Lara, presumably a girl, wrote the subject heading in the comments to yesterday’s post.
Lara may be a troll, or she may be a girl lying about what she sexually responds to in order to score retarded internet debate points, but her blurt has a kernel of truth. Dating advice columnists, a most loathsome breed, and marriage counselors are fond of telling the lovelorn how important it is for a man and woman to share interests and hobbies if they want to make a relationship work for the long haul. This meme has, in fact, become so imbibed by the general popluation that you cannot date a girl, or listen to a girl talk about what she wants in a man, without hearing her say that “he has to share my values“, or “he has to like the same things I like.”
A conversation I had with Zeets the Throwback Barbarian comes to mind.
ME: Your parents have been together a long time. Do they go shopping at arts and crafts boutiques like other mature couples do?
ZEETS: Hell no. My Dad plays poker twice a week to get out of the house, and my Mom hangs out with her friends on the weekends.
ME: They’re not attached at the hip then?
ZEETS: Not even close. They need to get out of each other’s hair. They have different interests. They both like to swim in the pool, though.
ME: But you can really see the love they have for each other.
ZEETS: Exactly.
This “shared values and interests” chestnut is a load of horseshit. Lara is hitting upon something important in her throwaway quip. Men and women who like the same things and do a lot of activities together risk instilling the contempt of familiarity in each other. This is particularly the case for women, who must abide their genetic programming to find overly accessible men undesireable.
Women may squawk a big squawk about wanting men who share their interests, but in reality they most admire and love those men who have their own interests, and who pursue those interests without regard to the women’s participation. Women, in short, love to be spectators to men’s passions. They love to be dragged into a man’s world.
As with all things gender related, women want to look up to a man. They do not want an equal or a play time buddy. Feminists who claim otherwise are lying, not only to you and me, but, more importantly, to themselves.
shared interests advice is garbage. personally, i outgrew playtime buddies when i was six.
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“Similar hobbies” must be the 2nd most traditional, bullshit piece of advice, second only to “Be yourself” when it comes to signaling a total lack of knowing wtf one is talking about.
If she doesn’t share your hobbies, she can bake cookies while you share those hobbies with your buddies instead. Then make it up to her by sharing the hobby of doggystyle with her.
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Fuck yeah, my comment generated that comment!
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well, maybe if the shared interests are p90x and threesomes with hot bitches.
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Lara said explicitly on many occasions, she desires from the core of her soul, ATM and a creampie finish from the Great Firepower.
meh. Let her submit a photo to Female Photo Submissions first.
Emphasis on the “submissions.”
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I asked my paternal grandparents, separately, on their 50th wedding anniversary, how they managed to stay together and happy for so long. Both responded light heartedly, it was because my grandfather was rarely home.
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Why is it “more important” that feminists may be lying to themselves than that they are lying to the rest of us?
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In my experience shared values are important, if not critical–it’s how you see life, and life’s purpose, i.e. the good life, and how it’s lived. But shared interests, blech.
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Funny how the feminists still simply don’t get it. At all.
Still can’t believe most American men put up with this shit.
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Oh, as my parents say–married for better or worse, but not for lunch…
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“Shared hobbies” can certainly be a disaster. There’s nothing worse than the freind who brings his clueless fucking girlfriend to the poker game, gun range, out fishing, or whatever else…It’s fine in some cases but when it turns a pre-planned men’s activity into “everybody pay attention to ____’s girlfriend” time, it fucking sucks.
I could care less what a potential girlfriend thinks about my hobbies as long as she’s supportive of what I do.
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A shared hobby will almost always be something that either the man or the woman is more interested in than the other. If the primary interested party is the woman, then the man will just be an apprentice, and she’ll tend to mentally reduce his status because he’s not as good at whatever as she is. If the primary interested party is the man, then she may wind up admiring his expertise..but more likely, she’ll decide it’s just a stupid hobby anyhow.
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another shared hobby, “having the girl show up at things I like to do and looking hot.” Like taking your girl to sporting events, provided she’s dolled up in a tight jersey. That’s a good common interest.
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On the money. Any couple you see golfing, or hiking, or play racquetball, or gardening, or scuba diving, or, or, or…are in DEEP trouble…
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I can’t imagine boning a woman who had the looks to pursue my similar hobbies of cigars, Bourbon, shooting, excessive verbal cruelty and boning women.
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Roissy, just close your goddamn blog. If people don’t get it by now they never will.
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In SWPL circles, especially in the rarefied air of the hyper-fit Western US REI-obsessed SWPL genre, not having the same interests will disqualify all betas and most lesser Alphas. It’s a cultural repeat of the old pattern of a man & woman being of different faiths and thus incompatible, only now the ‘faith’ is rock climbing or some special brand of yoga named for an Indian guy with his own harem.
But, as always, the ‘gina tingle trumps all–the SWPL chicks who are married to their yoga mat will drop trou for an alpha with attitude, who demonstrates his higher value by not even acknowledging the apparent ‘lack of compatible interests.’
I know of a cigar-smoking, cursing, bourbon-drinking blasphemous libertarian surfer who wifed up a very hot SWPL yoga instructor, and would neg her hobby by wearing a “Fuck Yoga” T-shirt for months on end. They eventually divorced, but not before she hit the wall. I think he’s got a new young-hot-tight who digs his alpha insouciance…whereas the ex-wife…cats.
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Wanting to fuck each other is the spark people are mentioning. Feeling happy in the presence of one another.
Morals and shared beliefs on how things ought to be done are important when you have kids and you realize playtime is over because you’re now responsible for a new human.
But people are giant retards so they fuck it up completely and go 1 way or the other to the extreme. “I don’t love you let’s divorce and fuck our kids”.
As we’ve all hopefully learned by now after reading half a fucking article on this blog and others, unless the woman is a bona fide psycho intent on destroying everything in her path regardless of what others in her life are doing, the success of your marriage falls upon you as a man. She has the law on her side and will gut you before, after, or as she’s she raping you in court with a meathook for failing to remind her she can continue living in unicorn land where her actions are without consequence.
Happiness is a person acting in accordance with his or her natural inclinations, free of the sick perverse influence civilized life has on the mind. Act like a goddamn man. The infinite ironies of life will reveal themselves when you’re too busy to notice.
Fucking hobby bullshit..I hate that shit.
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oh please. There is a big difference between some shared hobbies and all shared hobbies. It is perfectly plausible that taking a couple nights apart from each other also engages in shared hobbies or, as it is often known, likes to do certain activities together.
I don’t know one long term couple who does not like to do certain things together. I do not mean “woman make me food and then bend over” either. Music, or tennis doubles, or thriller movies. This attitude
is ridiculous.
A man who was only interested in the woman’s hobbies is wrong though.
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@askjoe
…funny shit.
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This “shared values and interests” chestnut is a load of horseshit.
Vastly overstating the case again. There is a happy medium. Too similar and you get bored. Too different and you become alienated. But the research seems pretty clear that similarity is more important over the long haul. What women are really saying is, “I want someone like me, but not too like me.”
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al,
What is it about the word “risk” that you don’t understand?
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I’m with the happy medium crowd on this one.
I’m sure from a woman’s point of view, the ideal husband is one who is out of the house making money or hanging out with other men 95% of his waking hours. Of course, she just wants a roommate to pay her bills, allow her to live consequence-free, and not bother her with demands for sex, so this arrangement would be great with her.
Fuck that. At the very least she needs to be looking hot acting as your cheerleader for some of your hobbies. Too much time apart means she is fucking someone else and you are still paying her bills.
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At least in my experience, married men tend to stay until later at work. Single guys like me are desperate to leave.
A wise man who works here, btw, told the new intern in the front of everyone: “men who stay until late at work get cheated”.
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You’re missing something. There are two ways to have “shared hobbies.”
1) Girl takes up an activity the guy’s already doing so she can get face time and attention. This is GOOD and should be rewarded with sex AFTER THE ACTIVITY IS DONE. Don’t skip your golf or Dungeons & Dragons game because she’s demanding attention. And for God’s sake be realistic about her performance — the better sort of woman can tell if you’re lying to be “nice” and the dumber sort will think they’re actually doing well.
2) Guy takes up an activity the girl likes. This earns him everyone’s amused contempt, plus he’s doing something he probably hates. No upside at all.
So to sum up, if she’s sharing your hobbies, that’s fine. If you’re sharing her hobbies, it’s not.
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If the woman you’re talking to about the book you both like and she isn’t getting wet then there is no fucking spark and your shared interest(s) are irrelevant.
This is especially true if the book contained sexy parts that got her wet while reading them but do have no effect on her as she discusses said parts with you!
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The New Yorker piece out this week shockingly addresses some of Roissy’s theories through the lens of neuroscience and even references an evolutionary psychologist. Of course, it softens what Roissy would otherwise hammer into the public psyche and it does address the theories in a very implicit manner but regardless the time is near; science and evo biology will start to change the discourse on gender dynamics.
It’s David Brooks so there are some conservative flourishes and he does try to frame this new research as giving more meaning to life (through vastly different terms) but overall the piece does smash a lot of equalist shibboleths and reinforces the thesis that men and women have different reproductive goals. I know this is all old-hat to us but the fact that this is in the most SWPL publication on the planet shows that the ground is moving underneath us.
SWPL’s at the end of the day will have to bow down to their overlord: science. They will squirm, bleat and run around in circles but they will have to capitulate to the naked and unvarnished reality before their very eyes.
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2011/01/17/110117fa_fact_brooks
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@(r)Evolutionary
I went to a yoga class… once.. I then proceed to silent fart and fall asleep snoring. She gave up the common hobby thing real fast…I wonder why.
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unrelated:
http://www.news.com.au/national/japanese-tourist-in-northern-territory-claims-man-told-her-you-must-have-sex-with-me-or-die/story-e6frfkvr-1225975255423#ixzz18xFYPriT
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Sharing hobbies leads to limp-dicked doormats holding a woman’s purse while she shops for “comfortable” clothes at the local Wal-Mart.
My rule regarding shopping – I don’t. I buy shit when I need it and the female goes shopping alone or with her gal pals.
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After all the reading about game and practicing it, I’ve realised that most of what women say they want is what they actually want. They just want it from an alpha.
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Good shared hobbies:
1) Dining.
2) Movies.
3) Traveling.
4) Uh, I’m struggling here…
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You constrict your options if you look for similar hobbies, especially if they’re as focused and/or eccentric as mine. The small proportion of girls range from fugly rejects to hotties with issues and want to feel like an object of desire.
The more similar the hobbies are (or more relevantly, the more sharing of them), the less personal space each person has to let their ego breathe and rant to their BFFs.
My parents were both into vaguely similar music, both middle-class and educated but they’re massively different people in essence. LTR-wise I think it’s a combination of opposites attracting and having the right similarities, think sharing similar basic values rather than similar interests. But then again, love is not rational or easy to articulate.
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“Women may squawk a big squawk about wanting men who share their interests, but in reality they most admire and love those men who have their own interests, and who pursue those interests without regard to the women’s participation. Women, in short, love to be spectators to men’s passions. They love to be dragged into a man’s world.
As with all things gender related, women want to look up to a man. They do not want an equal or a play time buddy. Feminists who claim otherwise are lying, not only to you and me, but, more importantly, to themselves.”
Well, well, well observed old bean. Incidentally, women have no anti-dote to the potion of a man who are figuratively willing to kick their ass.
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Roissy…solid post. Counter-intuitive as all get out, but truth at every corner.
@(r)evolutionary
“I know of a cigar-smoking, cursing, bourbon-drinking blasphemous libertarian surfer who wifed up a very hot SWPL yoga instructor…”
I think that might have been me…but I do do yoga 🙂 I wanna party with that guy.
Looking at my last LTR, she and I pretty much did like to do the same shit and that one quickly went in the dumps. Our relationship was about as fun as a colostomy bag.
The chick I’m kinda seeing now – different story. I have no idea what her hobbies are, really. I know she does yoga – that’s about it. I mostly go do my own shit – hiking, clubbing, yoga, music production, drinking, cigars, playing Monopoly & Scrabble – on my own time, alone or with my own friends. Our relationship couldn’t be more fun and enjoyable.
She needs to know you’ve got a life outside of her. A few pretty bad-ass chicks I know have told me, point blank, some proper little chestnuts:
– “We don’t necessarily want you to cheat, but we like to know you have options and could.” (‘necessarily’ is curious for me 🙂
– “Despite our demands, we don’t REALLY want to know what you’re up to at all times or have entry to every part of your life.”
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As a single guy I do what I like. If my interests overlap with this or that girlfriend’s interests then so much the better, we can do them together and have shaaaaaaring time (and I do already like a few traditionally feminine activities such as cooking and certain kinds of shopping). But I won’t do stuff that I wouldn’t be willing to do on my own. That’s one of the reasons that I’ve chosen to remain single so far: so I can ignore the pressures to put up with that shit.
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Its funny how so many of those old sayings:
“Absense makes the heart grow fonder”
“Familiarity breeds contempt”
“People want what they cant have”
………turn out to be true. The old wisdom, borne out by thousands of years of human experience shouldn’t have been so cavaliery discarded in the 20th century.
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What makes marriages work is basic shit like food, sex and money.
Oh the horrors of not being able to discuss the Love Boat era with an age appropriate woman of my culture…
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Renting a small bachelor apartment (preferably anywhere but America), being a PUA, getting a vasectomy, and refusing to ever marry seems like the only way to go for the aware man.
Who wants to be pressured to stay away from their own home most of the time just so the bitch doesn’t tire of their presence?!
doom for society. thanks feminists.
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@Begby
That’s pretty much the plan, man
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yeah, chicks who claim to like sports can piss off. the only thing worse than a girl who claims to like sports is a girl who actually does.
in the media and on TV you get the impression that guys just want to date a girl who likes sports. this is lunacy and seems wildly out of line with what men truly want in a relationship.
even if she does know the difference between the new york giants and the new york yankees, i don’t need her hovering around while i’m trying to watch the game – pretending like she’s interested in the competition. sports chicks are the worst; the only upside is they usually like anal.
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Mrs. Tomassi and I still share the one common interest we’ve always had; fucking the shit out of each other.
After that it’s just hit or miss, and we’d both say we’re fine with that. 14+ years of Alpha marriage has taught me that compatibility is NOT predicated on mutual interests. Now someone go tell Dr. Phil.
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@Trimegistus
Excellent distinction. Got the best head after I took her out golfing w/me…in the car on the way home. She begs me to take her there again.
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Thanks for spotlighting my comment. I wrote it quickly, but the more I thought about it I realized I really meant it. I remember my mom once criticizing women of my generation for always wanting to do the same activities as men. She said women of her generation knew to leave them alone more and keep a little mystery in the relationship.
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Familiarity breeds contempt.
Or didn’t we always know this?
It’s intuitive.
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the problem is there is no reciprocation from women. the vast majority of women I’ve known or known of, cultivate no real hobbies outside the house unless they involve angling for dick in a sneaky way.
it would be great if both parties had differing hobbies that took them away from home at different times, but the reality is the same as everything else: men have to do 100% of the work so that women get the benefit, i.e. lurking around the house in sweatpants getting fat while her man is out putting in effort to make himself interesting and skillful.
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Shared values, yes (especially about things like commitment, monogamy, personal responisbility, etc.) but shared interests, hell no. That’s the fast track to being “boring” and dumpable for an “interesting” dude with a dig dick.
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“After all the reading about game and practicing it, I’ve realised that most of what women say they want is what they actually want. They just want it from an alpha.”
Wrong. If an alpha went according to everything a woman says she wants, he would lo longer be an alpha. Women say they want a “nice” guy, a guy who emotes and tells her all his feelings, a guy who will compromise 50/50 on everything, a guy who shares “common hobbies”; as we all know these are lies and are part of the rationalization hamster.
“being a PUA, getting a vasectomy, and refusing to ever marry seems like the only way to go for the aware man.”
Wrong on being a PUA if you want to maximize happiness.
Also, modern science decrees that happiness comes from long standing social connections with others, simply being a “PUA” will not cut it.
Read this post by Roosh, a good friend of Roissy that was just written a few days ago.
http://www.rooshv.com/a-notch-is-just-a-notch
Getting a vasectomy seems like a very stupid way to limit your freedom should you ever decide to change your mind.
Getting married to an American chick I definitely agree with is probably one of the dumbest things a man can do in this climate and with the quality quotient of American chicks.
However, one could still marry outside of the country as long as one is willing to stay there. Statistics show that even if an American guy marries a foreign chick and lives with her in the USA the rates for divorce are the same or even worse.
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Best comment so far is
“I pursue the hobbies I like and then she can join me in our hobby of doggystyle.”
LOL
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Zeets is God.
More Zeets please.
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This is just another example of the mainstream view confusing cause and effect. If you’re in love, you’ll find common interests. When a girl was really into me, she had a great time when my car broke down and we had to walk home in the rain, and I liked going to flea markets with her. When you’re not in love, the last thing you want to do is share your favorite times with that person. Now she’s ruining game-day.
It doesn’t mean you can’t have common interests. It just means those don’t create attraction, and even the most loving spouses need some alone-time once they get past the crush stage.
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Rationalization Hamster exposed for the rotten bastard he is on video (girls, pay heed):
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The problem there may be that the kinds of hobbies women used to get together and do with women friends have been so thoroughly ostracized by feminists. Extension groups where they share recipes and housekeeping skills, sewing circles, taking the kids to the park, altar societies…. these things had to be pushed aside and painted as unworthy to make room for daycare and careers. What’s left?
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Getting a vasectomy seems like a very stupid way to limit your freedom should you ever decide to change your mind.
you can have your sperm stored in a sperm bank before getting a vasectomy. this way, you can’t possibly knock a girl up or be accused of false paternity, but you’ll still have the option to have children in the future.
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Depends a bit on the hobby. If it includes the need to take a few weeks of vacation per year like big mountain skiing or surfing it would be nice to be able to share that with a girlfriend. The odds for that happening are not very good though.
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Familiarity breeds contempt. You need to have some commonalities, but a bored woman is a woman who will find a new lover.
I know a woman who said about the husband that she divorced, on her initiative, “He was just so boring.” And he always did everything he could to please her, to no avail.
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Raliv,
I wish you did not mark your blog private.
I enjoyed your posts, and I no longer have access.
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Chuck-
Quote of the evening.
Men should be repulsed by women who hoot and holler at football in the same way women are repulsed by a man who likes to crochet’s baby blankets in his spare time.
The biggest mangina I know claims that he wants a chick who is into playing video games and working on cars. He’s never had a girlfriend so I wonder how he figured out what he wants in a woman? Could it be the fact that he’s 26 years old and still lives with his single mother and grandma?
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The one exception is dancing.
But this works because there are other girls there and the whole “preselection” thing works. Girls get to see you with other girls. That helps keep the edge.
The downside is that other beta orbiters may hover around the girl you’re gaming.
The upside, you don’t go together but you leave together.
Also, it’s physical and requires close physical contact.
But you need to be dancing and banging a girl already in that social circle already. Don’t try bringing a girl to a salsa party who doesn’t already dance—that is a disaster. You end up baby-sitting.
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If this is the same Lara who showed up on The Spearhead a few months ago spewing some inanities, i must admit that she seems to be getting focussed, albeit for a woman, this means barely able to make a relavant, coherent argument that doesn’t result in an avalanche of vitriol unleashed her way.
Yeah, I tried yoga with my last GF and ended up staring at all the other sexy women in their sexy yoga pants (I was the only guy in the class of 12). So i did enjoy it. If it was reversed and she was the only chick in a class of a bunch of guys, I’d tell her to take a pass.
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The drummer in a band I was in when I was younger thought it would be a good idea to buy his hot girlfriend a bass so they could “jam” and spend more time together, since he was always with us 4 nights a week. After a few months in the garage she got “okay” and decided to start her own band with some other hot chicks. They were terrible, but they were hot and dressed slutty – imagine a bad punk rock version of the bangles, but unlike the bangles they were all equally as hot as susanna hoffs (drummers GF kinda looked like her). Like an idiot he tried to help them out by starting to book shows with the “new hot chic band” opening up for us. We had a pretty good local draw, but after a few gigs the new hot chic band started to get more and more attention (duh) from the bookers because they could pack the joint….big surprise. Next thing you know hot chic band are headlining weekends and getting the calls to open for the bigger touring acts and he eventually becomes the over protective BF/roadie loading her ampeg 8×10 bass cab at each show and making sure no one tries to fuck her. Of course over time she dumps his sorry ass because of her new found rockstardom and his diminished higher value even though he was pretty much the reason she got there. Common hobbies=bad idea.
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Take her to the gun range. Especially if she is scared of guns. Tip was probably from this site and so far the working score is 3 out of 3.
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First off, let me say that I agree with this post. Shared activities mean nothing when attraction has already been made and cultivated in different terms. Having said that, I must play a bit of devil’s advocate here. A wealth of evidence in social psychology supports the idea that people with similar values, activities, and even looks tend to form relationships more often with those that don’t. Hell, they even have names: the matching principle and similarity effect. A quick google search of either of these illustrates what I mean.
The way I see it, these aspects are simply the most obvious when two people first interact. Thus explaining the research that generally consists of short, superficial interactions.
But like I said I agree with this post. I only argue that there is a basis for these ideas that doesn’t involve feminists or pop culture.
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Chuck, Goodluck Chuck, Roark –
Since I have been beta-ing around the planet through 3 wives and the intervals between, there has been an enormous change in the very nature of the female sex, which has nothing to do with feminism: women, sports fandom and female athleticism.
As recently as when I was in high school and college in the mid-60s-late 70s – there was NO SUCH THING AS A WOMAN WHO HAD THE LEAST INTEREST IN TEAM SPORTS, as a spectator or a participant.
There was virtually no woman, except for a few freaks, who kept herself fit in contemporary terms – no running, no gym-going.
Women’s bodies were different – softer (though thinner – funny, isn’t it?). Women’s heads were different. One of the best things about women, besides their hotness, was that you could rely on the fact that they weren’t sports bores. Chuck is the only man who has ever commented on this fact, in my reading of the Talmud that is Roissy. And yet – what a huge and sudden change – after all, feminism has been progressing in fits and starts for a century and a half, while – the jogging, gym-going bitch (not the soccer mom who hits the gym in search of a few more years of attractiveness to the likes of me – god bless them for it) and the sincere, knowledgeable female football or basketball fan are completely new forms of life on earth.
When I was ploughing through the match.com collection of suburban soccer moms 10 years ago, I noticed that when I moved my attention from the NYC area to Chicago, for example, the percentage of divorced women in their 30s (which of course included tons of women in their early 40s, the liars), approached 100%. This means THEY THOUGHT THAT THIS QUALITY WAS ATTRACTIVE. And whose fault is that?
My question really is – how do you gen-x guys stand them? What do you make of them? Isn’t the fact that they are popular with so many men a disgrace, if not actually a disproof of God’s existence?
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Alot of people I know met each other through a common hobby. It is theoretically possible I could meet some girls from my hobbies (this having a common hobby).
Some also meet girls being in the same major. Surely sharing some is acceptable and fun.
I think a bigger problem is when she is better than him at the same hobby or interest.
Is having a common hobby/interest that bad?
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Which is worse: a girl who likes sports, or a girl who thinks homosexual men are cool? I’ve known a few of the latter, and while they do tend to put out, they’re also very messed up about male/female roles.
It’s just common sense that people with shared interests are more likely to form relationships, because they’re more likely to meet. If you’re spending all your time in bowling alleys, you’re probably going to date chicks who bowl. Duh. That’s not the same thing as saying the shared interest is what attracts you to each other or makes the relationship work.
Again, no one’s saying shared interests are bad per se; just that they aren’t the path to a woman’s heart the way the sappy movies told us. A girl isn’t going to tingle because she finds out you like scrapbooking as much as she does. But if she tingles for your personality, you don’t have to pretend to hate the hobbies she likes either. Like what you like, and let her participate if she’s interested and cool about it, and let her do her own thing the rest of the time.
Any healthy married couple is going to have plenty of shared interests by definition: the kids, the house, the finances, the bedroom, family functions, etc. It’s not like if they don’t share any hobbies, they’ll never do anything together.
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Mingus- that’s a pretty crazy story, if you’re serious. I have a hard time imagining any hot chick making good rock music.
This post made me think about music, too.
Ive long thought it’s retarded that guys and girls kind of want to like the same kind of music.
SOME music, sure. But I think our pussified society has taken all the masculinity out of music, so its good to listen to some stuff the chicks won’t like.
After all, men used to sing on ships, in the military, working in the fields/railroad/whatever. Kind of sounded like James Hetfield.
Also, if anyone has a problem with my R/C helicopter, they can F*ck off.
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rock shows are primarily about spectacle. i’ms sure mingus example doesn’t involve a band that had girls with musical chops, moreso that people like to see hot slutty chicks on stage who are marginally ok.
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good shared hobbies:
1) drug abuse
2) fucking while on drugs
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@Julian,
Exactly….people showed up to party and get laid, it wasnt really about the music per se, but more so about “the spectacle” like you mention. They could pack the club and the bar would make $ because of this. I remember one night the BF drummer/merch guy/roadie/driver told me they sold out of t shirts but they did not sell one CD, not one! Kinda says something……..
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@Shifty5
After I wrote that post I was trying to think of ONE all hot chick band making good rock music in the band context-meaning all hot chicks, not just a hot lead vocalist and the rest dudes (thats easy) OR a hot bassist and a hot vocalist and the rest are 7 or below….you get the picture. I know “good” is subjective, but I cant even think of one “okay” ALL chick ROCK band. Anyone?!
Also, I often times prefer femininity in my music. I dont need James Heitfield screaming at me all the time, ESPECIALLY after the And Justice For All album. I’m cool with Sade.
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“I pursue the hobbies I like and then she can join me in our hobby of doggystyle.”
I’d agree to that!
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People’s values are not unchangeable and neither are interests, which is another point to add to the “this is indeed horse shit” category. People have religious conversions, get bored with a hobby, find new interests that they didn’t have before they married….. Normal people do change over the course of a life time so you can’t really expect to be married to the exact same person 30 years down the line.
There has to be an underlying bond that goes beyond things you can make a list out of. Someone else described it somewhere (I think it might have been a comment at Dalrock’s blog) as an almost feral bond, and I think that’s a good word for it.
It comes down to being able to respect each other’s differences. You don’t have to like the things they like – you might even disapprove of some of it or find it totally ludicrous – but if you love the person, it doesn’t seem to matter. Just good top know what your deal breakers are, although a lot of people have way fewer of those than they think too.
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Julian
I agree with you, however denial is a big part of human experience. I have had some embarassing and extreme and even life threatening moments of denial myself.
There are a few on this blog who will explain to you with a straight face that science=politics.
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The best marriage I ever saw was one where the husband worked a traditional office job and the wife was a nurse that did the swing or the graveyard shift. They would see each other in passing on the weeknights and would have only one or two weekends together a month. Both enjoyed their individual hobbies when not together, which was more than less. Both were damn happy too.
So if you are thinking about marriage also think about switching professionals to one with a non-traditional schedule or marrying someone that has one.
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@ Mingus
“After I wrote that post I was trying to think of ONE all hot chick band making good rock music in the band context-meaning all hot chicks, not just a hot lead vocalist and the rest dudes (thats easy) OR a hot bassist and a hot vocalist and the rest are 7 or below….you get the picture. I know “good” is subjective, but I cant even think of one “okay” ALL chick ROCK band. Anyone?!”
Here you go Minwad, an all hot girl Swedish rock band.
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This is why you never say “oh me too!!!!!” when taking about interests. Like a suckass, you’re never gonna get laid thinking you share common interests.
“Oh you like rock music?? ME TOOOO!”
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If a guy follows a hot girl into her hobby-zone it is only happening because his hind brain tells his dick that they have a chance to get lucky. I realize that young guys simply cannot help themselves. As in “It might be a long shot and I hate Ball Room Dancing, – but look at her tits!!!.” It probably will not work out but ya cannot not try it at the time. The form of game called, ‘Ignore a hot chick and hang out with other friends” will probably work a lot better but you will always be somewhat older when you finally learn this.
The ganes that women can play successfully is strictly limited, by universal Law, to a correllation with how they look naked in the morning and without make-up.
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Yes, but it’s still a conflicting desire. Because getting what she wants from a man would lower his testosterone and he would become domesticated.
A woman wants to have eaten a cake and still have the cake.
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64
Figuratively?
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Good point, learning from hindsight, “oh, me tooooos” if never successful. I think game would have you go, “please, what do you know about [sports, music, food, cooking, etc.]”
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What men often don’t realise is that many women have an empty bottomless pit of need and want that is their soul and no man , despite his better efforts can ever fill.
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@Mingus
Blue Violets? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5AdPkzPFHtQ
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And what a breathe of springtime mountain air is a young cheerful girl. I love the little chipmunk squeeky laughs of a highly feminine young voice. It’s a thrill that is sexual.
A cheerful girl in the house does more for the ambiance than excellent decor.
Insert bragging about the girl in my room here.
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[…] “Having common hobbies kills the spark for me.” « Citizen Renegade. […]
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Good thread.
I think the bottom line is to share a few activities together (with Alpha leadership, of course), and then be sure to enjoy particular hobbies separately.
Married guys, whatever you do, DON’T give up your guy friends.
You must be Alpha and put your foot down. Your marriage will suffer tremendously if you don’t. (meaning YOU will suffer tremendously.)
I remain utterly amazed at the number of men in this friggin’ country who are afraid of their own shadow.
Pitiful.
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The problem with the shared interests meme, or the myth of “compatibility” is that 99% of the time it’s the plugged in beta chump making the effort to identify with his target female by creating a mutual interest.
It’s a very rare albino unicorn of a woman (or a desperate fatty) who makes even a token effort to expose herself to an interest of a boyfriend or a guy she wants to connect with. 9 times out of 10 it’s the AFC who takes a sudden interest in modern art in order to “have something in common” with a girl he wants to fuck.
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There needs to be a balance.
You ought to have some time for your own non-shared interests.
You ought to have some shared interest(s) other than screwing.
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related:
http://jalopnik.com/5733319/how-an-old-jeep-sparked-a-viral-manifesto-on-relationships
regarding the rant: broken, bitter beta or true alpha?
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It seems the advice grandmothers give are true: keep the mystery. This culture is in a sorry state of affairs if bloggers are needed to spread what was once common wisdom.
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Examples of hobbies
Beta: Watching sports on TV
Alpha: Playing sports
Beta: Local golf tourney with the buddies
Alpha: Golf with the vice presidents
Beta: Photography of your children
Alpha: Safari photography/social documentary photography (Hard Alpha: with your own wet own dark room/bonus points for medium format)
Beta: Nascar (Exception: driving NASCAR)
Alpha: F1
Hard Alpha: Driving F1
Beta: Model planes
Alpha: Flying planes
Hard Omega: Flying remote controlled model planes
Beta: Myspace/Facebook
Alpha: No social networking. That’s your wife’s job.
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I will play mixed doubles tennis with my wife and another couple e3rvy so often.
But mainly because I have been trying to hit my buddy’s annoying wife with the ball for over two years now. I just try to make it none to obvious when I do occasionally peg here, but I think my wife is onto me.
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non self-aware omega: making self-congratulatory lists on anonymous comment forums
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@schfifty five
Yo, easy on the brother, homey.
Save the put-downs for the women.
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Firepower : Emphasis on the “submissions.”Yeah, and if she can tie herself up, that’s a +1.
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Good shared hobbies:
1) Dining.
2) Movies.
3) Traveling.
4) Uh, I’m struggling here
Traveling is good only if involves sex. Three months backpacking in Southeast Asia fucking the same girl all the way is cool. For older people (i.e, wifes who aged below 5), tripos should be short, with lots of shopping time for the woman, or be longer but with frequent moves from city to city
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The damn Rationalization Hamster’s cousin on his mother’s side:
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TOTAL disregard for appropriate movie reference.
I call foul
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“”And what a breathe of springtime mountain air is a young cheerful girl. I love the little chipmunk squeeky laughs of a highly feminine young voice. It’s a thrill that is sexual.
A cheerful girl in the house does more for the ambiance than excellent decor.
Insert bragging about the girl in my room here. “”
LOL …. All in good time my friend … all in good time.
Unless you’re lucky.
p.s. I did say “many” , not “All”
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Such infallible logic…
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Yesterday my parents celebrated their 44th anniversary.
Married at the ages of 18 (mom) and 19 (dad)
Both had huge responsibilities at a young age, have active social lives these days and have completely different interest.
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I said in front of the other yogis with amazement, ” God, did you see the girl dressed so scantily?!!!! ( with my eye wide). How is she supposed to bend over….hahahha!!” he joined in the conversation and said, “Oh…..you mean the one with the breasts!!?? hahahehehe!!” I looked at him with a smirk and didn’t say anything. hmmmmmm…..heheheh!! He’s too cute!!
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Firepower: “TOTAL disregard for appropriate movie reference. I call foul.”
Okay, so I’m disrespecting Monty Python and the Holy Grail by associating it with something so cheap and shallow as the Rationalization Hamster… you know of any footage showing showing rodentage just as bastardly (though preferably given less credit)?
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“Shared interests” with your girl is emasculating. If you’re in a long term relationship you should have one shared interest -kids (YOUR kids) and that’s the only one you need.
And as far as shared values, all you need is how to raise the kids and how you handle money. And maybe religion too, because I hear that’s really important to some people, but I wouldn’t know myself.
Claiming “My wife is my best friend” probably means you suffer from latent homosexuality and if she likes typically male interests, she’s probably giving it to you with a strap-on as well.
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Bottom line. A woman’s agenda is in direct conflict with the special ingredients it takes to keep long term attraction alive. For example, seeing each other less would keep that all important sexual chemistry alive longer, but it’s a bad strategy for trying to get you locked down and committed. The funny part is, intuitively, women know this and don’t seem to care. Loss of attraction is just the cost of doing business. And you can’t logically explain this to her before it happens, she is not going to listen. It will still be your fault when it happens though. It’s always a Blue Valentine for guys who take attraction for granted. Best, – 60 Years of Challenge
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[…] b. don’t share your hobbies. […]
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[…] b. don’t share your hobbies. […]
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“score retarded internet debate points”
Yep.
Arguing on the interwebs is like running in the special Olympics. If ya win you’re still retarded.
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[…] b. don’t share your hobbies. […]
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