Philosophically I’m very anti-PDA even though because of my higher than average sexual energy it’s hard for me to keep my paws off a girl I like, no matter how public or family-oriented the venue. I like to squeeze, knead, and fondle, and sometimes I don’t have the patience to wait until we get home.
If you observe alphas with their dates or girlfriends you’ll notice they almost never do PDA. Usually they’re the ones leaning back, keeping their hands to themselves, looking around their environment, while their women are always darting in for a kiss or putting an arm around a waist. An alpha gives the impression of tolerating his woman’s public affections like a shark tolerates a remora fish cleaning it off. And their women secretly like it this way.
The guys who are all over their girlfriends in public — and I mean all over in the nuzzling, cuddling, pucker mouth kisses way, not the slap-her-ass-hard way — are nearly always betas who are happy to have a girl in their lives and can’t help but express their gratitude. When you hardly ever eat, you feast like a pig at the trough and gorge yourself not knowing when your next meal is coming. This, of course, is self-defeating because it kills the girl’s attraction.
I had a friend who would bury his head in his girlfriend’s lap and stick his ass up in the air like a cat having its back stroked. Beta to the core.
For the first time in my life, I got kicked out of a venue for excessive PDA. The management of this place disapproved of my romantic tonguedowns and ass cuppings. My sexual aura radiates powerfully and must be kept hidden from public exposure where it can do no harm.
You are setting up a false dichotomy between some “alpha” (read: PUA) and a loser.
A true Alpha Dog has no problem expressing his emotions. There is a great scene in Patton where George C. Scott, Patton, sees a soldier that had just died leaning against a tank. Knowing the Hell that he, and they, had been through, and what he did for America, Patton gets down on one knee and gives the guy a kiss on the forehead. No punk or self-described Alpha would have said a damn thing to him at that moment or any other.
One time when I was at work I was on the phone with my then girlfriend. Well, I worked witha lot of girls, and a few guys, and they could hear my end of the conversation. And they would hear me say, “OK, Baby…Yeah, me too….I will pick you up at 6…What’s that cutie…Alright, I love you” There was some more than that, but that was the basic gist.
When I spoke to her, I had a big smile on my face. I knew that she liked public affection (and she knew what I liked) and I gave it to her, in spades.
The guys looked at me in astonishment. These guys were no stranger to busting balls, and they just sat back.
It was the girls who immediately started busting my balls! You could tell that they were trying to break me. Trying to get me to cower, to be ashamed of what I had just done.
I sat back, smiled, and enjoyed the show they were putting on. Within 5 minutes, you should have seen the looks the girls were giving me. I could have fucked any one of them. My boss used to refer to them as my harem.
Pick-up Game and Love Game are two different things.
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Once again, similar findings in Goa.
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Also, PDA is in part about signaling ownership of the girl — you’ve surely noticed that when you sit down near a couple where the guy is a loser, he suddenly puts his arm around her, gives her a series of quick kisses, etc.
If the bf is less of a loser, he wouldn’t do those things. His body language, facial expressions, etc. would say he’d track you down like an animal if you tried to seduce his girl.
This is really PDA-lite, though. “Ownership PDA” usually doesn’t involve fondling, long tongue kisses, etc.
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if your game is tight pda shouldnt kill it (imo) -personally though.. im not a huge fan
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Like a lot of things, it’s all about intent. If you’re doing (light) PDA to spontaneously signal affection, that’s fine. If you’re hanging off a girl in the hopes that your attention will make her like you better, that’s a problem.
The obvious question: If you consider it so beta, why were you doing it? And why to such an extent as to get yourself thrown out of a place? Were you finger-blasting her in plain sight?
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Thanks for the great info. I have a question though, will PDA kill your chances if you’re a dark skin Indian and you really want to date a fair skin woman? What about if you’re being attacked by sharks after having been left in the open sea by your dive operator? On the whole, you might be right — PDA is definitely beta while you’re forceably digging for diamonds under guard of some armed thugs.
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It’s all about the DDA: dominant displays of affection. Hair pulling, choking, etc.
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one thing to be especially careful of is the position of your hand on the girl’s back.
about 2 inches too high and you’re telling her how much you want to be her friend; about 2 inches too low, and it’ll seem that you’re going for the public ass grab but aren’t man enough for the unexpected firm public ass grab/slap (which is always acceptable in moderation).
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#7 dchero It’s all about the DDA: dominant displays of affection. Hair pulling, choking, etc.
this is why short haired women should be required to wear leashes: there should always be something to pull (not to mention that it chokes at the same time – 2 birds 1 stone)
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The guys who are all over their girlfriends in public — and I mean all over in the nuzzling, cuddling, pucker mouth kisses way, not the slap-her-ass-hard way — are nearly always betas who are happy to have a girl in their lives and can’t help but express their gratitude.
They can’t be low Betas, or Omegas if you prefer that term, because then they wouldn’t have girlfriends at all.
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I disagree. While probably not the the smoochie-poo you’re referring to, PDA can very well mean “I want you now, and I’m going to have you right here, and I don’t give a fuck who’s watching.” If a girl’s willing to let you finger-bang her from behind in the middle of the dance floor, I don’t think she’s getting the vibe you’re a sissy.
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hehehe…i like an occasional show of excess…
“Biff…I really like you…you have your very own bowling ball and glove..I am going to touch your ass now…”
Lollapalooooza?
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It’s impossible to put all PDA’s into one category as Alpha, Beta, good, or bad. Extensive knowledge of body language must be utilized in all cases.
The way a man holds/touches a woman can say something very positive in regards to his feelings for her, or something very negative. A hug is not a hug. Depends on the type of hug. How high up on her body is he hugging her? Around the neck or at the waist? The neck hug is more controlling and possessive. the waist hug is more likely true affection.
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I agree with Reggie. intent is everything. the thrust of the argument is, I think, spot on. many betas dote on their women in public for the reasons he stated. however, there so are many exceptions that I don’t think we can conclude that “no PDA” is the rule without adding qualifiers regarding intent.
for example, I was at the horse races a couple years ago with my girl. I was hanging out about 10 yards away from her, talking with some friends while some poser was trying to chat her up. I let it go on for a while before walking over, slapping her ass, grabbing her waist, pulling her to me, and licking her ear. I then stared homeboy down, to let him know what was up. he quickly lost interest. in my opinion, what I did was a territorial pissing, which is an alpha thing to do.
I also remember a time about 8 years ago where a similar thing happened but I was on the other end. there was this really hot chick at the bar I was at, hanging out with her boyfriend. for whatever reason, after being at the club for a couple hours, I looked up and saw them sucking face–but her bf was totally staring right at me while smooching his hot ass gf. I figured one attempt at alpha-dogging deserves another, so I marched right over and said something to the effect of, “Can I make out with your girl bro?”
“What?”
“Well, you’re so busy staring at me while you’re kissing her that I kinda got the impression you’re not that into her.” from there I went into some Clubber Lang-esque “if your woman wants a real man, send her to my apartment” bit, which resulted in a fist fight. I pretty well got my ass kicked, but left with self-respect intact, all because of a PDA.
also, I’m sure many of us have been in situations where you’re so drunk and/or wound up that it makes perfect sense to hit the ass (or at least begin shameless, crotch-rubbing heavy petting) RIGHT THEN AND THERE. it’s like saying, “I’m getting mine and I don’t give a shit about anyone’s sensitivities or approval.” = alpha.
Usually Lurking: your Patton reference is comparing apples to oranges. those men had just been through a war, the most alpha of all manly endeavors. this bonds men to one another like nothing else can. showing some love to a comrade who helped keep you alive doesn’t in any way correlate to any aspect of dating.
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Jewcano
I disagree. While probably not the the smoochie-poo you’re referring to, PDA can very well mean “I want you now, and I’m going to have you right here, and I don’t give a fuck who’s watching.” If a girl’s willing to let you finger-bang her from behind in the middle of the dance floor, I don’t think she’s getting the vibe you’re a sissy.
My rule of thumb:
PDA & they haven’t fucked yet -> non-beta (club hookups, socially unacceptable levels of public foreplay on a first or second date, etc.)
Guy has hit it for more than a month (to give it some time for that intoxicating newness to dissipate) -> Attempting to mark his woman
A guy can mark his woman in a beta or non-beta way; it’s like everything else.
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Maybe it was the PDA plus the fact that you were fisting her in plain view of everyone….. just a thought
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Oh come on, VK!!!…
A lady goes into the BATHROOM of the bowling alley. Sheesh.
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Something I find very Beta and see it frequently is when a guy is walking down the street with his arm over the girl’s shoulder or around her waist, as though she was about to fly away.
It can be OK do walk like that if you’re walking slowly through a park but if you’re walkin gto get somewhere, ratehr than strolling, it’s an awkward way to walk, especially when the sidewalk of the mall is crowded.
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Good topic.
I found that PDA was very common among 20-something white couples, and invariably it was the female who initiated it.
I also found this phenomenon: whenever I would look at an attractive girl with a guy, even stealing a glance for a microsecond, she would glance over to me and then would almost invariably initiate a round of PDA with her boyfriend, as if to say, “That’s right, you pathetic loser, I’m hot and I’m taken, so take a big eyeful at what you’re missing and don’t cream your pants!”
And I think this was being done by the women for auto-validation, not necessarily to hurt feelings — although for many women, the two are very much connected.
I find that this kind of female-on-male PDA is much less common among the same demographics in other parts of the country (e.g. here on the west coast).
And in my travels in Europe, I find it’s just the opposite — the men would almost always initiate.
I’ve had girlfriends who were big PDA enthusiasts, and some who would never think of it.
My horniest-ever girlfriend, who I dated here in Las Vegas in 2001-2003, would grab parts of my body in public and say, in my ear, “I’m gonna attack you tonight!”
Don’t know why I initiated the breakup with that girl, her PDAs were the biggest ego-booster ever.
But that kind of thing could only ever happen to me in Las Vegas… never in DC, where I was never alpha enough for the average uber-demanding DC chick.
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Not only do I disagree, but it would seem that he’s declaring himself a true beta by his definition.
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Given how much you guys like to look at other people’s actions I gotta question the statement that most PUAs make about how everyone is always paying attention to themselves and too busy to see you screw up.
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Can I just say that reading this blog makes me happy I am not a man. NO way can I put myself through so many changes just to sl.eep with someone. An act that is over in 15 minutes at most.
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22 Chic Noir
15 minutes?
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anti-pda? since when?
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It IS about dominant display. I know a guy who doesn’t just hug girls he runs into who he previously banged, he caresses their crotches. He’s really good at doing it when the girl’s back is turned to the group so she thinks no one is looking…but everyone is looking.
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Long story short, if one wants to avoid being a herb, one needs to act like Cary Grant in “Suspicion.”
Calling a 10 “monkey face” will definitely make you stand out from the usual pack of losers.
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An alpha gives the impression of tolerating his woman’s public affections like a shark tolerates a remora fish cleaning it off. And their women secretly like it this way.
Great. Belongs in your book.
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LOL at some of these e-badass stories and proud statements of “marking your territory.”
If the girl you’re with has any respect for you, she won’t take any advances by another dude seriously anyway (and will often quickly escape them herself.)
The less you act like you cared about it, the better you’ll come off to her (as long as the other guy wasn’t doing something that clearly crosses the line.)
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This article is overgeneralising the concept of PDA. First of all, I need to point out that “Privacy” is only an illusion and thus there is no fine line which makes a display of affection “public.” Some may say at a crowded beach in a secluded area would be “private” enough for them, while others would consider making out in the same room with their friends or roommates to be public. And in spite of this relativity, consider that, before homo sapiens started living in fully enclosed dwellings, all physical intamacy was publicly heard and viewed by anyone in the tribe/village/settlement.
So the problem with PDAs is not that they are in public, but that they are often DoBs (Displays of beta-ness). Who says that an Alpha male doesn’t need to, want to, can’t or schouldn’t get physical with a consenting woman in public view? I can tell this is largely just keybord-jockeyism because you used weasel words like “Usually,” “Nearly Always,” and “Almost never.”
You well explained the reasoning behind the difference between and Alpha and Beta PDA behaviour; that the Beta cherishes his tme with a women because it may be his last in a long time while the Alpha knows he can PDA whenever, and doesn’t need to do it constantly. However, you need to realize that Alphas are not superhuman; they have physical and emotional feelings just like evryone else. But they are also in control of their lives such that they can give a woman the gift of intimacy freely, not because they are fulfilling their unmet needs (or attempting to compensate for many dry years before), but because they want to enjoy the moment and have fun with a woman.
My point is that you CAN engage in petting/rubbing/kissing/cuddling/snuggling/hugging/hand-holding/caressing/stroking or sensuous activity that is legal in public, and still be Alpha. The behavioural difference in Alpha PDA is simply the lack of neediness. For example:
– Cuddling up on-and-off (and being the one to decide when)throughout a movie instead of staying cuddles up and praying she doesn’t uncuddle from you.
– Same with holding her hand lightly while walking.
– Maintaining upright/laid back posture, pulling the girl in close instead of leaning into/onto her.
– Resting your hand around her waist casually instead of trapping her shoulders under your arm.
– Sitting her down on your lap instead of scooting close up next to her to cop max feel.
– Spontaneously making out for a few minutes here and there instead of hanging from her lips until she pulls away or you get tired.
You get the idea.
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