There are essentially two types of breakups initiated by the girl that the average guy will encounter. Knowing which one you are dealing with is very important as that knowledge will enable you to manage the fallout to your benefit. (Where said benefit is defined as keeping the sex going.)
Breakup Scenario #1:
She’s lost attraction for you. Forget about the reasons why. They don’t matter at this point, and arguing with her about those reasons will only dig your hole deeper. Once a girl’s heart has gone carbonite cold you’re left with one option for releasing it from hibernation. This is your moment in the spotlight to call upon the twin gods of Aloofness and Indifference. No two deities have ever done more for a man’s self-respect and sexual allure. She wants to have “a talk”? Let her. While she’s talking, pick at your toenails. Take a piss. Ask her what she thinks of your new sneakers. Casually interrupt her breakup monologue, saying “Before you continue, did you catch that debate last night? This election is gonna be a squeaker.” When she finally lowers the boom, look bemused and announce “OK, well, take care then.” Make sure to pat her on the knee as you say this. She’ll look at you confused and ask if you have anything to say. Tell her “Nope, you’ve pretty much covered it all.” This will really fuck up her final act script. She wants confirmation that she’s going out on top and denying her that will ensure those old feelings flood her loins again. One week later expect a surprise call from her. Tip: It helps to rub one out just prior to a breakup talk. The calm state afterwards will give your aloofness the feel of authenticity.
Breakup Scenario #2:
She hasn’t lost attraction for you. She’s calling it quits because the passion started to fade and she was feeling unsure about your commitment to her. Again, the reasons don’t necessarily matter, and even if they did it’s pointless to ask a girl why she wants to break up. The female brain is incapable of straightforwardly answering that question. If she tried, she would sputter and pop gears like a robot computing a logical paradox. However, in this scenario your best response is NOT aloofness. Since she still harbors feelings for you what you need to do is amp the drama. Give free rein to your raging, untamed masculine essence. Pound the wall. Yell and swear with abandon. Chew her out. Grab her squarely by the shoulders and hold eye contact for a minute, lowering your voice to say “I’m not letting you go this easily. If you don’t love me then say it now. Say it! I dare you! … That’s what I thought.”, then passionately kiss her. If necessary, recreate a famous dramatic scene from a movie that girls love. If she calls you out on it and says “Hey, isn’t that from Casablanca?”, tell her to “Shut up and kiss me.”
Of course, knowing ahead of time which type of breakup she plans for you is more of an art than a science. If she says she has bad news with tears in her eyes and she’s jabbing a finger in your chest to punctuate her laundry list of grievances, assume you are dealing with breakup scenario #2. If she tries to break up over the phone or text, it’s guaranteed to be breakup scenario #1. If she breaks up with you face to face wearing old sweatpants, three layers of thick cable knit sweaters, and a scarf indoors while sitting as far away on the opposite side of the couch as possible, you are definitely the victim of breakup scenario #1. Try to french kiss her just for the funny reaction you’ll get. (I’ve done this.)
The female brain is incapable of straightforwardly answering that question.
as opposed to what other question(s), which it can?
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Although the reactions you brought up may work to hold the relationship together for a few weeks or so, the underlying issue that prompted her to initiate the breakup will not go away. If a breakup is inevitable, why fight it?
Scenario # 2 cracked me up, though.
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I’ve never thought this about your posts before but this reads to me as slightly disillusioned.. disillusioned = beta
I love your relationship management posts but I think this is the third break-up one so far. If a girl is going to break up with you, who cares? Why strategize slash worry about it? If you gave good sex and good feelings she’ll probably even come back later on. That’s the line of thinking you’ve always had that I associated myself with..
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Loved this post, agree 100%, but comment #1 by johnny five was the icing on the cake.
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This is another in a series of posts that Roissy writes from his alter ego. I have one, too! She’s a raging bitch who can read any man in ten minutes or less.
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So, the bottom line is “fuck with her head as much as possible” sit back and enjoy the show. Sounds like life in hell.. Ho hum. And of course it’s child’s play to fuck with a woman’s head. I can certainly understand the temptation. It’s child’s play actually to fuck with anyone’s head considering how wounded we all are.
It does sound as though–in these scenarios–that the woman is experiencing many bad feelings in relationship to you. Whether she wants to blame you or not; the bottom line is she’s feeling much less than good for whatever reason and is looking to feel better by cutting you loose.
If a man brings out the worst in you for WHATEVER reason (or vice versa) a change has to occur. How that change occurs is where imagination, creativity, openness, communication, and commitment can be utilized to end the relationship or keep it going. Otherwise you can use mind fucking games to end the relationship or keep it going. Isn’t life great? We have all these choices!! 😀
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^ Oh, I forgot; intelligence could be used to.
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I mean “too”. LOL
Gee, this post is hilarious.
….zzzz
………zzzzzzz
……….zzzzzzzzz.
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I have this dilemma:
-i’ve been hanging out with this guy for a couple of months or so. he likes me pretty well. he’s sweet and all that. he’s cute. has introduced me to most of his friends, as he prefers to hang out with them as well whenever we make plans to see each other (parties and what not). sometimes, but not always it will be like a couples situation.
i knew after a few weeks that i “WASN’T THAT INTO HIM”. but i do enjoy his company… and he’s a real “nice guy”. (go ahead, call him a beta) i know i have to cut him loose, i just never been in a similar situation before. (as it’s not, imo, a real bf/gf situation. -and i harbor no hard feelings… i just feel no pangs in my loins for him… normally, these types of situations just “simmer out” and no “break up” is necessary… but it seems like i have to spell it out for him)
-what do i do/say?
-go easy on the beta!! (after all, he is a nice guy.)
/LHG
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9 long haired girl: You are a guy!
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LHG –
1. dont ask guys for advice.
2. dont ask anyone for advice.
3. if you have to ask for advice, ask an older woman.
but since you ask…why do you have to cut him loose? what do you want out of this relationship? fun? then yes, cut him loose. if you want a boyfriend who is going to treat you well then you’re going to have to reassess your entire approach. there are plenty of
nicekind guys out there who do make you have dem pangs. bonus: you don’t have to apologize for their abominable behavior to all of your friends and relatives.if you’re def set on breaking up with him, the just TELL him. you’re prob already sending out the vibes and when he looks back in 2 months he’ll realize that he could have seen it coming.
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1. dont ask guys for advice.
2. dont ask anyone for advice.
Why do you say this? I could not imagine a life lived without advice from others.
In my opinion, the few people that I have met that lived without input from others were damn near sociopaths.
long haired girl,
What is the dilemma? You don’t feel for the guy. Cut him loose.
What is the dilemma?
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I think that Rina’s point, one I agree with, is that in matters of love, you shouldn’t ask people of the opposite sex for advice. Even friendlies, like a sibling. The advice is usually wrong.
You should consult with an older, more experienced or more successful person of the same sex.
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The advice is usually wrong.
You should consult with an older, more experienced or more successful person of the same sex.
Thanks. Now I got it.
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It helps to rub one out just prior to a breakup talk. The calm state afterwards will give your aloofness the feel of authenticity.
insta-calm
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well going along with scenario 1, wouldn’t it be better to rub one out right in the middle of her talk. Like you’re so indifferent that you could bust a nutt because you don’t care.
Like you just pull it out and she’s all like
“hey what are you doing”
and you’re like,
“what? oh were you saying something?”
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OK, thanks….
(btw… i checked, and i DO have female parts)
the dilemma lies in the fact that i do think he is a nice guy, and i want to get out of this without being a bitch. i feel like i have to tread delicately since we share a lot of mutual friends…. (that’s how we met)
i have to cut him loose, cause, while i think he looks good on paper (and my mother would agree) -he’s just not doing it for me, and i don’t see that changing.
rinaface -i have NO problems with dating “nice guys” ,then can be as nice as can be… however, if they don’t do it for me (ie, turn me on… the simply just dont turn me on)
waiting for that special nice/kind guy to rock my world!!
.LHG
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long haired girl,
I don’t see any reason why you would be perceived as a “bitch” for ending the relationship. But, if that is the case, then you will need to marry him to assuage any possible hurt feelings.
Of course. if you dump him in a cold-blooded way, sure, that would make you a bitch, but I don’t think we are debating that here.
It almost sounds like you are apologizing for dumping the Nice Guy. What I mean is, that you are NOT dumping some guy who happens to be Nice, but, that you are dumping a Nice Guy.
I don’t mean to put words in your mouth, it just sorta sounds like that.
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Long haired girl — Girls do it all the time. Don’t make it harder than it is. You can do eet.
You know what a lot of women do, tried and tested method: store up resentment about something he does but not tell him about it, wait until you find someone you DO like thus giving the motivation you need to leave the relationship, then break up with him citing whatever it was he did a long time ago. Being a beta he won’t question it when you tell him it’s all his fault.
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Anyway the real bitches are the ones who foist the blame for their breakup off on the guy. You sound like a kind person (beta) yourself so see this as a learning experience. Take responsibility for not liking this guy and just tell him. and say to yourself fuck it if anyone thinks I’m a bitch, I know I’m not a bitch and that’s the only opinion that matters.
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LHG,
Tell him the truth, compassionately. He may be hurt, but he won’t think ill of you if you handle the situation honorably and with respect. And you’ll know you did what was best for you both, which is not what bitches do, ever.
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21: and then he can act all aloof and indifferent, and we’ll both leave “happy”. – i appreciate your response though.
19/20: your answers kinda contradict one another. the first one would seem like a pretty cowardly solution. (not to mention time consuming)
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and then he can act all aloof and indifferent
So you are going to stay with a Man that you do not want because you do not want him to act aloof afterwards?
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Usually Lurking:
nooooo…….. of course not.
the proper thing is to end it with him; whether or not he will play roissy’s game of aloofness or not. -that really would not be of my concern.
my concern is not to be a bitch, i like him (as a friend) -just feel no attraction towards him (anymore)
like i said, i’ve never been in a similar situation. since our friends blend together like a venn diagram, i feel like i should execute said operation with some delicacy and finesse, that’s all….
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24 LHG,
Finesse is a lost art! Good luck with that. I can tell you this. My ex-husband was a real gentleman when it came to breaking up with women. There was a woman he worked with (in the same department and he was a manager) that he dated for a year. She was very much in love with him and wanted to get married. I knew her well. He broke up with her and let her down so gently and compassionately. She told me he called her every night for about three weeks to “talk her to sleep”. He comforted her completely through it. She told me “he hung the moon.”
Why did he end it? Sex on his end was dismal. He said having sex with her was like “opening a package”. She was too “prim and proper”.
She ended up getting married to a very wealthy man who in Malibu, CA. I helped her with the wedding. Hopefully she’s very happy.
Good luck.
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like i said, i’ve never been in a similar situation. since our friends blend together like a venn diagram, i feel like i should execute said operation with some delicacy and finesse, that’s all….
OK, I understand. I know that you were told not to take advice from others, but I will put this out there anyway: After you tell him that you are not attracted to him, do not tell him that you like him as a friend.
He doesn’t want to be your friend. That is not what he is feeling.
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long haired girl – why dont you like him? You think he’s cute and you like his personality. You won’t even give him a shot? What are you looking for? What are “pangs” in your “loins”? That sounds like it’s from a 17th century novel.
You want to end it and you don’t seem to know why.
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26. OK, won’t tell him i like him as a friend “noted” (but i do …lol)
27. Oh, i know why i want to end it. do i need to spell it out? -he doesn’t turn me on…
25. that’s noble of your husband i suppose, i don’t see myself doing anything of that nature….
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^ I understand LHG. It was great for her, but would not be good for him. Still it’s a nice story to share for the guys perhaps.
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candy cane and usually lurking, you should go get a room together. friendship first, but you never know!
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candy cane and usually lurking, you should go get a room together. friendship first, but you never know!
johnny five, what are you talking about? I told LHG NOT to tell the guy that she liked him as a friend. If anything, she should be blunt with him as to why he does not turn her on.
The more that he hears that being a Nice Guy will NOT get him blowjobs, the more he will rethink his M.O.
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What are “pangs” in your “loins”? That sounds like it’s from a 17th century novel.
It’s the ultimate in female arousal, and sometimes it can feel better than orgasms. Biologically they are contractions in a female’s uterus to change its positioning so that it is more receptive to sperms. It’s true that if a woman’s wet and her underparts are swollen, she’s ready for sex. But that doesn’t mean she is actually going to feel those “pangs.” Those are fundamentally more linked to psychology.
There are many euphemisms for this sensation in literature, like “feeling one’s knees go weak,” or “a feeling of floating,” or “feeling faint / breathless,” or even “feeling feverishly hot.” These are all bi-products of the “panging” sensation. I do not believe that men experience these pangs, but they may experience the breathlessness, etc.
my concern is not to be a bitch, i like him (as a friend) -just feel no attraction towards him (anymore)
So when he was a new friend you did feel the attraction, didn’t you? You can always recall that feeling if the conditions are right. Under normal circumstances, you are simply too “comfortable” to feel the “pangs.” That’s the psychological aspect of this (and also why people find kinky sex so hot — the nervousness). If he made you feel nervous, like he did when you first met him, you would — correct? If he was faster on the moves with you physically, he wouldn’t be “nice,” but he would have won your attraction.
At this point, you can either chalk him up to a lost case, or you can see if you aren’t just fooled by your own chemicals. Try to be alone with him in a different setting, rather than hanging with him around his friends (a much more comfort-inducing setting). See if your behavior does not change in a different context. Go see a horror movie together, or some place new where you do not feel 100% safe, or just go to either his or your place alone. I’m sure the tension would build up in no time.
Know yourself, what you want, and what makes you tick. Understand that wanting to always turned on by a guy is not conducive to a long-term relationship, because that initial passion always cools. The pangs subside into comfort, sweetness and oxytocin-induced trust, which are powerful in their own right. You can always provoke the chemical rush back through other means. I don’t mean to preach, but constantly seeking that next “high” of the “panging” is a fast way to constant drama and heartbreak.
I’ve been much happier since I understood the cause of my pangs.
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Regarding johnny five 30: I don’t think he was being sarcastic U.L.!
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This is not my experience. I’ve had a girl try to break up with me, all watery eyes, listing the grievances (like scenario 2), and she couldn’t do it. I just stayed silent and looked at her. Then two weeks later she called to break up.
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This was a funny and interesting post. Curious, what would you consider a woman who was crying when she broke up with you and couldn’t seem to leave? Sounds like a number 2 to me.
If so then I think I screwed the pooch. this girl, my gf, was pretty awesome as girlfriends go, likes sex, likes the things I like, even enjoys seeing me do the things I do even if she doesn’t always get why. For a woman she was pretty funny and we seemed to get along remarkably well. She is also incredibly attractive and sexy the ways I like women, the right curves in the right places. She is definitely a rare woman which is why I want her back. Even if wanting an ex back is beta to some peoples standards. i figure why go for something that you’ll only enjoy for a couple of months when I had something I could enjoy for a long time.
We broke up because she felt I was always having crazy ideas and not pursuing the happy medium which would allow us to have a family. (Grad school, some inventions that I am pursuing, and a fledgling writing career all seem to be crazy ideas to her) She definitely was concerned with my commitment. Since I lost my job and haven’t been able to get one, she was concerned with my ability to provide. She also was afraid that we would get in a rut like one of my friends and his girlfriend. Not to mention she has some trust issues stemming from a bad ex and he father.
My goal has been to get in shape, get a job get some of these ideas out of the planning stages and stay somewhat aloof from her. If she was a #2 it sounds like I needed to go the direction of amping up. However it’s been four weeks.
I told her we were going to meet on her birthday 2 months from the breakup (bad idea I know, but I don’t care), she tried to wiggle out of this and I told her maybe was all right but that she wanted it to be yes. Should I instigate contact again try to amp it up again or should I wait the two months and then try it then. Anyone got any ideas?
Since I am a pretty easy going guy most of the times, I also have a hard time going dramatic. Any ideas how not to make it look fake? That said, I also never brought her flowers and all that mushy stuff, maybe that will work as it is reverse my nature? Whatever I still want to keep control I just want to figure out how to regain from this point without losing a great gf, a gf who is the only gf I have ever considered going out with again.
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Great post!!! My ex-gf did the exact same thing when she wanted to breakup. She came over my place wearing this old sweatpants with paint stains over them and a sweater. She sat on the couch and midway thru her breakup speech, she chickened out (I think) and didn’t do it. By then, the signs were very obvious. I instead ended up breaking up with her a few weeks later before she had the chance to dump me. This now clarifies that I was the victim of breakup scenario#1. It amazes me how the female mind works. If you’re an aloof, indifferent prick they’ll love you. But if you’re overly nice and sweet, and shower them with attention, they loose interest. Go figure….
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she calls
her:”we need to have a talk….”
you:”no we dont” *click*
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