The Beta of the Month award is given to those “men” who best exemplify the loser qualities and weak character of the beta male. Loathed and unloved by women, their suffering, like their sexual release, is often self-administered.
It was a tight race, but in the end the sniveling beta who supported and continued to obsess over his ugly hag wife after she tried to have him killed edged out the chump beta who spent his best years doggedly pursuing a fat slut who cried on his shoulder about all the guys she was banging only to be rewarded by him with a garish princess wedding. The January 2009 BOTM Winner and finalist for the 2009 Beta Of The Year is Mr. Kenealy, AKA Mr. “Put a hit on me but please don’t say you’ll leave me”. Let’s take another look at this ball-less wonder:
Mr Kenealy, a 51-year-old catering worker, did not comment as he left the court today, but he said recently that he would remain faithful to his wife. “I still love Zoe dearly. She’s the love of my life and I want to be with her for ever.” [editor’s note: foreva eva?]
He told the Sunday Mirror: “When Zoe was arrested I was heartbroken, but I never stopped loving her. When I exchanged wedding vows with her I meant every word, for richer for poorer, till death do us part [editor’s note: i was never a fan of that clause], but little did I know those words would come back to haunt me and land the love of my life in jail.’
And he said that they became closer while she was on bail.
He added: ‘She said she couldn’t understand how I could love her after what she’d done. I told her I wouldn’t give up on her, and in those months waiting for the police action we became closer than we had been for years.
“Ironically, it was like we were back to normal – we were soul-mates again.”
Pathetic. Who let the dork out? If you ever doubt the capacity of human beings for self-delusion, look no farther than this guy. (See also: Cougars. Suicide bombers.) He was so abjectly beta that it disgusted his wife to the point where simply leaving him would not provide her with the soul nourishing satisfaction that killing him would provide her. Remember, women don’t just ignore betas; strip away the social niceties and you’ll see they despise them.
The saddest part of this tragifarce is how easy it would have been for this guy to turn it around. All he had to say to his hater hagwife was “You dumb crazy bitch. Fuck off.” and her pussy would have tingled in spite of herself. Six simple words. Let them roll around the mouth and launch off the tongue in slo-mo: YOU DUMB CRAZY BITCH. FUCK OFF. Six words, and his life would be utterly changed for the better.
Six
words.
But that would have required some balls.
Hooray! Voting for something has made a difference in my life!
Also, I agree with everything above. Putting out a hit is just too fucking bananas for any normal guy to even debateputting up with. Crazy is crazy, but that’s just too far.
I also agree with your 6 words. nothing makes a girl want you more than your not wanting her anymore. Seems like the story of my life right now…
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I’ve found it perfectly acceptable to physically carry a woman out of my apartment, if I either have to prepare for another date, or if she is just being too pissy. I’ve done that with three women, that I can recall. Seemed strange at first, but after a few times, you realize there is no penalty in manning up.
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interesting article…chimps can use politics instead of aggression to become alpha male:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/02/090202174958.htm
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@El chief:
let the Obama jokes commence.
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Who would have thought that women would begin taking Marry Shag Kill so seriously?
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Based on my own experiences, I’m very impressed with this site. You’ve taught me a lot, including about what I’ve done right and where I went wrong.
I’m also very impressed with Whiskey. In a better world he would be working on his PhD in a top program.
My question to Roissy is whether he has any thoughts on long-term relationship game.
I’m a minor Alfa, and I have always had girls attracted to me. Sixes and Sevens just offer themselves; I like to date Eights; and luck and a little use of primitive game gave me a fantastic 5-year relationship with a slightly older Nine.
Primitive game gave me 3 great years with the Nine. Then I got tired of the little I understood of game in the relationship. I wanted more. I wanted a deeper bond and less of the immature, well, games. I can hear people laugh, because the predictable happened: I accidentally Betasized myself (because I had come to really love the woman, little squish that I was), and of course from then on the relationship went south, into oblivion and doom.
So, is there such a thing as “mature game” to be used to deepen a relationship with a worthy woman you want to keep? Or does game not change, and is dissatisfaction with having to continue to use it year after year just one of those sad facts of life we have to accept?
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James never asked me : “My question to Roissy is whether he has any thoughts on long-term relationship game.”
No such thing. Date perpetually, even if monogamous.
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By the way James, you are not a minor Alpha. You are genuine. I’m not sucking your balls – and I’m not saying you are a player. I’m saying you’ve internalized the attitude. Loosing beachfronts is not your issue.
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any thoughts on long-term relationship game.
Short answer: don’t go complacent. The qualities that attracter her to you in he first place are the same ones that will keep her.
Long answer:
1) Her Personality: for LTRs, aim for a girl who is just over your attractiveness threshold, but with the best personality possible. Bitchy super hotties with no integrity are great for pumps and dumps but they are miserable for the longer haul.
2) Shit tests: always pass her shit tests. Dogs stick their heads out of car windows, men scratch their balls. Cats rub against things, women shit test. That’s how we’re built. Pass her shit tests, and she’ll love you. Fail them consistently, and she’ll lose respect for you.
3) Touching: generally, let her touch you first. Let her be the one who’ll snuggle up to you on the couch, get on her tippytoes to kiss you, etc. You want her to feel at ease with your generous manliness. Which is why she’s supposed to be the kittycat who slinks up to your massiveness.
Don’t be the needy boy who snugs up to her for warmth and reassurance — a typical beta move. That’s when the word “smothered” starts coming out of her mouth.
Caveat: you want to act like you own her in every way, especially owning her body. So for example if you want her to step out of your way, playfully but firmly take her by the hips and scoot her aside; in private slap her on the ass from time to time. You get the idea.
4) Arguments: don’t get sucked into them. This is related to shit tests. When she has PMS or is in a bitchy mood, just ignore her. If she’s bitching at you, leave the room or hang up the phone without a word. if she crosses the line, bring her to order.
Never apologize. If you in fact did do something wrong, say “sorry” once. More than once is groveling.
5) She is a whirl of energy, you are the pillar of stability. Keep this metaphor in mind.
6) Check out Roissy’s “Sixteen Commandments of Poon” at the top of this page. Some great LTR advice there.
7) Keep things light and fun, make her laugh.
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PA has it right, generally the only thing that changes for the male in a LTR is that he only has sex with one woman. Stay the same guy she wanted in the first place.
Be a Man.
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This poor sap pleaded and begged for mercy to the judge for her. After all that, once she was in prison she dumped his sorry ass in a Dear John Letter right before Christmas.
Oh, and did you happen to take a look at this beauty? I have a picture of her in my video:
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Most important LTR advice:
Savor the delights of girls with small titties. There is no pleasure more exquisite on this earth than making love to a girl with tiny breasty and making her compact body convulse with one ograsm after another.
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I didn´t know that the whore had dumped guy #3. With this new information I change my vote from #2 to #3.
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Most important LTR advice:
Savor the delights of girls with small titties. There is no pleasure more exquisite on this earth than making love to a girl with tiny breasty and making her compact body convulse with one ograsm after another.
Revised version:
Savor the delights of girls with GNP’s. There is no pleasure more exquisite on this earth than savoring the magnificent aromas and flavors of a thick, rich, luxuriant bush.
Peter
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Those six words and he wouldnt be the Beta – of – the – Month…sad story Roissy, sad story.
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Schadenfreude.
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how could you be with a cunt who tried to have you killed?
it just doesn’t make sense
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i don’t know how so many voted for #1. dude got what he wanted in the end (at least up until now). if the story included the marriage going south due to her perpetually cheating on him, then i can see that.
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I voted for #1 because he was an extreme version of the norm–total bitch who didn’t take “you’re a bitch” for an answer.
#2 and #3 are beyond betas and omegas. Severe mental diseases.
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James
Based on my own experiences, I’m very impressed with this site. You’ve taught me a lot, including about what I’ve done right and where I went wrong.
I’m also very impressed with Whiskey. In a better world he would be working on his PhD in a top program.
My question to Roissy is whether he has any thoughts on long-term relationship game.
I’m a minor Alfa, and I have always had girls attracted to me. Sixes and Sevens just offer themselves; I like to date Eights; and luck and a little use of primitive game gave me a fantastic 5-year relationship with a slightly older Nine.
Primitive game gave me 3 great years with the Nine. Then I got tired of the little I understood of game in the relationship. I wanted more. I wanted a deeper bond and less of the immature, well, games. I can hear people laugh, because the predictable happened: I accidentally Betasized myself (because I had come to really love the woman, little squish that I was), and of course from then on the relationship went south, into oblivion and doom.
So, is there such a thing as “mature game” to be used to deepen a relationship with a worthy woman you want to keep? Or does game not change, and is dissatisfaction with having to continue to use it year after year just one of those sad facts of life we have to accept?
Actually, you are a big fat beta, since you can’t even spell “Alpha”. You ass-kiss too much (to Roissy, and that Bakersfield call-center employee called “Whiskey”). You lack guile, and show excess vulnerability in your posting.
Anyway, if you want to make it long-term with a 9, don’t get fat (men are getting as fat as women today), work out (it’s a big confidence builder), have the financial upper hand, and the rest will follow. If you are truly an Alpha, these concepts should come to you instinctively.
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Peter: It’s funny that you should alter PA’s post. I was just about to say that he’s starting to sound like you, albeit pushing small tits instead of the GNP.
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“So, is there such a thing as “mature game” to be used to deepen a relationship with a worthy woman you want to keep? Or does game not change, and is dissatisfaction with having to continue to use it year after year just one of those sad facts of life we have to accept?”
Personally, I think there is no “there” there. This last sentence is defeatism. If you want to slink away to mommy and present all your little insecurities as if they were rare treasures rather than a sign of bad character, you will lose. Even if the crazy monkey tells you that’s what she wants. There is some kind of consumerist racket designed to keep people unhappy with the relationship they have. All this “better, deeper, evolve” crap is just bullshit designed to keep you unhappy enough some clown on Madison avenue can sell you garbage you don’t need. You’re going to be happiest in the beginning. Any extra satisfaction you get later in a relationship is a result of teamwork and shared memories rather than some kind of mystical intimacy bond that lights on those favored by the “relationship gods.” If this was real, the ancient Greeks would have written about it. They didn’t. Wives are either old nags, or esteemed helpmeets: that’s all there is.
Also, PA is wise.
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I second PA’s advice to the hilt.
ESPECIALLY No. 2.
You can make mistakes and mess up all the other things PA lists, but fail No. 2 enough times and it will be over before you know it.
It’s also very important to recognize when she is acting out of agitation from her menstrual cycle. Don’t approach her emotional lashing out and nit picking because of her cramping, bloating and hormonal fluctuations with logic. You can’t reason with her cycle.
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@ PA
Short answer: don’t go complacent. The qualities that attracter her to you in he first place are the same ones that will keep her.
Very true. I didn’t go complacent in my attention to her or interest in her, but I did go complacent in sticking to the rules of game.
Long answer:
1) Her Personality: for LTRs, aim for a girl who is just over your attractiveness threshold, but with the best personality possible. Bitchy super hotties with no integrity are great for pumps and dumps but they are miserable for the longer haul.
True. You seem to be in favor of marriage, unlike the vast majority of men interested in these issues. You seem happily married yourself. Could you tell more about this? Older friends of mine who’ve had their share of women seem to agree that a good woman lasts between 4-6 years. Then they all walk, or so they say. Why do you disagree with them?
2) Shit tests: always pass her shit tests. Dogs stick their heads out of car windows, men scratch their balls. Cats rub against things, women shit test. That’s how we’re built. Pass her shit tests, and she’ll love you. Fail them consistently, and she’ll lose respect for you.
This is where I went wrong. Before I discovered game literature I had never heard of shit tests. I either failed them, or used crude primitive game: I pretended not to hear them; I ignored them; or I called bullshit. That response to shit tests worked sometimes, but it caused collateral damage, like using a B52 instead of precision ammunition.
3) Touching: generally, let her touch you first. Let her be the one who’ll snuggle up to you on the couch, get on her tippytoes to kiss you, etc. You want her to feel at ease with your generous manliness. Which is why she’s supposed to be the kittycat who slinks up to your massiveness.
That’s one of the first things I learned.
Don’t be the needy boy who snugs up to her for warmth and reassurance — a typical beta move. That’s when the word “smothered” starts coming out of her mouth.
I’m happy to say I’ve never done that.
Caveat: you want to act like you own her in every way, especially owning her body. So for example if you want her to step out of your way, playfully but firmly take her by the hips and scoot her aside; in private slap her on the ass from time to time. You get the idea.
This is new to me.
4) Arguments: don’t get sucked into them. This is related to shit tests. When she has PMS or is in a bitchy mood, just ignore her. If she’s bitching at you, leave the room or hang up the phone without a word. if she crosses the line, bring her to order.
I always go wrong here. The male logical brain just can’t resist taking down the illogical BS they spout.
Never apologize. If you in fact did do something wrong, say “sorry” once. More than once is groveling.
Oh, I never apologize. But as a result I’ve been in shouting matches with her yelling “You never apologize!” I’m not sure how to get out of that one. Should I just follow rule 4 and walk away?
5) She is a whirl of energy, you are the pillar of stability. Keep this metaphor in mind.
Yes, this is very true. I don’t have much trouble being the pillar of stability, but I’ve not always been a pillar of strength (the two are different). There have been discussions in the archives how even the strongest man has his bad days or episodes in life. And so it is. I’m not sure how that can be prevented. Perhaps it can be temporarily masked? But it’s certain that women zoom into weakness like lasers.
6) Check out Roissy’s “Sixteen Commandments of Poon” at the top of this page. Some great LTR advice there.
I have.
7) Keep things light and fun, make her laugh.
Yes, and this goes with 5, of course.
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@ dr
‘
PA has it right, generally the only thing that changes for the male in a LTR is that he only has sex with one woman. Stay the same guy she wanted in the first place.
Be a Man.
I understand this, and I think it is right. It separates me from people like Mystery, who essentially trick women, instead of ruling them. It is in the order of things for the man to rule the woman, and for the woman to complement the man. For this, the man first has to rule himself.
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@ Al Bundy aka spelling bee
You ass-kiss too much (to Roissy, and that Bakersfield call-center employee called “Whiskey”).
Oh dear. I’m very good at what I do for a living. I know from experience that people at the top are highly competitive. They rarely compliment each other, particularly if they’re in the same field, either because of jealousy, or because it’s not in their professional and personal interest. It usually befalls the next generation to recognize accomplished people. That’s why evolution depends on death. Personally, I have no reason not to salute Roissy. Plus, as the man himself writes frequently, flattery gets you everywhere.
The bluster in Roissy’s posts is a put on. The outline of his archived posting “dodging two bullets” is not dissimilar to my own experience. There’s thinly veiled pain in his writings, as well as dissatisfaction and contempt for the dating market, and he openly expresses his desire (which he pretends to mock, but which is actually genuine) for real love with a good woman (something PA seems to agree with).
Highly interesting in itself is the underpinning of the understanding of game on this site, namely the analysis of the social changes in the West which have damaged male/female relationships.
Also, whether someone shovels shit in Uruguay or teaches at Caltech has no relevance to the force of their arguments. That’s just logic 101, spelling bee. Or are you a woman?
Whiskey is clearly a very gifted amateur. He lacks formal training in the field in which he writes with much insight. But that’s not surprising, given the virtual impossibility of anyone even slightly right of center doing serious academic research in the current PC climate. It will take at least two generations of academics to die off before there’s any chance of improvement.
You lack guile, and show excess vulnerability in your posting.
Not sure how I lack guile or “show excess vulnerability” in my initial posting in this thread, but obviously the whole point of posting here is to improve my guile or game, Sherlock.
Anyway, if you want to make it long-term with a 9, don’t get fat (men are getting as fat as women today), work out (it’s a big confidence builder), have the financial upper hand, and the rest will follow. If you are truly an Alpha, these concepts should come to you instinctively.
You’re a poser and a blowhard, spelling bee. You’re stupid too, since you’re not going to score any pussy by acting like an asshole in this comments thread.
If you knew anything about game you’d realize that its core consists of CONFIDENCE. You’ll be interested to know that the Nine ex-girlfriend made more than twice the amount I did when we dated. I got the best action I ever had, AND she bought me gifts when she felt like it. Life was never as sweet.
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@ expat
By the way James, you are not a minor Alpha. You are genuine. I’m not sucking your balls – and I’m not saying you are a player. I’m saying you’ve internalized the attitude.
Natural confidence is why I’ve always attracted girls/women. But I’ve had to learn –and I’m still learning, hence my presence here- how to USE my confidence to get and keep the girls I wanted.
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PA:
5) She is a whirl of energy, you are the pillar of stability. Keep this metaphor in mind.
…
7) Keep things light and fun, make her laugh.
Balancing the dissonance between these two principles is what has fucked me up in the past.
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@ Lupo
“So, is there such a thing as “mature game” to be used to deepen a relationship with a worthy woman you want to keep? Or does game not change, and is dissatisfaction with having to continue to use it year after year just one of those sad facts of life we have to accept?”
Personally, I think there is no “there” there. This last sentence is defeatism. If you want to slink away to mommy and present all your little insecurities as if they were rare treasures rather than a sign of bad character, you will lose. Even if the crazy monkey tells you that’s what she wants. There is some kind of consumerist racket designed to keep people unhappy with the relationship they have. All this “better, deeper, evolve” crap is just bullshit designed to keep you unhappy enough some clown on Madison avenue can sell you garbage you don’t need. You’re going to be happiest in the beginning. Any extra satisfaction you get later in a relationship is a result of teamwork and shared memories rather than some kind of mystical intimacy bond that lights on those favored by the “relationship gods.” If this was real, the ancient Greeks would have written about it. They didn’t. Wives are either old nags, or esteemed helpmeets: that’s all there is.
Also, PA is wise.
Hmm. I think this fits with my exchange with expat. If I can put your comment in other words, or extrapolate from them, you seem to be saying that for a LTR one needs more than game. Game –or being a man- is the basis. But then you need to apply it to a woman who has the characteristics PA describes, who has similar goals, and who has shown evidence she is capable and willing to grow to help meet those goals. Correct?
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@ Dave from Hawaii
I second PA’s advice to the hilt.
ESPECIALLY No. 2.
You can make mistakes and mess up all the other things PA lists, but fail No. 2 enough times and it will be over before you know it.
It’s also very important to recognize when she is acting out of agitation from her menstrual cycle. Don’t approach her emotional lashing out and nit picking because of her cramping, bloating and hormonal fluctuations with logic. You can’t reason with her cycle.
Yes, as I mentioned above, I’ve failed a lot of shit tests, and I’ve still not mastered them. But now I’m recognizing them. I’ve read your shit test comments in the archives with great interest; how your growing ability to parry them improved your marriage. How do you parry her PMS?
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You seem to be in favor of marriage, unlike the vast majority of men interested in these issues. You seem happily married yourself. Could you tell more about this?
Yeah, I’m definitely in favor of marriage, if it’s with the right girl. Very often her family is a good indicator of how you two will turn out. Is her mom a shrew or a cold bitch and her dad a beaten-down shadow of a man? Bad sign. If her family seems wholesome and good spirited, and her dad dominant in the house, that’s a good sign.
This is where I went wrong. Before I discovered game literature I had never heard of shit tests. I either failed them, or used crude primitive game
It’s important to also mention that shit tests aren’t always angry or argumentative in nature. Often they are innocent-sounding and playfully mischievious.
Once in my early twenties (when I’d shoot myself in the foot with countless demonstrations of learned betatude) I was on a date with an 18-year-old cutie, and we had sex for the first time the prior day, no condom. She asked me, with a naughty grin, as I remember it now: “what would you do if you got me pregnant?”
I immediately recalled the million moms, teachers, TV messages that told me “you must respect her because you two just had intercourse and she is special” and I replied earnestly, like a doofy boyscout with somethning along the lines of “we’d sit down and talk it over and I’d support whatever decision you made blahblahblah…”
I literally recall right now how that glow in her eyes just turned off and her face went expressionless.
What should I have said?
Well, in the movie “Pulp Fiction,” there is a fantastic example of a well-parried funny/mischievious shit test. Bruce Willis’s character Butchis in a motel bed with his hot French girlfriend Fabienne. It’s clear in their interaction that his game is tight and she is madly in love with him.
So while they are cuddling and goofing off in bed, she tells him in that cutesy French accent that she wants to grow a big fat belly, because they look great on women. And she asks him “Butch, what wou you do if I got a beeeg belly?”
This was the fun/playful shit test. Translation: I’ma gonna get fat; whatcha gonna do ’bout it, boah?
A lesser man woudl have said “You’ll always look beautiful to me” or some crap like that. Wrong answer! Failed! And her respect for him woudl have fallen down a notch. But Butch said:
“I’d punch you in it.”
(Important: as with everything you say to women, it’s how you say it. He didn’t say it like an asshole, or like an angry or a frustrated man, mind you. He said it with amused cockiness. Important to remember that. Being angry or frustrated is Beta.)
Fabienne, mock-shocked and bona-fide delighted: “You’d punch me in my beeeeg belly?”
Butch, with a cocky grin: “That’s right. I’d punch you in it”
She starts giggling and gets on top of him, saying “I wouldn’t let you; I’d smother you first with my belly!”
Then they made hot love. Shit test passed.
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PA, mad props to you on your suggested “to do” list above. I also favor Marriage under the same conditions that you’ve described, and it must also be said that Roissy himself is in favor of a Man marrying, *provided he has tight, rock solid Game!*.
Oh, and if I may say so, how to handle the Woman’s Monthly thing? Fuck the you know what outta her.
And ignore anything she says.
The Obsidian
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James, by calling me “spelling bee”, you aren’t insulting me; rather, you are complementing my spelling ability. Thank you. 🙂
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Very often her family is a good indicator of how you two will turn out. Is her mom a shrew or a cold bitch and her dad a beaten-down shadow of a man?
Judging from what I’ve seen, you may have a point here. One of my old female friends had parents who followed the pattern that you described, and somehow, she slowly turned into her mother. Eventually, I bailed, but some how, my status whoring could have easily suckered me into a similar relationship where I exchange my balls for being attached to a potentially financially successful woman.
“I’d punch you in it.”
Somehow, saying stuff like that causes critical failures in the minds of beta males like myself, hence the “beta” reply which isn’t necessarily not just what society suggests, but just simply inherently sounds better in any tone. The response that passes the shit test reeks of white trash/nigger wifebeating traits.
get on her tippytoes to kiss you
I’m 5’8. My brother is 5’3. Not all of us were blessed with average height. Mind you, I must admit to liking the height difference with females since it induces the beta provider/cuddler/”owner” instincts.
Bitchy super hotties with no integrity are great for pumps and dumps but they are miserable for the longer haul.
So my girlfriend isn’t a tool for revenge against the guys who made fun of me in high school or college?
Don’t be the needy boy who snugs up to her for warmth and reassurance — a typical beta move.
So who the fuck am I supposed to cuddle with?
Savor the delights of girls with small titties.
girl with A cups = boy with high estrogen
girl with B cups = barely tolerable, will need “encouragement”, and higher ranking looks
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So who the fuck am I supposed to cuddle with?
Commit a felony, go to prison, become a bitch of the biggest guy on your cellblock, and then you’ll snuggle up to him anytime he wants you too. He might even play with your hair when he’s feeling affectionate.
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He might even play with your hair when he’s feeling affectionate.
Since I’m not gay, you may want to try harder in your next response.
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How do you parry her PMS?
I let her vent, avoid arguing, change the subject, leave the room…whatever. Sometimes I literally ignore her and focus on the TV or turn the radio up if we’re in the car. This might infuriate her at that moment…but it eventually blows over. Much quicker than if I actually take her mood at face value and attempt to debate and argue with her cycle-inspired outburst. Later on, I act like nothing has happened.
I’ve actually had her apologize to me for being bitchy cause she’s cramping…something she would have never done before when I was regularly failing her shit tests.
The important thing is to KNOW if it’s that time of the month…or if she’s legitimately pissed about something.
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DFH,
I’ve found that Women get extremely horny right before their menses comes on; literally fuck the cramping out of them helps a lot.
O
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James, thanks for the kind words.
Al Bundy, loved you on Married With Children. LA Dragnet, not so much. Sorry no call center, overeducated with too many degrees. No Bakersfield either.
Much of this stuff is obvious, but only if you discard your PC goggles. Short-term decision making and abundance of choice (absent social constraints) explain pretty much most of the current mess.
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James said, “I got the best action I ever had, AND she bought me gifts when she felt like it.”
Wait…in Roissy-ville aren’t those slut warning signs?
Or does she get some kind of exemption for being a 9?
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Oh, and if I may say so, how to handle the Woman’s Monthly thing?
David: You look moody today, what’s wrong?
Non-Date: It’s that time of the month again.
David: It’s always that time of the month. It was that time of the month last week.
PC goggles
PC goggles is what makes white people better than other people.
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“there is no penalty in manning up” — expat
Very true. E.g. pawning off girls in a club. The new target may logically dislike it but is emotionally attracted.
On arguing with women:
Your woman being angry or venting is equivalent to an adolescent child being angry. Walking away/ignoring is rather pathetic, except when she simply is in a bad mood rather than specifically upset.
Listen to her and ask pertinent questions rather than combating illogical accusations. Emotionally they are never illogical, they are her internal reality (albeit sometimes a hormone-warped reality).
Don’t repress your anger if she goes overboard. Don’t be afraid to yell at her to get her attention. Again, respond as you would to an 18-yr-old daughter — not on the same level, but at the meta-level. You accept and even desire her input but within a reasonably respectful frame. If she insults you, you don’t insult her, disparage, condescend, call her “childish”, etc. — you express, verbally or otherwise, that she is reducing your respect for her. Disappointment rather than resentment, resentment *KILLS* relationships. And later you tell her (or ideally she acts without prompting) how she can make it up to you.
Equality within a relationship requires a masculine, dominant frame. Let a woman set the boundaries and she will feel like you are a child. If you would not let your teenage daughter tell you to sleep on the couch, you should not let your beloved banish you either.
Creating and upholding boundaries is an ongoing process. A man is responsible for continuously challenging himself and holding himself to a level where he can trust his own judgment. A fearful lifestyle leads to uncertainty leads to a lack of trust from her.
That’s my take on the issue. Input is welcome.
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gig’s maxim #1 : everytime a new commenter appears , he’ll be called a beta and will answer by accusing the accuser of being beta himself.
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