What are two truisms of seduction?
That women want to feel like they are valued for more than their looks.
and
That women want to earn a man’s interest.
This is what the whole idea of qualifying women is based upon. By demonstrating to a woman that she must meet your standards which go beyond how she looks you indirectly communicate that
a. you have discerning taste
b. you are a challenge to be won
c. you can be both a and b because you have choice in women.
One way to demonstrate you have standards is by asking her questions designed to put her on the defensive. These are not open-ended “getting to know you” type questions like “what’s your favorite movie?”. They’re more incisive than that. The answer you want from her is implied in the question you ask, so she’ll feel obligated to win your approval by answering the right way. Once the pickup ball starts rolling in this direction, the power dynamic begins to shift away from her and to you.
Following is a short list of effective qualifying questions that will let the girl know you are a choosy man. Timing is everything. Use them after you have gotten indications that she is attracted to you, usually 10 to 15 minutes after you’ve opened her if your game was tight. She will feel no reason to qualify herself to you if she isn’t already interested.
- Can you cook?
- Do you give good backrubs?
- Are you a good kisser?
- Do you do much traveling?
- Are you rich?
- Are you smart?
- Are you the jealous type?
- Is there more to you than just your looks?
- Are you low, medium, or high maintenance?
- Have you ever given a dollar to a homeless guy when no one else was watching?
Don’t be afraid to express some disappointment if she doesn’t answer your question in a way that pleases you. Let the disappointment show on your face. Don’t make a huge production out of it; a deflated “oh, i see” or “that’s too bad” will work just fine. If she quickly tries to correct the wrong impression she left with you then you’ll know she sees you as someone worthy of pleasing. She’ll be in chase mode, which is where girls WANT to be despite what they may claim to the contrary. (Older washed-up women, don’t bother contradicting what I say. You have forgotten what it’s like to be a young woman.)
Qualification questions can also be framed in the form of statements. Saying any of the following in the course of a conversation, sometimes with a half-serious grin to blunt the impact, subtly projects that you are the one to impress, not the other way around.
- You better still look hot when you get older.
- I’m not interested in [XYZ].
- You get points for that.
- I’m gonna change the subject now.
- I don’t know if I can be with a girl who likes to [XYZ].
In my experience, most men forget to qualify the girls they date. Their inner game is so geared toward trying to impress her that they never even think to turn the tables and interview HER for the job. When women go on dates, they are interviewing the guys, whether they admit this or not. The way to defeat her at her own game is not to accept her terms of engagement at all. Instead, flip the script. Use her weapons of courtship against her. When she tries to qualify you, brush off her attempts like you would dismiss a bratty little kid trying to goad you into a dare. The posture to adopt is amused mastery of everyone around you.
After you’ve built up a store of experience with women, you’ll start to have real standards that they must meet. Your choosiness will no longer be an artifact of game but a core component of who you are as a man. Having standards that include more than how she looks will make you very attractive to women, because it subconsciously telegraphs that you are not so stricken by beauty like an inexperienced man that you would abandon your other criteria. When you can walk away from dates out of true conviction rather than tactical advantage your inner game will be like heart of lion.
Good morning!
“One way to demonstrate you have standards is by asking her questions designed to put her on the defensive. These are not open-ended “getting to know you” type questions like “what’s your favorite movie?”. They’re more incisive than that.”
Your choice of word “incisive” made me think of “incisor”: a narrow-edged tooth at the front of the mouth, adapted for cutting.
My friend who recently had a man fall head over heels in love with her and want to marry her, said the thing that turned him on the most when they first met is that she said she just wanted to grow old and fat with someone.
Sorry, but your whole system of qualifying women is hilarious. Am very glad I’m not young if being young means falling for this crap. This is exactly what the player I spoke about earlier did and I saw through it in a heartbeat. If a woman answers yes to the are you smart question and then falls for this, she’s deluding herself.
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Following is a short list of effective qualifying questions that will let the girl know you are a choosy man …
Can you cook?
Do you give good backrubs?
Are you a good kisser?
Do you do much traveling?
Are you rich?
Are you smart?
Are you the jealous type?
Is there more to you than just your looks?
Are you low, medium, or high maintenance?
Have you ever given a dollar to a homeless guy when no one else was watching?
I’d start out with a different question. And you probably can figure out what it is.
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Is Crystaline Confection the same person as Nany Boo Boo 69, Neu [something], Candi Cane, and Sara?
Sorry, but your whole system of qualifying women is hilarious. Am very glad I’m not young if being young means falling for this crap.
How han the system of qualifying women be hillarious (presumably you mean “ineffective,”) if, as you say, young women are “falling” for it?
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That smileyface was not intended.
I hate smileyfaces.
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3 PA “How han the system of qualifying women be hillarious (presumably you mean “ineffective,” if, as you say, young women are “falling” for it?”
Because you place such a gynormous value on sex in and of itself, alone you think the end justifies the means. But it won’t get you love which is of a much higher value. Prove me wrong if you like. Any animal can have sex. So fuck away, I’m just giving my opinion.
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I think R’s advice shows some solid sense, especially in its insistence that a man should indicate that he is discriminating in courtship, and that this will please a woman more than a suggestion that he will take anything he can get. While the technique may sound arrogant and counter-intuitive at first glance, it actually addresses one of women’s greatest fears – that men want sex so badly that they really don’t care who provides it to them. This is at the heart of the reason why many women find men more attractive if they are already popular with other women. Such a man has options: if he pursues you, it must be because he thinks you are special. (Caveat to women: don’t be fooled by this. The fact that a man has options besides you doesn’t mean he sees you as special; he may just be a novelty-seeker or an ego-pumper.)
Still, I think that the tone in which such questions are delivered, their timing, and the personality of the man doing the asking, also count. Asked the wrong way, these questions could make a man sound conceited, petty, or “anal-retentive”, none of which is good for game.
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6 PA
That’s what I’m saying; prove me wrong. I suppose anyone can have a long term relationship, but what is the quality of the relationship? People brag about their long term relationships and marriages when the love may be dead and buried.
Statements like this: “subtly projects that YOU are the one to impress, NOT the other way around.” This statement is dripping of arrogance. Does this approach work? If it worked to attain that illusive loving long term soul connected relationship (and if that was in fact his goal) he’d be enjoying the fruit of his efforts instead of just writing about it. Does it work to get insecure women to drop their panties? Probably. Big deal.
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Getting laid is the crucial first step to getting love. The idea that the reverse is the case no longer works in today’s dating scene, at least the secular one. The only reason it ever did is that there were all these artificial institutions that forced young people to choose partners based on something besides immediate attraction.
This was a good, meat-and-potatoes type post. But as Clio says, asking these questions in an abrupt or awkward manner could backfire horribly. As the end of the post says, what you need to to is fully integrate the attitude. Ironically for this blog, the requisite attitude is that you value women for something beyond their pussy. Men being who they are, that requires having easy enough access to pussy that you aren’t desparate for it. But it’s actually a more humane attitude to have. It can come naturally with age and experience.
There was a certain tone of snotty superiority to the woman in some of the questions, presumably meant to mirror the bitchy superiority hot women can affect in clubs. That’s manipulative and will tend to drive away women with truly good personalities, but I can see it working. But if you’re actually fully relaxed about the whole thing, it doesn’t have to be a contest. You can be figuring out, you know, whether you actually like the person.
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11 PA
“…it’s important for a man to act like he’s a challenge, and not like a tail-wagging puppy.”
See comment 51 on Pickup Openers. It does NOT mean being a wimp.
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good post but i agree w one point.
girls don’t necessarily want to be valued for more than their looks, they want to feel special and as if whatever it is they have (even if it is only looks) is necessary to attract their high value guy. there are plenty of shallow and hot girls who will fall for a guy who will only pick the hottest girl and that means it’s them.
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Excellent post, excellent tips and insights, great line suggestions.
Sigh: I wish “game” had been around back in my dating days. I stumbled into some of these behaviors myself by sheer dumb dint of trying a lot (and being open to learning), but I might have had a lot more success than I did had these methods all been codified. On the other hand, well, we did a ton of drugs back in those days and the result was often that you wound up in bed with whoever you were with at the moment. So who needed game?
Anyway, the basic idea here is one it took me far too long to cotton onto: That guys need to take an “I’m the one to be conquered attitude” rather than an “I’m at a job interview” one.
For one thing, it makes the process a lot less fraught for the guy (which, coincindentally, makes him a whole lot more attractive). For another, it really is what women are looking for. No matter what they say, they’re often at their most switched-on and fun when they’re trying to win a guy over, not vice-versa.
I could extend the reasoning a bit further, right into the sack. One mistake it seems to me that many guys make (I’ve heard this from lots of girls, plus it’s a mistake that I certainly committed ‘way too often at the outset of my own dating career) is fretting too much about pleasing or impressing her in bed. It’s as though we tend to feel that first we have to measure up — show a lot of patience and finesse (and eat a lot of pussy) — and only then do we feel qualified or permitted or sanctioned to go for our own pleasure.
That’s a huge mistake from a guy-strategy point of view, I eventually learned. For one thing, it’s exhausting and nerve-wracking, and what’s fun or sexy about that? For another it keeps putting the girl in the “judge” role.
A much more useful attitude (for her sake as well as your own, speaking to guys here) is to look out for your own fun and pleasure. Be open to her — after all, that’s why you’re with her at this moment. If the event is going to be more rewarding than jerking off you do need to be aware of your partner. Have fun messing with her body and her feelings! Register her as a person, at least a little!
All that said: Don’t make the mistake of obsessing about her pleasure, and don’t over-fret whether she’s having a good time. Assume she’s a grown-up and is looking out for her own needs and desires. If she wants to get off, if she really wants to, she’ll take care of it, hopefully by inviting you into the process. If she’s sitting back with a kind of “show me your stuff” attitude, well, I can semi-imagine some guys at certain (very young) ages finding that kinda hot. But generally speaking, the hell with her. You aren’t there to impress her. You’re there to have a good time, and you’re expecting her to be an equal participant in the event.
Think of it as, say, getting together with a gal to play a couple of hours of tennis. You’re there to have a good time together. If she shows up and instead of getting out on the court sits down on a chair and tells you to impress her first, then something’s amiss. The wrong messages were sent, or maybe this chick simply is a drag. You should be expecting her to get out on the court and swat away (and sweat, and get into it) every bit as hard and with every bit as much gusto as you do. You need somehow to make it clear to her that a fun couple of sweaty hours on the court swatting balls around together is what you’re there for. If she has any trouble with this notion … it’s up to her to explain what the hell is going on.
Short version: “impressing the chick for hours with your prowess and enthusiasm, and then grabbing five minutes for your own pleasure”: big mistake. And a major drag by the time you hit 25. It’s exhausting. You’ll wind up having a lot of adventures that leave you thinking “I put up with hours of babble and obsessiveness and spent tons of dough and energy all so I could get my rocks off? It ain’t worth it.”
Meanwhile: expecting her to be a full participant, one who’s operating under her own steam (she’s chosen to be here, in this situation, at this moment, for her own reasons, which may or may not be fun to go into) … A much better way to go.
Old joke. “How do you make a woman cum?” Answer: “Who cares?!”
OK, it’s a little crude. But it does convey a bit of the “her pleasure is her responsibility, not mine” attitude some guys need to take on.
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Saying any of the following in the course of a conversation, sometimes with a half-serious grin to blunt the impact,
bingo.
one cannot overestimate the importance of this half-serious grin (or its equivalents); if you deliver ‘i’m not interested in that’ or ‘i’m going to change the subject now’ in a complete deadpan, you have immediately exiled yourself to the autistic spectrum.
practice with a mirror.
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The fact that Candy Cane keeps changing her name every day but people keep figuring out it’s her is pretty funny. It also hints that she might have some kind of personality disorder probably stemming from or resulting with her issues with men. I’m guessing some kind of sexual abuse but some guy she trusted. I’m just glad she doesn’t have kids
Oh wait she does….. shit, never mind.
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Sara isn’t entirely wrong, you know. There are many young women who are so unsure of themselves that you ought not to use this kind of approach on them. It’s not that they wouldn’t fall for it; it’s that they might take it too seriously, and assume a greater degree of interest on your part than you actually feel. I suppose that women who spend time in clubs must be aware that most of the men there are not going to be looking for more than a casual encounter, but if you’ve met in another context – perhaps she’s a fellow-student or co-worker – then the possibility that she might be confused about your intentions increases exponentially, if she’s not accustomed to “game”.
Why should you care? Well, even assuming that you’re entirely heartless (and I hope that most of the men who read this are not), as I’ve said here before, an angry woman can make a man’s life miserable in any number of different ways, without ever breaking the law. Moral: if you’re not playing for keeps, make certain she gets the message early on.
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, as I’ve said here before, an angry woman can make a man’s life miserable in any number of different ways, without ever breaking the law.
and even if she does break the law, the probability that the law will look the other way is very near 100%.
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Maeby,
Damn; I thought I was thorough. Oh well.
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What if someone wants to apply his technique of qualifying women toward meeting a woman for a long-term relationship?
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But it won’t get you love which is of a much higher value.
wrong, sara.
the feelings that lead one to want sex is a necessary requisite for romantic love.
have you seen a therapist like i recommended?
PA: What if someone wants to apply his technique of qualifying women toward meeting a woman for a long-term relationship?
still the same. a man has to pickup the woman first before he can decide whether to stick with her.
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She’ll be in chase mode, which is where girls WANT to be despite what they may claim to the contrary.
I think it’s just that guys and girls like to chase different things. Guys like to chase sex, while girls like to chase approval.
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Thanks, and I agree with your post.
I was replying to Crystal Conf, who thinks your advice is only applicable to guys who are looking for pumps-n-dumps.
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Many Nicknames: you’re all over the place. and I don’t know how to respond to you.
What he is saying, and Clio is confirming, is that it’s important for a man to act like he’s a challenge, and not like a tail-wagging puppy. This ensures both a successful pick-up and a happy marriage.
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PA
he says “The way to defeat her at her own game is not to accept her terms of engagement at all.”
“The way to defeat them at their own game…” “The way to defeat them….” Like wanting to have a man who loves and respects her, may marry her, impregnate her, and be a father to their children, and be with her till death do them part, is a game that he must defeat her at. I’m not saying this is what all women want or should want but he makes no allowances for that at all.
The must be defeated at all costs. He does not give a crap what they’re intentions might be. Of course, that is not really his responsibility, it’s hers and therein lies the problem for her. If she’s insecure (too many are) she’ll twist herself into a pretzel to please him thinking THAT will get her what she wants. What she’ll get is ‘welcome, please wipe your feet’ across her back. So this will “work” in the short term for sure, but it will not get either what they truly want. In my humble opinion.
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“have you seen a therapist like i recommended?”
Of course, I called one the minute you gave the word. Give me a break. If someone disagrees with you, they need a therapist. I have seen a therapist before; have you? What have you read that’s of any intrinsic value? Do you have any philosophy besides game theory or any guiding wisdom you follow?
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Now that the thread has been hijacked, I’ll have my go. Candy Cane is very simple to understand; all of her reactions and statements are based on three things:
1) Her intuition which is tuned into trying to find a natural alpha. In a comment on some other post she said that she found viagra repulsive and couldn’t say why; this is an example. She knows that if a man gets a strong, hard stiffy he’s healthy and reacts with revulsion to any thought that that signal could be faked. Game is the same thing in her view; it’s viagra for personality.
2) A complete lack of empathy for men in any way. This one is simple; if you’re going to reject dozens of men a week it would be psychologically draining if you could empathize with them in any way. This one she shows in almost every post but here a really good example is this:
Any animal can have sex. So fuck away, I’m just giving my opinion.
and
Does it work to get insecure women to drop their panties? Probably. Big deal.
She’s unable to get it into her head that getting laid is a big deal for men. She can’t imagine being different than what she is: a woman, and hence a person who doesn’t approach but gets approached. Her whole “game is bad because it takes away the magic” attitude comes from this. She thinks that there’s some contradiction there because she doesn’t realize that men are in a different situation, specifically that you can’t have a relationship with a girl if you can’t get her into bed.
3) She’s really really bad at logic. She’ll fall for any snake oil selling guru as long as he talks about “spirituality”.
She’s here and reacts so strongly to him because she’s afraid that if men knew the stuff that he talks about then she’d wake up one morning and the cum running down her leg wouldn’t be from the dominant alpha who ignores her crazy bullshit because he’s strong enough to not a give a fuck but would be from some beta who acted that way because he figured out that that’s the way he’s supposed to act. Then she’d have to figure out new ways of testing guys and since she didn’t figure out her old ways but kind of hit on them by accident, she’d have no idea what to do.
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CC: Lots of people disagree with him and don’t sound like they need a therapist.
I don’t understand your antagonistic attitude on this blog. Your endless, quarrelsome points are starting to be like spam I’m trying to ignore.
I miss David Alexander taking over a discussion. At least his points are calm in tone, lucidly written, and sometimes insightful.
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16 Steve
I’ll just take this one point and respond.
“she doesn’t realize that men are in a different situation, specifically that you can’t have a relationship with a girl if you can’t get her into bed.”
Sorry, but this is completely ridiculous. It’s unfortunate that you feel this way, because women go for sex way too soon in an effort to bag a man (let’s face it, most want one LONG term and do not want to be the subject of a pump and dump) only to find themselves extremely attached to someone they barely know and certainly do not know well enough to trust. Chemical attachment is not a relationship. It is a rare woman who can overcome her biology and still think clearly after sex, though they do exist. Like I said; rare.
The woman you barely knew before sex, you will never know after sex as her hormones go crazy and I’m not going to waste my time trying to explain it again. You’ve got your mind made up that he is the guru and you’re sticking with what he says.
If I had a therapist I’m sure he/she would ask me why I waste time on this site at all. When I disappear completely, that’s when you’ll know I’m cured. ((((((^_^;)
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sara: If she’s insecure (too many are) she’ll twist herself into a pretzel to please him thinking THAT will get her what she wants. What she’ll get is ‘welcome, please wipe your feet’ across her back.
please stop generalizing from your own personal history.
not all women are equivalent to your former self in the former relationship that you just love to tell us all about.
the spectrum from bitchy superiority to pretzel-twisting is analog, not digital: there are plenty of comfortable shades of gray between black (she makes all the rules) and white (she’s a pretzel).
—
side point: every word you write about your past indicates that in your early twenties, you, like virtually all other nubiles, would have fallen for ‘game’ hook, line, and sinker, and that you’ve only become a player hater as the decades have marched onward.
cf. his point about forgetting what it’s like to be a younger woman.
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16 Steve
You forgot…
4) she desperately wants him to ravage her.
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Damn you 😉
I definitely get much more interested as a guy tells me I am gaining or losing “points” depending on what I’m sharing about myself. It intrigues me because it gives me tiny glimpses of who he is and what he’s into while also allowing me to talk about myself (and whether we admit it or not, we like talking…. about ourselves. Or at least I do). Of course, this only works when I am interested in the guy because if I’m not interested in him, I don’t really care if he thinks we’ve got a lot in common, if I’m “up” to his standards or whether he thinks we will mesh well.
Bottom line: If I’m going up to someone to start a convo, I am interested to some degree. I DO start asking questions to “quailify” the guy, because I want to see if I’m feeling more than just his physical appearance. As soon as he starts challenging me and my likes/dislikes, it’s on. If I’m into him, I want him to be into me back!
Fantastic post. All truth, and while I hate the thought of having game run on me, a guy who has good game isn’t found out because I’m too busy being girlie and sweet because his game is working.
If I’m feeling a guy, I want him to be wanting me back and it’s pretty simple from there. If this makes me young, insecure and silly, then okay, I’ll take it. I’m just glad I don’t think that guys need to be crucified for “gaming” us. Any girl who pretends she doesn’t have her own ways to try to get a guy interested is lying. With every pair of stilettos that make my legs look a little longer, with each pair of jeans that make my ass look phenomenal and with my arm brush or graze against the guy I’m looking at, I am trying to gauge his interest, while informing him of mine. Yes, women dress for other women to an extent, but we also dressed to be noticed. And in dressing up and presenting ourselves as the “whole package”, we are choosing which men are “worthy” of us and then trying to see if we”ve piqued their interest, which really is seeing if they have qualified us as being worthy of their time.
Surely guys can do the same by running a little game. Besides, a little game never hurt anyone. Where feelings get hurt and people get misunderstood is when there is a lack of communication about what each party is looking for in said encounter. Keep it real and you get what you see. Nothing more, nothing less.
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i can’t see how you’re good at dating. opening game yes, when you’re building rapport. but beyond that? i can’t see how a high value woman would be interested in you. the irony is, you talk about truisms and yet you refuse to acknowledge that women want the protector/provider. you want the gatherer woman yet beyond your initial seduction, you fail to be the hunter.
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love advice
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impressive and very useful piece of post… 🙂
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The most successful approach I’ve ever seen was a guy I know who had been former special forces and operated behind enemy lines . He radiated a calm but coiled masculinity which had been hard won in real life. When he was at a gathering he would just stand in one place and women would just seem to gather around him like bees around honey. He always seemed to be ‘looking into the distance’ and thus when he did make eye contact with a women, she started flushing with excitement. He never went on about anything, just answered with a few words. When he did ask a women a question, it always seemed to penetrate because it was not part of some game. He never radiated threat or menace, but power, very deep power. I think women felt that he could protect them from anything without his saying a thing.
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Sigh. This whole, “qualify yourself,” technique (which is NOT new) is how you find a sucker. The person who will work for your approval doesn’t have the confidence to self-evaluate. That’s not a great partner for anything more than the short term. And that applies to both sexes.
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That equates looks, boobs and outfits with control over men.
false premise. game is not about control over women. only a spiteful man-hater like yourself would want to believe that.
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“The person who will work for your approval doesn’t have the confidence to self-evaluate.”
Must agree with that. I believe if a woman did put out efforts to gain his approval, he would not respect her. In my opinion, he may think he wants that, but in fact does not; long term anyway.
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“false premise. game is not about control over women. only a spiteful man-hater like yourself would want to believe that.”
Women perceive game, as practiced by otherwise unworthy men, to be deceptive and manipulative. Game deceives the filters such women have in place to weed out unworthy men. Game is also manipulative because it uses the instincts of such women against their owners.
Short answer: Women perceive game as “unfair”.
Yet like anything else in life, something is only considered unfair because the person complaining doesn’t have a way to defend against it.
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38 Jay
“something is only considered unfair because the person complaining doesn’t have a way to defend against it.”
The whole problem is feeling such a need to defend oneself in the first place. And don’t kid yourself. Many women successfully protect themselves from game, either by becoming expert readers of body language, or keeping their legs crossed.
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Killer list- the woman, no matter how beautiful or accomplished, should do things to gain your approval- not have all the cards in her hand.
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“women against their owners.”
Their owners?
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