Reader Mailbag: Flakes, Snakes and Alpha Male Tales

Email #1:

I am currently seeing a girl who I like to invite over to my place to have some fun.

She often follows through, but at the last minute she flakes or attempts to make changes to my plans. Recently, she’s done this 3 days in a row.

I don’t get angry, but I don’t budge when she asks me, for example, to go out of my way to meet her downtown to hang out with her and her gay friend at the last fucking minute.

I told her that I couldn’t make it, and that I needed two weeks’ notice before we changed any plans from here on out.

At this point, I’m going to be super lazy at responding to her texts.

What do I do to straighten this thing out?

Ed

What we know: Girls flake when your alpha gravity pull is weak. She’s keeping her options open. Think of flaking as a whoreschach test of your mettle — the more you acquiesce to her flakiness, or seem to tolerate it, the more beta you appear. She’s flaked on you three days in a row? This means you attempted to set something up repeatedly in the teeth of three straight disses of your masculinity. Rat-a-tat, alpha down flat! Remember, your time is always worth more than her time. Why behave as if just the opposite is the working premise?

As for not meeting her downtown with her BGBF, well, that’s the minimum threshold of expected spine-stiffened behavior. Don’t pat yourself on the back too hard.

Here’s what I recommend: Stop trying to make plans with her. That should be step number one. It sounds like she’s still texting you out of the blue, so that means she wants to keep you active in her pool of prospects. How does it feel being a third stringer to a disrespectful ego-inflated bitch? Not very alpha, eh? Good. Now take that feeling and turn it into beneficial asshole game. Don’t respond to her texts for a week. When you do respond, keep it short and serrated:

“Hey blabby girl, gotta go. talk later.”

Of course you won’t be talking later. Wait another week. Ignore any of her texts in the interim. After that (if she’s still texting), text her back with this (ignoring whatever was the substance of her text):

“Drinks at 8 at X. Be there by yourself. yr buying 1st round.”

If she balks, don’t reply. Think of this as the textual equivalent of a backturn. Write her off, or, if you’re a particularly cheeky sort of fellow, fuck around with her everytime she texts in the future:

“Still texting? Come over. I got a new couch I want to fuck you on”

“You’re annoying”

“Stop wasting my text plan”

“gay”

“titty fucking. love it or hate it?”

***

Email #2:

I’ve been seeing this girl for a year. We live together and I’ve still got hand. Her during sex two weeks ago: “If you hit me this time use your left hand, the left side of my face hurts from last time.” I’m still flirting with other girls near her, etc.

Two days ago she tells me that a guy that used to be really mean to her when they worked together emailed her out of the blue (apparently they never hooked up) . He said when they worked together three years ago he actually liked her. She wanted to know what she should write back. My antenna tingled. I played it cool and insinuated he was a weirdo but she still wrote him back a short message.

She didn’t say anything else about it. Last night we were at a bar and she was blowing up with texts. I checked her phone and it was the guy. He isn’t very slick, but since she seems to be eating it up, I’m concerned. He is already hinting he’ll come visit her this summer (we’re going to be in separate cities). I’d like to squash this, any suggestions for my next move?

Other facts: This guy is 2,000 miles away now so they haven’t done anything yet. She is leaving in a week and will be gone for the summer. Right now, she doesn’t know that I know this guy been texting her.

ST

Sounds like you’ve got an ingenue on your hands. This type of girl will coordinate the attentions of multiple men in order to ensure she gets access to the maximum amount of resources. Think Carla Bruni. (Until recently, that is. Poor Carla has hit the wall badly, so she will no longer be playing her game of roll out the cock carpet.) When a girl starts waxing soap operatically to you about some random dude out of the blue, it means one of two things — she’s coaxing a jealous reaction out of you so you’ll give her more attention and love, or she’s musing about cheating and/or leaving you and her inner thoughts are tumbling out of her like a burp from a colicky baby.

First, this was a moment when you shouldn’t have played it cool. A bit of the ol’ ultrabadass would have done more good. No girl I’m dating for a year is going to get my permission, either directly or indirectly, to email an interloping male admirer. The way to answer your girlfriend’s head games is with the dread of loss:

“Hey, great idea, you email your hard-up stalker, and I’ll email my ex-girlfriend. Sound like a plan?”

She’ll get the idea.

Unfortunately, she emailed him, and the result was an extended textplay. (If you remind yourself that wordplay to women is like a handjob to men, you’ll be a little less tolerant of your girlfriend’s phone blowing up with texts from another man.) What were you expecting? Girls live for this sort of multi-headed male attention. Your operating assumption from this point forward should be that she will cheat with him if they ever get together. And that she is completely untrustworthy. You may want to run the Door Pattern on her before she leaves on her trip. I wouldn’t confront her about the texts, as this will only make you appear a jealous low-value lover. I’d just insinuate that the upcoming time apart would mean a lot of exhilarating freedom for the two of you, and that any funny stuff that you find out about means you are out the door for good.

~~~

ST emailed me a followup a few days later, after I had already written my reply to his first email above:

Well R, it looks like this is definitely over. She sent him an eight paragraph email. I had four words, “I’m kinda
seeing someone.” Then there was an entire paragraph about meeting up after she leaves for the summer. She’s been extra careful about her phone and now never leaves it around. But strangely she is acting sweeter toward me than ever. I’ve never had so much PDA and baked goods, what’s up with that?

It hasn’t happened yet, but it’s like seeing a wrecking ball arc toward a building: there is time before it happens, but it will definitely happen.

In any case, any ideas for a good way to break this off with a bang?

Me: “Your operating assumption from this point forward should be that she will cheat with him if they ever get together. And that she is completely untrustworthy.”

Called it. Am I good or what?

I’m not surprised that she is piling on the PDA and feminine sweetness now that her gig is about to blow up. I wrote about this phenomenon in this post about a girl whose best fuck I had with her occurred the day before we broke up.

The afternoon before the breakup we had the best sex ever.  She orgasmed freely.  There is something about breakup sex that brings out the animal in women.  Perhaps it is the only time they can completely sever their emotions from sex and just let their vaginas take over with a man they trust.  Or maybe it’s a last hurrah.  I felt used for my body.

I’ll add that guilt can drive a woman to feminine accommodation of the man she has cheated on, or is thinking of cheating on. Particularly if she has had second thoughts and decided that you are a higher value male than the long distance lover. Anyhow, the way I would initiate breakup sequence is with maximum pain and humiliation inflicted. By that I mean, get caught fucking another girl. When your beloved lashes out in fury and anguish, calmly reply:

“I thought you were OK with this. After all, this chick isn’t the only whore I’m fucking.”

***

Email #3:

Hey…..I’ve been a long time reader of yours and wanted to ask a quick q. – I apologize if you have addressed this issue already…I just couldn’t locate the relevant post. Anyhoo here goes:

When a girl you are flirting with mentions/boasts about previous erotic encounters with alphas  e.g “And then I met this total hottie in Paris who blew my mind” or “This reminds me of that argentinean tango dancer I had a fling with once”, how is one supposed to respond? Should it be completely ignored or should one maybe try to counterattack by casually mentioning real or even fictitious encounters with hot girls?

Thanks for your time

D

Classic beta bait. Subconsciously, this is one ploy that a girl will use to take the measure of your manhood. If you show any indignation, hurt, or jealousy, you fail. If you attempt to counterattack with your own hot lover tale, you risk looking try-hard. The way to handle these “alpha male ex machina” (AMEM) shit tests is either through humor or disregard.

“And then I met this total hottie in Paris who blew my mind…”

“You slept with a gay man? Damn, must’ve been a helluva dry spell.”

—

“This reminds me of that Argentinean tango dancer I had a fling with once…”

“Wow, I’ve gotta poop.”

—

“This reminds me of that Argentinean tango dancer I had a fling with once…”

“Use em and lose em, that’s my motto too!”

—

You could parry the AMEM with an AFEM of your own, as long as you do it right. For example:

“This reminds me of that Argentinean tango dancer I had a fling with once…”

“Hey, if we’re gonna trade sex stories from our past, I’ve got a really good one for you. So there was this cute girl and her mom, and a camera hidden in the closet behind a peephole…”