Reader Camron emailed:
I’ve dated lots of women and one common thread I’ve noticed is around the 1st or 2nd date, about 3/4 into the date, if you haven’t said anything for a minute the woman will ask “What are you thinking?”
Obviously I’m thinking about how awesome it would be to take her home and have sex with her, but my usually response is “Oh nothing,” and I changed the subject.
I usually end up sleeping with said woman, but I kinda feel like I’m slipping up at this moment. What should I say to that question? Should I tell her the truth? Should I move in closer at that moment and kiss her?
I get a lot of similar emails asking for advice along the lines of “What should I say when Girl says X?”, where X usually describes some innocuous question the girl asked or some kind of wholly typical shit test she’s tossing out. The answer I give is almost always the same: stop taking her so seriously.
If men could only learn and apply one rule of game it would be this: Don’t take her seriously. So much suffering of the heart could be avoided by following this one simple rule.
When a woman asks “What are you thinking?” your first, knee-jerk instinct should be to respond with something funny, silly, or evasive.
“What are you thinking?”
“If it’d be better to be reborn as a cat or a dog.”
Stop worrying about answering women’s questions directly. Playfully annoy them instead. Annoyance is great foreplay.
Better still, don’t answer with words at all. Let your kisses and gropes do the talking.
As for this reader’s specific scenario, the supersexed Don Juan strategy can work if the context is favorable. Have you gamed her to the point where she is throwing out lots of IOIs? Do her eyes sparkle with sex? Then, yes, lean into her ear and whisper that you’re thinking of ripping her clothes off so angrily that the buttons pop, and throwing her over the back of the sofa to fuck her like a wild animal in heat. But if you’re on the first date and kino has been mild, you may want to wait until you’ve at least kissed her before unleashing your inner crotch tyrant.
Truth is, most of the time the context will not allow you to run sex animal direct game. Save the raunch-talk for the bedroom if you’re in doubt about the suitability of the moment. Kissing a girl in response to an apparently banal question can be a good tactic if the mood is right.
There is a fine line of distinction between telling a girl your intentions and acting with intention. Sure, it’s a bold move to walk up to girls and, within five minutes of meeting, announce with great gusto that you want to fuck them, but that is the sort of boldness that’ll sooner get you shot than bring you battlefield victory. Your very low but time and energy efficient success rate will hardly compensate for the number of strikeouts you’ll have to endure. In contrast, *acting* with intention is very attractive to women. Your nonverbal communication (a big part of game) should be speaking what your tongue will hold. So while the reader might think that verbally expressing his honest desire is the winning move, more often than not it’s better to play a game of ambiguity and innuendo, and carry yourself with the swagger of a man who is thinking exactly what she thinks he’s thinking.
You gave a good response right at the end: “I’m thinking exactly what you think I’m thinking”. If she tries to take it further with “so what do I think you’re thinking?” reframe with “some things are better left unspoken” as you move closer.
[editor: nicely played.]
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Paleo approaches win over modern every time.
Old Beta: Chivalry leads to dryness, poor vulval engorgement, LJBF.
New Alpha: Aggressive kino implies vaj tingle, lubrication, leads to rutfest.
Old Beta: Prolonged conversation leads to concerns of male homosexuality, disinterest.
New Alpha: Surly grunts lead to implied virility, Bartholin’s gland sympathetic afferent stimulation, vaj-level 11 engorgement.
Strong, silent and virile always wins the day.
[editor: lol. paleo diet, paleo game, paleo love. and so we’ve come full circle.]
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Wow, a Saturday post. Bliss indeed. Well worth being patronized for. Sometimes women will put up with a little bit of patronization for the *ahem* greater goal. However, it would destroy all the fun if men actually knew this.
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I think “stop taking women so seriously” deserves its own post.
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My MOM asks me this question all the time if I’m out with her and fall silent for a few minutes. It’s one of the most annoying questions of all time. Like your reader, I used to say “nothing” a lot, but now I just tell her “boobs” or “naked ladies.” This unfailingly results in a stern mom-glare, but it does do the job of ending the interrogation. If she presses, I tell her that if I wanted to talk to her about what I’m thinking about, I would talk to her about it.
Of course, the way I play it with my mom has slightly different objectives than it would for a guy on a date. 😉
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“So while the reader might think that verbally expressing his honest desire is the winning move, more often than not it’s better to play a game of ambiguity and innuendo, and carry yourself with the swagger of a man who is thinking exactly what she thinks he’s thinking.”
Although there is truth in what you say, I still tilt towards the more upfront style for the following main reasons numerated in the book Modeone (shame on you if you haven’t read it!) :
a) it takes more balls to verbalize your intentions than to act on them…telling a women you want her to share your company and eventually exchange orgasms with her without stuttering or avoiding eye contact takes more gusto than just putting your hand on her thighs.
b) in the event that you get shot down, and you are right you will get shot down and criticized more often however there is a benefit to that because
i) some women derive their confidence by shooting men down or are frustrated that they cannot toy with your feelings since you are upfront,so you don’t want them anyways. Not every women is good for you no matter how hot she is.
ii) some women are actually intrigued and turned on by your boldness but they want to save face to not appear “easy” or “slutty” so they will criticize you, this is the moment of truth, if you back down and apologize for your desires and intentions then you are a wimp and dead meat. women are excellent at acting offended which is just a test of your manhood.
iii) in the event a women shoots you down and you DO NOT back down or apologize, there is a 1/5 chance (if not more) that this women at some moment in time will contact you again (days or months later) and then you will clearly have the upper hand.
iv) if you adopt an ambiguous approach that might work on naive women more or less but some women are so cunning (specially the hot ones) that they will play along and try to milk you by giving you fake IOIs to make you believe that your charm is working while it’s all a con.
Peace.
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“…unleashing your inner crotch tyrant”!
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Valmont does Alan Roger Currie still advocate this approach. Has it worked for you? What’s your score?
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omg when a chick asks me what i’m thinking i tell her “lzozlzozlozzlzozolzlzlzlzlzllzlzlzlzlzllz”
lzozlzl
and then i grope her and tell me roissy said to and she says who’s roissy so i whip out my ipad and hand it to her while i go play gears of war on the old xbox lzozlzlzlzlz
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If I’m on my game, I respond with something funny.
If I’m not on my game, half the time I respond with something funny and the rest with something completely unrelated to her. I’m lucky that my (ab)normal thoughts are usually along the lines of “I wonder what the waiter would look like in drag”. And even when I’m not thinking of something funny, I’m probably not thinking of her.
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@polymath very nice
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This one works for me:
“Oh . . . dolphins, rainbows, lollipops.”
Say it with a straight face, casually. Pretend you are George Clooney. It’s a great way to evade the question and make her laugh at the same time.
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I think a good point is everyone should stop taking everyone seriously. The world would be a lot more exciting and adventurous. I don’t really see this as patronizing, I see it as keeping the convo light. inmho
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Scenario:…
Yes, it also happens when you’re sitting at the bar or standing in a crowded club, conversation starts to wane, you’re vibing….
I’ve heard this and in some cases especially when lubed on wine
Her: “What are you thinking?
Me: [THIS] leans in for passionate kiss…
Her:[Head turn] Oh…..! [Blush….awkward silence]
Me: [FILL IN BLANK…THIS IS ONE I DON”T HAVE A GREAT COMEBACK FOR]
But I’m thinking stay cool…I’ve usually smiled and then changed the subject to say “What was your question again?” That broke the tension.
But any better ideas?
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“If it’d be better to be reborn as a cat or a dog.”
Really you want to be a pussy?
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[…] Roissy: Heady Pettiness and Patronizing Women Turns Them On […]
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Even though the answer to how should handle this one is obvious, I have to admit this is one of those questions that will never fail to be asked. Thinking ahead of time about this specific question will benefit you.
I like both Roissy’s and Polymath’s responses. Anon’s would be fun to try too.
Anyone ever try pre-empting the girl by asking her first?
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Okay, so my gf was out of town and I went to a party stag. I start gaming all the girls because why the fuck not? It’s more fun if you really don’t want sex from them anyway. I run the game from one to the other, getting ioi’s from the hottest of the hot. Oh yeah, baby, just raise your kids right, they will test you but stand your ground. Say what you mean and stick by it, the kids will respect you. All the time she’s respecting me, because I’m talking the shit.
Anyway, this dude shows up late and somehow the convo gets on to talking about marriage, and he mentions he’s been married 12 years and thinks it’s going ok. I said, oh, is that your wife? Because I was hitting on her earlier and she didn’t go for it, so I think you’re good to go. Everyone in earshot laughed their asses off, and all the girls wanted to fuck me for the rest of the night. God this shit works well.
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not sure what this has to do with patronizing. i agree with not taking them so seriously, but it seems to me it is all about balance and once you’ve established you don’t take them too seriously, it seems to help by surprising them that you take them a little bit seriously.
every smart woman has something about them that it’s important for them for you to “get”. it isn’t about putting them on a pedestal. you want to knock over the pedestal, but if you can focus in on that one thing that is important to them to be taken seriously about it is like the keys to the kingdom. a woman doesn’t like it if they think they are merely classified on the generically hot scale of 1-10. so knock over the hot t&a pedestal, then rebuild them in that unique image that only you have access to. do that and other men will have a much harder time tapping them, because they won’t easily figure out the particular identity you have built for your lady, which they will not readily part from.
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I think ahappinessexperiment makes a very good point here.
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31 years of frustration with women
cost: thousands of dollars
Discovering the Roissy website
!@#% priceless
this is one of your best posts ever.
you really distill the essence of how to act
inner game baby
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Parallel to the ‘not taking women seriously’ bit, I do put in a bit of Eastern philosophy every time I screw my American girlfriend. And wonder of wonders, even stuff that I think is corny, goes down like honey, and I get a lubed pussy, and two hours of doggy-style pure fucking to boot. Plus, she thinks I’m a cross between a monk and a hitman. :p
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All women want a guy that she can have fun with
Guys who dont hang out with women often enough found them scary , intimidating , bitchy or find the need to know the safest path to seduce girls
Its not monitoring an atomic bomb ffs , girs are fun
They are silly ,interesting , amazing ,exciting ,sexual , adorable ….
I dont think its really important what you say to the girl
As a matter of fact a part of my pick up routine is : tell her that she is cute , tell her that i like her , tell her that i want to fuck her and tell her that im taking her home for the night
Most girl would just giggle when you ask them right off the bat for sex , and hold the tension in the air .I found the responses are either they will let their guard down , giggle , losen up and follow you all night , or they would giggle and politely refuse your offer
* also to make crazy animal sex opener works you have to be super dominant , physically strong ,leading , and in a happy positive mood , sound pretty much like definition of a real man because it is . Nerds dont try this
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I nominate the husband of this woman for the next round of Beta Of The Month:
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/TheLaw/runaway-ohio-mom-tiffany-tehan-charges/story?id=10456321
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Thought for the day:
Women are like nuclear reactors. They are prone to meltdowns, runaways, and spontaneous detonation…
… unless a control rod is inserted at the proper intervals.
Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week.
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That makes sense – it fits in with the “bratty little sister” idea.
Here’s a question though: what if, after all the banter and flirting has settled down a bit, she starts talking about her “problems”? The deeper issues in her life; for example, various family issues.
Given that she’s emotionally healthy, what’s the best way to deal with that? Blow her off? Change the topic? Tell her you’re not good at that kind of thing? Or actually listen?
Being a psychiatrist for a girl is tingle-destroying, for sure.
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I’ll take a stab at this. Most of women’s self initiated talk therapy is just girl talk. It’s a way of communicating that girls do. Most men – at least older men – hear it as “blah blah blah me me, and the she said, and so I said, and I can’t believe she said, blah blah, and don’t you agree, and you do, don’t you?”
I suppose it should be kind to consider deeper family issues in a different category. Something that talk therapy can help with.
Usually, not, no.
Talk isn’t that important. There isn’t really anything to discuss. Unless it’s for fun. Does she need to re-arrange her mental maps such that she can approach the world in a more effective way? Does she need to reprogram her thought processes to allow herself to be happier? If so, don’t count on being helpful – people are sadly inflexible, and if an adult needs therapy, they well be broken, rather than warped.
The trick is to choose a girlfriend who is usually cheerful. It may be impossible to avoid a woman with moods, but most can be so dominated that they stop throwing moods at you. If you are intolerant of moods and she wants to be with you, for the woman capable of restraint, you can conquer that last bastion of female style of household dominance.
If the girl is basically cheerful, and happy, forget about talk therapy. The therapy is laughing and smiling and joking around and enjoying yourself and loving and fucking hard and going out on the town and thrilling each other and being quiet and shutting the fuck up.
That’s therapy.
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Oh – so as to what you actually do? Do whatever you are actually inclined to. If you are inclined to lose patience, then simply lose it. Just say you’re done talking for now.
There is far less need to be “sensitive” than most men know. If she doesn’t know that you love her already, that’s her problem. You don’t have to tip toe around each and everyone of her feelings to constantly prove it. If you would rather not spend an hour poring over her emotional narratives, just get your point across in whatever way you selfishly want. In a humorous way, an oblique way, a blunt way, it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that you take charge and lead the direction of the discussion, and if she persists and insists on talking when you’ve finished talking, then be more forceful. Even to the point of saying “stop talking”, if need be.
In fact your woman should be very used to you saying “stop talking”, and you should have conditioned her to not take any offence at it. And to actually stop talking.
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Oh, and as to useful therapy, I’ve found that my most influential mentors taught me the most non-verbally. It’s not what they said, it’s how they said it. Their style. Their panache. Mental training is learned not just be reading, contemplating, and meditating, it’s learned by mimicking.
If your woman admires you, and you are able to control the mood of your household, she’ll eventually take on that mood, and your household itself will be therapeutic.
You set the tone, you set the frame. You are the master of moods of aromas and music and you control the TV remote.
The verbal talk therapy is interspersed into that with anectodes, and very rarely do you ever talk about “her issues”, if at all.
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A lot of women use the “we need to talk out some issues” theme as emotional blackmail to drain the man’s time and attention and to subtly get hand in the relationship. She is controlling his attention, rather than letting his attention be self directed.
Beware.
DON’T be kind about this.
This is a shit test. This is only a test. This test is brought to you by the emergency shit testing system. Had this been a real test, she would be telling you she has her own ideas or has taken on another advisor. Her asking for input into how to babysit and micromanage her mind is a test of your “shut the fuck up” system.
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Seriously, a lot of women deliberately want to wear you down emotionally, so that your step loses it’s spring. You are constantly thinking about relationship “issues”.
This makes you unattractive, and she knows it.
It’s a game of dominance she is playing over you.
Now you know how to regain your hand.
Pinch her lips. Escalate up to WHATEVER you have to do to shut her up, even if it is physically carrying her out the door and locking it on her. Leaving YOUR house is not the way. She leaves YOUR house.
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And it doesn’t matter if you are cohabitating. You still kick her out of YOUR place.
Never cohabitate if the woman is paying any portion of the rent.
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As soon as the woman thinks she has rights to your house, you are doomed. Doomed I say. Dooooooooooomed.
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i managed to soak down drunkenness and stave off commenting during the burgeoning race-thread yesterday.
i am really just commenting now to break xsplat’s chain, for his sake. it’s sort of a voluntary ‘social proof’.
… even though he likes 10 year old thai boys.
oh!! just kidding xsplat; your comments are usually probably pretty readable.
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This video is worth watching the beginning of anyway. Also the end does include a male family law lawyer who indicates that custody STILL isn’t a slam dunk for the husband here.
Nonetheless this beta is out of his mind to not divorce his wife who abandoned their one month old girl to him to runaway to Florida w/man that she fell for, leaving intentionally misleading clues that she’d been abducted. Which occasioned a large police manhunt for her.
If he files now his custody chances are far larger, which is far preferable. His runaway wife will get advised by any decent divorce lawyer who’s not entirely 100% self interested (cause she might turn to some other lawyer later) to wait a good while before filing for divorce, if she wants to keep getting supported by her husband through child support (which includes a majority of alimony for one kid). Anyone who thinks she isn’t going to go for divorce down the road if he doesn’t file is beyond deluded. Just his beta acceptance of her with open arms, while she might “respect it” now since he’s likely getting praise for lots of those that know them and her parents, will turn into disrespect as it settles.
Even if he does want to try making things work rather than raising a baby himself and looking for another girl who wants into that, he’s still better off filing for divorce to assert himself and throw cold water on her. With the message that yes she IS going to have to work and pay child support=alimony to him. (Though that’s way hard and the state tends to not be at all the same about collecting it from women. Not even remotely close to the same.)
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EVERYBODY DRAW MOHAMMED DAY!
Come on all you defenders of Western Civ vs. the Muslim hordes…get your light-pens out…. Here’s my cartoon!
(If it doesn’t make it through, just see my blog entry: My Cartoon for “Everybody Draw Mohammed Day”
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BTW You can get a nice little comment-sized version of my Mohammed cartoon with this link:
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That’s some good stuff xsplat, especially this bit:
“The therapy is laughing and smiling and joking around and enjoying yourself and loving and fucking hard and going out on the town and thrilling each other and being quiet and shutting the fuck up.
That’s therapy.”
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“crotch tyrant”
More genius.
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“As soon as the woman thinks she has rights to your house, you are doomed. Doomed I say. Dooooooooooomed.”
Truer words have not been spoken.
And this goes not only for the house, but for all opportunities she sees for financial claims.
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Ostro Nova, why should we be motivated to defend western civ? Western Civ is what’s opressing us. Haven’t you been paying attention to anything that is said on this blog? Look at the last sentence of Doug1’s comment just above yours.
The greatest enemies of western men are… westen women… and the idiot white-knighting chumps who defend feminism… in other words, western civ.
While you’re wasting your time attacking Islam, western men continue to be crushed and oppressed by the corrupt, rotting pack of lies that is euphemistically referred to as “Western Civilization”.
The hell with western civ. May it become extinct.
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[…] Chateau: Patronizing Women Turns Them On, The Ultimate Shit Test, Double Bagger […]
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lol, my father does this all the time. I crack up when my mother asks him where did he go and he tells her that he went to the brothel or some stupid place that makes it obvious that he mocks her.
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LBK, I agree. When Western civilization will get dismantled, I will have a glass of champagne. Maybe we will abort all the stupid ideas and return to its roots and rebuild from a sound foundation.
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” So while the reader might think that verbally expressing his honest desire is the winning move, more often than not it’s better to play a game of ambiguity and innuendo, and carry yourself with the swagger of a man who is thinking exactly what she thinks he’s thinking.”
I have to disagree on the advice above big time, why? because this is what gets guys accused of date rape, when he invites a women over to watch cosby show reruns and then starts to put his moves on her. the women can play “dumb” and accuse him of trying to date rape her. ever heard of mike tyson?
another issue is, who told you that the women is not manipulative herself and playing into his game? she could toy with the man by letting him think he is getting somewhere. a girl I slept with once admitted to me how she loved to tease men and lead them on by hugging them, touching them, even sometimes kissing them thus giving them the impression that something sexual is gonna happen, only to dismiss the guy at the last minute when she got what she wanted (be it attention or free drinks or whatever)
I would rather be rejected promptly than waste my time trying to “seduce” her or “win” her over by being extra cautious with my words…that’s too try-hard. it’s my way or the highway. rarely do women change their mind in the long run, usually they know within the first conversation that if they want to shag you or not (in case we are talking of casual sex). at the end of the day, if all you want is results, then why not just go to a prostitute?
Why does any man need to lie to women … mislead women … emotionally manipulate women … bullshit women … and/or attempt to get a woman inebriated … in order to get them in bed?
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