I went to a speed dating event here in DC with my date and one of her girlfriends. The idea was that we would have some over-the-top fun with it while practicing our flirting skills on a maximum number of targets in a minimum amount of time in order to keep our game sharp. (Lord knows this is much easier for women to do. Their game amounts to cleavage.) We would pretend not to know each other. A side benefit from surreptitiously watching each other work the magic with other speed daters would be heightened sexual arousal that would resolve itself later in the night in panty-shredding lust. Kink alert in full effect.
We devised the questions we would ask our four minute “dates”. She wanted to see how much she could get away with so these were the questions with which she was going to pepper her speed suitors:
How much do you gross per year?
What kind of car do you drive?
Where do you see yourself in five years?
Can you support me so I don’t have to work?
How many cleaning ladies do you think is reasonable?
What kind of engagement ring would you get me?
How much would you allot to spend on our wedding?
What would you like to name our first born?
What does your stock portfolio look like?
If my mother gets sick, can she come live with us?
How many cats do you think is normal?
Do you mind if I hang a portrait of my cat in the living room?
I’m a scientologist. Would you be willing to convert for me?
What were your SAT scores?
What was your standing as far as getting picked in gym class?
She even wanted to bring a Barbie and Ken, give them to the guy, and say, “now act out how we would resolve an argument.”
I admit I laughed at these. If the victims guys were smart, they’d play along and say things like “I have one whole cent in my stock portfolio!” Most likely, they’d get defensive or answer straight. Speed dating crowds are that kind of people.
Since I wanted to join in the glib fun, I made up a list of questions I would ask my dates to see how far I could push my game past its barriers:
Are you flexible? How many yoga positions can you get in? How long can you keep them?
Are you confident enough to go bra-less?
Do you like sex in public?
Are you comfortable with the idea of having yourself photographed nude?
Can you suck a thick milkshake through a straw?
Are you good a good cook? (actually, i use this one a lot)
You’re not a prude, are you?
How do you feel about housework in the nude? (Seinfeld nixes it.)
Are you cool with threesomes?
Would you consider yourself experimental in the bedroom?
Do you like to travel… to have sex in exotic locales?
Does looking at a cigar turn you on?
Unfortunately, neither of us got the chance to try out our souped-up conversational skills on unwitting speed daters. When we arrived, it was clear this was the saddest crowd of lonely hearts in all of DC. The women were mid-30s to mid-40s and older and looking every bit of it and the men, while older and, from the bits of conversation I overheard, successful professionals, made it worse for themselves by dressing in rumpled shirts like accountants on casual Friday and slumping in their chairs with the familiar drawn faces of those who have been beaten down by life. My date and her friend completely lost interest in sitting through even one second of this four minute dating of the damned, so we left as soon as we got our stick-on nametags. They should call it speed dying.
The impression I got walking by the tables of speed daters was the same I got when I first visited my grandmother at a nursing home — chamber of horrors. The rank miasma of bedraggled desperation, depression, and utter hopelessness was overbearing. It settled around me like a suffocating shroud of despair, sapping all the fun out of being alive.
There is nothing more pathetic and… alien… than a pre-menopausal aging childless woman throwing herself headlong into the chaotic vagaries of dating. When a woman doesn’t have children to nurture and raise by her early 30s she morphs rapidly into a sad and tragic creature — a shell entity of raging cynicism that can do no more than go through the motions — that no one wants to be around. Whatever is left of her innate femininity, beauty and sexiness is destroyed to dust by that point. And the men, despite their well-paying jobs as corporate lawyers, lobbyists, and policy analysts, seemed to have forgotten or never bothered to learn what it takes to attract a woman. Hint: waving a stable job and a fat paycheck ain’t it.
My advice to the guys who run these speed dating and related social events in DC: Stop charging $60 to $300 for your lameass glorified happy hours. I understand you’re all about making a buck, but when you set the price at airline ticket levels you will get those men who have nothing to offer but their money, and those women who want nothing else but those men who offer nothing but their money. End result: Older bitter women desperate for husbands and boring beta males desperate to slide comfortably into sexless soulless predictable suburban ennui. If you want to spice it up and attract a more diverse, fun crowd (read: younger), try a lower price range and more casually creative get togethers. But hey, it looks like you’ve cornered the niche market of schlubs and hags who’ll pay through the nose like clockwork every week seeing the same people over and over and hoping against hope that one more contrived event and another $100 will usher their soulmates through the door.
Tick tock and all that.
Verdict: *Shudder*
Brilliant. I enjoy going to speed dating events, mainly to sharpen certain aspects of my game or to lube up the social juices before a big night on the town. Plus every so often there is that one ‘diamond in the rough’ and it’s pretty easy to game her after she’s been asked the same chodely questions repeatedly in 4-minute increments throughout the night.
You summed up the atmosphere beautifully.
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It’s a business.
they make the most money for the least amount of effort.
that is all it is.
there is no matchmaker actually helping these poor people.
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I would help set up a free speed dating event. How hard could it possibly be?
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Stop charging $60 to $300 for your lameass glorified happy hours. I understand you’re all about making a buck, but when you set the price at airline ticket levels you will get those men who have nothing to offer but their money, and those women who want nothing else but those men who offer nothing but their money.
—
paraphrase:
‘stop bringing men of a certain type together with women who are looking for that exact type. and while you’re at it, lower your profits too.
all so i can meet more hb’s!’
what’s next? now that madonna basically makes happy hardcore, should she start charging $5 for a ticket so her concerts can serve you a nice buffet of 19 year old raver types?
your ego really does know no bounds, not that that is necessarily a bad thing.
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The impression I got walking by the tables of speed daters … rank miasma of bedraggled desperation, depression … It settled around me like a suffocating shroud of despair, sapping all the fun out of being alive.
A cautionary tale for women, that’s for sure.
But you twenty-something guys…. know thyself. Are you a charisma-dripping natural, like that bearded dude in the Dos Equis commercial, who will carouse with adoring nubiles well into his sixties?
Chances are you’re just an ordinary guy. Above-average in intelligence, below-average in looks and charm. That’s the impression I get from some of the commentators.
Then again, maybe you’ll age into a worldly lothario. But if you don’t and you’ve blown your shot at marrying a young girl with a good personality who loves you, you could always learn from a master:
“Hi, my name is George. I’m unemployed and I live with my parents.”
“Hi!” she says with eyes on fire, “I’m Victoria.”
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You HAVE to charge whatever the market will bear; this is America, and that’s the only marker of worth for most people. At least these people are getting exactly what they’re looking for, no matter that it strikes you as pathetic.
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Isn’t it more likely that most of the people in the over-30 age range attending a speed dating event are divorced rather than never-married?
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Speed dating events are terrible places to meet quality people unless the organizers pre-screen the participants by looks and money. This, of course, would cut down on the amount of money they make off such events, unless they charge BIG money (e.g., $500+) and can promise each gender that they will meet the person of their dreams (e.g., golddiggers want older sugar daddies, and older sugar daddies want mid-20s hotties). Seriously, what is the point of going to an event if you’re only going to meet people you don’t want to date?
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“At least these people are getting exactly what they’re looking for, no matter that it strikes you as pathetic.”
Only the female get what they were looking for. Not the men.
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“Speed dying,” LOL.
Re: attracting a younger crowd with lower charges — I wondered that when I went to a 21+ club, foolishly expect it to be mostly 20-somethings, as it is known as a cool club. Nope: average age was 29 at least, and exactly 1 four-set of 21 year-olds.
The 18+ clubs are nice because you get to meet lovely college girls.
But sometime, maybe not often, I’d like to be in a club where it’s mostly 22 – 25 year-olds. They are the hottest, if not the girliest. Sadly, there’s just no market for this kind of club — it would exclude college kids and not bring in enough as one that catered to 30-something professionals.
Ah well, there’s always the 18+ and de facto 16+ clubs.
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Well, it looks as if smiling at a man in the street (or in a pub, a shopping mall, or a park) is a better way to meet him than going to an event of this type, which sounds likelier to breed despair than happiness.
PA: Chances are you’re just an ordinary guy. Above-average in intelligence, below-average in looks and charm. That’s the impression I get from some of the commentators…
Just what I often find myself thinking.
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p.s. That was me, Clio, in No. 11, BTW.
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But sometime, maybe not often, I’d like to be in a club where it’s mostly 22 – 25 year-olds.
solution:
* take a trip to a town that is full of young blood, but is a dead end for most people past 25 or so. (santa barbara comes to mind, although i know that’s a long trip for you)
* find a 21+ club there.
* go.
glad i could help.
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Very well-written post. Artistic, even. I’m so impressed by the quality of this writing — esp. the graph that was quoted by posters — I have nothing to add.
I hope the Blowhards or someone link to this, because you speak profound truths about older childless women — which is ironic for me, since my older, childless ex keeps trying to make contact (and just did so again yesterday) even though she knows I’m taken.
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“Chances are you’re just an ordinary guy. Above-average in intelligence, below-average in looks and charm. That’s the impression I get from some of the commentators.”
Shiiiiit. I think you described two thirds of the guys that visit this site.
Clio, short answer is yes.
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Chances are you’re just an ordinary guy. Above-average in intelligence, below-average in looks and charm. That’s the impression I get from some of the commentators…
Just what I often find myself thinking.
The above-average intelligence part, that I can understand. But why the assumption that many commentators are lacking in the looks and/or charm department?
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Peter:
You really have to ask when it comes to the charm? Even if it’s mostly braggadacio, if most of these posters are even 5% as naturally abrasive as they play themselves to be online, then I would have to say they need game in order to get girls. I’m pretty abrasive myself, but it’s a lot easier for others to take when you don’t take it or yourself very seriously. Not giving a shit is one of the best life lessons I ever learned, of course that means that reading this blog is more for entertainment purposes than anything else.
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But why the assumption that many commentators are lacking in the looks and/or charm department?
Charm: personality does come through loudly even in a disembodying medium like blog commentary. And my impression is that many commentators are introverted and as Spike noted, abrasive and lacking in the kind of finesse in addressing women that comes naturally to others.
Looks: purely my gut feeling. Well, not purely. I’ve seen pics of a few blogworld commentators and some screamed “nerdorama!”
This perceived charisma dificiency applies only to some commentators — especially ones who write from behind an overcompensatory tough guy persona. On the other hand, I think that some ‘regulars’ here are pretty interesting and have a girlfriend or are married.
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When a woman doesn’t have children to nurture and raise by her early 30s she morphs rapidly into a sad and tragic creature — a shell entity of raging cynicism that can do no more than go through the motions — that no one wants to be around. Whatever is left of her innate femininity, beauty and sexiness is destroyed to dust by that point.
A man without children is fine, right? But “people” only want to be around women with children? Who are these people? How do they know which women have children? I am pretty sure that no one can tell, from a picture of Angelina, that she has five, and from a picture of Jen, that she has none. I’m also pretty sure that women are more than their reproductive organs – that life for women is more than a mere race to see who wipes up the most baby vomit.
Your arguments are sad, sad, sad. You weird little man.
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“A man without children is fine, right?”
Yes, because men are different than women. At least in the real world, outside women’s studies classes. Men do not grow up playing house and wanting kids.
“I’m also pretty sure that women are more than their reproductive organs – that life for women is more than a mere race to see who wipes up the most baby vomit.”
Then why do women fetishize all things child-related? Why the obsession with the bio-clock? Forget Roissy! Women themselves prove your point wrong.
“Your arguments are sad, sad, sad. You weird little man.”
Last refuge of a feminist: To insult the person when she doesn’t have an argument. It’s not our fucking problem that nature or god programmed women to have an want kids.
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5 PA – Lol, great reference. It really, really is all about confidence. I’d take a confident George over one of the guys from speed dating any day.
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There was a weird split on the West Coast, and oddly–although I met hundreds of women this way, and got hundreds of rejections–the two who were very interested were exactly the type of nerdy intellectual 7s I’d have been thrilled to meet under any circumstances. The general dynamic was that ALL the women threw themselves at the Alpha (tall, fit, muscular, wealthy & stylish clothing) who dominated the scene from the pre-dating bar convo onwards, and the women–the 5s, 6s, and 7s–marked time with the rest of us. (It’s true that like most dating services, there was bias towards women who *wouldn’t* naturally be approached by most men, who then OVERvalued themselves because of the context.) And there was always 1 HB10 in the lot.
The most sinister dynamic is the “fake successful opener” aspect of RushyDating, someone who is just marking time HAS to sit with you for four minutes, instead of just blowing you out. So you actually try your best for four minutes and never reach the MM “hook point” because the polite interest in your conversation is faked, and it would have been more merciful to blow you out. My most interesting conversation, in terms of opposing societal dictates of conventional attractiveness, was the one with a woman who was obviously deaf and reading lips, society’s vision of disability as automatic elimination be damned.
And the thing is, Clio, charm has to be learned, and you know that women have mastered the art of the “instant EWWW” so that men who lack confidence often don’t develop it, at least not intuitively, because they’re spending their time approaching and getting blown out. And if I am tough, it’s solely in a stoic kind of way.
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My comment quoted PA’s; I didn’t write the bit about posters here lacking in charm myself, but when I read his words, I found myself agreeing with him.
Anyway, didn’t mean to offend anyone.
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I’m a chameleon, as I suspect many others here are (these sites attract a certain type). So I’m as abrasive as I care to be online, when there are no social costs. In real life, I’m that abrasive when it counts, like debating in an academic setting, or shutting down losers who are making my girl friends feel uncomfortable.
Otherwise I’m incredibly charming and disarming, at least around girls (I’m not a guy’s guy), even ones I feel no attraction to. It’s definitely a more superficial charm, suited to flying under the radar or getting your foot in the door. Being pretty good-looking and dressing well doesn’t hurt either. (That’s something I’d never say in real life, but why mince words on the internet?)
Those who really eat up the content here are “people nerds,” adept at calculating and manipulative behavior. We’re not stupid enough to come off as abrasive in real life — how would we get close enough to people to get what we need from them? (Again, just not mincing words here.) Call it mild sociopathy, call it salesmanship, whatever.
I agree with the view that you get a hint at a person’s personality online, but for Roissy-readers, you have to take into account that most of them think and act as I said above, and that makes the online -> real-life inference a lot less reliable. There’s just no point of trying to blend in here.
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“I’m not a guy’s guy” – Agnostic
That’s because you have attention whore characteristics, which is usually more common to women and homosexuals.
“adept at calculating and manipulative behavior.”
Hence all the bravado and hoopla about being the virtuous protector of young girls that you secretly want to despoil.
“how would we get close enough to people to get what we need from them?”
Let us know when your friend-of-dumb-teenager strategy translates to anything meaningful, which I presume is what you’d want.
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What these events need is a real man that can talk about his 280 pounds of man, roack hard pecs, and steel forged nipples!
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Why waste time going to speed dating events? Does it really hone your skills or just make you feel superior? Have never been, will never go. Sounds perfectly awful.
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We do this kinda thing and it’s fun. We’ll go to a bar or singles happy hour and the game is that someone (friends) picks a character for you and you have to be in it for as long as you can. Last week, one of the girls picked “Economic Advisor to Latvia” for me. I came up with “voice-over model for petfood commercials for her.” Do you know how hard it is to make up Latvian? But it’s funny… one cute girl I talked with the whole night was nodding as I told her my last four years was spent in the capital, Dar Es Salam.
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Thanks for the heads-up, Roissy. It sounds like my money would be better spent on lap dances or pornography.
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28 Kasey
Are you serious? That is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard of. What is the point of “pretending” to be what you are not? Do you really have that much time to waste? Do you really have so little respect for other people’s time? What you find entertaining, someone else will find idiotic.
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“Chances are you’re just an ordinary guy. Above-average in intelligence, below-average in looks and charm. That’s the impression I get from some of the commentators.”
Also guilty as charged (ordinary guy). I am not sure how mutable this situation is (looks, in particular, do not morph easily) but it is interesting to see the thinking of people who are successful with the opposite gender.
At this point I rate the chances of eventual success as very low but it makes no sense not to try and figure some things out. At the very least, it was instructive to see many tactics that I have tried analyzed by Roissy. Yes, I fit his definition of a Beta. No, I won’t be too upset by this if a “happy beta” is a feasible outcome. 🙂
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31 JD
” Yes, I fit his definition of a Beta. No, I won’t be too upset by this if a “happy beta” is a feasible outcome”
Roissy and company are fond of writing off whole generations of women and at least half the male population. If you are beta you have every bit as much chance of happiness as roissy, and probably more because you won’t have such a huge opinion of yourself that no one could possibly live up to your unreachable standards.
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When a woman doesn’t have children to nurture and raise by her early 30s she morphs rapidly into a sad and tragic creature — a shell entity of raging cynicism that can do no more than go through the motions — that no one wants to be around. Whatever is left of her innate femininity, beauty and sexiness is destroyed to dust by that point.
It’s very likely that if those women were married with children, they’d be empty husks with no innate feminity, beauty, and sexiness. Seriously, have you seen what the average suburban mother looks like? From what I’ve seen, the urban-dwelling single women with no kids still looks leagues better than her married and tired counterpart.
Hint: waving a stable job and a fat paycheck ain’t it.
Well, if you’re a boring male sans game, the stable job and fat paycheck are essentially the only tools around to attract women. Hell, much of my bitching is probably because I don’t have the stable job and fat paycheck to “cover up” my beta male faults and behaviours.
Chances are you’re just an ordinary guy. Above-average in intelligence, below-average in looks and charm. That’s the impression I get from some of the commentators
Or in my case, below average in intelligence, looks, and charm.
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Dislike This Site, But Can’t Stop Reading
Like the name and me too.
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but I have learned some things about men from the posts and posters like Reggie 🙂
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32 princess puddle jumper
Yeah, I really do see happiness as the relevant metric.
That being said, as a younger man I certainly had a bad case of unrealistic standards. I think it is gone now but, in our modern culture, there is a real mythology about what real people and real relationships look like. I wonder if a lot of “alpha behavior” is not a quixotic quest for the perfect relationship.
“The perfect is the enemy of the good.” — Voltaire.
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phew i was worried i missed something amazing. just couldn’t make it with vegas hangover and all.
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In Roissy’s post, he said:
“it was clear this was the saddest crowd of lonely hearts in all of DC”
Has anyone else noticed what a sad group most *any* publicly-advertised singles/dating event/organization attracts? I’ve seen such things, where the attractive, even-keeled people walk in and then walk out soon afterward (if not immediately, within a few minutes or at least they don’t come back to a second event). My take on it is that there is a filtering effect: the people who have anything going for them remove themselves, leaving the rest (who have few alternatives to being home alone) to stay behind. A singles club is a singles club. Almost as masochistic as internet dating, at least for anyone who has much to offer.
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sounds like a business idea…
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Roissy, I am assuming that most young, attractive, well-adjusted people have no major difficulties in finding dates on their own. Speed Dating is guaranteed to fail for just that reason
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On a side note, since it’s been mentioned several times by several people, why do people automatically assume that since they post under an anonymous handle, they’re automatically safe from people making the connection to their off-line identity? I think the whole “I’m safely anonymous on the net because I cover my name and key biographical details well.” is a load of crock, particular when you use it as a cover to be abrasive as possible in a large range of forums. All it takes is someone with enough time to waste sifting through the internet archives and other online data banks, or enough knowhow to mine a site with a low enough security threshold to gain unique IP numbers and you’re screwed. Granted, you’ll probably never be in real deep shit if you get a online psycho with a grudge on your tail, but it’s easy enough to find some embarrassing thing on someone posted some time ago. Being online gives folks some freedom, but if you don’t play it shrewdly, it could bite you on your ass hard. It’s why I gave up on the “unbridled id online” thing a while back. It ain’t good security policy, and it ain’t healthy. Better just to let more of that stuff out in real life in a managable fashion. Doing it anonymously online is like jerking off to internet porn. You get off, but it’s no substitute for a real girl. The rush you get when telling someone exactly how you feel to their face is like fucking.
Note that I am not responsible for any punches you receive in doing so, or lost jobs for that matter, but hey, even losing a fight is better than pretending you won a fake headgame when they and everyone else probably didn’t even realize they were slighted by you in the first place. Not that watching other people posture ain’t fun. Hell, one of my top reasons for going out to a club every now and then is to watch people try to play headgames with each other. It’s just I don’t play that particular game for keeps anymore.
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You visited your grandmother? Beta. You should have made her work for your approval.
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36 JD
Agreed completely. Happiness is the only criteria. Was talking with a friend last night and we agree. We love girly men; girly unpretentious, what-you-see-is-what-you-get men. It doesn’t mean they look like girls or are gay of course. Just men who have hearts that function and treat us with respect, intelligence, humor, and a dose of realistic expectations. They know their own flaws and vulnerabilities and are not always trying to get the upper hand. Have had both alpha and beta. A combination is great. Am single at the moment, but that is what I’m looking for. A human being! Balance is what it’s all about. Voltaire-and you-are correct. Perfectionism is a life killer and love killer. What roissy often calls “alpha” looks more like “ass hole”, or worse; passive-aggressive beta, alpha or whatever. Enough with the labels.
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41 Spike
“All it takes is someone with enough time to waste sifting through the internet archives and other online data banks, or enough knowhow to mine a site with a low enough security threshold to gain unique IP numbers and you’re screwed.”
I have a PC, but am considering getting a Mac. According to what I read they are virtually hack proof….”..they can’t hack you .. you have a super secure apple firewall and a mac .. your fine .. if you had a bunch of windows machines I might be more worried ..also .. if your feeling paranoid .. just restart your cable modem .. when it comes back on you will have a different up address..”
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i was just watching kathy griffins show when she hosted the red carpet at the grammys…her style was very similar to your questions
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Gannon-seems to me that for a guy to admit to himself that he’s such a failure at meeting women that he tries speed dating, eHarmony, etc., will glom on to whatever he can find that maximizes his happiness, be it a 22-year old porn movie set fluffer or a 46-year old feminist ballbreaker. And that’s what these people are-failures without the “game”, charisma, looks or the confidence to meet people in more natural settings.
Though to go to one of these events while admitting that what they want is not there (according to your logic) would leave me wondering if they have ANYTHING going for them. Or do they not know that they’ll only be meeting people as damaged as them, not being as wise as you in the way these things work?
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Gannon-seems to me that for a guy to admit to himself that he’s such a failure at meeting women that he tries speed dating, eHarmony, etc., will glom on to whatever he can find that maximizes his happiness, be it a 22-year old porn movie set fluffer or a 46-year old feminist ballbreaker
If a guy is really such a failure, a prostitute is definitively the way to go. In Argentina, there are college girls who have two or three regular customers, such an arrangement is a much better choice.
Roosh and Roissy’s game tips are good, but there are two key issues most guys shouldn’t forget:
1: Be confident: being confident is 50% of game
2: Getting women is a number’s game. Most women won’t like you, but one out of every five might say yes. So the more women you try to game, the more succesful you will be.
Finally, if you are older, try to put yourself in situations where you might meet girls. In HS or college, that’s no problem. But after a certain age, let’s say 30, society will even try to block your access to young girls. If you work all day, how will you get access to HS or College girls? Go where the prey is.
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Todd M:
To a certain extent, yes, though what I’m talking about is mostly getting access to public or private logs stored on remote servers and not actual breaking and entering into your own computer. Also most business and government computers have pretty unique stamps that allow you to pinpoint the exact terminal being used by a person. In anycase, the best way to avoid being stung is not to act like an anonymous handle gives you free liscense to whack around various internet hornet’s nests.
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Spike,
If you shut off your modem for 15 minutes or so, it resets your Ip address. Won’t that throw someone off your tracks if they want to find out who you are? Is there another “stamp” beyond the IP addy I don’t know about?
(Not that I flame people, just asking…)
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That weird smiley face thingie in the above post was not intended — I had put a closed paren there.
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DOBA:
Well yes, doing that with a cable modem does do that (I’m assuming most of the time, I can’t say all the coms have the same protocol, or if there’s a unique EPROM built into the modem for the com’s own reference), but it’s not really the breach I’m trying to address here. It assumes you’re consistantly posting from home and popping your modem on and off after each usage. Lots of folks post from schools or work, where it’s pretty easy to do an exact trace once you have the numbers, also, even if you’re at home, most site consist of a full log record, so it becomes a matter of pattern recognition.
In any case, that’s the far rarer version. It was more common in the past when hackers and lugnuts took up far more of the net-user demographic, and standards were much looser, but nowadays you still have to be careful, not so much by people breaking the law to get data on you, but people willing to:
A. Sift through large amounts of net data to glean what they can knowing from certain parameters left in public postings. (Even if a site is long gone or you successfully erased a post, often the data is archived somewhere on the net). It takes days to weeks, but a nut with a vendetta over a net slight will do it, and he will find embarrassing shit eventually.
B. Pay for professional search services that can do all of the above and more given access to public records. You know background checks that businesses do on prospective hires? Anyone can buy those services. It’s actually not that expensive, and some specialize in net P.I. services.
Granted, I’m a bit on the paranoid side, but back when I was in high school I pretended I was some sort of hacker, played big man anonymously online and got my ass handed to me when my house got automated phone calls all hours of the night. Ever since then I’ve tried to keep my ears on the ground regarding this kind of stuff. I’ve given up trying to hide my identity completely. It’s just easier to not go around giving reasons to an audience of strangers to hate my guts.
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Spike,
Thanks for the info. I’d also recommend using a proxy server for privacy — although they sometimes don’t let you post thru them. YouHide is a good one.
I also find it funny the way people post personal things on Facebook and the like, never imagining a site like that could get hacked!
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DOBA:
That’s always a good idea, but the key is always *consistancy*. If you start doing it now using the same anonymous identity you used before, it’s next to useless. Someone can just hop in the wayback machine to find the info. There are connections humans will make that machines can’t.
Hah, back when facebook was first getting popular they had such a huge security hole that anyone with a little scripting knowledge could gain user access to every single account on the site. The sick thing is this *it took them two weeks to repair it after knowledge and automated scripts got out about it*.
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“There is nothing more pathetic and… alien… than a pre-menopausal aging childless woman throwing herself headlong into the chaotic vagaries of dating. When a woman doesn’t have children to nurture and raise by her early 30s she morphs rapidly into a sad and tragic creature — a shell entity of raging cynicism that can do no more than go through the motions — that no one wants to be around. Whatever is left of her innate femininity, beauty and sexiness is destroyed to dust by that point.”
Dude, what the…? Could you not afford us at least a “sometimes?” SOMETIMES when a woman doesn’t have children by her early 30’s, she becomes sad and tragic, etc. SOMETIMES. Some of us are still doin’ all right, thanks. Geez.
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[…] have long contended that one of the reasons speed dating sucks (besides the surfeit of cougars) has to do with the retarded system organizers use requiring men to […]
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[…] 30, 2009 by roissy Speed dating sucks, but if you’re set on attending speed dating events make sure you know beforehand that the […]
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Speed dating sucks because of women like you, you all come with bunch of gfs who are not really interested to meet , but just how you put it , practice your “flirting” skills, and even though you meet some guy who might spark your interests, your ugly gf would make you do whatever they can to ley that person go, since they don’t want to be stuck single alone.. lots of women come with other women just to see what it is, 2-3 hours go by they are already chatting with someone else at the bar or leave the place to go somewhere else, cause THEIR “NOT SO ATTRACTIVE FRIENDS” bored or feel like they are not getting the attention they want..
If you want to meet someone , come alone and take this thing serious.
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You are brilliant. I loved the questions and I wish I had been one of you victims. Sounds like good, campy fun. I always wanted to try speed dating. It sounds like it would be something. Now, I’m not so sure.
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Hi, I know that this was written some time ago, but I want to say thank you! I am an event planner and a client approached me to do a speed dating event. I am a little apprehensive as I do not think that Speed dating is effective. Reading your post gave me some clarity as to how to make my event more succuessful. By now I hope you married the girl that you took to this event! 🙂
Cheers!
DeJa Belle
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I think the event is something worthwhile doing…. Kind of like sky diving. There are a lot of things that you can learn. I’ve been to a few and as you think you have the entire room, its surprising who actually chooses you. It is totally random, sometimes you get halve the room, sometimes you get no one. When you get no one it feels like a punch to the gusts by a boxer. So I feel sorry for people that constantly get no one. I’ve also seen some girls showing up every time, after asking the organizers about this they said that this is quite common as they are looking for Mr Right. For people that use speed dating as their only hope I encourage to get out and about and join activity groups and start talking to people. A good example is a friend of mine that has little arms like the guy from scary movie that touched the cake… He met his wife and they are happily married, she also has this disorder and they met through support groups. Now, in psyche, if one person tells you that you are a looser, no problem, you just think that they are crazy… If 20 people tell you that you are a looser, that does some irreparable damage to the soul, so maybe a smart therapist can go and advertise there… X-D
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Just want to say what a great blog you got here!
I’ve been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to show my appreciation of your work!
Thumbs up, and keep it going!
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[…] 6% number suggests that speed-dating as a form of meeting women kind of sucks, but it may compare favorably to meeting women in bars if the bar lay rate is less than 6%. That […]
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don’t let this article completely discourage you from speed dating. there may be many of these hopeless masses but not everyone there is pathetic. my friend met his wife at a speed dating event and they have been married for years now (and she seems pretty “normal” to me).
i’m sure it’s still twice as good as the crappy online dating sites. at least people are meeting face to face.
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