A while ago, I brainstormed a list of indirect openers and conversation starters to use for cold approaches. Some of these are originals, some are reworkings of popular openers already in circulation in the pickup community. For a time, I actually kept this as a cheat sheet in my back pocket to assist during those rare moments my mind was a complete blank and I could think of nothing to say. I would guess I use “canned” openers on 10% of my approaches. I prefer situational openers, where I jive about whatever happens to be going on around us. But sometimes canned material is very helpful to ease the way for you to get out of a slump or as a temporary substitute for weak natural game.
Note: These are NOT “pickup lines”. They won’t make a girl automatically attracted to you, and they aren’t examples of direct game. They’re simply interesting or amusing things to talk about that get girls intrigued and invested in a conversation with you. They also raise your value by making you sound more interesting to girls than 99% of guys out there.
Most of the ones below fall under the category of opinion opener, which I’ve found are more effective as something you say right after you’ve broken the ice with a casual greeting.
The best way to use these lines is to anchor them to a back story, otherwise you risk sounding creepy if you crash a set blurting them out machine gun style. For instance, I might say “My buddy over there just broke up with his girlfriend and I’ve been spending the night consoling him. She was just way too jealous of him. Do you think guys or girls get jealous more easily?”
***
1. How would you react if your boyfriend gave you an ultimatum?
2. Why do girls check out other girls more than they check out guys?
3. There are people who analyze walks and can tell what mood you’re in, what you’re thinking, and even what you do for a living.
– great for steering a conversation in many different directions.
4. You look like the type who would date a starving artist, but marry a doctor.
– this one has been very good to me because it is part opener, part neg.
5. Let’s say you were dating this guy for a while, fell in love with him, and found out months later that he was broke. Would you break up with him?
– also one of my favorites. anything that hints at the core nature of women elicits strong reactions.
6. Were you nervous the first time you tried on a bikini? My buddy said he was nervous when he first tried on a suit. -OR- My ex said she was nervous the first time she wore 5 inch stiletto heels.
– a conversation builder like this is highly context dependent. use with caution.
7. There was a study done recently that said that beautiful couples have more daughters and nerdy couples have more sons. Would you say your parents were beautiful or nerdy?
8. Who can keep a secret longer — guys or girls?
– simple. direct. easy to remember. make sure to anchor it if this is your opener.
9. Are the best lovers made or born?
– not recommended as an opener. better as banter material.
10. You guys are in the power position. Yeah, tight circle, backs to everyone, like a football huddle. No guy is gonna get through your defenses. But how would you stand if one of you… let’s say her (motion toward your target)… really wanted to be approached by a cool guy?
– if you like to approach sets boldly, this one is for you.
11. If a guy needs to buy some stylish clothes is it better for him to take along a girlfriend or a girl buddy for fashion tips? What about a gay friend?
12. Who has better fashion sense — girls or gay guys?
– any mention of the word “gay” is like the all-purpose social lubricant.
13. You look like the type of girl who would leave a club if another girl was wearing the same shirt.
– this one is a risky opener gambit. use on stuck up chicks who need to be brought down off their pedestals they have constructed on the backs of fawning betas.
14. I’ve read that men get more jealous from sexual infidelity and women get more jealous from love infidelity. Which one bothers you more?
– better in low key environments with smarter prospects. drunk club sluts won’t get what you’re saying.
15. Do you guys believe in reincarnation? If it were true, what kind of person do you think you’d be in your next life? You (point at potential cockblock)… you look like you’d be a CEO in your next life… and you (point at target), a ballet geek!
– now THIS is good for the clubs. it’s an opener that lets you yell above the noise, and it contains one of those key words – reincarnation – that instantly pricks a girl’s attention.
BONUS
This one is not an original by me but I have used it with great results. It’s an example of direct game.
You: [striding confidently into the set] Do you know why you girls suck?
Girls: [looking at each other incredulously, but expectantly]
You: Because I’ve been standing over there for ten minutes and you haven’t come over to say Hi. I mean, I can tell you’d like to, you keep giving me the eye.
***
Try these at your leisure. Anyone scoring a lay off them will be written about in a later post on my blog, and your deeds will be sung by the bards for generations.
Looks like “What’s your sign?” just doesn’t cut the mustard any longer.
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I personally prefer “Do you have a map? Because I keep on getting lost in your eyes.” But, I am a romantic like that.
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I have a friend who strongly believes in the alias method from the clip you showed a few weeks back. He’s been known to go up to girl and say,
“Your hair looks shiny as shit”
Or
“Can you even read?”
I can’t even believe this works because this is how you eventually have to talk to women in DC. I’ll let you figure out who it is….
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In a ’90s movie, “Singles,” a beta-engineer in his early-to-mid 20s approaches a decent-looking girl at a club, also about 23-25 years old, with something along these lines: “this place is full of phoniness and desperate people trying desperate lines to meet somebody. I have no line; just me, and I am attracted to you, and hope we could talk.”
I paraphrase this from distant memory, but the thrust of the scene was that the guy lays down his cards. She calls his game, so to speak — even though it wasn’t game since he was 100% earnest — by saying that his “lack of a line is a line.
The character was tall, but otherwise average-looking, did not project confidence, and was clearly out of his element at the club.
In the movioe, this worked. After her initial resistance, they did in fact get together. What are your thoughts about this kind of full disclosure approach?
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I bet you dinner and a movie you wouldn’t go on a date with me.
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Seinfeld episode. Todd Gack, and all that.
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What are your thoughts about this kind of full disclosure approach?
PA, she was right, it is a line. I am assuming that he would use “full disclosure” more than once in his life, making it little different than “What’s your sign?”.
There is nothing particularly wrong with that kind of direct approach, but it is a line.
Personally, I think that kind of direct game would work best on that girl that is alone in the corner, sipping her drink. She is sitting there watching her girlfriend making out with some jock and she would love some attention.
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“aerosolized rohypnol”
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” For instance, I might say “My buddy over there just broke up with his girlfriend and I’ve been spending the night consoling him. She was just way too jealous of him”
Unless it’s true, why say it? Men need ice breakers, no question, but don’t lie. Even this little white lie is just plain bullshit. You don’t seem to be getting it.
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d love to hear that my hair looks shiny as shit!!!
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A guy came up to and told me my hair smelled nice.
At 2pm on a Sunday in a Barnes and Noble.
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i got u beat… last week.. im at a private club (think cigars and manhattans… jazz music) when an ‘older’ gentleman, suit, frenxh cuffs, fendi rims, folds his newspaper; leans my way and asks if he may ask me a question… disclaming that he normally wouldnt be so forward, but that he just had to ask me….. ‘are you submissive’? (i almost snorted my dirty martini out my nose) wtf? (nothing venturd nthng gained i suppose) -i much rathr have heard my hair smells good… or looks shiny!!
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I notice you like the modern version of palm-reading — talking about psych studies you know will interest girls, like the nerdy couples have more sons thing. It doesn’t even have to be a good study (in that case, it wasn’t), whatever piques her curiosity will do. Hell, I may even start to make shit up: “I heard about a study that said….” and fill in the blanks as needed.
It’s great to work these in after opening as well. I like finding out her digit ratio in a playful way because:
1) it tells me how girly vs. how aggressive she is right away
2) you get to demonstrate your expertise at something that interests her, and
3) you can use it as a physical compliance test. Stand shoulder-to-shoulder, and say “OK, hold out your hand like this,” with you right arm extended, your palm facing away, and your fingers rigid and close together.
If she’s on your left, aim your arm to your right, and see if she mimics this by moving her right arm to her right — that is, into your space, typically with her upper arm or shoulder touching your shoulder. See how long she leaves it there while you explain what to measure and what it means.
If she’s on your right, still extend your right arm, but this time straight ahead or to your left. Don’t tell her which arm to use — and see if she opts for her left arm (the one next to you). If so, she’s instinctively trying to get her extended arm close to yours.
You’re supposed to check the right hand, so if she has her left arm out and is on your right, just explain what to measure and what it means first, and then say, “Oh wait, it’s your right hand I need to see.” This again allows you to see how long she leaves her arm touching yours. If she sticks out her left arm and she’s on your left, that may be a sign that she’s not comfortable with touching yet.
If she has a girly digit ratio, phrase it as her being more feminine, suited to helping others, etc., rather than girly, likely to flake, and so on. If she has a masculine digit ratio, phrase it as her being more confident and assertive, suited to strong careers, rather than manly, too intense, and so on.
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Also, be careful about using the word “testosterone” to describe a girl’s personality, re: digit ratio. If she has a masculine ratio, you have to zip over the T-word and emphasize confident and assertive. Then go to the tips you gave recently on gaming Type A girls, which she almost certainly is if she’s got a longer ring finger than index finger.
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oh… thats it! he mustve looked at the ratio of my fingers and concluded im submisive…. lol
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Is there anything you can say to a girl in a bar or club that isn’t a line?
It depends. Think about the guy in the bar that is talking to everyone. He is talking and joking with everyone around him, and some girl just strolls into his presence and now she is on the receiving end of his fun and witty banter.
Assuming that she likes fun and witty crap, she will likely stick around.
Also, think about Bartenders. Does the girl think that he is talking to her to pick her up. Should he ignore one of his customers? He talks to almost everyone.
This is why indirect game can be so effective. If you know what you are doing, it doesn’t really look like a typical pick-up at all.
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i thought having your own blog is the best modern social lubricant?
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Oops, #20 Anonymous was me.
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Na-ny boo-boo 69/ Candy Cane
Stop using smiley faces at the end of your oh so sarcastic comments. What’s the point of changing your name if you’re going to keep writing exactly the same way. What a dumb cunt
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23 Virgle
Sorry if I hurt your feelings.
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“giving you license to pump and dump without remorse.”
Great. You made my day.
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As usual I will regurgitate the words of Tyler Durden on natural game:
All lines for a real man are a sign of weak inner game. I like salad was proven an effective opener by Tyler and Tim usually just introduces himself to open. The reason for this is that what you actually say doesn’t matter because 99% of the time the girl will forget the opener seconds into the conversation. What matters is your body language. Escalation, a clowser, makes.
http://blog.realsocialdynamics.com/
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Also a real man knows what he has to say is important and doesn’t think that he is imposing on strangers or wasting their time when he stops them. As for the direct opener that PA mentions it was also used in a beautiful mind and it is what is RSD calls sexual state projection.
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Oh man i really like “starving artist.”
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Also, why are posters on this website so incredibly misogynistic, treating attraction as an us versus them game is supposedly harmful to your game because the self is always shining through (except maybe in the case of one night stands, but even then you probably aren’t living to your potential by constantly going around full of negativity).
I anticipate the response to be as follows:
Blah, blah, blah, gnxp says this (albeit a legitimate set of data perverted for the sake of argument). YOU ARE ONLY DEFENDING WOMEN BECAUSE YOU ARE BETA! If it were a man you wouldn’t care.
In fact this criticism might be true, but if you spout of something like this then I request an analogous analogy about men.
More to the point though, I notice really annoying trends on this site to extrapolate the views of female posters on this website to the general female population. In fact this is probably inaccurate because the correct extrapolation would be to both men and women who simply feel threatened by this.
“C’mon people, all girls are insecure.”
Correction, most people are insecure.
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35 Poseur
“why are posters on this website so incredibly misogynistic, treating attraction as an us versus them game is supposedly harmful to your game”
Judging from the majority of posters on this site, one would believe the entirety of birth, death, and everything in between were game.
31 Anon
“Some women understand that it’s what gets the job done in the least painful way that counts — but most don’t. ”
The LEAST painful way? You’re joking I hope. Good grief, I’m nearly speechless. Is minimizing pain the best we can hope for? Or just the best we can hope for if we happen to be unfortunate enough to cross paths with the likes of you? Most of us ideally are striving for actual happiness if that isn’t too much to imagine.
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@Candy most people seek to minimize pain rather than seek pleasure. That’s why people are often scared to approach. They are avoiding pain to the ego rather than seeking the pleasure that could come from sex.
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article1090275.ece
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37 Poseur
“They are avoiding pain to the ego rather than seeking the pleasure that could come from sex.”
There is a much greater happiness that can come from sex, but seldom does, which is why it never really satisfies the deeper joy that we know we know we’re capable of experiencing. The only way to experience deeper joy and fulfillment is to drop the ego altogether. Therein lies the problem Dropping one’s ego feels like death, and it is a kind of death, but a good one. I doubt that makes sense, but I try. Seeking merely pleasure is cheap by comparison.
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Candy I see you’ve been dipping into the Eckhart Tolle koolaid.
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39 Eckhart Tolle? I wiki’d him….German…hmmm. Checked him out on Youtube. What comes to mind? The strange glint German’s have in their eyes. My uncle who lived in Germany noticed this. My sources are many, but have never read the Power of Now. Have you?
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pithy quote du jour
We say we love flowers, yet we pluck them.
We say we love trees, yet we cut them down.
And some people still wonder why some are afraid
when they are told they are loved.
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Yes I have and your words sound like a direct quote from his book. Although, I have a somewhat different thought on pleasure, but we don’t need to turn everything into a ten page debate so I’ll leave it at that.
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What about the false time constraint? Don’t you use those, as advocated by Style?
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tsm #28 I chalk this up to the low average IQ of the PUA community, although it’s probably still higher than average.
you have managed
(1) a complete non sequitur
(2) two utterly self-contradictory statements, and
(3) a ‘this’ with no discernible referent
all in the space of 1.5 lines, perhaps the best trifecta of idiocy i’ve ever seen in writing. congratulations; that’s not easy.
—
anonymous #31 Some women understand that it’s what gets the job done in the least painful way that counts — but most don’t. For them, respecting other people’s feelings trumps everything else.
but only inasmuch as other people’s feelings = other women’s feelings.
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What about nonverbal? I’d be surprised if you couldn’t get a girl to approach you by looking at her the right way. You know what I mean right?
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48 johnny five
“For them, respecting other people’s feelings trumps everything else. but only inasmuch as other people’s feelings = other women’s feelings.”
Women would be 100 times smarter to assume guys do NOT respect their feelings. Most guys would find the entire concept laughable and completely illogical. Because there are so few guys even capable of making any kind of cognitive association between “feelings” and “respect” it’s much more likely to be a correct assumption. What usually happens instead is just the opposite. They trust that a guy respects their feelings until proven otherwise and then cry wolf. There are an awful lot of women playing victim to guys. I was one of them. Did you notice I use the word guys instead of men. That’s the difference. There are lots of guys out there, but few real men.
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Really Confectionery Delight… give me a little bit more credit than that. To hint at value as being overflowing egoism is a contradiction to the first paragraph of thought. For all of the above you listed, at its core living a good life is the highest value. Giving value, is bringing the party, being true to your intentions, being unstifled, being in your own reality. It might sound like egoism, but it is only egoism if you become narcissistic about it. Though I’m sure by modern psychological standards anyone that tries to accomplish anything is narcissistic. There is a difference between self esteem and ego. Value is self esteem. Once you have true self esteem and have cut away the ego you have a cup overflowing with value. Anyway this is all getting too new agey for this blog and if you don’t really understand what’s going on here then just forget it, it doesn’t really matter, to each his own. Whatever works for you, I’m not making any claim to bringing some ultimate enlightenment to the table. I do however request that you do not outright dismiss in a narcissistic way, where your ego cannot handle the existence of an alternative viewpoint on life that may be better than your own.
Have you read Atlas Shrugged?
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Are you ethnic?
I get that all the time…and it usually ends up with me talking for them for at least 1-2 minutes because I’m not and then I have to explain why.
Don’t I know you from somewhere?
I get that one alot as well (and have actually used it!). Easy to deliver and you spend at least a couple of moments to talk about where you’re from people you know…
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52 Poseur
“where your ego cannot handle the existence of an alternative viewpoint on life that may be better than your own.”
My word! May be better than my own? How is that possible? LOL I did say I may not understand what you meant. My current worldview where romantic relationships are concerned is, alas, somewhat tainted by most recent relationship debacle that has left me heavily scarred. One that I’m practically forbidden to discuss as others (as well as myself actually) are sick of hearing about it.
Suffice it to say, we are both on the leading edge of thought–in some areas at least. One wants to at least fake humbleness when needed. Haha. I would certainly love to meet a man with high value as you describe as “…bringing the party, being true to your intentions, being unstifled, being in your own reality”, but right now would not know what to do with one. I don’t have much to offer of value myself at this time, except Platonic love and friendship in abundance–something I value and enjoy with both sexes of course, and my daughter.
It’s been a long time, but I did read Atlas Shrugged. Would have to look at the Spark Notes on that one. I definitely would not describe myself as an Ayn Rand fan, though my brother is. Did you like the book? If so, what did you like or not? What have you read that inspires you? Short answers accepted and yes, I’m New Agey in a lot of ways, and quite trashy in many others. Am a big South Park fan. Fuck is one of my favorite words, and I love nothing more lustful sex…for where it takes me.
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Candy Cane the world view part wasn’t directed at you.
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“I don’t have much to offer of value myself at this time, except Platonic love and friendship…”
“Fuck is one of my favorite words, and I love nothing more lustful sex…for where it takes me.”
“I would certainly love to meet a man…”
These three statements confuse me? Will you have sex with a man as I described above, or are you jaded right now and won’t have sex, but would love to be friends with such a man? Answer this one for yourself and the man shall come. There are plenty of divorced dads on the pick up forum I frequent where we seek self-actualization goals like that. You should enjoy your experiences more with less regret, even if they are fleeting (easier said than done I know).
I enjoyed the book. There is a lot of controversy behind it, but suffice it to say it kept me entertained.
What I liked about it was Francisco D’Anconia’s speech about women and value http://rahmisari.com/2008/03/11/francisco-d%E2%80%99anconia%E2%80%99s-speech-sex-and-morality/
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56 Poseur
Yes, I completely misunderstood your worldview statement. Have been a bit edgy for awhile now.
I bookmarked the link and will print and read it soon. Looks like heady, interesting stuff. My three statements were not meant to confuse, but to point out the contradictory/paradoxical elements of my current state/personality.
“Will you have sex with a man as I described above” NO
“or are you jaded right now and won’t have sex” YES
“but would love to be friends with such a man? ” YES
“You should enjoy your experiences more with less regret, even if they are fleeting (easier said than done I know).”
Key word “should”? I don’t want to have sex at all right now, though I get offers. Sex is never casual to me, and I don’t feel deprived not having sex in general. For me, sex is a want, not a need. When younger (teens) I happily pursued many fleeting encounters, and am glad I took the opportunity to do that.
Now I require trust and mutual intentions first and foremost. I only want to have sex with a man I would want to be in love with, and in order to know if I want to be in love with him, I have to know him before sex, because after sex I won’t be thinking so clearly. I’ve learned the hard way.
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Poseur. On Francisco’s speech:
“Well, the man who despises himself tries to gain self- esteem from sexual adventures–which can’t be done, because sex is not the cause, but an effect and an expression of a man’s sense of his own value.””
Another way of putting it; Sex CAN be an expression of a man’s self worth OR narcissistic supply.
This reminds me of “Sex is not the roots, but the bloom of love.”
I know a man who fits this description to a “T”. He uses sexual conquests to bolster his sagging self image and feel no remorse in dumping women when his goal is achieved. It’s a continuous cycle between excessive deflation and inflation of his ego.
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Watch out for negs that are too funny: girl has rolled up sock hat on so I say, ” You look like a movie star”…. She says,” Oh really, which one?”
– ” Rockys boxing coach!”
I couldn’t even finish because anyone in earshot and myself were laughing too hard. She was not impressed.
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I’ll trybsome of these tonight lol. Good stuff.
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Poseur: “Have you read Atlas Shrugged?”
Never finished it – my brain kicks into REM after about every third page 🙂
Interesting ideas ……………………… terribly written
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