A Catholic bishop, in an interview published in a Vatican newspaper, described seven new deadly sins for the modern age. The previous deadly sins — to which these new ones will be added (giving me double the opportunity to have fun) — are lust, gluttony, avarice, sloth, anger, envy and pride. I do all right on the old school seven, slipping up a little with sloth and avarice, though clearly I’d need to spend a year in the confessional and 10,000 Hail Marys absolving myself for my lust and pride sins. That is what happens when you sell your soul to the devil for a fourteen inch tool.
I’m curious how I’d fare with the new sins.
Polluting
If this is considered a deadly sin then murder 1 just suffered a major depreciation. I’m not an active industrial polluter, but I do sometimes toss empty beer bottles into the regular trash, and I don’t give a penny to environmental groups so I’m probably sinning a little in this category. I like green grass and blue skies as much as any treehugger but let’s face it, once you’re dead it doesn’t matter what condition you left the world in, so my working philosophy is to live it up and pass the bill to the next generation.
Verdict: Scofflaw
Genetic Engineering
I love the promise of genetic engineering. In my view, it’s a virtue, not a sin. Once the applied science is up to speed, I’d be all for designing babies to play Mozart after one listening and making them so smart Harvard goes bankrupt from all the kids teaching themselves. If a doctor told me with a minor gene tweak he could guarantee my unborn son the gift of a prehensile penis, I would agree to it. I fully support selectively aborting deformed or Downs Syndrome fetuses. In fact, I support exposing them at birth. It’s cruel to knowingly bring a retarded or crippled child into the world and doom him or her to a lifetime of misery.
Verdict: Evildoer
Being Obscenely Rich
Define obscene. I’d be obscenely rich if I were living in Bolivia. What if I lust for obscene wealth in my heart but live like a group house squatter? Anyhow, it’s mental masturbation. In a few weeks I have my IPO, then I will be sinning badly in this category.
Verdict: Angel
Drug Dealer
I once passed the dutchie on the left hand side.
Verdict: Transgressor
Abortion
Big fan. Gives men an escape hatch in case of emergency. I’m so pro-choice I feel like I should have the choice to abort my girlfriend’s accidental pregnancy for her.
Verdict: Satan’s Little Helper
Pedophilia
Gee, I wonder why this made the list. *rolls eyes* So let’s see… No crotch movement when I’m near prepubescent boys? Check. Not a gay priest? Check. Prefer boobs and hips on girls I want to screw? Check. Once said out loud while watching The Professional “Oh YEAH, Natalie Portman is gonna be HOT in a couple of years!”? Check… uh oh.
Verdict: Fallen Angel
Causing Social Injustice
Way too vague. I cause a social injustice every time I skip out of jury duty by pretending to have Tourette’s Syndrome (guilty motherfucker! fuck guilty fuck!). So I’m supposed to be lumped in with Stalin’s Ukrainian genocide? The Catholic Church needs to narrow its scope on this one.
Verdict: Miscreant
Total Sinner Score: Lesser Baddie. I need to work on polluting more.
First!
Bunny and I got stoned so I’m up super late.
I just wanted to tell you that you’re bad ass.
Also, self-guilt and consciousness of our actions is just as innate as wanting to fuck 22-year-old prostitute. Or telling myself that there’s something wrong with every man in the world.
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Isn’t the Vatican obscenely rich?
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Clio is a fellow Catholic, though more knowledgeable than I am on Church doctrine. Are these new sins added to the original seven? If so, this is retarded. This is Idiocracy-level stuff.
– Paedophilia? It’s already covered by Lust.
– Being Obscenely Rich? already covered by Avarice.
– Drug-dealing? covered by Avarice and “Causing Sopcial Injustice”
– Abortion? Sloth
– Genetic Engineering? Pride.
– Causing Social Injustice? Brawndo has electrolytes.
Something unknown and very bad must have happened to the Vatican, once a stallwart Defender of the Faith. Something really, really bad.
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Overlooked “Polluting.” Also covered by Sloth.
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No, no, no, PA. The whole business of the “new” seven deadly sins has been much misinterpreted. First, it came as a comment from an archbishop in an interview, not from the Magisterium. Second, these are not “new” sins, but in fact are simply interpretations of the old ones in a modern context. If you look at the old list, you’ll see that it isn’t so much a recital of specific sins, as of the states of mind and soul that lead people to sin. Wastefulness, cruelty to animals in factory farms, and over-eating are covered by Gluttony; driving an SUV or other expensive gas-guzzler is contained in Pride, and so forth.
Roissy, re abortion: shame on you for being such a feminist. If nothing else. But I always said (to feminist friends) that abortion is a man’s convenience, as much as a woman’s escape hatch. Doesn’t make me think much of either sex, frankly.
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Except the Vatican DIDN’T update the 7 sins. A regent, Monsignor Girotti, was questioned about new ‘social sins’ (from what I gather the interviewer framed it this way), and gave his own OPINION. He isn’t even the head of the Apostolic Penitentiary, whose views might be of relevance.
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Thanks for clarifying this, Clio. Still, there is a whiff of Idiocracy about the whole thing.
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Pedophilia
Calling Gannon …
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@Peter:
Paedophilia????
Not at all, my interest in prepubescent girls (and boys) is zero. Just like Roissy, I prefer them with apple sized breasts, round asses, a nice bush of pubic hair and bleeding. Problem for you my friend is that girls 14 and above all have these features. That’s the hypocresy I want to point out: The posistion of treating young nubile women as children by feminists and fundamental christians, and trying to criminalize young men for normal sexual behaviour.
Most true pedophiles are homosexuals by the way, and a lot of them are priests in the catholic church. There are very few heterosexual men who are true pedophiles. If I were a father, I would be more worried about my prepubesecent son than of my prepubescent daughter.
Pedophilia is in fact very related to homosexuality
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Man, you’re doing an IPO in this market? The market isn’t cold but the pipeline is filled with strong companies and deal sizes have been good. What industry if I may ask?
—–
First time I saw Nat in the Professional/Leon way back in the day I wanted to take that girl out for ice-cream and play doctor. hmmmm. I’m a sinner.
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The Catholics are obscenely idiotic. Everyone knows a “deadly sin” can only be one word.
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The Catholics are obscenely idiotic.
Let the religious wars begin. Candy’s religion (Osho, Alison Armstrong, etc.) versus the Catholics.
FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
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Hmm. I think I’ll take my obscene idiocy elsewhere for the rest of the day.
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The Catholics are obscenely idiotic.
if you’re gonna go down that road you’ll have to widen your target designation list. every religion is obscenely idiotic in its beliefs. buddhism, christianity, judaism, confucianism, islam, wiccan, astrology, “spirituality”, etc etc etc ad infinitum.
so you may as well not go down that road if you yourself believe in anything crackpot, which judging by the quality of your shitstream of posts, you probably do.
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Candy Cane,
“The Catholics are obscenely idiotic”
Wow THAT was a smooth move…. NOT!
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the vow of celibacy in the roman catholic church was instituted to prevent the “bleeding” of property to the family’s of priests. and the roman catholic church surpasses any corporate entity in valuation…minor upside to not paying taxes.
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every religion is obscenely idiotic in its beliefs. buddhism, christianity, judaism, confucianism, islam, wiccan, astrology, “spirituality”, etc etc etc ad infinitum.
Here’s what’s funny? You think you’re smarter than most. That you see people who follow a doctrine or try to be ‘holier’ as hypocritical and deluded. We’re all id-guided animals, you say. And you want to expose the big lie.
So you, the animal, just feed the beast within? It doesn’t seem that way. When a moment comes for you to make a decision, do you let your impulses guide you or do you think about the costs of your actions first? You’re a grown man, and you write eloquently and have strict control over your behavior. It must be, then, that you are following a strict code of morality, just your OWN morality. (Which seems to just be a rebellion against the morals you were taught as a child?)
(Pretend that this story happened.) Do you know why the 10 commandments were written? Not because Moses was like, ‘this is the true state of humanity’, but rather because he saw the true state of humanity and decided that those 10 laws would make a more cohesive, peaceful society. It says thou shalt not murder because people were doing precisely that!
Most believers aren’t deluded like you think they are. They want to eschew some of their socially-harmful tendencies with a positive outlook. ‘I’m gonna not do this.’ Sometimes they mess up, and sometimes they succeed. That’s why there’s a concept of forgiveness.
If you ask me, from your writing, it seems like you operate out of fear, rather than your inner gorilla.
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Gannon – once again the people who have kids -and everyone else- find your nazi-like disection of the traits of young girls to be “not even as bad as we thought – but far worse”
You must be the Gannon who is the homosexual prostitute that was logged into the Whitehouse (post 9/11 security I might add) a hundred times more than you were ever logged out. More missing records – how much did you score for your prostitution at 1600 Pennsylvania?
If there is anything they love at the White House – it’s homosexual prostitutes, nazis, pedophiles, missing records, social pschopaths, former drunks, liars, and misinformaniacs like you.
Back to the original point though – people with kids find your comments creepy.
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Rina, you say: Most believers aren’t deluded like you think they are. They want to eschew some of their socially-harmful tendencies with a positive outlook. ‘I’m gonna not do this.’ Sometimes they mess up, and sometimes they succeed. That’s why there’s a concept of forgiveness.
Why does one need religion to do this? As I stated the other day, I am an atheist, but still feel like I live by my own moral code–and manage to do ok, with fuck ups now and then.
I ask not to pick a fight, but merely as an attempt to understand…you seem thoughtful and smart and I am interested in what you have to say on this.
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Lemmonex,
You don’t need religion to do this at all.
Two things, though.
First, a lot of your innate morals have been in part molded by the environment in which you live. Whatever your parents showed you as a child, and whatever the Judeo-Christian morality believes has had some effect.
Second, Roissy implies religion as a crock. That’s really what I find close-minded. Religion and belief itself, is innate, it’s not just forced upon us. We’re not just machines, we make decisions. So religion is just as natural and important as our biological drives to pee and procreate. Yes, a lot of it does take normal things that an atheist can believe and subscribe to and transform it into something ‘mystical and supernatural’. Or as my friend says, “slap a ‘Jesus’ on it.” That still doesn’t make religion ‘obscenely idiotic’, though.
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I predicted the same thing about Natalie.
Also, Hayden Panetiewhatever from Heroes. Yup, I alone predicted that one.
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Roissy:
“I love the promise of genetic engineering. In my view, it’s a virtue, not a sin. Once the applied science is up to speed, I’d be all for designing babies to play Mozart after one listening and making them so smart Harvard goes bankrupt from all the kids teaching themselves. If a doctor told me with a minor gene tweak he could guarantee my unborn son the gift of a prehensile penis, I would agree to it.”
Outstanding analysis, btw. The only people who could not support this are those that can exclusively think emotively about this issue and refuse to distinguish involuntary policies from voluntary ones.
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14 roissy,
Jesus H., you guys take me way too seriously. Lighten up. Didn’t I say a deadly sin has to be ONE word. Guess you didn’t think that was very funny, huh? Your loss…..which means my loss I guess. 🙂
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Look you guys, I really do have not one, but two businesses. Yes, I know that makes me look like a huge big shot. I also know that 99% of people here don’t get me because I am just so weird. Well, I am as weird as I am and make no apologies. Neither do I have the time or desire to debate issues. I throw out my sources sometimes, but few follow up on them. Do I care? No. I don’t expect people to. If one person does and finds it useful, GREAT. You guys just go ahead and argue amongst yourselves.
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Admittedly my statement that “Catholics are obscenely idiotic.” was inflammatory. Sometimes I think all organized religions are idiotic in the ultimate sense. Example: Buddha was great, but Buddhists suck. Jesus was divine, Christians suck. Etc. In my opinion limiting oneself to a particular belief system is unnecessary and dumb. Why limit yourself. But on the other hand I truly believe that all religions can serve a useful purpose to people at different times in their life. It may be “just what they needed” to feel better or cope with a bad situation. In that way it should not be condemned. Did I make sense? No, not really, but let’s face it, shall we? Who is consistent all of the fucking time? A computer!!! I mean give me a break. Have you never held two seemingly opposing beliefs. If anyone tells me they have not, well I don’t believe it.
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Shiloh Pitt will be a bombshell!
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atheism is pretty fucking boring. i believe whatever i want, mostly on the basis of what sounds nice. that is the way my brain works. it has an infinite capacity for contradiction.
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27 I love you cuchulainn!
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Roissy, you’ve been on a roll with the last set of posts.
Anyway, I predict that future Mothers and Fathers will use voluntary eugenics to produce more children that look like models.
For example, future black Moms and Dads will have more kids that look like:
Blair Underwood:
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005516/
Tyra banks:
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004723/
or Iman:
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0408081/
I could have made up a list of future white, latino, chinese etc.. Moms and Dads, too. Who on Earth would possibly have a problem with people deciding to do this to give their kids a leg up!?
And, even if one refuses to do it for their future kids, why stop others from doing it for theirs? And, my guess is that those same persons who would stupidly stop other people from doing it for their kids would have no problem being turned on by and wanting to have sex with the good looking progeny resulting from genetic engineering. How hypocritical!
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Natalie Portman? I had the hots for Jessica Alba when she was on Flipper. Does that count?
I think in this list, Genetic Engineering is the easy winner for most absurd. Because, you know, the Church has never supported killing off all the brown babies, or the ones with curly hair and big noses.
My favorite sin has always been hubris. Thank God I’m not Catholic. I get enough wine and crackers at home, thanks.
You all worship false idols. At this rate the next HH is going to be mighty rowdy.
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No, Jewcano, the Church never did support killing off all the brown babies. As for the curly-haired ones with big noses – by whom I assume you mean Jews – the Church was, tragically, often vicious to Jews in its history – but the viciousness was religious rather than racial, for the most part. In other words, if Jews were willing to convert, they were not subject to “racial” penalties. And, as in Moorish society, there were regions in Christian Europe in which Jews were able to flourish (with penalties) for long periods of time.
I am not saying that this was a good thing – but it’s rather different from Hitler’s racism, which insisted that a Jew was a Jew, no matter whether he had converted or not.
I think Spanish Jews were the only exception to this, mostly because converso Spanish Jews were so successfully assimilated into the Church. Many Spanish priests and nuns in the 16th C. were of Jewish origin (including St Teresa of Avila, it is thought by some historians), and this alarmed the powers-that-be – non-Jewish Church officials and the Spanish state.
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Jews watch porno backwards so they can see the hooker giving the money back.
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Phillip – Only if they can get a refund for the rental by saying the disc was scratched.
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12 U.L.
“FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!”
You’re funny U.L. BTW I have zero interest in fighting the Catholics. I can state my opinion. If that is fighting I am indeed a fighter then.
Thought you might be interested in the definition of “lurk”.
LURK:
of a person or animal) be or remain hidden so as to wait in ambush for someone or something : a ruthless killer still lurked in the darkness.
• (of an unpleasant quality) be present in a latent or barely discernible state, although still presenting a threat : fear lurks beneath the surface | [as adj. ] ( lurking) he lives with a lurking fear of exposure as a fraud.
• [ intrans. ] read communications on an electronic network without making one’s presence known.
14 roissy
“so you may as well not go down that road if you yourself believe in anything crackpot, which judging by the quality of your shitstream of posts, you probably do.”
Such fighting words, roissy. God, you hurt my feelings!!! “crackpot”, “shitstream”? 😀 😀 😀
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Dear roissy,
Naturally you would find any efforts at self discovery or self examination “crack pot”. Discovering your dick doesn’t simply doesn’t count. For your information Mr. Know it Less, Osho is on a par with Jesus and Buddha. And Abraham-Hicks is so far beyond your inferior intelligence at this point in your life, it’s hardly worth mentioning. All I can is, don’t kill the messenger just because you don’t like the message. Hope you had some T.P. ready for this one.
C.C.
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I just noticed the comment about deformed and Down’s Syndrome babies. Conscience compels me to point out that such children are not usually unhappy unless their parents mistreat them. There are exceptions, of course, but the majority of people born with a handicap learn to adjust to it, if they are loved. (Even people who become paraplegic as the result of an accident usually adjust after a year , according to a recent article linked by Arts and Letters Daily.) Down’s Syndrome children in particular tend to have happy, affectionate natures when well-treated.
Sorry to interrupt the relentless frivolity. You can go back to skirt-chasing now.
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[…] 30, 2008 by roissy From famed commenter Gannon, on my post Seven New Deadly Sins Quiz: …my interest in prepubescent girls (and boys) is zero. Just like Roissy, I prefer them with […]
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Natalie Portman was hot in The Professional. 😉
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