I met a pretty blonde girl for a first date at one of my favorite lounges (that is to say, the lounge met the requirement of being conveniently located within walking distance of my place). Halfway through the marry, boff, kill game we had the following conversation.
Her: Have you seen that VH1 show The Pickup Artist?
Me: Yeah, why?
Her: The main guy from the show, Mystery, hit on me at St Louis Bar a few weeks ago.
Me: Was he wearing a fuzzy hat with aviator goggles and a Victorian jacket over a t-shirt that said “Mystery”?
Her: Yes! Just like in the show.
Me: [thinking to myself a trip to Poland sounds good right about now] How did he do?
Her: He asked me for my opinion about something, and then made fun of me. I called him an asshole and told him to fuck off.
Me: Lemme guess… you were kind of attracted to him, right?
Her: No! He’s an asshole.
Me: Wow, you’re one of those! I thought you guys were a dying breed.
Her: One of what?!
Me: You’re drawn to assholes. It’s OK, you can be honest. I won’t judge.
Her: [stares at me for a few seconds] I’ll admit that in the past I was drawn to assholes. But there was no way he was getting a chance with me. The guy is a D-list celebrity. Not even! He’s a total douche.
Me: And yet a month later you’re still thinking about that moment.
Maxim #3: Whenever an attractive girl tells you she hates assholes, or describes her experience in the past dating assholes and claims to avoid them now, or recites a laundry list of asshole-y things guys do that she disapproves of, you can bet your weight in gold bricks that she needs you to be an asshole to her.
After this illuminating conversation I knew that I had miscalibrated her and realized I should have played up my asshole side. Consequently, likelihood of a second date was low. When I go out with girls I have a system where I rank them according to how much asshole behavior they will need to open their legs heart for me. I’m usually pretty good at this and can switch on my asshole persona at will.
For instance, if she’s a 10 on the 1 to 10 asshole craving scale, I will occasionally tell her, with a flash of anger, to “shut the fuck up” when she tries to shit test me. If she’s a 1, I’ll be Mr. Nice Guy and compliment her on her choice of shoes. If she’s in the middle of the asshole craving scale (where most cute young girls are), I’ll get her to buy me an expensive drink. Normally, I can accurately assess whether a girl is an asshole craver early in the pickup, usually within the first minute, by how bright her eyes shine when I disrespect her. If she pushes me away in mock indignation, that tells me I’ve hit pay dirt. But this time my date’s calm, intelligent, giggle-free demeanor and conservative dress had me fooled into thinking she had a low asshole craving quotient. A rookie mistake.
A part of me was pleased that I was on a date trying to get into the panties of the same girl that the infamous Mystery tried and, presumably, failed to pick up a few weeks earlier. But a bigger part of me was grossed out by the nagging thought that every girl I’ve dated in the past three years has been hit on over and over by hundreds, maybe thousands, of acolytes of the game all running the same routines and wearing matching armbands and unusual pendants.
Later that night, after the date, I went to another bar and asked two girls how well they knew each other. They said the night before a guy had given them “the best friends test and asked us what shampoo we used.” I made a mental note to pirate the Pimsleur series on learning Polish.
It’s always the same answer; if your current bullshit isn’t working, create more bullshit. Bullshit begets more bullshit, but if that’s what you’re into…. Bottom line, women are not as stupid as you’d hoped.
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not related to the post, but thought you might like this anyway: http://www.fliggo.com/video/NTtenBNg
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Y’know, it might be premature to assume she was craving a jerk.
Many people love to tell their celebrity encounter stories. Even when it’s not that big a celebrity or it happened a while ago – I still tell the story of the time I told Keri Russell she had pretty hair.
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It’s true what you say about women being attracted to assholes–very, very true. They know how to tap into our fears, insecurities and survival instincts and who doesn’t have them??? If a woman keeps attracting assholes, (and men who ACT like assholes ARE assholes) she has some big, big issues. There’s no shortage of issues, so you’ll have no shortage of pussy being an asshole, roissy, but the quality of women will be quite average at best. If your only measure of success is quantity, quality, and variety of pussy then you’ll be the American Idol of male success.
So, your being an asshole and cultivating your assholeness in oder to get laid is no big deal. I don’t know that the “asshole of my life” is doing so well these days. He’s in that horrible “settling” mode with his latest and it’s really sad!! LOL
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Most women like assholes, we just do not admit it. It is all a give and take, though. I have a tendency to feel out how much I can boss people around in the beginning. The weak ones get weeded out.
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i agree with lemmonex, as women we test our own borders. i have to know where my limits are, to know what i can do and have him at the same time. i think we all like to know where we stand with each other.
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What makes a girl more prone to wanting an asshole?
I have a hunch that it’s a combination of:
having everyone else be nice and intimidated of her
getting whatever she wants most of the time
tendency to want to be a ‘slave’ (really likes being choked, too)
really wants sex
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It’s true what you say about women being attracted to assholes
Most women like assholes, we just do not admit it.
i agree with lemmonex, as women we test our own borders. i have to know where my limits are, to know what i can do and have him at the same time. i think we all like to know where we stand with each other.
Why didn’t they teach us this in school? Why did they tell us the exact opposite? Life would have been so much easier.
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Is there a sweet spot between being an asshole and being a pushover?
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Good points Rina.
What about “daddy issues” such as a father who was abusive to his wife, or on the other extreme, a henpecked dad?
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Is there a sweet spot between being an asshole and being a pushover?
when there’s doubt, always err on the side of too much asshole rather than too little.
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UL – amen, bro!
Of all my teenage “girls want to be respected and not seen as sex objects” missed opportunities…
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Men, cultivate and channel your inner asshole. Not only is it a fun and liberating experience, but it will get you laid.
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daddy issues is a good one.
just in general, selfishness is it.
i met the obama girl once and she is super hot. but she’s not the kind of girl who likes assholes (her bf was there). something about her dad being in the military…
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What about “daddy issues” such as a father who was abusive to his wife
Assholery can backfire in such instances, mainly because it triggers unpleasant feelings. Also doesn’t work on nerdy girls who are too intimidated by everyone. I’m a nuclear dose of both.
Possibly because of this, I can’t relate to a large portion of women out there. I don’t form good friendships with women in general except the bi and lesbian ones.
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Man, are you EVER just yourself on a date???? I’m amazed at how adept you are at changing your personality based on your analysis of whatever girl you are trying to bang at the moment. Being yourself probably scares the shit out of you, not that you would ever admit that to anyone, let alone yourself.
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“acolytes of the game”, that’s gold
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A higher truth is that women want someone who’s memorable.
Assholes are more memorable than typical “nice guys”. Thus, assholes get more play than nice guys. If you’re a nice guy who can create an impression, then you don’t have to be an “asshole”.
I looked up Mystery on Youtube…and my verdict is the guy is NOT an asshole. He jokes around with women, but ultimately he’s a respectful person.
I’ve known true assholes who are in their hearts deeply disrespectful of women, but these guys (the ones who aren’t *complete* social miscreants) get more play than “nice guys”.
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Man, are you EVER just yourself on a date???? I’m amazed at how adept you are at changing your personality based on your analysis of whatever girl you are trying to bang at the moment. Being yourself probably scares the shit out of you, not that you would ever admit that to anyone, let alone yourself.
i took a bunch of classes in college in psychology and human development, mainly because there were hot girls there. anyway, the professors in those classes harped on the fact that there is no “true self”. and i wasn’t even really paying attention. what the hell does “being yourself” even mean anyway?
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I think females being attracted to assholes who beat them rather than nerds who worship them is some of the best proof out there against intelligent design.
Thanks for the heads up. I guess when I move to DC I won’t bother with pickup lines from the game and instead rely on alcohol generated randomness.
Being yourself probably scares the shit out of you, not that you would ever admit that to anyone, let alone yourself.
What the hell does this mean? Don’t tell me you don’t act differently around your boss vs. family vs. best friends. We all have different aspects to our personalities. Roissy is simply able to fine tune his personality to the girl he’s with. Big deal. It’s not like I’d talk to a bimbo and a nerdy girl the same way.
Why was she asking you about Mystery in the first place? She randomly brought it up? I suppose being hit on by Mystery is something she likes to brag about to her friends.
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“what the hell does “being yourself” even mean anyway?”
It means relaxing, letting stuff happen. Keeping an open mind, listening, not strategizing every single interaction of every single day.
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Does not bothering to bathe, shave, and chew food with your mouth closed count as “being oneself,” since shaving, bathing, and using table manners is an affectation of one’s “true self”?
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there is no “true self”. and i wasn’t even really paying attention. what the hell does “being yourself” even mean anyway?
You’re different with different people, subconsciouly or consciously. But there is a standard ‘you’ that exists when you’re totally comfortable, like when you’re around a sibling or a parent or a best friend.
At first, none of us are that person until we feel like we can fully trust the person we’re dating. It takes a long time, depending on your level of baggage.
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I’m amazed at how adept you are at changing your personality
Even though I think Roissy does have some sociopathic tendencies, in his defense, most people change their personalities based on the context, environment and person(s) that they are interacting with. I act completely differently with people I’m comfortable around vs. around coworkers or strangers.
To clarify, he is not a sociopath since he has experienced love, which true sociopaths are incapable of feeling.
A higher truth is that women want someone who’s memorable.
Eloquently stated truth. However, most people have nothing really memorable or interesting about them, so they have to create falsities and project an asshole aura in order to stand out from the crowd. When someone says that another person has made an “impression” it includes those who made both positive and negative impressions.
I agree with you that the positive impression is preferable. When people are falling in love they will smile a lot, almost uncontrollably, due to all the endorphins flowing about their neurons. This is why women will often say they like guys who can make them laugh, because that momentary state of happiness when laughing is similar to the state of being in love.
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16 jg
“Being yourself probably scares the shit out of you”
It takes unusual courage to be oneself, and therein lies the rub for most of us; men and women. People are basically cowards, quivering at the thought of what everyone else is thinking of them. Most think us fools in one way or another no matter what we do. so why not be yourself and enjoy yourself?
The flip side of course is why “men love bitches.” Same reason, as what Lemmonex asserts; you know where the boundaries are and no one really wants a doormat. It’s a turn on to have someone stand up to you..IN THE RIGHT WAY. The right way is if they are clearly standing up for themselves, not trying to feel saintly or superior by putting you down. Hey, we all fuck up and need/want to be put in our places occasionally, but no one needs to be condemned for that. It’s just part and parcel of human existence.
Supposedly there is some show on TV (I must look this up) where this Dr. is so healthily direct and assertive about “putting women in their place” that women cream all over themselves to get at this man. But he is decidedly NOT an asshole, but instead truly confident. He realizes that women don’t WANT to be bitches, but we just get away with it, same as the assholes. A man who does not allow that in the right way, earns our love, respect and appreciation. Am looking for that! It takes courage.
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I love when women berate men for being fake or not “being themselves.” Give me a break. What that really means is that women don’t want men to level the playing field by doing the same things they’ve always done. Women put on personalites based on the situation, overanalyze every social interaction and dissect everything to death, so they aren’t really against those things in principle. They just don’t want guys to do the same.
Even on a basic appearance level: that’s not your hair color. Your lips and cheeks aren’t naturally that red. Are those your eyelashes? Is that bra pushing up your cleavage to make your boobs look bigger? Or is that one of those water bras? Slimming underwear? Is that your real height or heels? Yet you’re gonna tell guys to be themselves? Do you or do you not dissect and overdiscuss every last aspect about a date or a relationship with your girlfriends at every step? And you’re going to criticize Roissy for analyzing his dates?
Please.
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Also doesn’t work on nerdy girls who are too intimidated by everyone.
my date was a self-professed “analytical nerd who loves math”.
just letting the guys know that it is a myth that nerdy girls aren’t drawn to the same asshole qualities in men as club sluts.
Why was she asking you about Mystery in the first place? She randomly brought it up?
it wasn’t random. we were talking about how people date a certain type and a discussion of assholes came up.
The flip side of course is why “men love bitches.”
you misspelled “hot chicks”.
hth.
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26 T
The thing that’s weird is roissy trying to decide whether to ACT like an asshole or not in oder to get pussy. Even going so far as to decide how MUCH of an asshole he should act like. Women put on all kinds of ACTS too. No one says they don’t. They’re better actors than men!! It’s just creating a lot of frustration and unnecessary drama as far as I can see.
Personally, I want the real thing, but am smart enough to realize that there is no way in hell I’m not going to get it by acting as other than what I am–or pretending to have other intentions than what I do in order to elicit some particular response. Ugh! Too, too much analysis and not enough happiness. I’d rather be alone with my good friends, daughter and cat! Thankfully, men are interested in me. They find my authenticity mysterious….and certainly different.
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just letting the guys know that it is a myth that nerdy girls aren’t drawn to the same asshole qualities in men as club sluts.
She doesn’t sound like the kind of nerdy girls I’m talking about, if she’s going to clubs with enough frequency to get hit on by Mystery. I’m talking about a subset of nerdy girls who are “intimidated by everyone” — notice the qualifier.
females being attracted to assholes who beat them rather than nerds who worship them
I don’t know what makes other women tick, but ever since I could remember having real crushes on guys (13ish), I’ve only liked guys that signaled they liked me. The more the guy liked me, the more I liked the guy back. If a guy disliked me, I’d feel that pretty keenly and not really like him either. It amazes me that some women’s mirror neurons are malfunctioning to a point that they prefer guys who beat them.
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“After this illuminating conversation I knew that I had miscalibrated her and realized I should have played up my asshole side. Consequently, likelihood of a second date was low.”
Did this date happen a long time ago?
If not, then HOW DO YOU KNOW you won’t be getting a second date? It’s still early in the game, bro…give us the followup details about what happened when you tried to get a second date, and THEN we can talk!!
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Regardless of nerdity level, all women are seeking (at some point for some, but at many points for many) a domineering partner –a.k.a. an asshole who doesn’t take your guff.
It’s not about like or dislike– it’s about not being given the ladylike/fragile dove treatment or in a weird way like “one of the guys”. We girls like to feel special– being manhandled, so to speak, makes us feel like we’re in the circle .
Having said that, if she’s truly a nerd’s nerd she should have probably been skipping the bar altogether.
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When people say that “girls like assholes,” I never thought that meant “slap her upside the head and cuss her out” or anything like that. I thought it just meant acting unfazed, like you were out with your buddies and didn’t feel the need to impress anybody.
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“When A Girl Needs An Asshole”
Roissy. Think about your headline here. Need and want are closely related but there is a huge difference. Need is negative/Want is positive and we are not talking about needing food, water, shelter, and air to breathe here. You can feel the difference just by saying the two words to yourself. One feels good, the other feels bad. So, you are apparently seeking to fill a need in order to get laid. If a woman needs an asshole in order to get turned on, she is in a decidedly negative state to begin with. What you are doing is just giving her what she is asking for but it ain’t pretty and just because pussy is the result does not mean it is good for you either. All I’m saying is raise your standard. Figure out what you want rather than need yourself and stop servicing needy women. Or carry on as usual…. I really don’t need you to take my advice either!
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…and another thing about the asshole factor:
i always figured the person who attracted the women was the one who stood their ground and said what they thought. the one who admitted up front that they intended to be a boyfriend or lay partner and nothing less. (works for me)
a nice guy who DOESN’T get laid is the type who will pretend to be a friend only to get overlooked when it comes time for her to fall in love.
i never interpreted “asshole” in the obnoxious way that term implies as far as getting girls. matter of fact, i dont even think “asshole” is the right word
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#21 Shannon
It means relaxing, letting stuff happen. Keeping an open mind, listening, not strategizing every single interaction of every single day.
That’s decent advice — though men can’t generally afford to be so passive, especially when it comes to women — but what if a guy is naturally anxious? Should he not try to overcome that anxiety, or should he embrace as it as his true self and forego the increased opportunities a more relaxed, confident attitude would have? The whole pickup industry has flowered precisely because men _are_ being themselves, have found it’s not getting them anywhere — romantically as well as sexually — and are seeking to modify their behavior to get better results.
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but what if a guy is naturally anxious? Should he not try to overcome that anxiety, or should he embrace as it as his true self and forego the increased opportunities a more relaxed, confident attitude would have? The whole pickup industry has flowered precisely because men _are_ being themselves, have found it’s not getting them anywhere — romantically as well as sexually — and are seeking to modify their behavior to get better results.
Right on!
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This is the exact advice women give that keeps men from getting laid. Because while they are just listening and being passive and not strategizing, you can bet that she’s strategizing up a storm with her girlfriends analyzing everything after each date and conversation, sizing you up for marriage potential and thinking up future shit tests.
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you can bet that she’s strategizing up a storm with her girlfriends analyzing everything after each date and conversation, sizing you up for marriage potential and thinking up future shit tests.
And talking on the phone with her mother for hours on end.
Neither of us is passive in this game.
I think that Rina had it right with comment 23.
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i dont even think “asshole” is the right word
Not the way you’re using it, no. That’s just a confident person who is forceful and honest. Nothing particularly asshole-ish there.
According to Wikipedia, the word is mainly used as a profanity towards someone the speaker does not like or whose behavior is hurtful, self-centered, or particularly abrasive. Merriam Webster defines asshole as a detestable person.
Here’s an asshole rating test that mainly applies to work situations, but some of which can likely be applied to relationships, too. I know of particularly assholeish manager who fits pretty much all of these criteria:
You secretly enjoy watching other people suffer and squirm.
You find it useful to glare at, insult, and even occasionally holler at some of the idiots – otherwise, they never seem to shape-up.
You enjoy lobbing “innocent” comments into meetings that serve no purpose other than to humiliate or cause discomfort to the person on the receiving end.
You don’t make mistakes. When something goes wrong, you always find some idiot to blame.
Your jokes and teasing can get a bit nasty at times, but you have to admit, they are pretty funny.
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35 Reggie
“but what if a guy is naturally anxious? Should he not try to overcome that anxiety, or should he embrace as it as his true self..”
Anxiety is not the “true” self, but an emotional state that can be very brief or can become chronic if a person does not DO something or consciously change some attitude or belief in order to rise above it. It’s a very rare person who never feels anxious. The women that men are so anxious about approaching deal with it too, naturally. It’s simply human, but if it’s crippling you or holding you back and you do nothing but indulge in it, it’s going to hold you back, no question. There is the aspect of “fake it till you make it”, but can a person really “make it” by faking it? Faking it seems more, not less difficult, to me anyway.
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“Should he not try to overcome that anxiety, or should he embrace as it as his true self and forego the increased opportunities a more relaxed, confident attitude would have?”
Good point, there. Let me try to clarify.
There’s evolving into a more confident person (a process I’m personally very familiar with), and then there’s outright pretending to be someone you’re not in order to get laid. It’s a fine line. One is part of a process, the other is deceptive act.
I can’t speak for all women. I don’t dig the forceful macho types. If a guy is kind of anxious and goofy in my presence, I consider it a compliment. I find it very charming and sweet.
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I don’t know much about Rina, but from what I’ve seen she’s too in touch with reality to be an American woman. She doesn’t seem to judge the truth of a statement by how it makes her feel or helps her ego.
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#40 candy cane
Anxiety is not the “true” self, but an emotional state that can be very brief or can become chronic if a person does not DO something or consciously change some attitude or belief in order to rise above it.
Fine, then in place of “anxious,” substitute in “shy” or any other personality characteristic that prevents a man from having much success with women. The debate isn’t about the definition of anxiety.
#41 Shannon
There’s evolving into a more confident person (a process I’m personally very familiar with), and then there’s outright pretending to be someone you’re not in order to get laid. It’s a fine line. One is part of a process, the other is deceptive act.
You have to fake it before you make it. You start off pretending, and you do it so well that you begin to believe it yourself. Belief follows action, not the other way around.
And the “fine line” you mention is too fine — it essentially means “right up to the arbitrary point at which a given individual begins to disapprove.”
I can’t speak for all women. I don’t dig the forceful macho types. If a guy is kind of anxious and goofy in my presence, I consider it a compliment. I find it very charming and sweet.
That’s lovely, but it puts you squarely in the minority. Very few women will actually say they want the forceful macho types, but that is in fact what they respond to. (Note that I’m not saying you’re one of these women.) And there’s actually nothing deceptive about it; most women genuinely believe in their minds that what they want a nice guy, but when it comes down to it, the heart — or actually, the loins — trump their rational analysis of what they think they find attractive.
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You have to fake it before you make it. You start off pretending, and you do it so well that you begin to believe it yourself. Belief follows action, not the other way around.
You know what’s interesting?
Everything you’re writing here, chicks describe as ‘energy’ or ‘aura’ or ‘spirituality’. Religious people describe it as the power of prayer and faith.
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Reggie, fair points, all. Morality is tricky, and has been giving migraines to the philosophers for centuries. It’s not a question that will be resolved here.
The “line” we speak of is going to be different for every individual – we’re all precious snowflakes, with different drummers, etc. What I suggest is listen to your own inner voice (aka, your conscience) and learn to recognize when you’re putting your best foot forward vs. being a fraud.
(Disclaimer: I know my moral standards are high, and I’m quite the idealist, but let me also point out that whatever standards I hold for the men I date, the ones I set for myself are even higher.)
“most women genuinely believe in their minds that what they want a nice guy, but when it comes down to it, the heart — or actually, the loins — trump their rational analysis of what they think they find attractive.”
And many, many men claim they want the sweet girl next door, then they run off with the bimbo. People are fallible, and they’re always off doing one dumb thing after another.
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#44 rina
Everything you’re writing here, chicks describe as ‘energy’ or ‘aura’ or ’spirituality’. Religious people describe it as the power of prayer and faith.
You’re reaching. I’m describing the process by which one effects a change in personality via a change in behavior (I somewhat erroneously labeled personality “belief” in my previous post). You’re describing faith in the supernatural absent any evidence, which helps some people feel good.
There’s nothing spiritual about realizing that changing one’s self does not involve modifying your attitude and letting your behavior follow, as you might expect, but the opposite: modifying your behavior and letting your attitude follow.
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You have to fake it before you make it. You start off pretending, and you do it so well that you begin to believe it yourself. Belief follows action, not the other way around.
There has actually been a major shift in the psychological world in the last 10 years.
One of the things that came from that shift is the advice to “fake it till you make it”.
You do not get it from all therapists, but it is so much more common now.
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It’s not nerdiness, but just shyness or self-consciousness, regardless of her interests.
On that note, if you really do go looking for an under-22 girl in Poland, if it’s like in the US, they don’t require as much asshole behavior, negging, etc. I’ve found that usually doesn’t go over well — it has to be very clearly playful teasing. Subtlety will only confuse them, and they’ll typically assume you’re trying to be insulting.
It’s because an 18 y.o. is too young to have been hit on (yet) by “hundreds, maybe thousands” of guys, so they don’t have overly inflated egos. The deluge of suitors usually happens during the college years.
Even the high school prom queen types need far less than their mid-20s counterparts. I’ve found that simply stating that you’re aware of how bossy they are, and that you’re not going to take shit from her (in a plain, non-aggressive tone of voice), does the job.
I don’t know about at older ages, but prom queen types aged 18 – 21 *love* to be called out for manipulating guys, turning every guy into a pushover, etc. The key is tone of voice — it’s the same respectful, non-aggressive, and “yeah dog!” tone you’d use if you ran into a guy at your own level. And behavior is just as key: not being a pushover when she tells you to do something.
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many, many men claim they want the sweet girl next door, then they run off with the bimbo.
There should be “game” for girls, even though some in the PUA community keeps claiming that no such thing exists and that 10’s are simply natural born. Sweet girls should most definitely learn tricks of the trade from bimbos while maintaining what sets them apart.
To start, I think that girls who keep getting their heart broken should learn how to get more confident (dressing up, exercise, etc.), use their sexiness to the fullest extent, learn to give mindblowing blowjobs, and exploit the weakest points in men — the id and ego.
Girl game would make guys, happy, too, since they want girls who look hot and good sex.
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T.
Clinton is a realist.
Roissy:
I don’t know how someone else has not brought it up already, but your post title brought back memories of raunchy puppet sex scenes.
I for one am not a asshole.
I’m a dick. A reckless, arrogant, intelligent dicks. Pussies don’t like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks also fuck assholes. Assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only think that can fuck an asshole is a dick with some balls. The problem with dicks is they fuck too much or fuck it isn’t appropriate – and it takes a pussy to show them that.
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Hope, you are absolutely right. Girls should learn to keep their Guy satisfied.
The “Misstery Method”.
Earth shattering blowjobs for everyone.
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#45:
And many, many men claim they want the sweet girl next door, then they run off with the bimbo.
this is a fallacious comparison. many many men are very clear in their words and actions that they want a hot babe for sex and love. the sweet girl next door is not a synonym for ugly chick, and the bimbo doesn’t preclude having a heart of gold, if by “bimbo” you mean what most women mean — “a girl who is better looking than me and is not afraid to show it”.
this is unlike women, who have a seemingly biological predisposition for severing the communication pathways between their actual sexual desire and their attempts to explain that desire.
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The “Misstery Method”
Haha that’s ingenious. If I keep being this bored at work I might start a blog with that name.
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W..wait? You mean Hillary? Hahahahahahahah!
I think GEORGE Clinton has a better grasp of reality even.
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“the sweet girl next door is not a synonym for ugly chick, and the bimbo doesn’t preclude having a heart of gold, if by “bimbo” you mean what most women mean — “a girl who is better looking than me and is not afraid to show it”.”
Not what I was saying, so let me clarify. Roissy, you are turning my point into a statement exclusively about looks. That’s expected, but not at all what I’m talking about. For the sake of discussion, let’s assume that both the GND and the Bimbo are equally attractive.
The girl next door is a nice, sweet, fairly intelligent woman. The bimbo is dumb as a rock, has no self-awareness, is kind of annoying, and bitchy to boot. Many, many guys claim they want the first woman, then get somehow intrigued and sucked into lousy relationships with the second.
It comes back to: people are dumb.
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<em.Many, many guys claim they want the first woman, then get somehow intrigued and sucked into lousy relationships with the second.
Shannon, if that’s the case, then the sweet, intelligent girl is lucky to not end up with the idiot that went for the bimbo.
Although I suspect in most cases, the sweet girl is simply too proud or prudish to become someone who gets and keeps men sexually interested. Pamela Anderson is how old now? And she still gets men running off to be with her bimbo self.
The bimbo might be dumb as a rock, but if she’s good in bed the man can always get his intellectual conversational needs fulfilled elsewhere. Men are so simple to figure out that it’s silly for us women to not understand what makes them tick.
In this day and age of constant stimulation of the senses, a man gets distracted easily. It takes a lot of actual effort on the part of a woman to ensure the man’s fidelity, and that includes sexual activity of any kind at least three times a week.
I often get accused here of not understanding the male sex drive, but I have a pretty good idea. There simply is no equivalent for the male sex drive in the female universe, but a woman who knows how to satisfy it will not go for long without a man.
The character Maureen Johnson in Robert Heinlein’s novels probably best exemplifies a woman that can keep a man’s interest intellectually, emotionally and sexually. She is, of course, created by a male author, but she represents what even an intelligent man wants (“a lady in public and a whore in the bedroom”).
First and foremost, sexual satisfaction wins out for any hot-blooded man. Privately I suspect this is partially why my parents divorced — my mom was totally frigid. It doesn’t excuse the abuse, but damned if I’m going to make that same mistake.
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54 T
I love George Clinton: All She Wanted Was A Quickie.
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#55:
Many, many guys claim they want the first woman, then get somehow intrigued and sucked into lousy relationships with the second
that has less to do with guys claiming one thing and doing another, than it does with one type of woman being harder to catch than another type. if a guy has a choice between quick sex with a hot slut and no sex until the fifth date with a hot girl next door, he will almost always choose the former. if he lacks confidence, he will sometimes get sucked into relationships with these easy women instead of putting in the hard work to win over the less slutty GNDs, but that is not for lack of desiring the GNDs. when a guy tells you he wants a GND, he really does. the disconnect happens when the GNDs prove themselves to be harder targets. there is also the factor of short vs long term mating strategy which is often contradictory in men and of greater biological importance to them than it is to women. a bimbo presents an excellent opportunity for a man to spread his seed shotgun style, while a GND offers him more in the way of a loyal partner whom he would be more willing to help in the raising of any children. But in either case, he is not deluding himself into believing he wants one type of woman when he really wants the other. he wants both and gets hard for both.
this is an utterly different phenomenon than the one where women actively profess to want one type of man, but only get wet when confronted with the polar opposite.
btw, in my experience, i’ve found that “bimbo” is the sort of word women use against other women who like to flaunt their good looks and sexuality. the complainers nourish a psychological need to establish voyeuristic beauty as being sufficient evidence for lack of smarts. the funny thing is, just the opposite is likely true.
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#52 roissy
this is a fallacious comparison. many many men are very clear in their words and actions that they want a hot babe for sex and love.
I remember once, years ago, I was asked in a mixed group of ten or eleven men and women what I wanted in a woman. My answer, in its entirety:
“Someone attractive and nice.”
The guys in the group were completely unresponsive to this statement, while the women fixed me with hilariously suspicious stares. What about compatibility? What about shared interests? Career? Future plans? Ambition? Attitude towards marriage and children? Height? Race? Religion?
None of that really matters to me. I want someone I’m turned on by who is kind, considerate, and keeps the games to a minimum. The only other factor is sexual enthusiasm, which I neglected to mention specifically because even at that tender age, I knew appending “and loves to fuck” would not go over well.
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“a bimbo presents an excellent opportunity for a man to spread his seed shotgun style, ”
I’m picturing more of a sperm sprinkler system. Ew.
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Men are so simple to figure out that it’s silly for us women to not understand what makes them tick.
Hey. HEY, I am offended!
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#61 Usually Lurking
Hey. HEY, I am offended!
Our romantic/sexual desires are simpler. As people, we’re at least as complex. Else we couldn’t have created most of the world’s great art and literature, to name just two examples.
The “men are simple/women are complex” declarations are simply things women tell themselves in order to feel like they have the upper hand. And some men agree with it because they think that by agreeing, they will be able to attract those women. It doesn’t work, but that’s their intent.
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Our romantic/sexual desires are simpler.
…
It doesn’t work, but that’s their intent.
I am just stoked that she is intent on turning all girls into Cock Sucking Man Pleasers.
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Our romantic/sexual desires are simpler. As people, we’re at least as complex.
I am simplifying things down to short sound bytes, since I tend to be long-winded. Anyway, without applying specific individual scenarios, the nuances and contingencies are simply too numerous to list.
For instance, woman X might not know how to really turn on man Y unless she finds out all of his kinks and fetishes, which the man may be reluctant to fully share. A lot of people play the “hard to get” and “hiding behind walls” game, in order to weed out the chaff and avoid getting hurt, and it seems like they do this more and more as they get older.
The “men are simple/women are complex” declarations are simply things women tell themselves in order to feel like they have the upper hand
You seem to have fallen into the old trap of the man vs. woman mindset. Therein lies more conflict, especially once egos get involved — nobody wants to be on the “bottom” in this culture. I don’t write statements like that to berate men, merely to say that women should attempt to give men what men want (sex) when they can. In the process, they can also get what they want.
Maybe this is why some women like “assholes” who unapologetically grab what they want. Without someone telling them what to do, some women simply won’t do it. They’re afraid of acting too sexually on their own for fear of being called a slut or “bad,” and need the asshole to get her into that frame of mind.
The ensuing feeling of guilt and naughtiness gives its own rush that she then gets addicted to, and the cycle continues because a man’s power is an aphrodisiac for a woman, and her sex drive compels her to want what turns her on. Breaking down inhibitions and taboos generally turns people on, both men and women.
This is where Roissy might interject and say, see, this is proof that behaving like assholes is a good thing, because it gets you laid more reliably. However, that does little to help the high divorce rates and plunging birth rates, since most assholes aren’t really spreading their genes — just their STDs.
I am just stoked that she is intent on turning all girls into Cock Sucking Man Pleasers.
Actually, not just cock pleasers, but pleasing in all aspects — and the man would please her reciprocally as well. Personally, I think both men and women would be happier if they did more to please the other gender. There is a large body of research indicating that altruism and charity contribute to personal happiness, but few people ever think of applying those concepts to relationships.
There is also a lot of sexual misunderstanding between men and women. The average guys out there wouldn’t mind having more women tuned into what they want, but progress in this area for women is a constant seesaw between the madonna/whore dilemma. The average girls wouldn’t mind having more guys turning them on, but as the situation currently stands very few know what makes women work sexually.
It’s like most of us (I do include myself in this, but I’m trying to understand more) are stumbling blindly without real sexual understanding. My working theory: A lot of the asshole guy/bad girl types are really just unknowingly tapping into the submissive streak many people (men and women) have.
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You were asking about picking up girls in Poland.
Stick with the larger cities. In rural areas and small towns girls aren’t going to risk their reputations and they are more likely to have genuine Catholic beliefs that preclude sex with a stranger. The guys aren’t likely to put up with you, especially if you are seen as behaving arrogantly. I wouldn’t mess around with them.
In the big cities things are more anonimous, like in every other country. Your best approach would be to make friends with a Polish guy and go in with him.
If you go to a professional, chances are that the younger and prettier ones are Russian and Ukrainian. You might still see swarthier women, usually by the roadsides. They’re Romanian (usually Gypsy) prostitutes. They’re known as “Tirowki”, or tractor-trailer whores. Stay away from them. They’re probably diseased, and they have serious-as-death mafia pimps.
All in all, Poland is not a poor country like it was during the ’90s and the appeal of a “rich foreigner” is long gone. The people who are really are working in the UK or Ireland or have relatives there, and everybody else either has a job or is a student. Being an American will be an asset for you with women, if for no other reason that you’ll be seen as exotic, unlike Brits or Swedes, who are a common sight in urban clubs. Americans are generally liked in Poland, but if you rub some guys the wrong way, especially if you are alone, you might get beat up right there or be followed later.
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“But a bigger part of me was grossed out by the nagging thought that every girl I’ve dated in the past three years has been hit on over and over by hundreds, maybe thousands, of acolytes of the game all running the same routines and wearing matching armbands and unusual pendants.”
-And also, how many of these girls have slept with these
acolytes.
….Like worms in the mud.
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“Poland is not a poor country like it was during the ’90s and the appeal of a “rich foreigner” is long gone.”
I’ve seen no evidence of this.
And interestingly in Russia girls from the countryside are seen as sluts.
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59 Reggie
“I want someone I’m turned on by who is kind, considerate, and keeps the games to a minimum. ”
Have you ever met such a woman?
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This is what usually happens when girl fucks asshole and later gets burned by asshole.
#1: She is attracted physically, he negs, assholes, plays on her insecurities, daddy issues, mother issues, or whatnot and tries to qualify. She grabs the bait (cock) and he is then in control due to the effects of chemicals produced by the female to keep her attached to any man that might have possibly impregnated her. Also, personally, she does not view herself as a whore and does not want to be seen as such so continues to fuck the asshole under the delusion that they now have a relationship.
#2: She focuses on the great chemistry and sex to the exclusion of every other red flag that’s flapping in her face. Her hormones don’t allow her to let go of a potential daddy that easily. Instinct/hormones that are produced (more for her than him OBVIOUSLY and anyone who doesn’t know this is a quarter wit) do not care that she is taking the pill or he used a condom.
#3: She continues to try to get a gourmet meal from White Castle, fails miserably and concludes that he is an asshole.
#4: Go back to step 1 with a new asshole OR
Learns that it’s much easier to go to a gourmet restaurant
for a gourmet meal than it is to train the White Castle crew
to cook one for her.
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I think what some of us wiser, more experienced women here are trying to say, is that being an asshole to women to get laid is only adding to the problem. Unless you want to spend your entire life being an asshole, you may want to explore some healthier alternatives. In doing so, you may find you attract and are attracted to healthier women.
Sometimes I think Gannon is the only one here who has a working plan; fall in love with a very young woman before she’s jaded by screwing assholes and having her heart, dreams, and expectations shattered beyond repair and love her for the rest of his life. Looking back, I wish I’d had my own Gannon, but was too busy dealing with neurotic daddy issues.
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Hope said: “I don’t write statements like that to berate men, merely to say that women should attempt to give men what men want (sex) when they can. In the process, they can also get what they want.”
Not to throw cold water on this nice concept, but this is what killed many relationship for me. For whatever reason, knowing a woman was a pushover and/or wanted sex anytime I did made me NOT want to have sex with her. In fact, I became Al Bundy (remember him?) trying to avoid sex.
Sorry to indulge in cliche, but guys — or at least me — need some sort of challenge or there is no spark. The problem, I think, that most guys here see is that women can take this too far and play impossible to get rather than hard to get. Good women are sorth some effort, maybe a lot of effort, but not insane, self-humiliating, 9-to-5 effort.
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Sometimes I would meet a girl, have sex incredibly fast, yet feel like continuing to date her and even making her a girlfriend. I’ve had girls make me wait and I’d still lose interest after sex. I think the key wasn’t whether they were simply challenging to me but rather how challenging they were to me versus other guys.
Like, if I can tell a girl is only making me wait because she used to get pumped and dumped a million times and has now started enforcing some new rigid 2 months before sex rule than it’s a challenge but I’m not going to stick around. If I suspect she goes around fucking bikers, bartenders, ex-cons and bad boys right away because she considers them exciting assholes with no future, yet she is a challenge with me as a “reward” for being nice, having a future and being “relationship potential,” screw that, I’m not putting up with it. In these cases, she’s a challenge, but only to me and not other guys.
On the other hand, if a girl gives me the impression somehow that she normally doesn’t go out fun fucking and giving it up easy , yet something about US in particular clicks so well that she makes an exception, I LOVE that. In that case, she’s not a challenge to me, yet she’s a challenge to just about everyone else, which just boosts my male ego beyond belief.
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#71 DOBA
word.
it’s so funny, i have noticed a SERIOUS correlation between me wanting to do it and him not wanting to do it.
in the beginning, it’s all fireworks and new, etc. but what turns a lot of guys on (certainly not all, and not even the majority) when you’re months to years deep into the relationship is a woman not wanting it. or at least not initiating or making it obvious.
i’ve talked about this to many of my girlfriends and even older women. the women who are always up for it and make it known are the ones who have the al bundys. in contrast, the girls who hardly ever want sex are the ones who have to always-horny bfs/husbands.
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72 T
“if a girl gives me the impression somehow that she normally doesn’t go out fun fucking and giving it up easy , yet something about US in particular clicks so well that she makes an exception, I LOVE that”
You mean as in “I don’t normally do this”? LOL You’re falling for the oldest line in the book.
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Rina, how hot are you? I saw your profile on your site, but you’ve obscured your pic enough so it’s hard to tell exactly what you look like. I’m convinced that the vast bulk of women out there who seem reasonable and level headed are sexually worthless (i.e. too old, too fat, born unattractive…). The other major group that finds themselves sexually worthless might be women with too much personal baggage (i.e. single mommies with kids). Some guys might want to use the single mommies for ‘fuck animal’ purposes but many sane guys would never stick around long enough to raise another man’s seed(s).
I want to make clear that you may be the exception to the rule. So, don’t take this post as an insult because I’m acknowledging that you might be the exception. I’m just saying that most sexually worthless women are probably more realistic than others because they know through habitualization from society that they simply aren’t going to be allowed to get away with as much stuff as a higher sexually ranked female.
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Oh yes Candy Cane, I judge people’s character strictly by what they tell me about themselves. Body language, reading between the lines, the friends she surrounds herself with, her background, her subcommunication, her congruence, my own instincts and experience, my own social intelligence and game…none of that comes into play at all. You’re so clever.
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76 T
Good to know how bright you are. Join the club. ;D
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75 Crackpot
Ooowheee baby, you got some issues with hostility. Perhaps you have excess mercury in your brain!
Listen to yourself:
“‘fuck animal’ purposes” (OUCHY BOO-BOO)
“sexually worthless” (Like you’re the one to determine that!) “raise another man’s seed(s)” (Humans are mere seeds now? LOL)
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^ Sorry crackpot, apparently you are an abortion that lived.
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The only time I’ve heard “man’s seed” used is in the bible and bad fantasy novels.
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“I’m convinced that the vast bulk of women out there who seem reasonable and level headed are sexually worthless (i.e. too old, too fat, born unattractive…).”
So, women can be either ugly or crazy. Sweet.
Crackpot, it takes a LOT to stand out as a loony around here, so way to go. Hats off to you, buddy.
Also,
“I saw your profile on your site, but you’ve obscured your pic enough so it’s hard to tell exactly what you look like. ”
I’d wager Rina obscures her pic to protect herself from loonies.
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#75, I like how you specified that Rina might be the exception to the rule then continued to insult her by saying women like her have a higher likelihood of being ugly. FYI, Rina is quite attractive (did anyone read what she wrote in first sentence before looking at her picture?), no “baggage,” still in her “prime” as the guys like to say, but she is not 100% Americanized.
most sexually worthless women are probably more realistic than others because they know through habitualization from society that they simply aren’t going to be allowed to get away with as much stuff as a higher sexually ranked female.
How much do you know of the sexual habits of “sexually worthless” women as you call them? I know a 50+ year old American woman who is overweight, ugly and has the most horrendous personality, but who still thinks she’s as hot as when she was a 20 year old and sleeps with a bunch of random men, pretends that she can get with good looking 30 year old men (she actually does, but of course they promptly dump her), and goes to bars all the time trolling for more men. She’s also serving a jail sentence for drunk driving. Realism? I don’t think she knows the meaning of the word.
Most attractive females that I know are married and don’t even try to get away with anything. They were snatched up early by men who love them and who wanted to settle down and start a family. A lot of you who go to bars and clubs all the time don’t meet the attractive women that aren’t unreasonable and overly picky. I also disagree that all men refuse to raise kids that aren’t genetically their own. As long they know about it beforehand and enter into the adoptive/step-father role willingly, it can work out fine. It’s not as if all men are wonderful fathers to their biological children, either.
For whatever reason, knowing a woman was a pushover and/or wanted sex anytime I did made me NOT want to have sex with her. In fact, I became Al Bundy (remember him?) trying to avoid sex.
Were you actually in love with any of the women you were in long-term relationships with? That could have something to do with it.
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“A lot of you who go to bars and clubs all the time don’t meet the attractive women that aren’t unreasonable and overly picky.”
Indeed, the bar scene is not reality. I love it when people do most of their socializing in bars, then complain that “there are no good men/women/humanoids left.”
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75 C.P.
Furthermore I don’t think you should even be raising your own children.
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Ya know, I was looking at Rina’s site again. She again seems fairly reasonable by a cursory glance at her front page writings, but I can’t really tell what she looks like. So, womyn don’t like to be called ‘fuck animals?’ Nobody told me these things before! Hopefully, I can put this entire matter to rest by calling out that I could probably have sex with Rina if she were so inclined. I mean that. Rina, seems really, really nice.
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Or you can put the matter to rest by judging Rina on the merits of her ideas, vs. her appearance. The one nice thing about an Internet forum should be that, for once, women can be judged on personality and intelligence, vs. boob size.
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I just threw up a little.
From this post, I’m concluding that in your personal (re: blog) life you let the asshole-flag fly. Good luck keeping up the Mr. Nice Guy charade long enough to open a normal girl’s legs.
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#83 said:
” I love it when people do most of their socializing in bars, then complain that “there are no good men/women/humanoids left.””
Why do people keep dumping on those who meet in bars? Flaky men and women are every damn where, not just at the bar. They exist in that book club you joined last Thursday! They exist in church! And if you’re in college, that girl or guy you’ve been eyeing in that economics class might just flake out on you too!
Bottom line: true love is where you find it, be it bar, college class, subway train, concert, drugstore, street corner, whatever.
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“Why do people keep dumping on those who meet in bars?”
I didn’t. I made fun of people that do most of their socializing in one place, then complain that they don’t meet anyone. Nothing to do with flakiness, everything to do with going to the same places/people over and over and then complaining that you don’t meet anyone.
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What Crackpot said in his post was blunt but accurate.
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90 Yes, Jack, but you and crackpot are two of a kind. He refers to baggage as “single mommies with kids”. Methinks you and crackpot have more baggage than Chicago O’Hare International.
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I think most women who are attracted to assholes are reacting to the sense of power that the man seems to have that they want to get closer to. I actually think it’s healthy (the desire for impowerment) but girls don’t consider the ways they can take that power into themselves rather than glom onto some dude who will eventually make them the target of the power-weilding. Follow? Anyway, one really good way a woman can explore that sense of power is by gaming women herself (you know, rather than trying to give it back to the men, like in your more current alpha-female post.) This notion has only been mentioned briefly here and we should see more on it.
Then there are the girls who are attracted like moths to the light of the thrill of impending doom. It’s a heady sensation, and if I was a player I would definately play to that angle, but ultimately unhealthy mindset for girls which they need to outgrow.
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Lisa must be both lazy and stupid.
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Hmm. some guys like it that the girl they’re dating can get other girls. It makes for fun games sometimes. But if you’re not one of those kind of guys that’s cool.
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Love the post, we need more blogs like this.
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Shannon 55
“For the sake of discussion, let’s assume that both the GND and the Bimbo are equally attractive. The girl next door is a nice, sweet, fairly intelligent woman. The bimbo is dumb as a rock, has no self-awareness, is kind of annoying, and bitchy to boot. Many, many guys claim they want the first woman, then get somehow intrigued and sucked into lousy relationships with the second.”
That will nearly always have to do with sexual heat. I think he underplays the importance of that. Really what I mean is the strength of the dominance and submission thing going on – because that’s what really hot sex is usually partly but strongly about. Esp. if the guy’s any kind of alpha that’s almost certainly male dominant sex.
Bitchy girls will OFTEN become real tigers, incredibly hungry, when they find a guy that can dominate them in bed and in a relationship. They become not bitchy at all. (Sometimes they will stay “broken” (in a good way) but probably a lot more likely it’s gonna be an endless and high energy shit test. Fun for a ride but hell for a life. Divorce theft looming.
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Shannon 55
“For the sake of discussion, let’s assume that both the GND and the Bimbo are equally attractive. The girl next door is a nice, sweet, fairly intelligent woman. The bimbo is dumb as a rock, has no self-awareness, is kind of annoying, and bitchy to boot. Many, many guys claim they want the first woman, then get somehow intrigued and sucked into lousy relationships with the second.”
That will nearly always have to do with sexual heat. I think he underplays the importance of heat as the other component of hotness (together with prettiness).
Heat as in the girl has a HUNGER to submit, in a challenging, exciting, tumultuous way, and puts enormous energy in when it’s all there. The opposite from doormat submission in other words.
Bitchy girls will OFTEN become real tigers, incredibly hungry, when they find a guy that can dominate them in the right way bed and in a relationship. They become not bitchy at all. From bitch to adoring kitten is just incredibly hot. (Sometimes they will stay “broken” (in a good way) but probably a lot more likely it’s gonna be an endless and high energy shit test. Fun for a ride but hell for a life. Divorce theft looming.
(Dominating in bed does not mean barking orders. Well it might, but only once the heat’s way up there already. It’s a dance, with a leading dance partner.)
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nullpointer
“The only time I’ve heard “man’s seed” used is in the bible and bad fantasy novels.”
Is there a difference?
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[…] I immediately spy her standing by the bar with a gigantic frosh water polo guard, staring at me in pointed horror. Champagne and shots and hooting, flirting, lying, the miracle gymnast’s incredible back […]
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