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Chateau Heartiste

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Things I’ve Learned

March 3, 2008 by CH

Pulling up in a cab to a hipster dive bar is a major social faux pas. This was news to me. You see, hipsters have an image in their heads of what guys piling out of a cab on a Friday night look like — either Georgetown clones or A|X wearing K street club monsters — so when a cab pulls up to their favorite hole in the wall eyebrows are raised. Any hipster worth his calculated pose of cynical detachment would walk to his bar of choice since he authentically lives a few blocks from it. I’m pretty sure the doorman laughed out loud when he saw our cab.

Speaking of hipsters, it is now considered retrograde to actually call them by their rightful name.

Me: This place is pretty much hipster central, huh?

Girl: No one calls them hipsters anymore.

Me: So what do you call them?

Girl: Nothing.

Me: OK, then I guess you guys like to hang out in a bar full of nothings.

barelybeer.jpg
Irony doesn’t make it taste better.

I plan to go to the same place next weekend and test their patience by wearing pointy shoes.

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Posted in Ridiculousness, The Big City Life | 18 Comments

18 Responses

  1. on March 3, 2008 at 2:04 pm virgle Kent

    Dude,

    The look on your face when that piss hit your lips…… FUCKING PRICELESS!!!! I’m glad you took a proof of life picture. You’re reaction was as if you just swallowed another man’s load.

    In every man’s life you get old enough were being “ironic” is no excuse for having bad taste…. just saying

    God I’ve never laughed so hard

    LikeLike


  2. on March 3, 2008 at 2:52 pm DF

    “I plan to go to the same place next weekend and test their patience by wearing pointy shoes”

    …..and relaxed pants

    LikeLike


  3. on March 3, 2008 at 3:05 pm rinaface

    hipsters never admit to being hipsters and they hate the name. sometimes i wonder if i’m a hipster but then i remember that i’m immune

    LikeLike


  4. on March 3, 2008 at 5:34 pm T.

    I never understood the label “hipster.” It’s so damn flattering when you think about it. “Hip” as in they set trends or are creating new styles or are so fresh and so cleanclean. But look at them. They wear mismatched clothes, recycled NY punk styles from the late 70s and early 80s, retro clothes and hair, deliberate bed head and disheveled appearance, ratty clothes, etc…..growing up we just called people like that dirtbags, not hip. Everything about them is a dated, older style.

    Dirtbags people, not hipsters. Irina is right about hipsters not calling themselves hipsters though. That’s the first sign of a hipster poseur (a poseur poseur, how meta) is when they actually call themselves a hipster.

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  5. on March 3, 2008 at 6:25 pm finefantastic

    what a bunch of dorks.

    you should move to the sticks. at least we are spared the irony.

    LikeLike


  6. on March 3, 2008 at 6:48 pm agnostic

    you should move to the sticks. at least we are spared the irony.

    You have to move to the sticks of all sticks to escape this nonsense. Indie rock is huge in smaller metropolises, even ones you don’t even think of as “metro areas.”

    It’s even a bit worse, in the sense that hipsters in smallertown America aren’t simply “appropriating” White trash icons like PBR; they get a perverse sense of local pride by drinking it.

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  7. on March 3, 2008 at 6:49 pm agnostic

    (OK, I’m on a caffeine high and can’t think, hence three uses of “even” within 12 words.)

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  8. on March 3, 2008 at 7:23 pm hauser

    lol…Urban history is now being written by 140 lbs indie nerds. I think that’s what you’d call “irony”.

    The funny thing is that even with all the hatred thrown at hispers these days, people still end up going to their hang-out spots over Adams Morgan or G-Town. Apparently, the Late Night Shots Crowd is none better. Too bad there’s never a middle-ground

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  9. on March 3, 2008 at 8:14 pm Lemmonex

    I mean I get your point–the hipsters grate on me too…but don’t you hang out at the Black Cat? Just sayin’.

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  10. on March 3, 2008 at 9:12 pm Ava V

    other “metro” areas even include Providence, people like to mention bands they know i’ve never heard of. why is liking something that no one else likes the cool thing? i hate how they try to make you feel bad for not knowing these things. and lastly, not following a “trend” and being a hipster is still a fucking trend! you’re still part of a group of people that does everything just like you.

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  11. on March 3, 2008 at 10:02 pm Anon

    What???

    You didn’t use your “alpha” body language, “game”, and pickup skills to get a hot girl to take you home?

    Totally LAME.

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  12. on March 4, 2008 at 12:37 am Anon

    Let’s go with hiptards then.

    LikeLike


  13. on March 4, 2008 at 1:24 am shadi

    i never really learned what a hipster was until i walked into some locally popular bar in williamsburg, brooklyn, nyc.

    i immediately turned around, walked out, and chastised my white friend for taking me. of all the places in new york city? wtf?

    i now avoid so-called hipster places in dc. never again.

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  14. on March 4, 2008 at 6:49 am Jewcano

    The litmus test is that if you resent being called a hipster, you are one. I think there’s also a limit as to how many white sneakers you can buy per year.

    Black Cat, from what little I’ve seen, is for people that want to be hip. A hipster knows they are hip. So they have no need to go to Black Cat, since the scene there is long dead (another hipster giveaway – the scene is always dead.) Instead, they spend their nights playing Wii bowling in a pool hall underneath Adams Morgan that, uh, Roissy also hangs out in.

    Roissy, I believe the corollary to the main point of your post is to never go to a house party that a girl throws unless she has explicitly stated that she is going to sleep with you; otherwise it is a guaranteed sausage fest.

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  15. on March 4, 2008 at 8:49 am K.

    Hipsters are the new douchebags.

    LikeLike


  16. on March 4, 2008 at 2:02 pm Calculated Pose of Cynical Detachment | urban bohemian

    […] A snippet from the express blog log this morning that made me laugh and I suspect Kris will enjoy it as well: Speaking of cabbies, pulling up in a cab to a hipster dive bar is a major social faux pas. This was news to me. You see, hipsters have an image in their heads of what guys piling out of a cab on a Friday night look like — either Georgetown clones or A|X wearing K street club monsters — so when a cab pulls up to their favorite hole in the wall eyebrows are raised. Any hipster worth his calculated pose of cynical detachment would walk to his bar of choice since he authentically lives a few blocks from it. I’m pretty sure the doorman laughed out loud when he saw our cab. – Roissy in DC: Things I’ve Learned […]

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  17. on March 6, 2008 at 6:21 pm PDX Outcast

    I imagine your heads would explode during a night out in Portland, Oregon. The place is wall-to-wall pretentious assholes of the “hip” variety and yes, here too, in spite of having some of the finest beers available a significant number swill PBR. Needless to say my disdane for this tribe increases by the day.

    LikeLike


  18. on August 12, 2008 at 5:32 pm Lola Wakefield

    Young Grasshopper,

    I see you have recently come across your first life lesson in hipsterology: never call a hipster a hipster. This enrages them into a nonchalant frency of squinting their eyes and flipping their bangs at you.

    To learn more about things hipsters don’t like, check out my blogumentary on hipster culture:

    http://www.stuffhipstersdontlike.wordpress.com

    LikeLike



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