. Love that.
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I disagree with the baggy t-shirt because I think that’s sexy. But I’m thinking of the “right” kind of baggy that still shows curves and is only just barely covers the but. Not the shapeless formcovering thing people give 10-years olds as XMas presents.
I also agree on the leg shaving comments. You’ve got to finish what you start. If that’s how you got him then that’s how you should keep him.
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I agree with all of you. But see… you may not know, but there is this week between monthly waxes where the hair is too short to be waxed and too long to not be gross. So he has to understand. It’s best in the long run.
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12 irina
Get a braun silk epil. It probably will not save time, but does eliminate the harsh stubble and grow out period.
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When can you fart? As soon as you have spent more than 100 consecutive hours together. It would be way too much bloat for the body otherwise to hold all that gas in.
Farting is a normal bodily function like burping. It’s always going to gross girls out, but it’s not like we don’t do it. The sooner you air it out in the open (pun intended), the better everyone will feel. The guy should always do it first, before the girl, to save her some embarrassment.
As long as it’s done without too much obviousness (like dutch ovening — something my husband / then boyfriend subjected me to in my freshman year of college, because I didn’t know what it was; he still laughs when I bring it up), it’s fine.
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Fart, it doesnt matter…you eat or go out to dinner, and then try to get it on….EVERYONE is trying to hold in the embarassing farts when you first meet…
Morning farts? EVERYONE has morning farts…
Holding them in, for a real person who laughs at family guy, and gross things…and the vulgar youtubes…you should wait at least 2 months….after having sex a few times and getting over the awkward stuff…
If you are waiting until marriage to fart in front of each, then i know wwhy the divorce rate is so high….
some people inherently dont fart that much,….thats not me…or anyone i know…so i still doubt their exisitence…
Also, you should always keep shaven…sometimes we get tired or in the winter slack on the shaving tip…cause you just get sick of the cold…or the winter blues…whatever, shave your stuff…
But to the guys…i have no problem with going down if that stuff is neatly manicured…i keep mine nice, so keeps yours nice too…
wrd.
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Wow what a bunch of sterilized for your protection individuals we have here. Peter, I’m disappointed in you especially…Only after marriage?
This is one of the reasons why being friends first is the way to go. Most of this blog actually.
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Also just trying to help: best line to dispel tension after farting when she’s making her ewww face: “no no just wait, you’re gonna like it.”
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I have several scars from shaving (traumatic!). My skin’s too sensitive for those epillators (and perhaps a bit of stubborness on the hair’s part).
Waxing keeps the hair nice and soft and non-stubbly for longer.
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15 The Fox
You may have Candida. Frequent farting is not normal. If your partner(s) find your excessive farts annoying & disturbing, perhaps you should try to correct the problem, rather than insist they tolerate it. Unless, you’re not too fussy about your partners odors.
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Farting is a kind of false disqualifier. I like to announce when they’re coming and then after it arrives, I point at her as if she was the one who did it and then make a joke about how she needs to see a colin specialist.
Like a certain pu guru has been known to say: everything that was funny in 2nd grade is funny once again.
Note: this seems to only work when there’s a loud sound but NO bad smell.
Further note: I’ve yet to find a predictable way to judge how bad the smell will be prior to letting it rip.
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“Further note: I’ve yet to find a predictable way to judge how bad the smell will be prior to letting it rip.”
Well maybe if you have an empty colon the smell is not going to be bad. But if you need to do number 2 and the air has to whistle past something nasty then it’s going to be pure ass.
(?)
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Oh Lisa, I love those ones, when the hopper’s full and you’re just letting out some (not so) sneak previews.
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http://BeforeAndAfterMarriage.com
enjoy 🙂
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How come caucasians are so concern about farting in a relationship? Farting doesn’t destroy relationships in Asians. Just fart all you want, this is a free world after all. hahahaha
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@Fartboy saidHow come caucasians are so concern about farting in a relationship? Farting doesn’t destroy relationships in Asians
Hehe it’s ten times worse for an AA then. We don’t like to take a dump in our SO bathrooms. I am hesitant to sh*t in my best friend’s bathroom.
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A woman should NEVER fart in the presence of a man who she wants to be attracted to her. She must maintain the illusion that she is above farting.
A woman farting, particularly during sex, can kill the attraction a man has for her. Even if the woman is a 10.
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If a woman you are dating farts by accident or purposely in your presence and you kiss her, she will be more attracted to you than ever and will want to marry you.
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Man farting while recieving a blowjob:
Him: “Hey, don’t take that BLOWjob so serious!”
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Woman farting while getting sucked by man:
She: “Hey, I told you, don’t squeeze my breasts so hard!”
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