It’s a good idea to bring sex talk into the conversation with a girl sooner rather than later. Prying her brain wave patterns with thoughts of sexual scenarios while her attention is directed to you will anchor those pleasurable feelings to your presence. She will perceive you as a sexual man with a masculine crotch-centered aura.
Timing is important. If you’re too quick to go raunchy she’ll peg you as a creepy perv or overly eager to get in her pants.
Her: What do you think of the music in this place?
You: It’s not bad music to make sweet sweet love to.
Her: Um… ew?
That’s why you should never take a girl’s bait when she brings up sexual topics first. In actuality, she’s trying to smoke you out as a needy beta. Always tease a girl for talking about sex before the moment is right for it (i.e., before you and her have entered the lower-energy rapport stage when it is acceptable to engage in more intimate talk).
Her: I love it when a guy zorbits my boobs during sex!
You: Hey, thanks for the medical report!
At the opposite extreme, waiting too long to inject innuendo and playful sexual overtones into the conversation can cause a girl to wonder if you have eunuch issues. Men who aren’t comfortable bantering in a sexual way are often seen as asexual and timid lovers. When you finally do broach a sexual topic way too late in the interaction it will come across as desperately cloying and incongruent, similar to waiting until the end of a date to kiss a girl. As with physical touching, you’re better off slowly getting her accustomed to seeing you as a man who does not shrink from his manly desires.
Sexual talk usually arises organically from good vibing. A man and woman attracted to each other and left to their own devices will eventually drift into double entendre. There shouldn’t be a struggle to find a convenient excuse to share sexual thoughts. But in case there is, you could always take her to a venue that has props to help move the conversation in a sexual direction.
thank you for including words such as ‘aura’ ‘energy’ and ‘vibing’.
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Like, for instance, a stuffed ram with a giant sack.
What’s your take on commenting about other people in the venue who are getting very physical as a way to seamlessly introduce sex talk?
Not necessarily dissing them. Maybe something like, “Gee, she looks pretty eager tonight — I hope that guy has health insurance.”
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I didn’t mean that in an STD way. As in, she’s going to put that poor guy in the hospital after tonight.
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also thank you for a ram with a giant sack!
ahhaha
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Agnostic: There is no way that “She looks eager” can be construed to be a good thing in that venue. No girl would want to seem “eager.”
You could point out the obvious vibe/sexual energy and comment how lucky they both are or how sexy her aura is in a non slutty way. If the the object of your attention agrees, your in. No, then you will need to rethink strategy.
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Great stuff as always man. I’m gonna check E-bay for a stuffed ram with a giant sack. It may be what I need to tie the room together.
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What is zorbiting?
Wait. Never mind. I probably don’t want to know.
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That ram looks oddly familiar…
7 Kerrie- a zorbit is like motorboating. It tickles. 😉
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2 & 3 agnostic
If you’re line requires a follow up explanation, especially here, then don’t use it on a girl.
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Just get one of those bull-scrotum bags and use it as a man-purse. Then you can carry your conversation piece with you.
Dilemma: Is it still effeminate to carry a purse if it’s made from something that used to hold the balls that manufactured bull testosterone?
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WOW! that was truly laugh-out-loud funny.
“She will perceive you as a sexual man with a masculine crotch-centered aura.”
GOLD!
You are blog rolled! I don’t agree with everthing 100% but I know a lot of it to be true for a large group of people out there. Excellent.
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“That’s why you should never take a girl’s bait when she brings up sexual topics first.”
I don’t know. There’s something to be said for allowing it to be well-known that you’re a sex fiend who will bang anything. Because then when they get to thinking what you have is special and it’s going to change you and then you proceed to do the same old it’s an extra special mindfuck for which they have no one to blame and no one to soothe them by saying they didn’t see it coming either.
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Funny, smart, outrageous, and helpful as ever. How do you keep coming up with this stuff day after day?
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I’m oddly disappointed that a post featuring both sexual talk and a photo of a goat with a ballsac of sufficient size to hold a regulation volleyball hasn’t generated more discussion. The Internet has failed.
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Fuckity, fuckity, fuck, you are a most annoying person.
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I am reminded of a joke I read in Playboy eons ago:
Alpha male is coaching his beta friend on subtlety as the key to successful seduction. Alpha pastes a round white sticker on the glove compartment of Beta’s car and tells him that he should use said sticker to direct the conversation toward the symbolism of white with virginity, etc. etc., and let it flow from there.
On Beta’s next date, she points to the sticker and asks “What’s that?” to which Beta responds “It’s a white dot. Let’s fuck!”
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Thet ram has beeg khram,
like me.
You like? I like.
Let’s sexy time.
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Going sexual? This is news?
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You’ve brought up a good point in the sense that if you don’t escalate the conversation in this direction and then begin to make some physical contact you will be placed in the friend zone.
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Where can I buy a similar ram?
I think my place needs one.
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Yes, Candy Cane, this is news. Because the kids of feminist and Catholics (ahem) have been taught to place women on pedestals and treat them like saints who are “above” soiling themselves with lowly sex — especially with “males” (not men, mind you — that would be too human term).
Thus, these boys go off into a world not realizing that not only will women place them in the dreaded “friend zone” for being eunnich-like, but women actually despise asexual men.
Again, I’ll repeat the story about how I accidentally complimented a woman in my office saying I “recognized her from the back.” I meant her hair. She thought I meant her butt, but still found it amusing enough to endlessly flirt with me thereafter.
This post is essential because too many guys do the dirty talking to thier Yahoo messenger friends and then treat the women they take on dates like business partners or saints on earth. This approach leads to failure.
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20 D.O.B.A
I understand the intention, but find this type of “well timed” sexual banter either annoying or entertaining and fun. It’s fun if it’s done by a skilled player who I can then have a great time flirting/dancing and rubbing up against for an evening, but I would never have sex with him. Still it’ IS really fun and flattering to be the object of sexual attention. Usually if they are good enough at it, I’m not the only one dancing and rubbing up against him!!
He may wretch at the very idea, but he would never get to first base with me with the approaches he advocates. I am looking for what the sexual experience will actually be like and what comes after. He seems to have rather short term goals.
So the lady in your office loved the imagined flirt? Good for her, it certainly makes going to work fun when there’s someone to flirt with! One of my newly wed male clients calls me ‘sweetie’, “hon”, and gives me big hugs when we meet. I asked him if his wife knows he is such a flirt and he said ‘yes’. I know her and she’s very confident in his love, so I believe him. I flirt with my best woman friend and her husband, the handyman, my office assistant (female and hot), etc., etc. Sex, sex, sex, it’s everywhere thank God.
Speaking of treating women as saints. I am not a saint, nor do I ever want to be treated like one. The inevitable fall from grace is very painful. I do want to be treated as a “Goddess” in bed (for lack of a better word) because I treat a man as a God in bed. Sex is sacred, beautiful, exciting; how life is created. Sex brings me great joy and I want to have sex with a man who approaches it in the same way. This does not by any means say that lust is not where it starts.
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