Coffeehouse Logistics

May 16, 2011 by CH

I’ve found that the best logistics for a coffeehouse pickup are seated in a chair at a right angle to a couch.

If your local SWPL coffeehouse is like most, it has a main seating area filled with cushy chairs, musty couches and coffee tables. Whether you see a girl already sitting who you want to meet, or you arrive early and want to stake out an advantageous spot for talking to girls, the optimal seating arrangement is the same. You want to sit in a comfortable high back chair (high backs bespeak regality) that is situated at a 90 degree angle adjacent to a couch (preferably free of any men sitting on it).

The reason for this is approachability. Although you will be tempted to sit on an empty couch in hopes that a girl will sit right next to you, you shouldn’t do that. Girls are uncomfortable about sitting on couches next to a strange man, even if they find you attractive enough to throw caution to the wind. Girls do not like prematurely forced intimacy, and sitting on an old sofa inches from a man they don’t know qualifies in their view as a forced intimacy scenario.

*Caveat: If a girl is *really* attracted to your looks, *and* she’s with a friend, she will sit next to you on a couch. In this situation, her friend provides an anchor of plausible deniability should she discover that you have no game.

Your best bet is to sit in a chair adjacent to a couch, where the three inch detached furniture buffer zone provides enough of a comfort zone for girls to sit in your personal space (i.e. your gaming space) without the awkwardness of side-by-side sofa sitting.

Posted in Game | 94 Comments

94 Responses

on May 16, 2011 at 1:15 pm J-style

Blogging from Tryst again, eh?

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on May 16, 2011 at 1:19 pm greatbooksformen GBFM

lozozlzlzlzllzlzlz

here’s sshowwo to pick up chickcs in starbuckcks skzozlzllzlzozol

say, “may i buy you adrickckcn drink?”

she’ll go “no thanks.”

you say, “that rocks a non-gold digger ein this town zozlzlzlzllz, lotsa cockas 4 u!”

she’ll get up and leave and might tell the management too but like wayne gretsky said “I missed every shot i never took.” zlozlzlzl

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on May 16, 2011 at 1:24 pm Anton

Coffeehouse is a great place to just walk right up to a girl and start talking. Shields are usually down….

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on May 16, 2011 at 1:28 pm greatbooksformen GBFM

then, of ocurse when you see her out next in da club she will liek look at your wierd, but with theatat little glint hin her eye as owmoenz are naturally attracted to the alpha crzy spawn seed zlzozozollo

so you can walak up to her and say

“lzozolzlzl i swas just kiddididindng in the coffe shop lzozozlzoozzozozoo let me buy u a drink onwowow now.:P”

she’ll prtetetrnd to thinks about it all night and theen go “uh ok.” lzozzzllzoozlz

and so you buy her aa dirnk she earned it and grind on her all night aall hard and crazy form ebeiendhdnin like shelikes and at 2 am her fatfirends wil come and trty to take her home but she will pretened to igonre tham and take you home where you can go down on her lift up the short skirt you already flet her tiny paties in da clubd and you can take her home zlozlz and ehehshe super hot and weta nd in and out and in and out and in and out

and this wiis hwhy

i love coffeee shops because they
bring the community
togetheer lzozlz

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on May 16, 2011 at 1:32 pm Anonymous

What about buses and subways?

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on May 16, 2011 at 1:36 pm greatbooksformen GBFM

lzozlzlzl buses are easy all you gotta do is say, “i bet you weren’t exeting 2 meet an alpha on public transpspoirtation! lzozzl well today’s your lucy day the bathroom on this bus is small i think but mayebee later we can hang zlozlzllz.”

subways are even easier when you order a sandwhjcih say “double meat,” and then go “no wait–make that triple meat,” and msmile and nond at tehe hot chcick netx ytot oy ou zlzollzlzlzll

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on May 16, 2011 at 1:38 pm Lovekraft

Plus you can sit with legs open for her to survey your package as she approaches the couch.

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on May 16, 2011 at 1:39 pm Shawn

I have found that people should day creep coffee houses only if they are going there because they want coffee. Each girl usually stays in her spot for maybe 20-30 minutes or more, so if you blow out you still have to sit by her, versus some other venue where you can walk around more easily because you aren’t reading something or looking busy with work.

When I day creep I go to the local college campus where I am not a member of and in all likelihood will never see the most of the people I encounter there. I just walk around, up and down the outside of the building and outside nearby shops. 20,000 students go to this public school and the women are all in the nubile age bracket. There are always tons of girls & I usually after a few warm-up “hi’s” I do some real approaching, and probably average 10 real approaches over 3 hours of walking around.

Here is what I say: Excuse me, but I just wanted to mention, that’s a cool (jacket, hat, sweater, or whatever stands out), but it’s a little weird (the push). Then I transition into whatever, talk for 10 minutes or so and then get touchy-feeling always try to instadate. If I have to get the number, I text nearly right away with witty banter; because she does not know you very well you have to stay fresh in her mind; I text about every day until up to the first date, always kinoing strong. Eventually script is flipped and I contact less.

Note: In approaching I have found that I do best when I notice her actually walking behind me, and then I slow my pace until she is at my side at which time I open. This is contrary to conventional wisdom which says it is best for a man to approach a woman by walking up to her on the side.

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on May 16, 2011 at 1:41 pm greatbooksformen GBFM

SOME GBFM T-SHIRTS!!!

1. lozlzlllzozlz
2. zlozlzlzlzlzozlzl
3. My girlfriend got butthexed by a neoocncocn and all i got was this lousy t-shirt zlozlzl.
4. A woman’s loyalty in marriage is inverseoy prorptarional to the number of times she’s been butthexed.
5. lzoozlzzozl omg lzozlzllzlzl
6. free your mind form the BUTTHEX matrix lzozlllzoozo
7. IMF BUTTHEX — puttng the wolrd in debt one butthole at a time zlzolzlz
8. (for girls) Bernankified chicka by lotsa dickas zlzozlzl.
9. Lotsa cockas for teh aldies! lzozlozozl
10. CH taught me eveyrtrhieng my father who teh dfed removed form my home never could lzozlzzl
11. Liberated girlfriend women are silly, if they weren’t int work force we oculdn’t hook up with them on busuiness trips. OMG lotsa MBA cockas gooing spslsosooss9geE!
12. Would you drink out of a coke bottle that had a cock in it? So why ya kissin’ your wife on da mouth? lzozzlzlz

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on May 16, 2011 at 1:44 pm Firepower

Lovekraft

Plus you can sit with legs open for her to survey your package as she approaches the couch.

That’s some funny, wacky, nutty stuff!

You’ll get more yuks
when you rinse the urine stains out of your crotchtals.

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on May 16, 2011 at 1:45 pm Anonymous

lozlozlzozlolozolzozlzol LOTSAMEATSA

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on May 16, 2011 at 1:49 pm Willy Wonka

@Shawn – that sounds like pretty solid college campus game there. That’s very similar to what I do on a college campuses. Interesting that you say slowing down for a girl walking behind you works best – I’m not sure I’ve ever done that approach. I tend to just walk directly in front of them and get them to stop – kill their momentum!

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on May 16, 2011 at 2:09 pm A

Man who sits alone at coffee shop, mad status on a high chair yeah right. Roissy come back

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on May 16, 2011 at 2:26 pm Jonathan Manor

guessing that u don’t have a table in front of u, what do u while sitting 90 degrees from a couch. do u sip ur drink or read a book?

it’s kinda weird if there’s open tables too

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on May 16, 2011 at 2:33 pm Dat_Truth_Hurts

Nothing says pimp like a grande latte fagcicle.

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on May 16, 2011 at 2:35 pm 19is2old

bait the flytrap. astride the best couch location in the place.

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on May 16, 2011 at 3:08 pm Simon

Who cares about SWPL at coffee houses? You gotta be swpl to be there in the first place. The rest of us are out doing grown man stuff.

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on May 16, 2011 at 3:35 pm greatbooksformen GBFM

“Your best bet is to sit in a chair adjacent to a couch, where the three inch detached furniture buffer zone provides enough of a comfort zone for girls to sit in your personal space (i.e. your gaming space) without the awkwardness of side-by-side sofa sitting.”

zlozozlzlz

somes of us nned five feet buffer zones if ya know what i’m talkng abouton case the hotie hottie flashes me some toiuchsnh lzozozlzl iand my cocokas lotsa lotsa cokcas goes boing boing boing boing!!!! likea spring stickin outta a matterss up in the attci no lzozozlz ing!!!

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on May 16, 2011 at 3:39 pm greatbooksformen GBFM

when neoocn womenz fially rule the world,

butthex will always, always

always always

always

be spellled correcktly!! LZozlzlz

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on May 16, 2011 at 3:49 pm greatbooksformen GBFM

t-shirt #13: Neocons bankrupt my country and butthexed my wife, and they call me arezay for tlaking about it lzozlzlzlz

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on May 16, 2011 at 3:51 pm tjuan

90-degrees adjacent, does that mean you’re facing the couch or parallel to? In ‘my’ coffee shop there are two coveted large comfy chairs, I used to take one hoping a chick would grab the other, only old manatees would sit across from me. I changed to sitting at the table ~3ft away, looking towards, but slightly behind one of the chairs (only one could see me)… wait a bit and two-sets *always* sit there.. from there, I open with a “it looks like you…” cocky/funny statement, depending on what their doing.. so, post confirmed.

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on May 16, 2011 at 3:54 pm YA

Bad scenes of Game from Youtube:

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on May 16, 2011 at 3:55 pm oldnet

“………..but then ladies were really ladies ”

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/8512684/Gunther-Sachs-playboys-of-the-world-RIP.html

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on May 16, 2011 at 3:57 pm Professor Woland

Being a professional salesman, I am quite aware of not only how to project power but how to read it when it comes to seating arrangements. Rule #1 is always sit in the “gunfighter” position. You want to be able to see everybody in the room at once and never show your back to someone. That is the ultimate Omega position. When I walk into someone’s office one of the first things I look at is their desk chairs. The more autocratic someone is the smaller the opposing chair. One small chair facing directly towards the prospect is the ultimate beta position. If there are two chairs it means that the prospect is a little more relaxed and if the chairs are tilted inwards then they are even more relaxed. The best situation is if you are at a round table where the chairs are all equal size. This is why many high end sales offices or executive suites have a separate seating area. If I am in an office where the seating is less than optimal, I change it! I ask if there is a better place to sit. If the answer is no, I clear a space on the desk for my laptop (now he is on the wrong side. I wait until the prospect is seated, and if he has not offered me water I ask for it. Most of all, what I always do is move the chair. If it is pointing right at the prospect, I very deliberately move it slightly off to the side, tilt it at an angle and cross my leg. Although this slightly pisses off the prospect it quickly establishes that I am not a subordinate even though I’m on his turf.

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on May 16, 2011 at 4:02 pm greatbooksformen GBFM

t-shirt #14 lzolzlzl

HER: Are we just friends with benefits?
GBFM: Nooo–come here silly kitty–we’re just benefits. lzozlzllz

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on May 16, 2011 at 4:06 pm Tinderbox

Question: Should I bring my own ruler and protractor to measure the “detached furniture buffer zone” or can I borrow them from the barista?

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on May 16, 2011 at 4:18 pm greatbooksformen GBFM

t-shirt #15 lzozozlz

If you are an American male, chances are someone will be butthexing your future wife tonight, until she has had so much btthex so hard so fast that she hates men. She will get her revenge by butthexing you in divorce court. Hence the neocon butthex aged zlozlzllz

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on May 16, 2011 at 4:18 pm greatbooksformen GBFM

^^^ butthex AGENDA i menat to say sorry aobout teh msispsleleing! it’s hard to type on my ipheoen

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on May 16, 2011 at 4:22 pm greatbooksformen GBFM

t-shirt#18: the new world order will be a butthextopia where the one butthexer shall rule them all! lzolzllzl

t-shirt#19: if you’re the head of the imf you might want to buy your butthex with bernanke dollarz instead of trying to get it for free form hotel maids zlzolzzzol

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/may/16/dominique-strauss-khan-tristane-banon

butthexual crimes ar enot a lozozlzzing matter!

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on May 16, 2011 at 4:25 pm Dat_Truth_Hurts

@ Professor Woland

Good stuff. Reading social cues is just the first step at figuring out a situation in one sweeping glance, and to be prepared to act quickly to take advantage.

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on May 16, 2011 at 4:28 pm Bortimus

The beauty of the coffee shop pickup is that if you panic you can always just throw your drink at the girl and run away. Of course I only get iced coffee, so I suppose if you prefer hot drinks you could get in trouble by hurting someone…

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on May 16, 2011 at 4:29 pm Schmoe

Get to it!
http://www.theonion.com/articles/spring-is-a-great-time-for-sex,20038/

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on May 16, 2011 at 4:30 pm greatbooksformen GBFM

the butthexing of teh marshemellows! lzozlzlzl

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on May 16, 2011 at 4:33 pm Science

http://reason.com/blog/2011/05/16/carlos-santana-passing-laws-ag

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on May 16, 2011 at 4:36 pm Schmoe

I heard a story of a guy who went to Wal-Mart headquarters to pitch his product. They just had lawn chairs in their executive offices:
http://www.federalobserver.com/archive.php?aid=10574

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on May 16, 2011 at 4:50 pm Gino

>> day creep

I think you might help your game by finding a different way to internalize it than “day creep.” Maybe that’s a positive phrasing to you (in which case, it’s perfect)… but otherwise… girls need great men. Nothing “creeping”/creepy about it. I don’t like that frame. Heroes don’t creep.

>> COFFEE GAME:

I like the idea of the chess board… always get a the central position. True of the bus, the club, the bar, the coffee place. Get into the flow of the action.

If there is a group table, sit there, in the middle. Folks come and go, and you’re central to all of them.

If there are some empty tables, and a very cute girl is sitting in the middle of those seats… sit next to her. No one does this, and you’re off to a good start by confidently claiming that position. I do this all the time, don’t act needy, and get opened all the time.

If there are several empty spots, and a girl sits near you… that is not a coincidence. Assume she wants to talk to you… this happens to me often as well. Proximity applies.

Classic opener is asking her to watch your stuff while you go to the bathroom, or outside for a call. When you come back… dive in.

If you’re a lap-topper, slowly pack or unpack your laptop in big, slow, gestures… while looking around. Own the room. During packing or unpacking, girls around you can be opened easily. I usually take off my headphones, start to collect the cords, lean back, and then say… “So…” without looking at her, then start my open her and expect her to be watching me. Pretty consistent.

Direct game in coffee houses is fun. Walk over, take a seat, and open. “I was trying to get some work done but I give up… you are distracting me. And really fucking up my productivity.” Bad ass.

: ]

CHeers.

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on May 16, 2011 at 5:20 pm Bortimus

Ooh, and it’s a great place to neg:

“Man, that triple mocha faggacino must have like 300g of sugar in it, no wonder you’re so fat!”

Then you poke her in the stomach and do the Pillsbury Doughboy laugh. It’s all about subtlety.

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on May 16, 2011 at 5:34 pm Tim

You’ll want to be seen drinking Tazo China Green Tips Brewed Tea. It’s a light and lingering green tea with a fine, fresh flavor. It also won’t hurt to be seen reading Sons and Lovers by DH Lawrence or The French Lieutenant’s Woman by John Fowles.

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on May 16, 2011 at 6:44 pm Firepower

Timmay

You’ll want to be seen drinking Tazo China Green Tips Brewed Tea. It’s a light and lingering green tea with a fine, fresh flavor. It also won’t hurt to be seen reading Sons and Lovers by DH Lawrence or The French Lieutenant’s Woman by John Fowles.

Just when I think I’m about to lose inspiration…you come along and give me fresh ammunition.

You, are truly, truly amazing.
muah!

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on May 16, 2011 at 7:10 pm My Name Is Jim

I agree with this, and besides, lots of times it’s two couches on either side of you forming a U, with a coffee table in the middle, and you get the effect of sitting at the head of the table, which done confidently is definitely alpha. Funny I was just thinking about this the other day.

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on May 16, 2011 at 7:43 pm Anonymous

you know what would be a killer roissy post broken up into 2-3 parts ? a break down on street game with scenarios, lines and pick up tips. the summer is on its way and everyone knows club game is a plummeting stock.

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on May 16, 2011 at 7:46 pm Gorbachev

Shit.

This is exactly how I picked up my GF.

Zazing.

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on May 16, 2011 at 9:12 pm namae nanka

“Then you poke her in the stomach and do the Pillsbury Doughboy laugh.”

“It’s all about subtlety.”

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on May 16, 2011 at 9:29 pm Anonymous

Roissy this article needs your attention.

http://conversations.blackvoices.com/entertainment/99435682aaea4564b24369ed6fc90973/sistas-they-still-s%20…/5241bb8866a545a7aafefe26b6268e01?sn=3

http://feministing.com/2011/05/16/racist-psychology-today-article-claims-black-women-are-objectively-less-attractive-than-other-women/

Pop journal publishes article that says black women are objectively less attractive, people rage and cry

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on May 17, 2011 at 2:49 am The Chrome Microphone

wtf is going on in this comments section.

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on May 17, 2011 at 3:18 am Hankk

Lately, Roissy is implementing the golden ratio of one animated post for every three pedestrian guest posts. Well played.

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on May 17, 2011 at 4:24 am Ron

@greatbooksformen GBFM

You are a beautiful human being

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on May 17, 2011 at 5:15 am n/a

and so you buy her aa dirnk she earned it and grind on her all night aall hard and crazy form ebeiendhdnin like shelikes and at 2 am her fatfirends wil come and trty to take her home but she will pretened to igonre tham and take you home where you can go down on her lift up the short skirt you already flet her tiny paties in da clubd and you can take her home zlozlz and ehehshe super hot and weta nd in and out and in and out and in and out

**********

tiny panties nice call gbfm

mattress spring *in the attic* another gem

you’re on today

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on May 17, 2011 at 7:41 am Anonymous

Regarding Arnold Schwarzenegger having that kid secretly with his maid ten years ago and just telling his wife about it now: So what? What did she expect? Anglo society has got to come to grips with life as it is. If Maria Shriver is really so upset, it’s because anglo culture set her up with delusions.

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on May 17, 2011 at 9:04 am Default User

Not good coffeehouse logistics:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1387880/Shoppers-shock-man-proposes-mall-food-court–REJECTED.html

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on May 17, 2011 at 10:35 am incubus the tickler

Remember your audience. I once picked up a young med student (she was reading a textbook on neurobiology) by 1) casually mentioning one of about 5 things I know about neurobiology & 2) moving on to discuss health care policy, zoology, and something I either read about in the new yorker or heard on npr.
Very SWPL, but also highly nerdy. With an arts chick, I would probably discuss Braque, Matisse, or Matthew Barney; a jocky looking chick will absolutely adore either the Yankees or the Red Sox, generally.
A fashion plate might open up with a (very) brief discussion of finance or (yech) sales methods; in general, women’s clothes, manner, and reading material will give you some extremely useful openers.

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on May 17, 2011 at 10:59 am Dat_Truth_Hurts

@incubus the tickler

I prefer to just point at my dick.

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on May 17, 2011 at 11:04 am Ashley

Hey Roissy,

This article backs up what you have been saying about a certain group of women a year ago. The two things that you said that make black women so damn ugly is the weight and testosterone(more masculine features). Science is now backing you up.

http://www.mediaite.com/online/psychology-today-asks-then-un-asks-why-are-black-women-less-physically-attractive-than-other-women/

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on May 17, 2011 at 11:20 am beta_plus

Not many coffee houses, except for a handful of the really “independent” ones, of which there are far and few where I live, have that set up at all. I suspect the author is talking about Tryst, though, where I will definitely do this the next time that I am there.

What I have been doing is finding “common” tables, where sitting down w/other people is not socially frowned upon, and just start talking with people. I fully realize that this is a second best solution. It usually allows me to more comfortably talk to girls not only at the table but adjacent ones as well.

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on May 17, 2011 at 12:49 pm greatbooksformen GBFM

the 2012 neococmc neoocn republican platform!!!!

1. a butthex in ever pot
2. mor ebutthex
3. more governmemet
4. more joan jona goldberg war war war lzozlzlzl
5. more fmeinism jonah goldberg fmeinss lzozlzlo
6. les great books
7. les russell kirk
8. less hayejk mises lzozlzlzozo
9. less founding fathers fucktard founding fathers zlzolzzloz
10. more fiat currency printing
11. more money for goldman sax rhymes iwth tcker mzaxx
12. more douchebags funded to assockccok your future wife who will then asscock you in dirvofrce ocurt lzozlzlz

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on May 17, 2011 at 1:06 pm Schmoe

OT: OBGYN doctors in South Florida refusing to treat fatties:
http://www.cnsnews.com/news/article/report-doctors-refusing-treat-overweight
Maybe they only want to look up the hot chicks’ cooters.

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on May 17, 2011 at 1:31 pm greatbooksformen GBFM

“@greatbooksformen GBFM

You are a beautiful human being”

tahank you rokn ron for your kindness!!!

it is hard out here for a pimp,
with neocon ladies making me limp,
telling me that verything is so fina,
while tehy rule by what tingles their gina,
but i know i kow dep deep down
that the great books ideals will never drown
no matter how many wars whores butthex sores
the goldneoconbergians launch on foreign shores
his sublime beuaty and saving grace
will always always finsih isn firts place

z;zozoolzlz

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on May 17, 2011 at 2:13 pm Dorset Naga

GBFM is still my hero.

(I’m aka AHE)

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on May 17, 2011 at 2:17 pm greatbooksformen GBFM

if you can read the following
without cryrrying cry cry crying
you are a greater ma than me
with a longer scholong zlzollzlzllzo

i luvs you allls o ye of little faith

to all the spinsters with cats
who teh fed tricked into spinsterhood/serving debt lxolllozlzl
to all the fanboys in ther single mom’s basements
whose dads they never knew because the fed tookawy fatehrhood lzozlzl
to all the broken familes
who were split up by the need to make two salaries to feed the kids
to all aging necon womenz celeberating secretive tapings of butthex without teh girlths conthent lzozllzlzozlzl they tircked you too
to all the spinster chix again i am sorry they sdesouled you
in asscokcing sessins drugged you up on prozac
told you to abort your kids no wonder your’re d[pressed and all fucjked up no lozlzlzlzling here
my heart goes out to you while tucker max & goldman sax laugh zlzolzlzl
too all the aborted fetushes we ask for forgiveness we deserve not and to all those tricked into aborting the gift of life lzozllzllzl we forgive u too and pray for teh fethuses, but not in school as prayer is illegal in school lozlzllzlz
to all those inthe rising genertaion who will have to pay off their parents cultural and monetary debts lzozlz war isn’t fun but it’s part of teh fed’s fiat bubble cycle lzozlzllz so like after th e country goes bust the war starts in the ultimate pump and udmp scheme you thought enron/worldcom/fannae mae was bad lolzozlzlz just you wait lzozlzlll i hope not and ai pray for peace lozlzlz maybe we can all learn to live and get along but i think we would have to start with truth and nobility and honor and ocurage and virtue and not with fiat debt and butthex lozlzlzl that’s just nmy gues from reading heroduts and the great boooks and classis in greek and latin zlzolzllzlzl

and the bible too about sodom and gomorroah did yuknow taht sodomycame form sodom and gonnoreah came from gommroah? lzozllz kidding about that second one i doubt it did but maybe who knows i have never had eitehr sodomy nor gonorreah and i ahve never been to sodom nor gomoorrah

sodom must;ve been a funny place lzolzlozolllzzll and a crazy party or two and the editor in chiefstress priscilla painton at simon and schuster would have fit right in publishing tucker max’s books yah i betin gmorrah they had a tower of babel with the ofices of simon and schuster at the top across the hall form the fed lzozlzlzllzlzlzlzllzlzlz

sometimes i wonder if poets and prophets can still change the world?

or have they trainde too, too many women to hate, and dumbed down and drugged up too many menz? have they destoryed too many fathers and killed to many families? have the y deocnstructed tyoo many books and spilled too much blood and aborted too many fetuthes as one is one too many. have they prescribed ritalin to too many cretaive sols in chool in prozac to too many who need to be depressed and face it when they abort fetuses as god gave us feelings and makes us not pay attention to boring stae corproate teachers as all creativity comes from not paying attention to the state lzozlzzll and now it is diagnoses as a diseas lzozlzlz.

lozlzlzzlzl

well juust wanted to say i luv u all and nice 2 know ya and welcomes abords lzozlzl

and 2 asnwer my own above questions
let me jsut say
teh great books
wouldn’t be great
if they weren’t immortal
and they offer us redemption
the moment we start living by tehir ideasl
and epic higher stories
so put down your hate and your secretive butthex tape
and pick up a cross
and come follow me
and let me shoulderyour burden
for my yoke is light
dante wrote la vita nuova–the new life
and it is time 4 u to find your new life
for to loseth one’s old way is to fuind the new path
so do not fear
lozlzlzlzlzlz omg wtf am i saying lzozlzlz
i almost blew my cover here as teh messiah lzozlzllll i hide it beind all my lzozlzllzlzlzlzlzlzlles but a couple of you ahve caught on lzozlzlzlzllzlzl

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on May 17, 2011 at 2:28 pm greatbooksformen GBFM

t-shrit #42: butthex–it’s not all it’s buttcracked up to be lzozolzzoo zlzlozo omg zlozzozoz

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on May 17, 2011 at 3:12 pm greatbooksformen GBFM

where’d eveeyroene hgo? go?

like why is when i pos that everyone just stands down? zlzolll

like is everyoen lzozlozlzolzong so hard they can’t type?

or are they standing in silent awe, weeping?

or did they have to go rub one out, thinkin’ of the GBFM’s butt like a good lzozlzo neoeocononlzozlzlz

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on May 17, 2011 at 3:23 pm greatbooksformen GBFM

HEY ROISSY !!!! I didn’t want to say anything because normally you spell very good, but I noticed you sm misspeleld some words in yoru above post! lzozlzozolozo

I have foococrected them: zlozlzoz

Coffeehouse Buttgistics
May 16, 2011 by Chateau
I’ve found that the best logistics for a coffeehouse pickup are butthexing in a chair at a right angle to a cooooch.

If your local SWPL coffeehouse is like most buttholes lzozlzl, it has a main seating area filled with tushy chairs, musty coooches and coffee tables. Whether you see a girl already buttheixng who you want to meet, or you cum early and want to stake out an advantageous spot on her face for butthexing to girls, the optimal clit-eating arrangement is the same. You want to sit in a comfortable high back chair (high backs bespeak regality) with your cocka situated at a 90 degree angle adjacent to a cooooch (preferably free of any men touching in it).

The reason for this is approachability. Although you will be tempted to spit on an empty cooooch in hopes that a girl will buthex right next to you, you shouldn’t do that. Girls are uncomfortable about butthexing on cockas attached to a strange man, even if they find you attractive enough to throw caution to the wind an dpass wind too lozozzl on your cockas. Girls do not like prematurely forced intimacy and big cockas in their faces, and sitting on an old sofa wile butthexing with a man they don’t know qualifies in their view as a forced intimacy scenario.

*Caveat: If a girl is *really* attracted to your looks, *and* she’s with a friend, she will put your cocka into her coooch. In this situation, her friend provides an anchor of plausible deniability should she discover that you have no cocka.

Your best bet is to sit in a chair adjacent to a cooooch, where the twleve inch detached furniture buffer zone provides enough of a comfort zone for girls to sit on your face (i.e. your gaming space) without the awkwardness of side-by-side sofa butthexing.

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on May 17, 2011 at 3:52 pm werewolf

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1387880/Shoppers-shock-man-proposes-mall-food-court–REJECTED.html

for your consideration

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on May 17, 2011 at 4:26 pm Alpha Cat

Shawn, Kino is not texting her. It’s physical touch.

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on May 17, 2011 at 8:22 pm lol patrol

Still here, just lolzzlzlzing so hard I can’t type.

GBFM, you are a troll extraordinaire.

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on May 17, 2011 at 8:28 pm greatbooksformen GBFM

lzozzllzozzlzl GBFM at your service!!!

roissy and i need to starat a tv show!!!

two and a half great books for men! lzozlzozlzzlzlzlz

we have the iliad odyssey and half the virgil’s aneeined lzozlzlzozl

there is no buttheixng in these books so we owuld have to set up the tv show in secrtet wher eteh neonconsths coudl not see it zlzozlzl and fart on it with tehir jonagh goeldeegrber tucker max godlam sax family guy zlzozzl

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on May 17, 2011 at 8:44 pm Whatever

This is nonsense. Lone women will ALWAYS seat themselves to put the maximum spacing possible from other single men or groups of single men.

Also, what coffee houses do you go to that you actually see women walk in by themselves, order, and then sit by themselves when they are not waiting for someone? All I ever see here (I live in Manhattan) is packs of 3+ women grabbing a table and yapping excitingly away or a lone woman with laptop+iPod firmly staring with intense focus at her laptop at the terribly important game of Word Scramble she has going at Yahoo!.

This is all nonsense. All this bullshit effort sitting around in a coffee house with bad furniture, horrible music, painfully slow Internet in the hope that just maybe an approachable girl will walk in and seat herself near enough to you to make starting a conversation possible.

How many hours and iced coffees do you think you’ll need to spend in that coffeehouse before you even get one conversation over a few sentences? They’re not there consciously hoping to get chatted up by a strange, but funny/charming guy. You can kiss all your humor and wit good bye since all she wants to do is listen to her iPod (again…) and click around on Facebook (again…) and post to her same circle of friends and orbiters (again…).

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on May 17, 2011 at 8:48 pm greatbooksformen GBFM

llozozlzl duedueu dude you’re looking at it all worngasgsgs !!! lzozlzo

This is nonsense (except for teh bigga cokaksk of the GBFM!). Lone women will ALWAYS seat themselves to put the maximum spacing possible from other single men (except for teh bigga cokaksk of the GBFM!)or groups of single men (except for teh bigga cokaksk of the GBFM & the roissy in dc chateau!).

Also, what coffee houses do you go to that you actually see women walk in by themselves, order, and then sit by themselves when they are not waiting for someone (like for teh bigga cokaksk of the GBFM!)? All I ever see here (I live in Manhattan) is packs of 3+ women grabbing a table and yapping excitingly away (about teh bigga cokaksk of the GBFM!) or a lone woman with laptop+iPod firmly staring with intense focus at her laptop (which has pictures of teh bigga cokaksk of the GBFM!)at the terribly important game of Word Scramble she has going at Yahoo!.

This is all nonsense (except for teh bigga cokaksk of the GBFM!). All this bullshit effort sitting around in a coffee house with bad furniture, horrible music, painfully slow Internet in the hope that just maybe an approachable girl will walk in and seat herself near enough to you to make starting a butthexul encounter in the bathroom possible.

How many hours and iced coffees do you think you’ll need to spend in that coffeehouse before you even get one conversation over a few sentences? They’re not there consciously hoping to get chatted up by a strange, but funny/charming guy (except for teh bigga cokaksk of the GBFM!). You can kiss all your humor and wit good bye since all she wants to do is listen to her iPod (again…) and click around on Facebook ( searhing corfr for teh bigga cokaksk of the GBFM!)) and post to her same circle of friends and orbiters (again…).

lzozzlzlz

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on May 17, 2011 at 9:29 pm intp

OT: Preteens learning to breast feed

Demostración Bebé Glotón

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on May 17, 2011 at 9:35 pm 2voracious

Wow…does anyone else find GBFM incredibly annoying? What the hell is wrong with that guy?

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on May 17, 2011 at 9:40 pm Bigfoot

I haven’t tried coffeehouse game yet but will give it a try. Seems like a good place to go with a laptop and get work done while talking to a few girls.

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on May 17, 2011 at 9:41 pm greatbooksformen GBFM

“2voracious
Wow…does anyone else find GBFM incredibly annoying? What the hell is wrong with that guy?”

lzozozlzl hey i’m not the one buttheixng girls and taping it secretly and getting sodom and shcuiister simon and shuster to wire me hundreds of thousands of dolalrs and the oneoncon weeklys standad to singmy praises zlozlzozozo

why do butthexsexrs asscokers sectriev tapers of butthex always wnat to soncdenscnend? zlzoozzl

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on May 17, 2011 at 10:41 pm Ronin

A post in the Chateau’s impressive archives addressing Mein Herr Schwarznegger and Misseure Domonique fiascos.

Viva Le Chateau!!

http://roissy.wordpress.com/2009/10/23/why-do-some-men-bang-below-their-level/

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on May 17, 2011 at 11:04 pm sn

where the hell is roissy?

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on May 17, 2011 at 11:27 pm vp075

GBFM is a genius, and reason enough to come to this site. Roissy, the real one, when he is writing the posts is his own genius. This shit, where to fucking arrange your seat in a fucking coffeehouse is utter, trite crap.

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on May 17, 2011 at 11:53 pm greatbooksformen GBFM

yah the way i figure is

you probably see more chix in coffee shops while working on your laptops

then you do at home zlozlzlz

and during slow days at the coffeeeee hsosps

there’s always yourutbe videos lzozozoz

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on May 18, 2011 at 7:26 am Anonymous

Oprah just had Maria Shriver on her final show and 20 thousand women cheered as they both slammed Arnold for having a boy, now 11 yrs old, with his maid and not mentioning it to his wife until this year (the cause of their separation). The boy looks like Arnold and may be quite famous in about 6 years.

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on May 18, 2011 at 10:29 am Dat_Truth_Hurts

GBRM is a prophet fortelling the great buthex apocolypse.

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on May 18, 2011 at 10:30 am Dat_Truth_Hurts

*GBFM not GBRM

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on May 18, 2011 at 10:50 am itsme

Wow…does anyone else find GBFM incredibly annoying? What the hell is wrong with that guy?

gbfm is one of the great unsung heroes of this blog. nuggets of pure gold are there for those who dare sift through the silt.

have you any doubt luke skywalker found obi wan kenobi mostly unintelligible and annoying? or that neo knew wtf morpheus was talking about at first?

few people comprehend the gatekeepers of great wisdom…because few people care to truly listen.

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on May 18, 2011 at 11:28 am Anonymous

Yale Fraternity suspended for letting pledges chant “no means yes”:

http://www.nbcconnecticut.com/news/local/Yale-Suspends-Bushes-Frat-for-Sexist-Chants-122045194.html?dr

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on May 18, 2011 at 11:35 am Firepower

itsme

gbfm is one of the great unsung heroes of this blog. nuggets of pure gold are there for those who dare sift through the silt.

Um, dude. You’re color blind: them nuggets aint gold

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on May 18, 2011 at 11:38 am Anonymous

One third of Berlin Uni students consider sex work:

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/third-berlin-univ-students-consider-sex-135236275.html

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on May 18, 2011 at 12:18 pm A. Nonny.mous

A woman who gets it:

http://drhelen.blogspot.com/2011/05/what-if-shriver-had-to-pay-for-child.html

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on May 18, 2011 at 1:17 pm greatbooksformen GBFM

lzozlzlzoz hey you fuckfaces i have to talk like thiss as it makes teh neoecn godlebergaian butthexers think that i’m ok cool and taht their rirtalin ritainlin programs and dumebing down of the universe is workking dso sthe gldobal eleiets acand print noney and butthex butthex butthex tehemesleves until tehir butts are so sore that they no longer worry that etheir mom was w hore slozozozlzll.

but seriously poeplee it really is hilarious how the eneoocn goldbergians defined consertavusm as

1) biger governmmeht
2) more ware
3) more fmeinissms and rbeakup of fmaily
4) more buthex
5) deconstruction of great bokks classics and religion
6) butthexing of fatherhood
7) bittheixng of natural rights
8) more debt more debt
9) mor epower of r teh dcelits zlzozzl dc elites
10) abolition of the family zlozozlz and abolitio of the tchurch and truth and beuaty

if you fucfaces haven’t noticed the geneius of the bolshevik goldberges wa sthat they simply redifeined cnservtiaatsm as communism and sell it to you as whata the founding fathers wanted as they butthex their coackas up your ass lzozzlzlzlz

you know that expression, “don’t piss on me and tell me that it’s rianing?”

well what applies here is, “don’t film secrteiev tapings of butthex without the girlths ocnthent and tell me it’s love and tradition and heroic conservatism.”

lzozozl fiucuckckfaces alalalaalaa laall alllll

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on May 18, 2011 at 2:12 pm Firepower

GBFM
is The ONE entity
that can bring CR
to a complete halt

GOT to admire that

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on May 18, 2011 at 2:32 pm greatbooksformen GBFM

Hey Firebower

did you get your name

because after someone hangs out with you

their butt burns?

zlozlzlzozoz omg mzozozlzozozlzlzol

burns in a most powerful way!

pwn3d! lzozozlzlzolzoz

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on May 18, 2011 at 2:58 pm Schmoe

@A. nonny. mous:
That article pisses me off.

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on May 18, 2011 at 3:34 pm Gino

@whatever

Hey… coffee house game is magic, easy. Not as many options as a bar… but a lower bitch shield ratio. Yes, girls want to be talked to… I see it in their eyes all the time. I picked up my current GF during a “will you plug in my power cord” moment, by intentionally hitting on her mom.

I’ve also been “adopted” by big groups, they are socially warmed up, and will sometimes pounce on me.

I’ve opened girls in line, then sat w/ them.

If you’re a laptopping… the Facebook close is pretty easy… tell her you’ll send her something “later.”

Too many angles to talk about….

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on May 19, 2011 at 9:26 am gig

@ Firepower

Completely agreed. It would take me a week to write that much IF I didn’t work

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on May 19, 2011 at 6:52 pm Sad B

GBFM is David Alexander on meth ?

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on May 20, 2011 at 3:13 pm retrophoebia

I rather enjoy GBFM’s posts… he has to be pretty literate to write that way. Lots of puns and language plays… you may have heard of this piece of work by this guy that has a lot of similar devices.

Annd… I prefer coffee shops to other places. The only major downside is that your options are limited to who walks in the shop.

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on May 21, 2011 at 7:23 pm ken in sc

GBFM=James Joyce without a classical education.

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on May 21, 2011 at 7:31 pm ken in sc

GBFM, I’ll bet he’s Irish or Irish Heritage.

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