Is your neighborhood infested with status whoring but irresistibly cute SWPL girls? Then you need an icebreaker tailor made for their fastidiously ironic sensibilities. Let’s say you and the SWPL girl of your infatuations are sifting through a selection of $10 jars of almond butter at Whole Foods. Unless you are a savvy shopper, most stuff at Whole Foods is ridiculously overpriced. Knowing this, you look across your shoulder at her and say:
“If it isn’t overpriced, I don’t feel like I’m getting my money’s worth.”
Wait for her to smile (she will, if she doesn’t take herself too seriously) and enjoy that moment when your pinkies touch reaching for the same jar of almond butter.
Now you’re at the local dog park, a place where SWPLs can feel morally upstanding for giving their dogs the opportunity to run free on a scruffy patch of 10 feet by 20 feet crabgrass (artificial grass if you’re at the Dupont dog park.) A tasty number sits down near you with her pomeranian in tow.
“The great thing about dogs is that you don’t have to worry about moving out of the city when they get old enough to go to school.”
What if you see the SWPL of your dreams at the local bike shop, where she’s purchasing enough biking accoutrements to outfit a small, fitness-oriented Central American guerilla army?
“I really recommend that aquapac. It’s good to be prepared in case you get stuck for weeks in the wilderness of Rock Creek Park.”
Close your eyes. Open them! Now you see a cute SWPL babe at a Georgetown consignment shop. She’s trying on musty old hats.
“That hat would be even cooler on you if it was a man’s hat. And it had an Olympics pin on it.”
You’re at the famed E Street Cinema in downtown DC. You’re standing in line next to a SWPL babe to see a sub-subtitled foreign flic of mega-ironic proportions. (It’s originally spoken in Czech, dubbed over in German, subtitled in French and sub-subtitled in English.) You capture her attention while waiting in line to buy a ticket.
“I hope this movie comes with 3D glasses.”
You’re at an outdoor concert, standing in line to use the Porta-John. You get her attention and say…
Well, actually, nothing. There’s nothing flirty you can say while waiting to use a Porta-John. It’s just too gross.
first
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Whole foods almond butter at ten bucks is not over priced roissy.
You are cheap. No wonder guys like you use game…
I am starting to realize that there are just as many douchebags as douchebagetts in this world.
Douchebag and douchebagettes unite! And leave the good non sociopaths alone.
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Usually i just don’t say anything at all; I prefer to drool and then go home and jerk off.
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“Well, actually, nothing. There’s nothing flirty you can say while waiting to use a Porta-John. It’s just too gross.”
One Response
on March 4, 2010 at 11:46 am the dude
first
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First is about the flirtiest thing you can say waiting for a portapotty.
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When you’re in line for the port-o-john the correct move would be to lecherously leer at her and stroke your cock through your pants when she looks over. If this doesn’t work, then reframe by running up to her and furiously humping her leg. This is a massive DHV that the average HB10 just can’t resist.
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And you thought you had nothing left to teach us or to say…
Actually, I was just going to adress this in a comment – your posts have been very “high level”. Very “inner game”, if you will. This is important stuff, teaching us the importance of aloofness and amused mastery etc.
But there have been comparatively fewer posts about specific canned openers for specific situations. Like – how do you do a palm reading properly so it doesn’t sound hokey? How do you introduce it? “Can I read your palm?” “I can tell you your future?”
What about kino? Maybe that’s just something that needs to be learned at a seminar live, but it’s never been well described in the roissysphere.
I like what you did above. Maybe now that you’re in a more serious LTR, you feel like you can let some of your “A” material get out into the wider world? Anyway, keep up the good stuff.
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“Do you happen to have a newspaper or a really short novel on you?”
When in line at the Port-a-John.
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Andrew,
What are you getting so angry about? I’m just asking, not starting trouble. You seem like a decent guy based on your previous posts.
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That first Whole Foods line is great. Plus its quite versatile and can be used in many different stores in almost any city. I’ll definitely be using that one soon.
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Peter,
one guy, approached me and 2 girlfriends saying he was going to do palm reading, it was actually quite funny and we reached out our hands and he was looking like he really found some intresting stuff, and then he took my friends hand and sad wow, amazing,, and we where all really intrested in what he saw, and then he told that he actually looks at the venus dome under the thumb, if its big, means the girl is having a high libido 🙂 well, think it was a quite good approach, funny and forward.
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Not quite a portapotty, but if you ever see a chick ask the clerk for a restroom, only to be told they are for employees only:
“Well, hire the lady!”
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I liked this guy’s stuff better when he didn’t seem so bitter about everything.
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Yeah, a lot of chicks dig what they call “sarcastic” humor (I have yet to meet a girl that understands the subtle difference between sarcasm and irony).
Sneering and looking down on things and people elevates your own relative position, and that always looks good on a man.
Too much of it, though, and you come across as bitter. And bitterness is the hallmark of the frustrated beta.
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“The great thing about dogs is that you don’t have to worry about moving out of the city when they get old enough to go to school.”
You must be joking.
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I prefer the all time grocery classic pickup-line: Nice mellons, lets go to your place and fuck.
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There can be irony in a situation without anyone saying anything. To have sarcasm someone has to say something. Is that the difference?
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11:
re sarcastic humor.
Yeah, I’m in a LTR, but I like to remain fresh…just in case. I was in line at Subway (is that SWPL?) behind a cute, young chick yesterday. After we both paid, we were at the drink station. She was hovering around, unneccesarily, which told me she was trying to be in my vicinity for a marginal fleeting second. She asked if there was a trash bin behind the straw container…I said there usually was, but I don’t see it.
“Ah, well, just throw it on the floor…they don’t care” I said with a smile and throbbing, penetrating eye contact.
She seemed young and innocent enough to where such advice is as rebelious as smoking dope in public. She scrunched up her face and said “Nooo way” with a twinkle in her eye.
I swear I could have fucked her right then and there, but I didn’t because I get my sandwiches toasted, you know, and I like to eat fresh.
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“There’s nothing flirty you can say while waiting to use a Porta-John. It’s just too gross.”
Oh really.
Well I just say: “wanna come in?”
Works like a charm.
But for some reason they always seem to want to get paid afterwards. Is that a bad sign?
I always have felt that paying so soon in the relationship is too beta. So I usually just say “Cya later” and walk quickly to my vehicle, giving her gina tingles with my alpha rejection.
Then I always seem to get an odd hallucination about some guy in a clown suit chasing me while I drive off. Must be the chemicals in the pot.
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Eagerly awaiting Michael Mason’s take on these lines.
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wow, that’s pretty much my entire opening game.
and like you said, it’s great cause it screens out all the SWPLs who really take themselves seriously.
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if you’re not a sociopath, then you’re too stupid or too naive to see things for what they really are. in this world there are sociopaths and there are sheep. choose one.
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Can’t wait to start using these. They’ll probably work better than my standard line. “Heyyyy! Like sucking dick?”
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At the Port-a-Potty turn around to the SWPL honey behind you in line and ask “Are you here for the audition also?”
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port a pot pickup:
‘i hope there’s a condom dispenser in mine’
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D.C. sounds pretty gay. What do you people DO out there?
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These are the funniest / stupidest comment entries I’ve seen on this blog!
By the way, you’re probably referring to my country, Nicaragua, when you referred to a Central American army. I take offense, as it would take AT LEAST a Walmart’s worth of equipment to get us kicking ass.
Remember “Res Dawn”!
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Porta-John comment
“What did you have for lunch yesterday?”
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Then you say.. “I forgot what I had, but I’m about to find out”
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THAT only works
on Indian chicks
mout
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At the port o potty just tell her,”Give me a minute or so,to set up the camera…” Works every time! Girls love an “out there” guy!
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I have not gotten sarcasm to work on girls besides Americans/Brits/Australians.
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@Roosh
Urban Canadian girls give great sarcasm game, but again, stay in the hipster-ish circles. Otherwise they’ll get too upset about you invading their personal space.
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speaking of SWPL chicks, know your enemy:
http://www.slate.com/id/2246553/pagenum/all/#p2
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“Whole foods almond butter at ten bucks is not over priced roissy.
You are cheap. No wonder guys like you use game…
I am starting to realize that there are just as many douchebags as douchebagetts in this world.
Douchebag and douchebagettes unite! And leave the good non sociopaths alone.”
Paying $10 for almond butter anywhere is psychotic. I suppose you love throwing away cash on bullshit “trendy” loft apartments, yuppie garbage cars like Land Rovers, grossly overpriced yuppie clothing, “life coaches”, etc.
Spendthrift morons like you are the douchebags – not the frugal, sensible people that make up most of the rest of this country. Please move yourself to the Left Coast and leave the rest of us alone.
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There’s nothing flirty you can say while waiting to use a Porta-John.
Depends™.
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Roosh
I have not gotten sarcasm to work on girls besides Americans/Brits/Australians.
Sarcasm is delivered in a very different way in Spanish. It’s almost deadpan. I can see how it would be very hard for someone who isn’t fluent or nearly fluent in the language.
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All of these lines seem to mark you as ‘outside’ of the scene and thus potentially a bitter hater.
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Roissy are you doing BOTM anymore? I enjoyed those posts a lot.
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that’s the point. by mocking the scene in a certain way you signal that you get it, but at the same time you’re not constrained by it.
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V, Tiger Woods took the BOTM hands down for last month.
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what’s so great about almond butter? another sign of western cultural decay – something I’ll call the “flavorization of America”.
if they start marketing raspberry ketchup, i’m moving to….nevermind, there’s nowhere to move.
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My favorite is spotting the girl at the Starbucks actually reading a real hard-copy newspaper as opposed to the required Kindle/iPhone and say, “Wow, reading an actual paper, what are you like a hundred an on medicare with food stamps, you know you should be on the internet. Haven’t you read any good web logs lately, or as I call them, blogs?” It’s fail proof.
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almonds are a type of nut. like peanuts or cashews it can be made into a paste or “butter” and consumed. peanut butter is not only type of nut butter, though it is the cheapest to produce and, as a result, the most ubiquitous… and most popular.
the existence of almond butter is not a sign of western cultural decay. jesus.
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deez nutz are a type of nut
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“I see that you have almond butter there. What a coincedence, I just happen to have a DVD copy of “The Last Tango in Paris” back at my place. Wanna watch a movie?
He-he. A radio disk jockey said that on air once (minus the almond) part, about his experiences being “newly single” again after a divorce, and how he was bombing with the ladies. He was pretty damn funny.
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Yogi Berra game.
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WW2 GI game in liberated Europe,”Hey babe, you look like my girlfriend.”
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Ah, good stuff.
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Perhaps Roissy is a John Kramer who needs to find his Amanda Young. Or Mr. Young, as the case may be.
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you’re hilarious bro
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Yeah, but these SWPL chicks are usually more trouble than they’re worth. Any one of them hanging around Dupont or the E St Cinema has probably been thoroughly indoctrinated in man-hating feminism, so anything longer than a ONS or fling is a guaranteed setup for problems
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Fuck, Roissy’s been going hard at it for the past week. Looks like that break from blogging was a good thing.
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“Subway (is that SWPL?)”
Yes:
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/02/11/63-expensive-sandwiches/
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My favorite is spotting the girl at the Starbucks actually reading a real hard-copy newspaper as opposed to the required Kindle/iPhone and say, “Wow, reading an actual paper, what are you like a hundred an on medicare with food stamps, you know you should be on the internet. Haven’t you read any good web logs lately, or as I call them, blogs?” It’s fail proof.
That seems too wordy. You’ve had success with that?
Don’t remember where I first heard this one, but it’s worked for me. When you see a girl reading a gossip magazine at a bookstore cafe and you’re reading a real book.
“Hey, I’ll trade you. I’m sick of books; they’re just full of words. I want to stare at pictures of celebrities for a while.”
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Obsidian finally showed up at my blog and showed his true colors (no pun intended) by inviting me to some kind of urban brawl. The man is insane.
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Link here: http://planetgrok.wordpress.com/2010/03/03/obsidian-crazy-or-stupid/
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In line for the porta potty?
You say, “hmm, must be nice in there.”
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Planet Grok, you just need to say 18 magic words:
“Oh no you won’t! Oh no you won’t! You ain’t scarin’ me! You ain’t scaring this white boy!”
Works like a charm.
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Tupac,
First he said he wanted to slap me. The shrimp then went into fight or flight mode when I pointed out I have 8 inches and 65 pounds of muscle on him. Good luck slapping my knees, gay little disabled ‘dandy’ (-his word) man.
So if I said what you just recommended, he’d probably go for his glock and wander the streets for weeks looking for me, slobbering with his NOI-infused rage. I couldn’t do that to any innocent white bystanders he might encounter and mistake for me. Not even a guaranteed Obsidian life sentence would be worth it.
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Laura, I was referring to SB of http://voxday.blogspot.com/ earlier. You should visit.
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Hey Roissy,
How about a neighborhood full of SBPDL chicks?
http://www.sbpdl.com
I have it on good authority that the guy behind that blog is a big fan of yours.
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“what’s so great about almond butter? another sign of western cultural decay – something I’ll call the “flavorization of America”.”
Yes. The Grapple is especially disturbing, but almond butter is pretty good.
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[…] Roissy: Storytelling and SWPL Icebreakers […]
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The portapotty pickup … right. No great risk of success, eh lads? Here’s one: “Where’s your friend? And your cup?”
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Haha. This page is funny. Glad I’m black and, for the most part, these rules don’t apply to me.
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