The Type A and Type B personality theory (or Type A and Type B behavior pattern) divides the population of humans into two groups, based on their personality characteristics.
People who fall under Type A exhibit characteristics such as being impatient, excessively time-conscious, insecure about one’s status, highly competitive, hostile and aggressive, and incapable of relaxation. Type A individuals are often high-achieving workaholics who multi-task, drive themselves with deadlines, and are unhappy about the smallest of delays.
Cute girl approaches me. She looks vaguely like Hilary Swank, but with better teeth. Her posture is ramrod straight. The smile on her face doesn’t falter. She never breaks eye contact. Her energy is intense. I feel like I should salute her.
Her: I saw you standing over here trying to look cool so I figured I’d come over and say Hi.
Me: “Trying”?
Her: What’s your name?
Me: That was fast. Let’s get creative. Ask another question.
Her: What do you do?
Me: Look cool.
Her: So you work for free? Because I’ve seen better.
Me: No… you haven’t. Hey, I just saw you gaming some guy right over there. Are you going around the bar practicing your flirting skills?
Her: I’m winging for my friend. [she points to a dude across the room] I was occupying the guy talking to me so my friend could hit on the girl in his group. I gave him a number I never answer.
Me: You’re like the female version of a player. For some reason I think you’re proud of that.
Her: [beaming] Yes, I am! [stares daggers into me] So, really, what do you do?
Me: Back to this again. OK, I make it hard for girls like you to get a straight answer. I get the feeling you want guys to be intimidated by you.
Her: You aren’t intimidated by me? Because most guys are.
Me: I’m shaking in my boots.
***
This edgy, in-your-face banter lasted for 15 minutes, escalating every step of the way. The longer it lasted, the more she became intrigued, her facial expressions getting animated with each new pseudo-insult. It was fun for me… for the first 30 seconds… then I became annoyed. High octane antagonistic flirting can quickly devolve into a farce and when that happens the momentum is lost. Sassy works in measured doses; more than that and it turns into bitchy. And despite the latest cultural meme to the contrary, guys don’t really like bitches. We prefer sweet.
Unfortunately, DC is filled to the brim with Type A girls. A brimful of assholes on the 45. So you have to learn to love confrontational flirting, because that’s what these girls use to separate you from the rest of the pack. It’s all they know. The better you parry her, the higher she bumps you up her male scale.
The trick is to give her what she wants at first, then pull it away and force her into your courtship tempo. Type A girls are actually *easier* to attract than Type B girls because they are simple creatures who respond reflexively to men who don’t wilt under their onslaught. Type Bs tend to be more inscrutable and sensitive; one bold move can close them off to you for good if they take it the wrong way. You’ve got more leeway with Type As to flirt outrageously, but the downside is that they are skilled at preventing you from moving the seduction forward. If you’re not careful, you’ll have a crazy fun time with her for 20 minutes… then walk home empty-handed.
Spend a few minutes attracting her, then firmly change the tone of the conversation. Say something like “Well, this is fun, but it would be better if we sat down over there and had a real conversation.” Or do a cold read: “I have an intuition about you. You come across so forward and intense, with a big wall built up around you, but inside there’s a sensitive vulnerable girl who just wants any chance to show the right guy the side of her that she hides from the world.”
Find an excuse to get her to move to a quieter spot where you can sit her down. Type As lose a lot of their incessant cockiness when they are sitting down. The physical act of sitting seems to humble them a bit. Whatever you do, don’t bother number closing a Type A if you haven’t moved past the flirting and gotten her to open up to you about something personal. You’ll know you have done this when the smile plastered on her face all night finally takes a break. Type As are very social and flirt with lots of men. She will forget you as soon as she’s left the bar to go home if your interaction with her was entirely superficial.
Oh, this is good. Gaming women gamers! Oh boy, let the games begin. I’ll pop the corn.
LikeLike
nice Cornershop reference!
LikeLike
With this example, i guarantee you the girl patted herself on the back for being so “witty” and “challenging,” thinking what a great catch she is for having this verbal sparring power.
Being feminine is out… being a bitch with masculine qualities is in.
LikeLike
“The better you parry her, the higher she bumps you up her male scale.”
I hate it when you are right.
Also, I find it interesting that you mention the incessant smiling as a bad thing…Men are constantly telling me to smile more, and I don’t think I am an “unsmiley” person.
LikeLike
I *never* approached men that way when I was a young thing, but I did sometimes give them a hard time if they were really aggressive in their approaches to me. Banter and badinage are one thing; outright hostility from a stranger – “you look like such a bitch; am I right?” – is another. I didn’t like it, and reacted accordingly.
I don’t think I’ve ever had a masculine manner or appearance in any way (except in a classroom setting, where I was pretty fierce), but even when I was young and shy I had a strong personality, and I had a hard time finding men who could stand up to it.
LikeLike
Alias Clio,
This was back in the 80’s right?
LikeLike
I am Type B all the way. Type A scares the living crap out of me. Even as a woman.
I have a few Type A friends though and this works with them. Every time.
LikeLike
Lemmonex- there are distinctly different kinds of smiles… this girl sounds like she was constantly sporting a cocky, all-knowing smirk, which gives off a very different impression from a sweet, I’m-just-happy-to-be-here-with-you smile. It’s all in the eyes. 😉
LikeLike
Yes, VK, that was back in the 1980s, and I know the dating world has changed quite a bit since then. Far more women tend to be openly aggressive in pursuing men, for one thing. There were quite a few women who did so back then, but they weren’t the majority yet, especially not before age 25 or so.
But I never liked to choose super-competitive, omni-competent women as friends, and didn’t know many of them very well as a result.
LikeLike
lemmonex – your smiling frequency is just right, like baby bear’s porridge. incessant smiling is a problem when it looks like a politician’s smile — all fake and phony and attention whoring.
LikeLike
Hillary Swank? At what point did she unhinge her jaw and attempt to swallow you whole?
I’m not sure why this sort of woman thinks a confrontational attitude is attractive. Where do they think it will lead? Sure, I might sleep with them, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to get into a relationship with someone who treats every conversation as a competition to be won rather than an interaction to be enjoyed.
LikeLike
i’ve dated women that were both super type A and fucking crazy to boot (and type a doesn’t mean competant or good, although it almost always means the person thinks they are).
big city girls are fo sho more type A in general.
LikeLike
That sounds exhausting. Just reading the bits of her dialogue made my blood pressure spike, and I’m a zombie.
LikeLike
Roissy, that was YOU?
“Men are constantly telling me to smile more, and I don’t think I am an “unsmiley” person.”
Oh, Lemmonex, this drives me nuts too. I don’t know where some guys get off going up to random women and insisting they smile. It’s weird and intrusive.
LikeLike
Everybody needs a bosom for a pillow
LikeLike
i think being a type a is selected for in modern culture. type a’s tend to be successful in the modern market economy.
i have a hard time believing that a/b are split 50/50, and i think most people tend to be somewhere in the middle. i’m both, and i choose to be one or the other when the time is fitting. (like when i can’t pay rent)
LikeLike
Roissy – do type Bs ever approach you? And for that matter, how often do girls approach you overall?
LikeLike
btw, how do you game type b girl? i need to game a type b girl
LikeLike
Ahhh, just reading that gave me a rush. I love that vibe so much — it’s like you’re a corrupt cop who’s mock-scolding some little thrill-seeker who you caught trying to shoplift.
They must love being on the receiving end of that vibe too, or else they wouldn’t be so brazenly confrontational around guys. They’re trying to test them to find someone with enough balls to whip them in line. Not in a desperate, “finally I’m going to tell a girl to fuck off!” way, but in that “this is just what I do” way.
But yeah, I don’t know if I could stand dating them long-term. Are they even interested in long-term relationships? They all have mad ADD. Sparring with them short-term sure is exhilarating though, ain’t it?
I’m very Type A, so it’s a thrill to find a girl who can hang with me. Most girls you have to be more careful and gentle with, but for once you can be as dominant as you want to be, since they’re actually capable of bloodying your nose a bit. Rawr.
LikeLike
good post man. Your anecdote is spot on in describing best practice for building attraction with a Type A. However in this example SHE approached YOU… Curious what’s your take on the best way for a guy to approach a Type A? I realize that begs the question of how would you know if she is a type A to begin with? At a bar or party I’m guessing strutty, dominant body language as well as observing her initiating flirting with several guys would be good clues.
LikeLike
“I have an intuition about you. You come across so forward and intense, with a big wall built up around you, but inside there’s a sensitive vulnerable girl who just wants any chance to show the right guy the side of her that she hides from the world.”
This is so, so nerdy. It’s like a cliche gang-bang (“walls built up,” “the right guy,” “side of her that hides from the world”). If women are actually taken in by this, I weep for the future.
LikeLike
Roissy – do type Bs ever approach you?
a couple times. i wasn’t attracted to them, but i couldn’t help but be charmed by their shyness and the courage it must have taken to approach me.
And for that matter, how often do girls approach you overall?
daytime? almost never.
night? depends how often i go out. i might get one approach per month on average.
Curious what’s your take on the best way for a guy to approach a Type A?
i don’t think your opener should be radically different for a type A. successful openers are received the same way by type A and B women. about the only change i would make is more teasing (negs) for the type A, and maybe asking more open-ended questions for the type B. opinion openers would work well on type Bs since they need to be pulled out of their shells. anything to get them to open up.
It’s like a cliche gang-bang
i agree, reggie, it is a cliche. but women react positively to them. cliches often work better than pummeling her with nonstop wit, because they are easily understood, sound more casual than trying to impress her with your uniqueness, and focus on her feelings. fuck, romantic novels are hundreds of pages of the most tired cliches yet women eat them up.
LikeLike
“The better you parry her, the higher she bumps you up her male scale.”
You got it all figured out, huh roissy?
LikeLike
#22 roissy
fuck, romantic novels are hundreds of pages of the most tired cliches yet women eat them up.
Good point. Good, vaguely depressing point.
LikeLike
24 Reggie
To say that women eat up romantic novels is severe stereotyping. You and roissy seem to have a rather skewed viewpoint. Are those the types of women you find attractive and score with?.
It’s no wonder you find it so easy. Women who read romantic novels are suffering from severely arrested development. That is fact. 🙂 The only woman I know who reads romantic novels is 80 years old and she’s been reading them and getting horny over them of all of her adult life. I would not call her mature even at the age of 80.
LikeLike
A friend once described me as a “Type C” person. He thought Type B was too active for me.
LikeLike
candy cane:
To say that women eat up romantic novels is severe stereotyping.
and then..
Women who read romantic novels are suffering from severely arrested development. That is fact.
Is that not a stereotype? Or does it not count when candy cane stereotypes? Either way it made me laugh to read those two statements next to each other.
“All women are delicate, special snowflakes and no two are alike”
“Except those bitches who read romance novels. They’re all the same.”
LikeLike
candy cane
The only woman I know who reads romantic novels is 80 years old and she’s been reading them and getting horny over them of all of her adult life. I would not call her mature even at the age of 80.
come now, don’t talk about yourself that way. tsk tsk
LikeLike
Hey, what about for Type 5H girls like me, with a bit of XZZ and some 日本ふえんき thrown in? Seriously, people are always forgetting about my type. Jeez.
LikeLike
Hey, what about for Type 5H girls like me, with a bit of XZZ and some 日本ふえんき thrown in? Seriously, people are always forgetting about my type. Jeez.
LikeLike
27 Steve
““All women are delicate, special snowflakes and no two are alike”
“Except those bitches who read romance novels. They’re all the same.”
You must open your mind Steve. Live in the paradox. Both statements are true. And I did not call them bitches. At least get your facts straight.
28 Johnny
“come now, don’t talk about yourself that way. tsk tsk”
The 80 years old part is off, but the immature part is true, only I am immature in superior ways.
LikeLike
whatif she’s type a in the boardroom but type b in the bedroom?
LikeLike
What does it even matter, we’ll all be dead soon from the bird flu anyway- then we’ll know who the real “boss” is. Yeah.
LikeLike
Oh I forgot, do you like women who have sweaty palm and feet syndrome? If so, can I have your number? If not, why not? Also, if not, can I have your friend’s number? I’m being serious. Please respond.
LikeLike
“You’ve got more leeway with Type As to flirt outrageously, but the downside is that they are skilled at preventing you from moving the seduction forward. If you’re not careful, you’ll have a crazy fun time with her for 20 minutes… then walk home empty-handed.”
And when you do lay down the law and ask them to give up the digits – the reason why you sat through their bullshit – then they call you “pushy.” No-win situation…I’ve had women say I was a little too insistent just because I wouldn’t let them change the subject whenever we were talking about hooking up. Sorry, but if I ask you what time we are getting together on Friday night, don’t start talking about the weather in China; I’ll tell you flat out that I don’t wish to talk about that.
“Me: No… you haven’t. Hey, I just saw you gaming some guy right over there. Are you going around the bar practicing your flirting skills?
Her: I’m winging for my friend. [she points to a dude across the room] I was occupying the guy talking to me so my friend could hit on the girl in his group. I gave him a number I never answer.”
That right there is a red flag.
If she left that other guy to flirt with me, I’d be afraid I got the same semi-fake number.
LikeLike
35 Clifton
“I’ve had women say I was a little too insistent just because I wouldn’t let them change the subject whenever we were talking about hooking up”
That is a total shock.
LikeLike
36 Candy Cane
assuming yr comment was sarcastic…hey, i dont WANT to be a dick about it, but what am i supposed to do? if its not going to work, id rather have them tell me its not going to work.
otherwise, if i say, “hey would you like to go out on such-and-such a night,” and they start talking about something totally unrelated…not a good sign. am i wrong just cause i called bullshit?
LikeLike
37 Well, Clifton, I do have to give you credit for being honest about what you are primarily interested in. That in and if itself is a rarity. Maybe it’s just that you have to weed through more women who are not primarily looking for a hookup to find the ones who are. I’m sure they are out there. I repeat, I give you kudos for being straightforward with your desire!!! It’s a good thing.
Just be very, very, straightforward….maybe even more so than you are now but in a more confident style. Don’t be offended, if a woman does not want what you want. She has the right.
I wish more men would be 100% honest if they are just looking for sex. It’s O.K. to want just that. Believe it or not, there are women who want just that too. Better to match up with those who have the same goals.
LikeLike
In response to 38 Candy Cane:
“Just be very, very, straightforward….maybe even more so than you are now but in a more confident style. Don’t be offended, if a woman does not want what you want. She has the right.”
I don’t mind her not wanting what I want. I’d just rather she told me, because avoiding the subject or refusing to return phone calls just isn’t kosher.
“I wish more men would be 100% honest if they are just looking for sex. It’s O.K. to want just that. Believe it or not, there are women who want just that too. Better to match up with those who have the same goals.”
When I say “hooking up,” I don’t just mean sex, I mean dating in general. And I’ve unfortunately dealt with women who will cancel the Saturday date and think I’m being pushy just because I suggested Friday or Sunday or some other day as an alternative. I’m not pushy, I just know what I want. I don’t do The Dance.
You complimented me for being 100% honest, and thanks for the kudos. But you’d be surprised how this pisses some women off. Ladies can manipulate just as bad as a man can.
LikeLike
Clifton,
“But you’d be surprised how this pisses some women off. Ladies can manipulate just as bad as a man can.”
I would say let them be pissed off then. Better that you don’t waste time with someone who prefers games and manipulation. I respect a man for being straight forward whether I want a relationship with him or not.
In my opinion pickup “artists” who are feverishly analyzing and perfecting their so-called game are on the same level as the women who obsess over “The Rules” and Cosmo. They deserve each other. Best you stay true to yourself and if that means getting shot down at least you have your integrity.
I mentioned this before–and others who’re reading this may be annoyed, but fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke– the best advice I know of for women who want to really understand men’s particularities is “In Sync with the Opposite Sex”, a CD series by Alison Armstrong. Roissy thinks it’s bullshit but then he knows nothing about it or much of anything else worth knowing in the realm of relationships in my opinion.
Women who are privy to THAT information are sought after by real men (not players) because they understand men the way they really are and don’t play stupid games like “a man must call by Wed. for a Sat. date or act like you’re busy” type of bullshit.
LikeLike
I’ve been using this methodology for the last couple weeks, and it really has worked. What you describe in D.C., happens here in Chicago, too. The women are definitely As, and the place is full of them.
Just last weekend was the scene of the huge Chicago Boat Party. Think Mardi Gras on Water here. The real advantage to this party is that all the boats tie up to one another, thus creating endless possibilities.
Somehow I got stuck blowing up the rafts for everyone with the electric generator..
Girl (Hot latina, about 22 (I’m 33), and say a 9): “Do you think you’re special because yer helping everyone out?”
Me: “No, I knew I was special well before I got on this boat today”
Girl “Maybe when you’re done you can make me a drink”
Me “Maybe before I’m finished, you’ll have brought me a fresh one”
Girl: Laughs flirtingly and walks to her friends (2 ft away) for support and possible future shit testing recommendations.
5 min later she asks rudely where her drink is. I reply by firmly/1/2 jokingly stating “I’m not sure if I want to talk to you until you clean up that attitude of yours”.
5 minutes later her and her friends are on our boat permanently.
20 minutes after that, she and I are alone on the raft that I blew up 30 min ago.
An hour later she’s back om her boat with her friends. From accross the way SHE number closes me and calls me right away. My friends thought I was a pimp for screaming my digits over the water, then watching her actually call.
LikeLike
Amazing Site I like it. It Was Quite Interesting NiceWork I appreciate the information you provided. Good day
LikeLike