It’s time to reveal the Craigslist ad I use to successfully pick up chicks online. This isn’t a template; it’s pretty much word for word what I post in the M4W section to entice women into my lair. I’m giving it away freely for you to learn from as I have moved on to more direct game.
******
Want it from behind while you play Super Mario Brothers ? – m4w
Date: 2008-07-02, 2:35PM EDT
You must know your way around the game before we meet, must be open to anal sex, also able to fake an orgasm is a plus.
I will send you the address to a hotel and a room number. When you arrive the door will be open. Please come in close and lock the door and close the shades if they are still open. I will be in the bathroom and the door will be closed. Turn on the TV and the Nintendo. Remove all of your clothing. Turn off all lights in the room and kneel down on the bed so you are directly in the light of the TV. You need to be facing the TV with your butt in the air pointed toward the pillows on the bed.
Press the start button on the controller when you are ready. I will hear the sound and turn the light off in the bathroom and come out. You will not look directly at me, only look at the TV. When the first level starts I will begin to finger you and lick you. I will be using lots of lube as well.
When you reach the end of level one, make sure to trigger the fireworks. This is vital to the entire experience. I must hear the fireworks. When level 2 begins and Mario walks into the pipe, I will penetrate you. You may say things like, “MORE”, “HARDER”, “YES”, “FUCK ME”, but nothing else. I will continue having sex until the level ends. DO NOT take the secret level skip. If you die I will pull out and spank you until the level restarts.
When you reach the flag you must again trigger the fireworks, and also orgasm. I will pull out. When the 1-3 starts I will penetrate your ass. You are allowed to say something like “OH GOD”, “YES”, OR “IT HURTS” no other conversation is allowed.
When level 1-4 starts I will alternate between holes as I see fit. You may beg me to cum inside or outside of you, depending on what you want. When boss falls and you reach the princess I will pull out and blow my load where you have convinced me I want too. You may then say something like “Thanks”, “It was great”, “I loved it”, “Don’t stop”
If I am impressed you may continue playing and I will continue to pleasure you. If I am not, I will turn the Nintendo Off and return to the bathroom. At this time you may clean your self with the towel that is beside the bed. Turn the lights on, redress yourself and leave.
I may come back out and talk to you as you dress but the conversation will most likely be short and revolve around scheduling another time to get together.
******
Note how I leave nothing to chance. Girls love men who are decisive and LEAD. They don’t want to have to ask you what they should do when they get to level 2. Here, I have demonstrated my alpha cred with step-by-step instructions she must follow, and I back it up with the threat of punishment if she deviates — for instance, if she lets her character die. Notice also how I am in complete control in the bedroom. Women happily submit to a man who choreographs the sex like a maestro.
While you may wonder if this ad is a little too forward, you’d be surprised at the success rate I’ve had with it. Cute nerd girls who play video games cannot resist a man who knows what he wants and takes it. They also love an element of mystery. What I did not mention in the ad is the Strong Bad Mexican wrestling mask I wear to accentuate the ambience.
Cost of this bang: $30 for the Motel 6 room.
So the lights are off? It would be really, really, really funny if a man answered that ad, and you didn’t find out until too late.
Peter
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Win
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Whoever said romance was dead ? Pshaw !
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What if a fattie shows up? There should be a way to make this plan fattie-proof.
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Surely you’re joking Mr. Feynman!
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R,
Are you aware of Half Sigma’s last post about YOU??
Here it is:
December 07, 2008
Is Roissy a pawn of the “jew media inspired conspiracy”?
I recently linked to a blog post from in which he is highly critical of overweight women. Here’s a response from a message board posting at the Stormfront White Nationalist Community:
[E]ven if a average looking overweight White woman may not be the catch of the day, she still has the ability to make White babies. I think this whole skinny chicks fashion is a jew media inspired conspiracy to help make White women feel inferior in some way.
* * *
I’m not surprised that female Stormfront posters tend towards the portlier side. It’s very much a movement of prole misfits.
December 07, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (77) | TrackBack (0)
You certainly do strike a nerve with that particular blogger. I was even suprised by that.
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yeah right. as if that’s really your ad. i am pretty sure i’ve read it before, but i KNOW that you would not make the error here:
“I will pull out and blow my load where you have convinced me I want too”.
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wait…no warp zones!?
no girl can beat that game without them.
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I was out of town for business a few months back and only had a hotel room Monday night. I had no car since a taxi took me from hotel to airport and back. I figured “what the hell, I’m not getting laid here. There’s no hotel bar, etc within walking distance” and put up a casual encounters post.
I got more replies from gay guys crusing the M4W section with proposals like “I’ll suck you off and let you bang me in the ass” than I did actual women. It was disturbing. And no, I didn’t find any worth replying to… all women over 40 and/or warpigs
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“When level 1-4 starts I will alternate between holes as I see fit.”
You had me until this…looks like a huge recipe for a UTI. I don’t think anyone wants to be thinking of this dirty, shameful as they drink their cranberry juice. Do it and forget it, ya know?
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do you get a photo 1st?
what if you get a fugly
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I don’t know what to say except “whatever works”.
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He can always keep a bowl of sanitizer on the side or between her knees to quickly dip his stick in before alternating. Creative solutions ppl…
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Lemmony-fresh, do you actually take it in the ass?
zomg, please says yes!!!
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Lemmonex,
God I want to say something about learning from experience….. but that set up is just way too easy
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*Mu taps away on newly-acquired Palm Device taking notes*
…Which reminds me; I have something to get to later.
Thanks, Roissy.
Salaam
Mu
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I’ve seen this ad before. And here I thought a former boyfriend posted it.
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You must not be pleasuring her very well if she can still play videogames
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This really bummed me out, though I enjoy the the Mario aspect.
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This is really weird.
Not too familiar with the craigslist stuff.
Or using the internet to swoop.
I am old-school.
“Cost of this bang: $30 for the Motel 6 room.”
Hell, you can probably get a Suite at Wynn Las Vegas for $30 a night.
They are even cutting room rates in miami beach for Art Basel these days: http://www.miamiherald.com/news/miami-dade/story/796904.html
Down Economy = Lots of opportunity.
– MPM
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Roissy may want to ensure that the female in question is old enough to have played Mario in the first place on the original Nintendo and not on the Wii’s Virtual Console…
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No way this works. No fucking way.
…..
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G Manifesto –
Little disappointed in that last comment. The bragging was way too subtle! What’s going on here?
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I find it difficult to have sex with the Super Mario Bros. theme song playing in the background.
You should try Contra instead.
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That should read “ability to fake an orgasm a plus.” Grammar is important, even in sex ads.
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This is thoroughly unappealing. Any woman who would respond to this ad is probably more than a little crazy and/or/because she was *probably* abused as a child (if hot=playing super mario brothers while having sex with a man with whom she’s not allowed to speak then you have more than a few issues to sort out).
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He’s not serious. That ad is about a year old. Lurk moar guys!
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Any girl who is familiar with the original Nintendo is way too old for a Super Mario Bang.
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Prostitutes and whores love men who are decisive. They don’t want to have to ask you what they should do.
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Peter
It would be really, really, really funny if a man answered that ad, and you didn’t find out until too late.
Really, really, REALLY funny.
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fucking roissy totally ripped off my ad
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What about Galaga? I always thought the music was rousing, myself.
Also, Jesus, man, you are a nerd… StrongBad mask?
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M4W – Womb Raider
Wanted – 20’s, slim and a knockout. Dress up like Laura Croft in crotchless leather panties. I will be the Boss from Hell. Expect multiple rear-end collisions. Must be blindfolded and don’t ask any questions.
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Want it from behind while you play Super Mario Brothers ?
looks at title of ad
😯
*dead faint*
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I will begin to finger you and lick you
*big smile* 🙂
I will send you the address to a hotel and a room number. When you arrive the door will be open. Please come in close and lock the door and close the shades if they are still open.
This screams serial killer. I refuse to believe that there are more than two women who are crazy enough to do this.
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A video of a ginger-haired man reading the delightfully ironic Craigslist posting:
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t saidHe can always keep a bowl of sanitizer on the side or between her knees to quickly dip his stick in before alternating. Creative solutions ppl
LOL you deserve a dirty slap for ^^^
G Manifesto –
Little disappointed in that last comment. The bragging was way too subtle! What’s going on here?
SMH
your right
hello
You must not be pleasuring her very well if she can still play videogames
*DEAD*
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I would have left in the part about the Strong Bad mask.
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Okay as long as you know I already trademarked Reach For The Vagina.
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If Roissy is in DC, why is this craigslist post from Orlando, FL?
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T. AKA Ricky Raw,
Ha. I have been accused of bragging by girls I used to swoop three times in as many days.
I never realized I was bragging.
See, that is the problem I have with truth…people think I am bragging.
I need to try lying more often.
– MPM
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I’m just messing with you. I’ve just grown to expect such larger than life comments from you it caught me off guard to see one so mild.
Also, one can be totally telling the truth and still be bragging.
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I am a virgin.
Everyone knows this.
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chicnoir needs to get her ass tore up
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Rick
chicnoir needs to get her ass tore up
😯
*dead faint
———————
then again maybe it was “tore up” and thats the reason I’m hesitant.
Lemmonex- Good. We need more like you.
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Well, this craigslist post really about does it. Sorta beyond the pale.
Now I can’t tell anybody where I got my new and improved attitude towards women. Especially women. I’ll just say I read a book or something.
Visiting this site will just have to remain my little secret.
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MPM’s spot on about the rough time the Hospitality Industry’s having in the midst of the Recession; can’t remember the name of the owner offhand, but he’s really been taking a beating wrt his Sands Casion & Hotel business. Who knows, rates even this New Year’s Eve may be bargain basement.
As to Roissy’s post/ad itself, admittedly its not something I’d ever put up; its just not my style. Like The G-Man, I’m not much of an Internet Dater, though I have met a few gals that way, and don’t knock anyone else for doing so, whatever gets the job done is what I say. I guess in the words of the lingo, I’m more of a “Direct Gamer”, in that I usually like to see/speak to/touch the goods before moving out of frame, so to speak. Plus, I’ve never been too much of a Video Gamer either.
Having said that though, R makes some good post-ad comments. Not only is he correct with the Nature of a Woman to seek Leadership, the ad itself IS creative, which always gets one high points among the Ladies, who always have very active imaginations and fantasies.
But I add it to my notes just for study purposes and to keep abreast of what’s going on out there.
Salaam
Mu
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Holy shit, that was funny.
Holy shit, that’s so graphic, you are just disgusting. It sounds incredibly unsafe, and IF a girl did answer that, I’d pretty much be repulsed by her stupidity.
Seriously:dumpsters. Both of you.
You mention nothing about covering up.
Yeah, crabs that’s what leaders get, oh gonorrhea too. I heard syphilis makes your eyes all milky, great for eye contact.
If you’re trying to make yourself a leader who knows his priorities and you don’t include health, well, that point makes itself. Also, I have to wonder why having sex with the most people is so important? Generally people who are comfortable with themselves don’t brag on a weekly basis, they keep quiet because it’s just normal to them.
You offer no proof. I think blogging now triggers the same emotions that movies used to in the past, people like to make believe it’s real. They really feel that. Assume that.
I find this really creepy, why don’t you just find one other person to explore this with? It’s so blown up I makes me feel like pitying you, pathetic, I know that sounds like an insult but I don’t mean it that way, it’s just the way I feel.
I think you’re a bane on society. It’s great that you’ve found things that make you happy but it’s just too much.
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joel saidNow I can’t tell anybody where I got my new and improved attitude towards women. Especially women. I’ll just say I read a book or something.
Visiting this site will just have to remain my little secret
*screams*
NOOOOOOOOOOOO don’t let them change you Joel.
*reaches for joel*
Joel just look into the light & grab my hand Joel.
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rI will begin to finger you and lick you
LIng Yeah, crabs that’s what leaders get
Ling, crabcakes are a major delicacy in the Baltimore/Washington area.
BTW, a raincoat won’t protect you against crabs.
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chicnoir, hello, et al:
Please, for the love of all that’s holy, stop fainting. Loss of consciousness in present company may be construed as consent.
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“Loss of consciousness in present company may be construed as consent.”
hilarious
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Well, with all that said, might I offer a Variation on a Theme?
As some of you are well aware of, I am an Astrologer. I take it quite seriously. And am most proud of my work.
Last Sunday, as I was taking a break from studying the book The Game, I decided to check into an interest astrology forum I had recently joined at the behest of an astrological colleague. There, a discussion was taking place as to astrology’s correlations to one’s physical appearance.
I decided to ramp it up a bit, no doubt inspired by what I had been reading of late, and suggested that we might consider what one’s horoscope might say about what kind of date would most appeal to them? I used as a kind of theme, the Sidney Poitier classic Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner.
The following is an excerpt of that discussoin thread. It is an exchange between myself and a young lady named “C”. Any and all comments, welcome-oh, and hopefully Vladimir’s reading along.:)
Here we go:
C: 1. Sun Sign: Taurus in 7th House.
2. Moon Sign: Leo in 10th House.
3. Ascendant : Libra Ascendant with Venus in Pisces.
Retrograde Pluto in Scorpio in the first house,
4. Elemental Make-up: Mostly Earth, then Water, Air, and
Fire–according to the analysis on Astro.com
Not too knowledgeable, but here goes: Leo in 10th house, that’s the
house of Social Status, right? I don’t exactly know what effect that
has on the way I look or dress. I do like to think that I’m dignified;
I walk with my chin up. I’ve also noticed that when I’m walking on the
street, I walk in the center. I don’t mind attracting attention or
standing out.
And there’s just so much Venusian influence… I’m curvy, SUPER
feminine, slightly over the BMI for my height and weight, but nothing
to be extremely concerned about. Still, couldn’t hurt to lose a few
LB’s (or kilograms for our international members). Aquarius Decan (I
think) of Libra ascendant–guilty of ” natural good looks,” but no
prominent features. My face is symmetric, either round or slightly
heart-shaped. I’m soft, natural looking. Too much make-up doesn’t work
on my face. It looks too harsh and overwhelms me. My Venus is in
Pisces. My face is, um, deceptively sweet, kind of? There’s something
deeply innocent about my face, I think. I think my eyes are very
Piscean. Pluto in Scorpio in the first house and my Solar Taurus: I
really like dark clothing. I like clothes that are deeply saturated in
color. I can’t stand pastels. I like high quality clothing and I don’t
mind paying for it. I’m not too sure if that’s the Taurus or Leo in
that’s talking.
MU: C,
OK, so lemme see if I got this straight: Taurus Sun in 7, Leo Moon in
10, Libra Asc w/Venus in Pisces, right?
Moon in Leo in the 10?
All Hail The Queen!
Hmm. Well, the Lights are in Mutual Reception, and as the Great One
Guido Bonatti himself once famously said, Reception abates All Malice.
This is a most fine and Regal Combination to be sure, made all the more
powerful by them both being accidentally dignified. Your Radiance
shines throughout the Universe, My Lady.
And with an Exalted Asc ruler adding to the mix, a Man must be on his
best behavior, and put his best foot forward on the Big Night Out. Only
the best will do: a Horse Carriage ride through Olde City to a nicely
appointed eatery, wherein Dinner will be Served in a Private Room
reserved for the Queen. Perhaps a bit of Chardonay for Her Highness? Of
course, Mu must decline; partaking of the Wine & Spirits is not
Permitted. Dr. Pepper will suffice.
Afterward, to the Laugh House! Where an evening out will culminate in a
good bellylaugh. Merryment and Mirth does a Soul good.
How am I doin’?;)
Salaam
Mu
C: Hahaha Oh, Mu! I’ve read some of your posts and I haven’t decided
whether or not I find you amusing–and like you–or cocky and slightly
condescending. Flattery will get you everywhere and right now, I like
you. (You must be feeding my Leoine need for attention) I have to admit
much ignorance in the area of Astrology, but this is what I do know:
You are a Sagittarius with a Taurus moon. Most of my close friends are
Solar Sagittarius w/ a “Feminine” moon. We could get along.
Now, to your assessment. You’re definitely right and I do have a love
for the finer things in life. I’ve definitely have an interesting regal
quality to my appearance and it’s not something I’m ashamed of. I’m not
as people oriented as a Leo or a Libra, though. In all honesty, I’m a
little reserved for the most part. My relations with people are not
generally as intimate or personal and even those who have known me for
years will not believe some the things I’ve done or will still be
discovering different aspects of my personality. All those things you
mentioned, aspects of a royal evening, is appreciated, I think, but not
entirely necessary. i think it’s important to establish that it’s
comfort that I enjoy–not superfluous detail. I don’t want to sound
like an arrogant prick. I enjoy sincerity in a partner, genuineness.I
enjoy good times. Most of the good times I’ve had usually don’t involve
a lot of money or unnecessary lavishness.
MU: Hello C,
Thank you for hollerin’ back.;) What I’d like to note is that if my
guess is correct, your Asc ruling Venus would be in the 6 house, one of
three “hidden” houses in the horoscope. Pisces is already shy to begin
with, and if my hunch *is* correct, it would make it all the moreso.
Stop hiding your Light under a Bushel, My Lady.
Btw, did you know that Queen Elizabeth II herself, shares your Sun and
Moon Signs? If memory serves, of course. We Taurean Moons are world
reknown for our Elephant-like Memory. You’re a Royal alright. Now all
you need do is live up to it.
And as for not needing much-peshaw. Romance without Finance, is a
Nuisance, we Venus in Capricorns say. You’re not the Goldigging type,
you’re too romantic for such a thing, so its perfectly safe to enjoy a
night out without feeling guilty. Mu has trained himself through years
of the most rigorous study to be able to spot the astrology of
Goldiggers a mile away and to be able to mount a counter-offensive.
Hmm. A hypothetical night night out might just include a stop by
Garland of Letters, where we would briefly peruse their Astrology books
section, grabbing you up a nice, big coffeetable sized one, like
Parker’s Astrology for instance. Always good to know who’s coming to
dinner, yes?
😉
Salaam
Mu
C: Oh, Mu. Impressive. You’re right. I have Venus in Pisces in the sixth
house. I also have Mars in Pisces in the fifth house. How did you know
that? What are the other two “hidden” houses of Astrology? What’s their
impact? Inform me.
I love when Astrology is uncannily accurate. You’re right,Mu. I’ve
told a few friends of how much I’d enjoy a date at an old book shop. I
like books, I like being around them. It’s so exciting to think of the
prospect of new love beginning in the presence of the classic, old love
stories. Thanks for your interest, Mu. Maybe you can take a look at my
chart sometime.
MU: C,
It will be Pleasure to be commissioned to do up the Royal Horoscope.;)
I trust you know how to contact me? I will be waiting for your sign,
pardon the pun.
As for your question: the other two “hidden” houses of the horoscope
are the 8 and 12. Planets here tend to be obscured from view, just
askance out of one’s line of sight. These three houses-the 6, 8 and
12-represent those “out of the way” areas of life that we all must
contend with.
I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m havin’ a Ball here!:) *Mu does
Monkey Clap*
Salaam
Mu
*About 15 minutes later, I get the following info via private email*:
“C”
May xx 19xx x:xxPM
Saigon Vietnam
Comments?
Salaam
Mu
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Affe
LOLROF
okay
Your right, they will use our fainting to mean that we go weak before their alphaness and postion our bodies in the proper position so they can “tap it” while we lack consciousness.
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You know, I an finally coming around to Whiskey’s point of view when it comes to the fate of the beta male who is desperate for female attention.
hello, I’m sure this guy is an oreo btw. Sad shame, we really need to help this young man.
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Now, if I were to place a Craigslist ad seeking a woman, what characteristic would I mention first and foremost? Just wondering.
Peter
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“what characteristic would I mention first and foremost? ”
Judging by the pics of the women you post, I’d say: over 30 and overweight.
That’s two characteristics though. Oh well, it’ll come to me.
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Peter,
I advise that you banish GNP from your ad but specify an Italian or Hispanic woman.
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Um, Chic, how’d you even find those videos? They aren’t particularly popular.
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The very fact that Roissy lives and works his so called game in DC clearly demonstrates that he is no Alpha due to the fact that 3/4 of DC are all impersonal and soulless suburbs while the rest are slums for the non-Whites who are used as cheap labor in DC suburban businesses (mostly in food prep and garbage collection for DC’s Whites and Jews).
But I could be wrong…I mean the gorgeous strip malls of the suburbs or the cracked-out convenience stores of the slums might be a great environment to work ‘game’ in, right?
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Peter,
You might say you’re interested in a natural woman and see if they can figure it out.
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You’re so full of shit. It’s absurd how much of this blog is just blatant bullshit and how much people like to indulge it as reality because it’s more interesting than their lives.
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Wow man, Did you really post this? And did it work? That’s some funny shit.
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i call BULLSHIT. no way this works. a joke?
if roissy really posts this it proves my theory that all bloggers are ugly weirdos desperate for it.
and alternate holes? ha, once you go brown, you don’t go back to v-town. that’s called nasty infection.
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Indeed, this is likely phony, albeit humorously so.
Any player talented enough to pull this off would undoubtedly also be sufficiently brash to document it, especially as per his clarion call to record all hot poonage for posterity.
So in that spirit, give up the goods. If you’re bad-assed enough to swing this scheme, surely you can post a still or a short video of the score, to much admiration.
Faces can be obscured. But I want to see the bright glow of Super Mario reflect off the brave lady’s swinging tits; in lieu of that, I’m inclined by reason to regard this as 100% bullshit for blog effect.
Prove me wrong.
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I’m thinking that this in’t Roissy’s ad, esp. since someone noted that it’s from the Orlando area. He may have posted it here for fun and not seriously as his own.
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Yeah, it’s pretty hilarious that so many commenters seem to think this is real. They’re taking Roissy way too seriously!!
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geniuses. chic, i hope someone is taking care of that for you these days, you seem to have far too much time on your hands.
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T. AKA Ricky Raw,
I know.
By the way, I always appreciate your comments as well.
– MPM
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cosign girleigh
Take care of what Rick?
Christopher Tracy, I found those videos on another blog.
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Roissy didn’t write that post. This was originally posted on the Orlando CL, and then made best-of-CL earlier this year. A simple google search reveals this:
http://www.google.com/search?q=craigslist+super+mario+brothers&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a
and the posting:
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/orl/740493470.html
Plagiarism is beta.
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Plagiarism is beta.
it was a joke, son.
jesus, 80 comments later and someone finally figured it out.
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[…] what doesn’t. Funny thing is that Roissy just posted a blog about online dating a few days ago. My Craigslist Pickup Ad Roissy in DC I know I have a bunch of old online dating adds I can dig up and I’ll post them here too. […]
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Hey Roissy,
I noticed that this ad was on Vancouver Craigslist too, I read it and thought it was the weirdest thing ever!!! Kind of scary! I can’t believe you actually got women to sleep with you using such a disturbing ad.
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