February 29, 2008 by CH
Take a look at this photo:
What snap judgements did you just make of each girl? Don’t think too hard about this, go with your gut. Once you have your answers, scroll down to see if they match mine.
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Girl on left: Cockblock.
Middle girl: Chaperone.
Girl on right: Shit tester.
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OK, from left to right:
1) Getting her Ph.D in molecular bioscience from MIT. Concert pianist. Obama supporter. Visits relatives in Singapore every summer. Parents own a 5000 sq foot home in the Hamptons.
2) Slut’s slut. Has been sleeping around compulsively for the past 5 years while she searches for the “perfect guy.” Dumped her last boufriend because she caught him not coorsinating his shoes with his belt. Works in public relations or publishing and swears like a gangster from The Wire. Voted for Hillary in the DC primary, but too busy fucking and collecting shoes to care much about politics.
3) In a monogamous, long-term relationship with a guy 15 years older than herself, who spends $1000+ on her per week. Slightly airheaded and a McCain supporter, but fun and kind of kinky.
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1. Has baggage from adolescent years when her crush on some super caucasian joke was met with a racialt toned rejection. Now will only do guys that remind her of that high school joke.
2. Has daddy issues and possibly suffers from vaginal dryness which has been misdiagnosed a pysilogical, but is really psychosamatic because she just can’t relax enough and “go with the flow” ( pun intended ).
3. I think I saw the one on the right in an episode to “2 girls 1 cup”
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1. My sister-in-law
2. My sister
3. My best friend.
Thanks a lot, asshole.
(For those who don’t know me, I am just kidding.)
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Who cares? I would have sex with none of them.
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Left: typical annoying Asian girl who’ll ask a shit load of questions but will let you stick it in her ass if she thinks you love her.
Middle: will let you go 4 knuckles deep when you finger blast and will give you head on the first night but all of a sudden she needs to be in a committed relationship before you can fuck her. Sure mah, let me treat your mouth like daycare and drop my kids off
Right: Punk rock chick who doesn’t have a corporate job but will let you bang her silly. Girls who wear animal print subconsciously want to get dominated…. Hard
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Average
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I think I saw the one on the right in an episode to “2 girls 1 cup”
That’s why her hair is streaked brown.
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Only in DC would a commentator chime in some chick’s voting record.
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Is this what you have to choose from? No wonder you’re so miserable!
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Here’s my guesses as to what REALLY counts:
Left: unshaved
Middle: landing strip
Right: bald eagle
Wouldn’t be a hard decision for me, would it?
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^ Can we please ban him?
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1)annoying asian girl whose smart enough to realize she can only marry either: a beta white man who is obsessed with asian women or an alpha asian man who will probably beat her for being so ugly.
2) Look how low her dress is, definite VT/JMU/UVA sorority slut.
3) This is a tough one: maybe a sassy hipster girl with bad highlights, would probably be an ice queen at first but then needy cause of her extreme insecurities.
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VK is right about the 2nd one though,definitely, I know from experience. Probably the first one as well.
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The asian girl has the slutty friends just so she can live out being a slut through them. Probably has to run potential fuck buddies through the parents first.
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1. Valedictorian
2. Girl Next Door
3. Club Girl
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1. Why bother
2. Don’t want none
3. Want her holey most
All three are pretty marginal, though.
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All three are wearing hoop earrings, which some consider to be indications of skankiness. And note that the girl on the right has earrings with the same leopard print as her shirt. Does that score an extra skankiness point or two?
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left has an authentic smile, and has little or nothing to hide. center and right are most likely incapable of a genuine smile for the camera, if not in general.
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#1 joe t.
In a monogamous, long-term relationship with a guy 15 years older than herself, who spends $1000+ on her per week.
agreed, but change 15 to 20-25.
fortyish is still a bit young for a ‘generous gentleman’ in an ‘ongoing mutually beneficial relationship’.
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#5 vk Right: Punk rock chick who doesn’t have a corporate job but will let you bang her silly.
‘but’?
is there some universal pattern between corporate/noncorporate and bang silly/not bang silly?
Girls who wear animal print subconsciously want to get dominated…. Hard
no need for the words ‘who wear animal print’ here.
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All need to invest in better foundation or Bare Minerals or something– they are way too shiny.
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Is it legal to post people’s pictures on a website? I’m only asking because I have a site and have been posting pictures on it without people’s express permission.
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these comments remind me of when i was watching conan last night and my roommate made a disgusted face at natalie portman.
what do you have against her, i asked
‘she’s ugly’ he said
who do you think is pretty then?
‘i see prettier girls on this campus every day’
‘really? where? natalie is so gorgeous. perhaps you have higher standards for women on tv?’
‘yeah, maybe i do.’
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Regarding my 20 post. Never mind. I see you reposted the pics from another site.
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1) Sociopath / manipulator
2) Good girl who binge drank too much in college
3) Has a hair fixation — wants you to pull her hair whenever. Kissing, having sex, whenever.
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Left: Will cockblock by pulling her friends away to dance with her instead, and asking you questions about what you do for a living and what not
Middle: Thinks she’s not as good as her 2 friends, making her easy pray, at the same time, she’ll prefer gossiping with chick on the left about guys talking to Right girl.
Right: She’s trying really really hard to look attractive, meaning, she’lll be the easiest one, but with the largest bitch shield because she attracts looks and lame beta moves.
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This should be a regular feature. Except with better girls next time. I can’t even be bothered to stereotype those scabs.
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One in middle: hot.
Other two: in the way.
Hey, you said ‘snap judgment’.
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Left: Boring/Annoying Girl
Middle: Boring girl that pretends to be nice
Right: Sleeps with lots of guys to run away from emotional problems
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no, yes, maybe.
any other questions?
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The one in the middle is cute. Is that a nip-slip dress when she leans forward?
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@vk: the animal print comment – spot on.
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#1 Joe T.
Agree with you on middle and right, but way off on the one on the left.
Hardly a Ph.D. candidate, but instead the daughter of immigrants who run (and work 15-20 hours a day in) their hole-in-the-wall restaurant in Anacostia. She was born here, and is first in her family to go to college, but buys into all the standard victimology crap. Majored in something like “critical queer studies” and has frequently battles with her parents over cultural differences.
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My first thoughts:
The one on the right: The hot one. Fun.
The one in the middle: Goody-goody.
The one on the left: Medical student.
Must admit, your description seems a lot more accurate.
http://thisdevilsworkday.wordpress.com/
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VKMiddle: will let you go 4 knuckles deep when you finger blast and will give you head on the first night but all of a sudden she needs to be in a committed relationship before you can fuck her. Sure mah, let me treat your mouth like daycare and drop my kids off
*DEAD*
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