A Study In Contrasts

August 30, 2011 by CH

Me, during an evening of sitting on pea green, chocolate brown and beige boutique furniture, drinking $14/four-pack beer, and ricocheting rapid-fire witticisms about supper clubs, pop culture icons and travel mishaps with a mixed group of men, women and gay non-math-oriented professionals carousing through the twilight of our nation’s greatness:

Me, during a night of rolling solo in a dimly lit bar chatting up girls:

You’ve gotta struggle a little to feel like a free man.

Posted in Funny/Lolblogs, The Id Monster | 48 Comments

48 Responses

on August 30, 2011 at 4:09 pm j r

Cats?

Honestly, they both look like pussies to me.

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on August 30, 2011 at 4:16 pm Camelot007

Know the feeling

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on August 30, 2011 at 4:23 pm Heathcliff

Gay

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on August 30, 2011 at 4:26 pm gig

gay non-math-oriented professionals

LOL!!! But lawyers are usually a straight bunch while non-math oriented. They, together with doctors, are the exceptions to your rule

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- on August 30, 2011 at 5:03 pm askjoe
  
  This detail is telling and amusing, the ghey in dc is applied to lawyers dedicated to hectoring the public towards submission to the government and interior designers. But they are good dinner companions. As for non-math orientated, I guess this is a slam on non-MBAs and non-engineers, the people who really pay the bills.
  
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  - on August 30, 2011 at 5:20 pm gig
    
    Well, I didn’t know about those DC facts. Point taken, then.
    
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- on August 31, 2011 at 3:16 am Regularkid
  
  Um, there are ALOT of gay lawyers. Check ur facts.
  
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on August 30, 2011 at 4:29 pm Tony D (Zardoz)

I understand completely. A strong message in a few words.

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on August 30, 2011 at 4:53 pm Yong Win

I hate cats. Just hate them.

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- on August 30, 2011 at 5:19 pm Mingus
  
  I’m down with cats, especially this one:
  
  (from wiki):
  Fritz the Cat is self-centered and hedonistic, lacking both morals and ethics. Thomas Albright describes Fritz as “a kind of updated Felix with overtones of Charlie Chaplin, Candide, and Don Quixote.” Fritz’s had a “glib, smooth and self-assured” personality….”
  
  First time I took acid, my friends and I watched the movie, fuckin classic!
  
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  - on September 1, 2011 at 1:23 am old guy, lower case
    
    +1
    
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on August 30, 2011 at 4:55 pm Maya

Oh, how cute! ❤ I already have one cat (black, castrated), but I'll definitely have at least two more as soon as possible.

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- on August 31, 2011 at 5:44 pm Glengarry
  
  Rule of thumb: no more than 1 cat / 100 pounds.
  
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on August 30, 2011 at 4:57 pm greatbooksformen GBFM

lozozlzlz

hey eveeyrobodydyd’s!!!

now tahta summer is eneding i am coming form from

martha’s vineyard
and nantucket

and i’m bakc in the mhamptons zlozlzl

this summer i cososocred lots pusususytsysyss putststanahaga pussysys wiwwysys scored lotas pustssyys which took in my maganuma cockas lzozlzlzlzoz and had lostssa fun sharing coakckcspslooge with hotties all oveer lzoozozozlzl

but ia alsos spent the sumemr completeing my reasearch proeject lzozlzlz

here are the resuslts:

http://greatbooksformen.wordpress.com/2011/08/14/wonce-upon-a-time-mens-wents-2-church-2-find-a-good-wownenez-lzozlzlzloz/

wonce upon a time mens wents 2 church 2 find a good wownenez lzozlzlzloz

wonce upon a time mens wents 2 church 2 find a good wownenez lzozlzlzloz to be a wife and mother and faithful honor cherish lzozlzzozlolzozlz

today woemnz go 2 churrhc 2 find a beta or gammamale to pay for their three children forrm three fatehrs who pumped dand dudmped theier zazzez afetr asszzcockcing them lzozlzlzlzo

lzoozlzzllz u know it;s trueues! lzozlz

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- on August 30, 2011 at 5:54 pm mw
  
  visited a mega church recently instead of my usual neighborhood one, had the same thought
  
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on August 30, 2011 at 4:59 pm greatbooksformen GBFM

zlozz omg lzozozl

i am so excietd for the new shccocole year!!!!! sshcoll rules!!! ;zpozpzz;z

lotsas spussyys swusyssy train womenz 2 give it up 2 me thank you central bankers for trianing womena turning womene into lotsa pussy givers to gbfm lzozlzlzl

wonce upon a time mens wents 2 church 2 find a good wownenez lzozlzlzloz

wonce upon a time mens wents 2 church 2 find a good wownenez lzozlzlzloz to be a wife and mother and faithful honor cherish lzozlzzozlolzozlz

today woemnz go 2 churrhc 2 find a beta or gammamale to pay for their three children forrm three fatehrs who pumped dand dudmped theier zazzez afetr asszzcockcing them lzozlzlzlzo

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- on August 30, 2011 at 5:10 pm Dan
  
  Simulated disorder postulates perfect discipline.
  
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on August 30, 2011 at 5:00 pm greatbooksformen GBFM

oooooooops sorry for tehe doudbeels posstsss!! lzozlzl

i menats to post thsis:

i can show you the way, neo, but you will have to walk it zlozlzlzozzlozlzlzo

ozlzlz the more you read me and roissy the mroe your life will improve as you come to see the fiat butthex matrix for what it is — you will see the green streams of fiat data (dripping with buttdouche fresh off the butthex presses) like the matrix but with a subltle difference as some of you wieinsteinas have already seen for urself lzozzll

at the ned of the matrix neo saw it as

1010101011110100101
1101001010100101010
1101010101011101001
0101010000010101111
0100101111111101010
1101010101001001001
1101001010101001010
1101001010100001010
0100101010010101010

and when you have walked the path you too will see the butthexing matrix for what it is and how the fed funded the desouling of womenz with massive amounts of douchcock frrom an early age in all tehir orfices and are acting through the soulles temptresses to seize your assetts now when a girl says, “what i really really want is a nice guy, i’m tired of the asswholes (lozlzl who got her younger hotter tighter)” instead of hearing what she says and then trying to be a nice guy you will hear the truth behind the butthexing matrix’s facade lzozlzl:

10101010010110101010101010
10101010101010101010010110
101010z01010z0101l01zzlzozll1
1o1o1o1o1ozozozo1o1o101011
1o1o1o1oozozzozozozozo01011
lozlzlzozlzozlozzlzozlzozlzozzoz1
1010i1o1o1want1010a01010001
douchebag10to butthex me0101
010and i want you 2 buy me100
01meals and a ring while i01011
0101give by butt & vagina01010
010away for free to butthexers1
100who tape it scretely lzozl100
zlzozllzlzlzozlzozzloozzllz and101
1010make my anus sore for010
1010days010101 101010101011
1010lolsolsoslslollzzlozlzzozlz010
0101pay 4 my meals0101001010
101010and1010maybe1010u1010
1001can1010touch1010my10dry
101001dried1010up110pussy100
101stds stds stds0101010101010
10101buy me 1010a ring1010101
1010for100the1010pussy1010i100
0101gave1010away1010for0101
1010free1010when1010it0was10
100younger1010hotter0110lozlz
lolzlztighter1010and010propose01
1010so1001i1010can0110rape10
1010your101010anus1010in0101
1010divorce01010court1010and01
10transfer010your0101assets1001
1010to1010bernanke1001and1010
1010the1010fiat1010buttheex1010
1001matrix01010lozlzlzlzlzlzzozllzzl
omglzozlzlzllzlzlzzzlzllzlzlzlzlzlzllzlzllz

10lzozllzlz0zzllllzllzllzlzz1ozozlzlzl0
010111010101010101101010101

the sublime act of butthex is a beuatiful metaphor for what the fed does to a currency and a country, which is why the neocon weekly standard celebrates butthexers–es[pecially those who taope it without the girkl’s conthent and profit off the act. lzozlzlzlzl!

[on the war that devastated the Real World]
Morpheus: We don’t know who butthexed first, us or them. But we do know it was them that videotaped it without our consent while scorching the sky wioth a long trail of butthex lies. At the time, they were dependent on butthex power. It was believed they would be unable to survive without an energy source as abundant as the common man’s collective anushole. lozzllzlzlzzl

Trinity: I know why you’re here, Neo. I know what you’ve been doing… why you hardly sleep, why you live alone, and why night after night, you sit by your computer reading roissy & GBFM. You’re looking for him. I know because I was once looking for the same thing. And when he found me, he told me I wasn’t really looking for him. I was looking for an answer. It’s the question that drives us, Neo. It’s the question that brought you here. You know the question, just as I did.
Neo: What is the butthex fiat Mathrix?
Trinity: The answer is out there, Neo, and it’s looking for you, and it will find you if you want it to.

[Neocon sees a black cat walk by them, and then a similar black cat walk by them just like the first one]
Neocon: Whoa. Déjà vu.
[Everyone freezes right in their tracks]
Trinity: What did you just say?
Neocon: Nothing. Just had a little déjà vu.
Trinity: What did you see?
Cypher: What happened?
Neocon: A black cat went past us, and then another that looked just like it.
Trinity: How much like it? Was it the same cat?
Neocon: It might have been. I’m not sure.
Morpheus: Switch! Apoc!
Neocon: What is it?
Trinity: A déjà vu is usually a glitch in the butthexMatrix. It happens when they change something. Now that I am an aging women in the butthex matrix with her eggs and gina drying up having given the best years of her anus to drunk alphas during her college desouling years via massively multiplayer asscockig in the butt sessions and getting her fiat mba (masters of butthexing in da Anus) and blowing upper level mangement lzozllz, the butthexmatrix is now delivering my cats. Two this morning and now two more. yaya! lozlzl

lozlzlzlzlzl

Morpheus: The Fiat lozllolozllzzl butthex Matrix is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. lzozozozozl! But when you’re inside, you look around, what do you see? Businessmen, bloggers, teachers, betas, lawyers, herbs, carpenters, and neocon womenz writing for the weekly standard, repeating the fiat lies of secretive tapers of butthex without teh girls conthent lzozlzlzlzl. The very minds and anusholes of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that butthex system and that makes them our anus’s lozlzlzozzozozl enemy. You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unbuttplugged. And many of them are so inured to butthex, so hopelessly dependent on the system of secretive tapings of butthex without tehir conthent, that they will fight to protect it and reapet the lies of secretive tapers of butthex in teh pages of the weekly standard even though they seem to be nice neocon ladies.
[Neo’s eyes suddenly wander towards a woman in a red dress]
Morpheus: Were you listening to me, Neo? Or were you looking at the woman in the red dress (woman as temptress in the heor’s journey myth) who was desouled via copious fiat-funded butthex from butthexers celerbated in teh pages of the weekly standard?
Neo: I was…
Morpheus: [gestures with one hand] Look again.
[the desouled, massively-butthexed woman in the red dress is now a bestselling new york times author, pointing a cock at Neo’s ass; Neo ducks]
Morpheus: Freeze it.
[Everybody and everything besides Neo and Morpheus freezes in time]
Neo: This… this isn’t the butthex Matrix?
Morpheus: No. It is another training program designed to teach you one thing: if you are not one of us lozlzlzlzlers, you are one of them butthexers.

lozlzlzl

i wanna start lzozlzlzl media where we have a character based on roissy who sees green streams of streaming data every time a bernankified chick opens her moutrh and throughout every episode all the herbs and betas pay for the meals of the chix roissy butthexes in the end due to his supreme knowelge of being THE ONE lzozlzlzllzzl

i would be more like one of those minor characters along for the ride in the mother ship stanidng off to the side going lzozlzz zlzozlzozlzozlz zlzozllzozlzlzlz and don’t gte me worng i would score with all the hotties but like roissy woudl get first pick for his lead dick and i’d get the next two as that’s only fair lzozlzlzlzllzlzllzl

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- on August 30, 2011 at 8:24 pm Mexican Pete
  
  That is a lot more entertaining than the dire Matrix trilogy
  
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on August 30, 2011 at 5:12 pm Carmo@awol360.com

Aren’t men usually compared to dogs and women to cats? WTF

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- on August 30, 2011 at 5:33 pm Cadnerd
  
  Usually by someone who knows neither dogs nor cats.
  
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  - on August 30, 2011 at 5:52 pm mw
    
    +1
    
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- on August 30, 2011 at 6:00 pm Dan
  
  Cats exhibit the qualities that women seek in men.
  
  Dogs exhibit the qualities that men seek in women.
  
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  - on August 30, 2011 at 7:24 pm Oyster
    
    +1
    
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  - on August 30, 2011 at 7:32 pm CallistoRising
    
    Come to think of it, I very much agree. Concordantly, it’s a negative trait when women are too much like cats (fickle, albeit nice when they nuzzle up with you) and men too much like dogs (pedestalization of the ‘owner’ and submission to their whim).
    
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- on August 31, 2011 at 5:36 pm Glengarry
  
  Why must I chase the cat? Why must I be like that?
  
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on August 30, 2011 at 5:37 pm (r)Evoluzione

The drive to hunt and thus to eat (something besides birdseed, anyway), and fuck, are the second & third strongest biological drives, only the drive to breathe is stronger. The comforts of civilized society suffocate the interconnected drives of the hunter & seducer.

Stay hungry. Be wild. Escape the cage.

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on August 30, 2011 at 5:41 pm Cadnerd

Cat #1 looks like a DC fatcat..

Cat #2 reminds me of mine — Lean Mean Mice Killing Machine (Beside squirrels and fowl. Coons scratched a sign into the fence post: “Here is death!”, and avoid my place by a wide arc.)

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on August 30, 2011 at 7:22 pm Anonymous

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on August 30, 2011 at 8:22 pm Mexican Pete

GBFM,

That is fucking hilarious

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on August 30, 2011 at 8:49 pm Cat Patrol

Man, its weird you post about cats today. There is a woman at work thats been paying a lot of attention to me in the last few weeks. She’s been lurking around my office and playfully gabbing with me. Today the conversation was how she hated cats and that cats were like females in that they do their own thing and go on their way. She said “thats why they call them PUSSY cats”.

Although not my type, I think I’ll be banging her soon.

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on August 30, 2011 at 11:27 pm Bigfoot

So true.

Pickup does make you feel badass.

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on August 30, 2011 at 11:42 pm Cadnerd

Be careful when
you do your own thing
and then go your own way.
she may call you a pussy cad.

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on August 30, 2011 at 11:56 pm Phokin

Heartiste showing some of the beta that lies within or is becoming more prevalent after the conversion. We all know he has some, just like the rest of us. I respect the fact he can show it from time to time, as it reveals more about human nature and experience than pontificating as a know-it-all who has already figured out how to handle himself in any situation, regardless of the shit test thrown his way or the type of woman he encounters.

Think this blog would be improved if he revealed his growing-beta-times and failures since many of the guys checking out his blog looking for insight are trying to learn from messing up last night or weekend, not from having a ton of success and years of experience. Those guys might read for pleasure or nuance, but the real public service is helping to convince those who don’t believe, are struggling, in the middle of the battle, or who have no other mentor–to keep on keepin’ on and plow forward while acknowledging the necessary setbacks that are most instructive to push one forward to excellence and success. Its getting the ball rolling that is difficult. Once it is rolling, it becomes a bit easier despite the occasional pothole or sewer grate that comes with just being out there.

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on August 31, 2011 at 1:42 am Neil Hansen

Love the deets: pea green and beige furniture whilst discussing trivial matters. Quite literally we are living in TS Eliot’s “Wasteland.”

In the room the women come and go
talking of Michael Angelo

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on August 31, 2011 at 2:37 am Unamused

I like kitties.

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on August 31, 2011 at 2:47 am Marellus

Heartiste.

That cat is a stray. An unloved and apathetic stray. You saw that poor cat only as a vehicle for explaining a concept. Yet its life was harder and more tragic than any person using this blog. The least you could have done was to show that cat some pity. You didn’t.

God damn you.

Now you can retort by making comparisons between me and that fat cat above it. It’s fine by me.

I’d still tell you to go to hell … and that cat will help you on your way … it’s been there already …

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- on August 31, 2011 at 7:30 pm Traveller
  
  I agree.
  
  “Yet its life was harder and more tragic than any person using this blog”
  
  HIS life
  
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on August 31, 2011 at 8:28 am Bdog57

Badass Kitteh is Badass.

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on August 31, 2011 at 8:47 am Alpha

Cats? Really? This is what you’ve come to?

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on August 31, 2011 at 10:47 am mick9

cats=cads, smart , independent.
Female cats are usually bitchy,male cats more sociable if they are fixed. My cats like dogs , I hate dogs.

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on August 31, 2011 at 11:33 am RiotGear

WTF?

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on August 31, 2011 at 2:34 pm Drug user

LOL, this ugly bitch at 44 thinks she is at her prime.

Sinead O’Connor is looking for broadminded love in all the blog places. Complaining that “her-moans” have got the best of her, the Irish singer has taken her sex quest to the internet, calling for a sex partner on her blog and on twitter.

Complaining of a lack of intimacy in recent times, O’Connor writes on her blog: “My shit-uation sexually/affectionately speaking is so dire that inanimate objects are starting to look good as are inappropriate and/or unavailable men and/or inappropriate and/or unavailable fruits and vegetables. I tell you yams are looking like the winners.”

The singer is best known for her 1990 hit single, Nothing Compares 2 U. Her hugely popular version of Prince’s heartbreak epic brought her enormous international recognition and a Grammy award.

But fame, even on the wane, presents romantic difficulties for O’Connor.

“Needless to say what I do for a living makes it hard for me to find men that only want me cuz they like my (legendary) arse. Yet I am in the peak of my sexual prime and way too lovely to be living like a nun. and it’s VERY depressing.”

So she’s taken action but O’Connor is not looking for just any man. She specifically wants a middle-aged, sweet, sex-starved man – who doesn’t use hair product, lives in Ireland and loves his mother.

“Fire-men, rugby players, and Robert Downey-Junior will be given special consideration. As will literally anyone who applies.”

For those keen to come to O’Connor’s sexual rescue, applications can be made via her secretary.

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- on August 31, 2011 at 3:03 pm das986@opiu.com
  
  Maybe she should adopt some cats.
  
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- on August 31, 2011 at 3:53 pm *Yoles*
  
  she did say sexual prime which doesn’t have a medical standpoint so to speak, it does have a emotional and mental one… it is said younger girls may be slimmer and prettier but older gals know what to do with it.
  Think about it. Are the kids more self-sufficient? Is she established at work? She has less stress and gets more sleep. She may also be old enough to toss out her inhibitions. A great fringe benefit of aging is not caring what anybody thinks.
  Hopefully this is all true…
  #agingsucks
  
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  - on August 31, 2011 at 5:07 pm itsme
    
    a woman’s reproductive prime starts in her teens and ends at around 25. this also happens to be the age range of a woman’s highest smv, all other factors being equal.
    
    the notion that a woman’s ‘sexual prime’ is in her 30’s to 40’s is a bunch of feminist nonsense.
    
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on September 1, 2011 at 1:21 am old guy, lower case

MEOW !!!

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on September 5, 2011 at 4:51 pm Equis

see post title. Contrast

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