Do you think you have what it takes to bend the world to your whim? Are you…
Reader RF raps the wrought iron lion knocker on the heavy oak door seeking admittance to the Chateau:
Night of the meeting, running game Riossy likely would approve of (though there’s always room for improvement), I hand her my phone and she puts her number in. I end with a kiss close.
Me: test.
Her: Hey bahbay!
Her: Yesy 1 2 3 [jesus, how drunk was she?]
Me: Got it. Let’s make plans soon.
The next day, i already had plans to go out with friends. I thought I’d try to stack the deck in my favor and texted her.
Me: going out tonight?
Her: I’m spending the night hanging out with my boyfriend.
Me: lol
Her: Yea sorry if I led you on, I am in a relationship and very happy so I don’t think we can be friends.
I didn’t respond after that – should I have negged harder after the last statement? I think the “lol” was sufficient – her behavior confirmed everything written on this blog – and anything beyond that seemed forced and petty. She was just a six, too, and not worth additional effort imo.
Ah yes, the drunk chick hookup. Expect a flake. With inebriated girls you are best attempting a same night lay, as the liquor loosens her inhibitory reflex. That is the upside of drunkenness. The downside happens when the inhibitions come storming back the next morning, and her anti-slut barrier stands taller and mightier than usual.
Leaving that aside, your game was fine up until the next day. I’m not a big fan of texting questions that require answers from girls. If you want to meet up with a girl, call her, and *tell her* what your schedule is like, and when you can see her. Asking if she’s free, or available, or if she’d like to join you is playing into the frame of female scarcity. Instead, you should be saying “Hey, we had a great time last night, let’s meet for cocktails and hookah smoking. I’m free Thursday.”
If you believe, like I do sometimes, that talking on the phone is becoming a lost art irrevocably replaced by texting and facebook emailing, then you may want to pursue the “trial text” strategy, of which I am an advocate.
Now, when she said she was hanging out with her boyfriend, you regrettably and utterly betatized yourself with that ego-pinpricked “lol” response. The LOL, when delivered in reply to an affront, signals to a girl that she got under your skin. LOL is the spontaneous bleat of the lamb after the wolf has sunk its teeth into the lamb’s shank. El Oh Eeeeeellll! El Oh Eeeeeeelllll! To a woman’s ears it sounds like this: “Ha, ha, you have shat upon my soul!”
Whether she actually has a boyfriend is irrelevant to how you should have responded after she told you she had a boyfriend. LOL was the worst response. Let’s examine the other three major types of responses you had at your disposal.
- Ignore her. Instead of LOL’ing, you don’t reply. Some people will say this is the alpha way to handle a cunt, but it’s also the easy way. Does an alpha always have to take the easy way? Where’s the fun in that?
- Give her the gift of pain. “He’s a lucky man. I wonder if he knows what a prize he has?” Sure, this won’t get you laid, but it will put a smile on your face.
- Tease her. “Perfect. I’m busy Thursday night with your boyfriend’s girlfriend. You’re buying first ten rounds.” This final option gives you an outside chance at hooking up should the winds of fickle tingle blow in your direction.
Unfortunately, once she sent that last ridiculously cloying and pointless explanation, you were left with few options other than ignoring it. Which isn’t so bad. Use the bad taste left in your mouth to fortify your strength of purpose for future pickup attempts.
***
Reader Effect whispers the password to the Chateau consigliere:
I was just wondering on the Alphaness of this move, in a standing situation.
You’ve been chatting with this girl. Mystery Style, you put out your hand. When she takes hold you lead her in closer. Put the opposite around her once she close enough and draw her in even closer so that your bodies are touching and release her hand while doing this. Use the hand she was holding to brush aside her hair bangs moving it behind her ear then following the jaw to lead her into the kiss. (assuming she has long, not tied up hair) End the kiss first, no leaning in, feet stayed planted during the whole thing. Take a small step away.
Kino escalation is often overlooked by men as a vital component to pickup, but physically pulling a girl closer into your body can backfire if there isn’t a solid base of attraction already established. A lukewarm girl is likely to read a handhold and a pull-in as an attempt by the man to cop a cheap feel. Better bet: Hold out your hand, wait for her to take it, and then let her hand rest in yours. See how long she keeps her hand in yours before she pulls away. That will give you a good indication of her feelings for you.
***
Reader valmont dons the black robes of a Chateau guest:
A very important question. I do online dating as a side dish with good results… however, I am often asked on dates
“what are you looking for?”
There was a girl who told me that she was tired of guys who promised her “the moon” and then did not commit to her. I told her that at the present moment I m not looking to get into something serious. I felt that her energy changed however we later made out and I walked her to the metro station. after a couple of days she sends me an email that “she appreciates my honesty but that we do not have the same expectations.”
I mean, she said that she did not want a guy who pretended to want something serious, however let’s be frank, should a guy tell a women on the first or second date that he is looking for something serious too (presuming he does)?
so again, how should a guy respond to questions such as “what are you looking for?” when they come up early in the dating phase?
“What are you looking for?”
Girls are asking you this before you’ve sexed them? Strange. Either you date aging, neurotic headcases or your vibe is telegraphing B E T A P R O V I D E R. There is only one way to answer an early game, pre-sex “what are you looking for?” stinky-ass beta bait:
“A delicious ham sandwich.”
Do try and say it with a straight face for maximum amusement.
Answering any other way will only make the bang more difficult to achieve. Why construct unnecessary obstacles to yourself? If she presses the matter, then you will have to get serious with her. But there is a right way and a wrong way to patronize a woman’s shit testing.
Wrong way: Play into her frame.
- “I’m not looking for anything serious right now.”
Why give her an excuse to stop seeing you?
- “I haven’t thought about it. Why do you ask?”
Why give her an excuse to continue harping on the subject?
- “I’m looking for something serious.”
Lying is unnecessary in this situation, as I will demonstrate below. Also, saying this risks turning her off if you miscalculate and she’s *not* looking for something serious.
Right way: Control the conversation.
- “I’m dating around until I find that one woman I really click with. I think anything serious should develop naturally, and not be forced. Don’t you?”
If she’s got trouble with that answer, you are officially dating an ovulating cougar who works 80 hour weeks at the law firm and has more cats than pints of Haagen Dazs.
The Chateau doors have now creaked shut. Escort yourselves to the property gate.

Off topic (kinda) but…
Everyone should be out hunting now. The weather is changing and the women are going into heat.
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Ok, so what would you do in this scenario…. you’ve had a girl pursuing you who has a BF. She texts frequently, usually when out drinking, you’ve met her friends whom she told that you were “just a guy friend from work”. You’ve gone as far as meeting up for a drink and making out in parking lot – after which she had extreme guilt attack and stopped contact for about 2 months.. Out of nowhere she starts texting again and asks to be on your facebook, you accept her. A week later you receive drunken text at 1am asking to meet up. The very next day she claims how wasted she was the night before and then changes her profile pic to one that is her boyfriend. Obviously, she’s feeling guilty…again. Do you remove her from facebook friend list? My facebook and phone are synched and her BF’s dumb face is all over my phone…contact list, text messages etc.. What’s the right move? Technology is making things difficult
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Using LOL when texting is akin to a verbal tic–it’s just filling airtime and has no use. It’s a form of dissembling (mumbling) until the correct response is found. You’re texting, there’s no reason to pause for a response–respond with the “answer.” Take control in a declarative statement, or re-frame. Never ask a question when making plans–tell her. If she’s not agreeable, she’ll tell you.
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Ha, didn’t even notice the name change until it was pointed out in the comment!
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Yeah, that’s definitely the best way to answer the “what are you looking for?” question…. that’s usually how I try to answer it. There’s just no way for a girl to have qualms about that answer… what can she say about that? Nothing.
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Now your name is Chateau?
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Thanks for the reply!
best
Valmont
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@The Alchemist
Why don’t you just “hide” her profile so it won’t show up in your feed. She’ll still be your “friend” and will be able to contact you when her and the bf break up but you won’t have to read her posts anymore. Just be nice to her if you hook up okay?
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Very, very good!
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my thinking on the whole online thing is that it artificially accelerates the thought processes and expectations, often leading to the question of ‘what are you looking for’ on the first date. i have experienced this as well. my favorite answer was ‘a good dentist’. i’m really convinced online is largely useless and a relative waste of time.
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“I’m dating around until I find that one woman I really click with. I think anything serious should develop naturally, and not be forced. Don’t you?”
This isn’t just a smart response; it’s the only way to approach dating. If it feels forced, run away.
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I started watching Mad Men last night (Blu Ray Season 1 purchased from Amazon). I think Don Draper is a good role model, and worth watching, even if you aren’t looking for a role model.
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Yes, “What are you looking for?” cries out for cocky and funny — anything except a straight answer.
“A nymphomaniac coke connection who owns a Ferrari dealership.” — George Carlin
“Someone who’s fertile with wide hips. I plan to have enough kids to field my own baseball team.”
“Well, I’m kind of embarrassed to say….” “Come on, you can tell me.” “Well, okay….. I’ve always had this recurring fantasy about doing a woman with a third nipple.”
“Someone desperate. I need to get married before Friday so I can stay in the country.” (Best if you have an accent, of course.)
“Orgies. I’m getting bored with threesomes lately.”
If you’ve got a notebook or piece of paper, pull it out and pull out a pen, saying, “I’m glad you asked, because I keep a list handy. Why don’t I go through these and you answer honestly, so I can find out whether you meet my requirements.” Then if she laughs and plays along, start with a couple straight ones like “Dogs or cats?” and “favorite movie?” before tossing in something like, “Spit or swallow?”
Really, the possibilities are endless; no need for a straight answer.
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@Forbes
Erroneous. lol has it’s PUA uses when circumstances permit.
A little while back I started practicing game, without her knowing, on a friend of mine. The process was slow, being that we live several hours apart now and the times we see each other are few and far between. Regardless, after I started gaming her the following exchange took place via text:
Her: “You’ve been acting different lately… howcome?”
Me: “You’ve noticed”
Her: “lol. Ya I’ve noticed.”
Me: [no response]
Her: [inquiring further as to why I’m acting differently toward her]
Me: “lol”
Her: “What?! Don’t lol me. You’re a brat. I’m never calling or texting you again”
Now, that wasn’t verbatim but the tactically placed ‘lol’ (which I remember quite clearly) and the outcome are the point here. I got her nice and flustered by treating her like the little sister; I showed her that I was completely un-serious when she was making a serious inquiry.
I wanted to text back: “That’ll work ;)” but I already established my alpha cred and there was no point.
Needless to say she did call and text again and after several exchanges she’s making the trek to come visit me and stay at my flat this weekend.
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And you didn’t meet up with her why? You do realize this was desperate plea for you to powerfuck her in every orifice God gave her, right??
I know hindsight is 20/20, but Jesus Christ.
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Seeing as he already shot himself in the leg with the “lol” i suggest his next move should be a repeat move. This time emphasizing the LOL with capitals because he really is laughing out loud this time.
When he said this girl was a “6”, did he mean 6 YEARS OF AGE lol. What was he doing texting a 6 anyways?
“LOL, friends? yeah i think you’re right luv, babe, kiddo, sport{insert patronising name here}”
I’d leave it at that, not technically an alpha response but who cares for a six.
In the date equation i agree with you but only if she presses or restates the question after an initially flippant/frivolous answer.
“a napkin/the salt” if at a restuarant
“the mens room/that guy who had the shoes as me” if at a bar
But yeah your answer is pretty good, and it reframes the situation to make her feel like shes being too serious, pressuring you/jinxing the date and generally asking an innappropriate question. She’ll have little choice but to accept.
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@white woman
B/c i’m not sitting around counting the seconds, hoping and praying she breaks up with her BF. If she wants to be with him, that’s all fine and good, there are other girls i’m seeing who I can spend my time with. I would love to get together with her, but, she clearly isn’t going to let that happen…so why the hell keep contacting me? It’s insane.
Me accepting her on my facebook was not an invitation to put photos of her BF under my nose; she knows that. Which is why when she asked for the invite, her profile pic was just her. It’s all very childish and i don’t want to get into those types of games with her. I’ve been very laid back about this for a while now but think it may be time to say enough is enough. I don’t need any more platonic female friends – she can get that with somebody else…
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@dragnet,
It was a weekday and i had early morning was sound asleep and didn’t get the text until the next morning. I’m fully aware of the implications of the message, which is why the whole facebook BF thing ticked me off in the first place!
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“I’m looking for someone like Charlton Heston’s woman in Planet of the Apes.”
(pause)
“She’s totally hot, totally obedient, and she can’t talk.”
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@ Alchemist
I don’t see a reason to cut this off—there really isn’t anything to cut off. I mean, you aren’t platonic friends really—you don’t see each other enough for that. Make yourself scarce—go back to no-contact mode. After all, you did that at one point for 2 months and eventually she came back on you and practically begged to fuck. The easiest—and most alpha—solution here is to just do nothing.
Don’t contact her, and just wait. In a month or two when she texts, don’t text back immediately. Or even the next day. Maybe you let her stew for a bit. Maybe you’ve moved on. Let her wonder what you’re thinking about her—or if you are at all. Then follow up in a few days with a terse reply, and no explanation about the lagtime in the response.
And of course this whole time you are banging other pussy on the side—that is a must.
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“What are you looking for?” is a question I won’t even answer seriously as a woman.
When you tell a hoe or a man what you’re looking for, their usual course of action is to create that illusion. So I never tell what I’m looking for.
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Is Nicole one of those precious snowflakes?
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No, Salut.
I am hail.
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I don’t get the lol hate. I mean, it’s not going to win anyone over, but to me it was the text equivalent of rolling one’s eyes.
“lol. What a dumb slut”. Not “lol, I’m a big pussy”.
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Brant & Outdoor Man,
I agree with you both. Who wants to answer the question, “What are you looking for?” on the first date. I can understand why a woman who is getting desperate would ask it, though. Her answer is straightforward and good.
I have no experience with online dating, but I could see where it would accelerate the whole process. My brother does it and my advice to him was to find a few profiles of women he liked and then meet them in person as soon as possible (maybe just one if he finds someone he really clicks with). Then he should get off the site and stop searching profiles.
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@ASDF
It’s the fact that it wasn’t backed by anything else, who sends a one word “lol”? It’s a nothing text, like you sent it because you didn’t know what to say but felt like you had to say something.
Almost as bad as the dumbshits who send nothing but an x or xs trying to endear themselves. SAY SOMETHING for christs sakes or say nothing at all.
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could be worse: he could have texted “lozzozzlezozlezozzlelollz”
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By “Chateau” you mean your studio apartment?
[editor: you must have me mistaken for the bike messenger currently boffing your mom.]
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@Dragnet,
Good point about not seeing each other enough for platonic friends. Which is why i want to remove her from my friend list on Facebook…the scarcity factor goes to zero when she knows what’s going on in my life and can see who i’m talking with and making friends with etc… The whole facebook thing is a mess…it’s backfired on me before. I find it’s best not to even give them access to it…. can only lead to problems.
All in all, sound advice… thanks, dude!
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hahahaha!!!!
Ya, I’ve done the lol thing, too, and thought pretty stupid afterwords.
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@ The Alchemist
I wouldn’t de-friend her on the Facebook—that’s making a statement, rather than ignoring her. You don’t want to cut her off so much as your want to re-establish control of the situation, reframe it so it’s favorable to you. If you want to bang her eventually, then mainting a Facebook friendship is a low-cost (and potentially high-yield) method of doing so. Make yourself scarce—not extinct.
Good luck.
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Cannon’s Canon said:
could be worse: he could have texted “lozzozzlezozlezozzlelollz”
I lol’ed.
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Speaking as a guy who actually *does* think there’s a use for emoticons (even when writing to girls,) I’m not so sure there’s ever a time for a guy to use “lol.” Even with other guys.
It’s overused to the point that it’s a standard reply to barely funny lines, so it has no impact. Or else it’s what losers say in response to some accusation, thinking they’re dismissed the accusation by “laughing at loud” at it.
Mind you, I might write, “Dude, I seriously laughed out loud when I read that,” but I would never write. “LOL.”
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Then again, I don’t text much, so WTFDIK.
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Proper use for an emoticon (used by me ten minutes ago):
Me: Hey blue eyes, whatcha up to today?
BlueEyes: Not much
Me: I was looking over the party pix again. Good times.
BlueEyes: Very good times
Me: More to come…you coming out Saturday?
BlueEyes: i look forward to it
Me: Alright then I’m gonna rally the troops
BlueEyes: music to my ears
Me: 😉
Conversation closed with a wink. The only reason I contacted her today was to throw her a bone. A conversation we had the other day led me see that she is frustrated that I’m not reciprocating her contact as much as she would like. I know that this is what is FEEDING her attraction, but at this point I don’t want to risk losing her attention by not showing enough interest. We’re still in that iffy time before the first bang. Hopefully that is going to change Saturday….
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Fucked up my own blog link cause I typed the wrong domain.
Fixed.
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I think Nicole’s answer was insightful. I would respond to “what are you looking for?” With, “I could tell you, but that would tempt you to change for me, let’s just see if I like you the way you are.”
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@The Alchemist Oh, I was responding to where you asked if you should remove her from facebook friend list or not. Hiding her posts on your page would be a good compromise-not removing her but not having to see her and BF photo all the time.
But I can relate if you wanted to just be rid of her. She’s playing games.
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I think he “lol”‘ed one of my comments on here. I’m not familiar with text language, so I thought it meant “lots of love”.
[editor: in the corridors of the chateau, “lol” means “lots of lust”.}
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Great post, much appreciated.
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“Chateau” as in the Lord of Chateau Noir?
http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Lord_of_Chateau_Noir
Is this Chic-related?
[editor: chic could only be so lucky!]
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“Your legs over my shoulders, maybe I’ll find Miss Right,” you could say. (Hey, ovulating cougars who like having you hold onto their shoulders while rammin’ their G-spot and cervix need love too.)
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““I’m dating around until I find that one woman I really click with. I think anything serious should develop naturally, and not be forced. Don’t you?””
This is in my favorite Statement – Statement – Question format.
Good work.
– MPM
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Jeeeesus i guess no one here has heard of the Story of O
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“I am hail.”
Props.
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Q: “What are you looking for?”
A: “A girl with good boundaries.”
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Girls would ask that question more than you think.
It’s another shit test to see if you’re desperate or not. The cocky comment is a nice play, reminding her its a stupid fucking question without actually saying it.
Soon as you say you want something serious, it’s over. She no longer wants you. (she could probably already sense it).
We want what we can’t have.
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@ G-Manifesto
If you dig that style of phrasing, you should check out “How About You?” It’s a song made famous by Frank Sinatra.
I like New York in June, how about you?
I like a Gershwin tune, how about you?
I love a fireside when a storm is due.
I like potato chips, moonlight ‘n’ motor trips, how about you?
I’m mad about good books, can’t get my fill
And James Durante’s looks give me a thrill
Holding hands in the movie show, when all the lights are low
May not be new, but I like it, how about you?
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Legit
Jeeeesus i guess no one here has heard of the Story of O
But of course.
And funnily enough, the sequel was entitled “Return to the Chateau”
It ended tragically, though.
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Ya, that’s cute. But why would you care if you like her the way she is? Maybe the way she is sucks, and under your skillful guidance and tutelage she can become more of what you want.
I don’t buy this whole “true self” meme. We don’t have a self, and our habits are plastic.
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Smirk. You’re right – the question is nearly “Do you want what I’d want you to want if I wanted you?”
That’s why I like the answer of saying step by step. You remove yourself from any of her planning, tell her to back off, get back in the moment, and get her claws out of your future.
Seduction is tricky business. We are aiming to get the other person bound to us, yet people love their autonomy. So you can’t be explicit about it – at least not in a demanding way. You have to seduce them, not enforce a contract of coupleship. You have to make it so that her free will is gone, and she is hopeless in love, and couldn’t leave you if she tried. Not make her be faithful because otherwise her honor and duty would be compromised.
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Anonymous above is me. I like what Mystery has to say about future orientation in dating. Forget it. Dating is also about keeping your feet in the wading pool so you don’t dry out completly. Its about keeping your skill set sharp. Its about having a good day, one day at a time. Its about compromise in the name of enjoying the process. And if more happens, that’s a bonus. But aiming for the bonus is self defeating, because you won’t have the skill set ready and will be all dried out and hungry.
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The response to “I have a boyfriend,” is “class act.” Chicks all think they have class and that is always the weakest link in their fragile act. Next their virtue, than looks and finally brains.
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@sdaedalus
Thanks for the link.
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Monkeys
No problem, hope you enjoy reading it.
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Here is a great topic for your next post: The wife of a male Getty heir just waited the prescribed 10 years in California to file for divorce and now brazenly ask for $500k per month because she “needs that to maintain the lifestyle to which she got accustomed”:
http://www.tmz.com/2010/03/25/gordon-peter-getty-jacqueline-divorce-money-rich-jackson-pollock-paris-hilton-j-paul-getty/
Some of the comments “get it” but not head on. Guys tend to react to this threat like amateurs with no organization, no lingo, no concept that there is a world of lit on evolutionary biology, pua, mra out there and, worst of all, no references to H or GlennSacks.com, etc.
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[…] With inebriated girls you are best attempting a same night lay, as the liquor loosens her inhibito… […]
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This gets stuck in my head everytime I read this now:
“I’m dating around until I find that one woman I really click with. I think anything serious should develop naturally, and not be forced. Don’t you?”
A great line, and any man with an once of value should have no problem saying it.
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Situation (has occurred in the past, and likely in the future):
6′2″ guy – Call girl and try to set plans for weekend.
34C – Says she’s traveling this weekend, but wants to meet next weekend.
(several days pass)
34C – Texts Thursday that she wants to get together Friday.
6′2″ guy – Do not respond until Friday AM, saying I’m now busy, but could meet Sunday.
Question:
I didn’t have plans Saturday, but wanted to push back on her a little. Good call? Other suggestions?
Women….bah!
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Calvin: “It’s another shit test to see if you’re desperate or not.”
So reframe it as her that’s the desperate one.
Cute young baby challenging you to be man enough: What are you looking for?
You: A woman who is desperate to find a big, strong man… who is mature and intelligent and knowledgeable enough… to unleash that passion that’s been locked up inside her… for sooo long…
Steady gaze with the barest hint of a smile; when her nonverbal signals attracted and nervous – like a schoolgirl – go in for the kiss.
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“* “I’m looking for something serious.”
Lying is unnecessary in this situation, as I will demonstrate below. Also, saying this risks turning her off if you miscalculate and she’s *not* looking for something serious.”
perversely, saying ‘i’m looking for something serious’ may even turn her off if she is looking for something serious and looking to hear just this answer.
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ditto, I love a good name/icon, dont fuck with a classic brand.
remember newcoke? what are you on? change it back!
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@Laura “I think he “lol”‘ed one of my comments on here.”
It couldn’t have been funny – cuz you’ve said only unattractive women are. Unless….
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before sex:
“What are you are you looking for?”
–this is usually asked by women 30yo or older. I would stay away from this unless you want a quick lay.
My response:
-Well… that depends on the woman whom I am with.
(smirk smile and change of subject)
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If she says she has a boyfriend, you can laugh if you do it the right way. better than response 3. Whoosh!
Her: I’m hanging out with my boyfriend
Me: haha good answer
. . .then say nothing until she responds–better than 50% chance she will
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Re: “What are you looking for?”
I usually say “Experiences. I’m done with things and focus on experiences. An experience may lead to something long term. Or not. But I want to enjoy the experience and whoever I’m with to enjoy it at least as much as I do.”
This has worked quite well for me.
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For the boyfriend one what about a type of response like this:
“*insert random comment here*” then say…….”oh I thought we were talking about things that didn’t matter ;)”
in response to her say she has a BF.
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