Email #1 is from mkubuwa:
Hi R.,
Recently came across your blog; in one word…eye-opening! You seem to be a sage in these matters, so I have a girl issue that may just be down your alley of expertise…
I recently saw a girl on the train, a solid 9 if I’ve ever seen one. Problem is I’m not sure exactly how to open her. Trains are notorious for being conversation dead-zones as most people just tune out once they get on. She’s always frowning out of the window (hard day at work?) and sitting too far in the seating row for me to get to without making it obvious.
I could just walk up to her direct but I get the feeling that her defence shields would be up before I could even open my mouth. I’ve thought about giving her a written note “Frowning = Wrinkles. You’d look better with a smile” while getting off at my stop, but the problem is we both get off at the end of the line.
Any thoughts on how to get over this problem? I can handle bar and club openers, but public transport is a first for me. I only see her once in a while on the train, so the next time I see her I’ve got to make it count…
Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Never tell a girl to smile as part of a pickup gambit. This will always backfire on you. It’s not because girls don’t like to be reminded they look dour; no, it’s because girls will rightly perceive such a gambit as a beta attempt to manufacture positive rapport. Never push rapport before its time.
A good opener is what you wrote in your second paragraph. “Do you ever notice how people on trains just tune out once they get on? It’s gotta be the most anti-social environment on earth.” Obviously, you have logistical problems on a train that you won’t have in a bar. Namely, lots of people in a cramped space between you and her. Walking up to a chick on a packed train will look and feel weird, no way around that. Your best bet is to be standing near where she’s sitting, so that you can look over your shoulder at her. Or get a seat next to her.
***
Email #2 is from R.:
I’ve stumbled on a form of game even more potent than Hangover Game…New Crib game, and it goes something like this;
Suppose you move, it doesn’t matter when, but you have a new place to bring your girls, here’s a sample text;
Me: Whats up?
Her: (blah) (blah) (blah) (blah)
Me: That’s cool, you should come check out my new place soon, its dope.
Her: Ooh a new place 🙂 where?
Me: (XXX) (XXXXX) Street in (XXXXX)
Her: I’ll try to swing by this weekend 😉New Crib game seems temporal, but that’s totally up for debate. I’ve been at my new spot for two weeks and have had five girls over. I’ll need to wait a few months to see if any girls I haven’t spoken to in a while text or run into me, and I will try to run this new game on them.
New crib game. I like it. It sounds like a solid ploy for getting girls back to your place, as long as you use it on new girls. There’s no reason why a place you’ve been living in for years can’t serve as a “new pad” for girls who don’t know any better.
***
Email #3 is from The Hungry One:
A friend of mine is one of your regular readers, and pointed out something you’d written a few days ago, about signs your wife is about to cheat. Enough of it rang true to worry me – though she’s actually sexually dead most of the time, and I have objective proof that she hasn’t been screwing around. Yet. But something has to be done, or my marriage is done.
So I read a couple dozen of your other articles, and while most of it is about landing new girls, you hint at relationship game, but always from the point of view of having someone interested in sex but not in her current man. What I have is the inversion: she’s disinterested in sex generally, though not actually frigid (she can, but doesn’t much want to), and in all other ways her usual self. Price of motherhood, sure, and depressed libido is common as dirt after bearing a couple kids… but either this stops, or I do.
Refocusing her sex drive wouldn’t be much of a problem, as your earlier posts agree, but waking it up in the first place is an issue. Alcohol often works, but I can’t realistically get her blitzed every couple days. Clearly, proper game is the correct approach to the problem.
Give a brother a hand, Dark Master.
Objective proof she isn’t cheating? Is she in your field of vision 24/7? If not, then you have no proof. What you have, perhaps, is a lack of evidence that she’s cheating, but absence of evidence is not evidence of faithfulness. If my wife were frigid, the first thing I would suspect is cheating.
The second thing I would suspect is an abnormally low libido. Though I have never personally been acquainted with a girl suffering from such a debilitating affliction, I have heard tales of horror from friends recounting their wive’s utter disinterest in sex. Scientific studies of a dubious sort have identified anywhere from 10-30% of women have extremely low libidos. Woe to the man stuck with one of these sandpaper snatches. Your pain echoes throughout the universe.
If it’s well-lubed, exciting sex you want from her, then it’s almost irrelevant whether the cause of her dreary desiccation is unfaithfulness or physiology. Your mission will be the same.
Run relationship game. Teasing, push-pull, heavy doses of dominance, condescension, and mysterious disappearances will work best. If she’s cheating, or thinking about cheating, this will help lure her back into your orbit.
The next step, should the above fail to thaw her out, is a long, grapeseed oil massage. Don’t tell her it’s a prelude to sex. Just command her to lay on her stomach naked and give her the massage, then when she’s fully relaxed begin stroking her labia, inner thigh, and side boob. Stop after ten minutes, and tell her to get dressed, you’re done for now.
There is nothing wrong with getting her blitzed. A week after the massage, ply her with a couple glasses of red wine, then inform her it’s time for another massage. When you’ve massaged her labia to a screaming red crescendo, enter her from behind as she lays on her stomach. If, after all this, she resists, you my friend must get yourself a mistress. Or leave her. No man deserves such a miserable fate. When the kids ask why you left, tell them Mommy didn’t respect the cock.
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Email #4 is from Chad:
Think you can say a word about “promise her the world” game, for those times when you’re slumming it and need some serious downward calibration?
“Promise her the world” game, also known as “I’ll show you the end of the rainbow” game, is a risky ploy. Pimps are masters of promise the world game, but pimps juxtapose their promises with pimp slaps. A beta playing promise the world game with a hot chick is going to get chewed up and spit out for shits and giggles. Hell, he might even get embarrassingly rejected by a war pig.
Remember, if you’re going to effectively play “promise the world” provider game (and provider game is a close cousin of vulnerability game) you have to have already established your alpha bona fides. Telling a girl you’ll show her the moon from a position of neediness will taint the moon for her. She wants to go to the moon with a man who might very well jettison her like a second stage rocket during the trip. When you make yourself scarce, your promises will have more meaning.
That said, if you really are slumming it, (and the widely accepted definition of slumming it is banging girls 3 or more points below your rank), then you don’t need much game at all. Be all the beta you can be! Let your herb flag fly. Caress her hair while you talk to her with the greatest earnestness about teaching boys to play with dolls. Tell her you’re falling for her… after the first drink (which you bought her of course). Remind her incessantly how much you love kids and how your greatest talent is your loyalty to girlfriends. Proclaim yourself a feminist. Laugh at every one of her dumb jokes. Compliment her eyes, hair, lips, body, and legs. Ask her if she’d like to go on a date with you in three hours.
In this scenario, promise the world game can work very well, if you deliver it with the romantic bravado of a Romeo in love. If the girl is a fatty and hasn’t seen cock in years, then expressively emoting about the wonderful journeys you two will take together, and the experiences you will share, just you and her against a cold, cruel world, will cause her to swoon like a toad in the midsummer heat. Detail is the key. You must learn to speak with efflorescence. Romantic minutiae is chick crack.
when worst comes to worst my comments come first
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Never tell a girl she looks tired, needs to smile more, etc. You can subcommunicate it but don’t verbalize it directly.
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I’d say the best strategy for email guy #1 to overcome the camped awkwardness of on train approach, is to approach her once they both get off at the end of the line stop. Then the line Roissy pulled from the email to use in speaking with her could be the opener. Or other day game type things.
Even if they don’t have the same stop he could just get off with her, with some invented excuse for what he got off there for the first time if she’s noticed that and mentions it to him.
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Editor, in your response to the married man, you mention he should seek out a mistress if the wife doesn’t come around. You have hinted around the concept of infidelity in previous posts, but I think its time that you devote an entry to the subject.
How does a married man pull it off? As a married man with another girl in mind, I have found it an almost impossible riddle to solve. Not so much attracting the other woman in the first place, but managing the relationship and the marriage.
It seems to me that the mistress will soon come to realize that she’s getting very little out of the affair. Most girls probably realize this from the outset and while attracted to the married man, will not go down that road beyond flirting. But for those that do engage in the affair, it seems that they will eventually come to see the futility in the affair AND their devastating amount of leverage in coercing the cheating husband that seeks to maintain his marriage and home.
Is adultry something that only the most alpha should even contemplate? The reasoning being that even if caught, they are likely able to salvage their marriage?
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The Truth–
Nah. You can say those things sometimes. Just not before she’s well into you.
They’re strong negs though. In general you want to put her on emotional roller coaster drives, not drive her deeper into deprin when she’s feeling low. Once she’s into you in fact, when she’s looking and feeling tired most of the times you want to comfort her and be a rock for her, and maybe boost her up. Not from the mindset that that’s your responsibility, but just that you care. Get her feeling comforted and a little better, and then tease her about something. That stands a good chance of getter her to smile or laugh or playfully tussel with you a little. She experiences emotional roller coaster rides with you, mostly fun and regularly exciting.
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I’m echoing the “never tell a woman to smile” sentiment.
It completely pisses us off when some guy who doesn’t know you or anything about tells you to smile.
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Haha I remember telling girls to smile back in highschool. Never once worked.
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“When the kids ask why you left, tell them Mommy didn’t respect the cock.”
The months of therapy this would save most kids.
Kid: “Daddy, did you leave mommy because I was a bad kid?”
Dad: “No, son. I left because your mother doesn’t respect the cock.”
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To email guy #3 I’d add to Roissy’s many bits of excellent strategy this one: make her jealous by flirting with hot women in front of her. (This is something Roissy has in other posts about relationship game recommended. He just didn’t get to it w/you for some reason.)
It’s unwise probably to do that in front of her out of the blue if you haven’t been relationship gaming her along the lines Roissy suggests. After you’ve gotten good a teasing her and she’s responding, before or after moving on to warm oil massages, start flirting more with attractive friends or acquitences of yours or hers. Then after that hot strangers. You shouldn’t take it too far at this stage. Your object is show your wife you can get other hot or hotish women’s interest. Your mindset should be playful. “Hey it’s just a little innocent play, love.” You’re not trying to look on the verge of cheating, but rather that you easily could if you decided to. This has magic LTR (incl. sex drive) awakening power.
(Also google site search here for “Relationship Week Dave from Hawaii” for the mother of all posts on relationship game. Roissy excepted the best of DfH’s comments over the prior year or so on his blog on relationship game. DfH turned his own marriage around from a stage worse than yours it sounds like (though he didn’t think any actual cheating yet either), to something really, really good, where she’s proud as hell of him, kids around with him about other henpecked husbands (even though she used to do that to him but is rather oblivious to the change), sexes him all the time and almost at will, and so on.)
The hormonal thing and lack of sex drive soon after or sometimes for long after having kids is very real in many women. Right after kids may be something of a lost cause for many of them. However homones in women are push pull. When she’s feeling hormonally juiced for sex, yeah she’ll be much easier to get excited. But good sex that at first she didn’t want at all can and will also juice her hormonal levels making her tend to want more of it. That’s part of how the massage become sensual becomes vaginal area massage become hot sex thing works.
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I hate when people tell me to smile.
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So what if the tables are turned. What if a girl tells YOU to smile.
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For letter 1, I don’t recommend walking with her off the train. You don’t wanna be that guy in the parking lot following her to her car. Girl get nervous.
Better to naturally find yourself in her proximity and open. Eaversdropeprs around you might make you feel inhibited, or make you wanna put on a show of coolness, depending on your personality and mojo levels.
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Sidewinder,
You’re in a bind. Cheating with a woman who is not herself married means you are putting yourself in the power of someone who is going to feel increasing resentment the longer she is #2. Finding a mistress who is already married and wants to stay married reduces that problem because she has as much to lose as you, but it’s no longer enough to just keep her satisfied because her husband might still find out and he will tell your wife.
If it would be disastrous for your wife to discover that you cheated, there’s no good solution (hookers will keep it secret but they’re a pathetic substitute for someone who’s actually into you). Work on your LTR game and make your wife appreciate you, and if she won’t then come right out and tell her her attitude is not acceptable. Make her choose — she can do it for you or someone else can.
My wife was depressed a few years ago and we had sex once every few months. Although I never cheated and never criticized her low libido (she was good to me in all other respects), *I did not attempt to hide the fact that the temptations to cheat were continually increasing*. She figured out that not being in the mood wasn’t a good reason, and discovered that the more she went ahead anyway, the better it got. Now she’s not happy unless she gets it every night (and, whenever the kids are all out of the house and we’re both home, during the day as well).
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That said, if you really are slumming it, (and the widely accepted definition of slumming it is banging girls 3 or more points below your rank), then you don’t need much game at all. Be all the beta you can be! Let your herb flag fly. Caress her hair while you talk to her with the greatest earnestness about teaching boys to play with dolls.
So true. The last mud turtle I fucked was about a year ago and I didn’t really use any game at all. We were talking in between sessions at a conference hosted at my university and I just said, “Hey want to come back to my place?”. I fucked her with the semi I could barely muster for such a creature and she still texted me to tell how great a time she had and to call her any time I was in Athens.
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Polymath,
Excellent points. Thanks for responding. I’ve come to the same conclusions as your analysis.
In my case, the girl is married, but her husband is lower status and I’m afraid that she would eventually start to question why she couldn’t replace my wife.
Fortunately, i have no complaints with my wife. She is objectively hotter than the other girl, and she likes to screw. She is also an excellent mother. But it is undeniable that there is a connection with the other girl that does not exist with my wife. I’ve considered whether to make it a purely emotional affair for this reason, but I’m not naive to nature.
I’m leaning towards the depressing conclusion that I not only can have no relationship with this other person I have so much in common with, but that I can never this kind of connection with any female for as long as I’m married. Maybe I’m being a greedy baby, or a dim-wit that should have figured out this sacrifice before I got married. But regardless, it objectively sucks. I know that I would be a happier person if I could have a relationship with the other woman and stay married.
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Do not slum.
Just don’t.
Just because someone is ugly doesn’t mean they are harmless.
It damn sure doesn’t mean that everyone they know is harmless.
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@ Polymath
Also, your wife sounds like a great person. I have found that the key to the LTR sex game is to teach your girl what a turn on it is for them to be submissive and dominated by their man. I’m not talking S&M bondage shit or anything, and I won’t get graphic, but once they embrace the idea that they are to serve their husbands in this respect, they start to realize how kinky the male/female relationship is in its natural state.
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since your taking random emails; I ‘ll post my recent Match/ internet dating results.
40 yrs old NYC bachelor.
Realize some of you ragged on this; put up these #s and we will talk.
6 dates in 14 days
———————-
1.) Great photo of face (8.5+); in person too short, gut rolls; dumpy booty, under 7.
2.) 15 yr old photo of an 8; literally her driving license scanned. Disappointing, now a 6 red head/irish not aging well.
3.) Hot Brazilian/Russian mix 9+; singer with indie label. She kept texting her manager/pimp or whatever…no go after 45 min date.
4.) Solid 7.5 face; 9 model body; made out. 2nd date coming.
5.) Cute 24 yr. old from Milan, solid 7; good to know you can pull young twat. back burner.
6.) Nut job 7.5; melt down in emails; proferred a 10 bullet point questionaire b-4 date.
7.) Lucky seven. 28, solid 8, long legs/C cups. Met with demi-bottle of Perrier Jouet Champagne ($16) in atrium/patio of my building w/candle @7pm. Banging till 2 am.
Now the reality.
Match is a cesspool of mis-representation and 3-15 yr old photos and abuse of body type policy (ie, curvy=fat) and vast majority of women under 7.0
However, if you are willing to do the work, after 7 dates, statistically you will get quality or laid. You will have to hustle and be creative. Some hot babes list themselves as average bodies; and some fat ones as slender (eg, body dismorphia?).
Either way i scheduled all dates 25 feet from my apt., limited to one drink, budget of $20, and looped in “wanna to see my place, use bathroom, see roof/sunset”, to get 2/3rd into apt.
The really elite 8.5-10s are this week & weekend. Will update on dates for Thur, Fri, Sat and Monday.
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“to swoon like a toad in the midsummer heat”
That’s to friggin’ funny.
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Sometimes birth control pills cause a decrease in libido. Switching to a different pill or a different form of birth control sometimes solves the problem.
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R, thanks but getting the bang is definitely not the issue.
I’m talking about putting at ease limited experience 6s that are (rightly) insecure about keeping a higher value guy. They’re easily frightened off and cling tightly to the dream that the next cock will be the one that marries her. These girls love deeply, an exquisite pleasure. But if she knows you’ve been with much hotter women, her skepticism can be very hard to overcome. My hunch is that “promise her the world” game can really shine here, and my batting average with these types suffers because it’s not in my arsenal. Keep in mind that the goal is to enjoy their love and sex for a couple months, not just one night (which is relatively easy… and joyless).
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Why are all these married men asking single men for marital advice?
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Laura, it is because they know better precisely for the fact they are single.
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laura,
personal experience is not a prerequisite for knowledge. this is a female mode of thought. you are simply mistaken as to what expertise is required to give good advice in this realm. single men who “know” women will give WAY better advice than married men who don’t. women aren’t any different because they are married, they respond to the same acts and words they did when single–single men can help married men act SINGLE again, which is what keeps fickle women from falling out of love/lust on the whole
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“Cuidado pra não padecer: sua mulher gosta de dinheiro, não de você.”
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Polymath, are you telling the truth?:
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omg i was on a train once and this girl way up front kept looking way back and smiling at me.
she was hot so i joined her for a bit.
it was a night train.
we made out and i got some pussy and she gave me a hand job neath those little train blanckets.
i thoink the ocnductor knew what was going on but he left us alone zlzlzoozozlzlzllzlzlzlzlzlzlzllz
she came and so did i
first time i got off at my stop, and also got off beofre it. lzozlzllzlzlzlzzlzl!!!
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Chad, seriously man…don’t go there.
If you must, only do it as explicit one night stands. Do not promise anything or imply anything more than a night of fun.
Promises made to a woman with less experience and fewer options will be taken more seriously than they would with someone with more experience and options. With many women in that looks range, age or kink level is not an indicator of experience.
You should also consider that homely girls often elicit more protective impulses from their male friends and relatives. Unless you have enough money or status to insulate yourself from them, don’t bother.
If you need the “girlfriend experience”, there are hot professionals who get paid to do that.
Don’t go promising the world to a nice girl because when it’s time to pay up, and you come up short, it’s not going to be pretty.
I have eviscerated more than one ego in my day. My favorite line when I’m being dumped for something stupid is, “Wow…I’ve never been desperate enough to fuck someone who disgusted me. What’s that like?”
What’s funny is that they *always* come crawling back. Pathetic. If you really feel you’re superior to someone, and that they’re disposable, why would you keep coming back for more?
…to remind them how worthless they are to you?
If you’re sadistic enough to be into that, then nothing I’m telling you now would stop you. Just realize that if you do this kind of thing, it makes you defective, not them.
So you’re not really slumming if you’re a sick fucker with mommy issues who needs an ugly girl to soothe your fragile psyche. You’re actually aiming too high for what you really deserve.
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Mind you, I’m not saying that it won’t work. It worked for me a couple of times.
It’s just that it didn’t get them what they thought they would get from it.
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omg if your wife doesn’t want to have sex like get a new wife who does ro something…
and what the hell are you getting married for anyways don’t you knopw that modern women turn of sex to husbands lzozlzlz as they are commanded to by cosmo so as to break up the fmaily and find pseudo alpha cox whcih you have to p[ay for for her to suck on with alimony and child support?
lzolzlz!!!
see–the act of wanting to get married is ver, very beta. women look down on those who propose which is why they 1) shut of sex to them 2) initiate 80% of divorces as the fed and state incetivizes them with alimony (which the state/lawyers) gets a cut of while the woman gets unlimited cocka while her beuaty holds out and it will hold out long as she will buy lipo with your geico money and she willuse the alimony for a gym membership and fake boobz lzozllzlz
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the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence!
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polymath game: be a beta 6 at MIT to secure marriage with a demure 9, then learn alpha behavior and she’ll want sex every night! repeat x 1,000,000 and society is saved
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“women look down on those who propose”
very often, quite literally.
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Candali,
No lie — if I get into bed and am too tired or preoccupied to initiate anything, she can’t sleep and tosses and turns, keeping me awake, until I get the hint (or occasionally she just climbs on me). She falls asleep just fine when I am not in bed yet, so it’s not insomnia, but when I come to bed I make sure to wake her up even if it is 3:30am and I am going to have to get up at 6:30 anyway. (“Stop, let me sleep” is always to be ignored, she sleeps much better afterwards.)
Sidewinder,
You can have a non-sexual friendship with another woman you have emotionally connected with, and stay happily married, under 3 circumstances: either
1) you encourage your wife to get to know her and be friends with her too
or
2) the other woman is very happily married
or
3) you have near-superhuman powers of self-control.
It’s not a good idea to shun all other female interaction. Being friends with other women will make you more attractive to your own wife AND will make her more attractive to you as you can better appreciate her particular charms. But if you fear spiraling into an affair, inoculate yourself by involving your wife in the friendship.
If your wife and this woman have nothing in common, then this may not be an option, unfortunately — then you need to be realistic about whether a friendship can respect sexual boundaries (sometimes it can, but it depends on the particular 2 people involved).
The concept of “emotional affair” should be rejected. If (but only if) you can maintain your boundaries, your friendships may be very emotionally charged: as long as you don’t ever speak badly of your wife and you keep your clothes on, you are not betraying her. This is a particularly appropriate issue on which to stand firm (strong alpha/beta separator).
Re dominance in bed — a very individual thing, how much dominance is enough depends on the woman (though it’s usually more than you would expect).
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Do not slum. Just don’t.
Men have slummed it with Nicole many times.
Just because someone is ugly doesn’t mean they are harmless.
Nicole nurses revenge fantasies against the men who slummed it with her.
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Cannon:
A beta 6 would never get a 9. However, a 7 can get an 8. And it’s possible to become more alpha at any time.
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Hi-fuckin’-larious. Actually i don’t really understand the issue in Chad’s letter – the above quote seems to summarize it- but understand very clearly what Nicole was saying. If you slum below your level you’ll end up breaking hearts – always very bad karma – and land in bunny-boiling territory. Why? Just for a lousy bang? I mean I’m not crazy about the expression “mud turtle”, but are they worth it?
@PA, doug – I’m not sure about “end of the line” game for reader #1. I see advantages to each. It would seem to be very context-dependent. If you’re the creep who follows her to her car, sure it will backfire, but there are better ways to handle this. The right kind of cocky-funny stuff would shock her out of her commuter stupor, in a good way.
@polymath, sidewinder, reader #3 – great exchange. very good stuff. disconcertingly compelling.
So we all have to get in touch with our inner pushers.
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omg reading through these comments we all must wonder if other than roissy and i if anyone here has ever gotten laid or even copped a feel. z.ozozlzlzlzlz!!
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Nicole, our blog host regularly talks about manipulating female emotions and the concomitant pleasures of freely granted sex and love. I’ve highlighted what I think is a particularly promising source for the latter, more elusive delight. If you think that’s disturbing, I can’t help you.
On the other hand, if anyone wants to convince me that the rich dish I like to taste from time to time can be had just as well with 8s and up, feel free. But my sense is that inexperienced 8+s are too rare and the experienced ones have dulled to the circus lights.
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I’m new here but I’ve seen a recurring theme…
Why does Doug1 seem to believe he’s Roissy’s intern or second in command in the comments section? Is he officially Roissy’s designated assistant? A Dark Apprentice? What’s with all his unsolicited bossy coaching of other commenters?
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@ Polymath,
Bringing wife into relationship-
I’m not sure bringing the wife into the relationship could work. I have been in a similar situation before, and it resulted in essentially the end of my emotional relationship with the outside girl (and it was never a romantic emotional relationship to begin with). Maybe it worked out for the better, but the end result was that my relationship with the girl became completely pc, superficial and boring, and I ended up hanging out more with her husband.
In this case, I am afraid my wife would quickly figure out that this girl was a threat because of everything I have in common with the girl that my wife does not possess. I would suffer similar consequences as if I had had the affair, and find myself in the same situation where I could never talk to the girl again.
And I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I am concerned how the other girl would interpret my bringing in my spouse chaperone. I think she would probably be hurt and interpret that as me writing her off.
Friendship with boundaries-
Ideally, I would like to think this could work. I get the feeling that the other girl would only begin a relationship with the boudaries you mention. But I wasn’t born yesterday. While she isn’t an 8 like my wife, she is a strong 7 and truth be known I would like to sleep with her. I’ve interacted with enough attractive girls to know how my mind works: i’d be subconsciously working every opening and gaming the relationship towards banging her. I would eventually find myself in one of those inescapable situations where a line would be crossed. The only way I see this working would be to demasculate myself, put on a socially-acceptable non-sexual front, and have a totally useless and fake relationship with her.
Unfortunately, I think any attempt at a controlled or limited relationship with this girl would require compromises in integrity that I’m not willing or capable of making. At least not without being a huge beta herb in the process. I’m hoping you can convince me otherwise.
I’d also be interested to know what the girls on here think.
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No need to slum with anything less a 5- EVER!
A 4.9 if you are both drunk and it is a sure thing plus she needs to have a slaming body.
if you do slum- you are ordering her to blow you- to masterbate- and asking her if she has any lube for an anal fucking.
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The more women you fuck- the easier it gets.
As you fuck multiple women it seems that initial beauty diminishes quicker than your ejaculate.
All of a sudden the 7 doesn’t look like the bombshell she did pre game.
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@Sidewinder: “As a married man with another girl in mind, I have found it an almost impossible riddle to solve. Not so much attracting the other woman in the first place, but managing the relationship and the marriage.”
While this doesn’t help you much if you have one particular woman in mind, it’s been my observation that there is a reasonably large subculture of women who get off on being the other woman. If you want to think of it from PUA perspective, the fact that their social value is lower than the wife (and by induction, you) keeps them hooked. They’re always striving to be higher on the status totem pole (aka, your pole). Most seem to date the boss, professor or whatever, so they’re already lower on the status hierarchy.
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Just a thought on the married man’s frigid wife dilemma – a lot of folks don’t understand this…but one of the primary reasons women get post-partum depression and a lowered sex drive is because making babies requires a great deal of the female bodies stores of vital nutrients and essential fatty acids.
Since your sex drive is regulated by your bodies hormonal production, it’s no surprise that many women today have a severely decreased sex drive after popping out a couple of babies.
The primary culprit here has been the completely false promotion of “saturated fat” and “cholesterol” as the culprits of heart disease and obesity. This has lead to millions of people avoiding healthy fats in their diets, which contributes greatly towards malnutrition, depression and loss of libido.
This is compounded by an emphasis on carbohydrates, sugars and vegetable oils high in Omega-6 fatty acids, all of which promotes obesity, diabetes and cellular inflammation.
If LTR Game and whether or not you’ve “beta-ized” in your marriage is not the primary culprit here, you should look into adding some quality, nutrient dense, high-fat foods to your diet.
Cook everything in high quality butter…quit buying lowfat or nonfat milk, yogurt, sour cream and other dairy foods…opt for the “whole milk” or “whole fat” varieties.
You will notice an increase in both or your libidos pretty damn quickly.
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I’d also be interested to know what the girls on here think
I think with friendship with boundaries either those boundaries are going to be broken, or one of your hearts is going to be broken, or both. The only way in which friendship with boundaries could possibly survive is if she were in another relationship, which was a happy one, and if you could take the necessary pain involved in this.
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Sidewinder,
You’re the one who’s in the position to judge, from what you say it sounds like you can’t meet any of the 3 conditions I mentioned (your wife and the other girl don’t have anything in common, the other girl is capable of straying, and you don’t trust your own self-control).
Your problem seems to be that you only have two predefined categories for how you relate to women — that you’re somehow a different person depending on whether sex with the girl is or is not a possibility. You don’t have to become beta in order to signal that you want there to be boundaries. Simply interact normally; treat her like the interesting person she is, don’t cross any boundaries yourself, and if she ever crosses one brush it off with “sorry, I appreciate your interest but I’ve decided this would not be a good idea.”
If you think that there’s a significant chance you wouldn’t be able to handle this, you need to wait. What I have found is that whenever I get to know an interesting and attractive woman whose friendship I would value highly, there is a period of infatuation with a lot of sexual tension during which I must be careful not to push things. At some point (typically a month or two) the tension is reduced (I still feel attraction but not infatuation) and it is possible to maintain a friendship without worrying about being carried away. I’ve never had an overt pass made to me during the infatuation stage; after 27 years of marriage, I’m confident that this is because I project the right amount of interest and is not just good luck, but your mileage may vary. If you don’t think you’d be able to resist an open proposition, you’ve got to wait.
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“Just because someone is ugly doesn’t mean they are harmless.
It damn sure doesn’t mean that everyone they know is harmless.”
This is awfully true. The ugly chicks I’ve dealt with either as colleagues or as friends have tended to be either unbearably quirky or borderline mentally ill. Their other friends usually weren’t peaches either.
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“You will notice an increase in both or your libidos pretty damn quickly.”
You’ll also notice an increase in the diameter of your waist and ass pretty damn quickly.
The “healthy fats” you’re speaking of are polyunsaturated and monounsaturated fats – not saturated fat. Cholesterol consumed orally is less of an issue. While I agree that our current reliance on carbs and/or grains is not productive, I also think that a lot of the damage in that department comes from excessive consumption of corn products and/or low-fiber, highly refined grains whose nutritional value approaches nil.
Most Americans suffer from an absolute surplus of lipids and hardly need to be consuming more. By the same token, many people who consume relatively little fat (vegetarians, vegans, people who only consume lean meat, etc) have healthy libidos and are healthier overall. Before organized civilization, humans often consumed a diet dominated by nuts, vegetables, fruit, some grains, and perhaps a bit of lean meat.
Encouraging Americans who already subside on the “junk food diet” to pack in more saturated fat is a recipe for absolute disaster.
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Polymath,
Thanks again for the advice. This is obviously something difficult to discuss with anyone in my real world, so I appreciate you sharing your experience.
Re: less attractive chicks-
They are not harmless and they will seriously f up your life. If you are a man, you owe it to the natural order to try and land as hot a chick as your social status and game skills will allow. Settling for a girl you aren’t attracted to will never work, no matter how strong the mental and emotional connection. And the spurned girl WILL go kamikaze on your ass. She won’t give a fuck.
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Omarion, you couldn’t be more wrong. If eating saturated fats made you fat, I’d be fat. The fact is changing my diet and following “paleo” principles lead me to lose weight and get into the best shape of my life.
One thing a lot of readers know is this: everything you thought you knew about women, the female gender and relationships as promoted by the mainstream media is all lies and deception designed to promote dysfunction and to destroy the nuclear family.
The same goes for diet and nutrition, and Omarion is repeating all of the exact same lies designed to fool the masses of sheeple.
Omarion, do your homework and come back when you realize the error of your ways.
You can start with: Gary Taubes, Good Calories, Bad Calories.
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Most Americans suffer from an absolute surplus of lipids and hardly need to be consuming more. By the same token, many people who consume relatively little fat (vegetarians, vegans, people who only consume lean meat, etc) have healthy libidos and are healthier overall.
LMAO. Another deluded vegan/vegetarian.
Here’s another homework assignment for you Omarion:
Lierre Kieth’s Vegetarian Myths.
She was a 20 year vegan, who’s health suffered dramatically for it.
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Of course, if you really want the quick explanation as to why you’re dead wrong, omarion, here’s a recent article:
The war on fat may be making us sicker
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absolutely off topic, but I am in Mark sisson´s newsletter.
He just sent an email showing the benefits of eating bone marrow. Until now, I was in that default mode with Mark, agreeing with everything he writes because someone said so. Until I read him explaining where you find bone marrow:
Bones are cheap, and most people that buy them buy them for their dogs. You’ll even see marrow bones marked as “dog bones” in shops. Personally, I’m glad they’re an underappreciated food. If people think of them as dog food, they stay inexpensive. Dogs crave them, love them, but they can’t really spur demand and constrain supply. They alone can’t drive the prices up. So, for the time being, marrow bones, even the grass-fed stuff, remain highly affordable
Thanks, mate. Bone marrow is dog food.
gig´s maxim 45: every diet tends towards the ridiculous and the absurd
gig´s maxim 46: every diet tends to failure once its adherents start following the most ridiculous and deranged aspects of it
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gig – I believe Mark is talking about when you go to shops that butcher their own meat, who often separate the marrow filled bones and sell it as “dog bones” because not enough people will buy it as food for themselves. I don’t think Mark is going to pet stores and buying the dog bones for the marrow….
A lot of people are grossed out by the idea of sucking marrow from a bone…but love to eat beef stew. Half the reason why Beef stew tastes so great is that boiling the soup bones essentially boils the marrow out into the broth. Marrow is the richest fat source found in any animal.
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Dave
The levels in your body of all of the hormones you mentioned – the ones having most to do with reproduction – are controlled by negative feedback loops. Inability to make enough is rarely if ever a factor if you are not starving and you can see whether or not someone is starving.. Your body can synthesize all of the needed components of hormones out of just about any diet.
If you give someone extra testosterone, for example, their balls stop producing it, regardless of his diet.
Fertile females are quite a bit more complicated because they have a number of positive feedback control loops controlling hormone levels. That is where BCPs work. By giving extra estrogen at the right time, the high spikes needed for the progression of a normal cycle are suppressed.
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If you give someone extra testosterone, for example, their balls stop producing it, regardless of his diet.
This is an apples and oranges comparison. Your body requires fats (cholesterol) to manufacture all of the hormones and tissues.
If you’re eating a low fat diet, you don’t have enough of the needed material to make adequate amounts. Eating a diet high in saturated fats (aka animal sources of fat – meat and dairy) gives your body the building blocks to make it.
google “saturated fats increase testosterone”
As for women – their testosterone levels are also key to their libido…check out this quote from Low Sex Drive In Women – Causes & Solutions
Note that low-fat diets are especially problematic, because your body needs lipids and cholesterol to make hormones, including the testosterone needed for sexual response.
It’s not just sex drive either. A lot of cases of depression may be in fact the result of not enough fat in the diet, so that the body cannot manufacture adequate levels of neurotransmitters and hormones that regulate your mood.
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Nichole is right. Especially about ‘It damn sure does not mean everyone they know is harmless.’
Ugly = mean, pretty much.
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Dave
Your body does not need to EAT fats and chlolesterol to have an abundance of them. These substances are produced naturally by biosynthetic processes. If this were not so, cholesterol levels could be effectively controlled by dietary changes alone and this is definitely not the case.
Cows are so full of fat & cholesterol that your beloved full-fat milk pours out of them like a river and eat they nothing but grass. If you say humans are totally different than cows you would be naive indeed.
Your notions about diet are not imho completely wrong but you don’t know what you don’t know.
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Your body does not need to EAT fats and chlolesterol to have an abundance of them. These substances are produced naturally by biosynthetic processes.
Yes, they are produced by the body…but the amount and quality produced depend upon the fuel you give your body to carry out those processes. A high saturated fat diet creates a higher quality “fuel.”
If this were not so, cholesterol levels could be effectively controlled by dietary changes alone and this is definitely not the case.
There are so many presumptions that go along with this that I do not have the time to address them, but let me start with the most basic: the idea that “HIGH CHOLESTEROL” is bad for you is nothing more than a giant scam designed to promote statin drug prescriptions (they are the most prescribed drug in the world), and that what you eat will definitely effect the TYPE of cholesterol you produce.
High quality fats and proteins, and minimal carbohydrates will promote the production of “high” overall cholesterol (usually over 225), but the key difference is the total HDL to total cholesterol ratio, and the LDL cholesterol density – light and fluffy.
Low fat/high carb diets full of Polyunsaturated fats have been tied to lower cholesterol levels with dense, tiny LDL particles…the kind implicated in heart disease and arteriosclerosis.
Cows are so full of fat & cholesterol that your beloved full-fat milk pours out of them like a river and eat they nothing but grass. If you say humans are totally different than cows you would be naive indeed.
Huh? Cows are ruminants. Herbivores. They are TOTALLY different from humans.
Look, I’m not totally disagreeing with you – whether you eat vegan or you eat paleo, your body will produce testosterone, estrogen, serotonin, dopamine etc….but how much it produces is definitely dependent on your diet.
That is why body builders have to eat so much protein to build so much muscle, while vegans who avoid protein and fats over a long period of time begin to resemble concentration camp survivors…
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Sidewinder,
I think Polymath’s advice to you is good. I agree that stepping back and giving it a few months to cool off with this woman is probably a good idea. Sometimes that initial attraction can be really intense and I know I haven’t always thought very clearly during it. I do think it is good to have friends of the opposite sex for a married person. I have sometimes felt like I have more of a connection with someone else then I do with my husband, but I think that’s normal. I don’t think it means my marriage is bad, it’s just unrealistic for one person to be everything to you.
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My usual breakfast is a nice scoop of eggs, a thick slice of salmon, and two cups of strong coffee. I take this approach for many reasons but not because I think my T or other hormone levels would be lower if did not eat that much paleo. It is way overkill for that.
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About the coffee. I don’t care what anyone thinks about it It is not an option.
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I have a hard time slumming it. I can’t deal with chicks that I know are beneath me. Something about it just turns me off and doesn’t even get me fully erect.
I’d rather go thru dry spells than fuck mud turtles most of the time. Then again… it depends on how long the dry spell gets to be, lol.
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having hijacked the post for dietary debate, I’d have say that I endorse the paleo diet and that it has benefitted me clearly.
But, as I said above, a measure that you are exagerating in any area is when you start behaving ridiculously. Eating dog food, or vulture food, like bone marrow, is ridiculous. You can get all the benefits of the paleo diet without walking down the food pyramid to compete with vultures. The only relationship you should have with vultures is through the discovery channel.
a personal example. one of my responsabilities in my job is to forecast inflation. a couple weeks ago we were expecting a new number, an Bloomberg was interviewing economists to ask about their numbers. At that time the consensus forecast was 0,53% m/m and my forecast was 0,56%.
SO they interviewed the guy with the highest number, 0,63%. And the guy said that his number was high but “one third of it was due to tomato alone”. Even though tomato has a low weight in the index, it oscilates so much that it can have an impact on the overall index. So I thought: this guy is placing a third of the inflation in an entire economy on tomato alone. That’s ridiculous forecast, even more so because he openly said that. You can’t rely on tomato for 33% of inflation.
the number that came was 0,55%.
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@ rum
I HATE HATE HATE anyone who says anything bad about coffee. Coffe for me is a non-issue. Only girly men, fags and aidetics in general don’t drink coffee.
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“Scientific studies of a dubious sort have identified anywhere from 10-30% of women have extremely low libidos.”
You all should check out the following page of scientific sex studies – http://stuartbrody.tripod.com/page3.htm
Some gems in there:
– Brody, S., & Kruger, T.H.C. (2008). Penile-vaginal intercourse decreases weight gain. Medical Hypotheses, 71, 812-813.
– Nicholas, A., Brody, S., de Sutter, P., & de Carufel, F. (2008). A woman’s history of vaginal orgasm is discernible from her walk. Journal of Sexual Medicine, 5, 2119-2124.
– Costa, R. M., & Brody, S. (2010). Greater frequency of penile-vaginal intercourse without condoms is associated with better mental health. Archives of Sexual Behavior, in press.
– Brody, S., & Costa, R. M. (2009). Satisfaction (sexual, life, relationship, and mental health) is associated directly with penile-vaginal intercourse but inversely with other sexual behavior frequencies. Journal of Sexual Medicine, 6, 1947-1954.
– Weiss, P., & Brody, S. (2009). Women’s partnered orgasm consistency is associated with greater duration of penile-vaginal intercourse but not of foreplay. Journal of Sexual Medicine, 6, 135-141.
– Brody, S., & Costa, R. M. (2008). Vaginal orgasm is associated with less use of immature psychological defense mechanisms. Journal of Sexual Medicine, 5, 1167-1176.
– Brody, S. (2007). Vaginal orgasm is associated with better psychological function. Sexual & Relationship Therapy, 22, 173-191.
– Costa, R. M. & Brody, S. (2007). Women’s relationship quality is associated with specifically penile-vaginal intercourse orgasm and frequency. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 33, 319-327.
– …and many others
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Hardy har says, “Men have slummed it with Nicole many times.”
Many times, yes, but not many men. Usually, the “relationship” lasted a year or more. “A couple of months” didn’t work out well because you don’t just find love everywhere you look for it.
I was not so easily replaceable, and well…you don’t know who everybody knows. In certain communities, news travels fast.
“Nicole nurses revenge fantasies against the men who slummed it with her.”
Not exactly. I just come from a conservative family, and had the distinct pleasure of seeing many examples of how our family deals with hostiles.
There are a couple of guys who *think* they’ve slummed it with me. None has actually done better.
So as much as they think they were aiming low, nature and time tells another tale entirely. It’s why I never really listen to pussy’s assessment of itself. I attempt to avoid doing that myself, based on anything but my actual track record. I’m aware that, as a woman, I am capable of lapsing into wishful thinking in that regard, so I try to stick to the facts, and not rely on illusions like “confidence” or “self esteem”.
I just can’t see the dark underbelly of omeganess in a guy and thereafter, view him as a man *worthy* of vengeance. They’re going to fuck themselves and get fucked, and I was probably the luckiest break they ever got on their way to either another uglier but less loving woman, or a hot harpy who will drag them to hell.
Do not slum. The ugly you put your dick in is likely the ugly that you are in male terms. If it takes an ugly woman to boost your ego, it’s because beautiful people are legitimately out of your league, no matter how you look or how much money you have, because you’re defective.
That defective pussified invertebrate deep inside you, rather than feeling lucky to find love from anywhere at all, qualifies people in ways that only a naturally low status being does, to try to climb the wrungs.
You’re no better than the ugly girl who tries to be a celebrity groupie to make her feel better about her coked out tore up from the floor up, raggedy worn out orifice.
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The only essential fatty acids are in the Omega-6 and Omega-3 families. Essential, in the dietary sense, means that the body requires these nutrients but cannot synthesize them. The body can make all other required fatty acids.
All Americans get enough Omega-6 – it’s everywhere, and your body has a long-term store of it roughly equivalent to last year’s intake.
Omega-3 deficiency is common, but the only way to fix it is by eating fish or taking fish oil supplements. (As an aside, everyone reading this should be supplementing Omega-3 daily. Aim for 2-3 grams of EPA+DHA combined. Look for the research, it’s there.)
Dave’s advice doesn’t make much sense to me, since basically everyone that’s not on a wacked-out diet gets enough Omega-6. Perhaps there’s some other reason his new diet has raised his libido.
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Gig, bone marrow isn’t just for the dogs. It has been an important ingredient in many cuisines for aeons. Ask any chef.
Soup stock is made by essentially breaking down the marrow and cartilage of bones.
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I have the misfortune of being married to an attractive and helpful woman who has totally lost interest in sex and is only interested in our kids. I’ve tried my best but find it hard to deal with. Yet I don’t want to get a divorce. However, my wife started telling me in whispered spurts that if I got a gf I should never tell her. Because I’m a successful professional who travels abroad I finally decided to let myself go. I’ve gotten into LTR with very attractive married women 20 years my junior. All are well off and well educated. At the moment I’m juggling two different ones on two continents. Unbelievably both accept whatever my conditions are. My wife looks the other way. I have no idea what happened. I used to be quite a beta, but for some reason I now have other young women practically throw themselves at my feet (I’m over 50) who are way above what i used to date before marriage. Somehow I’m more alpha now than I’ve ever been. I actually have to play Beta games to manage low drama breakups and move on to new playmates. Perhaps this is truly revenge of the nerds.
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Dave’s talking about fats, not fatty acids, and he recommended saturated fat, not omega-6. (And he’s right on the money.) Yes, most Americans get way too much Omega-6, but a better solution than adding more Omega-3 to combat it — since Omega-3 is also fragile and easily oxidized — is to reduce Omega-6 itself. Increasing saturated fat at the same time is a good idea for other reasons, not the least of which is that it makes things taste so good.
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sometimes i long for a long, plump, race-baiting comment here from the obsidian.
NO HOMO
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Sidewinder:
It sounds like you are looking for the sister you never had. The kind of highly emotional, non sexual relationship you describe is what used to be provided by siblings of the opposite sex. Unfortunately in this modern era of small families, that is something that is unavailable to many people.
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Yes, if we just eat a perfect ratio of various fats, fatty acids, and cholesterols (snicker, snicker) we will live forever or at least look like Olympians into our late 90s.
I have a thing for motorcycles. They are great teachers. They whisper in your ear: “Live today; no one gets out of here alive.”
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To Hungry One (Roissy Email #3)
I understand where you are coming from – I was in a similar position 18 months ago.
It is frustrating, but if you want to fix this, you have to reframe the problem as about your relationship not about your sex life.
Here are a few pointers:
1. You have to be the guy she finds attractive. Are you still that guy? What can you do to become that guy again?
2. Are you spending enough time together? Watching TV on the couch together doesn’t count – it’s going places, doing stuff, dating. Sounds lame and difficult with kids, work, etc, but this is important – you have to make the time.
3. Read Roissy’s summary of dave from hawaii. Lots of good basic application of PUA.
4. Treat fixing your relationship as a new hobby. When you have a new hobby, you research, you read up, try the simple stuff first, practice, make mistakes, try again, celebrate the small, early wins. This hobby is fun *and* rewarding.
I am guessing that your marriage didn’t become sexless over night, and so fixing your will take time and effort, and the time and effort is going to be mostly on your part.
Good luck.
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Roissy, if you put these entries together into a hardcopy book, I’d be straight buying a copy not just for myself but for my friends.
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Protein, good; vegan diets, sucky. During cold/flu season vegans are usually sick as dogs and contagious… run-down, feeling crappy and sneezing/coughing all over everyone else. With protein (we’re talking meat here) you’re stronger, healthier and, if you do get sick, you get over it quicker. I don’t know about vegan chicks who only get protein from one source (snicker) but they usually get it from some many different single sources that they may catch something else you don’t want either.
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A frigid, dumpy wife, bluechh. Why even bother. Christ.
Off topic: anyone else feel sick with contempt when a woman in authority (such as a teacher) gets upitty and tries to domineer you? And due to circumstance, you need to kiss her ass. Sickening.
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Sten,
Sidewinder is not looking for a brotherly relationship with the girl. Sexual attraction is an important part of even perfectly chaste male-female friendships — properly sublimated, it adds energy and intensity and makes the friendship itself better. However, this works best if one or both already have a romantic partner. If a man and a woman are both single, attractive, and compatible, keeping the friendship “platonic” is frequently asymmetric, unnatural, and frustrating (it usually means the man wants a romantic relationship and the woman has put him in what Roissy calls the “friend zone”). But this (how to move out of the friend zone) is a whole separate topic.
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Sten,
You make a very astute observation. I do not have any sisters. However, I’m only interested in the possibility of a non-sexual, emotional relationship because I cannnot imagine a scenario where an extra-marital sexual relationship could work. If it were utopia, my relationship with the other girl would be very sexual, while I remained married.
That being said, it would be a lot easier if the other girl were not a 7. If she were more like a 5, or maybe 6, my sexual interest and my wife’s concern would be small. If she were a non-sexual quasi sister to me, we could probably pursue a relationship without much difficulty. This scenario would be the second-best utopian arrangement.
Laura,
Thank you for the comments. While I agree whole-heartedly with both you and polymath’s advice, I do feel that both of you are reluctant to admit that as a married person (who wishes to remain married) there is a level of intimacy that is forever foreclosed from someone of the opposite sex with whom you share a strong connection. And its more than just the ability to have sex with the other person. Both you and polymath have good advice with how to make the best out of the situation, but there is still a loss there.
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Rum, I think you’re taking the paleo/anachronistic diet thing out of context.
When someone’s explaining the hows and whys, it seems like a lot of calculating and counting, but we get into it exactly because in real life, it *doesn’t* involve all that.
You just live your life and eat according to your heritage and what really works for humans that has been tested through both trial and error and science, not theories that work in a lab but not in real life.
…and when it doubt, you ask yourself, “What would my great grandparents do?”
Basically, it’s all about avoiding fake foods no matter how good for you marketers are telling you it is. That means the base of your food pyramid is fruits and vegetables, then meats/dairy, and grains are not your primary source of carbohydrates, but they’re good bacteria factories to keep your gutt healthy if you need that.
It means that if you’re of western European ancestry, you should probably avoid too much in the nightshade family because you’re not adapted to eat them without long term consequences like lupus, arthritis, etc.
It means that if you’re Black and not working outside most of the time, you should be eating more vitamin D rich foods and/or spending more time outside on purpose.
It’s less about a diet and more about a lifestyle…and really being comfortable with yourself and who you are.
After you learn how to eat, and what works for you, then you can think about stuff like calories for individual body modification. Many people don’t need to though.
If I never lost another kilo from this, I would feel okay. I’m just vain and like looking tough. Still, being fat and having the energy and agility to do whatever I want, and being able to enjoy real food, sure beats being a near motionless blob with a liver encased in corn oil.
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Canadian girls on the rampage….
http://www.thestar.com/living/article/791851–female-newlyweds-flock-to-join-cheaters-club?bn=1
Men….avoid marriage…..no matter what you do….dont get married. Specially to a western slut.
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Been a lot of interesting talk on the dietary fat/libdo front. I have some experience on this front—I keep fairly strict diet and carefully track my protein/carb/fat intake due to my athletic pursuits. In my opinion, the dangers of saturated fats and cholesterol are a bit overrated. Most people could stand eating 4 to 6 oz of red meat a few times a week along with a few whole eggs and be perfectly healthy.
As for the omegas, it’s the omega-3’s that are in short supply in the American diet. Omega-6’s are every-fucking-where and omega-9’s are frequent guests as well, especially if you eat a lot of olive oil. Getting more omega-3’s is pretty essential to maintain a good libido—these fats provide some of the precursors for testosterone production, which is a key driver for sex in both men and women. (Men produce, on average, about 10-11 times more testosterone than women, and so will generally have higher sex drives).
And important point that wasn’t discussed was the role of certain minerals in libido. Zinc and magnesium are two very important minerals for testosterone production—and other anabolic hormones as any bodybuilder or athlete will tell you. Most people in America have diets that are very deficient in these two minerals. You can usually find them in multivitamins—but they are of diminshed effectiveness here due to the presence of calcium, which can chelate the two minerals to make them inaccessible tothe body. It is for this reason that you probably shouldn’t take your vitamins with milk (water or juice is better).
So, basically, if you want your wife to want to fuck again you need the following things:
1. LTR Game
2. Omega-3’s (flaxseed, walnuts, and fatty fish like salmon or mackarel, or by supplement)
3. Zinc/Magnesium (various kinds of nuts and seeds ie, sunflower, pumpkins, cashews, etc, red meat, or by supplement such as ZMA)
Just my $0.02.
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You don’t know if you wife is cheating on you or not unless you have her on lockdown, and then, she’s probably unhappy. I’d just talk with her frankly about it. Ask if she still feels that same fire.
Then if you need to, get a side piece. You shouldn’t have to suffer like that.
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Faking Beta, why is it so unbelievable? This was normal life before the most recent wave of feminism.
I read between the lines of what my parents tell me about their married life. As far as I know they’re still monogamous, but even my fully Christian mom is starting to soften up as the reality of post menopausal life kicks in.
Some utterly disgusting but very telling humor comes up whenever we discuss our respective marital issues.
At some point in life, it is perfectly normal and natural for a woman to view sex as an expression of love on the level of breastfeeding, while at the same time becoming secure enough to let go of sexual monogamy as the basis of a committed relationship. Either she will become unselfishly sexual and no longer need to view her own sexual pleasure as a priority during the sex act, thus making his pleasure her pleasure, or she will delegate sexual intercourse to someone else.
Some women even start out that mature. It’s just often unspoken because until you’ve actually lived with someone for some years, you don’t always know if they have the ability to handle that kind of freedom.
…but I’m talking about wifely types here. Hoes are something else. They don’t really like sex in the first place, and have an inability to view it as an expression of love because their reasoning is exploitive, and they assume that men’s reasoning is also exploitive. They fill their lives with experiences that confirm this like self fulfilling prophesies…well, most of them. Some rare and special hoes are and have always been honest, and therefore find joy and pleasure in sex much in the same way a nurse finds pleasure in her work of caring for people.
So hoes are threatened more than normal by a man seeking alternate or additional partners.
What you’re experiencing, FB, is what they used to call “coming into your own”. When a man “comes into his own” he is a solid guy with solid relationships, and a good hold on life, and that is attractive.
It’s attractive to wife types, and also to honest hoes. It’s extremely attractive to wife types who are kind of situationaly hoe-like because you’re safe and fun rolled up into one package. Praise God, biomechanics, fate, whatever you like because you’ve got the nature that trumps the trends.
Nature always wins.
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trueman said:
“You don’t know if you wife is cheating on you or not unless you have her on lockdown, and then, she’s probably unhappy”
why am i so different than other women?
i always WANTED to be on lockdown, never understood why my previous LTRs DIDN’T put me on lockdown, just like i didn;t understand why my extraordinarily liberal parents didn;t give me more rules.
i have always wanted to be “owned”. now, i have never felt so valued loved and cared for. women say they dont want to be treated like “possesions”–well maybe their men dont treat their possessions like my hub does, but he LOVES them! he protects them, polishes them, organizes them, shows them off. if you have a man who loves his things, become one of his things for christ’s sake!!
everything is so upside down anymore it’s depressing. and i’m supposed to be the crazy one who’s in a weird relationship when it seems my relationship was the norm through the heights of civilization and is what all the men claim to want when unencumbered by having to pretend and lie for women
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Sidewinder,
I do not disagree with the statement
“as a married person (who wishes to remain married) there is a level of intimacy that is forever foreclosed from someone of the opposite sex with whom you share a strong connection.”
however what I have been saying is that this is true for some pairs of people but is not universally true for any man and woman who might be intimate friends without a sexual relationship.
If the mutual attraction is strong enough and the marriages in question are not secure enough, then it is indeed foreclosed, but this depends (someone in a more secure marriage can handle a greater degree of sexual tension in an opposite-sex friendship, and some people are better than others at sublimation). As you point out about yourself, if the other woman were somewhat less attractive then you could handle the tension and maintain a friendship.
My most intimate friend (apart from my wife) is my ex-girlfriend from high school (I met my wife in college). We have a very strong emotional connection, and a residual physical attraction, but because she and my wife are also good friends and our kids know each other, there is no difficulty maintaining boundaries. (However, my wife is a much more compatible mate for me than my ex-GF; if this were not the case I suppose it might have been more difficult.)
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Dana, you’re right about that. I believe that this is adaptive in humans, and likely responsible for the rise of tribes and civilization.
To ensure that offspring are his, and hell, that someone he’s bonded with who is substantially physically weaker than him doesn’t get dragged away or killed, it is essential that a guy feel some possessiveness. The female has to be part of his territory.
He can make adjustments based on the situation, but the protectiveness and feeling that she is part of his domain is crucial.
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Silver Fox:
omarion:
nicole said:
I’m less interested in screening out “obviously nutty”… whatever that means in this hyper-conformist culture and ball-busters… who will out themselves quickly enough, than detecting the outright bad and dangerously crazy women.
What do people think are the tells for “makes up false accusations to destroy your life for fun” or Amanda Knox type craziness. Or the hard-core use and exploit men crowd. The “oops pregnancy” and the “sure it’s yours” women. You know, the life-wreckers. I can deal with date-wreckers, I’m a big boy.
It’s a little more serious with the life-wreckers.
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comment_whatever
tell the woman news stories and made up stories about these scenarios and see what here response is. check her history . are her values based on principle or whim? if you have a fight, scare her a little, does she immediately threaten to call the cops?
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Dana, how does your husband own you? Be descriptive.
Telling a girl that I own a particular spot on her body has been surprisingly well-received by girlfriends. Am curious to hear other examples.
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oh–also,if a woman likes “bridges of madison county”, dump her
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chad,
i’m hesitant to give too many details because my abrasive persona has yielded me quite a few eAntagonists who would love nothing more to jump in with standard pop psychology bullshit regarding my arrangement
imagine the kind of guy who is normally described as “controlling” by those who seek to pathologize masculinity, like the makers of films like “sleeping with the enemy” and “falling down”. now imagined he is married not to a typical “you don’t own me” “independent” you-go-grrl who thinks her husband has no right to demand she toe the line in any aspect of her comportment, but to a woman who respects his dominant role and his desires regarding her appearance and behavior.
mostly it’s like takeninhand.com without the gay on purpose spanking
i’m not saying it’s for everyone, lots of men don’t want the responsibility entailed in having an ownership type relationship and way too many women just want to dress, speak and act however they want regardless of their marital status–good on them. my husband has just as many rules for his own behavior as he does for mine, its very much what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. i just know i am shockingly happy and fulfilled in this style relationship now that i have it and think maybe a lot of other women’s restless dissatisfaction and “depression” could be helped with a generous dose of “STFU” , a strong hand and a serious slap on the ass from their men.
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@Rum
My motorcycle screams death in my ear. Particularly when I got nudged by a car while driving down the highway at 60mph. He pulled into my lane (from behind!) and nudged me in the leg before he saw me and pulled back. I added ghetto lights after that, because my bike is too dark. Death is a good advisor, as Carlos Castañeda said.
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ha ha ha.
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Comment_Whatever,
How do you identify the evil ones before they ruin your lives? Interesting problem. If she is on good terms with her entire family and the family is intact (her biological parents are still married to each other), that’s a good sign. If she speaks badly of her ex-boyfriends that’s a bad sign. If her ex-boyfriends speak badly of her that’s a very bad sign. If her girlfriends speak badly of her that’s a very very bad sign (assuming you can rule out that the GFs are just trying to get you for themselves).
If she left an old boyfriend for you that’s not a bad sign, but if she slept with you before she stopped sleeping with him you have received a blazing signpost to her true character.
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As for the omegas, it’s the omega-3’s that are in short supply in the American diet. Omega-6’s are every-fucking-where and omega-9’s are frequent guests as well, especially if you eat a lot of olive oil. Getting more omega-3’s is pretty essential to maintain a good libido—these fats provide some of the precursors for testosterone production, which is a key driver for sex in both men and women.
As a matter of principle I simply refuse to take ANY o-m-e-g-a fatty acids.
I also make it a point to avoid downloading the beta versions of new software.
You just never know man.
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CW, dana has some good tells. As a believer in objective beauty though, I have done some looking for actual visible signs of crazy. I did this along the way of curing myself of visible signs of sucker.
General ugliness or not being a stunner is not really a sign of craziness. Most people are just okay. Some ugliness or deviation from the norm however, is a purposeful matter of style, or a sign of injury or neglect.
I’d say trust your instincts. To do that, you have to be in touch with them though. Again, do not trust the television or magazines to tell you what pretty is.
Also, be aware that mentally ill women trying to get married will often conceal their illness right up until the papers are signed. There isn’t always a way to tell, and often their families will lie and conceal things. So what you have to do is find someone who hates them, who has no interest in lying, and find out why.
I’m not saying that everybody in the world has to be perfectly sane to be worthy of love. Not everyone, especially not everyone truly special, makes it through this life without taking a few hits. It’s just that some illnesses make a person dangerous and toxic to be close to.
So if you get that squirmy feeling when you’re with someone, don’t ignore it.
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Tupac, do you make up for it by eating a lot of alfalfa?
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For relationship/marriage game, I’d say stay away from “mysterious disappearance” if you have kids. That will just piss your wife off to no end. You can’t disappear when you have kids to take care of and that will be incredibly counterproductive.
Now, teasing, push-pull and light condescension? That works. My wife is a very sharp woman so she doesn’t tolerate heavy condescension and frankly I find it disrespectful since I do love her intensely. Even at our young age we’ve dealt with libido issue… but kids will do that. It really is natural, especially when a woman is breastfeeding. It’s 100% physiological as prolactin, released by the suckling child, suppresses both fertility and sex drive. And, of course, a new baby releases a good chunk of beta in all of us and I’m far from being super alpha awesome whatever.
But I’ve found that some teasing, some push-pull and some flat out ignoring works beautifully. This is what I did just last night that worked well: Sat in the chair in your living room while watching TV at night instead of on the couch with her. When she asked “what’s wrong,” I ust acted like absolutely nothing is wrong but made it clear that I didn’t want to sit next to her on the couch. Then I went to bed early without saying a word. When she came in later, I said good night sleepily and left it at that. She was uncomfortable for a couple of minutes until I rolled over oh-so casually and just gave her a hug. She was relieved by the reassurance and replied with escalation and well… I got the result I was looking for and so did she!
It’s not wrong to game the woman you love and the mother of your kids. They want to be gamed a little bit! Hell, my wife actually flat out tells me she wants me to be the decision maker in the household about everything from finances to activities to do on the weekend with her and the kids to what’s for dinner adding “and if I have a real problem with that, I’ll tell you.”
A woman that flat out requests for me to be alpha but doesn’t get more than slightly irritated when I fail to live up to those expectations. God I love that woman. Doesn’t hurt that she’s a solid 9 too.
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Dana–
Love ya.
You know what I mean.
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Wow. I gave my wife that exact same massage without the grapeseed oil the other night. We had already had sex a few times that day, so I was practicing what seemed like a good LTR game idea. I massaged the whole back of her body, and made it a point to brush against the erogenous areas without comment or apology. Then I covered her with the blankets and kissed her goodnight. After a few minutes she said “You aren’t really going to go to sleep, are you!”. The great thing about the massage is it gives you a chance to subtly show her how much stronger than her you are at the same time. Wives forget this, and I think really like to be reminded of it. Don’t do anything to make her uncomfortable, but maybe firmly hold her with one hand on the shoulder/near the neck while pushing upward to rub her back, for example.
Another thing you can try is to give her a hug and cop a quick feel when you are on your way out the door. My wife loves this. If she complains, tell her “Hey, you knew I was a man when you married me!”.
Also, I wouldn’t turn down “courtesy sex”, and don’t feel embarrassed if you accept it. Think of it like all of the times you gave her a back rub, hug, or cuddle when you weren’t “in the mood” to do so. Actually, this can be strangely very sexy. Think Viggo Mortensen doing the hooker in Eastern Promises. Sometimes courtesy sex can be just the ticket to rev her back up as well.
Aside from basic LTR game, I think husbands and fathers have some other options they can sprinkle in. Find something manly to do which showcases your protector/provider role and go do it. Fix the car, tune up the kid’s bikes, put in a new fence, etc. Don’t let her give you a to do list, just pick your own projects. Get the gun out and go hunting or shoot at the range. Or go fishing, kayaking, etc. If I get out the gun or my life jacket, my wife drags me into bed before I can make it to the door. Cleaning the gun afterwards works great too, because there is no non suggestive way to scrub the bore…
Even taking the kids to do a routine errand is a chance to remind your wife (and kids) that you are a man. On the way back from the pediatrician with my 4 year old, I found a small patch of dirt we could go “off road” in my truck. She bragged about that to every kid on the block, and my wife had that glint in her eye when our daughter told her about it.
If you live in Canada or DC, etc, manly options like hunting or shooting might not be on the table. Maybe you could take the mini van in for a tune up. I’m not sure.
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Thanks for explaining why girls hate it when you tell them to smile!
Game question:
A 9 who isn’t smiling is hangin with a 7 who is (and who’d be a 6 without the smile). Will it help get either to complement the 7 on her cute/pretty/etc smile?
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[…] Courrier n ° 1 est de mkubuwa: Salut R., récemment tombé sur votre blog, dans l'œil de l'ouverture d'un mot …! Vous semblez être un sage dans ces questions, j'ai donc une question de fille qui n'est peut-être à votre allée de l'expertise … Récemment, j'ai vu une fille dans le train, un 9 solides si j'ai jamais vu. Le problème est que je suis [. . . ] URL article original: http://roissy.wordpress.com/2010/04/07/reader-mailbag-dont-tell-her-to-smile-edition/ […]
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You presume a frightening level of stupidity among women, and an equally frightening desire to SETTLE, despite claiming all these “skillz.”
WINNERS DO NOT HAVE TO PLAY RIGGED GAMES.
In the REAL world, you got bitchslapped by loser single mom. Real fucking man you are.
[editor: you believe everything you read on the internet? it’s amusing watching you and your ilk chase false leads.]
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