The Short Man Shit Test

The Private Man has a post about a short male friend who received a particularly crass OkCupid message from a girl:

A friend and colleague is doing the online dating thing with OKCupid. He’s 26, intelligent, and with a diverse range of interests and enthusiasms. All in all, he’s a good guy and certainly boyfriend material. He’s also relatively short at 5’6″ and he accepts his height realistically.

A girl recently sent him this OKCupid message:

“You are perfect except for your height wahhh. We should be friends, I think we would get along really well and have similar tastes/interests.”

What. A. Bitch.

She is the one who sent the message to him and then she rejects him romantically in the first sentence because of a physical characteristic completely beyond his control. Worse, she still wants “friendship” as an option. Here’s the most clueless girl on the planet. It’s clueless (and classless) girls like this who turn men into cold-hearted pickup artists. If she’s pulling a shit test to see if my friend would rise to the occasion, she’s taking bitchery to stratospheric levels. Likely, she’s not even aware of how awful she came across in her message.

As TPM noted, there are not very many men who would send the unsolicited equivalent to a woman on an online dating site.

Most men have enough awareness to not send the following online dating message to a perfect stranger:

“You are perfect except for your weight. We should be friends, I think we would get along really well and have similar tastes/interests.”

Maybe men should start doing this. It would go a ways to correcting women’s poor behavior and aligning their expectations with reality. And that SMV reality has never looked worse for women: chubsters and battle-axes and man impersonators as far as the eye can see.

I suspect the increase in women’s rudeness, (and I don’t doubt it is increasing among American women), is part ego stroking, part masculinization caused by elevated T levels (which itself is caused by careerism, fat-assery and leftoidism (the latter has the opposite effect on men)), and part manifestation of deep-seated insecurity about their mate worth and ability to land a quality man.

Think about it. If you are a marginal woman who has been burned one too many times by a sexy jerk, you will start to construct a hard shell to protect against future relationship disappointments. This shell often appears in the form of aggressive, preemptive posturing; a kind of “I’ll “””reject””” him before he rejects me” mentality. This is how substandard girls rationalize their solitude and give themselves a temporary ego thrill.

The irony of this cunttastic tactic is that it’s most frequently targeted against beta males — just the sorts of niceguys who would least give these beta women any reason to hate men. But women are human, and humans, despite our protestations to the contrary, can’t help but despise the weak and respect the strong. If you give a cunt half an inch, she’ll take a country mile.

It may also simply be the case that the woman in TPM’s story is a spergqueen, and didn’t know any better. But that’s not the way to bet.

Anyhow, I’d like to turn our attention away from calculating to the tenth decimal place the exact degree of this girl’s bitchiness, and toward the idea that there is an opportunity presented here to handle a blatant shit test and flip an attraction switch in the girl. The fact is, no matter how bitchy a girl, there is no deserved comeuppance as delicious as seducing her, fucking her, and then leaving her before the jizz has dried, never to contact her again. Unless you don’t have the stomach for that kind of stone cold vengeance. Not that I would know anything about that.

So you can chew her out and chasten her — and there would be nothing wrong with that, for you would be making the world a better place for future men who might have the misfortune of crossing paths with her — or you can attempt to make vaginade out of caustic cuntery.

As shit tests go, this one provides us with an excellent opportunity to demonstrate alpha male composure after a truly obnoxious taunt is hurled our way. This taunt is especially irritating because the girl has couched her attack in soft, passive-aggressive, condescending language; just the sort of vile subterfuge with which women are very skilled. Below, I offer some replies that would effectively neutralize this short man shit test, and gain you hand over the girl should you decide pursuing a fuck close is worth it.

Whatever way you answer this shit test, remember that the most important factor is that you NOT sound bitter. Her bitch antennae will be sensitive to any hint of bitterness or anger or defensiveness, so you have to be careful to avoid leaving any impression like those.

“You are perfect except for your height wahhh. We should be friends, I think we would get along really well and have similar tastes/interests.”

Possible effective replies

“Wow – you’ve got big hair – I might need a ladder to check out all your split ends. What are the odds of my grabbing a handful later tonight?” — This one courtesy of commenter “tj” to the original post. I would categorize this reply as “Ignore, and redirect”. Probably would work better in person with a playful attitude, than in words where it can be misinterpreted as bitter.

“Short height, big dick. Works for me. I’ll bet you’re a crazy cat lady in training.” — Also from tj. I’d drop the “crazy cat lady” line. The first two sentences are enough.

“Hey – thanks for your interest. I can see you haven’t been trained by a man yet. Your message is going to cost you two points. Now – write me a polite letter of introduction and tell me why your hair is worth pulling.” — Again from tj. This would not work face to face. Too many words. Works better in email or chat.

“Sure, we can be friends. But you’ll have to meet my girlfriends first. If they don’t like you, I’ll have to pass.”

“Have you ever fucked in front of your cat?” — You can go all sorts of ways with this reply. For instance, if she objects, say “But I thought we were friends? This is what friends talk about!”

“I get this all the time… too tall for the ladies.”

“Is this how you pick up guys? I’m not smitten yet. Try harder.”

“Perfect height for cunnilingus.”

“Who is this?”

“Whoa, dial back the charm. My knees are knocking.”

“Slow down, party girl. What makes you think we would get along? I hardly know you.”

“You like it in the pooper. I can tell.”

“You’ll have to wine and dine me first.”

“Get away from me you crazy-eyed psycho.”

“Another charm school grad, I see.”

“It’s cute the way you flirt so badly. Nerves?”

“Ahh, child-like naivete. You have much to learn.”

“Who wants to be perfect? Perfect is boring. I like to give women a challenge.”

“You like rape, too? Awesome!” — Use with caution. An emotionally stunted feminist might not catch the sarcasm.

“I would tie you down like a Lilliputian.”

“Great! Let’s start our wonderful friendship watching the sun set. You might have to put me on your shoulders.” — Self-deprecating humor is risky, but works on some girls, especially if you’re careful not to milk it, and you segue quickly into sexual escalation.

“Lovely.” — Chicks dig ambiguity. What’s she going to make of this one word reply?

“I’ve heard better come-ons from insurance salesmen.”

“I’m glad you’re the kind of girl who doesn’t just love me for my bod.”

“You’re like that little girl who tries to give the boy she really likes cooties.”

***

You’ll notice in most of the replies above, I rarely mention shortness or height. A successful reframe means just that: reframing away from a conversational topic which works against your advantage. Many of the replies contain implicit challenges — or qualifying tests — that are designed to put the girl on the defensive, provoking her to explain her actions, motivations, or worth as a human being. Girls like men who challenge them, because in their twisted minds they think this means such men really like them for more than their looks.

None of the replies are set up to make excuses for the man’s height, or to cajole a girl of the short man’s positive attributes. Cajoling = qualifying oneself, and that’s anti-game. Some of you may be tempted to say something along the lines of: “You should try a short man for once. You’d be surprised how good we are in bed. Compensation means we have mad skills.” No good. Instead, it’s better to ASSUME THE SALE. The last reply is a classic example of this dictum.