We interrupt this week’s Relationship Game posts to bring you a contender for Alpha of the Year (via reader 2legit2quit):
This kid is a natural alpha, and not because he threw a massive party that caused $20,000 in damages. Why? Let us count the ways.
- He doesn’t really apologize. Rather, he gives a classic Clintonesque non-apology.
- He’s a master of aloofness. Grilled and patronized by a hot older woman, this kid stands his ground. Unshakeable.
- He never smiles. The joke’s on us.
- Doesn’t give a shit.
- If he does give a shit, he sure isn’t showing it.
- Maintains state control. On national TV. With a nipple ring.
- Cocky sonofabitch.
- Shows no deference toward a higher status bitch.
- Always ready with a glib answer.
- Has mastered the art of One Word Game.
- Assumes his likeability. (“Assume the sale.”)
Corey Worthington is the Joel Goodsen of the post-Beta Chump generation, except less of a worrywart. Corey lets the glass egg drop and then claims it looks better with the crack. He could give these guys a run for their money in the Alpha Male Cage Match of Unstoppable Indifference. Some of you are incredulous. “But he’s a tool! A douchebag!” That’s right. The kid is a tool and a douchebag, and probably half-baked most of the time. Which is exactly why I chose him for Alpha of the Month contention. Any of you doubt he’s banging the hottest high school chicks? He is yet further proof that the biggest tools will beat out the respectable betas, and oftentimes even the respectable alphas, in the race for quality pussy.
To all the natural born betas reading this, I suggest emulating Corey. When you are stumped about how to deal with a woman, you need to run Corey Worthington Game.
GIRL: I can’t believe you slept with my sister! And my Mom!!
YOU: Umm, sorry?
GIRL: You were supposed to feed my cat while I was away! Now he’s dead! What were you thinking??
YOU: I wasn’t, really.
GIRL: You forgot my birthday. You’re an asshole. You think being a dick is cool?
GIRL: Aren’t you embarrassed by that stupid tattoo you got? Has your Mom seen it?
YOU: She has. Everyone has. They love it.
GIRL: Grow up and get rid of it, or I’m breaking up with you!
YOU: Nah, I think I’ll keep it. I like it.