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“I want to be romanced.”
Translation: “I want you to state your desire to fuck me with impeccable subtlety.”
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“One day you’ll meet your soulmate.”
Translation: “One day you’ll settle.”
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“Just be yourself.”
Translation: “Know your place.”
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“I will never cheat on someone I love.”
Translation: “I will never cheat on someone I love given the options available to me.”
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“Does my ass look fat in these jeans?”
Translation: “Will you assuage my insecurities?”
- “If she doesn’t want me, it’s her loss.”
Translation: “It’s my loss.”
- “It’s what’s on the inside that counts.”
Translation: “You’ll never get laid.”
- “I’m spiritual.”
Translation: “I’ve substituted one bogus belief for another that is peer-approved.”
- “Everyone is different.”
Translation: “Generalizations are an affront to my inflated ego.”
- “You look as beautiful as the day we first met.”
Translation: “I forgot how much better you used to look.”
- “I love you.”
Translation: “I love you.”*
*I love you is impossible to say deceitfully without some part of your face twitching in betrayal. It’s like the truth serum of turns of phrase. Try it sometime with a lover you don’t really love. You’ll see what I mean. The words will ricochet in your brain and curdle your tongue before they’ve escaped your mouth if they aren’t sincerely felt. I love you too, baby and Love YOU don’t have the same effect. Those permutations can be effectively fibbed. Only the original three words, with meaningful eye contact, will thwart your best efforts at lying.
*I love you is impossible to say deceitfully without some part of your face twitching in betrayal.
riiight, and it’s also impossible to lie without looking to the right…
it appears you’re fortunate enough never to have crossed paths weth a true sociopath. may the road continue to rise up to meet you, and may the wind continue to be at your back.
the rest is as trenchant and percipient as has come to be expected from you.
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tuesday night arithmetic lesson:
with + ethanol = weth
fuck.
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“I’m spiritual.”
Translation: “I’ve substituted one bogus belief for another that is peer-approved.”
People have audibly gasped when I tell them I am an atheist. It really is one of the final frontiers. Religious folk have tried with all their might to convert me, preaching the beauty and wonder of Jesus. It is never so beautiful when I tell them I do not need to believe in fairy tales to guide my moral code.
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I love you Roissy!
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All of the first phrases are uttered by a person who almost 100% or 100% believes what he or she is saying. So it’s not lying if you’re lying to yourself. Eh?
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I love my big supercock.
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#3 Lemmonex:
It is never so beautiful when I tell them I do not need to believe in fairy tales to guide my moral code.
Translation: I’m an atheist because it makes me feel superior to others.
I’m an atheist as well, but it shouldn’t be treated as a status symbol.
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I once sincerely told a girl I loved her.
Her reply?
“Ohhhhhh…”
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So it’s not lying if you’re lying to yourself. Eh?
It’s cognitive dissonance. I really do think my husband’s cuter than Brad Pitt, but I know, too, that it’s not an opinion shared by the rest of the world.
I love you is impossible to say deceitfully without some part of your face twitching in betrayal. It’s like the truth serum of turns of phrase.
This is so true. I’ve tried to say those words to men I didn’t love, and it was like the sounds just refused to come out. When they did, I couldn’t look him in the eye. It felt like lying to two people, myself and the guy. Saying it in a different language doesn’t even help.
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Lemmonex – I find it is not worth the hassle to tell people I am not religious. They freak out.
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“I love you is impossible to say deceitfully without some part of your face twitching in betrayal. It’s like the truth serum of turns of phrase.”
I don’t think you’ve met enough people. There are some people with a gift of lying, and they’re more than capable of saying whatever is necessary to get what they want.
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I’m the baby, gotta love me.
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Reggie: I don’t treat it as a status symbol, even if I do wear a button that says “I am an atheist, so tell your God to go fuck himself”. I do see it as something that is part of me. I am an atheist because I just don’t believe in God, religion, etc. I have much better things to feel superior about.
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“I’m spiritual.”
Whenever I hear someone say that I immediately think they are an idiot. They may not be, but they chose to use that nearly meaningless phrase.
Lisa: So, do you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?
Amber: No.
Lisa: Are you Jewish? Muslim?
Amber: No
Lisa: Zoroastrian?
Amber: Huh?
Lisa: Are you an Atheist? Agnostic?
Amber: I am very Spiritual!
Lisa: Oh.
That word ranks up there with “Community” and “Closure”. Community used to refer to your neighborhood or town, now, it refers to almost anything. And Closure is simply another meaningless concept.
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I’m the baby, gotta love me.
Nice Dinosaurs reference.
Don’t make me eat you!
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“If she doesn’t want me, it’s her loss.”
Translation: “It’s my loss.”
Anyone here that watches MMA/Ultimate Fighting will know this analogy:
Anytime a fighter tells his competitor that a Rocking Punch did not hurt, it hurt. When the strikes/punches do not hurt that much, the fighter does nothing.
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What’s the translation behind the phrase,
“Call me”
Just sayin
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I don’t actually agree with any of your translations Roissy. It shows your low neuroticism level.
For example, in my experience:
“One day you’ll meet your soulmate.”
One day you will realize that there is no such thing, but grow to be dependent on, fully trust, and understand someone who’s not related to you.
“I will never cheat on someone I love.”
I will never cheat on someone I love given that I still feel exactly the same way about them as I do at this moment.
“I’m spiritual.”
I am trying to cure my panic disorder and cynicism has only exacerbated it.
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Now THIS is a chick who’s *really* devoted to her man:
The Associated Press
NESS CITY, Kan. | Law officers in western Kansas are investigating the bizarre case of a woman they say sat on her boyfriend’s toilet for two years.
Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said the boyfriend called his office late last month to report that something was wrong with his girlfriend.
The sheriff said the woman’s muscles had atrophied and that medical personnel had to remove her from the toilet because she was bound to it by “natural means.”
Whipple said the woman at first refused ambulance service and “didn’t want to leave.” She’s hospitalized in Wichita, but is refusing to talk with authorities. The boyfriend claims she stayed in the bathroom of her own free will.
Whipple said his office may charge the boyfriend with mistreatment of a dependent adult.
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Just dropped in to see that roissy is still committed to the same old negative, destructive, cynical, boring world view. Nothing new here. Byeeeeee.
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I’m Spiritual
Yeah, Roissy I guess the majority of hippie chicks who say that are just following the crowd.
But really, what else would you call someone who believes that all the organized religions out there are crap.
But at the same time, thinks that there is some oneness of all living creatures and is part of a unified consciousness.
I guess I’m spiritual, but in the tradition of Dawkins or Harris. I think that science/metaphysics/quantum mechanics can help us understand the non-material aspects of the universe.
Spot on with everything else.
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Funny posting. Plus a nice and apt use of the word “assuage.” “Assuage” doesn’t get used often enough by bloggers, IMHO.
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But really, what else would you call someone who believes that all the organized religions out there are crap.
But at the same time, thinks that there is some oneness of all living creatures and is part of a unified consciousness.
A Jungian.
The problem with that word “spiritual” is that if you have specific beliefs then that word does not address them. It doesn’t really address anything, which is why so many (idiots who don’t really have any specific beliefs) can use it.
Actually, Dawkins is a good example. He specifically says that he believes in (Einstein’s words) Spinoza’s God. This statement has some meaning. It can be debated, argued, understood, dissected, pursued and improved. It actually adds something.
Saying “I’m spiritual” says (almost) nothing.
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“I will never cheat on someone I love.”
I have never heard someone use that specific statement: I will never cheat on someone I love.
It actually implies that you will/might cheat on someone. That, you will promise loyalty or monogamy, and then break that promise. It is pretty fucked up.
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I told him I loved him and I meant it. I love all my friends, especially the ones I’m fucking. He thought it meant we were going to be together. I really hurt him went I went off with the other guy. I guess no one had told him I love you before. And I still do love him. Maybe even in the way he wanted me to.
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Try and say it like Scooby: “I ruv you!”
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i think it’s very easy to say i love you given certain circumstances…actions speak louder than words.
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For someone who has difficulty lying, would saying ‘I love you’ to random women one does not love be good practice? I’m thinking of seeing if this is true…doing it enough would probably undo the ‘truth serum’ effect…
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i consider myself an expert level liar, so if i have trouble saying “i love you” convincingly when i don’t mean it, then it must be hard for the averagely ethical guy.
or maybe i’m a love idealist.
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or maybe i’m a love idealist.
I think you’ve been in love with a girl who didn’t love you back. She merely experienced attraction, not the soul-crushing, heart-rending kind of in love experience that exemplifies romantic love. She was your first love… wasn’t she?
Hey, was she a lawyer?
(I kid, I kid.)
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i say ‘i hate you’ when i really mean ‘i love you.’ and when i really care, i say i don’t.
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There are a few others;
“You have such a big cock”
Translation: I know you have a fragile ego and will believe anything I say.
“I’ll split the bill with you”
Translation: You will never see me again if you agree to this.
“I wouldn’t change anything about you”
Translation: Just wait until we are living together.
😉
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Morgan that’s funny and true.
i second Hope’s theory. You sort of wrote about it in a post, and it touched my heart for 2 reasons:
1) men discussing passionate love is very sexy (and french) to me.
2) it reminded me very much of the guy I dated this summer who 50% of my posts are devoted to. I have no idea how he felt about me, but he is the closest I’ve ever come to what people describe as love at first sight or a soul-mate. He shattered what I had believed was ideal in a man and he eliminated any and all bullshit I had stored in my brain. It was like he had x-ray vision and saw through me, good and bad, but made me want to be a better person. All the trite sappy movie stuff was there. And he was not mine. And I will never forget him. 😦
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“or maybe i’m a love idealist.”
Espousing such a statement on a blog written almost entirely about gaming, dating, and getting laid is hysterically ironic. And a little intriguing.
Or maybe you were completely kidding, in which case, nevermind. Carry on, carry on.
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[…] looks or income-boosting and social adaptability-enhancing high intelligence. Now I am not one to shy away from the ugly truths, so there is merit in what he says; given equal facility with game, a good-looking man will do […]
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“I want to be romanced”
Translation: “I want to be comfortable enough around someone and attracted enough to them to want their sex……and when that happens, I will forego all foreplay as I ask them to fuck me NOW and to pull my hair or bite me while doing it”
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[…] to avoid saying “I love you, too” if the feeling isn’t mutual. One, it’s hard to say with a straight face if it isn’t sincerely felt. Two, saying “I love you” to a girl you don’t […]
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