December 4, 2009 by CH
Needling a woman to be more upbeat.
“Why so sad? Be happy. How about a smile!”
“Hey, it’s not that bad, come on!”
“Let’s see a smile. Don’t look so down.”
“Where’s your holiday spirit?”
Why do you show you care about a woman’s emotional state before you’ve banged her? Remember, your reality first. Her reality a distant second.
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Not to mention it annoys the shit out of girls when you try to ‘solve’ their problems.
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It isn’t possible to cajole them into feeling good, and does just generally piss them off.
So what do you suggest as the best way to get them focused on the idea that they need a good raunchy sex romp to deal with their bad mood?
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And it’s needy. It communicates that you need her to be happy before you can be happy.
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What about the reverse, you bring a low energy level to the situation or appear distracted and the woman makes efforts to cheer you up. Buying signal? Or just demand for attention? I suppose the answer depends on many other variables.
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Indeed, try-hard boosterism just doesn’t work on girls, and makes the situation worse. I like to employ a few misdirections in such situations that convey that I’m either indifferent or mildly entertained by her pouting and petty downer-ism:
“You kinda look prettier when you’re upset / crying.”
“You’re lucky that I like misanthropes.”
“Its okay, not everyone can be the life of the party. Somebody’s gotta be the pooper.”
Anything which conveys to her that your mood isn’t affected one bit by hers and that you don’t have any need to alter hers will be far preferable to trying to talk her out of her funk, which is a fool’s errand.
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if you ignore a woman’s emotional state, she will get worked up wondering how you can ignore her, get even more pissed at you and give you shit about it.
if you placate her and try to cheer her up, she will lose a small measure of respect for you, remain pissed off, and give you shit about it.
in both cases she is pissed and giving you shit, so what remains is a simple choice between having her think you’re a jerk or think that you’re a pushover. this should be a no-brainer.
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I think this is almost more true after you’ve banged her. At least for me, it is.
I’m pretty good at playing the right level of aloof before I’ve banged a chick. What the fuck do I owe her at that point?
Once I’ve started seeing a girl for a while, banged her a few times…thats when I make mistakes like those described.
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roissy your topics of late have been pretty lackluster
suggestions:
is alpha an inherited trait
do gays have alphas
alpha geography are some regions more likely to have alpha/betas than others
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J R –
Eminently true. Its a common shit test that a man sets up for himself by trying to figure out what’s wrong and “fix it.”
Nonchalant realism that not every problem can be solved and that her trifling mood swings don’t even register on your own emotional barometer will indeed piss her off, but that’s also her problem, not yours.
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This is annoying when anybody does it to anybody.
Although not as annoying as the phrase “Calm down,” which can almost never achieve the speaker’s objective in any situation.
It is possible to influence a person’s emotional state, but believing that mere direct instruction is a viable method reveals one’s social ineptness.
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If you are living with them, make them a cup of tea the way they like it and then leave them the fuck alone.
If you are out with them , put your arm around them , give her a squeeze and a patient smile and leave them be.
“Men were designed to lead short brutal lives while women were designed to lead long miserable ones” – Howard Bloom
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So, what is the correct response Roissy?
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@bring back monarchy
Your suggestions are even more lackluster.
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Tell her “you’re boring today.” And walk.
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Tell her to suck it up and get over it…then take a seat on the couch, prop your legs on an ottoman, and start watching TV. I guarantee she will walk over and sit next to you, ask you, feebly, if you are mad at her. Now you have control.
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@Seeking Alpha – it’s been my experience that girls rarely want the problem solved. Rather, they prefer the attention that goes with having the problem in the first place. No more problem -> no more attention.
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A key alpha ability is to ride out her emotional storms without getting involved and affected by them.
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Patrick,
likewise on your suggestion:
i approve of anything that brings the word “pooper” into the conversation.
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Girl’s being a wet blanket? Utilizing advice previously proferred here, you have a few options.
1. From Dave in Hawaii – ignore her, she’ll come around
2. Tell her – “I don’t care”
3. Tease her
4. “Throw Momma from one of David Alexander’s Trains”
5. My personal fave – Giver her an epic Face Push – and swoop some other fly honeys
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“Why so sad? Be happy. How about a smile!”
Reminded me of this.
I don’t like perky women.
Being overly happy and enthusiastic about life is not an attractive feature in anyone.
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This situation needs to be thought of as a shit test, albeit an unintentional one. Betas will try to make her feel better and while it feels good for the woman at first, the stench of Beta will linger forever. The correct response is to do as follows:
1. Let her know you observed her distress.
2.Let her know it doesn’t bother you.
3. Leave when you have done the first two.
This is what has worked for me in the past.
Me “Awww, what’s wrong?”
– You grace to notice her with your Alpha attention long enough for her to share (vent/bitch about) her problem, and you simultaneously reinforce that feminine behavior is cute. (she will remember that post upset)
Her “blah cry blah pout insert problem here cry blah pout)
– She has made herself vulnerable by revealing her problem to you.
THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART. If you fail here you become the beta friend, not the Alpha rockstar.
Me “Make a joke about her situation”
– You show that you listened, that you are unaffected by it, and that you aren’t going to solve it for her unless she asks you to. This is important because you now have a strong emotional bond because you “listened” and “connected” with her over her trouble. You show that you are unaffected by it by not fawning all over her to make her feel better, and by being able to make light of the situation. She feels like it can’t be as bad if you can make fun of it, OR that you just must be the most stable person on the planet. Both good. By not solving the problem for her, she knows she can’t control you and the fact that you aren’t bothered by it is shown because you don’t care to solve it. If she asks you to solve the problem (not likely) well lets just say the peasant asks the King for help and not the other way around.
Her “Laughs” or “sniffs a little”
– If you get her to laugh, then you just gained the key to the chastity belt, you will forever be associated with positive feelings and its only a matter of time before she gives you the booty call.
If she sniffs she is fishing for more of your attention, don’t give it!
Me “You’re cute (pouting, crying, sad) but swing by sometime you are feeling better so I can compare your happy self to the cute sad self.” Exeunt Stage Right.
– You show that you refuse to let her stormy womanly mood affect you, though it is cutely feminine to you. Then you leave, her wanting more. You then make her chase you down (We all know women love this) and she has to qualify herself by showing she is just as pretty happy as sad.
This works EVERY time.
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“roissy your topics of late have been pretty lackluster”
Roissy is one of the greatest voices in PUA/Lifestyle for men right now. He consistently puts out original content.
Not every article is going to be a grand slam out of the park.
So many sites in the community right now are just rehashes of Mystery/Strauss/Sinn/Durden/Savoy reshuffled.
Once you get the basic blocking and tackling down, where does a guy go for advanced PUA and relationship management? Roosh/G-manifesto/Roissy are in that rarified air.
My site is an attempt to do similar things, but hopefully with the message not of simply getting laid, but of improving men’s lives.
I suspect I’ll keep reading Roissy posts and going “Damn, that’s brilliant. Why didn’t I write about that?”
– Bon
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So true. I have no problems staying in alpha mode before I have fucked a girl. But after we’ve done the nasty a few times, it’s a slow decline until I’m about 60-40 alpha-beta. We go at it for another few months and it eventually just fizzles. Then rinse, repeat with the next girl—always. I’m a sucker for LTRs and I get attached after fucking, and the beta slippage just sets in. If this scenario had happened to me after we’d only fucked once or twice, I would have playfully offered to fuck her tears away in front of her ex. Or something like that. But if we’d been fucking for a few months already, some serious beta slippage would have set in by then and I would almost assuredly have been trying to figure out what was wrong and how best comfort her, or if it was my fault. My God.
The truth is that my Game isn’t as tight as a lot of the other guys here. I don’t have trouble getting sex, but the truth is that I tend to skate on my looks which takes a lot of pressure off my, at best, slightly above average Game. Nice to have this blog as a resource.
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Yeah, but it still cracks me up when Borat says to one of those feminists he interviews: “Hey, come on pussycat, give me a smile”
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BOTM nominee?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1233233/Love-cheat-texted-husband-say-raped-felt-guilty-infidelity.html
He’s standing by her, probably too terrified of the possible consequences if he doesn’t.
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Because this is only a partial view of the complete picture, showing only this facet can cause more harm than good.
Being Spock is a tool. If it’s the only tool you have you get what Spock gets. No passion in his life and no way to keep a woman intrigued.
Sometimes you have to out-drama a woman. Make her afraid of you. Make her laugh her head off. Make her wonder what makes you tick. Play her like a puppeteer plays with his little marionnettes. Make her dance to your tune, just for the fun of it.
Just being spock is not alpha. It’s one ability that an alpha needs, but it’s not the whole tool-kit.
Sometimes, when training a dog, you have to make that dog feel afraid and pained and chastised. Women are best treated like cherished pets that you dominate and master.
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You want your girl to believe that she is constantly expected to be on her best behaviour or you’ll kick her out otherwise downgrade your interest in her.
You want her to be so infatuated with you that this would ruin her ability to eat or sleep or concentrate or stop crying.
You want her happy most of the time, and crying some of the time. Don’t forget to make her cry sometimes – it’s your duty. She needs the drama. Don’t be selfish – make her cry sometimes.
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@ Bon
Just checked out a couple posts on your blog. Good stuff. Definitely a good idea to focus on the more practical aspects of getting girls like the bachelor pad article (although it was obviously too short).
For a very few people, game is just about tactics. And for those people it won’t get them very far without a ton of practice, to get perfect.
For most people, game is about self-improvement in the pursuit of winning girls attraction. Because everything from your clothes, to your friends, to your mannerisms, to your apartment, etc. effects how well you will do with girls.
There are already a thousand and one blogs on tactics. They’re helpful, but its tough to focus exclusively on them.
Focusing on the lifestyle of a guy who gets girls offers a much deeper pool of material and tips to draw on and will be a lot easier to implement in small increments in your daily life.
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Timitz makes an important point. Make her ASK you to fix the problem. The Beta response is to try to fix it for her unrequested, which does usually works against you.
It’s the difference between being the man and being the supplicant.
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I have never understood why random guys will tell a girl to smile out of nowhere. Most girls are pretty moody… and if a person is down, let them be down. It’s their problem right?
@Seeking Alpha
Not necessarily. If a girl is down because she lost her phone, so got lost to an important appointment, then got splashed in the rain… she probably wouldn’t mind help finding or replacing the phone. Especially if she’s so exasperated she can’t think straight.
If a girl is down because her cat died however… yeah, trying to “solve it” by telling her to go get a new one probably will annoy her.
Solving her problems vs. just letting her vent requires discretion…sometimes one is more appropriate than the other.
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My girl tried to be an emotionally manipulative bitch yesterday with one snarky comment, saying that I only paid attention to her when I needed something from her.
It was as if she had sparked off a stick of dynamite. I told her to go visit her family, and when she snarked at me about that I exploded and lit into her, not letting up until she broke down and submitted. Then the incident quickly passed.
But was not forgotten. The next day in a cheerful good time I gently reminded that throwing bad moods around my house was not to be tolerated. She knows I’ll kick her out of my house if she wants to be an emotionally manipulative bitch – the natural state for any woman who is not mastered.
She appreciates being kept in line. She loves being told what to do. She actually has a dog collar, which she is proud to wear in public.
Don’t be Spock. Be spock sometimes. When she crosses a line, be something she fears.
Women WILL use emotion and drama to manipulate you. That is their job.
Your job is to be better than them at their own game. It is your duty to outclass and outmaneover her at the game of drama. Just do what Dr. House does.
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@ lsb
Even with the phone though its better to let her ask for your help than to offer it.
I was thinking about ‘problems’ like, my co-worker is being a bitch, my teacher is so annoying, i wish i had more friends, etc., etc.
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@Big Mikey
What if she’s the very polite type? I can’t imagine always asking a guy to help me… I would feel overly demanding. And some guys might interpret asking for help the way Virgle Kent did (think she is acting like an entitled princess b*tch).
But yes, a guy shouldn’t offer to help trying to impress her… that might be the difference.
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Good stuff:
Guys, if you wanna hot Indian princess for a lifetime of hot Kama Sutra in the Taj Mahal fantasy, this is how it’s done.
SA qualifies better to lsb than any other.
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Sometimes a woman wants to quietly pout. Sometimes she is being a bitch about it and throwing around dark black moods.
The first is usually best ignored. The later is not to be tolerated by any self respecting man who values his short time on this earth. Emotional blackmail is cruel abuse, and must be snuffed out IMMEDIATELY.
Let her pout. Ignore it. Joke about be. Be obviously aloof. Up until she is attempting to poison your personal mood. Then shut her down.
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@Seeking Alpha
Hm… yeah, complaints like those are hard.
I wonder if girls generally want help in the more masculine domain (my car is broken, my suitcase is heavy, etc.) vs. feminine domain (my friend and I are fighting, I hate my boss at work, I have too many clothes, etc.). Have to think about this some more…
By the way, when I vent too much or get too moody, my Guy seems to get distracted or busy, suddenly. He’ll let me vent for a minute or two, and then he’ll be like “Sorry can you hold on a minute?” Or all of a sudden remember he needs to make a phone call, etc. When he comes back he’ll either change the subject/suggest we change venues, or just wait for my next move. If I continue being moody, he’s even ended it early on some pretense. I must be annoying him, I should shut up I guess… If I ask, he he says “I can’t even hear my own thoughts with how much you talk… just kidding.” Wonder if you guys think that’s good Game…
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Oh in my little snippet I left out how I’ll say I’m so sorry for venting too much..thanks for listening. Then he’ll be like it’s OK it’s just white noise any way loll. And then he’ll give me a hug etc.
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Sometimes a good opener can be “Why so Serious?” if in a bar and the girl is looking ‘down.’ Sort of singles them out for not enjoying the crowd while everyone else is.
But that can’t be followed by a lackluster, no-energy convo. Has to be followed with some energy to lift the girls spirits.
In other words, don’t follow that with “why are you so serious” & that sort of psychoanalysis. It’s just an opener.
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Absolutely lovelysex. A guy who pays attention to his girls flappy moody mouth is beta and hasn’t done all his learnin yet.
It’s acceptable to pinch your girls lips closed, to point the remote at her and keep pressing the mute button, to generally ignore and not respond to her questions. To tell her “sshhhhh”. To remind her that you are not a girl and that if she wants to blabber she can do so with her girlfriends.
Women can’t stand too much silence but all the demand for attention is trying for a man, who prefers times of quiet sharing. QUIET sharing. As in shut the fuck up.
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Groan! How many times did I make that mistake when I was young and stupid!!
Today I no longer concern myself with daily fluctuations in my wife’s emotional state, but reserve such capital for concern about her physical well-being.
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And firepower bleats on command again! Pavlov would be proud.
Kids take notes: don’t learn a trade, learn to tirade.
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kinda cute when my husband surveys the emotional landscape with, “What’s your madittude?”
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I’m seeing reports of Tiger Woods offering his wife huge sums of money to stay with him in the news.
What a clusterfuck
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Seriously….I just had a string of this when I expressed my disdain for the Holidays. Random men start crawling up my ass about why I don’t like holidays, and “smile sweetie”…..I don’t get why the fuck they’d care either when I’m not fucking them and have no intention of ever fucking them.
It really is gay when men do this. It’s different if it’s a woman you are already “seeing” (so basically halfway to fucking her anyhow)……but attempting to lighten her mood when you barely know her? Common, boring, and gay.
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What it comes down to is that unless I have texted you or called you and ASKED for you to cheer me up, talk to me, or even check on me…..
you’re just irritating me, getting in my business, and getting on my nerves. I don’t like to be bothered unless I ask to be bothered.
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Hey, every time you qualify to Princess Jasmine, a spell comes over me. I’m compelled to show the Brandons, “How PUA Is Done.”
hey, that ‘tirade’ angle is good, quippy material. ‘Punny’ stuff.
When you get lilgrl to engage – that’s the graduate level
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So true. Nobody male or female likes for someone to try to cajole them into an outward show of happiness, when they’re feeling down. It’s just annoying. I’d never do it and any female that tried to force me to be happy rather than just shutting up and holding my hand would never hear from me again. Sometimes people are just in a bad mood, and when they are it’s alright. They’ll get over it. The proper thing to do is to go about your business like nothing’s wrong. Women, being the more emotional of the sexes, need a rock to provide some emotional stability and support. Going to pieces anytime she’s a little upset is about as solid as a bowl of Jello.
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@ FP
It’s okay, I understand.
I understand you know I didn’t qualify, but that I agreed with her. I understand that you’re not such a loser that you view every little interaction with anonymous internet people as a battle of social dynamics. I understand you’re smarter than that.
And I understand that none of that matters, because you have an audience to please. I understand you dance like a little monkey for these people, in hopes that someone likes your quip and says ‘hey I like FP’. I understand that you manipulate, obfuscate, and use sarcasm, simplifications and silly stereotypes in hopes of validation from the crowd.
I understand.
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thanks,
but just try n’ remember, don’t qualify to me. I’m the one with teh penis
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Anonymous
“So, what is the correct response Roissy?”
This question wasn’t directed at me, but I will handle it.
Answer:
Say nothing to her, spark up a smoke, order another drink, and get one of the waitresses phone numbers on the way to the bathroom.
– MPM
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This type of random female moodiness, i.e., moodiness without a clear source, is a shit test of the “double bind” variety. For a guy, you’re damned if you respond directly and you’re screwed if you don’t address it in some fashion.
From the bible on such topics (Franco, South, and Clare’s “Practical Female Psychology”)…
IMO, it’s better to err on the insensitive, impudent side. But whatever you do, try to move her away from the frame or context that’s put her in that funky mood. Briefly acknowledge that you recognize her mood–but without necessarily approving of it or agreeing with it. Then segue into something else such as giving her a task to do or weaving it all into a different topic. “Santa doesn’t bring gifts to girls who pout. Hey, about your friend’s Christmas party…”
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I always assumed “How about a smile?” was a Neg, albeit a lame one.
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I’m afraid to do any sort of whining or pouting around my guy. He’d look at me like, “Why are we seeing each other?” and ditch me. Have to be on my best behavior at all times.
Of course, this is the guy that, when I start whimpering in bed, says “Deal with it” and gets rougher.
Stressful, but hot.
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“You need to ditch that zero
and getcherself a hero”
A true man respects your “no”
Any guy that demands you
cook breakfast afterwards
is a naughty beastykins
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not stressful but hot–hot BECAUSE stressful
the error women make is that they can have a companionate relationship with a compatible man that is “loving” and “caring” and “open” and “calm” AND “hot!!!”
its a classic one-of-these-things-is-not-like-the-other
excitement and contentment are anathema, you get one or the other or if lucky a bracing unpredictable mix of both
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He wouldn’t do it if I didn’t like it. When he whispers that into my ear, I’m just… gone over the edge. He knows it.
And then he takes me out to breakfast. Or lunch. Or dinner. Depending on what time it is.
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Dana,
Exactly. If he didn’t keep me constantly guessing, constantly on edge, I wouldn’t want him or respect him as much. It’s hot because of the uncertainty, of the struggle, of the constantly doing my best to please him in whatever way he tells me to. At the same time, though, he loves me, cares for me, protects me. Couldn’t really ask for a better dynamic.
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how nice of him to buy all your meals. You’ve really planned it well. and to think, i gave you status for being the submissive.
Ive lost interest in you.
you are dismissed
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“is alpha an inherited trait”
There’s probably a genetic limit on how alpha an individual man can be. The goal of every man is to push himself to reach it.
“do gays have alphas”
Yes, they’re called pitchers.
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You are attributing somethings as fundamental when they are equilibrium results.
I am guessing that your emotional state is unpredictable and thus contentment would require a man who is constantly readjusting himself to your needs. This thus implies less alpha behavior.
However, if you were more emotionally stable to start with then an emotionally stable relationship would not be incompatible with hotness.
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Firepower,
Did not realize you had interest in the first place. Somewhat mildly shocked.
He makes significantly more money than I do, so he tends to pay. If it was, financially, the reverse, then I would be paying (as I have in the past, thank you). Or cooking.
You have a good point, though. Once I get one of his residences’ kitchens in order, I’ll have to make him breakfast. Or maybe I’ll bring over my own cooking supplies. Would that be overkill? I’m baking him his favorite pie tomorrow, so if I make breakfast as well, that might be just a little too much. Have to space this stuff out.
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“is alpha an inherited trait?”
If it were, everyone would be alpha.
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Is it just me or does this exchange usually occur the other way around?
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schweet – my bad – if a guy doesn’t have just a house, but a residence, soak him for as much as you can.
Give him the old
Khloe Khardashian
*firepower is off to enjoy
his special weekend*
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@cliff arroyo
From my experience and from observing people, this is important for preserving your own well being and not losing alpha points. But it will not create more attraction (unlike actively being a jerk, which does help after some time). Plenty of paper alphas do ignore the mood, but without the spark it doesn’t help. And those girls could be easy pickings for someone else who can manage her mood.
Also, it can backfire. If she’s pouting / acting up and you ignore her, but end result is both of you are sitting silent at the table or on the couch at home, she still affected you – not with words, but physically. So when you ignore, make sure to “be busy”, to show that right at that moment you are where you want to be and do what you want to do. And storming off to the home office doesn’t count.
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As others have mentioned the best play here is to barely acknowledge her emotionally state.
Seriously, who cares?
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“Sometimes, when training a dog, you have to make that dog feel afraid and pained and chastised. Women are best treated like cherished pets that you dominate and master.”
“She needs the drama. Don’t be selfish – make her cry sometimes.”
Lmao, that’s gold.
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Check out this online poll from The Globe and Mail, Canada’s biggest newspaper:
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/globe-online-poll/article1388017/
Pleasantly surprising.
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OMG…..this site still shocks me daily. There are men who sit here and talk about “training women like dogs” and then turn around and talk about how “evil” women are for treating men badly and not having “empathy”.
And then the “emotional” stuff again. Ugh, if a guy even hugs me more than once when I see him I immediately coin him “a clingy pussy” immediately in my head and move on long before he knows I decided to do so.
It’s just bad advice to say “give her drama”. Dude the moment a man so much as asks “where were u last night?” I know he’s (later down the road) going to want to know my friends, my family, be at my house, in my business, and probably become clingy and jealous and be hard to get rid of. But hey, it’s your funeral….whatever.
*Did Poetry say “cooking” for him???? Omg there is no man alive that cannot cook his own damn dinner. I am glad I have never met a man that expects me to cook for him, because there really isn’t a man alive who deserves having someone “slave” over him. Honestly men are the ones who are supposed to cater to, cajole, sweet-talk, and do favors. Women aren’t supposed to do that. Poetry should know better.*
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JR–
There are other choices.
Though never placate. That’s true. As well, don’t start off trying to help her fix it. It’s not true that women never want that. But they want comfort from a strong sturdy place first, from you.
First of all, contra Roissy’s little vignette, you are talking about relationship down feelings it sounds like.
If she’s pissed off, then teasing her is usually the best thing. That’s right neg her about the things she’s being pissy about. E.g. agree and amplify.
If it’s really more depression or sharp upset, then open your arms wide and invite her to come to you for the hug she needs. Then gentle her. Be her rock. Actually, this can be a good place to go to after negging her sufficiently for being pissed off at bs. Especially if you make her mad at you, or cry. Or even laugh.
If it’s something big, then be willing to listen if she wants to talk. Up to a point. Not endlessly, but a good bit if she really wants to talk, and you have the time and it doesn’t drive you crazy to do this. Some insight from your listening helps as well. Or reframing her perspective, though not in a Panglossian way (which edges into placating).
Only then, if she’s asking you to, offer advice.
Lots of times this should go no further than the teasing, or the hug.
However your basic frame should be that while you’re there for her when she needs you, she shouldn’t be a pain in the ass all the time either. As well you shouldn’t convey any sense of your NEEDING to help her (and you shouldn’t feel that way either. It’s another form of being a provider as your main point of attraction). Just of ability to do so, and slightly reluctant willinessness within limits, since she’s been rewarding about it.
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LSB & SA
I’d say that girls do want help…after they have a chance to vent. When a girl starts talking about something that happened, she wants the other person to hear her out, agree that fate/her boss/her friend/a stranger/the world/etc. is a douchebag. After that, and only after that, does she want anyone to start thinking of a solution. When guys offer up a solution the second she starts talking about her bad day, it seems, to her, like he doesn’t care about her/the situation.
Girls “fix” things by talking them through, calming down, and then finding a solution. Guys “fix” things by going straight to the source. In the same way that it will confuse a girl why a guy doesn’t want to “talk about it”, it confuses guys why a girl doesn’t want to “git’r done”.
That said, I’m sure it frustrates my guy, just a bit, when I don’t want to talk about it and I just want to fix it.
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xsplat–
Yes. Excellent points in this and your follow comment as well.
You do want to be her calm unmovable rock in the face of her drama, though also a hugging, enveloping, comforting daddy when she’s upset enough. But you also want to create drama at other times. Emotional roller coaster — or as you say puppeteer.
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hit her upside the head with your cock!
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Good thread has emerged from a simple post.
Bon, nice blog, we need more stuff on fashion keep it up
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xsplat, tight post
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It depends on what it is. My wife was worried about some thing going on in the house and I told her not to worry about it. Its covered. If its just moodiness then its not really much use to play along. Stare out the window it you like and get back to me when you are done.
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The majority of a woman’s problems are fucking B.S. to begin with. Women want need a man who understands that most of her problems are trivial and emotional based and do not deserve ten seconds of your time as a man.
In other words, you are the mountain, and she is the river.
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The “strike” code didn’t work. Women NEED, not want.
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@Carl Sagan
Well I care because who wants a basket case? However women have all the emotional support they need from their girl friends. I am not going to help much. If she needs something killed, that I can do.
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“Being Spock is a tool. If it’s the only tool you have you get what Spock gets. No passion in his life and no way to keep a woman intrigued.”
Yeah, but what about Spock’s dad? He kept a woman (a human one, no less!) intrigued enough to stay married to him for decades, and he was as emotionless as Spock.
BTW, if you’re interested in this sort of thing, the actor who played Spocks’ father was in a great episode of a (very) short-lived ’80s sci fi TV series called Otherworld. I blogged about it back in February, Preoccupied with 1985.
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You can’t keep a woman emotionally engaged if you don’t emotionally engage her. Being aloof is skill that is talked about often in PUA conversations because young guys tend to need to learn that first. Young guys tend to be at the whim of women’s drama and manipulation. But because it is an important initial step on the way out of betahood, it gets overplayed.
Being aloof is not enough, and not alpha.
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So how do you emotionally engage her?
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Off-topic:
This reminded me of the link where a hot girlfriend broke her bitch boy’s Xbox. Well, Yahoo splashed their front page with some hot chick named Kim Sears, so I naturally clicked on it. Apparently she broke it off with some tennis pro named Andy Murray because he’s been spending too much time in front of the PS3.
http://sports.yahoo.com/ten/blog/busted_racquet/post/Andy-Murray-gets-dumped-for-playing-too-many-vid?urn=ten,206655
The last video game system I owned was a Nintendo 64. Is that something you’re supposed to grow out of? If you have millions of dollars like this Murray guy, I’d think you could do more exciting things than spend 7 hours a day in front of a TV screen (how about a computer screen, responding to blogs?). Plus, this lurpy fucker would play tennis simulations.
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It’s not about being “spock” or emotionless. It’s about having your own set of emotions. What she does and how she feels does not affect your emotional state. However, you can be happy, sad, angry, excited, and feel a full range of emotions, just on your own terms.
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And to Jay, you emotionally engage a girl by being interesting, fun, and someone she wants to be with. She will fall into your reality if she likes you. If a girl is mad or sad, if I just ignore the fact and carry on like I normally do, she’ll eventually come around, because she gets bored of being dumpy.
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ok
makes sense but common folly for many.
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What do y’all think of this:
………………………………….
***READER QUESTION***
Hi Stephane,
This is my first time ever doing something like this but you
seem very legitimate and honest and i want to understand why
i feel this way. Basically i have been broken up with my ex
for 6 months. we have not spoken or seen each other in that
time . i spoke to a mutual friend between us and that’s the
closest contact that i’ve had. i feel very weak because
throughout the relationship i was always dominating and
coming out on top with her chasing me and this is how it’s
been with other girls as well but i chased her at the very
begging of the break up and exposed how V ulnerable i was.
She starting dating 2 weeks after the break up. i showed
zero emotion and now it’s to the point where i feel the no
contact rule is not working and i am upset at myself for
still caring about her and missing her. i miss her
physically, im always remembering the little details of her
and i want this to stop. i want to know what to do about
this situation of missing her which in turn hurts my
masculinity and i feel that i have a block when it comes to
getting girls now.
>>>COMMENTS:
One of the funniest realizations that “hit me like a ton of
bricks” one day is this idea that if you just do the exact
polar opposite of what’s taught in the online ‘pickup
community’, you’ll finally succeed beyond your wildest
dreams. I almost fell off my chair laughing when that
thought first came to mind, because there is so much literal
truth to it.
I certainly don’t want to come off as being negative or
‘anti-community’. As my teacher says, “If you prefer
chocolate, you don’t need to judge or demonize vanilla.”
So let me make it clear that while I do believe the great
majority of what’s taught online leads in the direction
called ‘hell’, I’m not ‘anti’ anything, but I am
pro-Heaven, so to speak. True happiness is the only
thing that matters to me, and I’ve long since let go of
the illusion that large quantities of women are the
’cause’ of happiness.
The adherence to simple spiritual truths eventually reveals
the utter simplicity of Womanizing. So let’s take a quick
look at how, if you were to choose to go in the opposite
direction, your life would ostensibly get much easier.
* Instead of trying to ‘be cool’ and ‘dominate’ women to get
them to ‘chase’ you, do the opposite. Let go of being cool,
and openly love them. Let a woman know that you’re
sincerely interested, and hold nothing back. Stop trying to
become ‘rejection proof’, it’s lose-lose. (Note: to
openly love a woman, first you must know what that means.
It is not what you think; Love is non-emotional and non-needy
in the extreme.)
* You exposed how V ulnerable you were during the break-up.
The ego/mind wants you to think this means you are weak.
Just the opposite is the truth. V ulnerability is the only
true courage there is.
* You state that you like to show zero emotion. Actually,
you might also want do the very opposite of this. To become
nonreactive, you first have to master your emotional
expressions, by letting your emotions out the moment they
come up. Repressing emotions and pretending they don’t
exist because you want the girl to think you’re ‘so
cool’ is, once again, the exact polar opposite of what will
lead you to emotional maturity and transcendence. You can
only do this when you can openly admit your ‘downside’ to
women, instead of pridefully hiding your humanness and
being cold-as-ice or pretending you’re ‘perfect’. To
transcend emotionality and achieve the true state of
non-reactiveness, you first have to “walk through the
storms” and feel all of your human emotions consciously
and fully, turning each and every single emotion into
a meditation. Thus, you can’t get to University until
you’ve completed high school.
* You mention the “no contact rule”, but to Womanize you
must throw away all of your rules and learn to be
spontaneous and fully human. Right now you’re just running
programs on women to control them. This is how you’ll end
up getting mostly ‘whoors’, and it’ll make you more and
more cynical, guarded, and paranoid. Again, in this case,
the opposite of what you’ve learned from ‘the community’
is the way out of hell.
* Speaking of paranoia, yours seems to boil down to the
intense fear that women will think you’re “needy.”
Instead of covering up your downside and pretending it
doesn’t exist, instead of hiding yourself behind a wall of
‘dating programs’ and rules, it is best to learn to be
honest with yourself and others. Of course you’re
“needy”, otherwise you wouldn’t be in this mess to begin
with. Welcome to the human condition. Your neediness
does not make you unlovable, you see? The way out of
neediness is to just transcend desire, and also letting go of
judgmentalism, which makes the relinquishing of the
wanting of anything from others possible.
* You mention you’re upset at yourself for still caring
about and missing your ex-girlfriend. Again, go in the
opposite direction. You should consider yourself lucky to
be someone who cares about others. To let go of caringness
is a very dangerous step that takes you in the direction
called hell. Missing someone doesn’t hurt your masculinity,
as you claim. (Take a look inside your pants. I’m sure
your ‘masculinity’ is doing just fine. No need to worry
about your masculinity, but do ‘worry’ about your
Integrity.)
* The core program which seems to be running you can be
clearly stated as, “He who loves least controls the
relationship.” When this program ‘colors’ everything you
say and do with a woman, you’re actually selling your soul
for the purpose of narcissistic gain and animal gratification.
Again, pragmatically, doing the opposite of almost
everything you’ve learned from the great majority of online
‘pickup schools’ is how you can reclaim your innocence.
As you can see, Unconditional Love is far from ‘weak’, and
actually it is not for the faint-hearted. The pathway is
demanding, as it is one of Radical Truth.
Your intellect doesn’t have the necessary power that’s
needed for Womanizing to any significant degree. No matter
how clever and smart you are, nothing less than
Unconditional Love is going to suffice. That’s why you can
get a hundred different programs that promise you success
with the ladies, and just end up broke. Unless they too
are sharing authentic ways to elevate your consciousness to
Unconditional Love, as well-intended as many of them are,
they lack spiritual power and awareness of context.
We’re talking about picking up women, and dating them, and
enjoying healthy relationships. This is perhaps one of the
single most difficult life areas one can ever hope to
master. Without the power of spiritual truth, like I said,
the intellect is not powerful enough to do the job. A woman
is a complex human being with a soul. Unless you have the
discernment of a psychiatrist, and the self-awareness of an
advanced Zen Master — good luck to you.
Most people believe that love is an emotion, is something
that needs to be earned, that it leads to a loss of reality-testing,
that it results in others losing confidence in your strength, and
so on. The exact opposite of these opinions are the truth.
The Love I am talking about is not hollywood love, nor is
it the love that many people pay great lip-service to and
sing songs about. There’s a lot of talking about love, but
talk is cheap.
Love is actually all there is; everything else is just a
perceptual illusion. It isn’t that people have no love,
they ARE it. However, people do lack the awareness of love,
and this is what accounts for the two main problems in the
world of pickup, dating, and relationships, which are as
follows:
1. S ocial paranoia. This is often called Approach A nxiety,
or Fear-of-Rejection, and it results in the mind living in
constant worry both prior to, and during, s ocial
interactions. The s ocially paranoid mind wants to mentally
rehearse interactions before they begin, and it expends a
significant amount of life energy trying to mentally
“troubleshoot” conversations in one’s imagination long
after they have ended.
2. Defensiveness. The downside of false ideas and opinions
is that they need to be guarded and defended. It requires a
lot of energy to be aligned with falsity and illusions,
which require unending justifications. This proclivity
stems from ‘icy cold’ Pride, which tends to ‘puff up’
and ‘be cool’ and is associated with indifference and
especially denial. (Note that pride is actually 100%
loveless, as it is purely selfish. Pride excludes, while
Love includes.)
So these are the two main issues to be overcome. The
problem with s ocial paranoia and defensiveness is that
they totally preclude/block/prevent the awareness of love.
Love is not an ‘action’ or a ‘doingness’, but is
actually a condition that emerges spontaneously and
automatically when the blocks to its awareness are
removed.
For an advanced, step-by-step education in the art of
Womanizing, click here:
http://www.ideagasms.net/how-to-womanize/
Thanks for your question.
Many Blessings,
Stephane Hemon
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“Hey, babe, how ’bout some hot sex to take your mind off of it,” would really be better.
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and not only that .. . but it’s fucking annoying …
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CP, I hear Stephane’s lady left him and he went crazy.
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I think Roissy would be amused by this display of betaness:
http://sports.yahoo.com/golf/blog/devil_ball_golf/post/Details-of-Elin-Woods-newly-rewritten-prenup-em;_ylt=AouvZ6nCwWIUgDGZG3MdoqwogsUF?urn=golf,206529
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CP
What do y’all think of this:
I think it’s cuntastic garbage. Post that kind of useless, obscurantist shit somewhere else.
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@W, Libby ..
“I think it’s cuntastic garbage. Post that kind of useless, obscurantist shit somewhere else.”
True, this is a step backward to beta-ness .. guys, it is easy to be beta .. and living in an easy state might make you feel happy .. it doesn’t mean you are actually better off.
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Thanks CP…that was one of the best parts of the thread.
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and totally unrelated…can someone PLEASE kick John Mayer’s ass?? HARD?
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Roissy,
You need to do a story on “Foxy Knoxy as Maneater”: A modern day witch has been caught.
Many in the Liberal Press are dismissing this murder as ‘Railroading of an Innocent abroad’ like some Henry James novel…..or Anti-Americanism.
A few censored NYT blog comments are accurately casting her as a Socio-Path unable to stop smiling at her kill, female and male.
She is a tumor on American Womanhood and in her most benign form has exposed a rotting foundation that is spreading unchecked far and wide in the USA.
As many know, the “Jr. Year Abroad” has been a genteel fixture of young ladies seeking mediteranean lust for generations going back to Jackie-O. Most went, studied a bit, and slept alot with older Professors, young playboys and just swarthy locals who made their squeaky clean red-necks back home look bland. Then after sowing said wild oats, they came back and settled back in the USA, with none the wiser.
None of this matters, except when the socio-path enters. Her shakles thrown off, she destroys at will. Cloaked in the novelty of the exotic, uninhibited American, she is the Blackwidow as Butterfly.
Beware, her Myspace page is the Miss Jekyl/Hyde, that many game-players here engage on a daily basis and ‘know’. These are the women who endear rage, wrath, and fury in civilized man.
Her herpes sores erupted only when trapped, revealing her rotting soul. Many more infest our society, not condemned by an ancient paternalstic society that will not accept a praying mantiss godess.
Heed the warning: You have seen a witch.
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“True, this is a step backward to beta-ness .. guys, it is easy to be beta .. and living in an easy state might make you feel happy .. it doesn’t mean you are actually better off.”……………………
What would be “better off” than being happy?
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@ Silver Fox: There is no credible evidence that Miss Knox AKA Foxy Knoxy is guilty of murder, or anything more than being a typical American college gal abroad (ie a narcissitic drunken jizz-guzzler). I can’t improve on the excellent article here:
http://www.the-spearhead.com/2009/12/04/amanda-knox-and-the-price-american-women-pay/
The Italian justice system places a lot of power in the hands of quasi-independent prosecutors, and this one is a complete nutcase. This is the same guy who botched the infamous Monster of Florence case (the worst serial killer/s in Italian history) — he ignored mountains of actual evidence, preferring to see patterns of Satanic ritual abuse. Evidence for all this? Um, none. But he did have a psychic or two, connected to the Catholic Church, telling him about the (totally imaginary) Satanists.
The wrong people got arrested, even convicted, due to prosecutorial nuttiness. Just like the Knox case. She’ll eventually get freed on appeal. Happily, this sort of thing could not (easily) happen here — it’s a special Italian, media-driven kind of insanity.
Amanda is a nasty little piece of work, though hardly different from literally millions of YAHs (Young American Harpies). She seems to have found her center in this hellish legal ordeal.
She is (was?) a self-absorbed and slutty college chick, fer sure. But a murderer? No.
Esq.
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I’m the anonymous who posted the question:
“So, what is the correct response Roissy?”
This actually happened to me yesterday. A female friend of mine was very upset, for good reason.
She sat with her head on chest crying in a pool hall. I did nothing, except stroke her back. I just waited until she’d finished, then talked about something else.
And to my complete surprise it worked. She cheered up quite quickly.
Later in the evening she kissed me and I wasn’t even trying to game her.
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Roissy,
Common mistakes men do., Do this, dont do that….
Breaking sets and walking out with 7s, 8s or 9s is no easy pickings…Im quite content these days collecting head monsters that are 6s and 7s….and when I think about how few days I actually spend with these strange women anyway, this is the way to go anymore.
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@CP,
“What would be “better off” than being happy?”
Dude(?), The need to be happy all the time is new-agey bullshit. In some situations being beta and acting like a supplicant will give you positive feelings .. but this does not mean you are on the right track .. Emotions are very often ineffective heuristic indicators .. The community has spent a lot of time understanding and digesting through “hyped” field reports and all that .. one truth that has very clearly emerged in all this is that we should not blindly trust our “feelings” ..
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dude, im not talking about “happy” in a new-agey sort of way, im talking about genuine contentment and self satisfaction.
something that peacocking in smelly bars will never produce
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Couldn’t agree more, nothing says “Needy” like caring for a loved one.
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And genuine happiness is something that you can achieve after learning game. If peacocking in smelly bars is what it takes to achieve that sort of happiness than what is wrong with that?
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@Esquire … what was that country you went to where the women approach you? 🙂
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vietnam
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Xsplat:
In regards to your comment on dog training. It is very foolish to teach a dog to be afraid of you. This is the quickest way to take an otherwise tame animal and make it aggressive.
If you train a dog correctly, enforcing positive behavior and ignoring negative behavior (and the dog as well) you will find simply ignoring the dog will upset him, doing this while concurrently praising the dog for good behavior will quickly teach the dog to assume the behaviors you want him to. You must also remain calm and confident. Hitting a dog in anger does not teach the dog you are the pack leader, it teaches him you are to be challanged as you are not in control of yourself or the pack.You are also teaching the dog he will receive attention when he misbehaves. This will teach dogs to act out when they want attention.
A good leader need not raise their voice nor hit out of anger. A good leader is confident in their position, so confident that whatever the dog does means so little that he will receive no attention from the leader when he misbehaves.
I have also used these techniques with great success on people. It is interesting how similiar we are.
For a group of people who use terms designated for ranks within wolf packs, you clearly have little understanding of how their social structure (and ours) works.
When done right, achieving a more dominant status will inspire people to naturally follow you. Ruling by intimidation causes people to rebel, overconfidence comes off reeking of insecurity and weakness and playing manipulative games are silly and unnecessary, if you need to do this, you are not in control.
It is always best to proceed in a calm, quiet, intelligent and confident manner.
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Pheonix, you a wrong.
Full of yourself. Which is to say full of crap.
There are times when intimation is used in the aninam kingdom in social packs. Especially among primates.
And times when it’s used to good effect among people.
I’ve also read material on training unrully dogs. Sometimes you need to get physical.
When you don’t, you don’t. You only escalate when you have to escalate.
Equating being physical or even angry with being out of control is spock speak. Spock is no leader of men nor women.
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L: “I am glad I have never met a man that expects me to cook for him, because there really isn’t a man alive who deserves having someone “slave” over him. Honestly men are the ones who are supposed to cater to, cajole, sweet-talk, and do favors. Women aren’t supposed to do that.”
Someone’s chain is a ltittle too long. How often do you dream about having a penis?
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