Drive-By Teases

An often unremarked (partly because it goes against the reigning feminist narrative) structural unfairness between the sexes is the amount of effort the average man has to put into dating and relationships to keep them going, compared to the feeble efforts women usually expend on dating momentum and relationship management. The fact is that men (without game) *do* have to commit more energy to courtship and relationships because young, fertile women are the sex in higher demand. Women have to do all of not messing up their looks. (The effort to apply make-up and buy stylish, sexy clothes is nothing compared to the psychological, provisioning and logistical efforts men bring to the table.)

But as we here at the Chateau are fond of saying: life is unfair. Get used to it. Double standards exist and aren’t going anywhere because many of them are emergent properties of fixed, innate sex-based characteristics. Men have no more moral basis to bitch about dating energy expenditure than do women about slut shaming.

But thanks to the wonders of game, men can limit their relationship energy requirements while maximizing the impact each unit of spent energy has on women’s interest levels. In layman’s terms, men can easily spice up relationships (and dates) with almost no effort by employing the drive-by tease. Examples:

• Flush the toilet when she’s in the shower.
• Snap wet towel at her butt. (Should just barely cross line of genuine pain.)
• “Happy Valentine’s Day!” [give her a wrapped box of condoms]
• Put a “pinch my butt” post-it note on her back as she’s heading out for work.
• Slip her car into neutral when she’s driving. (Note: not recommended on women with exceptionally bad driving skills.)
• Turn the light off or unplug her dryer when she’s doing her hair.
• Pretend to throw her cat out the window. (A full throwing motion accompanied by frantic mewing will boost dramatic effect.)
• Never miss a chance to turn a serious question into a glib answer.
• Pretend to accidentally cut off your finger in the kitchen. (Use gobs of ketchup.)
• Replace her cosmetics with crayons.
• Put her panties on her cat (Don’t put them on the dog if the dog is yours. There are some lines not meant to be crossed.)
• Draw smiley faces or penises on her tampons.
• Paint a picture of her. With great fanfare, unveil a stick figure drawing.
• Pull weeds from the yard. Put them in a vase with a sincere love note attached. (Act offended if she doesn’t swoon for your weeds. Keep up the pretense for weeks.)
• Place a giant stuffed animal or clown doll in bed, facing her. When she wakes up, she’ll freak.
• Walk around casually at home with your dick hanging out of your jeans crotch. Call her a perv for noticing.
• Turn her shirts inside out.
• Put a Baby Ruth in her shoe. “Omg, I think the cat pooped in your shoe.”
• Dutch oven. Shower oven. Car oven.
• Honk her tits. Make loud honking noise. Bonus points if you use an air horn.

The drive-by tease is, typically, the non-verbal equivalent of the cocky/funny neg. More elaborate forms qualify as pranks. The DBT subliminally asserts male dominance as well as creativity, both of which are catnip to women. Dominance assertion is telegraphed in any act where the subtext is “I don’t care if you’re offended by this.” Girls like men who don’t walk on eggshells around them. But why?, you ask. Well, because men like that are interpreted by women to have options, that is, a take it or leave it attitude toward women. And a man who can walk away without much fuss is a desirable man. That doesn’t sound very romantic, but in practice when you act like this type of man your life will feel romantic as you are showered with women’s loving romantic love bombs.