Film Your Bangs

Now there’s a second good reason — besides the obvious benefit of compiling a porn oeuvre of your ex-girlfriends to whack off to in your dotage — to film all your bangs. It just might save you from a false rape charge.

Ndonye has already been kicked out of college for the false report and has been hiding out since. She’s refused to talk about her recanted claims she was tied up and gang raped inside a dormitory bathroom after a video of the incident emerged and shot holes in her original assertions.

Prosecutors said she cracked and changed her story when they told her about a videotape.

“The turning point was when she was confronted with the fact that there may exist a video of some or all of the incident. The woman began to reveal the truth about what happened,” Nassau County District Attorney Kathleen Rice said.

Investigators said the video showed no ropes, no ties and no force.

The bitch’s full name is Danmel Ndonye. DANMEL NDONYE. Shout it from the rooftops. A mass public shaming so great that it drives her to suicide would be justice well served. In the meantime, I’d settle for a few years behind bars.

So, lesson learned. Film your bangs, gentlemen. Thanks, feminists!

(My gameplan is to make the red record light as natural a part of foreplay as tender kisses on the neck.)

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Being A Beta Is Worse Than…

…being this guy:

Hope’s boyfriend.

An anonymous reader sent me this photo with the following message: “gets more tail than all the herbs and betas on this site”.

What’s going on here? Clearly, Wolfman has a genetic mutation. Some things we know:

Chicks dig gnarly mutations.
Chicks especially dig gnarly mutations that confer a measure of fame upon the sufferer.
Chicks dig testosterone overload.
Man fur is a leading indicator of big balls swollen with testosterone.

What we don’t know is whether these cute girls* are banging Wolfman or if they’re just posing with him because of the novelty. *(I can’t tell if every girl pictured is the same girl. You know how it is. All look same.) Assuming this is his girlfriend(s), and that banging is going on, you have to tip your hat to the guy. He’s doing better than 70% of hirsutely normal betas whose faces girls can see.

In related news, Roosh rubbed his thick facial carpet while exclaiming “I’m not worthy!”.

I think I will start a new series called “Being A Beta Is Worse Than…”. The comparisons are limitless!

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Science Proves Women Are Secret Sluts

I was recently invited to join the moderated Yahoo group “Evolutionary Psychology”. Curious, I moseyed on over to take a gander and found a link to this study which raised my testosterone-laden eyebrow:

Study reveals complexities of female arousal

September 21st, 2009 in Medicine & Health / Psychology & Psychiatry

Challenging the idea that women’s sexual motivations are tied exclusively to romantic emotions or reproduction, a new study by psychologists at The University of Texas at Austin found women’s sexual decisions are motivated by a shocking array of reasons that range from the mundane (“I was bored”) to a sense of adventure (“I wanted to know what it was like before getting married”), and from the altruistic (“I felt sorry for him”) to the borderline evil (“I wanted to give him a sexually transmitted disease”).

“Understanding why women have sex is extremely important, but rarely studied,” said David M. Buss, evolutionary psychology professor. “One thing that’s interesting about our study is that it goes against the stereotype that men desire sex for pleasure while women have sex only for love or commitment.”

Detailed in their new book “Why Women Have Sex: Understanding Sexual Motivations from Adventure to Revenge (and Everything in Between),” Buss and Cindy M. Meston, clinical psychology professor, collected personal accounts from more than 1,000 women of diverse educational, ethnic and religious backgrounds on their reasons for having sex.

“We knew motivations for sex were more complex than what had previously been talked about in the literature—having a baby, love and physical pleasure,” Meston said. “But we were still astonished by the amazing diversity of sexual motivations—from curing a headache to feeling closer to God to getting their partners to take out the trash.”

Other findings:

• Thirty-one percent of women, at some point, purposely evoked jealousy in their sex partner, compared with only 17 percent of men.
• Eighty-four percent of wives, at some point, said they had sex out of a sense of duty, compared with 64 percent of husbands.
• Thirty-eight percent of women admit to “poaching” someone for a short-term fling.
• Fifty percent of women reported having sex to cure a migraine headache.
• Women, in general, are turned on by men with deep voices and symmetrical bodies.

Yes, women like to fuck. But there is a caveat. They only like to fuck men higher than them in status. Female hypergamy doesn’t disappear; it just acclimates to changing incentive structures. Tyler Durden was hitting upon a truth when he wrote about the existence of a matrix-like secret society. A small pool of alpha males really is hogging a disproportionate amount of vaj action when that vaj is at its most desirable. The fact that most betas eventually settle down with a road-worn, heart-stomped wife in their late 20s/early 30s doesn’t disprove the reality of the secret society.

Regarding the findings, is anyone surprised that women deliberately evoke more jealousy in their partners than do men in theirs? Chicks are natural drama whores. If they aren’t getting their drama fix their holes close up and become dry like sandpaper. The alpha male, with his beguiling aloofness, multiple partner juggling, unspoken ability to score new pussy on a whim, unpredictable outbursts of occasional anger, and steady stream of neg hits, is like a walking minstrel show to a girl. Snagging one as a boyfriend means the Shakespearean fun never ends!

I’ve written before that the men who are most successful at seducing women are the men who co-opt women’s tools of the trade. They steal women’s most powerful weapons and use them against her in the battlefield of mate choice. Seducing women as a woman seduces a man leaves her incapacitated, defenseless to your charms. They know not how to respond because they’ve encountered so few of your kind.

Eighty-four percent of wives, at some point, said they had sex out of a sense of duty, compared with 64 percent of husbands.

Audacious Epigone posted some General Social Survey data (reader beware: the GSS should be taken with a grain of salt on the subject of human sexuality and sex habits) purporting to show that married men have just as much sex as single men who aren’t losers with women. Note that if more wives than husbands are submitting to sex out of a sense of duty instead of a sense of lusty vigor, you can be sure that the sex lives of the single men are a hell of a lot more fun than the dreary two stroke tangos with dead fish that the married men stoically endure.

Thirty-eight percent of women admit to “poaching” someone for a short-term fling.

Preselection, yo. Experience with women compels a man to put his dog on a higher pedestal. Or his plasma TV.

Fifty percent of women reported having sex to cure a migraine headache.

Which is promptly restored from banging her noggin against the headboard.

Women, in general, are turned on by men with deep voices and symmetrical bodies.

If man was made in god’s image, was god symmetrical, or intriguingly idiosyncratic, like Lyle Lovett?

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The Conventional Wisdom

Many readers sent me this article from CNN.com called “18 things to teach your sons about women”. Juicy lede, eh? Because it was written by a woman attempting to give advice about men, there is much potential for unintended humor. As little as women know about their own natures, they know even less about men’s. I described in this post why this is so:

Since men are [primarily] the chosen in the mating dance, they have to be more aware of reality than do women. If men ignore reality, they risk involuntary celibacy. If a woman looks attractive (which is most of them during their prime fertile years), she can ignore reality to her heart’s content as unicorns and rainbows shower her in cellophane raindrops and still have suitors lined up around the block to fuck her.

So I’m not expecting much. The conventional wisdom has morphed into something resembling the “femifocal wisdom”, what with the mass media infiltrated by and geared toward women, with men being relegated to small outposts like “The World’s Most Dangerous Jobs: Ice Truckers”. Anytime you read an article in a putatively mainstream outlet like CNN, even a front page article, you are actually reading a woman’s warped point of view, which, truth be told, is worse than useless information — reading it will make most men’s lives more miserable.

These 18 bullet points of WHAT WOMEN WANT seem like perfect fodder for the whip-wielders at the Chateau to examine and flay to pieces.

1. Pick your battles.

Surprisingly, the author is off to a reasonable start. Alpha males (you know, the men women find most attractive) don’t sweat the small stuff. Let her win some of the insignificant arguments that don’t matter to you. Of course, you’ll put up a false front that the issue is extremely important to your manly sense of pride, so that when you finally cave she will be awash with gratitude and blowjobs love.

2. Walk on the outside (closer to the street) of your female companion.

Meh. Standard alpha procedure. The author intuitively understands (under the rubric of chivalry) that not all male body language is created equal. Some positions are more dominant than others. 2 for 2.

3. Saying “You’re being crazy” is never an appropriate response, unless you want her to go postal on you.

No doubt the author has been called crazy by a man she dated. I haven’t had too many women go postal on me because I correctly noted their crazy-assedness. If the bitch is crazy, it’s one of many appropriate responses. 2 for 3.

4. Cooking, cleaning, and taking care of kids are things men can actually do as well as women.

Is she trying to teach her future son the fine art of living like a eunuch? While this is technically true for cooking and cleaning, (the evidence suggests men are not as psychologically equipped as women for the task of raising small children), in practice men don’t do these things as well as women because they have less interest in doing them. Women need to grasp that their demands for cleaner homes are *their* oddball proclivities; most men are perfectly content letting dust accumulate, books remain unshelved, and toddlers eat their poop. 2 for 4 for teaching your son to be more like a woman. All the furious fembot shrieking to the contrary, chicks don’t dig kitchen bitches, lady.

5. Keep backup supplies of quality chocolate in the house for her to raid.

For what? To fatten her up? 2 for 5.

6. Buying tampons and other feminine products shouldn’t embarrass you –everyone knows they’re not for you.

I actually once had a girlfriend leave me because I wouldn’t go into CVS to buy her tampons. That wasn’t the sole reason for the breakup, of course, but it was one straw too many on the camel’s back. If she’s with you, she buys the feminine products, and you buy the masculine products. This is the way of the universe. To do otherwise is the way of the eunuchracy. 2 for 6.

7. Women like compliments and gifts.

Correction: Women like compliments and gifts in small doses and when least expected. A man must make his woman earn her specialness. I’ll give her this one out of mercy. 3 for 7.

8. Earning less than her shouldn’t be emasculating.

Put “shouldn’t” in one hand and “but it will” in the other, and see which one fills up first. Exception: If you are a man with game or other positive male attractiveness attributes, you can afford to handicap yourself in relative relationship earning power (RREP). 3 for 8.

9. Be on time, even if she usually isn’t.

Massive correction: Never be on time during the courtship phase, and occasionally be late while in a relationship, even if she usually *is* on time. 3 for 9.

10. Don’t be a pouty puppy when shopping with her.

How about “Don’t be a pouty puppy… ever”? Blatantly obvious. If you hate shopping, smack her ass and tell her to have fun, you’re going golfing. Women tingle ginarrifically for men with limits. 4 for 10.

11. Find out what her favorite flower is.

This is a good one, and true. I have had success recalling my girl’s favorite flower and giving it to her at a later date. It’s a small token of affection that will cost you almost nothing. 5 for 11.

12. If you like her, then don’t buy her shoes; it’s bad luck.

Never heard this before, but I’d say it’s a bad move to buy her shoes regardless of the karmic retribution. Do you really want to positively reward the blossoming of her latent princess? 6 for 12.

13. Smiling and nodding aren’t the same as listening.

But they’re close enough for government work. However, most men should do a better job of listening, if for no other reason than that it helps them get out of their heads and into the moment. 7 for 13.

14. It’s OK to cry in front of her, but keep the blubbering to a minimum.

No, it’s not, unless he knows how to emote like an alpha. 7 for 14.

15. Personality goes a long way.

True, but trite. The author is really putting herself out there! 8 for 15.

16. At some point she’ll be more important than your mother.

I hear this lament from women in the media constantly, but in reality how many men remain stuck at the teat of their mothers? Most men I know hardly ever talk about their moms. Maybe this a racial thing, or a *cough* Jewish thing, but my experience is that the momma’s boy complaint is overblown. 9 for 16 for being so brave to tell a hackneyed truth.

17. You will never completely understand women.

Keep telling yourself that, toots. The lid is blown off this joint. 9 for 17.

18. Oh yeah, and no woman will ever be good enough for my baby!

What if she’s pre-Seal Heidi Klum? 9 for 18.

***

The author, a representess of the gina-soaked conventional wisdom, didn’t do too badly. 50%. With some more study into the true nature of men and women she could bump up to an F+, thereby giving her hypothetical son a chance to avoid getting LJBF’ed for the entirety of his teens and 20s. But if we were grading on a curve, she would earn a zero, because half of her points are so vaguely prosaic that it would be impossible to find fault with them, and the half that have some meat on the bone are horrendously ignorant of reality.

Now if it were me giving advice to my hypothetical son, I’d steer him down the path of illumination.

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Owning A Dog Is Training For Owning A Woman

I was sitting on a bench in a compact, refurbished dog park that had been covered in a fake grass like Astroturf — call it Turdturf — upon which 15 or 20 dogs were frolicking and licking each others’ balls while their owners talked amongst themselves and tried to avoid stepping on the smaller dogs. After spending some time wondering where the dog piss drains in the fake grass, I poked my companion.

“Check out that guy over there. The guy with the boxer. His dog is totally owning him.”

In the middle of the park a khaki-wearing herb was being ritually humiliated by his burly boxer. The dog ignored him, disobeyed him, and generally made a nuisance of itself careening into other dogs and people and sniffing a multitude of crotches with tremendous gusto. The herb feebly tried to corral his dog, begging and pleading with it to behave, and the dog… well, I’m almost positive the dog laughed at him, if dogs can do such a thing. The dog had a look that said “Yeah, this tool gives me free food. What a chump!” It was a demonstration of pure mockery, dog owning owner.

The whole scene reaffirmed a belief I have that properly owning a dog is excellent training for properly owning a woman. The behavior of dogs and women is eerily similar, and their relation to man testifies to that.

Like dogs, women need to be led. They *want* to be led. In fact, though they will never admit it, women want to be owned by their men. (I loved that he was so powerful I was nothing. – O on her lover)

Like dogs, women will walk all over you if you let them.

Like dogs, women will test you for your alpha status the moment you show weakness. There’s nothing dogs and women loathe more than being adrift in a non-hierarchical relationship. They both need to slip comfortably behind you in an established pecking order. It is there they find deep, true happiness and contentment.

Like dogs, women need to be trained. Shit tests are essentially a woman telling you “Please train me to respect you.” Oblige her.

Like dogs, women respond best to strong verbal and nonverbal commands. If you stare down a dog, it will always turn away first, if it recognizes your authority. Women will do the same.

Like dogs, women will eventually take to the leash, metaphorical or literal.

Like dogs, women want to be told to roll over.

Like dogs, women will hump anything if you allow them.

Dog training is alpha training; keeping a dog in line and assuming the role of pack leader will redound to other areas of your life. The skills and mindset required to rule the dog pack are not much different than the game required to rule a woman. You will soon learn what it means to have a commanding presence when you are the owner of a naturally unruly dog.

I have no doubt that the herb with the disobedient boxer is a doormat in his relationship, if he is in one. I’m sure that, like his boxer shits on the carpet, his girlfriend shits on his soul. If you are a beta, my advice is to save the $5,000 you would spend on a seduction workshop and instead pick up a dog at your local shelter. Since you will not be sexually attracted to the dog, you will find it very easy to work on your alpha leadership skills with it. Then what you learn with the dog will carry over into your dealings with women.

PS: Has the Afghan hound always been the dog of choice of the upper class? I can see why. The dog looks snobby, and it never sniffs the ground. Afghans keep their heads up when walking. It might as well be called the Alpha hound.

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Alpha Male Cage Match

The winner of the first alpha male cage match was Silvio Berlusconi, by a whopping margin. 72 years old and still chasing skirt without apology.

On to match #2.

VS.

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August 2009 Beta Of The Month

The crack team of Chateau Beta of the Month researchers took a couple weeks off, so the August 2009 BOTM is tardy. Or fashionably late, if you prefer the reframe.

The winner of the July 2009 BOTM, by a wide margin, was Travis D’arby, the SWPL self-parody who can’t figure out why his wife has so many male Facebook friends, and why she won’t accept his friend invitation. She also has the gall to tell him, when he confronts her with the evidence, to keep his beta nose out of her business. They of course talk it out over dinner like the sophisticated urbane couple they are and come to some sort of closure involving “love and understanding” which, in chick language, translates as “the wife continues fucking around on her pathetic husband while he respects her privacy to fuck around on him.”

Congratulations, Travis, your balls have now been shipped to the nearest Ripley’s Believe It Or Not museum for display. Electron microscope required for viewing. And you can stop bobbing your head in the car to “It’s Raining Men”.

August 2009 BOTM Candidate #1 was submitted by reader Billy Blaze and tells the story of a high society blueblood who proves that wealth and social status aren’t enough to shield a man from collapsing into a beta black hole of his own making.

Topper was in Florida for the wedding of one of his longtime moneyed bros. Tinsley, the little trollop, was supposed to join him later at the rehearsal dinner and bring shoes for him to wear. That’s where the trouble started.

In case it isn’t clear, Topper is the man, Tinsley is his wife. You’ve gotta love the faggy and princessy names the upper class gives to their kids. Just as mockable as ghetto and hillbilly names.

Anyhow, Tinsley texted Topper (sounds like the name of a chick flic) to inform him she couldn’t make it to the rehearsal dinner. That’s because Tinsley was busy getting banged out by a European aristotrash.

Tinsley had run off to get boned by a German aristocrat/prince named Casimir Wittgenstein-Sayn, news Topper shared with some of the couple’s friends.

Topper e-mailed his friends to explain: “I know I have involved you guys in our problems and that was wrong. Tinsley is at fault of course but Casi [sic] never gave her a chance to breathe even when I asked him to give us space. He was manipulative and overbearing. I love my wife and we are going to do what we can to salvage this marriage.”

Did you get that? Topper discovers his wife’s infidelity and the guy she’s doing it with, and responds in a most manly fashion by kindly asking the good European gentleman to refrain for a time from drilling Tinsley so that he can work on his marriage, i.e. beg her to come back and give him a reason to go on living.

Topper’s plans for the future include, you guessed it, rushing to forgive his cheap whore of a wife and living out his lonely days in a self-imposed torment of soulripping introspection.

He’s become a full-time smoker. He’s lost weight. He wakes up at precisely 3:25 every morning and plays over and over the reality show his life became. Still, he hasn’t entirely abandoned the idea that she’ll come back. “I love my wife” is all he’ll tell me.

Topper, old sport, you’ve got money, status and youth. Admit that your wife is a filthy whore, stop thinking about her, go to Scores and get yourself a hot stripper for some fun. Whatever you do, don’t cry about your wife to her. Cause she ain’t coming back, although if she catches news of you boffing a stripper she might consider it.

******

August 2009 BOTM Candidate #2 was submitted by Willard Libby. It’s an article about a supremely emasculated man’s wife who started a blog not five months into their marriage to chronicle her husband’s annoying habits. Or, in words this blog’s readers could better appreciate, to utterly humiliate him in public. You can see her blog here.

For his part, [Tiffanie] Wong’s husband, WPIX-TV reporter Mark Joyella, sees the humor in his wife’s blog and has no problem with the outside world knowing of his foibles.

“To me, it’s kind of a tribute to all husbands,” said Joyella, 43, who works for the weekend show “Toni On! New York.”

“I’m sure all husbands have their own quirks.”

Some of Joyella’s most annoying habits, according to his wife’s blog, include his love of fart jokes, the fact he wears the same zip-up green sweater in every family photograph and his inability to figure out the TV remote.

“I’ll ask him to record a show for me and it ends up being Univision or something,” Wong said.

“Have you seen that remote?” Joyella countered. “It has like 50 buttons on it.”

Wong (notice she didn’t take his name) says she loves her husband, but how much longer can she go on feeling love for a man she castrates every day in front of an anonymous public audience cheering on her every revelation? Mark Joyella, for his part, seems like a happy-go-lucky goofball who’s masochistically enjoying the infamy, but he should be careful; aloofness will only buy him so much time. Eventually, a wife who doesn’t respect you enough to keep your dirty laundry private will begin loathing your betaness. Her gina tingles will roam in search of stronger cock antennae.

******

August 2009 BOTM Candidate #3 was submitted by reader West Coast Life. It’s about Sheryl Weinstein, the married woman who had a yearlong affair with Ponzi King Bernie Madoff sixteen years ago. She has just written an opportunistic book about her time as Madoff’s mistress, and in the interview linked to she describes how her husband reacted to her book.

How have your husband and son reacted to the book?
Well, my husband read most of the book. My son hasn’t read it, but he has been very loving and very, very supportive. My husband has also been supportive. It’s something that happened 16 years ago. [My marriage] was a 21-year relationship; the affair lasted about a year or a year and a half. [So] it wasn’t like, “Surprise, I’ve been having an affair for 20 years.” It was more like, “Surprise, I had an affair 15 or 16 years ago.” We’ve really worked hard on our marriage since then, and things have come around, but this really terrible thing happened to us.

Note the sleight of sophistry this cunt is attempting. Her son could despise her, but I’m sure she’s sufficiently self-deluded to believe he’s “very loving and very, very supportive”. And her husband is supportive? Either he’s prudently and cynically encouraging the success of his cheating wife’s book to restock the family’s lost finances, or he’s a beta so thoroughly beaten down in spirit that his testicularly shriveled reflex is to forgive and “support” the wrinkled, over-makeupped skank married to him. Either way, he comes off like a pathetic choad, assuming his wife isn’t lying.

That’s a big assumption. Let’s discuss that word “support”. Has any word in the English language been more misused and abused by women? It’s the go-to word whenever guilt pokes its ugly head into the hollowed crevice carved in the rotten soul of a cheating whore. The word sickens me. Almost always when you hear it spoken by someone you can be assured you are getting sprayed on by the chunky vomit of a pity pimp, an energy vampire, or a blame-shifting slut. The next time you hear someone use the word, call them out on it.

“What exactly do you mean by “support”? No one’s calling you out on your bullshit?”

And then you’ve gotta appreciate the shameless refusal to accept accountability shown by the whore:

We’ve really worked hard on our marriage since then, and things have come around, but this really terrible thing happened to us.

“You see, honey, that whole unpleasantness of Madoff’s dick in my pussy was a terrible thing that happened to us. Just some nebulous cosmic force that alighted upon our happy family for which I bear no responsiblity, and for which you are likely equally responsible anyhow. So let’s try and work through it, and with enough hard work on your part in marriage counseling I might see my way to forgiving you.”

Choice cut cunt, here, folks. Brazenly cunty. The dark side of the cunt.

Why did Weinstein write the book?

This must have been a very painful book for you to write. Why did you decide to do it?
The first part was that the investment decisions in my family were my responsibility, so I felt this tremendous guilt and responsibility about what had happened. My motivation was to try to make things better as much as I can, and that sort of meant putting myself out there.

Cha-ching! Is anyone buying her shit? Her husband? When your wife cheats, you kick her out. End of story. Any other course of action that doesn’t involve wicked vengeance will brand you with the badge of the beta for the rest of your life. Now if only the divorce laws would catch up to this eminently fair and just outlook.

******

The voting:

PS: Although it was a popular submission, I didn’t include the guy forced to stand on a DC Metro street corner by his wife and wear a placard confessing his infidelity because it was later revealed to be a local radio station prank.

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