Great job, eh. You held alpha male USA’s attention for longer than 30 seconds. And you did it without Jim Carrey making a face or Celine Dion neighing. Now what number were you on our speed dial?
Canada
February 28, 2010 by CH
Posted in Current Events | 74 Comments
74 Responses
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Syllogism and Synthesis

First EH!
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But in all seriousness, you’re right, we are beta to america’s alpha, just let us have this moment please.
Secondly, your blog has changed my life more than anything ive ever read.
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crosby still slash and fun.
[editor: good one! the US’s goalie helmet was cooler though. looked like you could simultaneously crack open a bud and shoot terrorists with it.]
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hahahahahah awesome. it was sort of ed hardy, but evoked power. true.
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So USA is the alpha male on this continent, eh? Pardon me while I (politely) disagree. Canada:
– Was populated by men unafraid of taming our cold, rugged, northern lands
– Has hotter women
– Has more guns per capita than the USA
– Uses those guns to hunt large animals, rather than drink budweiser and shoot stop signs
– Produces and drinks real beer
– Elected as our head of state a stoic, self-respecting Conservative rather than a pussy-whipped CPUSA member who bows to every foreign minister’s aide he meets in every shitbox third world country he visits
– Will not spend their way into sovereign default within the next 5-10 years
– Is not permitting massive, uncontrolled third-world immigration across its southern border
– Is largely infused with the historical tradition of noble loyalty to the British Crown, rather than the proto-leftist revolutionary fervor (or better yet, fervour) of the Patriot movement.
– And last but not least, WE BEAT YOUR ASSES IN THE ONLY WINTER OLYMPIC SPORT THAN ANYONE CARES ABOUT
America is alpha the same way as the prom king who’s now fat, 27 and bagging groceries
[editor: all good points (except for the patriot hating). but i have two words which will lay the smackdown on all that: pumpkin catapulting. god bless the usa.]
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Aw man it looks like once again the Rush performance at the Winter Olympics is a no go.
FUCK Canada.
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They needed it, you know? So let them have it. It’s their entire source of national pride, identity, and self-esteem, and it’s a basic cable sport for us. Let them enjoy it.
I think Canada is best thought of as a Victorian country. The social ills ascribed to feminism ultimately come from from the Victorian mentality, which of course is the source of feminism itself. Canada is a deeply repressed country which can only express its id in one way, through the game of hockey. If you have seen how a mild-mannered Canadian changes when the subject of his hockey game comes up, you will know what I mean. It’s a critical social safety valve.
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I used to think the USA was alpha and Canada was beta, but lately I don’t think so. Canada is rugged and burly. An effete, latte-sipping mangina runs the white house.
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we kicked your butt!!!!
woohoo!!!
oops, sorry! thank you!
😀
[editor: it’s all aboot you tonight!]
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This is like a nerd blowing a load or having his time when he wins at WOW against a football player. Congratz buddy… still doesn’t change the USA is better and banging cheerleaders.
Canada is the favorite and were expected to win. If USA would have won.. what would Canada be good at? Nothing… besides exporting weed and being extra harry due to their French filth.
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Whateve’s. Spent time on both sides of the border. The difference between Canadians and Americans is that Americans aren’t as good as they think they are and Canadians are better than they give themselves credit for.
The rest of the world knows it too.
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Both countries have their strengths and it’s moronic to argue one is better than the other since you just take random features of the countries and compare them when they are super large systems.
We had a fucking great party tonight so thanks for losing.
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Canada was pretty Alpha in the final term of Jean Chretien. He did whatever the fuck he wanted.
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Canada:
Produces and drinks real beer
Actually most of us beer geeks reckon Canada is about 15-20 years behind the US when it comes to producing proper beer. And, no, we don’t consider Molson and Labatt’s piss to be real beer.
Is largely infused with the historical tradition of noble loyalty to the British Crown, rather than the proto-leftist revolutionary fervor (or better yet, fervour) of the Patriot movement.
True. The ‘revolutionary patriots’ were spoiled brats and rabble-rousers (including Samuel Adams).
Cultural leftism in Canada was imported from the US.
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What happened? Was there a hockey game tonight?
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Zdeno
America:
Could take over your shit in a matter of weeks.
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Yeah, two countries are 1-0 versus the US in war, Canada and Vietnam. Look it up.
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“Elected as our head of state a stoic, self-respecting Conservative rather than a pussy-whipped CPUSA member who bows to every foreign minister’s aide he meets in every shitbox third world country he visits”
Dude, your head of state is an 84-year-old woman. Fail.
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Nobody uses muskets and cannons anymore.
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It doesn’t mean they’re not cool.
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Best team won. It’s obvious that Finland had no business playing in the final game, but bronze is nice and we still have the prettiest female figure skaters. ;D
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Canada never fought a war with the United States.
I’m so tired of that revisionist bullshit.
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Exchange students from Canada were definitely less retarded than US students at my school.
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Actually most of us beer geeks reckon Canada is about 15-20 years behind the US when it comes to producing proper beer. And, no, we don’t consider Molson and Labatt’s piss to be real beer.
Interestingly, North America, the Nordic countries, and Belgium are where most of the really interesting beers are made. The UK, Ireland, Germany, and Czech Republic produce large volumes of beer but mostly by large breweries in large volumes. That doesn’t mean the latter don’t produce anything good, however.
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“Is not permitting massive, uncontrolled third-world immigration across its southern border”
That’s right. Our massive, uncontrolled third world immigration arrives by airplane from the East and West!
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Does a Canadian flag even count on the Roosh flag metric?
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@ Zdeno: What part of Canuckistan you in? More guns? Canada has some seriously restrictive gun laws, dude, get the facts straight.
Also, unrestricted Third World immigration? Have you been to Toronto? Al-Qaida members are living legally in Canada, collecting welfare (Khadr family, anyone?). And Canada has TWICE the percentage of foreign born residents compared to the USA.
I’ve lived in both the USA and Canada, and love them both, and find life in Canada in some important ways better than the States. But get real, dude.
I won’t even mention les Frogs who actually control the country and have for the last 40-some years. Americans who dislike affirmative action would go insane if they saw how Canada’s corrupt ethnic spoils system works.
And “loyalty to the British Crown”? Where? True a hundred years ago but irrelevant now. Do you know any Canucks who actually think QE2 is their monarch, like for real?
Canada beats the USA on beer and women, slightly, and that shit counts. But let’s be honest with ourselves. Canada is a nice country but not a serious, important, or interesting one. I won’t even mention the pathetic and dilapidated condition of the once-proud Canadian Forces (I’ve served in the CF, have you?).
I was rooting for the winning team yesterday, it’s a beauty way to go, eh – but keep the comments real here.
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An American living in TO, I’m amazed at what normally nice Canadians do when they’re worried they’re going to lose at hockey. They’re jingoistic, aggressive and ill-mannered, which, interestingly enough, is exactly what they accuse Americans of being.
But someone above said it best, it’s their obsession; for us it’s a cable network sport. Nothing wrong with losing to them on those terms.
I’m astounded at how polite Canadians are, if a little insular. But for idiots to come here and state that their’s is the better country because of a sport is a joke. Do what Canadians do best, and lead by example. Gloating doesn’t become you.
Oh yeah, and 1812 was a long time ago. Did you want a war with the US today? Didn’t think so. Moron.
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@ Salut: You’ve hit on something real here. Many Canadians are prone to exactly the same boorish, obnoxious flag-waving that they so despise in Americans. Apparently being a jingoistic boob is ok when Canadians do it.
Ditto on all the Canadian kids who run around Europe with HUGE maple leaf flags on their backpacks, to show clearly to all, “I’m not a f****g American.” Like the average Belgian can tell the difference between an American or Canadian, or cares.
Canadians often go overboard with the maple leaves because they are desperately insecure in their national identity. An English Canadian is simply an American who didn’t accept the Revolution – the popular culture, despite huge efforts by the Canadian government to prop up “Canadian” music and arts – is pretty much indistinguishable on both sides of the border.
Once you subvert the connection to the British Crown – another stupid thing the lefties in Ottawa have forced down the throats of average citizens for decades – all you’re left with is an American who’s seriously into hockey and curling, and prefers Tim Hortons to Dunkin Donuts.
Obviously the Quebecois have their own culture and identity, but they are small, dirty, and inbred, and of no interest to anyone but themselves.
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I say we able bodied, non omega obama voting red necks invade canaduh, take their women, weed, and maple shit, and after kicking out their viceroy back to England to the bitch queen he bows down to, leave and close the border so the only thing they can do until the power shuts off is drink piss beer.
Its aboot time, buddy.
Canada. More worthless than two France’s.
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Alright let’s compare the most important factors GDP. Which is a combination of politics, education and people.
USA #1 in the world until China overtakes in 20 yrs.
Will Canada ever be number one in GDP? No… if Canada didn’t have USA they would not exist. USA on the other hand could live without those harry Canadians.
Great job winning hockey, practically the only thing that Canadians are known for and actually gives a shit about.
Who has the most medals again? USA! Who should technically have the most? The host country Canada… but they didn’t.
Canadians just like to bring up menial facts like winning the war or hockey cuz they know they can’t compete with the USA in anything worthwhile.
Really exchange students from Canada? Doesn’t change the fact that USA still has the best institutions and students. Why bother going abroad when you can study at the best Harvard, Yale, MIT, Stanford & Princeton. What school does Canada have that’s good? McGill? Uni of Toronto or British Columbia? Plz…
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The nice thing about Canadian women is they are very tolerant of their men asking for directions. Those guys are always getting lost in the forest near the end of a grooming cycle.
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Canada wins most gold medals.
Canada has better and free healthcare.
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Fuck Cindy Crosby.
Fuck Canada.
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i think we should stop with the international dick sucking and give props where props is due.
First of all, congrats to Canada for having the drunkest and horniest olympics EVER: they ran out of booze AND condoms at these winter games. Check that shit out.
Second of all, congrats to Canada for having the most golds by one country EVER
yes, USA had more medals, but Canada had more golds – and really, what’s more alpha than first place?
Third of all – congrats for Canada and USA of not only putting on a hell of a hockey game, but giving people a hell of a show and maybe inspiring more kids to take up the sport. I truly believe that Ice Hockey is the ultimate team sport, because there is a place for superstars AND tough guys, you dont need to be over 6’8 tall (like basketball) or be a roid monkey with a 3 year career (football).
The defensive strategies of the mid 90s decreased scoring and offense, and interest in hockey kept decreasing, as fewer and fewer people were legit scoring superstars. By the time the NHL lockout rolled around – noone cared cause shit got boring. Hopefully olympic moments like this are the shot in the arm this amazing sport needs.
I mean shit 0 remember when Wayne Gretzky had his own SHOE!!
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Great match. I thought the Canucks hadn’t won in a while but turns out they won in 2002. Good for Canada, good for team USA. No shame for either side.
Roissy, Canada is a spectacular country, especially French Canada. I love America, but for vacations, here’s why it rocks:
1) There was actually a Canadian Supreme Court ruling declaring that touching during lap dances is not inherently lewd. As a result, 99% of strip clubs are “full contact”; you can touch/rub a girl anywhere during a lap dance except on her vagina. I highly recommend St. Catherine’s street in Montreal—-awesome strippers. And its really not thta hard to get one to come back and party with you—-no game required. In my strong beta days I could convince a cute one to come out with me.
2) Hot French Canadian girls + influx of hot Eastern European girls.
3) Fuck Castro, but Cuban cigars.
4) Canadian money=play money most of the time. Everything’s cheaper.
5) Casino’s in lots of places. One right in Montreal (20 min cab ride from downtown).
6) Good frenchie food. Poutine is an excellent filler.
7) underground city when its too cold.
8) French Canada is dominated by old-style crime families, Italians and Frenchies as well. As a result, they have machismo and respect oozing around. Acting manly and not degrading yourself are de rigeur, not like the Jersey Shore/C-walking jokesour gangsters are. Its a strong buzz.
9) Plus, for the G Manifestos—you can get custom bespoke Euro-style suits at discount rates by sharp tailors.
10) If all else fails—you’re an American, an exotic to many Frenchies. Most Canadians view Americans positively, no matter what the leftie US media says. Canadian girls want their Yankee notches and someone from a big US city (D.C., for example) so they can have a reason to visit or say “I got fucked by a guy from Washington, D.C.” to their girlfriends being banged by hosers from Moosejaw, Saskatchewan.
Canada is a win for vacations. French Canada double win.
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yeah we won….you lost
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The line from Dodgeball summed it up:
It’s time to separate the wheat from the chaff, the men from the boys, the awkwardly feminine from the possibly Canadian.
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Btw, Canada advanced inland further than any other country on the first day of the D Day Invasion… and we had single shot rifles. You fuckers had semi autos.
Class dismissed.
Oh yeah… and we don’t have San Fransisco.
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As a Canadian, I have no problem with the idea of having a British royal family. The current one, however, has to go. They’ve been betraying their people since WW2.
“Who has the most medals again? USA! Who should technically have the most? The host country Canada… but they didn’t. ”
That is retarded. The USA should technically have the most, since they have 10x our population. But they didn’t. They only got 1.4x as many medals, and not as many golds. Canada did phenomenally well in the medal count this olympics.
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Lee, we have Vancouver, which is pretty close.
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ASDF,
Treason!!! You can be hung for that shit.
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Look, Canada is a great country, and the Olympics were sweet. But never, never compare Canada to the US on a military basis (I’m talking to you, Lee). Referring to the year 1812 or WWII, while a great story, doesn’t mean anything in 2010. And it makes you sound ignorant.
Pick peacekeeping, universal health care, pensions, politeness or women from Quebec (I married one, actually). But stay away from war. Bring it up again when you have a freaking aircraft carrier.
And the Americans and Canadians both fielded approx 200 athletes in Vancouver. And don’t tell me that Americans from Oklahoma or Alabama are statistically likely to compete at the winter olympics with people who see snow 5 months a year all across the country. So population comparisons are asinine.
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@ Lee: 3rd Can Div got farthest on 06 JUN 44 because JUNO was BY FAR the least defended of the 5 landing beaches at Normandy. So what up wit dat comparison?
Having served in both the US and Canadian militaries, there is simply no comparison. Very tiny David and a truly massive Goliath. But the Canucks have better rations and booze in the field — important.
Quebec sucks, but the quality Quebecoises are the hottest chicks on the continent, IMHO. They don’t spread much for Anglo Canadians, whom they consider racially inferior and annoying, but they will happily jump on American cock — note to self, guys.
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“It’s their entire source of national pride, identity, and self-esteem, and it’s a basic cable sport for us.”
“This is like a nerd blowing a load or having his time when he wins at WOW against a football player. Congratz buddy… still doesn’t change the USA is better and banging cheerleaders.”
Erm… no. Don’t compare hockey with WOW. It is at least as manly as football. As for national pride: there’s plenty of Miracle on Ice nostalgia stateside, eh?
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Yeah Canada sucks and would die if America didn’t exist.
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I am the greatest man alive. Canada is the greatest country in the world. Americans suck dick for a good time. You can suck mine too.
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“3rd Can Div got farthest on 06 JUN 44 because JUNO was BY FAR the least defended of the 5 landing beaches at Normandy.”
you keep telling yourself whatever makes you feel better.
fact: Canada kicked ass on D Day
fact: Canada won The War of 1812
fact: Canada BEAT you last night.
I’m going for a piss
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If America didn’t exist I’m quite sure Canada would quite easily find a plentitude of countries more than willing to trade for our plentiful natural resources.
Yeh If America disappeared off the map tommorrow shit would be bad and highly fucked up… but that isn’t about to happen (and if it did.. shit would be fucked up worldwide)
—
I will admit that Canada essentially relies on our proximity to the US for military protection.
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Seriously People:
Population comparison’s aren’t asinine, despite the fact that you have many snow-free states. In total, you have vastly more people living in the Rockies, not to mention the snow-covered North East, Upper Midwest, and Pacific Northwest. You also have a way better university system for sports development, and more money all around.
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Do you mean the Fenian invasions? LOL
Basically, a few hundred ambitious American Irish immigrants invaded Canada in 1866, capturing various places and making off with loot.
The spirited Irishmen – mainly Civil War vets – routed the feeble Canadian militias (forerunners of the mounties) sent to intercept them. By the time the Canadians had mustered enough troops to put the odds in their favor (roughly 30 to 1), the Fenians had already withdrawn to American soil, mission accomplished, and were celebrating their victory to great popular acclaim.
It took an entire two divisions of Canadians to face around 800 rogue Irishmen, and yet the Irish might have taken the entirety of Canada if Ulysses Grant hadn’t intervened, ordering his former soldiers to cut it out.
Here’s an excerpt from a Fenian song:
I’ll tell you one thing Canadians don’t do.
Cry to their blog about how much another country sucks in comparison because they lost a game.
You’re pulling some monopoly-level poor sportsmanship right here.
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Lee: congrats on your national team winning at a sport Americans haven’t cared about since 1980;
a sport that’s fallen behind NASCAR and the NBA in terms of popularity;
a sport that was sixth most popular to Americans at the Winter Olympics, behind women’s figure skating, curling, luge (after the crash), short track speed skating, downhill skiing, and fucking ice dancing;
a sport you’ve won at the Olympics exactly twice in the last 58 years (same as the Americans), despite being the number one country for ice hockey fandom;
and your beer sucks.
I say this as Canada-loving American who loves hockey: bite me, hoser poseur.
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Wait! Wait a sec! You can touch strippers in Canada?! How come I havn’t heard about this!
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Canada? I can’t think of a better neighbor. Went to Vancouver last summer. Ups: ranked least obese city in the world, more beautiful females per capita than any place I’ve been, great people, safe streets, great combination of water, skyline, parks/mountains, manages to keep their large homeless population in relative isolation in an area you could safely ride a bike through (due to a lack of one particular homeless demographic), seems to make diversity work (because their minority population is asian). Downs: taxes (sticker shock in liquor store!).
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lena
http://www.thefoxnation.com/canada/2010/02/02/canadian-premier-comes-us-heart-surgery
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Canada is a beautiful country and a nice place to live. It is not much of a player in international politics though.
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“a sport that was sixth most popular to Americans at the Winter Olympics, behind women’s figure skating, curling, luge (after the crash), short track speed skating, downhill skiing, and fucking ice dancing;”
That’s because NBC didn’t show any of the games, except the last one.
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“a sport you’ve won at the Olympics exactly twice in the last 58 years (same as the Americans), despite being the number one country for ice hockey fandom”
You do realize how the Soviets defined “amateur,” right? Check out how many Canada Cups we won.
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good0179, being a beta pussy:
“That’s because NBC didn’t show any of the games, except the last one.”
—because NBC didn’t want to lose ratings.
“You do realize how the Soviets defined “amateur,” right?”
—considering US boys could put a whupping on the commies twice, the so-called hub of hockey should have put together more than its pussy beta showing.
“Check out how many Canada Cups we won.”
—Ah, the prestigious Canada Cup! If you can’t win the pressure’s on, bitch, it doesn’t count. Canada Cup is not as prestigious by a long shot to an Olympic medal.
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I love Hockey. I even once loved Canadia.
Sindy Crosby is the boy who made me hate Hate HATE Canadaia welllll before we won Silver.
bitchboy
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Visit the States, shop there, settle and live in Canada.
{{{{ :* #87 :* }}}}
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P.s. But you gotta give credit to the US team as well. They were fantastically powerful. Cheers to the goalie.
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sidney crosby is sooooooooooooooo yummy to look at!!!
[editor: sidney is a girl’s name!]
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Canadian mens’ national hockey teams are deep in personnel in ways that other countries can’t usually match, and there’s about, say, a 70% chance that the Canadians will beat either of the next two best teams — whoever they are from time to time — in any particular game. This means that a Canadian gold medal is no better than even money, since we have to beat both of the next best teams to get one. Canadian hockey teams go to the Olympics to find out if they’ll fail.
The breathtaking thing about this U.S. team is they very nearly beat a team they shouldn’t beat twice in a row. Tying with 24 seconds left in regulation.
Iginla and Crosby got a goal in overtime? Of course they bloody did. That’s metaphysics: They’re Iginla and Crosby.
We won, but the hockey gods drank to the Americans.
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[editor: sidney is a girl’s name!]
doesn’t matter if he has a girly name! he’s still very VERY purty!!
oh, and so is sven kramer! ooh la la!
those two boys have my long curly locks in a knot.
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Roissy be trollin’
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Ah, Sidney is great. Especially his personality, so calm and disciplined. Humble.. and so strong. So masculine.. (not to mention his body). Sidney Crosby is a dream.
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The following should be sung to the melody of the Canadian National Anthem:
Oh, Canada
We don’t know what to say.
It’s not polite,
To brag in any way.
We’ve got mountains, and other stuff
That is really, really grand.
Maybe someday
If it’s ok
We’ll give ourselves a hand.
Please notice us,
We’re really nice.
Oh, Canada, it’s more than snow and ice,
Oh, Canada, much more than SNOW…AND…ICE!
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I’m Canadian and I’ve been on your side of the border many times. Culturally, we’re nearly the same. The biggest difference that I could see though was the standard of living, basically it seemed like a higher percentage of the people were poor. The second difference that I picked up on was that people seemed to be less educated on average. I mean it’s pretty pathetic when you’re talking to someone and they can’t comprehend where Canada could possibly be on the map. (A true, but extreme example, others weren’t as bad and some were average Canadian smart) either way, I think that means we’re better.
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Canada has the best beaver tails don’t forget that fine fact. Yum.
And gotta laugh at repressed country. Ya uh huh…Kids in the Hall – censored in the US but not here! Gay marriages are legal. Victorian my a$$. We are reserved yes, but repressed NOT.
just sayin’
And yes I AM CANADIAN = 🙂
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Effect
I’m Canadian and I’ve been on your side of the border many times.Culturally, we’re nearly the same.
Sure idiot, tell that to the Quebecois.
The biggest difference that I could see though was the standard of living, basically it seemed like a higher percentage of the people were poor.
No, the biggest difference is we have 10 TIMES the population. We have more rich, more poor, more geniuses, more idiots.
The second difference that I picked up on was that people seemed to be less educated on average. I mean it’s pretty pathetic when you’re talking to someone and they can’t comprehend where Canada could possibly be on the map.
That’s because we don’t give a shit about your country.
(A true, but extreme example, others weren’t as bad and some were average Canadian smart) either way,
I think that means we’re better.
Think again, asshole.
aoefe
Canada has the best beaver tails don’t forget that fine fact. Yum.
Dyke.
Fuck Canada. The only thing they ever produced that was worth anything is Norm MacDonald.
And he only became funny after living in the US for 25 years.
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Look, Canada is a great country, and the Olympics were sweet. But never, never compare Canada to the US on a military basis (I’m talking to you, Lee). Referring to the year 1812 or WWII, while a great story, doesn’t mean anything in 2010. And it makes you sound ignorant.
Shouldn’t you take care of the goat fuckers in Afghanistan and Iraq first before spouting your jingoistic bullshit against a real competitor, like Canada?
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Oh The Ignorance!
Ug Slayer – A 1930’s US military report said Canada “cannot be occupied” for 9 months a year. You can’t “take over our shit”, but you could smart-bomb our infrastructure I guess. All you have is a huge military capable of power-projection through smart-bombs and air dominance. Enjoy the next 4 years of world military dominance before Civil War 2.
Jules – Cultural lefticism was introduced into Canada partially to SPITE the Americans. Trudeau was probably our most leftist prime minister, and definitely our most anti-american one.
GDI – The frenchies don’t control SHIT. They are poor and get tons of welfare, not a whole lot else tangible.
The_King – Canada has about one tenth the population of USA and about one tenth the GDP. You are not some amazing competitive nation, in fact many countries are far more competitive if calculated as GDP per capita.
The 21st century will be the century of commodities… and we’ll be glad to sell to all 50 nations that inhabit the north american continent in the decades to come…
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